It was nearly three o'clock, and in the Biological Laboratory the lamps were all alight. The class was busy with razors cutting sections of the root of a fern to examine it microscopically3. A certain silent frog-like boy, a private student who plays no further part in this story, was working intently, looking more like a frog than usual--his expression modest with a touch of effort. Behind Miss Heydinger, jaded4 and untidy in her early manner again, was a vacant seat, an abandoned microscope and scattered5 pencils and note-books.
On the door of the class-room was a list of those who had passed the Christmas examination. At the head of it was the name of the aforesaid frog-like boy; next to him came Smithers and one of the girls bracketed together. Lewisham ingloriously headed the second class, and Miss Heydinger's name did not appear--there was, the list asserted, "one failure." So the student pays for the finer emotions.
And in the spacious6 solitude7 of the museum gallery devoted8 to the Raphael cartoons sat Lewisham, plunged9 in gloomy meditation10. A negligent11 hand pulled thoughtfully at the indisputable moustache, with particular attention to such portions as were long enough to gnaw12.
He was trying to see the situation clearly. As he was just smarting acutely under his defeat, this speaks little for the clearness of his mind. The shadow of that defeat lay across everything, blotted13 out the light of his pride, shaded his honour, threw everything into a new perspective. The rich prettiness of his love-making had fled to some remote quarter of his being. Against the frog-like youngster he felt a savage14 animosity. And Smithers had betrayed him. He was angry, bitterly angry, with "swats" and "muggers" who spent their whole time grinding for these foolish chancy examinations. Nor had the practical examination been altogether fair, and one of the questions in the written portion was quite outside the lectures. Biver, Professor Biver, was an indiscriminating ass2, he felt assured, and so too was Weeks, the demonstrator. But these obstacles could not blind his intelligence to the manifest cause of his overthrow15, the waste of more than half his available evening, the best time for study in the twenty-four hours, day after day. And that was going on steadily16, a perpetual leakage17 of time. To-night he would go to meet her again, and begin to accumulate to himself ignominy in the second part of the course, the botanical section, also. And so, reluctantly rejecting one cloudy excuse after another, he clearly focussed the antagonism18 between his relations to Ethel and his immediate19 ambitions.
Things had come so easily to him for the last two years that he had taken his steady upward progress in life as assured. It had never occurred to him, when he went to intercept20 Ethel after that _seance_, that he went into any peril21 of that sort. Now he had had a sharp reminder22. He began to shape a picture of the frog-like boy at home--he was a private student of the upper middle class--sitting in a convenient study with a writing-table, book-shelves, and a shaded lamp--Lewisham worked at his chest of drawers, with his greatcoat on, and his feet in the lowest drawer wrapped in all his available linen--and in the midst of incredible conveniences the frog-like boy was working, working, working. Meanwhile Lewisham toiled23 through the foggy streets, Chelsea-ward, or, after he had left her, tramped homeward--full of foolish imaginings.
He began to think with bloodless lucidity24 of his entire relationship to Ethel. His softer emotions were in abeyance25, but he told himself no lies. He cared for her, he loved to be with her and to talk to her and please her, but that was not all his desire. He thought of the bitter words of an orator1 at Hammersmith, who had complained that in our present civilisation26 even the elemental need of marriage was denied. Virtue27 had become a vice28. "We marry in fear and trembling, sex for a home is the woman's traffic, and the man comes to his heart's desire when his heart's desire is dead." The thing which had seemed a mere29 flourish, came back now with a terrible air of truth. Lewisham saw that it was a case of divergent ways. On the one hand that shining staircase to fame and power, that had been his dream from the very dawn of his adolescence30, and on the other hand--Ethel.
And if he chose Ethel, even then, would he have his choice? What would come of it? A few walks more or less! She was hopelessly poor, he was hopelessly poor, and this cheat of a Medium was her stepfather! After all she was not well-educated, she did not understand his work and his aims....
He suddenly perceived with absolute conviction that after the _seance_ he should have gone home and forgotten her. Why had he felt that irresistible32 impulse to seek her out? Why had his imagination spun33 such a strange web of possibilities about her? He was involved now, foolishly involved.... All his future was a sacrifice to this transitory ghost of love-making in the streets. He pulled spitefully at his moustache.
