My life has for several years been a theatre of calamity1. I have been a mark for the vigilance of tyranny, and I could not escape. My fairest prospects2 have been blasted. My enemy has shown himself inaccessible3 to entreaties4, and untired in persecution5. My fame, as well as my happiness, has become his victim. Every one, as far as my story has been known, has refused to assist me in my distress6, and has execrated7 my name. I have not deserved this treatment. My own conscience witnesses in behalf of that innocence8, my pretensions9 to which are regarded in the world as incredible. There is now, however, little hope that I shall escape from the toils10 that universally beset11 me. I am incited12 to the penning of these memoirs13 only by a desire to divert my mind from the deplorableness of my situation, and a faint idea that posterity14 may by their means be induced to render me a justice which my contemporaries refuse. My story will, at least, appear to have that consistency15 which is seldom attendant but upon truth.
I was born of humble16 parents, in a remote county of England. Their occupations were such as usually fall to the lot of peasants, and they had no portion to give me, but an education free from the usual sources of depravity, and the inheritance, long since lost by their unfortunate progeny17! of an honest fame. I was taught the rudiments18 of no science, except reading, writing, and arithmetic. But I had an inquisitive19 mind, and neglected no means of information from conversation or books. My improvement was greater than my condition in life afforded room to expect.
There are other circumstances deserving to be mentioned as having influenced the history of my future life. I was somewhat above the middle stature20. Without being particularly athletic21 in appearance, or large in my dimensions, I was uncommonly23 vigorous and active. My joints24 were supple25, and I was formed to excel in youthful sports. The habits of my mind, however, were to a certain degree at war with the dictates26 of boyish vanity. I had considerable aversion to the boisterous27 gaiety of the village gallants, and contrived28 to satisfy my love of praise with an unfrequent apparition29 at their amusements. My excellence30 in these respects, however, gave a turn to my meditations31. I delighted to read of feats32 of activity, and was particularly interested by tales in which corporeal33 ingenuity34 or strength are the means resorted to for supplying resources and conquering difficulties. I inured35 myself to mechanical pursuits, and devoted36 much of my time to an endeavour after mechanical invention.
The spring of action which, perhaps more than any other, characterised the whole train of my life, was curiosity. It was this that gave me my mechanical turn; I was desirous of tracing the variety of effects which might be produced from given causes. It was this that made me a sort of natural philosopher; I could not rest till I had acquainted myself with the solutions that had been invented for the phenomena37 of the universe. In fine, this produced in me an invincible38 attachment39 to books of narrative40 and romance. I panted for the unravelling41 of an adventure with an anxiety, perhaps almost equal to that of the man whose future happiness or misery42 depended on its issue. I read, I devoured43 compositions of this sort. They took possession of my soul; and the effects they produced were frequently discernible in my external appearance and my health. My curiosity, however, was not entirely44 ignoble45: village anecdotes46 and scandal had no charms for me: my imagination must be excited; and when that was not done, my curiosity was dormant47.
The residence of my parents was within the manor48 of Ferdinando Falkland, a country squire49 of considerable opulence50. At an early age I attracted the favourable51 notice of Mr. Collins, this gentleman’s steward52, who used to call in occasionally at my father’s. He observed the particulars of my progress with approbation53, and made a favourable report to his master of my industry and genius.
In the summer of the year ——, Mr. Falkland visited his estate in our county after an absence of several months. This was a period of misfortune to me. I was then eighteen years of age. My father lay dead in our cottage. I had lost my mother some years before. In this forlorn situation I was surprised with a message from the squire, ordering me to repair to the mansion-house the morning after my father’s funeral.
Though I was not a stranger to books, I had no practical acquaintance with men. I had never had occasion to address a person of this elevated rank, and I felt no small uneasiness and awe54 on the present occasion. I found Mr. Falkland a man of small stature, with an extreme delicacy55 of form and appearance. In place of the hard-favoured and inflexible56 visages I had been accustomed to observe, every muscle and petty line of his countenance58 seemed to be in an inconceivable degree pregnant with meaning. His manner was kind, attentive59, and humane60. His eye was full of animation61; but there was a grave and sad solemnity in his air, which, for want of experience, I imagined was the inheritance of the great, and the instrument by which the distance between them and their inferiors was maintained. His look bespoke62 the unquietness of his mind, and frequently wandered with an expression of disconsolateness64 and anxiety.
