ON the drive back from her dinner at the Nouveau Luxe, eventshad followed the course foreseen by Susy.
She had promised Strefford to seek legal advice about herdivorce, and he had kissed her; and the promise had been easierto make than she had expected, the kiss less difficult toreceive.
She had gone to the dinner a-quiver with the mortification1 oflearning that her husband was still with the Hickses. Morallysure of it though she had been, the discovery was a shock, andshe measured for the first time the abyss between fearing andknowing. No wonder he had not written--the modern husband didnot have to: he had only to leave it to time and the newspapersto make known his intentions. Susy could imagine Nick's sayingto himself, as he sometimes used to say when she reminded him ofan unanswered letter: "But there are lots of ways of answeringa letter--and writing doesn't happen to be mine."Well--he had done it in his way, and she was answered. For aminute, as she laid aside the paper, darkness submerged her, andshe felt herself dropping down into the bottomless anguish2 ofher dreadful vigil in the Palazzo Vanderlyn. But she was wearyof anguish: her healthy body and nerves instinctively3 rejectedit. The wave was spent, and she felt herself irresistiblystruggling back to light and life and youth. He didn't wanther! Well, she would try not to want him! There lay all theold expedients5 at her hand--the rouge6 for her white lips, theatropine for her blurred7 eyes, the new dress on her bed, thethought of Strefford and his guests awaiting her, and of theconclusions that the diners of the Nouveau Luxe would draw fromseeing them together. Thank heaven no one would say: "Poor oldSusy--did you know Nick had chucked her?" They would all say:
"Poor old Nick! Yes, I daresay she was sorry to chuck him; butAltringham's mad to marry her, and what could she do? "And once again events had followed the course she had foreseen.
Seeing her at Lord Altringham's table, with the Ascots and theold Duchess of Dunes8, the interested spectators could not butregard the dinner as confirming the rumour9 of her marriage. AsEllie said, people didn't wait nowadays to announce their"engagements" till the tiresome10 divorce proceedings11 were over.
Ellie herself, prodigally12 pearled and ermined, had floated inlate with Algie Bockheimer in her wake, and sat, in conspicuoustete-a-tete, nodding and signalling her sympathy to Susy.
Approval beamed from every eye: it was awfully13 exciting, theyall seemed to say, seeing Susy Lansing pull it off! As theparty, after dinner, drifted from the restaurant back into thehall, she caught, in the smiles and hand-pressures crowdingabout her, the scarcely-repressed hint of officialcongratulations; and Violet Melrose, seated in a corner withFulmer, drew her down with a wan4 jade-circled arm, to whispertenderly: "It's most awfully clever of you, darling, not to bewearing any jewels."In all the women's eyes she read the reflected lustre14 of thejewels she could wear when she chose: it was as though theirglitter reached her from the far-off bank where they lay sealedup in the Altringham strong-box. What a fool she had been tothink that Strefford would ever believe she didn't care forthem!
The Ambassadress, a blank perpendicular15 person, had been a shadeless affable than Susy could have wished; but then there wasLady Joan--and the girl was handsome, alarmingly handsome toaccount for that: probably every one in the room had guessedit. And the old Duchess of Dunes was delightful16. She lookedrather like Strefford in a wig17 and false pearls (Susy was surethey were as false as her teeth); and her cordiality was sodemonstrative that the future bride found it more difficult toaccount for than Lady Ascot's coldness, till she heard the oldlady, as they passed into the hall, breathe in a hissing18 whisperto her nephew: "Streff, dearest, when you have a minute's time,and can drop in at my wretched little pension, I know you canexplain in two words what I ought to do to pacify19 those awfulmoney-lenders .... And you'll bring your exquisite20 American tosee me, won't you! ... No, Joan Senechal's too fair for mytaste .... Insipid21...""Yes: the taste of it all was again sweet on her lips. A fewdays later she began to wonder how the thought of Strefford'sendearments could have been so alarming. To be sure he was notlavish of them; but when he did touch her, even when he kissedher, it no longer seemed to matter. An almost complete absenceof sensation had mercifully succeeded to the first wild flurryof her nerves.
