Ich fuhle Dich mir nahe;
Die Einsamkeit belebt;
Wie uber seinen Welten
Der Unsichtbare schwebt.
Uhland.
(I feel thee near to me,
The loneliness takes life,— As over its world
From this state of restlessness and agitation2 rather than continuous action, Glyndon was aroused by a visitor who seemed to exercise the most salutary influence over him. His sister, an orphan3 with himself, had resided in the country with her aunt. In the early years of hope and home he had loved this girl, much younger than himself, with all a brother’s tenderness. On his return to England, he had seemed to forget her existence. She recalled herself to him on her aunt’s death by a touching4 and melancholy5 letter: she had now no home but his,— no dependence6 save on his affection; he wept when he read it, and was impatient till Adela arrived.
This girl, then about eighteen, concerned beneath a gentle and calm exterior7 much of the romance or enthusiasm that had, at her own age, characterised her brother. But her enthusiasm was of a far purer order, and was restrained within proper bounds, partly by the sweetness of a very feminine nature, and partly by a strict and methodical education. She differed from him especially in a timidity of character which exceeded that usual at her age, but which the habit of self-command concealed8 no less carefully than that timidity itself concealed the romance I have ascribed to her.
Adela was not handsome: she had the complexion11 and the form of delicate health; and too fine an organisation12 of the nerves rendered her susceptible13 to every impression that could influence the health of the frame through the sympathy of the mind. But as she never complained, and as the singular serenity14 of her manners seemed to betoken15 an equanimity16 of temperament17 which, with the vulgar, might have passed for indifference18, her sufferings had so long been borne unnoticed that it ceased to be an effort to disguise them. Though, as I have said, not handsome, her countenance19 was interesting and pleasing; and there was that caressing20 kindness, that winning charm about her smile, her manners, her anxiety to please, to comfort, and to soothe21 which went at once to the heart, and made her lovely,— because so loving.
Such was the sister whom Glyndon had so long neglected, and whom he now so cordially welcomed. Adela had passed many years a victim to the caprices, and a nurse to the maladies, of a selfish and exacting22 relation. The delicate and generous and respectful affection of her brother was no less new to her than delightful23. He took pleasure in the happiness he created; he gradually weaned himself from other society; he felt the charm of home. It is not surprising, then, that this young creature, free and virgin24 from every more ardent25 attachment26, concentrated all her grateful love on this cherished and protecting relative. Her study by day, her dream by night, was to repay him for his affection. She was proud of his talents, devoted27 to his welfare; the smallest trifle that could interest him swelled28 in her eyes to the gravest affairs of life. In short, all the long-hoarded enthusiasm, which was her perilous29 and only heritage, she invested in this one object of her holy tenderness, her pure ambition.
But in proportion as Glyndon shunned30 those excitements by which he had so long sought to occupy his time or distract his thoughts, the gloom of his calmer hours became deeper and more continuous. He ever and especially dreaded31 to be alone; he could not bear his new companion to be absent from his eyes: he rode with her, walked with her, and it was with visible reluctance33, which almost partook of horror, that he retired34 to rest at an hour when even revel35 grows fatigued36. This gloom was not that which could be called by the soft name of melancholy,— it was far more intense; it seemed rather like despair. Often after a silence as of death — so heavy, abstracted, motionless, did it appear — he would start abruptly37, and cast hurried glances around him,— his limbs trembling, his lips livid, his brows bathed in dew. Convinced that some secret sorrow preyed38 upon his mind, and would consume his health, it was the dearest as the most natural desire of Adela to become his confidant and consoler. She observed, with the quick tact39 of the delicate, that he disliked her to seem affected40 by, or even sensible of, his darker moods. She schooled herself to suppress her fears and her feelings. She would not ask his confidence,— she sought to steal into it. By little and little she felt that she was succeeding. Too wrapped in his own strange existence to be acutely observant of the character of others, Glyndon mistook the self-content of a generous and humble41 affection for constitutional fortitude42; and this quality pleased and soothed43 him. It is fortitude that the diseased mind requires in the confidant whom it selects as its physician. And how irresistible44 is that desire to communicate! How often the lonely man thought to himself, “My heart would be lightened of its misery45, if once confessed!” He felt, too, that in the very youth, the inexperience, the poetical46 temperament of Adela, he could find one who would comprehend and bear with him better than any sterner and more practical nature. Mervale would have looked on his revelations as the ravings of madness, and most men, at best, as the sicklied chimeras47, the optical delusions48, of disease. Thus gradually preparing himself for that relief for which he yearned50, the moment for his disclosure arrived thus:—
One evening, as they sat alone together, Adela, who inherited some portion of her brother’s talent in art, was employed in drawing, and Glyndon, rousing himself from meditations51 less gloomy than usual, rose, and affectionately passing his arm round her waist, looked over her as she sat. An exclamation52 of dismay broke from his lips,— he snatched the drawing from her hand: “What are you about?— what portrait is this?”
