Marion Eggelby sat talking to Clovis on the only subject that she ever willingly talked about — her offspring and their varied1 perfections and accomplishments2. Clovis was not in what could be called a receptive mood; the younger generation of Eggelby, depicted3 in the glowing improbable colours of parent impressionism, aroused in him no enthusiasm. Mrs. Eggelby, on the other hand, was furnished with enthusiasm enough for two.
“You would like Eric,” she said, argumentatively rather than hopefully. Clovis had intimated very unmistakably that he was unlikely to care extravagantly4 for either Amy or Willie. “Yes, I feel sure you would like Eric. Every one takes to him at once. You know, he always reminds me of that famous picture of the youthful David — I forget who it’s by, but it’s very well known.”
“That would be sufficient to set me against him, if I saw much of him,” said Clovis. “Just imagine at auction5 bridge, for instance, when one was trying to concentrate one’s mind on what one’s partner’s original declaration had been, and to remember what suits one’s opponents had originally discarded, what it would be like to have some one persistently6 reminding one of a picture of the youthful David. It would be simply maddening. If Eric did that I should detest7 him.”
“Eric doesn’t play bridge,” said Mrs. Eggelby with dignity.
“Doesn’t he?” asked Clovis; “why not?”
“None of my children have been brought up to play card games,” said Mrs. Eggelby; “draughts and halma and those sorts of games I encourage. Eric is considered quite a wonderful draughts-player.”
“You are strewing8 dreadful risks in the path of your family,” said Clovis; “a friend of mine who is a prison chaplain told me that among the worst criminal cases that have come under his notice, men condemned9 to death or to long periods of penal10 servitude, there was not a single bridge-player. On the other hand, he knew at least two expert draughts-players among them.”
“I really don’t see what my boys have got to do with the criminal classes,” said Mrs. Eggelby resentfully. “They have been most carefully brought up, I can assure you that.”
“That shows that you were nervous as to how they would turn out,” said Clovis. “Now, my mother never bothered about bringing me up. She just saw to it that I got whacked11 at decent intervals12 and was taught the difference between right and wrong; there is some difference, you know, but I’ve forgotten what it is.”
“Forgotten the difference between right and wrong!” exclaimed Mrs. Eggelby.
“Well, you see, I took up natural history and a whole lot of other subjects at the same time, and one can’t remember everything, can one? I used to know the difference between the Sardinian dormouse and the ordinary kind, and whether the wry-neck arrives at our shores earlier than the cuckoo, or the other way round, and how long the walrus13 takes in growing to maturity14; I daresay you knew all those sorts of things once, but I bet you’ve forgotten them.”
“Those things are not important,” said Mrs. Eggelby, “but —”
“The fact that we’ve both forgotten them proves that they are important,” said Clovis; “you must have noticed that it’s always the important things that one forgets, while the trivial, unnecessary facts of life stick in one’s memory. There’s my cousin, Editha Clubberley, for instance; I can never forget that her birthday is on the 12th of October. It’s a matter of utter indifference15 to me on what date her birthday falls, or whether she was born at all; either fact seems to me absolutely trivial, or unnecessary — I’ve heaps of other cousins to go on with. On the other hand, when I’m staying with Hildegarde Shrubley I can never remember the important circumstance whether her first husband got his unenviable reputation on the Turf or the Stock Exchange, and that uncertainty16 rules Sport and Finance out of the conversation at once. One can never mention travel, either, because her second husband had to live permanently17 abroad.”
“Mrs. Shrubley and I move in very different circles,” said Mrs. Eggelby stiffly.
“No one who knows Hildegarde could possibly accuse her of moving in a circle,” said Clovis; “her view of life seems to be a non-stop run with an inexhaustible supply of petrol. If she can get some one else to pay for the petrol so much the better. I don’t mind confessing to you that she has taught me more than any other woman I can think of.”
“What kind of knowledge?” demanded Mrs. Eggelby, with the air a jury might collectively wear when finding a verdict without leaving the box.
“Well, among other things, she’s introduced me to at least four different ways of cooking lobster18,” said Clovis gratefully. “That, of course, wouldn’t appeal to you; people who abstain19 from the pleasures of the card-table never really appreciate the finer possibilities of the dining-table. I suppose their powers of enlightened enjoyment20 get atrophied21 from disuse.”
“An aunt of mine was very ill after eating a lobster,” said Mrs. Eggelby.
“I daresay, if we knew more of her history, we should find out that she’d often been ill before eating the lobster. Aren’t you concealing22 the fact that she’d had measles23 and influenza24 and nervous headache and hysteria, and other things that aunts do have, long before she ate the lobster? Aunts that have never known a day’s illness are very rare; in fact, I don’t personally know of any. Of course if she ate it as a child of two weeks old it might have been her first illness — and her last. But if that was the case I think you should have said so.”
“I must be going,” said Mrs. Eggelby, in a tone which had been thoroughly25 sterilised of even perfunctory regret.
Clovis rose with an air of graceful26 reluctance27.
“I have so enjoyed our little talk about Eric,” he said; “I quite look forward to meeting him some day.”
“Good-bye,” said Mrs. Eggelby frostily; the supplementary28 remark which she made at the back of her throat was —
“I’ll take care that you never shall!”
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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accomplishments
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| n.造诣；完成( accomplishment的名词复数 )；技能；成绩；成就 | |
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depicted
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| 描绘，描画( depict的过去式和过去分词 )； 描述 | |
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extravagantly
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| adv.挥霍无度地 | |
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auction
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| n.拍卖；拍卖会；vt.拍卖 | |
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persistently
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| ad.坚持地；固执地 | |
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detest
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| vt.痛恨，憎恶 | |
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strewing
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| v.撒在…上( strew的现在分词 )；散落于；点缀；撒满 | |
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condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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penal
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| adj.刑罚的；刑法上的 | |
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whacked
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| a.精疲力尽的 | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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walrus
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| n.海象 | |
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maturity
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| n.成熟；完成；(支票、债券等)到期 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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lobster
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| n.龙虾，龙虾肉 | |
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abstain
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| v.自制，戒绝，弃权，避免 | |
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enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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atrophied
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| adj.萎缩的，衰退的v.（使）萎缩，（使）虚脱，（使）衰退( atrophy的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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22
concealing
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，遮住( conceal的现在分词 ) | |
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measles
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| n.麻疹，风疹，包虫病，痧子 | |
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influenza
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| n.流行性感冒，流感 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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reluctance
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| n.厌恶，讨厌，勉强，不情愿 | |
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supplementary
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| adj.补充的，附加的 | |
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