Here then was the termination of an immense series of labours, upon which no man could have looked back without astonishment1, or forward without a sentiment bordering on despair. It was at a price which defies estimation that I had purchased this resting-place; whether we consider the efforts it had cost me to escape from the walls of my prison, or the dangers and anxieties to which I had been a prey2, from that hour to the present.
But why do I call the point at which I was now arrived at a resting-place? Alas3, it was diametrically the reverse! It was my first and immediate4 business to review all the projects of disguise I had hitherto conceived, to derive5 every improvement I could invent from the practice to which I had been subjected, and to manufacture a veil of concealment6 more impenetrable than ever. This was an effort to which I could see no end. In ordinary cases the hue7 and cry after a supposed offender8 is a matter of temporary operation; but ordinary cases formed no standard for the colossal9 intelligence of Mr. Falkland. For the same reason, London, which appears an inexhaustible reservoir of concealment to the majority of mankind, brought no such consolatory10 sentiment to my mind. Whether life were worth accepting on such terms I cannot pronounce. I only know that I persisted in this exertion11 of my faculties12, through a sort of parental13 love that men are accustomed to entertain for their intellectual offspring; the more thought I had expended14 in rearing it to its present perfection, the less did I find myself disposed to abandon it. Another motive15, not less strenuously16 exciting me to perseverance17, was the ever-growing repugnance18 I felt to injustice19 and arbitrary power.
The first evening of my arrival in town I slept at an obscure inn in the borough20 of Southwark, choosing that side of the metropolis21, on account of its lying entirely22 wide of the part of England from which I came. I entered the inn in the evening in my countryman’s frock; and, having paid for my lodging23 before I went to bed, equipped myself next morning as differently as my wardrobe would allow, and left the house before day. The frock I made up into a small packet, and, having carried it to a distance as great as I thought necessary, I dropped it in the corner of an alley24 through which I passed. My next care was to furnish myself with another suit of apparel, totally different from any to which I had hitherto had recourse. The exterior25 which I was now induced to assume was that of a Jew. One of the gang of thieves upon —— forest, had been of that race; and by the talent of mimicry26, which I have already stated myself to possess, I could copy their pronunciation of the English language, sufficiently27 to answer such occasions as were likely to present themselves. One of the preliminaries I adopted, was to repair to a quarter of the town in which great numbers of this people reside, and study their complexion28 and countenance29. Having made such provision as my prudence30 suggested to me, I retired31 for that night to an inn in the midway between Mile-end and Wapping. Here I accoutred myself in ray new habiliments; and, having employed the same precautions as before, retired from my lodging at a time least exposed to observation. It is unnecessary to describe the particulars of my new equipage; suffice it to say, that one of my cares was to discolour my complexion, and give it the dun and sallow hue which is in most instances characteristic of the tribe to which I assumed to belong; and that when my metamorphosis was finished, I could not, upon the strictest examination, conceive that any one could have traced out the person of Caleb Williams in this new disguise.
Thus far advanced in the execution of my project. I deemed it advisable to procure32 a lodging, and change my late wandering life for a stationary33 one. In this lodging I constantly secluded34 myself from the rising to the setting of the sun; the periods I allowed for exercise and air were few, and those few by night. I was even cautious of so much as approaching the window of my apartment, though upon the attic35 story; a principle I laid down to myself was, not wantonly and unnecessarily to expose myself to risk, however slight that risk might appear.
Here let me pause for a moment, to bring before the reader, in the way in which it was impressed upon my mind, the nature of my situation. I was born free: I was born healthy, vigorous, and active, complete in all the lineaments and members of a human body. I was not born indeed to the possession of hereditary36 wealth; but I had a better inheritance, an enterprising mind, an inquisitive37 spirit, a liberal ambition. In a word, I accepted my lot with willingness and content; I did not fear but I should make my cause good in the lists of existence. I was satisfied to aim at small things; I was pleased to play at first for a slender stake; I was more willing to grow than to descend38 in my individual significance.
