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Chapter 34 My Lord’s Mind
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HERE, my old-vagabond-Vimpany, is an interesting case for you — the cry of a patient with a sick mind.

Look over it, and prescribe for your wild Irish friend, if you can.

You will perhaps remember that I have never thoroughly2 trusted you, in all the years since we have known each other. At this later date in our lives, when I ought to see more clearly than ever what an unfathomable man you are, am I rash enough to be capable of taking you into my confidence?

I don’t know what I am going to do; I feel like a man who has been stunned3. To be told that the murderer of Arthur Mountjoy had been seen in London — to be prepared to trace him by his paltry4 assumed name of Carrigeen — to wait vainly for the next discovery which might bring him within reach of retribution at my hands — and then to be overwhelmed by the news of his illness, his recovery, and his disappearance5: these are the blows which have stupefied me. Only think of it! He has escaped me for the second time. Fever that kills thousands of harmless creatures has spared the assassin. He may yet die in his bed, and be buried, with the guiltless dead around him, in a quiet churchyard. I can’t get over it; I shall never get over it.

Add to this, anxieties about my wife, and maddening letters from creditors6 — and don’t expect me to write reasonably.

What I want to know is whether your art (or whatever you call it) can get at my diseased mind, through my healthy body. You have more than once told me that medicine can do this. The time has come for doing it. I am in a bad way, and a bad end may follow. My only medical friend, deliver me from myself.

In any case, let me beg you to keep your temper while you read what follows.

I have to confess that the devil whose name is Jealousy7 has entered into me, and is threatening the tranquillity8 of my married life. You dislike Iris1, I know — and she returns your hostile feeling towards her. Try to do my wife justice, nevertheless, as I do. I don’t believe my distrust of her has any excuse — and yet, I am jealous. More unreasonable9 still, I am as fond of her as I was in the first days of the honeymoon10. Is she as fond as ever of me? You were a married man when I was a boy. Let me give you the means of forming an opinion by a narrative11 of her conduct, under (what I admit to have been) very trying circumstances.

When the first information reached Iris of Hugh Mountjoy’s dangerous illness, we were at breakfast. It struck her dumb. She handed the letter to me, and left the table.

I hate a man who doesn’t know what it is to want money; I hate a man who keeps his temper; I hate a man who pretends to be my wife’s friend, and who is secretly in love with her all the time. What difference did it make to me whether Hugh Mountjoy ended in living or dying? If I had any interest in the matter, it ought by rights (seeing that I am jealous of him) to be an interest in his death. Well! I declare positively12 that the alarming news from London spoilt my breakfast. There is something about that friend of my wife — that smug, prosperous, well-behaved Englishman — which seems to plead for him (God knows how!) when my mind is least inclined in his favour. While I was reading about his illness, I found myself hoping that he would recover — and, I give you my sacred word of honour, I hated him all the time.

My Irish friend is mad — you will say. Your Irish friend, my dear follow, does not dispute it.

Let us get back to my wife. She showed herself again after a long absence, having something (at last) to say to her husband.

“I am innocently to blame,” she began, “for the dreadful misfortune that has fallen on Mr. Mountjoy. If I had not given him a message to Mrs. Vimpany, he would never have insisted on seeing her, and would never have caught the fever. It may help me to bear my misery13 of self-reproach and suspense14, if I am kept informed of his illness. There is no fear of infection by my receiving letters. I am to write to a friend of Mrs. Vimpany, who lives in another house, and who will answer my inquiries15. Do you object, dear Harry16, to my getting news of Hugh Mountjoy every day, while he is in danger?”

I was perfectly17 willing that she should get that news, and she ought to have known it.

It seemed to me to be also a bad sign that she made her request with dry eyes. She must have cried, when she first heard that he was likely to sink under an attack of fever. Why were her tears kept hidden in her own room? When she came back to me, her face was pale and hard and tearless. Don’t you think she might have forgotten my jealousy, when I was so careful myself not to show it? My own belief is that she was longing18 to go to London, and help your wife to nurse the poor man, and catch the fever, and die with him if he died.

Is this bitter? Perhaps it is. Tear it off, and light your pipe with it.

Well, the correspondence relating to the sick man continued every day; and every day — oh, Vimpany, another concession19 to my jealousy!— she handed the letters to me to read. I made excuses (we Irish are good at that, if we are good at nothing else), and declined to read the medical reports. One morning, when she opened the letter of that day, there passed over her a change which is likely to remain in my memory as long as I live. Never have I seen such an ecstasy20 of happiness in any woman’s face, as I saw when she read the lines which informed her that the fever was mastered. Iris is sweet and delicate and bright — essentially21 fascinating, in a word. But she was never a beautiful woman, until she knew that Mountjoy’s life was safe; and she will never be a beautiful woman again, unless the time comes when my death leaves her free to marry him. On her wedding-day, he will see the transformation22 that I saw — and he will be dazzled as I was.

She looked at me, as if she expected me to speak.

“I am glad indeed,” I said, “that he is out of danger.”