“Dear Clarence, do you not remember the original?— it is a copy from that portrait of our wise ancestor which our poor mother used to say so strongly resembled you. I thought it would please you if I copied it from memory.”
“Accursed was the likeness53!” said Glyndon, gloomily. “Guess you not the reason why I have shunned to return to the home of my fathers!— because I dreaded to meet that portrait!— because — because — but pardon me; I alarm you!”
“Ah, no,— no, Clarence, you never alarm me when you speak: only when you are silent! Oh, if you thought me worthy54 of your trust; oh, if you had given me the right to reason with you in the sorrows that I yearn49 to share!”
Glyndon made no answer, but paced the room for some moments with disordered strides. He stopped at last, and gazed at her earnestly. “Yes, you, too, are his descendant; you know that such men have lived and suffered; you will not mock me,— you will not disbelieve! Listen! hark!— what sound is that?”
“But the wind on the house-top, Clarence,— but the wind.”
“Give me your hand; let me feel its living clasp; and when I have told you, never revert55 to the tale again. Conceal9 it from all: swear that it shall die with us,— the last of our predestined race!”
“Never will I betray your trust; I swear it,— never!” said Adela, firmly; and she drew closer to his side. Then Glyndon commenced his story. That which, perhaps, in writing, and to minds prepared to question and disbelieve, may seem cold and terrorless, became far different when told by those blanched56 lips, with all that truth of suffering which convinces and appalls57. Much, indeed, he concealed, much he involuntarily softened58; but he revealed enough to make his tale intelligible59 and distinct to his pale and trembling listener. “At daybreak,” he said, “I left that unhallowed and abhorred60 abode61. I had one hope still,— I would seek Mejnour through the world. I would force him to lay at rest the fiend that haunted my soul. With this intent I journeyed from city to city. I instituted the most vigilant62 researches through the police of Italy. I even employed the services of the Inquisition at Rome, which had lately asserted its ancient powers in the trial of the less dangerous Cagliostro. All was in vain; not a trace of him could be discovered. I was not alone, Adela.” Here Glyndon paused a moment, as if embarrassed; for in his recital63, I need scarcely say that he had only indistinctly alluded64 to Fillide, whom the reader may surmise65 to be his companion. “I was not alone, but the associate of my wanderings was not one in whom my soul could confide,— faithful and affectionate, but without education, without faculties66 to comprehend me, with natural instincts rather than cultivated reason; one in whom the heart might lean in its careless hours, but with whom the mind could have no commune, in whom the bewildered spirit could seek no guide. Yet in the society of this person the demon67 troubled me not. Let me explain yet more fully10 the dread32 conditions of its presence. In coarse excitement, in commonplace life, in the wild riot, in the fierce excess, in the torpid68 lethargy of that animal existence which we share with the brutes69, its eyes were invisible, its whisper was unheard. But whenever the soul would aspire70, whenever the imagination kindled71 to the loftier ends, whenever the consciousness of our proper destiny struggled against the unworthy life I pursued, then, Adela — then, it cowered72 by my side in the light of noon, or sat by my bed,— a Darkness visible through the Dark. If, in the galleries of Divine Art, the dreams of my youth woke the early emulation,— if I turned to the thoughts of sages74; if the example of the great, if the converse75 of the wise, aroused the silenced intellect, the demon was with me as by a spell. At last, one evening, at Genoa, to which city I had travelled in pursuit of the mystic, suddenly, and when least expected, he appeared before me. It was the time of the Carnival76. It was in one of those half-frantic scenes of noise and revel, call it not gayety, which establish a heathen saturnalia in the midst of a Christian77 festival. Wearied with the dance, I had entered a room in which several revellers were seated, drinking, singing, shouting; and in their fantastic dresses and hideous78 masks, their orgy seemed scarcely human. I placed myself amongst them, and in that fearful excitement of the spirits which the happy never know, I was soon the most riotous79 of all. The conversation fell on the Revolution of France, which had always possessed80 for me an absorbing fascination81. The masks spoke82 of the millennium83 it was to bring on earth, not as philosophers rejoicing in the advent84 of light, but as ruffians exulting85 in the annihilation of law. I know not why it was, but their licentious86 language infected myself; and, always desirous to be foremost in every circle, I soon exceeded even these rioters in declamations on the nature of the liberty which was about to embrace all the families of the globe,— a liberty that should pervade87 not only public legislation, but domestic life; an emancipation88 from every fetter89 that men had forged for themselves. In the midst of this tirade90 one of the masks whispered me,—
“‘Take care. One listens to you who seems to be a spy!’
