Repairs to the Metropolis1, and Enrols2 Himself Among the Sons of Paean3.
Before this affair could be brought to a proper explanation, the season being almost ended, the ladies departed from Tunbridge, and in a little time Doctor Fathom4 followed them to London, having previously5 obtained permission to visit them in that metropolis. He had solicited6 the same favour of some other families, in which he hoped to take root, though he knew they were pre-engaged to different physicians; and resolving to make his first medical appearance in London with some eclat7, he not only purchased an old chariot, which was new painted for the purpose, but likewise hired a footman, whom he clothed in laced livery, in order to distinguish himself from the common run of his brethren.
This equipage, though much more expensive than his finances could bear, he found absolutely necessary to give him a chance for employment; as every shabby retainer to physic, in this capital, had provided himself with a vehicle, which was altogether used by way of a travelling sign-post, to draw in customers; so that a walking physician was considered as an obscure pedlar, trudging8 from street to street, with his pack of knowledge on his shoulders, and selling his remnants of advice by retail9. A chariot was not now set up for the convenience of a man sinking under the fatigue10 of extensive practice, but as a piece of furniture every way as necessary as a large periwig with three tails; and a physician, let his merit, in other respects, be never so conspicuous11, can no more expect to become considerable in business, without the assistance of this implement12, than he can hope to live without food, or breathe without a windpipe.
This requisite13 is so well understood, that, exclusive of those who profess14 themselves doctors, every raw surgeon, every idle apothecary15, who can make interest with some foolhardy coachmaker, may be seen dancing the bays in all places of public resort, and grinning to one another from their respective carriages. Hence proceed many of those cruel accidents which are recorded in the daily papers. An apothecary’s horses take fright, and run away with his chariot, which is heard of no more. An eminent16 surgeon being overturned, is so terrified at the thoughts of mutilation, that he resolves to walk on foot all the days of his life; and the coachman of a physician of great practice, having the misfortune to be disabled by a fall from the box, his master can never find another to supply his place.
None of these observations escaped the penetrating17 eye of Fathom, who, before he pretended to seat himself in this machine, had made proper inquiry18 into all the other methods practised, with a view to keep the wheels in motion. In his researches, he found that the great world was wholly engrossed19 by a few practitioners20 who had arrived at the summit of reputation, consequently were no longer obliged to cultivate those arts by which they rose; and that the rest of the business was parcelled out into small enclosures, occupied by different groups of personages, male and female, who stood in rings, and tossed the ball from one to another, there being in each department two sets, the individuals of which relieved one another occasionally. Every knot was composed of a waiting-woman, nurse, apothecary, surgeon, and physician, and sometimes a midwife was admitted into the party; and in this manner the farce21 was commonly performed.
A fine lady, fatigued22 with idleness, complains of the vapours, is deprived of her rest, though not so sick as to have recourse to medicine. Her favourite maid, tired with giving her attendance in the night, thinks proper, for the benefit of her own repose23, to complain of a violent headache, and recommends to her mistress a nurse of approved tenderness and discretion24; at whose house, in all likelihood, the said chambermaid hath oft given the rendezvous25 to a male friend. The nurse, well skilled in the mysteries of her occupation, persuades the patient, that her malady26, far from being slight or chimerical27, may proceed to a very dangerous degree of the hysterical28 affection, unless it be nipt in the bud by some very effectual remedy. Then she recounts a surprising cure performed by a certain apothecary, and appeals to the testimony29 of the waiting-woman, who being the gossip of his wife, confirms the evidence, and corroborates30 the proposal. The apothecary being summoned, finds her ladyship in such a delicate situation, that he declines prescribing, and advises her to send for a physician without delay. The nomination31 of course falls to him, and the doctor being called, declares the necessity of immediate32 venesection, which is accordingly performed by a surgeon of the association.
