RALPH made good use of his time at the Hall. He was in some respects so manly1, in others such a thorough child, but in every way so outspoken2, that not only Kathleen but Mrs. Ellicott and Geraldine were charmed with the boy.
Even Mountain thawed3 when the little fellow visited the stables, and made some knowing remarks about the animals he saw there.
"He might ha' been his own father by the way he reckoned up the horses," said Mountain afterwards. "And he is a little gentleman in his ways. If he only hadn't got a father at all, I'd never mind how often he was in and out here."
When Aylmer Matheson paid his next visit to the Hall, he was entertained, if not gratified, by an account of Ralph's sayings and doings. He heard Kathleen say that she must really ask the boy now and then, he was so delightfully5 bright and original; he had given them all something to talk and laugh over after he left them.
"You would have been charmed with the little fellow, Aylmer. You must help me to be kind to him."
What could Aylmer say? How could he object to Kathleen inviting6 a mere7 child, because of his father's antecedents? He knew that to suggest the exclusion8 of the boy would probably raise a storm of indignation on the part of his ward4, and would appear to most people ungenerous and tyrannical. Yet Hetty Stapleton's words of warning were ringing in his ears, and he was profoundly convinced of their wisdom.
"He will woo Kathleen most effectively by means of his boy, of whom she is very fond."
It would be almost impossible to preserve the same distance between the Hall and Monk's How, if Kathleen made a pet of Ralph under her own roof. A mere outdoor intimacy9, which allowed John Torrance to join her whenever they chanced to meet, would be worse still.
Aloud, Aylmer said, "I shall be only too glad to help you, Kathleen, in any plan for the boy's real good."
All the same, his mind was full of fears, which he vainly strove to stifle10, and he wished that any one but himself filled the post of guardian11 to Kathleen. She was wonderfully sweet and kind in her manner to him that evening, asking his advice even about what seemed purely12 feminine matters, and promptly13 acting14 upon it, even where it did not accord with her own ideas. So stirred was Aylmer by the tender graciousness of Kathleen's manner, that he gave himself no further time for self-questioning. Hetty Stapleton's counsel had encouraged hope, his own doubts and scruples15 were put aside, and, availing himself of an unexpected opportunity, Aylmer told his ward the story of his love.
"I know not when I began to love you, dear," he said. "It seems to me that I cannot look back upon a time, since you were the merest slip of a girl, when you were not first and dearest of all to me. Though you were so much younger, and I grown to manhood, I never pictured a home for myself in which you were not the 'angel of the house.' Your father loved me, Kathleen, and gave me the place a brother might have filled, had you possessed16 one. Let me finish, dear Kathleen;" for the girl would have interrupted. "Hear my story out, and then give me your answer."
Then Aylmer told her how, whilst longing17 to be faithful to the trust reposed18 in him, it had raised a certain barrier between her and himself which had kept him silent until now, though he had longed to speak.
"I have been afraid that the world would misjudge me, and say that the guardian was selfish, and scheming to keep his beautiful ward and her wealth for himself. And yet, dear, you will believe me when I say that to me my sweet Kathleen, with only herself to bestow19, would give me what is worth more than all the riches of the world, if she would put her dear hand in mine and bid me keep it."
"I wish I could—oh, how I wish I could!" said Kathleen. "It is dreadful to me to say a word that will grieve you, but I have never thought of you in that way. I have been trying so much of late to show you that I cared for you as if you were my own dear, good brother, and many, many times when I have pained you I have suffered more myself than you have done, though I have seemed hard and wilful20, for you were always so patient. When I was a child, Aylmer, I used to think God had given you to me for a brother, because I had none of my own. Be my brother still, and try to forget."
Kathleen raised her beautiful eyes to Aylmer's, streaming with tears. Her hand was in his, for he had taken it, and she made no effort to withdraw it. Aylmer's clasp had been to her an assurance of safety ever since the stalwart youth had made her his child-playmate. Her look of distress21 went to his heart and appealed to his unselfish nature, whilst it caused him the bitterest pain and disappointment.
