MANY a weary day and watchful1 night were passed by Mr. Mountford, before his wife was pronounced out of present danger. But the sentence of hopeless blindness, and a life, probably a short one and of comparative helplessness, hung over her, and no human skill could avert2 these.
At length the state of the invalid3 was so far improved that she could be wheeled into another room on a level with that in which she slept. It was a bright morning in early spring before she reached this stage, and the air was fresh without coldness.
"Wheel me close to the window," she whispered. "I want to feel the sunshine that I shall not see again." Tears streamed from the sightless eyes, still beautiful, for the injury had left them undisfigured, though the life was gone from them.
Mrs. Mountford's wish was carried out, and the couch placed in the deep bay-window. The sun shone straight in upon her, and made the tear-drops glisten5 on her wan4 face. She thanked the nurse and her maid with a smile which brought moisture to their eyes. She had been very gentle and patient through her illness, for pain, which in some cases causes irritation6, had in hers been overmastered by remorse7, and all the old petulant8 ways were gone.
"You can leave me now, and tell Mr. Mountford I am ready for him to come," she added.
"I am here, darling," replied her husband.
"I might have known," she whispered, as he bent9 over her, and drawing his head down, she kissed him tenderly again and again.
He seated himself so as to be on a level with her, but again she drew his head to her breast and held him in a close embrace. Hitherto, neither of them had spoken to the other of that terrible day, but now Mrs. Mountford whispered—
"Can you ever forgive me, Kenneth? I have been longing11 to ask you, ever since I knew what my wickedness had brought on you. I say you, darling husband, for though I know you will place my loss of sight and helplessness as worst of all, because I have to bear them through all my life, I am sure you have suffered even more than I have. Besides, bodily pain is not the worst part, though you have borne that along with me. I understand something about what sympathy means, when such love goes with it; for whenever our little one was ill, every pain she had was a double stab to me. And once when you were ill, my husband, it was the same or worse. To see those we love suffer is so hard. It would be bliss12 to bear the pain, if by doing this one could spare them. If such a poor, weak, wilful13 creature as I am can feel in this way, what must you have endured for my sake?"
He could not answer, and she knew why. She passed her slender fingers over his face, and felt the tears that he could not keep back, and knew, by the heaving of his breast, that he was too much overcome by emotion to utter a word in reply.
She waited patiently for a while, dried the tears as they fell, and kissed his hair, even, as his; head lay close to her. She could not, and never would, see how it had changed of late. Where only a few silver threads had been, it was now all grey.
"Kenneth," she whispered at length, "you must not grieve. I am not worth such love and tears, but I want you to tell me I am forgiven first, and then—"
"My darling, do not speak of forgiveness. I forgave you long, long ago," said Mr. Mountford.
"That is what I wanted. I should not have liked you to say that there was nothing to forgive, because even when I was planning to deceive you on that awful day, conscience was showing me my wickedness, and striving with me, only I would not listen. Do you know, Kenneth, I was worse than wilful, defiant14, and disobedient? I was untruthful. I who had always been proud to say, that whatever were my faults, falsehood in any shape had never been one of them. It was so mean, Kenneth, to deceive James, by saying that I had told you I should ride Prince that morning, and not saying that you had forbidden me to mount him until you had made sure that he was fit for me to use with safety."
"I ought to have stayed with you and made sure," said Mr. Mountford. "I have reproached myself ever since for having left you alone. It would have been no privation for me to give up the meet."
"Do not reproach yourself, Kenneth. If I had been such a wife as you had a right to expect, there would have been no need for you to stay. Looking back, it seems horrible that my wilfulness15 should have made it necessary for me to have a keeper as well as a husband in you, and that if I were out of your sight you were made miserable16, lest I should bring harm upon myself. I shall need no watcher now," added Mrs. Mountford, with a pitiful realization17 of her helplessness.
"But you will have my companionship, dearest. All that I can do I will. I will be eyes to you, and tell all that is passing. Thank God, you have seen, and as I describe the changes that are going on around us, memory will enable you to picture them, though you cannot now see them. My feet shall turn whither you will, and be your messengers. My hands shall be such willing hands in your service. Every day our child will grow more able to join me in loving ministry18, and her prattle19 will cheer you."