The free spirit and the firm heart with which I commenced, one circumstance was sufficient to blast. I was ignorant of the power which the institutions of society give to one man over others; I had fallen unwarily into the hands of a person who held it as his fondest wish to oppress and destroy me.
I found myself subjected, undeservedly on my part, to all the disadvantages which mankind, if they reflected upon them, would hesitate to impose on acknowledged guilt39. In every human countenance I feared to find the countenance of an enemy. I shrunk from the vigilance of every human eye. I dared not open my heart to the best affections of our nature. I was shut up, a deserted40, solitary41 wretch42, in the midst of my species. I dared not look for the consolations43 of friendship; but, instead of seeking to identify myself with the joys and sorrows of others, and exchanging the delicious gifts of confidence and sympathy, was compelled to centre my thoughts and my vigilance in myself. My life was all a lie. I had a counterfeit44 character to support. I had counterfeit manners to assume. My gait, my gestures, my accents, were all of them to be studied. I was not free to indulge, no not one, honest sally of the soul. Attended with these disadvantages, I was to procure myself a subsistence, a subsistence to be acquired with infinite precautions, and to be consumed without the hope of enjoyment46.
This, even this, I was determined47 to endure; to put my shoulder to the burthen, and support it with unshrinking firmness. Let it not however be supposed that I endured it without repining and abhorrence48. My time was divided between the terrors of an animal that skulks49 from its pursuers, the obstinacy50 of unshrinking firmness, and that elastic51 revulsion that from time to time seems to shrivel the very hearts of the miserable52. If at some moments I fiercely defied all the rigours of my fate, at others, and those of frequent recurrence53, I sunk into helpless despondence. I looked forward without hope through the series of my existence, tears of anguish54 rushed from my eyes, my courage became extinct, and I cursed the conscious life that was reproduced with every returning day.
“Why,” upon such occasions I was accustomed to exclaim, “why am I overwhelmed with the load of existence? Why are all these engines at work to torment55 me? I am no murderer; yet, if I were, what worse could I be fated to suffer? How vile56, squalid, and disgraceful is the state to which I am condemned57! This is not my place in the roll of existence, the place for which either my temper or my understanding has prepared me! To what purpose serve the restless aspirations58 of my soul, but to make me, like a frighted bird, beat myself in vain against the enclosure of my cage? Nature, barbarous nature! to me thou hast proved indeed the worst of step-mothers; endowed me with wishes insatiate, and sunk me in never-ending degradation59!”
I might have thought myself more secure if I had been in possession of money upon which to subsist45. The necessity of earning for myself the means of existence, evidently tended to thwart60 the plan of secrecy61 to which I was condemned. Whatever labour I adopted, or deemed myself qualified62 to discharge, it was first to be considered how I was to be provided with employment, and where I was to find an employer or purchaser for my commodities. In the mean time I had no alternative. The little money with which I had escaped from the blood-hunters was almost expended.
After the minutest consideration I was able to bestow63 upon this question. I determined that literature should be the field of my first experiment. I had read of money being acquired in this way, and of prices given by the speculators in this sort of ware64 to its proper manufacturers. My qualifications I esteemed65 at a slender valuation. I was not without a conviction that experience and practice must pave the way to excellent production. But, though of these I was utterly66 destitute67, my propensities68 had always led me in this direction; and my early thirst of knowledge had conducted me to a more intimate acquaintance with books, than could perhaps have been expected under my circumstances. If my literary pretensions69 were slight, the demand I intended to make upon them was not great. All I asked was a subsistence; and I was persuaded few persons could subsist upon slenderer means than myself. I also considered this as a temporary expedient70, and hoped that accident or time might hereafter place me in a less precarious71 situation. The reasons that principally determined my choice were, that this employment called upon me for the least preparation, and could, as I thought, be exercised with least observation.