My reception was as gracious and encouraging as I could possibly desire. Mr. Falkland questioned me respecting my learning, and my conceptions of men and things, and listened to my answers with condescension65 and approbation. This kindness soon restored to me a considerable part of my self-possession, though I still felt restrained by the graceful66, but unaltered dignity of his carriage. When Mr. Falkland had satisfied his curiosity, he proceeded to inform me that he was in want of a secretary, that I appeared to him sufficiently67 qualified68 for that office, and that, if, in my present change of situation, occasioned by the death of my father, I approved of the employment, he would take me into his family.
I felt highly flattered by the proposal, and was warm in the expression of my acknowledgments. I set eagerly about the disposal of the little property my father had left, in which I was assisted by Mr. Collins. I had not now a relation in the world, upon whose kindness and interposition I had any direct claim. But, far from regarding this deserted69 situation with terror, I formed golden visions of the station I was about to occupy. I little suspected that the gaiety and lightness of heart I had hitherto enjoyed were upon the point of leaving me for ever, and that the rest of my days were devoted to misery and alarm.
My employment was easy and agreeable. It consisted partly in the transcribing70 and arranging certain papers, and partly in writing from my master’s dictation letters of business, as well as sketches71 of literary composition. Many of these latter consisted of an analytical72 survey of the plans of different authors and conjectural73 speculations74 upon hints they afforded, tending either to the detection of their errors, or the carrying forward their discoveries. All of them bore powerful marks of a profound and elegant mind, well stored with literature, and possessed76 of an uncommon22 share of activity and discrimination.
My station was in that part of the house which was appropriated for the reception of books, it being my duty to perform the functions of librarian as well as secretary. Here my hours would have glided77 in tranquillity78 and peace, had not my situation included in it circumstances totally different from those which attended me in my father’s cottage. In early life my mind had been much engrossed79 by reading and reflection: my intercourse80 with my fellow mortals was occasional and short. But, in my new residence, I was excited by every motive81 of interest and novelty to study my master’s character; and I found in it an ample field for speculation75 and conjecture82.
His mode of living was in the utmost degree recluse83 and solitary84. He had no inclination85 to scenes of revelry and mirth. He avoided the busy haunts of men; nor did he seem desirous to compensate86 for this privation by the confidence of friendship. He appeared a total stranger to every thing which usually bears the appellation87 of pleasure. His features were scarcely ever relaxed into a smile, nor did that air which spoke63 the unhappiness of his mind at any time forsake88 them: yet his manners were by no means such as denoted moroseness89 and misanthropy. He was compassionate90 and considerate for others, though the stateliness of his carriage and the reserve of his temper were at no time interrupted. His appearance and general behaviour might have strongly interested all persons in his favour; but the coldness of his address, and the impenetrableness of his sentiments, seemed to forbid those demonstrations91 of kindness to which one might otherwise have been prompted.
Such was the general appearance of Mr. Falkland: but his disposition92 was extremely unequal. The distemper which afflicted93 him with incessant94 gloom had its paroxysms. Sometimes he was hasty, peevish95, and tyrannical; but this proceeded rather from the torment96 of his mind than an unfeeling disposition; and when reflection recurred97, he appeared willing that the weight of his misfortune should fall wholly upon himself. Sometimes he entirely lost his self-possession, and his behaviour was changed into frenzy98: he would strike his forehead, his brows became knit, his features distorted, and his teeth ground one against the other. When he felt the approach of these symptoms, he would suddenly rise, and, leaving the occupation, whatever it was, in which he was engaged, hasten into a solitude99 upon which no person dared to intrude100.
It must not be supposed that the whole of what I am describing was visible to the persons about him; nor, indeed, was I acquainted with it in the extent here stated but after a considerable time, and in gradual succession. With respect to the domestics in general, they saw but little of their master. None of them, except myself, from the nature of my functions, and Mr. Collins, from the antiquity101 of his service and the respectableness of his character, approached Mr. Falkland, but at stated seasons and for a very short interval102. They knew him only by the benevolence103 of his actions, and the principles of inflexible integrity by which he was ordinarily guided; and though they would sometimes indulge their conjectures104 respecting his singularities, they regarded him upon the whole with veneration105, as a being of a superior order.