And so it would be, no doubt, with everything else in her newlife. If it failed to provoke any acute reactions, whether ofpain or pleasure, the very absence of sensation would make forpeace. And in the meanwhile she was tasting what, she had begunto suspect, was the maximum of bliss22 to most of the women sheknew: days packed with engagements, the exhilaration offashionable crowds, the thrill of snapping up a jewel or abibelot or a new "model" that one's best friend wanted, or ofbeing invited to some private show, or some exclusiveentertainment, that one's best friend couldn't get to. Therewas nothing, now, that she couldn't buy, nowhere that shecouldn't go: she had only to choose and to triumph. And for awhile the surface-excitement of her life gave her the illusionof enjoyment23.
Strefford, as she had expected, had postponed24 his return toEngland, and they had now been for nearly three weeks togetherin their new, and virtually avowed25, relation. She had fanciedthat, after all, the easiest part of it would be just the beingwith Strefford--the falling back on their old tried friendshipto efface26 the sense of strangeness. But, though she had so soongrown used to his caresses27, he himself remained curiouslyunfamiliar: she was hardly sure, at times, that it was the oldStrefford she was talking to. It was not that his point of viewhad changed, but that new things occupied and absorbed him. Inall the small sides of his great situation he took an almostchildish satisfaction; and though he still laughed at both itsprivileges and its obligations, it was now with a jealouslaughter.
It amused him inexhaustibly, for instance, to be made up to byall the people who had always disapproved28 of him, and to uniteat the same table persons who had to dissemble their annoyanceat being invited together lest they should not be invited atall. Equally exhilarating was the capricious favouring of thedull and dowdy29 on occasions when the brilliant and disreputableexpected his notice. It enchanted30 him, for example, to ask theold Duchess of Dunes and Violet Melrose to dine with the Vicarof Altringham, on his way to Switzerland for a month's holiday,and to watch the face of the Vicar's wife while the Duchessnarrated her last difficulties with book-makers and money-lenders, and Violet proclaimed the rights of Love and Genius toall that had once been supposed to belong exclusively toRespectability and Dulness.
Susy had to confess that her own amusements were hardly of ahigher order; but then she put up with them for lack of better,whereas Strefford, who might have had what he pleased, wascompletely satisfied with such triumphs.
Somehow, in spite of his honours and his opportunities, heseemed to have shrunk. The old Strefford had certainly been alarger person, and she wondered if material prosperity werealways a beginning of ossification31. Strefford had been muchmore fun when he lived by his wits. Sometimes, now, when hetried to talk of politics, or assert himself on some question ofpublic interest, she was startled by his limitations. Formerly,when he was not sure of his ground, it had been his way to turnthe difficulty by glib32 nonsense or easy irony33; now he wasactually dull, at times almost pompous34. She noticed too, forthe first time, that he did not always hear clearly when severalpeople were talking at once, or when he was at the theatre; andhe developed a habit of saying over and over again: "Does so-and-so speak indistinctly? Or am I getting deaf, I wonder?"which wore on her nerves by its suggestion of a correspondingmental infirmity.
These thoughts did not always trouble her. The current of idleactivity on which they were both gliding35 was her native elementas well as his; and never had its tide been as swift, its wavesas buoyant. In his relation to her, too, he was full of tactand consideration. She saw that he still remembered theirfrightened exchange of glances after their first kiss; and thesense of this little hidden spring of imagination in him wassometimes enough for her thirst.
She had always had a rather masculine punctuality in keeping herword, and after she had promised Strefford to take steps towarda divorce she had promptly36 set about doing it. A suddenreluctance prevented her asking the advice of friends like EllieVanderlyn, whom she knew to be in the thick of the samenegotiations, and all she could think of was to consult a youngAmerican lawyer practicing in Paris, with whom she felt shecould talk the more easily because he was not from New York, andprobably unacquainted with her history.
She was so ignorant of the procedure in such matters that shewas surprised and relieved at his asking few personal questions;but it was a shock to learn that a divorce could not beobtained, either in New York or Paris, merely on the ground ofdesertion or incompatibility38.
"I thought nowadays ... if people preferred to live apart ... itcould always be managed," she stammered39, wondering at her ownignorance, after the many conjugal40 ruptures41 she had assisted at.
The young lawyer smiled, and coloured slightly. His lovelyclient evidently intimidated42 him by her grace, and still more byher inexperience.