This is one way of beginning the game. Though the commencement often varies, and sometimes the apothecary and sometimes the physician opens the scene; but, be that as it will, they always appear in a string, like a flight of wild geese, and each confederacy maintains a correspondence with one particular undertaker. Fathom, upon these considerations, set up his rest in the first floor of an apothecary in the neighbourhood of Charing33 Cross, to whom he was introduced by a letter from a friend at Tunbridge, and who being made acquainted with his ability and scheme, promised to let slip no opportunity of serving him; and, indeed, seemed to espouse34 his interest with great alacrity35. He introduced him to some of his patients, on the strength of a gratis36 visit, sounded forth37 his praise among all the good women of his acquaintance; and even prevailed upon him to publish advertisements, importing that he would every day, at a certain time and place, give his advice to the poor for nothing; hoping that, by means of some lucky cure, his fame might be extended, and his practice grow into request.
In the meantime his chariot rolled along through all the most frequented streets, during the whole forenoon, and, at the usual hour, he never failed to make his appearance at the medical coffee-house, with all that solemnity of feature and address, by which the modern sons of Paean are distinguished38; not but that he was often puzzled about the decision of his diurnal39 route. For the method of driving up one street and down another, without halting, was become such a stale expedient40, that the very ‘prentices used to stand at the shop doors, and ridicule41 the vain parade. At length, however, he perused42 the map of London with great diligence, and, having acquired a distinct idea of its topography, used to alight at the end of long narrow thoroughfares and paved courts, where the chariot was ordered to wait till his return; and, walking with great gravity through the different turnings of these alleys43, regain44 his carriage by another passage, and resume his seat with an air of vast importance. With a view to protract46 the time of his supposed visits, he would, at one place, turn aside to a wall; at another, cheapen an urinal; at a third corner, read a quack47 advertisement, or lounge a few minutes in some bookseller’s shop; and, lastly, glide48 into some obscure coffee-house, and treat himself with a dram of usquebaugh.
The other means used to force a trade, such as ordering himself to be called from church, alarming the neighbourhood with knocking at his door in the night, receiving sudden messages in places of resort, and inserting his cures by way of news in the daily papers, had been so injudiciously hackneyed by every desperate sculler in physic, that they had lost their effect upon the public, and therefore were excluded from the plan of our adventurer, whose scheme, for the present, was to exert himself in winning the favour of those sage45 Sibyls, who keep, as it were, the temple of medicine, and admit the young priest to the service of the altar; but this he considered as a temporary project only, until he should have acquired interest enough to erect49 an hospital, lock, or infirmary, by the voluntary subscription50 of his friends, a scheme which had succeeded to a miracle with many of the profession, who had raised themselves into notice upon the carcases of the poor.
Yet even this branch was already overstocked, insomuch that almost every street was furnished with one of these charitable receptacles, which, instead of diminishing the taxes for the maintenance of the poor, encouraged the vulgar to be idle and dissolute, by opening an asylum51 to them and their families, from the diseases of poverty and intemperance52. For it remains53 to be proved, that the parish rates are decreased, the bills of mortality lessened54, the people more numerous, or the streets less infested55 with beggars, notwithstanding the immense sums yearly granted by individuals for the relief of the indigent56.
But, waiving57 these reflections, Doctor Fathom hoped, that his landlord would be a most useful implement for extending his influence, and, for that reason, admitted him into a degree of partnership58, after being fully59 convinced that he was not under articles to any other physician. Nevertheless, he was very much mistaken in reckoning on the importance of his new ally, who was, like himself, a needy60 adventurer, settled upon credit, and altogether unemployed61, except among the very refuse of the people, whom no other person would take the trouble to attend. So that our hero got little else than experience and trouble, excepting a few guineas which he made shift to glean62 among sojourners, with whom he became occasionally acquainted, or young people, who had been unfortunate in their amours.
In the midst of these endeavours, he did not omit his duty to the old gentlewoman, whose daughter he had cured at Tunbridge; and was always received with particular complacency, which, perhaps, he, in some measure, owed to his genteel equipage, that gave credit to every door before which it was seen; yet, Miss Biddy was as inaccessible63 as ever, while the mother became more and more warm in her civilities, till at length, after having prepared him with some extraordinary compliments, she gave him to understand, that Biddy was no better than a giddy-headed girl, far from being unexceptionable in her moral character, and particularly deficient64 in duty and gratitude65 to her, who had been always a tender and indulgent parent; she was therefore determined66 to punish the young minx for her levity67 and want of natural affection, by altering her own condition, could she find a worthy68 and agreeable man, on whom she could bestow69 her hand and fortune without a blush.
