"AUNTY," said Kathleen, after luncheon1 was over, "I want you to read a letter which I received this morning; not by post, or I should have told you about it at breakfast. It was given to me on the road by a messenger who would have brought it here, only he met me, and asked if he were to come on to the house, or if I would take it then. As it needed no answer, it was as well to spare the man a longer walk, was it not?"
"Certainly, dear. Somebody wanting you to patronize those village concerts that are being got up, I suppose. I had a note about them this morning, and so had Geraldine."
"The letter was not about the concerts, aunty. I promised to patronize them more than a week ago, and before the formal appeal was sent out. My letter was from Captain Torrance. Read it, please, or Geraldine can read it to you, if you like, and then tell me what you think of it."
Kathleen put the letter into Miss Ellicott's hand, and then went to the window, where she stood during its perusal3 She had resolved not to notice the dismay with which her aunt heard of this further communication from the captain, and trusted to the letter itself to produce a favourable4 impression. She waited some little time, standing5 at the window with her back to the room and its occupants, but as neither spoke6 she walked to the fireside, and asked—"What do you think of the letter, aunty?"
"My dear, I cannot find fault with it."
"I should think not indeed," replied the girl, drawing herself up in the stately way she put on at times.
"And yet, Kitty dear, I cannot help wishing that the writer had been content to leave the matter as it was."
"With his feelings he could hardly do that. You see, he thought he had pained me, and wished me to know that he never meant to do so."
"He might have imagined that the wound, if any, would be healed, so far as he was concerned, before this time, my dear."
"But you see what he says. He simply could not summon courage to write. Only, as he was back at Monk's How, he had a dread7 of meeting me with his fault unacknowledged—I mean apologized for."
"Happily, Captain Torrance is not often seen in our little circle of friends, Kitty, so there was not much fear of his being quite overwhelmed by your displeasure. As I have said, the letter is not to be found fault with, and as it requires no answer, were I you, I would put it into the fire, and forget both it and the writer as far as possible."
"Thank you, aunty," said Kathleen, taking the letter, but with no intention of following Mrs. Ellicott's advice in the disposal of it; "I have answered it."
"What! you have already written to Captain Torrance? I wish you had not done that without naming the matter to me or Aylmer."
"I have not written; but if I had, surely I do not require the consent of my guardians9, before I can reply to a simple note of apology."
The girl's hasty temper was roused in an instant, and she went on defiantly—
"I gave my answer to Captain Torrance himself. I met him at Crosspaths Corner, when I was turning homeward. He was kind enough to walk with me to the gates. Had I felt as if I dared to take such a liberty in my own house, I should have asked him to luncheon."
"My dear child, my dear Kathleen, how you misunderstand me!" said Mrs. Ellicott, in great distress11. "Never during my guardianship12 have I interfered13 with your correspondence. Never has a guest been invited by you who could afterwards complain of a scanty14 welcome from me. I have never for an instant forgotten that I am only the temporary head of this household, and that in a little more than a year you will be its absolute mistress. But in the meanwhile I am here by your father's dying wish, and I can only lay down my post and its responsibilities at the time appointed by him."
"You well know, Kathleen, that only Captain Torrance's character has stood in the way of his being welcomed in this house and other homes in the neighbourhood."
"I know that if either man or woman has done anything wrong once, the people who think themselves good never forgive, even though they have not suffered by the wrong-doing. It seems to me there is a horrid15 lot of hypocrisy16 in the world—the good people's world, I mean, or else instead of turning their backs on those who had committed a fault, and were sorry for it, they would encourage them to do better for the time to come. As to Captain Torrance, he is very much to be pitied. He may have done wrong, though I cannot tell in what way, for people just shrug17 their shoulders, and appear to know a great deal about him, which I feel certain they would not tell to his face, the cowards! I believe," continued Kathleen, vehemently18, "that he just longs to lead a good life, and to set his boy the best of examples, but he has nobody to help him—nobody. I did think you, who are so kind to most people, aunty, would have felt sorry for him, as I did, when I read that letter. But you are just as cold as all the rest, and as hard when Captain Torrance's name is mentioned. Yet you say nothing. Tell me, if you know, what he has really done to make people scorn him and speak ill of him behind his back."