"It can be--generally," he admitted; "and especially so if ...
as I gather is the case ... your husband is equallyanxious ....""Oh, quite!" she exclaimed, suddenly humiliated43 by having toadmit it.
"Well, then--may I suggest that, to bring matters to a point,the best way would be for you to write to him?"She recoiled44 slightly. It had never occurred to her that thelawyers would not "manage it" without her intervention45.
"Write to him ... but what about?""Well, expressing your wish ... to recover your freedom ....
The rest, I assume," said the young lawyer, "may be left to Mr.
Lansing."She did not know exactly what he meant, and was too muchperturbed by the idea of having to communicate with Nick tofollow any other train of thought. How could she write such aletter? And yet how could she confess to the lawyer that shehad not the courage to do so? He would, of course, tell her togo home and be reconciled. She hesitated perplexedly.
"Wouldn't it be better," she suggested, "if the letter were tocome from--from your office?"He considered this politely. "On the whole: no. If, as I takeit, an amicable46 arrangement is necessary--to secure therequisite evidence then a line from you, suggesting aninterview, seems to me more advisable.""An interview? Is an interview necessary?" She was ashamed toshow her agitation47 to this cautiously smiling young man, whomust wonder at her childish lack of understanding; but the breakin her voice was uncontrollable.
"Oh, please write to him--I can't! And I can't see him! Oh,can't you arrange it for me?" she pleaded.
She saw now that her idea of a divorce had been that it wassomething one went out--or sent out--to buy in a shop:
something concrete and portable, that Strefford's money couldpay for, and that it required no personal participation48 toobtain. What a fool the lawyer must think her! Stiffeningherself, she rose from her seat.
"My husband and I don't wish to see each other again .... I'msure it would be useless ... and very painful.""You are the best judge, of course. But in any case, a letterfrom you, a friendly letter, seems wiser ... considering theapparent lack of evidence ....""Very well, then; I'll write," she agreed, and hurried away,scarcely hearing his parting injunction that she should take acopy of her letter.
That night she wrote. At the last moment it might have beenimpossible, if at the theatre little Breckenridge had not bobbedinto her box. He was just back from Rome, where he had dinedwith the Hickses ("a bang-up show--they're really lances-youwouldn't know them!"), and had met there Lansing, whom hereported as intending to marry Coral "as soon as things weresettled". "You were dead right, weren't you, Susy," hesnickered, "that night in Venice last summer, when we allthought you were joking about their engagement? Pity now youchucked our surprise visit to the Hickses, and sent Streff up todrag us back just as we were breaking in! You remember?"He flung off the "Streff" airily, in the old way, but with atentative side-glance at his host; and Lord Altringham, leaningtoward Susy, said coldly: "Was Breckenridge speaking about me?
I didn't catch what he said. Does he speak indistinctly--or amI getting deaf, I wonder?"After that it seemed comparatively easy, when Strefford haddropped her at her hotel, to go upstairs and write. She dashedoff the date and her address, and then stopped; but suddenly sheremembered Breckenridge's snicker, and the words rushed fromher. "Nick dear, it was July when you left Venice, and I havehad no word from you since the note in which you said you hadgone for a few days, and that I should hear soon again.
"You haven't written yet, and it is five months since you leftme. That means, I suppose, that you want to take back yourfreedom and give me mine. Wouldn't it be kinder, in that case,to tell me so? It is worse than anything to go on as we arenow. I don't know how to put these things but since you seemunwilling to write to me perhaps you would prefer to send youranswer to Mr. Frederic Spearman, the American lawyer here. Hisaddress is 100, Boulevard Haussmann. I hope--"She broke off on the last word. Hope? What did she hope,either for him or for herself? Wishes for his welfare wouldsound like a mockery--and she would rather her letter shouldseem bitter than unfeeling. Above all, she wanted to get itdone. To have to re-write even those few lines would betorture. So she left "I hope," and simply added: "to hearbefore long what you have decided49."She read it over, and shivered. Not one word of the past-notone allusion50 to that mysterious interweaving of their liveswhich had enclosed them one in the other like the flower in itssheath! What place had such memories in such a letter? She hadthe feeling that she wanted to hide that other Nick away in herown bosom51, and with him the other Susy, the Susy he had onceimagined her to be .... Neither of them seemed concerned withthe present business.