The film was instantly removed from Fathom’s eyes by this declaration, which she uttered with such a significancy of look, as thrilled to his soul with joyful70 presage71, while he replied, it would, indeed, be a difficult task to find a man who merited such happiness and honour; but, surely, some there were, who would task their faculties72 to the uttermost, in manifesting their gratitude, and desire of rendering73 themselves worthy of such distinction. Though this answer was pronounced in such a manner as gave her to understand he had taken the hint, she would not cheapen her condescension74 so much as to explain herself further at that juncture75, and he was very well contented76 to woo her on her own terms; accordingly he began to season his behaviour with a spice of gallantry, when he had opportunities of being particular with this new inamorata, and, in proportion to the returns she made, he gradually detached himself from Miss Biddy, by intermitting, and, at last, discontinuing those ardent77 expressions of love and admiration78, which he had made shift to convey in private looks and stolen whispers, during the rancorous inspection79 of her mother.
Such alteration80 could not long escape the jealous eyes of the young lady, no more than the cause of this alienation81, which, in a moment, converted all her love into irreconcilable82 hate, and filled her whole soul with the most eager desire of vengeance83. For she now not only considered him as a mercenary wretch84, who had slighted her attractions for the sordid85 gratifications of avarice86, but also as an interloper, who wanted to intercept87 her fortune, in the odious88 character of a father-in-law. But, before she could bring her aim to any ripeness of contrivance, her mother, having caught cold at church, was seized with a rheumatic fever, became delirious89 in less than three days, and, notwithstanding all the prescriptions90 and care of her admirer, gave up the ghost, without having retrieved91 the use of her senses, or been able to manifest, by will, the sentiments she entertained in favour of her physician, who, as the reader will easily perceive, had more reasons than one to be mortally chagrined92 at this event.
Miss Biddy being thus put in possession of the whole inheritance, not only renounced93 all correspondence with Doctor Fathom, by forbidding him the house, but likewise took all opportunities of prejudicing his character, by hinting, that her dear mamma had fallen a sacrifice to his ignorance and presumption94.
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metropolis
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| n.首府；大城市 | |
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enrols
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| v.招收( enrol的第三人称单数 )；吸收；入学；加入 | |
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paean
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| n.赞美歌，欢乐歌 | |
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fathom
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| v.领悟，彻底了解 | |
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previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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solicited
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| v.恳求( solicit的过去式和过去分词 )；（指娼妇）拉客；索求；征求 | |
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eclat
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| n.显赫之成功，荣誉 | |
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trudging
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| vt.& vi.跋涉，吃力地走（trudge的现在分词形式） | |
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retail
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| v./n.零售；adv.以零售价格 | |
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fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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conspicuous
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| adj.明眼的，惹人注目的；炫耀的，摆阔气的 | |
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implement
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| n.(pl.)工具，器具；vt.实行，实施，执行 | |
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requisite
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| adj.需要的，必不可少的；n.必需品 | |
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profess
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| v.声称，冒称，以...为业，正式接受入教，表明信仰 | |
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apothecary
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| n.药剂师 | |
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eminent
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| adj.显赫的，杰出的，有名的，优良的 | |
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penetrating
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| adj.（声音）响亮的，尖锐的adj.（气味）刺激的adj.（思想）敏锐的，有洞察力的 | |
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inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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engrossed
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| adj.全神贯注的 | |
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practitioners
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| n.习艺者，实习者( practitioner的名词复数 )；从业者（尤指医师） | |
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farce
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| n.闹剧，笑剧，滑稽戏；胡闹 | |
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fatigued
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| adj. 疲乏的 | |
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repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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discretion
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| n.谨慎；随意处理 | |
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rendezvous
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| n.约会，约会地点，汇合点；vi.汇合，集合；vt.使汇合，使在汇合地点相遇 | |
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malady
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| n.病，疾病(通常做比喻) | |
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chimerical
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| adj.荒诞不经的，梦幻的 | |
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hysterical
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| adj.情绪异常激动的，歇斯底里般的 | |
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testimony
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| n.证词；见证，证明 | |
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corroborates
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| v.证实，支持（某种说法、信仰、理论等）( corroborate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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nomination
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| n.提名，任命，提名权 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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charing
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| n.炭化v.把…烧成炭，把…烧焦( char的现在分词 )；烧成炭，烧焦；做杂役女佣 | |
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espouse
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| v.支持，赞成，嫁娶 | |