"I know, Kenneth dearest, what you will be. My sorest trial is that I cannot see your face and our child's. Perhaps, after all, it matters less about seeing yours, for I can never forget it, and you will grow no older to me, though I may live to be a white-haired grandmother."
Mrs. Mountford laughed at the thought, for Kathleen was but three and a half years old. But the laugh died almost as it was born, as she added with a sigh—"They say that all the other senses become more acute when sight is gone. I shall have to pass my hand over Kitty's face and hair, and measure her height from time to time, and you will tell me about everything, will you not?"
"I will, dearest."
"And when I am a little stronger you will bring poor James to see me, and I will ask his pardon for having deceived him. I shall not be quite happy till I have done that."
Mr. Mountford promised, and in due time James was taken to see his mistress and hear her confession20. He came away blubbering, poor fellow, like a school-boy, and declaring that if by taking her helplessness on himself he could restore her strength, he would do it; and those who heard believed him.
But neither love nor skill could greatly prolong Mrs. Mountford's life, and four years after the accident she died.
In spite of the elements of suffering and sadness, which of necessity were always present, those four years were not unhappy ones. The outer vision of the invalid might be gone for ever, but the spiritual vision became clearer and brighter day by day, in the case of both husband and wife.
"It needed a terrible lesson to show me myself first, for I had never been conscious either of my ignorance of all that is best worth knowing, or of what I was in God's sight: I was always sorry when I grieved you, Kenneth, for I did love you, and I knew something of your love for me. But I never felt any sorrow for the real sin, or penitence21 towards God. I have never known or wanted to know much of Him, though I suppose I should have been shocked and angry if any one had accused me of not believing in God; but they would have told the truth. I just took it for granted there was one, and never troubled myself any more about the matter. Not knowing, how could I love Him who never came into my thoughts as a great reality? But now—oh, the blessed difference! It is true happiness to be allowed in ever so little a way to love Him who is love. The pity of it is, that now I can never show my love by service. I cannot go about amongst the poor and tell them the sweet lesson I have learned, or do them good for Christ's sake."
"My darling, you think of and care for many whom you cannot visit or cheer with your presence and kind words."
Mrs. Mountford shook her head. "The only thing I can do is to bear my blindness and helplessness with patient submission22, and to thank God that I did not die without having time for repentance23. If I have been patient, He has made me so in answer to prayer."
"You are patience itself, dearest. Every one feels it a privilege to wait upon and learn sweet lessons of endurance from you," replied her husband.
"Every one is good and kind. You, my husband, most of all. I see now what a precious gift God gave me in you. We have been happy, in spite of everything. We are of one mind now, and as each day brings us nearer to the parting hour we are drawn24 closer in love. When my place on earth is empty, you will always remember that God sees us both, though we cannot see each other."
"I shall not forget, but I hope to keep you and minister to you for years to come."
"Better say 'wish;' for you can hardly hope now. I remember how I used to say so glibly25, 'I believe in the communion of saints,' when I repeated the creed26 in church, along with others. But now I know what the words mean. When you praise God on earth, Kenneth, and I, by His grace, in the home above, there will still be communion."
"True, but communion which will be perfected when we meet again, dear wife."
"Yes, to us; but I suppose it will be always perfect to Him who sees and hears us both."
Such conversations were frequent between the husband and wife, and gave them great comfort. Both were deeply anxious about little Kathleen. It cheered the dying mother to think that, as her child was nearly eight years old, she was not likely to forget her altogether.
"Keep my memory green with Kitty," she would say. "The child is so constantly with you, and will be more so, if possible, when I am gone. Do not let her forget her mother, though she will only picture me as blind and helpless."
"No fear of her forgetting you whilst I live," replied Mr. Mountford, and he ever took the greatest pains to carry out his wife's wish. One thing was, however, carefully kept from Kathleen, not only when she was a child, but afterwards. She knew that her mother had been injured by being thrown from her horse, but the story of her wilfulness and disobedience was never repeated in Kathleen's presence.
Mrs. Ellicott, the widowed sister of Mr. Mountford, had been invited to remain with him after his wife's death. The sisters-in-law had always been great friends, and it had comforted Mrs. Mountford to think that Kathleen would have sweet motherly influences around her as she grew up to girlhood and womanhood.