There was a solitary woman, of middle age, who tenanted a chamber72 in this house, upon the same floor with my own. I had no sooner determined upon the destination of my industry than I cast my eye upon her as the possible instrument for disposing of my productions. Excluded as I was from all intercourse73 with my species in general, I found pleasure in the occasional exchange of a few words with this inoffensive and good-humoured creature, who was already of an age to preclude74 scandal. She lived upon a very small annuity75, allowed her by a distant relation, a woman of quality, who, possessed76 of thousands herself, had no other anxiety with respect to this person than that she should not contaminate her alliance by the exertion of honest industry. This humble77 creature was of a uniformly cheerful and active disposition78, unacquainted alike with the cares of wealth and the pressure of misfortune. Though her pretensions were small, and her information slender, she was by no means deficient79 in penetration80. She remarked the faults and follies81 of mankind with no contemptible82 discernment; but her temper was of so mild and forgiving a cast, as would have induced most persons to believe that she perceived nothing of the matter. Her heart overflowed83 with the milk of kindness. She was sincere and ardent84 in her attachments85, and never did she omit a service which she perceived herself able to render to a human being.
Had it not been for these qualifications of temper, I should probably have found that my appearance, that of a deserted, solitary lad, of Jewish extraction, effectually precluded86 my demands upon her kindness. But I speedily perceived, from her manner of receiving and returning civilities of an indifferent sort, that her heart was too noble to have its effusions checked by any base and unworthy considerations. Encouraged by these preliminaries, I determined to select her as my agent. I found her willing and alert in the business I proposed to her. That I might anticipate occasions of suspicion, I frankly87 told her that, for reasons which I wished to be excused from relating, but which, if related, I was sure would not deprive me of her good opinion, I found it necessary, for the present, to keep myself private. With this statement she readily acquiesced88, and told me that she had no desire for any further information than I found it expedient to give.
My first productions were of the poetical89 kind. After having finished two or three, I directed this generous creature to take them to the office of a newspaper; but they were rejected with contempt by the Aristarchus of that place, who, having bestowed90 on them a superficial glance, told her that such matters were not in his way. I cannot help mentioning in this place, that the countenance of Mrs. Marney (this was the name of my ambassadress) was in all cases a perfect indication of her success, and rendered explanation by words wholly unnecessary. She interested herself so unreservedly in what she undertook, that she felt either miscarriage91 or good fortune much more exquisitely92 than I did. I had an unhesitating confidence in my own resources, and, occupied as I was in meditations93 more interesting and more painful, I regarded these matters as altogether trivial.
I quietly took the pieces back, and laid them upon my table. Upon revisal, I altered and transcribed94 one of them, and, joining it with two others, despatched them together to the editor of a magazine. He desired they might be left with him till the day after tomorrow. When that day came he told my friend they should be inserted; but, Mrs. Marney asking respecting the price, he replied, it was their constant rule to give nothing for poetical compositions, the letter-box being always full of writings of that sort; but if the gentleman would try his hand in prose, a short essay or a tale, he would see what he could do for him.
With the requisition of my literary dictator I immediately complied. I attempted a paper in the style of Addison’s Spectators, which was accepted. In a short time I was upon an established footing in this quarter. I however distrusted my resources in the way of moral disquisition, and soon turned my thoughts to his other suggestion, a tale. His demands upon me were now frequent, and, to facilitate my labours, I bethought myself of the resource of translation. I had scarcely any convenience with respect to the procuring95 of books; but, as my memory was retentive96, I frequently translated or modelled my narrative97 upon a reading of some years before. By a fatality98, for which I did not exactly know how to account, my thoughts frequently led me to the histories of celebrated99 robbers; and I related, from time to time, incidents and anecdotes100 of Cartouche, Gusman d’Alfarache, and other memorable101 worthies102, whose career was terminated upon the gallows103 or the scaffold.
In the mean time a retrospect104 to my own situation rendered a perseverance even in this industry difficult to be maintained. I often threw down my pen in an ecstasy105 of despair. Sometimes for whole days together I was incapable106 of action, and sunk into a sort of partial stupor107, too wretched to be described. Youth and health however enabled me, from time to time, to get the better of my dejection, and to rouse myself to something like a gaiety, which, if it had been permanent, might have made this interval108 of my story tolerable to my reflections.