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alacrity
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| n.敏捷，轻快，乐意 | |
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gratis
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| adj.免费的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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diurnal
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| adj.白天的，每日的 | |
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expedient
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| adj.有用的，有利的；n.紧急的办法，权宜之计 | |
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ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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perused
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| v.读（某篇文字）( peruse的过去式和过去分词 )；（尤指）细阅；审阅；匆匆读或心不在焉地浏览（某篇文字） | |
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alleys
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| 胡同，小巷( alley的名词复数 )； 小径 | |
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regain
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| vt.重新获得，收复，恢复 | |
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sage
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| n.圣人，哲人；adj.贤明的，明智的 | |
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protract
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| v.延长，拖长 | |
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47
quack
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| n.庸医；江湖医生；冒充内行的人；骗子 | |
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glide
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| n./v.溜，滑行；(时间)消逝 | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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subscription
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| n.预订，预订费，亲笔签名，调配法，下标（处方） | |
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asylum
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| n.避难所，庇护所，避难 | |
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52
intemperance
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| n.放纵 | |
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53
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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54
lessened
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| 减少的，减弱的 | |
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55
infested
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| adj.为患的，大批滋生的（常与with搭配）v.害虫、野兽大批出没于( infest的过去式和过去分词 )；遍布于 | |
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indigent
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| adj.贫穷的，贫困的 | |
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57
waiving
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| v.宣布放弃( waive的现在分词 )；搁置；推迟；放弃（权利、要求等） | |
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partnership
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| n.合作关系，伙伴关系 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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needy
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| adj.贫穷的，贫困的，生活艰苦的 | |
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unemployed
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| adj.失业的，没有工作的；未动用的，闲置的 | |
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glean
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| v.收集(消息、资料、情报等) | |
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inaccessible
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| adj.达不到的，难接近的 | |
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deficient
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| adj.不足的，不充份的，有缺陷的 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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levity
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| n.轻率，轻浮，不稳定，多变 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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joyful
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| adj.欢乐的，令人欢欣的 | |
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presage
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| n.预感，不祥感；v.预示 | |
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faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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rendering
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| n.表现，描写 | |
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condescension
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| n.自以为高人一等，贬低(别人) | |
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juncture
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| n.时刻，关键时刻，紧要关头 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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inspection
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| n.检查，审查，检阅 | |
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alteration
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| n.变更，改变；蚀变 | |
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alienation
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| n.疏远；离间；异化 | |
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irreconcilable
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| adj.（指人）难和解的，势不两立的 | |
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vengeance
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| n.报复，报仇，复仇 | |
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wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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sordid
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| adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的 | |
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avarice
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| n.贪婪；贪心 | |
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intercept
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| vt.拦截，截住，截击 | |
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88
odious
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| adj.可憎的，讨厌的 | |
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89
delirious
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| adj.不省人事的，神智昏迷的 | |
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90
prescriptions
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| 药( prescription的名词复数 )； 处方； 开处方； 计划 | |
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91
retrieved
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| v.取回( retrieve的过去式和过去分词 )；恢复；寻回；检索（储存的信息） | |
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92
chagrined
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| adj.懊恼的，苦恼的v.使懊恼，使懊丧，使悔恨( chagrin的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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93
renounced
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| v.声明放弃( renounce的过去式和过去分词 )；宣布放弃；宣布与…决裂；宣布摒弃 | |
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94
presumption
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| n.推测，可能性，冒昧，放肆，[法律]推定 | |
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