“My eyes followed those of the mask, and I observed a man who took no part in the conversation, but whose gaze was bent91 upon me. He was disguised like the rest, yet I found by a general whisper that none had observed him enter. His silence, his attention, had alarmed the fears of the other revellers,— they only excited me the more. Rapt in my subject, I pursued it, insensible to the signs of those about me; and, addressing myself only to the silent mask who sat alone, apart from the group, I did not even observe that, one by one, the revellers slunk off, and that I and the silent listener were left alone, until, pausing from my heated and impetuous declamations, I said,—
“‘And you, signor,— what is your view of this mighty92 era? Opinion without persecution93; brotherhood94 without jealousy95; love without bondage96 —’
“‘And life without God,’ added the mask as I hesitated for new images.
“The sound of that well-known voice changed the current of my thought. I sprang forward, and cried,—
“‘Imposter or Fiend, we meet at last!’
“The figure rose as I advanced, and, unmasking, showed the features of Mejnour. His fixed97 eye, his majestic98 aspect, awed99 and repelled100 me. I stood rooted to the ground.
“‘Yes,’ he said solemnly, ‘we meet, and it is this meeting that I have sought. How hast thou followed my admonitions! Are these the scenes in which the Aspirant101 for the Serene102 Science thinks to escape the Ghastly Enemy? Do the thoughts thou hast uttered — thoughts that would strike all order from the universe — express the hopes of the sage73 who would rise to the Harmony of the Eternal Spheres?’
“‘It is thy fault,— it is thine!’ I exclaimed. ‘Exorcise the phantom103! Take the haunting terror from my soul!’
“Mejnour looked at me a moment with a cold and cynical104 disdain105 which provoked at once my fear and rage, and replied,—
“‘No; fool of thine own senses! No; thou must have full and entire experience of the illusions to which the Knowledge that is without Faith climbs its Titan way. Thou pantest for this Millennium,— thou shalt behold106 it! Thou shalt be one of the agents of the era of Light and Reason. I see, while I speak, the Phantom thou fliest, by thy side; it marshals thy path; it has power over thee as yet,— a power that defies my own. In the last days of that Revolution which thou hailest, amidst the wrecks107 of the Order thou cursest as Oppression, seek the fulfilment of thy destiny, and await thy cure.’
“At that instant a troop of masks, clamorous108, intoxicated109, reeling, and rushing, as they reeled, poured into the room, and separated me from the mystic. I broke through them, and sought him everywhere, but in vain. All my researches the next day were equally fruitless. Weeks were consumed in the same pursuit,— not a trace of Mejnour could be discovered. Wearied with false pleasures, roused by reproaches I had deserved, recoiling110 from Mejnour’s prophecy of the scene in which I was to seek deliverance, it occurred to me, at last, that in the sober air of my native country, and amidst its orderly and vigorous pursuits, I might work out my own emancipation from the spectre. I left all whom I had before courted and clung to,— I came hither. Amidst mercenary schemes and selfish speculations111, I found the same relief as in debauch112 and excess. The Phantom was invisible; but these pursuits soon became to me distasteful as the rest. Ever and ever I felt that I was born for something nobler than the greed of gain,— that life may be made equally worthless, and the soul equally degraded by the icy lust113 of avarice114, as by the noisier passions. A higher ambition never ceased to torment115 me. But, but,” continued Glyndon, with a whitening lip and a visible shudder116, “at every attempt to rise into loftier existence, came that hideous form. It gloomed beside me at the easel. Before the volumes of poet and sage it stood with its burning eyes in the stillness of night, and I thought I heard its horrible whispers uttering temptations never to be divulged117.” He paused, and the drops stood upon his brow.
“But I,” said Adela, mastering her fears and throwing her arms around him,—“but I henceforth will have no life but in thine. And in this love so pure, so holy, thy terror shall fade away.”
“No, no!” exclaimed Glyndon, starting from her. “The worst revelation is to come. Since thou hast been here, since I have sternly and resolutely118 refrained from every haunt, every scene in which this preternatural enemy troubled me not, I— I— have — Oh, Heaven! Mercy — mercy! There it stands,— there, by thy side,— there, there!” And he fell to the ground insensible.
