It is as I foreboded. The presage1 with which I was visited was prophetic. I am now to record a new and terrible revolution of my fortune and my mind.
Having made experiment of various situations with one uniform result, I at length determined2 to remove myself, if possible, from the reach of my persecutor3, by going into voluntary banishment4 from my native soil. This was my last resource for tranquillity5, for honest fame, for those privileges to which human life is indebted for the whole of its value. “In some distant climate,” said I, “surely I may find that security which is necessary to persevering6 pursuit; surely I may lift my head erect7, associate with men upon the footing of a man, acquire connections, and preserve them!” It is inconceivable with what ardent8 Teachings of the soul I aspired9 to this termination.
This last consolation10 was denied me by the inexorable Falkland.
At the time the project was formed I was at no great distance from the east coast of the island, and I resolved to take ship at Harwich, and pass immediately into Holland. I accordingly repaired to that place, and went, almost as soon as I arrived, to the port. But there was no vessel11 perfectly12 ready to sail. I left the port, and withdrew to an inn, where, after some time, I retired13 to a chamber14. I was scarcely there before the door of the room was opened, and the man whose countenance15 was the most hateful to my eyes, Gines, entered the apartment. He shut the door as soon as he entered.
“Youngster,” said he, “I have a little private intelligence to communicate to you. I come as a friend, and that I may save you a labour-invain trouble. If you consider what I have to say in that light, it will be the better for you. It is my business now, do you see, for want of a better, to see that you do not break out of bounds. Not that I much matter having one man for my employer, or dancing attendance after another’s heels; but I have special kindness for you, for some good turns that you wot of, and therefore I do not stand upon ceremonies! You have led me a very pretty round already; and, out of the love I bear you, you shall lead me as much further, if you will. But beware the salt seas! They are out of my orders. You are a prisoner at present, and I believe all your life will remain so. Thanks to the milk-and-water softness of your former master! If I had the ordering of these things, it should go with you in another fashion. As long as you think proper, you are a prisoner within the rules; and the rules with which the soft-hearted squire16 indulges you, are all England, Scotland, and Wales. But you are not to go out of these climates. The squire is determined you shall never pass the reach of his disposal. He has therefore given orders that, whenever you attempt so to do, you shall be converted from a prisoner at large to a prisoner in good earnest. A friend of mine followed you just now to the harbour; I was within call; and, if there had been any appearance of your setting your foot from land, we should have been with you in a trice, and laid you fast by the heels. I would advise you, for the future, to keep at a proper distance from the sea, for fear of the worst. You see I tell you all this for your good. For my part, I should be better satisfied if you were in limbo17, with a rope about your neck, and a comfortable bird’s eye prospect18 to the gallows19: but I do as I am directed; and so good night to you!”
The intelligence thus conveyed to me occasioned an instantaneous revolution in both my intellectual and animal system. I disdained20 to answer, or take the smallest notice of the fiend by whom it was delivered. It is now three days since I received it, and from that moment to the present my blood has been in a perpetual ferment21. My thoughts wander from one idea of horror to another, with incredible rapidity. I have had no sleep. I have scarcely remained in one posture22 for a minute together. It has been with the utmost difficulty that I have been able to command myself far enough to add a few pages to my story. But, uncertain as I am of the events of each succeeding hour, I determined to force myself to the performance of this task. All is not right within me. How it will terminate, God knows. I sometimes fear that I shall be wholly deserted23 of my reason.
What — dark, mysterious, unfeeling, unrelenting tyrant24!— is it come to this? When Nero and Caligula swayed the Roman sceptre, it was a fearful thing to offend these bloody25 rulers. The empire had already spread itself from climate to climate, and from sea to sea. If their unhappy victim fled to the rising of the sun, where the luminary26 of day seems to us first to ascend27 from the waves of the ocean, the power of the tyrant was still behind him. If he withdrew to the west, to Hesperian darkness, and the shores of barbarian28 Thule, still he was not safe from his gore-drenched foe29.— Falkland! art thou the offspring, in whom the lineaments of these tyrants30 are faithfully preserved? Was the world, with all its climates, made in vain for thy helpless unoffending victim?
Tremble!