"I have been as a brother hitherto, dear Kathleen," he replied, "but I have always hoped to fill a yet dearer place in your affection. Now I reproach myself for abruptness22. I have told my story too suddenly. Let me leave it with you unanswered for a while. Take what time you choose; I will have patience, and trust that when you have examined your own heart more closely, you may find me occupying more than a brother's share of it."
Kathleen shook her head. "Better answer now, Aylmer. The waiting would be trying to you, and very hard for me, because I should all the while be grieving at the thought of pain to come. You are so good and true. You have been brother, friend, guardian all in one, but in all my life I have never thought of you as you think of me, and I know I shall not change in this respect. I wish I felt differently, but, apart from such love as you ask, I have given you the best I had to bestow. There is no one whom I would place as friend and brother side by side with you. Let me tell you, too, that I know you would be glad to take me as a poor girl rather than as a rich heiress, and that I am certain, whenever you do choose a wife worthy23 of you, she will be one of the happiest women in the world."
"I shall not be likely to choose again, Kathleen. Mine will be a life-long love for you."
"Do not say that, Aylmer, except in the sense of remaining still my best and truest friend."
"I can never be less than that, dear Kathleen, never do less than the best in my power to promote your happiness, at any cost to myself. May God bless you, dear, and help me to bear my sorrow patiently!"
He touched her hand with his lips, then left the room and the house, without waiting to see Mrs. Ellicott and Geraldine again.
To neither of these did Kathleen repeat what had passed between her and Aylmer. "It is his secret, and must be held sacred," she said to herself. "Besides, there is only Ger that I make a girl confidante of, and I could not tell her that he cares for me most of all. Perhaps he will learn some day to think of her as he now does of me. That is the one bit of comfort to be had out of the whole thing—the hope that through this present sorrow a great happiness may come to Ger in the future."
Not for one moment did Kathleen indulge in a feeling of triumph on account of her conquest. Wilful she was, but far above any littleness of that kind. She would have had Aylmer forget his disappointment and her refusal, had this been possible. Still, in heart she could not altogether silence the feeling of pride and joy at the thought of being the choice of one so good as her guardian.
"My father would have wished me to accept him," she thought; and it gave her a feeling of pain that she should go contrary to what she knew would have been his wish.
"But he would have put my happiness before even Aylmer's, and would never have desired my lips to say 'Yes' when my heart said 'No.'"
A few dull days followed—dull both in and out-of-doors. Grey skies, rare glimpses of sunshine, alternate drizzle24 and downpour, made up weather neither fit for walking nor driving. Aylmer was from home. He had talked of accepting an invitation to join a shooting party at a friend's place some fifty miles away; and when he sent a few lines to say that he should be absent for a week or more, they all concluded he had done so, as he gave no address. Only Kathleen guessed why he had left home so suddenly, and she missed him more than she cared to acknowledge to herself, whilst she dreaded25 his return. There would never, she thought, be the same happy, unrestrained intercourse26 that there had been in the past. Ever before them both would come the memory of pain inflicted27 by the one, and of rejected affection and hopes crushed on the other.
Kathleen thought the week which followed the longest she had ever spent. The weather which was so trying to her, was equally so to her neighbours, and visitors were few in a country place where friends' houses lay somewhat wide apart.
A change came at last, and with it Kathleen's spirits began to rise again. She was happier, too, after Aylmer's return, for he had bravely schooled himself to meet her as of old, and to reserve his regrets, or at least the manifestation28 of them, for lonely hours at home. Even there he did not sit down and give himself up to unavailing sorrow, but sought strength from God to endure his trial, and found comfort in the thought of that divine love which never faileth.
Aylmer had just one confidante—Hetty Stapleton. As he had already told her what was in his heart, so now he acquainted her with the downfall of his plans and the extinction29 of his hopes.