So long as her father lived, the girl was fairly amenable27 to these, but she was only fifteen when she lost him, and before that time he had noted28 with some anxiety the great resemblance between her and her mother, as he had first known her. In one sense the likeness29 gave him pleasure, in another pain.
Kathleen had almost equal beauty and the same high spirits and winsome30 ways. But sometimes Mr. Mountford caught glimpses of wilfulness and an ungovernable temper, such as had cost her mother so dear. She would be a great heiress, for though a generous man, Mr. Mountford was a prudent31 one. From the date of his wife's accident he had lived very quietly, and he continued to do so after her death. His property was not entailed32, and he never contemplated33 leaving any portion of it to a male relative. It was all for Kathleen, and would be hers absolutely when she was twenty-one, or married with the consent of her guardians34. These were Mrs. Ellicott, who with her daughter, Geraldine, would, he hoped, live at Hollingsby Hall with Kathleen, at least, until she attained36 her majority.
Her other guardian35 was a young man of only twenty-two at the time of his appointment to this somewhat onerous37 position. His father, Mr. Mountford's oldest friend, had been originally selected, but whilst willing to accede38 to the request made, he pleaded unsuitability on account of age.
"When people appoint guardians and executors, they need not only to consider the character and business qualities of the individuals chosen, but whether they will be likely to see the trust to an end. I am ten years older than you, and much less vigorous in many ways. Humanly speaking, you are far more likely to outlive me than I you, and I trust you will see your bright girl developed into a noble woman. I will, however, consent to be named as your executor and Kathleen's guardian, if my son may be associated with me in the trust. Then you will have an old head and a pair of young shoulders, but not united in the same individual."
The speaker, Mr. Matheson, of Westhill, noticed a peculiar39 look on his friend's face as he made this suggestion, and without waiting for a reply he continued: "I see that amused look, Mountford, and I know what it means. You think that to appoint a young fellow of two-and-twenty to be co-guardian with his father of a beautiful girl only eight years younger than himself, and an heiress to boot, is suggestive of match-making in the future."
"I do not deny it," replied Mr. Mountford, "but I will add more than the smile expressed. Knowing what Aylmer is, I could wish nothing better for Kathleen than to be the wife of such a man. But all the same, I would not by word or act influence the choice of my child or your son."
"And by appointing Aylmer as one of her trustees, you raise a very effectual barrier to any nearer union between him and Kathleen. Though I say it, and he is my only son, Aylmer Matheson will put every thought of self aside in his fulfilment of the trust reposed40 in him, if he should have to act as Kathleen's guardian. But I fervently41 hope that no one will have to take a father's place to her."
This wish was not fulfilled, and though Mr. Mountford died before his old friend, Mr. Matheson only survived him about two years.
From the age of seventeen, Kathleen had been under the joint42 guardianship43 of Mrs. Ellicott and Aylmer Matheson, the latter combining the double qualifications of young shoulders and the wise head which is not generally supposed to accompany them. In appearance he was tall and well-proportioned, rather fair than dark, with rebellious44 brown hair which no amount of cutting and brushing would deprive of its natural wave and tendency to curl. It was, however, carried well back from a broad and high forehead, and a pair of dark grey eyes, whose expression betokened45 courage and honesty. A brown moustache and otherwise clean-shaven, rather pale face, and the description is fairly complete. Perhaps, however, the paleness was rather comparative, as it was only noticeable in contrast with the colour which was never lacking on the face of Captain Torrance, between whom and Aylmer Matheson, it was commonly said, there was no love lost.
Those who knew these two men were not surprised at the saying, and would have deemed anything like friendship between them as equally impossible and absurd. Unlikeness is often a help to friendship rather than otherwise. Weakness, whether of character or person, generally looks for strength in its chief friend. Beauty often honestly admires ugliness, or while admiring the other qualities of a plain-visaged friend, is secretly glad that in her she has a foil which enhances her own charms by contrast, instead of a rival.
The waverer is thankful to be taken possession of and managed by the friend who can promptly46 decide whether to say "Yes" or "No," and who is equally able to give a reason for her answer.