One day, when I had been about three months in the service of my patron, I went to a closet, or small apartment, which was separated from the library by a narrow gallery that was lighted by a small window near the roof. I had conceived that there was no person in the room, and intended only to put any thing in order that I might find out of its place. As I opened the door, I heard at the same instant a deep groan106, expressive107 of intolerable anguish108. The sound of the door in opening seemed to alarm the person within; I heard the lid of a trunk hastily shut, and the noise as of fastening a lock. I conceived that Mr. Falkland was there, and was going instantly to retire; but at that moment a voice, that seemed supernaturally tremendous, exclaimed, Who is there? The voice was Mr. Falkland’s. The sound of it thrilled my very vitals. I endeavoured to answer, but my speech failed, and being incapable109 of any other reply, I instinctively110 advanced within the door into the room. Mr. Falkland was just risen from the floor upon which he had been sitting or kneeling. His face betrayed strong symptoms of confusion. With a violent effort, however, these symptoms vanished, and instantaneously gave place to a countenance sparkling with rage.
“Villain!” cried he, “what has brought you here?” I hesitated a confused and irresolute111 answer. “Wretch!” interrupted Mr. Falkland, with uncontrollable impatience112, “you want to ruin me. You set yourself as a spy upon my actions; but bitterly shall you repent113 your insolence114. Do you think you shall watch my privacies with impunity115?” I attempted to defend myself. “Begone, devil!” rejoined he. “Quit the room, or I will trample116 you into atoms.” Saying this, he advanced towards me. But I was already sufficiently terrified, and vanished in a moment. I heard the door shut after me with violence; and thus ended this extraordinary scene.
I saw him again in the evening, and he was then tolerably composed. His behaviour, which was always kind, was now doubly attentive and soothing117. He seemed to have something of which he wished to disburthen his mind, but to want words in which to convey it. I looked at him with anxiety and affection. He made two unsuccessful efforts, shook his head, and then putting five guineas into my hand, pressed it in a manner that I could feel proceeded from a mind pregnant with various emotions, though I could not interpret them. Having done this, he seemed immediately to recollect118 himself, and to take refuge in the usual distance and solemnity of his manner.
I easily understood that secrecy119 was one of the things expected from me; and, indeed, my mind was too much disposed to meditate120 upon what I had heard and seen, to make it a topic of indiscriminate communication. Mr. Collins, however, and myself happened to sup together that evening, which was but seldom the case, his avocations121 obliging him to be much abroad. He could not help observing an uncommon dejection and anxiety in my countenance, and affectionately enquired122 into the reason. I endeavoured to evade123 his questions, but my youth and ignorance of the world gave me little advantage for that purpose. Beside this, I had been accustomed to view Mr. Collins with considerable attachment, and I conceived from the nature of his situation that there could be small impropriety in making him my confident in the present instance. I repeated to him minutely every thing that had passed, and concluded with a solemn declaration that, though treated with caprice, I was not anxious for myself; no inconvenience or danger should ever lead me to a pusillanimous124 behaviour; and I felt only for my patron, who, with every advantage for happiness, and being in the highest degree worthy125 of it, seemed destined126 to undergo unmerited distress.
In answer to my communication, Mr. Collins informed me that some incidents, of a nature similar to that which I related, had fallen under his own knowledge, and that from the whole he could not help concluding that our unfortunate patron, was at times disordered in his intellects. “Alas127!” continued he, “it was not always thus! Ferdinando Falkland was once the gayest of the gay. Not indeed of that frothy sort, who excite contempt instead of admiration128, and whose levity129 argues thoughtlessness rather than felicity. His gaiety was always accompanied with dignity. It was the gaiety of the hero and the scholar. It was chastened with reflection and sensibility, and never lost sight either of good taste or humanity. Such as it was however, it denoted a genuine hilarity130 of heart, imparted an inconceivable brilliancy to his company and conversation, and rendered him the perpetual delight of the diversified131 circles he then willingly frequented. You see nothing of him, my dear Williams, but the ruin of that Falkland who was courted by sages57, and adored by the fair. His youth, distinguished132 in its outset by the most unusual promise, is tarnished133. His sensibility is shrunk up and withered134 by events the most disgustful to his feelings. His mind was fraught135 with all the rhapsodies of visionary honour; and, in his sense, nothing but the grosser part, the mere136 shell of Falkland, was capable of surviving the wound that his pride has sustained.”