1 hovers | |
鸟( hover的第三人称单数 ); 靠近(某事物); (人)徘徊; 犹豫 | |
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2 agitation | |
n.搅动;搅拌;鼓动,煽动 | |
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3 orphan | |
n.孤儿;adj.无父母的 | |
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4 touching | |
adj.动人的,使人感伤的 | |
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5 melancholy | |
n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的 | |
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6 dependence | |
n.依靠,依赖;信任,信赖;隶属 | |
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7 exterior | |
adj.外部的,外在的;表面的 | |
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8 concealed | |
a.隐藏的,隐蔽的 | |
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9 conceal | |
v.隐藏,隐瞒,隐蔽 | |
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10 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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11 complexion | |
n.肤色;情况,局面;气质,性格 | |
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12 organisation | |
n.组织,安排,团体,有机休 | |
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13 susceptible | |
adj.过敏的,敏感的;易动感情的,易受感动的 | |
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14 serenity | |
n.宁静,沉着,晴朗 | |
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15 betoken | |
v.预示 | |
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16 equanimity | |
n.沉着,镇定 | |
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17 temperament | |
n.气质,性格,性情 | |
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18 indifference | |
n.不感兴趣,不关心,冷淡,不在乎 | |
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19 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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20 caressing | |
爱抚的,表现爱情的,亲切的 | |
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21 soothe | |
v.安慰;使平静;使减轻;缓和;奉承 | |
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22 exacting | |
adj.苛求的,要求严格的 | |
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23 delightful | |
adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的 | |
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24 virgin | |
n.处女,未婚女子;adj.未经使用的;未经开发的 | |
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25 ardent | |
adj.热情的,热烈的,强烈的,烈性的 | |
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26 attachment | |
n.附属物,附件;依恋;依附 | |
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27 devoted | |
adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的 | |
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28 swelled | |
增强( swell的过去式和过去分词 ); 肿胀; (使)凸出; 充满(激情) | |
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29 perilous | |
adj.危险的,冒险的 | |
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30 shunned | |
v.避开,回避,避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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31 dreaded | |
adj.令人畏惧的;害怕的v.害怕,恐惧,担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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32 dread | |
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧 | |
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33 reluctance | |
n.厌恶,讨厌,勉强,不情愿 | |
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34 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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35 revel | |
vi.狂欢作乐,陶醉;n.作乐,狂欢 | |
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36 fatigued | |
adj. 疲乏的 | |
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37 abruptly | |
adv.突然地,出其不意地 | |
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38 preyed | |
v.掠食( prey的过去式和过去分词 );掠食;折磨;(人)靠欺诈为生 | |
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39 tact | |
n.机敏,圆滑,得体 | |
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40 affected | |
adj.不自然的,假装的 | |
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41 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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42 fortitude | |
n.坚忍不拔;刚毅 | |
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43 soothed | |
v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 );抚慰;使舒服;减轻痛苦 | |
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44 irresistible | |
adj.非常诱人的,无法拒绝的,无法抗拒的 | |
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45 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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46 poetical | |
adj.似诗人的;诗一般的;韵文的;富有诗意的 | |
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47 chimeras | |
n.(由几种动物的各部分构成的)假想的怪兽( chimera的名词复数 );不可能实现的想法;幻想;妄想 | |
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48 delusions | |
n.欺骗( delusion的名词复数 );谬见;错觉;妄想 | |
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49 yearn | |
v.想念;怀念;渴望 | |
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50 yearned | |
渴望,切盼,向往( yearn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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51 meditations | |
默想( meditation的名词复数 ); 默念; 沉思; 冥想 | |
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52 exclamation | |
n.感叹号,惊呼,惊叹词 | |
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53 likeness | |
n.相像,相似(之处) | |
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54 worthy | |
adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的 | |
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55 revert | |
v.恢复,复归,回到 | |
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56 blanched | |
v.使变白( blanch的过去式 );使(植物)不见阳光而变白;酸洗(金属)使有光泽;用沸水烫(杏仁等)以便去皮 | |
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57 appalls | |
v.使惊骇,使充满恐惧( appall的第三人称单数 ) | |
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58 softened | |
(使)变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 ); 缓解打击; 缓和; 安慰 | |
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59 intelligible | |
adj.可理解的,明白易懂的,清楚的 | |