1 astonishment | |
n.惊奇,惊异 | |
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2 prey | |
n.被掠食者,牺牲者,掠食;v.捕食,掠夺,折磨 | |
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3 alas | |
int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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4 immediate | |
adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的 | |
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5 derive | |
v.取得;导出;引申;来自;源自;出自 | |
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6 concealment | |
n.隐藏, 掩盖,隐瞒 | |
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7 hue | |
n.色度;色调;样子 | |
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8 offender | |
n.冒犯者,违反者,犯罪者 | |
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9 colossal | |
adj.异常的,庞大的 | |
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10 consolatory | |
adj.慰问的,可藉慰的 | |
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11 exertion | |
n.尽力,努力 | |
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12 faculties | |
n.能力( faculty的名词复数 );全体教职员;技巧;院 | |
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13 parental | |
adj.父母的;父的;母的 | |
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14 expended | |
v.花费( expend的过去式和过去分词 );使用(钱等)做某事;用光;耗尽 | |
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15 motive | |
n.动机,目的;adv.发动的,运动的 | |
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16 strenuously | |
adv.奋发地,费力地 | |
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17 perseverance | |
n.坚持不懈,不屈不挠 | |
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18 repugnance | |
n.嫌恶 | |
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19 injustice | |
n.非正义,不公正,不公平,侵犯(别人的)权利 | |
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20 borough | |
n.享有自治权的市镇;(英)自治市镇 | |
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21 metropolis | |
n.首府;大城市 | |
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22 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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23 lodging | |
n.寄宿,住所;(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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24 alley | |
n.小巷,胡同;小径,小路 | |
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25 exterior | |
adj.外部的,外在的;表面的 | |
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26 mimicry | |
n.(生物)拟态,模仿 | |
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27 sufficiently | |
adv.足够地,充分地 | |
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28 complexion | |
n.肤色;情况,局面;气质,性格 | |
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29 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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30 prudence | |
n.谨慎,精明,节俭 | |
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31 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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32 procure | |
vt.获得,取得,促成;vi.拉皮条 | |
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33 stationary | |
adj.固定的,静止不动的 | |
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34 secluded | |
adj.与世隔绝的;隐退的;偏僻的v.使隔开,使隐退( seclude的过去式和过去分词) | |
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35 attic | |
n.顶楼,屋顶室 | |
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36 hereditary | |
adj.遗传的,遗传性的,可继承的,世袭的 | |
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37 inquisitive | |
adj.求知欲强的,好奇的,好寻根究底的 | |
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38 descend | |
vt./vi.传下来,下来,下降 | |
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39 guilt | |
n.犯罪;内疚;过失,罪责 | |
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40 deserted | |
adj.荒芜的,荒废的,无人的,被遗弃的 | |
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41 solitary | |
adj.孤独的,独立的,荒凉的;n.隐士 | |
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42 wretch | |
n.可怜的人,不幸的人;卑鄙的人 | |
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43 consolations | |
n.安慰,慰问( consolation的名词复数 );起安慰作用的人(或事物) | |
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44 counterfeit | |
vt.伪造,仿造;adj.伪造的,假冒的 | |
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45 subsist | |
vi.生存,存在,供养 | |
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46 enjoyment | |
n.乐趣;享有;享用 | |
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47 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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48 abhorrence | |
n.憎恶;可憎恶的事 | |
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49 skulks | |
v.潜伏,偷偷摸摸地走动,鬼鬼祟祟地活动( skulk的第三人称单数 ) | |
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50 obstinacy | |
n.顽固;(病痛等)难治 | |
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51 elastic | |
n.橡皮圈,松紧带;adj.有弹性的;灵活的 | |
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52 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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53 recurrence | |
n.复发,反复,重现 | |
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54 anguish | |
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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55 torment | |
n.折磨;令人痛苦的东西(人);vt.折磨;纠缠 | |
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56 vile | |
adj.卑鄙的,可耻的,邪恶的;坏透的 | |