"You will think I was wrong to speak so soon," he said, "but Kathleen's kindness carried me out of myself, and, shall I own it? your own suggestion as to the use that John Torrance would make of Ralph, urged me to try my fortune, lest I should lose by delay what I would have exercised any amount of patience to win. With the boy going in and out at the Hall, Kathleen charmed with him and bent30 on doing him good, the lad himself such a winsome31 little fellow, and so loyal to his father, I foresaw that the thin end of the wedge had been inserted. A little while, and it would be impossible to keep John Torrance in his present position."
"I understand the difficulty, and I do not blame you, though I wish you had not spoken so soon. What can I do to warn Kathleen? If I only dare tell her what I know, and yet I should hate to do it. She might put a wrong construction on my speaking, for most people hereabouts thought at one time that John Torrance was paying attentions—I will not say to me, he has far too good taste for that, but to my money. He was terribly embarrassed just then, and would have swallowed any pill if it were sufficiently32 gilded33. He found another way out of his difficulties, but he paid a high price for it, as my brother Gerard happens to know."
"If any one could say a warning word to Kathleen with a chance of success, you would be that one, Hetty. She likes and trusts you, and your good sense and tact34 would enable you to choose the right time."
"And that is not the present. Kathleen knows that we are good friends, and she would regard a word against John Torrance as suggestive of advocacy on your behalf. It will be very difficult for me to speak at all."
"You will understand, Hetty," said Aylmer, "that all I desire is Kathleen's happiness. If she could have loved me as I love her, I should have regarded her as a precious gift from God, and cherished her as such. This cannot be; but, all the same, I will leave no stone unturned to save her from herself, and from harm at another's hand. But no one must plead for me with her. I could not bear that."
"And you do not for a moment suppose that I could be so wanting in delicacy35, or of true friendship to yourself as to dream of such a thing," replied Hetty stoutly36.
"I am afraid I did think you capable of going almost any length that was not unwomanly, to help one whom you blessed with your friendship. You are so staunch always."
Hetty blushed with pleasure, but re-asserted her own views on the subject.
"That would have been unwomanly, in the higher sense of the word, though very woman-like in another, for the sex is very impulsive37, you know, and apt to damage a cause by mistaken kindness. Trust me, Aylmer. I will never injure yours."
"I do trust you. Now let me ask if you have heard the last rumour38 as to Captain Torrance's pecuniary39 position? It is whispered that before long he will have to yield possession of Monk's How to his creditors40, and that everything is virtually gone now."
"I heard this before I left town. At least it was said that he was about to make an arrangement of the kind, and that unless he married a rich girl, or had another fortune left to him, he would leave the old home of his family a penniless man, at a given time."
"When will that come to pass, I wonder? It is dreadful to think of, especially when Ralph is considered. His father will have robbed him of everything."
"When? In a little over a year from this time; and with all my heart I wish he were gone from Hollingsby now, never to return. We would take care of Ralph amongst us, or let Kathleen adopt him if she chose, and John Torrance out of the way, all would go well," said Hetty, in a tone that showed how much in earnest she was.
"I would rather think of John Torrance aroused to a sense of his responsibilities, starting to retrieve41 his fallen fortunes, and proving yet a wise as well as an affectionate father to that boy," replied Aylmer.
"What a sanguine42 nature yours must be! In the first place, there is no washing white, yet there is a better chance of doing that than of changing John Torrance. Then about the fallen fortunes. How would he begin to retrieve them? He has no profession, though he might perhaps turn jockey. He has no capital, and if he had, would he not be more likely to try to increase it by gambling43 than in any other way? He is just a hopeless black sheep. Nobody can help him, I tell you."
In Aylmer's mind was the higher thought: "There is One mighty44 to save to the uttermost, though human friends despair, or have become indifferent." But he did not say this to Hetty. He only replied—
"It is possible some friend might be found to help Torrance, if he were really inclined to make a start in the right direction."