These reflections of my friend Collins strongly tended to inflame137 my curiosity, and I requested him to enter into a more copious138 explanation. With this request he readily complied; as conceiving that whatever delicacy it became him to exercise in ordinary cases, it would be out of place in my situation; and thinking it not improbable that Mr. Falkland, but for the disturbance139 and inflammation of his mind, would be disposed to a similar communication. I shall interweave with Mr. Collins’s story various information which I afterwards received from other quarters, that I may give all possible perspicuity140 to the series of events. To avoid confusion in my narrative, I shall drop the person of Collins, and assume to be myself the historian of our patron. To the reader it may appear at first sight as if this detail of the preceding life of Mr. Falkland were foreign to my history. Alas! I know from bitter experience that it is otherwise. My heart bleeds at the recollection of his misfortunes, as if they were my own. How can it fail to do so? To his story the whole fortune of my life was linked: because he was miserable141, my happiness, my name, and my existence have been irretrievably blasted.
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calamity
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| n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件 | |
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prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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inaccessible
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| adj.达不到的，难接近的 | |
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entreaties
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| n.恳求，乞求( entreaty的名词复数 ) | |
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persecution
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| n. 迫害,烦扰 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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execrated
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| v.憎恶( execrate的过去式和过去分词 )；厌恶；诅咒；咒骂 | |
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innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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pretensions
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| 自称( pretension的名词复数 )； 自命不凡； 要求； 权力 | |
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toils
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| 网 | |
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beset
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| v.镶嵌；困扰，包围 | |
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incited
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| 刺激，激励，煽动( incite的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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memoirs
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| n.回忆录；回忆录传( mem,自oir的名词复数) | |
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posterity
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| n.后裔，子孙，后代 | |
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consistency
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| n.一贯性，前后一致，稳定性；(液体的)浓度 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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progeny
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| n.后代，子孙；结果 | |
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rudiments
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| n.基础知识，入门 | |
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inquisitive
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| adj.求知欲强的，好奇的，好寻根究底的 | |
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stature
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| n.（高度）水平，（高度）境界，身高，身材 | |
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athletic
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| adj.擅长运动的，强健的；活跃的，体格健壮的 | |
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uncommon
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| adj.罕见的，非凡的，不平常的 | |
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uncommonly
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| adv. 稀罕(极，非常) | |
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joints
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| 接头( joint的名词复数 )； 关节； 公共场所（尤指价格低廉的饮食和娱乐场所） （非正式）； 一块烤肉 （英式英语） | |
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supple
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| adj.柔软的，易弯的，逢迎的，顺从的，灵活的；vt.使柔软，使柔顺，使顺从；vi.变柔软，变柔顺 | |
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dictates
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| n.命令，规定，要求( dictate的名词复数 )v.大声讲或读( dictate的第三人称单数 )；口授；支配；摆布 | |
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boisterous
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| adj.喧闹的，欢闹的 | |
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contrived
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| adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的 | |
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apparition
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| n.幽灵，神奇的现象 | |
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excellence
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| n.优秀，杰出，(pl.)优点，美德 | |
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meditations
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| 默想( meditation的名词复数 )； 默念； 沉思； 冥想 | |
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feats
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| 功绩，伟业，技艺( feat的名词复数 ) | |
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corporeal
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| adj.肉体的，身体的；物质的 | |
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ingenuity
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| n.别出心裁；善于发明创造 | |
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inured
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| adj.坚强的，习惯的 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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phenomena
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| n.现象 | |
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invincible
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| adj.不可征服的，难以制服的 | |
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attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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narrative
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| n.叙述，故事；adj.叙事的，故事体的 | |
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unravelling
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| 解开，拆散，散开( unravel的现在分词 )； 阐明； 澄清； 弄清楚 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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devoured
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| 吞没( devour的过去式和过去分词 )； 耗尽； 津津有味地看； 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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ignoble
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| adj.不光彩的，卑鄙的；可耻的 | |
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anecdotes
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| n.掌故，趣闻，轶事( anecdote的名词复数 ) | |
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dormant
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| adj.暂停活动的；休眠的；潜伏的 | |
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manor
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| n.庄园，领地 | |
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squire
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| n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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opulence
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| n.财富，富裕 | |
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favourable
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| adj.赞成的，称赞的，有利的，良好的，顺利的 | |
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steward
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| n.乘务员，服务员；看管人；膳食管理员 | |
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approbation
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| n.称赞；认可 | |
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awe
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| n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧 | |
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delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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inflexible
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| adj.不可改变的，不受影响的，不屈服的 | |
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sages
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| n.圣人( sage的名词复数 )；智者；哲人；鼠尾草（可用作调料） | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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attentive
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| adj.注意的，专心的；关心(别人)的，殷勤的 | |
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humane
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| adj.人道的，富有同情心的 | |
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animation
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| n.活泼，兴奋，卡通片／动画片的制作 | |
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bespoke
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| adj.（产品）订做的；专做订货的v.预定( bespeak的过去式 )；订（货）；证明；预先请求 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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disconsolateness
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| n.悲伤，阴暗 | |
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condescension
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| n.自以为高人一等，贬低(别人) | |
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graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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qualified