Tyrants have trembled, surrounded with whole armies of their Janissaries! What should make thee inaccessible32 to my fury? No, I will use no daggers33! I will unfold a tale!— I will show thee to the world for what thou art; and all the men that live, shall confess my truth!— Didst thou imagine that I was altogether passive, a mere34 worm, organised to feel sensations of pain, but no emotion of resentment35? Didst thou imagine that there was no danger in inflicting36 on me pains however great, miseries37 however dreadful? Didst thou believe me impotent, imbecile, and idiot-like, with no understanding to contrive38 thy ruin, and no energy to perpetrate it?
I will tell a tale —! The justice of the country shall hear me! The elements of nature in universal uproar39 shall not interrupt me! I will speak with a voice more fearful than thunder!— Why should I be supposed to speak from any dishonourable motive40? I am under no prosecution41 now! I shall not now appear to be endeavouring to remove a criminal indictment42 from myself, by throwing it back on its author!— Shall I regret the ruin that will overwhelm thee? Too long have I been tender-hearted and forbearing! What benefit has ever resulted from my mistaken clemency43? There is no evil thou hast scrupled44 to accumulate upon me! Neither will I be more scrupulous45! Thou hast shown no mercy; and thou shalt receive none!— I must be calm! bold as a lion, yet collected!
This is a moment pregnant with fate. I know — I think I know — that I will be triumphant46, and crush my seemingly omnipotent47 foe. But, should it be otherwise, at least he shall not be every way successful. His fame shall not be immortal48 as he thinks. These papers shall preserve the truth; they shall one day be published, and then the world shall do justice on us both. Recollecting49 that, I shall not die wholly without consolation. It is not to be endured that falsehood and tyranny should reign50 for ever.
How impotent are the precautions of man against the eternally existing laws of the intellectual world! This Falkland has invented against me every species of foul51 accusation52. He has hunted me from city to city. He has drawn53 his lines of circumvallation round me that I may not escape. He has kept his scenters of human prey54 for ever at my heels. He may hunt me out of the world.— In vain! With this engine, this little pen, I defeat all his machinations; I stab him in the very point he was most solicitous55 to defend!
Collins! I now address myself to you. I have consented that you should yield me no assistance in my present terrible situation. I am content to die rather than do any thing injurious to your tranquillity. But remember, you are my father still! I conjure56 you, by all the love you ever bore me, by the benefits you have conferred on me, by the forbearance and kindness towards you that now penetrates57 my soul, by my innocence58 — for, if these be the last words I shall ever write, I die protesting my innocence!— by all these, or whatever tie more sacred has influence on your soul, I conjure you, listen to my last request! Preserve these papers from destruction, and preserve them from Falkland! It is all I ask! I have taken care to provide a safe mode of conveying them into your possession: and I have a firm confidence, which I will not suffer to depart from me, that they will one day find their way to the public!
The pen lingers in my trembling fingers! Is there any thing I have left unsaid?— The contents of the fatal trunk, from which all my misfortunes originated, I have never been able to ascertain59. I once thought it contained some murderous instrument or relic60 connected with the fate of the unhappy Tyrrel. I am now persuaded that the secret it encloses, is a faithful narrative61 of that and its concomitant transactions, written by Mr. Falkland, and reserved in case of the worst, that, if by any unforeseen event his guilt62 should come to be fully31 disclosed, it might contribute to redeem63 the wreck64 of his reputation. But the truth or the falsehood of this conjecture65 is of little moment. If Falkland shall never be detected to the satisfaction of the world, such a narrative will probably never see the light. In that case this story of mine may amply, severely66 perhaps, supply its place.
I know not what it is that renders me thus solemn. I have a secret foreboding, as if I should never again be master of myself. If I succeed in what I now meditate67 respecting Falkland, my precaution in the disposal of these papers will have been unnecessary; I shall no longer be reduced to artifice68 and evasion69. If I fail, the precaution will appear to have been wisely chosen.