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57 condemned | |
adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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58 aspirations | |
强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 ); 志向; 发送气音; 发 h 音 | |
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59 degradation | |
n.降级;低落;退化;陵削;降解;衰变 | |
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60 thwart | |
v.阻挠,妨碍,反对;adj.横(断的) | |
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61 secrecy | |
n.秘密,保密,隐蔽 | |
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62 qualified | |
adj.合格的,有资格的,胜任的,有限制的 | |
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63 bestow | |
v.把…赠与,把…授予;花费 | |
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64 ware | |
n.(常用复数)商品,货物 | |
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65 esteemed | |
adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 );敬重;认为;以为 | |
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66 utterly | |
adv.完全地,绝对地 | |
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67 destitute | |
adj.缺乏的;穷困的 | |
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68 propensities | |
n.倾向,习性( propensity的名词复数 ) | |
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69 pretensions | |
自称( pretension的名词复数 ); 自命不凡; 要求; 权力 | |
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70 expedient | |
adj.有用的,有利的;n.紧急的办法,权宜之计 | |
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71 precarious | |
adj.不安定的,靠不住的;根据不足的 | |
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72 chamber | |
n.房间,寝室;会议厅;议院;会所 | |
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73 intercourse | |
n.性交;交流,交往,交际 | |
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74 preclude | |
vt.阻止,排除,防止;妨碍 | |
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75 annuity | |
n.年金;养老金 | |
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76 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
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77 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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78 disposition | |
n.性情,性格;意向,倾向;排列,部署 | |
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79 deficient | |
adj.不足的,不充份的,有缺陷的 | |
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80 penetration | |
n.穿透,穿人,渗透 | |
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81 follies | |
罪恶,时事讽刺剧; 愚蠢,蠢笨,愚蠢的行为、思想或做法( folly的名词复数 ) | |
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82 contemptible | |
adj.可鄙的,可轻视的,卑劣的 | |
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83 overflowed | |
溢出的 | |
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84 ardent | |
adj.热情的,热烈的,强烈的,烈性的 | |
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85 attachments | |
n.(用电子邮件发送的)附件( attachment的名词复数 );附着;连接;附属物 | |
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86 precluded | |
v.阻止( preclude的过去式和过去分词 );排除;妨碍;使…行不通 | |
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87 frankly | |
adv.坦白地,直率地;坦率地说 | |
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88 acquiesced | |
v.默认,默许( acquiesce的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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89 poetical | |
adj.似诗人的;诗一般的;韵文的;富有诗意的 | |
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90 bestowed | |
赠给,授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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91 miscarriage | |
n.失败,未达到预期的结果;流产 | |
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92 exquisitely | |
adv.精致地;强烈地;剧烈地;异常地 | |
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93 meditations | |
默想( meditation的名词复数 ); 默念; 沉思; 冥想 | |
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94 transcribed | |
(用不同的录音手段)转录( transcribe的过去式和过去分词 ); 改编(乐曲)(以适应他种乐器或声部); 抄写; 用音标标出(声音) | |
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95 procuring | |
v.(努力)取得, (设法)获得( procure的现在分词 );拉皮条 | |
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96 retentive | |
v.保留的,有记忆的;adv.有记性地,记性强地;n.保持力 | |
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97 narrative | |
n.叙述,故事;adj.叙事的,故事体的 | |
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98 fatality | |
n.不幸,灾祸,天命 | |
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99 celebrated | |
adj.有名的,声誉卓著的 | |
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100 anecdotes | |
n.掌故,趣闻,轶事( anecdote的名词复数 ) | |
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101 memorable | |
adj.值得回忆的,难忘的,特别的,显著的 | |
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102 worthies | |
应得某事物( worthy的名词复数 ); 值得做某事; 可尊敬的; 有(某人或事物)的典型特征 | |
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103 gallows | |
n.绞刑架,绞台 | |
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104 retrospect | |
n.回顾,追溯;v.回顾,回想,追溯 | |
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105 ecstasy | |
n.狂喜,心醉神怡,入迷 | |
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106 incapable | |
adj.无能力的,不能做某事的 | |
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107 stupor | |
v.昏迷;不省人事 | |
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108 interval | |
n.间隔,间距;幕间休息,中场休息 | |
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