The letter done, she stared at the sealed envelope till itspresence in the room became intolerable, and she understood thatshe must either tear it up or post it immediately. She wentdown to the hall of the sleeping hotel, and bribed52 the night-porter to carry the letter to the nearest post office, though heobjected that, at that hour, no time would be gained. "I wantit out of the house," she insisted: and waited sternly by thedesk, in her dressing-gown, till he had performed the errand.
As she re-entered her room, the disordered writing-table struckher; and she remembered the lawyer's injunction to take a copyof her letter. A copy to be filed away with the documents in"Lansing versus53 Lansing!" She burst out laughing at the idea.
What were lawyers made of, she wondered? Didn't the man guess,by the mere37 look in her eyes and the sound of her voice, thatshe would never, as long as she lived, forget a word of thatletter--that night after night she would lie down, as she waslying down to-night, to stare wide-eyed for hours into thedarkness, while a voice in her brain monotonously54 hammered out:
"Nick dear, it was July when you left me ..." and so on, wordafter word, down to the last fatal syllable55?
收听单词发音 |
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mortification
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| n.耻辱，屈辱 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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wan
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| (wide area network)广域网 | |
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expedients
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| n.应急有效的，权宜之计的( expedient的名词复数 ) | |
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rouge
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| n.胭脂，口红唇膏；v.(在…上)擦口红 | |
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blurred
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| v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离 | |
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dunes
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| 沙丘( dune的名词复数 ) | |
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rumour
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| n.谣言，谣传，传闻 | |
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tiresome
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| adj.令人疲劳的，令人厌倦的 | |
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proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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prodigally
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| adv.浪费地，丰饶地 | |
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awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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lustre
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| n.光亮，光泽；荣誉 | |
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perpendicular
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| adj.垂直的，直立的；n.垂直线，垂直的位置 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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wig
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| n.假发 | |
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hissing
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| n. 发嘶嘶声, 蔑视 动词hiss的现在分词形式 | |
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pacify
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| vt.使(某人)平静(或息怒)；抚慰 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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insipid
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| adj.无味的，枯燥乏味的，单调的 | |
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bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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postponed
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| vt.& vi.延期，缓办，（使）延迟vt.把…放在次要地位；[语]把…放在后面（或句尾）vi.（疟疾等）延缓发作（或复发） | |
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avowed
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| adj.公开声明的，承认的v.公开声明，承认( avow的过去式和过去分词) | |
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efface
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| v.擦掉，抹去 | |
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caresses
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| 爱抚，抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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disapproved
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| v.不赞成( disapprove的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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dowdy
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| adj.不整洁的；过旧的 | |
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enchanted
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| adj. 被施魔法的，陶醉的，入迷的 动词enchant的过去式和过去分词 | |
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ossification
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| n.骨化，（思想等的）僵化 | |
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glib
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| adj.圆滑的，油嘴滑舌的 | |
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irony
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| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
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pompous
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| adj.傲慢的，自大的；夸大的；豪华的 | |
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gliding
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| v. 滑翔 adj. 滑动的 | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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incompatibility
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| n.不兼容 | |
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stammered
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| v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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conjugal
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| adj.婚姻的，婚姻性的 | |
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ruptures
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| n.（体内组织等的）断裂( rupture的名词复数 )；爆裂；疝气v.（使）破裂( rupture的第三人称单数 )；（使体内组织等）断裂；使（友好关系）破裂；使绝交 | |
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intimidated
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| v.恐吓；威胁adj.害怕的；受到威胁的 | |
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humiliated
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| 感到羞愧的 | |
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recoiled
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| v.畏缩( recoil的过去式和过去分词 )；退缩；报应；返回 | |
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intervention
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| n.介入，干涉，干预 | |
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amicable
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| adj.和平的，友好的；友善的 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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participation
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| n.参与，参加，分享 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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allusion
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| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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bribed
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| v.贿赂( bribe的过去式和过去分词 )；向（某人）行贿，贿赂 | |
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versus
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| prep.以…为对手，对；与…相比之下 | |
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monotonously
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| adv.单调地，无变化地 | |
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syllable
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| n.音节；vt.分音节 | |
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