And so on ad infinitum; but in friendship as in marriage, it is only when opposite qualities in the individuals concerned tend to mutual47 well-being48, and the formation of a harmonious49 whole, that satisfactory results can be hoped for.
Candour cannot be friends with cunning, honesty with fraud, truth with falsehood. The nature which delights in good-doing, even when it demands self-sacrifice, can never join hands with one whose sole aim is self-indulgence and self-aggrandisement. The merciful and the cruel, the liberal and the churlish, the brave and the cowardly, are in each case separated by barriers none the less real because they are invisible to the eye.
The higher nature may pity the lower and long to elevate it, but the two cannot work as friends without such assimilation.
There must at least be kindred principles strong enough to overcome, or even utilize50 the many minor51 points of difference which may exist, without proving any bar to a real friendship, or the closer union of which marriage should be the precursor52.
Alas53, that so close a union should not always mean true unity54 of hearts, aims, hopes, and lives!
Of Captain Torrance's character something has already been told. Of Aylmer Matheson's only good can be written.
An only son and idolized by his father, he repaid this affection by filial devotion. A man of scholarly attainments55 and refined tastes, whose society was much sought after, Aylmer was content to share the country pursuits in which his father delighted, and to live almost wholly at Westhill after leaving Oxford56. Whilst at college he had been the generous friend and helper of young men who needed such aid. In society he was self-possessed, but modest; in manners as courteous57 and considerate to the lowly as to those who filled high places.
In one respect Aylmer and his father closely resembled each other. Unlike too many young men, Aylmer was not ashamed to confess Christ before the world, but gladly acknowledged that his chief desire was to be numbered amongst His true soldiers and servants, and to spend and be spent in doing His will.
It will be easily imagined that friendship between Captain Jack58 Torrance and Aylmer Matheson could hardly exist.
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1
watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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avert
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| v.防止，避免；转移(目光、注意力等) | |
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invalid
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| n.病人，伤残人；adj.有病的，伤残的；无效的 | |
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wan
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| (wide area network)广域网 | |
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glisten
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| vi.（光洁或湿润表面等）闪闪发光，闪闪发亮 | |
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irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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petulant
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| adj.性急的，暴躁的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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wilful
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| adj.任性的，故意的 | |
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defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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wilfulness
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| 任性；倔强 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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ministry
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| n.(政府的)部；牧师 | |
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prattle
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| n.闲谈；v.（小孩般）天真无邪地说话；发出连续而无意义的声音 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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penitence
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| n.忏悔，赎罪；悔过 | |
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submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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repentance
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| n.懊悔 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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glibly
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| adv.流利地，流畅地；满口 | |
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creed
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| n.信条；信念，纲领 | |
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amenable
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| adj.经得起检验的；顺从的；对负有义务的 | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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winsome
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| n.迷人的，漂亮的 | |
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prudent
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| adj.谨慎的，有远见的，精打细算的 | |
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entailed
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| 使…成为必要( entail的过去式和过去分词 )； 需要； 限定继承； 使必需 | |
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contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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guardians
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| 监护人( guardian的名词复数 )； 保护者，维护者 | |
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guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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onerous
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| adj.繁重的 | |
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accede
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| v.应允，同意 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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reposed
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| v.将（手臂等）靠在某人（某物）上( repose的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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fervently
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| adv.热烈地，热情地，强烈地 | |
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joint
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| adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合 | |
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guardianship
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| n. 监护, 保护, 守护 | |
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rebellious
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| adj.造反的，反抗的，难控制的 | |
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betokened
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| v.预示，表示( betoken的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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well-being
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| n.安康，安乐，幸福 | |
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49
harmonious
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| adj.和睦的，调和的，和谐的，协调的 | |
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50
utilize
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| vt.使用，利用 | |
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51
minor
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| adj.较小(少)的，较次要的；n.辅修学科；vi.辅修 | |
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52
precursor
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| n.先驱者；前辈；前任；预兆；先兆 | |
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53
alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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unity
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| n.团结，联合，统一；和睦，协调 | |
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55
attainments
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| 成就，造诣； 获得( attainment的名词复数 )； 达到； 造诣； 成就 | |
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56
Oxford
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| n.牛津（英国城市） | |
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57
courteous
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| adj.彬彬有礼的，客气的 | |
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58
jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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