She ran to me — she kissed me; I wouldn’t have believed it was in her to give such kisses. “Now I have your sympathy,” she said, “my happiness is complete!” Do you think I was indebted for these kisses to myself or to that other man? No, no — here is an unworthy doubt. I discard it. Vile23 suspicion shall not wrong Iris this time.

And yet ——

Shall I go on, and write the rest of it?

Poor, dear Arthur Mountjoy once told me of a foreign author, who was in great doubt of the right answer to some tough question that troubled him. He went into his garden and threw a stone at a tree. If he hit the tree, the answer would be — Yes. If he missed the tree, the answer would be — No. I am going into the garden to imitate the foreign author. You shall hear how it ends.

I have hit the tree. As a necessary consequence, I must go on and write the rest of it.

There is a growing estrangement24 between Iris and myself — and my jealousy doesn’t altogether account for it. Sometimes, it occurs to me that we are thinking of what our future relations with Mountjoy are likely to be, and are ashamed to confess it to each other. Sometimes — and perhaps this second, and easiest, guess may be the right one — I am apt to conclude that we are only anxious about money matters. I am waiting for her to touch on the subject, and she is waiting for me; and there we are at a deadlock25.

I wish I had some reason for going to some other place. I wish I was lost among strangers. I should like to find myself in a state of danger, meeting the risks that I used to run in my vagabond days. Now I think of it, I might enjoy this last excitement by going back to England, and giving the Invincibles a chance of shooting me as a traitor26 to the cause. But my wife would object to that.

Suppose we change the subject.

You will be glad to hear that you knew something of law, as well as of medicine. I sent instructions to my solicitor27 in London to raise a loan on my life-insurance. What you said to me turns out to be right. I can’t raise a farthing, for three years to come, out of all the thousands of pounds which I shall leave behind me when I die.

Are my prospects28 from the newspaper likely to cheer me after such a disappointment as this? The new journal, I have the pleasure of informing you, is much admired. When I inquire for my profits, I hear that the expenses are heavy, and I am told that I must wait for a rise in our circulation. How long? Nobody knows.

I shall keep these pages open for a few days more, on the chance of something happening which may alter my present position for the better.

My position has altered for the worse.

I have been obliged to fill my empty purse, for a little while, by means of a bit of stamped paper. And how shall I meet my liabilities when the note falls due? Let time answer the question; for the present the evil day is put off. In the meanwhile, if that literary speculation29 of yours is answering no better than my newspaper, I can lend you a few pounds to get on with. What do you say (on second thoughts) to coming back to your old quarters at Passy, and giving me your valuable advice by word of mouth instead of by letter?

Come, and feel my pulse, and look at my tongue — and tell me how these various anxieties of mine are going to end, before we are any of us a year older. Shall I, like you, be separated from my wife — at her request; oh, not at mine! Or shall I be locked up in prison? And what will become of You? Do you take the hint, doctor?