His picture began to shape itself into Ethel, and her mysterious mother, and the vague dexterous34 Chaffery holding him back, entangled35 in an impalpable net from that bright and glorious ascent36 to performance and distinction. Leaky boots and the splash of cabs for all his life as his portion! Already the Forbes Medal, the immediate step, was as good as lost....
What on earth had he been thinking about? He fell foul37 of his upbringing. Men of the upper or middle classes were put up to these things by their parents; they were properly warned against involving themselves in this love nonsense before they were independent. It was much better....
Everything was going. Not only his work--his scientific career, but the Debating Society, the political movement, all his work for Humanity.... Why not be resolute--even now?... Why not put the thing clearly and plainly to her? Or write? If he wrote now he could get the advantage of the evening at the Library. He must ask her to forgo31 these walks home--at least until the next examination. _She_ would understand. He had a qualm of doubt whether she would understand.... He grew angry at this possibility. But it was no good mincing38 matters. If once he began to consider her--Why should he consider her in that way? Simply because she was unreasonable39!
Lewisham had a transitory gust40 of anger.
Yet that abandonment of the walks insisted on looking mean to him. And she would think it mean. Which was very much worse, somehow. _Why_ mean? Why should she think it mean? He grew angry again.
The portly museum policeman who had been watching him furtively41, wondering why a student should sit in front of the "Sacrifice of Lystra" and gnaw lips and nails and moustache, and scowl42 and glare at that masterpiece, saw him rise suddenly to his feet with an air of resolution, spin on his heel, and set off with a quick step out of the gallery. He looked neither to the right nor the left. He passed out of sight down the staircase.
"Gone to get some more moustache to eat, I suppose," said the policeman reflectively....
"One 'ud think something had bit him."
After some pensive43 moments the policeman strolled along down the gallery and came to a stop opposite the cartoon.
"Figgers is a bit big for the houses," said the policeman, anxious to do impartial44 justice. "But that's Art. I lay '_e_ couldn't do anything ... not arf so good."
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1
orator
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| n.演说者，演讲者，雄辩家 | |
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ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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microscopically
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| 显微镜下 | |
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jaded
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| adj.精疲力竭的；厌倦的；（因过饱或过多而）腻烦的；迟钝的 | |
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scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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spacious
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| adj.广阔的，宽敞的 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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meditation
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| n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录 | |
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negligent
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| adj.疏忽的；玩忽的；粗心大意的 | |
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gnaw
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| v.不断地啃、咬；使苦恼，折磨 | |
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blotted
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| 涂污( blot的过去式和过去分词 )； （用吸墨纸）吸干 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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overthrow
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| v.推翻，打倒，颠覆；n.推翻，瓦解，颠覆 | |
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steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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leakage
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| n.漏，泄漏；泄漏物；漏出量 | |
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antagonism
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| n.对抗，敌对，对立 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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intercept
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| vt.拦截，截住，截击 | |
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peril
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| n.(严重的)危险；危险的事物 | |
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reminder
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| n.提醒物，纪念品；暗示，提示 | |
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toiled
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| 长时间或辛苦地工作( toil的过去式和过去分词 )； 艰难缓慢地移动，跋涉 | |
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lucidity
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| n.明朗，清晰，透明 | |
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abeyance
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| n.搁置，缓办，中止，产权未定 | |
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civilisation
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| n.文明，文化，开化，教化 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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adolescence
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| n.青春期，青少年 | |
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forgo
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| v.放弃，抛弃 | |
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irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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spun
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| v.纺，杜撰，急转身 | |
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dexterous
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| adj.灵敏的；灵巧的 | |
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entangled
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| adj.卷入的；陷入的；被缠住的；缠在一起的v.使某人（某物/自己）缠绕，纠缠于（某物中），使某人（自己）陷入（困难或复杂的环境中）( entangle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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ascent
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| n.(声望或地位)提高；上升，升高；登高 | |
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foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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mincing
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| adj.矫饰的；v.切碎；切碎 | |
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unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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gust
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| n.阵风，突然一阵（雨、烟等），（感情的）迸发 | |
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furtively
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| adv. 偷偷地, 暗中地 | |
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scowl
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| vi.(at)生气地皱眉，沉下脸，怒视；n.怒容 | |
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pensive
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| a.沉思的,哀思的,忧沉的 | |
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44
impartial
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| adj.(in,to)公正的，无偏见的 | |
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