Mrs. Ellicott was shocked at this manifest reaction in favour of Captain Torrance on Kathleen's part. Never before had she posed as his champion, or shown such temper in his defence. So, in spite of the girl's defiant10 manner, she strove by her very gentleness to disarm19 her niece, and quietly answered—
"My dear Kitty, it is not for me to tell the whole story of Captain Torrance's past life, and I could not if I would. Much of it is common property, and what is known is surely enough to prevent a pure-minded, innocent girl from desiring his society, or posing as his defender20. I can only repeat that your other guardian8 and I desire nothing but your happiness, and if out of all our neighbours we say, 'There is one whose companionship can be only hurtful to you,' dear Kitty, can you not trust us to judge and decide for you in a matter where a girl's very kindness of heart warps21 her own judgment22? Ah, my darling! It is one of the trials of age, that experience has taught it so many lessons of which, happily, the young are ignorant. We old folk have perforce to avail ourselves of that experience on behalf of the young whom we love, and whom it is our privilege and duty to guard. They often rebel against our decisions, but later in life they learn the same lessons as time and observation have taught us, and can then thank God that in their young days they were not left to themselves."
Kathleen made no reply to her aunt's kindly23 words. She stood leaning against the chimney-piece, and tapping the floor with her foot in a restless fashion. There was the old wilful24 look on her face, and the very pose of her head told that she was resolved not to yield a hair's breadth. Not that she was altogether unmoved by Mrs. Ellicott's words. She could never doubt either her aunt's kindness or the judiciousness25 of her decisions. But her feelings had been worked upon by Captain Torrance's letter and words, and then the old spirit of rebellion had revived, and she was in a state of towering indignation at being treated like a child.
After a somewhat prolonged pause Kathleen spoke.
"I can see that it is useless for me to venture on thinking for myself on any subject. I must reconcile myself to remain in leading-strings for another year, or rather more. No fear of my forgetting the day that sets me free, and then—"
The girl's eyes fairly flashed with triumph as she spoke, but she did not finish the sentence. She left the rest to the imagination of her listeners.
Geraldine had said nothing hitherto, but she was grieved on her mother's account, on Aylmer's, and on Kathleen's most of all. She was far from well herself, and this miser26 able scene was not likely to make her feel better. It was in a tremulous voice that she said, when Kathleen paused—
"Spare my dear mother, Kitty."
"Why do you speak in that way, Ger? What have I done to pain my aunt? I came to her as I would have gone to my father, had he been living. I showed her that letter, I looked for her sympathy for the writer. I have been frank and straightforward27 in everything, and I am disappointed—bitterly disappointed. As usual, I have had a lecture on the wickedness of presuming to think for myself, or even to feel towards any human being otherwise than my lawful28 guardians do. Their opinions seem to be based on the judgment of the little world of gossips, who are full of malice29 and all uncharitableness. Happily, thought is free, and for the future, instead of opening my mind, I will think for myself, and bide30 my time of emancipation31 as patiently as I can. It goes without saying, that I shall beat against the bars sometimes."
"How you grieve me, Kathleen! You know that I have always been so glad of, and thankful for, the perfect confidence which has subsisted32 between us. It is not in your nature to be otherwise than frank; Aylmer says the same. Perhaps, if anything, we are over-anxious, but I know he will feel with me about Captain Torrance. If he had seen him walking with you—"
"He did see us. We met him on the road," replied Kathleen, with a triumphant33 look. "To do Aylmer justice, he showed no inclination34 to seize and carry me away from such bad companionship by main force. He was grave, as 'tis his nature to be, but he passed us with the usual courtesies, and went on his way. To do Captain Torrance justice, he proposed handing me over then and there to the custody35 of my lawful guardian, though Aylmer was going in the opposite direction to ourselves. I, however, insisted on his escorting me to the gates of my own domain36, and I told him that Mr. Matheson was my good, true friend and guardian, but not my jailer. Now, aunty, I shall go to my own room. I have made a full confession37 of my doings when I was out of your sight this morning, and I have a clear conscience on the score of any evil intentions when I went for a solitary38 walk, because I had no one to go with me. That it turned out other than solitary was not my fault, or," she added, "my misfortune. It was very pleasant, and I am not going to say that I am sorry I saw Captain Torrance and had a talk with him, which I am not likely to forget."
"Kitty, do not go away, I beg of you. You cannot have understood me. Aylmer will be here for an hour this evening, and then—"
"I shall have a second lecture, I suppose. Thank you, aunty. I mean to try and have a little peace in my own room. I will leave this with you;" and the girl threw Captain Torrance's letter lightly on to the table. "Let Aylmer see it, please, and tell him all I have told you. I am tired—tired of everything!" she cried; and, quitting the room, she ran to her room, locked herself in, and throwing herself on a couch, burst into a passion of tears.