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| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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70
transcribing
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| （用不同的录音手段）转录( transcribe的现在分词 )； 改编（乐曲）（以适应他种乐器或声部）； 抄写； 用音标标出（声音） | |
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71
sketches
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| n.草图( sketch的名词复数 )；素描；速写；梗概 | |
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72
analytical
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| adj.分析的；用分析法的 | |
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73
conjectural
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| adj.推测的 | |
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74
speculations
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| n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 )；思考；投机活动；推断 | |
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75
speculation
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| n.思索，沉思；猜测；投机 | |
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76
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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77
glided
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| v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔 | |
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78
tranquillity
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| n. 平静, 安静 | |
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79
engrossed
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| adj.全神贯注的 | |
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80
intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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81
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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82
conjecture
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| n./v.推测，猜测 | |
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83
recluse
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| n.隐居者 | |
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84
solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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85
inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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86
compensate
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| vt.补偿，赔偿；酬报 vi.弥补；补偿；抵消 | |
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appellation
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| n.名称，称呼 | |
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88
forsake
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| vt.遗弃，抛弃；舍弃，放弃 | |
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moroseness
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90
compassionate
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| adj.有同情心的，表示同情的 | |
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91
demonstrations
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| 证明( demonstration的名词复数 )； 表明； 表达； 游行示威 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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afflicted
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| 使受痛苦，折磨( afflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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incessant
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| adj.不停的，连续的 | |
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95
peevish
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| adj.易怒的，坏脾气的 | |
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96
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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97
recurred
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| 再发生，复发( recur的过去式和过去分词 )； 治愈 | |
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98
frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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99
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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100
intrude
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| vi.闯入；侵入；打扰，侵扰 | |
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101
antiquity
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| n.古老；高龄；古物，古迹 | |
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102
interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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103
benevolence
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| n.慈悲，捐助 | |
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104
conjectures
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| 推测，猜想( conjecture的名词复数 ) | |
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105
veneration
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| n.尊敬，崇拜 | |
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106
groan
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| vi./n.呻吟，抱怨；(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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107
expressive
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| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
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108
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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109
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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110
instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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111
irresolute
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| adj.无决断的，优柔寡断的，踌躇不定的 | |
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112
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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113
repent
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| v.悔悟，悔改，忏悔，后悔 | |
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114
insolence
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| n.傲慢；无礼；厚颜；傲慢的态度 | |
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115
impunity
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| n.(惩罚、损失、伤害等的)免除 | |
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116
trample
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| vt.踩，践踏；无视，伤害，侵犯 | |
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117
soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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118
recollect
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| v.回忆，想起，记起，忆起，记得 | |
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119
secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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120
meditate
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| v.想，考虑，（尤指宗教上的）沉思，冥想 | |
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121
avocations
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| n.业余爱好，嗜好( avocation的名词复数 )；职业 | |
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122
enquired
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| 打听( enquire的过去式和过去分词 )； 询问； 问问题； 查问 | |
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123
evade
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| vt.逃避，回避；避开，躲避 | |
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124
pusillanimous
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| adj.懦弱的，胆怯的 | |
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125
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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126
destined
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| adj.命中注定的；(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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127
alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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128
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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129
levity
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| n.轻率，轻浮，不稳定，多变 | |
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130
hilarity
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| n.欢乐；热闹 | |
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131
diversified
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| adj.多样化的，多种经营的v.使多样化，多样化( diversify的过去式和过去分词 )；进入新的商业领域 | |
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132
distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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133
tarnished
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| （通常指金属）（使）失去光泽，（使）变灰暗( tarnish的过去式和过去分词 )； 玷污，败坏 | |
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134
withered
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| adj. 枯萎的，干瘪的，（人身体的部分器官）因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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135
fraught
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| adj.充满…的，伴有(危险等)的；忧虑的 | |
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136
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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137
inflame
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| v.使燃烧；使极度激动；使发炎 | |
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138
copious
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| adj.丰富的，大量的 | |
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139
disturbance
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| n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调 | |
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140
perspicuity
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| n.（文体的）明晰 | |
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141
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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