"And I believe you would be foolish enough to do it, Aylmer Matheson. It would be like your Quixotic notions, and you would be rewarded as you deserved to be," said Hetty, indignant at the very thought.
"You judge my motives45 with your usual charity, dear friend. You are only just in thinking that there is no man to whom I would not lend a hand to help him upwards46, if he were in earnest in wishing to rise."
"If you are desirous of devoting your means to John Torrance's service, he will find you plenty of opportunities. Perhaps you would prefer giving him Westhill and its appurtenances in the meanwhile. An extra fortune will not long encumber47 John Torrance," said Hetty with considerable warmth.
"Not quite that," replied Aylmer, "though I would sacrifice something for Kathleen's sake. If Torrance were worthy of her, I could bear my own disappointment, and feel rewarded by the knowledge that she was happy."
"You are simply too good for this world, Aylmer, but a Quixotic goose all the same, though I like you the better for a nobility that I could not imitate. Were I a man, in your shoes, for instance, now, I should set all my wits to work to circumvent48 John Torrance and win Kathleen in spite of him. Aye, and I would do it somehow. I cannot think that it is manly to accept one rebuff as a final defeat, or to hold out open arms and a full purse to your opponent, to furnish him with new weapons to turn against yourself. Think better of it, my friend, on all accounts."
Aylmer did think, but it was not of Hetty's advice. He thought of the Master he professed49 to serve, the one perfect Man who, though He was equal with God, "made Himself of no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a servant"—for what?
Thinking of His blameless life of good-doing and His death of sacrifice, Aylmer Matheson might well feel that he would lose no manliness50 that was worth the name, if only he followed in the footsteps of his Divine Lord, "the Man of sorrows."
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1
manly
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| adj.有男子气概的；adv.男子般地，果断地 | |
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outspoken
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| adj.直言无讳的，坦率的，坦白无隐的 | |
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thawed
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| 解冻 | |
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ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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delightfully
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| 大喜，欣然 | |
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inviting
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| adj.诱人的，引人注目的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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8
exclusion
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| n.拒绝，排除，排斥，远足，远途旅行 | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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stifle
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| vt.使窒息；闷死；扼杀；抑止，阻止 | |
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guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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purely
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| adv.纯粹地，完全地 | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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scruples
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| n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 )；顾虑，顾忌v.感到于心不安，有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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reposed
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| v.将（手臂等）靠在某人（某物）上( repose的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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wilful
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| adj.任性的，故意的 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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abruptness
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| n. 突然，唐突 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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drizzle
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| v.下毛毛雨；n.毛毛雨，蒙蒙细雨 | |
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dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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26
intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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inflicted
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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manifestation
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| n.表现形式；表明；现象 | |
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extinction
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| n.熄灭，消亡，消灭，灭绝，绝种 | |
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30
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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winsome
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| n.迷人的，漂亮的 | |
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32
sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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gilded
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| a.镀金的，富有的 | |
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tact
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| n.机敏，圆滑，得体 | |
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delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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stoutly
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| adv.牢固地，粗壮的 | |
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impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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38
rumour
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| n.谣言，谣传，传闻 | |
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pecuniary
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| adj.金钱的；金钱上的 | |
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40
creditors
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| n.债权人，债主( creditor的名词复数 ) | |
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41
retrieve
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| vt.重新得到，收回；挽回，补救；检索 | |
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42
sanguine
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| adj.充满希望的，乐观的，血红色的 | |
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gambling
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| n.赌博；投机 | |
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44
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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45
motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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46
upwards
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| adv.向上，在更高处...以上 | |
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47
encumber
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| v.阻碍行动，妨碍，堆满 | |
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48
circumvent
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| vt.环绕，包围；对…用计取胜，智胜 | |
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49
professed
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| 公开声称的，伪称的，已立誓信教的 | |
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50
manliness
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| 刚毅 | |
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