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1 iris Ekly8     
n.虹膜,彩虹
参考例句:
  • The opening of the iris is called the pupil.虹膜的开口处叫做瞳孔。
  • This incredible human eye,complete with retina and iris,can be found in the Maldives.又是在马尔代夫,有这样一只难以置信的眼睛,连视网膜和虹膜都刻画齐全了。
2 thoroughly sgmz0J     
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地
参考例句:
  • The soil must be thoroughly turned over before planting.一定要先把土地深翻一遍再下种。
  • The soldiers have been thoroughly instructed in the care of their weapons.士兵们都系统地接受过保护武器的训练。
3 stunned 735ec6d53723be15b1737edd89183ec2     
adj. 震惊的,惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词
参考例句:
  • The fall stunned me for a moment. 那一下摔得我昏迷了片刻。
  • The leaders of the Kopper Company were then stunned speechless. 科伯公司的领导们当时被惊得目瞪口呆。
4 paltry 34Cz0     
adj.无价值的,微不足道的
参考例句:
  • The parents had little interest in paltry domestic concerns.那些家长对家里鸡毛蒜皮的小事没什么兴趣。
  • I'm getting angry;and if you don't command that paltry spirit of yours.我要生气了,如果你不能振作你那点元气。
5 disappearance ouEx5     
n.消失,消散,失踪
参考例句:
  • He was hard put to it to explain her disappearance.他难以说明她为什么不见了。
  • Her disappearance gave rise to the wildest rumours.她失踪一事引起了各种流言蜚语。
6 creditors 6cb54c34971e9a505f7a0572f600684b     
n.债权人,债主( creditor的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • They agreed to repay their creditors over a period of three years. 他们同意3年内向债主还清欠款。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Creditors could obtain a writ for the arrest of their debtors. 债权人可以获得逮捕债务人的令状。 来自《简明英汉词典》
7 jealousy WaRz6     
n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌
参考例句:
  • Some women have a disposition to jealousy.有些女人生性爱妒忌。
  • I can't support your jealousy any longer.我再也无法忍受你的嫉妒了。
8 tranquillity 93810b1103b798d7e55e2b944bcb2f2b     
n. 平静, 安静
参考例句:
  • The phenomenon was so striking and disturbing that his philosophical tranquillity vanished. 这个令人惶惑不安的现象,扰乱了他的旷达宁静的心境。
  • My value for domestic tranquillity should much exceed theirs. 我应该远比他们重视家庭的平静生活。
9 unreasonable tjLwm     
adj.不讲道理的,不合情理的,过度的
参考例句:
  • I know that they made the most unreasonable demands on you.我知道他们对你提出了最不合理的要求。
  • They spend an unreasonable amount of money on clothes.他们花在衣服上的钱太多了。
10 honeymoon ucnxc     
n.蜜月(假期);vi.度蜜月
参考例句:
  • While on honeymoon in Bali,she learned to scuba dive.她在巴厘岛度蜜月时学会了带水肺潜水。
  • The happy pair are leaving for their honeymoon.这幸福的一对就要去度蜜月了。
11 narrative CFmxS     
n.叙述,故事;adj.叙事的,故事体的
参考例句:
  • He was a writer of great narrative power.他是一位颇有记述能力的作家。
  • Neither author was very strong on narrative.两个作者都不是很善于讲故事。
12 positively vPTxw     
adv.明确地,断然,坚决地;实在,确实
参考例句:
  • She was positively glowing with happiness.她满脸幸福。
  • The weather was positively poisonous.这天气着实讨厌。
13 misery G10yi     
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦
参考例句:
  • Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
  • He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。
14 suspense 9rJw3     
n.(对可能发生的事)紧张感,担心,挂虑
参考例句:
  • The suspense was unbearable.这样提心吊胆的状况实在叫人受不了。
  • The director used ingenious devices to keep the audience in suspense.导演用巧妙手法引起观众的悬念。
15 inquiries 86a54c7f2b27c02acf9fcb16a31c4b57     
n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 );疑问;探究;打听
参考例句:
  • He was released on bail pending further inquiries. 他获得保释,等候进一步调查。
  • I have failed to reach them by postal inquiries. 我未能通过邮政查询与他们取得联系。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
16 harry heBxS     
vt.掠夺,蹂躏,使苦恼
参考例句:
  • Today,people feel more hurried and harried.今天,人们感到更加忙碌和苦恼。
  • Obama harried business by Healthcare Reform plan.奥巴马用医改掠夺了商界。
17 perfectly 8Mzxb     
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地
参考例句:
  • The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
  • Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。
18 longing 98bzd     
n.(for)渴望
参考例句:
  • Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
  • His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。
19 concession LXryY     
n.让步,妥协;特许(权)
参考例句:
  • We can not make heavy concession to the matter.我们在这个问题上不能过于让步。
  • That is a great concession.这是很大的让步。
20 ecstasy 9kJzY     
n.狂喜,心醉神怡,入迷
参考例句:
  • He listened to the music with ecstasy.他听音乐听得入了神。
  • Speechless with ecstasy,the little boys gazed at the toys.小孩注视着那些玩具,高兴得说不出话来。
21 essentially nntxw     
adv.本质上,实质上,基本上
参考例句:
  • Really great men are essentially modest.真正的伟人大都很谦虚。
  • She is an essentially selfish person.她本质上是个自私自利的人。
22 transformation SnFwO     
n.变化;改造;转变
参考例句:
  • Going to college brought about a dramatic transformation in her outlook.上大学使她的观念发生了巨大的变化。
  • He was struggling to make the transformation from single man to responsible husband.他正在努力使自己由单身汉变为可靠的丈夫。
23 vile YLWz0     
adj.卑鄙的,可耻的,邪恶的;坏透的
参考例句:
  • Who could have carried out such a vile attack?会是谁发起这么卑鄙的攻击呢?
  • Her talk was full of vile curses.她的话里充满着恶毒的咒骂。
24 estrangement 5nWxt     
n.疏远,失和,不和
参考例句:
  • a period of estrangement from his wife 他与妻子分居期间
  • The quarrel led to a complete estrangement between her and her family. 这一争吵使她同家人完全疏远了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
25 deadlock mOIzU     
n.僵局,僵持
参考例句:
  • The negotiations reached a deadlock after two hours.两小时后,谈判陷入了僵局。
  • The employers and strikers are at a deadlock over the wage.雇主和罢工者在工资问题上相持不下。
26 traitor GqByW     
n.叛徒,卖国贼
参考例句:
  • The traitor was finally found out and put in prison.那个卖国贼终于被人发现并被监禁了起来。
  • He was sold out by a traitor and arrested.他被叛徒出卖而被捕了。
27 solicitor vFBzb     
n.初级律师,事务律师
参考例句:
  • The solicitor's advice gave me food for thought.律师的指点值得我深思。
  • The solicitor moved for an adjournment of the case.律师请求将这个案件的诉讼延期。
28 prospects fkVzpY     
n.希望,前途(恒为复数)
参考例句:
  • There is a mood of pessimism in the company about future job prospects. 公司中有一种对工作前景悲观的情绪。
  • They are less sanguine about the company's long-term prospects. 他们对公司的远景不那么乐观。
29 speculation 9vGwe     
n.思索,沉思;猜测;投机
参考例句:
  • Her mind is occupied with speculation.她的头脑忙于思考。
  • There is widespread speculation that he is going to resign.人们普遍推测他要辞职。


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