"I am always wrong," she exclaimed, "no matter how much I try to do right! I thought aunty would be pleased at my showing her the letter, and telling her everything. I might as well be deceitful, for any good my frankness does me. There was not one word said this morning that all the world might not have heard, except that poor Captain Jack39 would not have opened his heart to every one as he did to me. And I don't care what anybody says. If I can be a friend to him in his loneliness, and help him to be better and happier, I will. It must be right to do that."
Arrived at this conclusion, Kathleen dried her eyes, and began to dream of bright possibilities once more. She could do a great deal of harm, and cause a vast amount of pain to others in a very short time when she gave way to temper; but the fit passed away much sooner than did the effects of it.
Kathleen was tired. The large fire burned brightly, and the couch in her room looked most inviting40. A large fur-lined wrap was lying across the end of it. A few minutes later Kathleen was sleeping like a child, snugly41 ensconced beneath the fur, and with the firelight dancing across her face and making the lingering moisture on her dark eyelashes sparkle like diamonds, which, however, quickly disappeared, together with every trace of the tumult42 through which she had lately passed.
The fire had burned low, the early wintry twilight43 had followed daylight, when Kathleen awoke. At first she hardly understood where she was, but soon she roused herself, and called to mind how she had left her aunt and cousin.
Sleep had effected a wondrous44 change in her feelings, and instead of being angry at Mrs. Ellicott, she began to reproach herself for her hastiness and hard words.
"If I could but learn to be patient; but after a month of delightful45 peace and comfort, I have made aunty miserable46, and Ger, poor Ger, is, I dare say, ever so much worse through my conduct. She was wan2 and white when she came down; not really fit to be out of bed, but always thinking about other people. I don't think I was a bit wrong in standing up for Captain Torrance, but I get angry so soon, and I ought to think of aunty's goodness and how she must feel. I often forget the things I have said when my temper is over; but she cannot, and it is not likely. I said I would not go down to dinner, but I think I will. It is of no use to put off. I shall have to go. Tea will be over. I wonder Cameron never came to see if I wished for a cup."
At this moment a light tap came at the door, and Kathleen called, "Come in," forgetting that she had locked it, and the one leading to her dressing-room also. She had to unlock it and welcome Cameron and the tea she brought.
"I have been in a sound sleep, Cameron," she said.
"You would be tired with your walk in the frosty air, miss," said the maid. "After the cold, a warm room always makes one sleepy."
Cameron lighted the gas, drew the curtains, replenished47 the fire, and restored the look of brightness to the room.
"Has any one called this afternoon?" asked Kathleen. "Yes, miss. Mr. Matheson first, then Miss Stapleton. She left a message for you. She was very sorry not to see you, and hoped you would soon go to her brother's, where she is staying for some time. Mr. Matheson went out with Miss Stapleton. I think he was going to walk to Oakwood with her, as it was getting dusk."
"Indeed! I am sorry I missed Miss Stapleton. I shall not dress yet, Cameron. There is plenty of time. I did tell my aunt that I should not go down to dinner, but I am so thoroughly48 rested I have changed my mind. I will ring when I want you."
Cameron retreated, and, with the inconsistency not quite uncommon49 amongst girls, her young mistress gave way to just a shade of annoyance50, because Aylmer had walked home with her friend Hetty.
"Not that I care a straw about Aylmer in that way," she decided51, "but I should not like him to take a special liking52 to Hetty. She is a good girl—twenty times better than I am, but when I am of age, and have perhaps chosen for myself, I should be glad for Aylmer to marry Ger."
Kathleen felt quite generous in deciding the fates of her cousin and Mr. Matheson; but had any one else read her thoughts, it would have appeared a little selfish on her part to consent to such a match, only when she had made a choice on her own account.
Before Cameron received her summons Kathleen went to Mrs. Ellicott's room, feeling sure of finding her there and alone. Her question, "May I come in, aunty?" was answered in the affirmative.
"I have come with the same old story," said Kathleen. "I know I do not deserve that you should speak to me, but I never meant to get angry to-day. You know, too, how I have fought and struggled, but it all seems useless. What shall I do?"
"Begin again, my dear child. The battle against temptation is a life-long contest, but we need not fight alone or unarmed."
"I know you will help me, aunty. I wonder you can bear to look at me, and yet your very face beams forgiveness before I have asked it."
"My darling, I want you to feel that a stronger than I is ready to help and make you strong. But, Kitty, have you thought that He knows all your inward struggles, your longings53 to conquer what you feel to be your besetting54 sin, your sorrow when, in place of coming off victorious55, the old failing overcomes you and your good resolutions? You come to me penitent56 and grieved at having grieved me. Have you been to Him to seek His forgiveness, or shall you be contented57 with mine?"