1 presage | |
n.预感,不祥感;v.预示 | |
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2 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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3 persecutor | |
n. 迫害者 | |
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4 banishment | |
n.放逐,驱逐 | |
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5 tranquillity | |
n. 平静, 安静 | |
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6 persevering | |
a.坚忍不拔的 | |
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7 erect | |
n./v.树立,建立,使竖立;adj.直立的,垂直的 | |
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8 ardent | |
adj.热情的,热烈的,强烈的,烈性的 | |
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9 aspired | |
v.渴望,追求( aspire的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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10 consolation | |
n.安慰,慰问 | |
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11 vessel | |
n.船舶;容器,器皿;管,导管,血管 | |
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12 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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13 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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14 chamber | |
n.房间,寝室;会议厅;议院;会所 | |
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15 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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16 squire | |
n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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17 limbo | |
n.地狱的边缘;监狱 | |
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18 prospect | |
n.前景,前途;景色,视野 | |
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19 gallows | |
n.绞刑架,绞台 | |
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20 disdained | |
鄙视( disdain的过去式和过去分词 ); 不屑于做,不愿意做 | |
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21 ferment | |
vt.使发酵;n./vt.(使)激动,(使)动乱 | |
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22 posture | |
n.姿势,姿态,心态,态度;v.作出某种姿势 | |
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23 deserted | |
adj.荒芜的,荒废的,无人的,被遗弃的 | |
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24 tyrant | |
n.暴君,专制的君主,残暴的人 | |
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25 bloody | |
adj.非常的的;流血的;残忍的;adv.很;vt.血染 | |
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26 luminary | |
n.名人,天体 | |
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27 ascend | |
vi.渐渐上升,升高;vt.攀登,登上 | |
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28 barbarian | |
n.野蛮人;adj.野蛮(人)的;未开化的 | |
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29 foe | |
n.敌人,仇敌 | |
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30 tyrants | |
专制统治者( tyrant的名词复数 ); 暴君似的人; (古希腊的)僭主; 严酷的事物 | |
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31 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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32 inaccessible | |
adj.达不到的,难接近的 | |
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33 daggers | |
匕首,短剑( dagger的名词复数 ) | |
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34 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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35 resentment | |
n.怨愤,忿恨 | |
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36 inflicting | |
把…强加给,使承受,遭受( inflict的现在分词 ) | |
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37 miseries | |
n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 );痛苦的事;穷困;常发牢骚的人 | |
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38 contrive | |
vt.谋划,策划;设法做到;设计,想出 | |
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39 uproar | |
n.骚动,喧嚣,鼎沸 | |
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40 motive | |
n.动机,目的;adv.发动的,运动的 | |
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41 prosecution | |
n.起诉,告发,检举,执行,经营 | |
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42 indictment | |
n.起诉;诉状 | |
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43 clemency | |
n.温和,仁慈,宽厚 | |
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44 scrupled | |
v.感到于心不安,有顾忌( scruple的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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45 scrupulous | |
adj.审慎的,小心翼翼的,完全的,纯粹的 | |
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46 triumphant | |
adj.胜利的,成功的;狂欢的,喜悦的 | |
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47 omnipotent | |
adj.全能的,万能的 | |
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48 immortal | |
adj.不朽的;永生的,不死的;神的 | |
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49 recollecting | |
v.记起,想起( recollect的现在分词 ) | |
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50 reign | |
n.统治时期,统治,支配,盛行;v.占优势 | |
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51 foul | |
adj.污秽的;邪恶的;v.弄脏;妨害;犯规;n.犯规 | |
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52 accusation | |
n.控告,指责,谴责 | |
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53 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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54 prey | |
n.被掠食者,牺牲者,掠食;v.捕食,掠夺,折磨 | |
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55 solicitous | |
adj.热切的,挂念的 | |
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56 conjure | |
v.恳求,祈求;变魔术,变戏法 | |
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57 penetrates | |
v.穿过( penetrate的第三人称单数 );刺入;了解;渗透 | |
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58 innocence | |
n.无罪;天真;无害 | |
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59 ascertain | |
vt.发现,确定,查明,弄清 | |
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60 relic | |
n.神圣的遗物,遗迹,纪念物 | |
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61 narrative | |
n.叙述,故事;adj.叙事的,故事体的 | |
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62 guilt | |
n.犯罪;内疚;过失,罪责 | |
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63 redeem | |
v.买回,赎回,挽回,恢复,履行(诺言等) | |
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64 wreck | |
n.失事,遇难;沉船;vt.(船等)失事,遇难 | |
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65 conjecture | |
n./v.推测,猜测 | |
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66 severely | |
adv.严格地;严厉地;非常恶劣地 | |
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67 meditate | |
v.想,考虑,(尤指宗教上的)沉思,冥想 | |
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68 artifice | |
n.妙计,高明的手段;狡诈,诡计 | |
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69 evasion | |
n.逃避,偷漏(税) | |
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