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60 abhorred | |
v.憎恶( abhor的过去式和过去分词 );(厌恶地)回避;拒绝;淘汰 | |
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61 abode | |
n.住处,住所 | |
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62 vigilant | |
adj.警觉的,警戒的,警惕的 | |
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63 recital | |
n.朗诵,独奏会,独唱会 | |
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64 alluded | |
提及,暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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65 surmise | |
v./n.猜想,推测 | |
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66 faculties | |
n.能力( faculty的名词复数 );全体教职员;技巧;院 | |
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67 demon | |
n.魔鬼,恶魔 | |
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68 torpid | |
adj.麻痹的,麻木的,迟钝的 | |
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69 brutes | |
兽( brute的名词复数 ); 畜生; 残酷无情的人; 兽性 | |
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70 aspire | |
vi.(to,after)渴望,追求,有志于 | |
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71 kindled | |
(使某物)燃烧,着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 ); 激起(感情等); 发亮,放光 | |
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72 cowered | |
v.畏缩,抖缩( cower的过去式 ) | |
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73 sage | |
n.圣人,哲人;adj.贤明的,明智的 | |
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74 sages | |
n.圣人( sage的名词复数 );智者;哲人;鼠尾草(可用作调料) | |
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75 converse | |
vi.谈话,谈天,闲聊;adv.相反的,相反 | |
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76 carnival | |
n.嘉年华会,狂欢,狂欢节,巡回表演 | |
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77 Christian | |
adj.基督教徒的;n.基督教徒 | |
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78 hideous | |
adj.丑陋的,可憎的,可怕的,恐怖的 | |
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79 riotous | |
adj.骚乱的;狂欢的 | |
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80 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
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81 fascination | |
n.令人着迷的事物,魅力,迷恋 | |
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82 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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83 millennium | |
n.一千年,千禧年;太平盛世 | |
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84 advent | |
n.(重要事件等的)到来,来临 | |
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85 exulting | |
vi. 欢欣鼓舞,狂喜 | |
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86 licentious | |
adj.放纵的,淫乱的 | |
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87 pervade | |
v.弥漫,遍及,充满,渗透,漫延 | |
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88 emancipation | |
n.(从束缚、支配下)解放 | |
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89 fetter | |
n./vt.脚镣,束缚 | |
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90 tirade | |
n.冗长的攻击性演说 | |
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91 bent | |
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
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92 mighty | |
adj.强有力的;巨大的 | |
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93 persecution | |
n. 迫害,烦扰 | |
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94 brotherhood | |
n.兄弟般的关系,手中情谊 | |
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95 jealousy | |
n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌 | |
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96 bondage | |
n.奴役,束缚 | |
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97 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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98 majestic | |
adj.雄伟的,壮丽的,庄严的,威严的,崇高的 | |
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99 awed | |
adj.充满敬畏的,表示敬畏的v.使敬畏,使惊惧( awe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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100 repelled | |
v.击退( repel的过去式和过去分词 );使厌恶;排斥;推开 | |
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101 aspirant | |
n.热望者;adj.渴望的 | |
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102 serene | |
adj. 安详的,宁静的,平静的 | |
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103 phantom | |
n.幻影,虚位,幽灵;adj.错觉的,幻影的,幽灵的 | |
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104 cynical | |
adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的,不信世道向善的 | |
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105 disdain | |
n.鄙视,轻视;v.轻视,鄙视,不屑 | |
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106 behold | |
v.看,注视,看到 | |
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107 wrecks | |
n.沉船( wreck的名词复数 );(事故中)遭严重毁坏的汽车(或飞机等);(身体或精神上)受到严重损伤的人;状况非常糟糕的车辆(或建筑物等)v.毁坏[毁灭]某物( wreck的第三人称单数 );使(船舶)失事,使遇难,使下沉 | |
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108 clamorous | |
adj.吵闹的,喧哗的 | |
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109 intoxicated | |
喝醉的,极其兴奋的 | |
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110 recoiling | |
v.畏缩( recoil的现在分词 );退缩;报应;返回 | |
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111 speculations | |
n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 );思考;投机活动;推断 | |
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112 debauch | |
v.使堕落,放纵 | |
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113 lust | |
n.性(淫)欲;渴(欲)望;vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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114 avarice | |
n.贪婪;贪心 | |
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115 torment | |
n.折磨;令人痛苦的东西(人);vt.折磨;纠缠 | |
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116 shudder | |
v.战粟,震动,剧烈地摇晃;n.战粟,抖动 | |
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117 divulged | |
v.吐露,泄露( divulge的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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118 resolutely | |
adj.坚决地,果断地 | |
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