"I am afraid I have thought only of having troubled you, and made poor Ger ill by my temper. I wish I could feel the peace and comfort that you get by going to God with everything."
"Take the one thing that presses upon you most heavily. Remember that whilst we are encouraged to go with everything, we cannot tell the story of all our needs at once. We have to leave so many to His love and providential care, just as little children lay down their heads at night, and sleep without a care as to how the wants of the morrow are to be met. 'That is father and mother's business,' they say, if they think at all. So we, Kathleen, have to leave so much to our Heavenly Father's foreseeing love, and the many every-day wants of His children are mercifully and lovingly supplied. But our spiritual needs must be taken to God and by ourselves. I can plead for you, Kitty, aye and with you, but unless you acknowledge your fault and ask forgiveness, your weakness and ask for strength, your ignorance and long for guidance, your helplessness and pray that God will enable you to take the armour58 of His providing, you must be beaten in the fight. Don't get disheartened, dear. All you need is to be had for the asking, and the great army of Christ's soldiers and servants, fighting against temptation and sin, for their own souls and the souls of others, is made up of all ranks and all ages. The hoary59 head fights, it may be, beside the stripling, the mere60 child beside the parent. Young men and maidens61, old men and children, look alike to Jesus, the Captain of their salvation62, the only Conqueror63 who never knew what it was to yield when the tempter strove to vanquish64 Him. He will lead you on that path which He trod when in the flesh. Seek Him. Trust Him; make a new beginning in His strength."
"I will try," whispered Kathleen; and before Cameron received her summons, the girl knelt to ask the help of which she felt her need to be so pressing and so constant.
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1
luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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wan
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| (wide area network)广域网 | |
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perusal
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| n.细读，熟读；目测 | |
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favourable
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| adj.赞成的，称赞的，有利的，良好的，顺利的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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guardians
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| 监护人( guardian的名词复数 )； 保护者，维护者 | |
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defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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guardianship
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| n. 监护, 保护, 守护 | |
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interfered
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| v.干预( interfere的过去式和过去分词 )；调停；妨碍；干涉 | |
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scanty
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| adj.缺乏的，仅有的，节省的，狭小的，不够的 | |
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horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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hypocrisy
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| n.伪善，虚伪 | |
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shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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vehemently
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disarm
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| v.解除武装，回复平常的编制，缓和 | |
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defender
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| n.保卫者，拥护者，辩护人 | |
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warps
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| n.弯曲( warp的名词复数 )；歪斜；经线；经纱v.弄弯，变歪( warp的第三人称单数 )；使（行为等）不合情理，使乖戾， | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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wilful
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| adj.任性的，故意的 | |
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judiciousness
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| n.明智 | |
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miser
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| n.守财奴，吝啬鬼 (adj.miserly) | |
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straightforward
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| adj.正直的，坦率的；易懂的，简单的 | |
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lawful
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| adj.法律许可的，守法的，合法的 | |
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malice
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| n.恶意，怨恨，蓄意；[律]预谋 | |
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bide
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| v.忍耐；等候；住 | |
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emancipation
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| n.（从束缚、支配下）解放 | |
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subsisted
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| v.（靠很少的钱或食物）维持生活，生存下去( subsist的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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custody
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| n.监护，照看，羁押，拘留 | |
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domain
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| n.(活动等)领域，范围；领地，势力范围 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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inviting
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| adj.诱人的，引人注目的 | |
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snugly
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| adv.紧贴地；贴身地；暖和舒适地；安适地 | |
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tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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wondrous
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| adj.令人惊奇的，奇妙的；adv.惊人地；异乎寻常地；令人惊叹地 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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replenished
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| 补充( replenish的过去式和过去分词 )； 重新装满 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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uncommon
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| adj.罕见的，非凡的，不平常的 | |
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50
annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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51
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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52
liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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53
longings
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| 渴望，盼望( longing的名词复数 ) | |
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54
besetting
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| adj.不断攻击的v.困扰( beset的现在分词 )；不断围攻；镶；嵌 | |
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victorious
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| adj.胜利的，得胜的 | |
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penitent
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| adj.后悔的；n.后悔者；忏悔者 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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armour
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| （=armor）n.盔甲；装甲部队 | |
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59
hoary
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| adj.古老的；鬓发斑白的 | |
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60
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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61
maidens
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| 处女( maiden的名词复数 )； 少女； 未婚女子； （板球运动）未得分的一轮投球 | |
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62
salvation
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| n.（尤指基督）救世，超度，拯救，解困 | |
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63
conqueror
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| n.征服者，胜利者 | |
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64
vanquish
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| v.征服，战胜；克服；抑制 | |
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