As usual, Lily thought. There was always something that had to be doneat that precise moment, something that Mrs Ramsay had decided1 forreasons of her own to do instantly, it might be with every one standingabout making jokes, as now, not being able to decide whether they weregoing into the smoking-room, into the drawing-room, up to the attics3.
Then one saw Mrs Ramsay in the midst of this hubbub4 standing2 therewith Minta's arm in hers, bethink her, "Yes, it is time for that now," andso make off at once with an air of secrecy5 to do something alone. Anddirectly she went a sort of disintegration6 set in; they wavered about,went different ways, Mr Bankes took Charles Tansley by the arm andwent off to finish on the terrace the discussion they had begun at dinnerabout politics, thus giving a turn to the whole poise7 of the evening, makingthe weight fall in a different direction, as if, Lily thought, seeing themgo, and hearing a word or two about the policy of the Labour Party, theyhad gone up on to the bridge of the ship and were taking their bearings;the change from poetry to politics struck her like that; so Mr Bankes andCharles Mrs Ramsay going upstairs in the lamplight alone. Where, Lilywondered, was she going so quickly?
Not that she did in fact run or hurry; she went indeed rather slowly.
She felt rather inclined just for a moment to stand still after all that chatter8,and pick out one particular thing; the thing that mattered; to detachit; separate it off; clean it of all the emotions and odds9 and ends of things,and so hold it before her, and bring it to the tribunal where, rangedabout in conclave10, sat the judges she had set up to decide these things. Isit good, is it bad, is it right or wrong? Where are we all going to? and soon. So she righted herself after the shock of the event, and quite unconsciouslyand incongruously, used the branches of the elm trees outside tohelp her to stabilise her position. Her world was changing: they werestill. The event had given her a sense of movement. All must be in order.
She must get that right and that right, she thought, insensibly approvingof the dignity of the trees' stillness, and now again of the superb upward rise (like the beak11 of a ship up a wave) of the elm branches as the windraised them. For it was windy (she stood a moment to look out). It waswindy, so that the leaves now and then brushed open a star, and thestars themselves seemed to be shaking and darting12 light and trying toflash out between the edges of the leaves. Yes, that was done then, accomplished;and as with all things done, became solemn. Now onethought of it, cleared of chatter and emotion, it seemed always to havebeen, only was shown now and so being shown, struck everything intostability. They would, she thought, going on again, however long theylived, come back to this night; this moon; this wind; this house: and toher too. It flattered her, where she was most susceptible13 of flattery, tothink how, wound about in their hearts, however long they lived shewould be woven; and this, and this, and this, she thought, going upstairs,laughing, but affectionately, at the sofa on the landing (hermother's); at the rocking-chair (her father's); at the map of the Hebrides.
All that would be revived again in the lives of Paul and Minta; "the Rayleys"—she tried the new name over; and she felt, with her hand on thenursery door, that community of feeling with other people which emotiongives as if the walls of partition had become so thin that practically(the feeling was one of relief and happiness) it was all one stream, andchairs, tables, maps, were hers, were theirs, it did not matter whose, andPaul and Minta would carry it on when she was dead.
She turned the handle, firmly, lest it should squeak14, and went in, pursingher lips slightly, as if to remind herself that she must not speakaloud. But directly she came in she saw, with annoyance15, that the precautionwas not needed. The children were not asleep. It was most annoying.
Mildred should be more careful. There was James wide awakeand Cam sitting bolt upright, and Mildred out of bed in her bare feet,and it was almost eleven and they were all talking. What was the matter?
It was that horrid16 skull17 again. She had told Mildred to move it, but Mildred,of course, had forgotten, and now there was Cam wide awake, andJames wide awake quarreling when they ought to have been asleephours ago. What had possessed18 Edward to send them this horrid skull?
She had been so foolish as to let them nail it up there. It was nailed fast,Mildred said, and Cam couldn't go to sleep with it in the room, andJames screamed if she touched it.
Then Cam must go to sleep (it had great horns said Cam)—must go tosleep and dream of lovely palaces, said Mrs Ramsay, sitting down on thebed by her side. She could see the horns, Cam said, all over the room. It was true. Wherever they put the light (and James could not sleepwithout a light) there was always a shadow somewhere.
"But think, Cam, it's only an old pig," said Mrs Ramsay, "a nice blackpig like the pigs at the farm." But Cam thought it was a horrid thing,branching at her all over the room.
"Well then," said Mrs Ramsay, "we will cover it up," and they allwatched her go to the chest of drawers, and open the little drawersquickly one after another, and not seeing anything that would do, shequickly took her own shawl off and wound it round the skull, round andround and round, and then she came back to Cam and laid her head almostflat on the pillow beside Cam's and said how lovely it looked now;how the fairies would love it; it was like a bird's nest; it was like a beautifulmountain such as she had seen abroad, with valleys and flowers andbells ringing and birds singing and little goats and antelopes19 and… Shecould see the words echoing as she spoke20 them rhythmically21 in Cam'smind, and Cam was repeating after her how it was like a mountain, abird's nest, a garden, and there were little antelopes, and her eyes wereopening and shutting, and Mrs Ramsay went on speaking still moremonotonously, and more rhythmically and more nonsensically, how shemust shut her eyes and go to sleep and dream of mountains and valleysand stars falling and parrots and antelopes and gardens, and everythinglovely, she said, raising her head very slowly and speaking more andmore mechanically, until she sat upright and saw that Cam was asleep.
Now, she whispered, crossing over to his bed, James must go to sleeptoo, for see, she said, the boar's skull was still there; they had not touchedit; they had done just what he wanted; it was there quite unhurt. Hemade sure that the skull was still there under the shawl. But he wantedto ask her something more. Would they go to the Lighthouse tomorrow?
No, not tomorrow, she said, but soon, she promised him; the next fineday. He was very good. He lay down. She covered him up. But he wouldnever forget, she knew, and she felt angry with Charles Tansley, with herhusband, and with herself, for she had raised his hopes. Then feeling forher shawl and remembering that she had wrapped it round the boar'sskull, she got up, and pulled the window down another inch or two, andheard the wind, and got a breath of the perfectly22 indifferent chill nightair and murmured good night to Mildred and left the room and let thetongue of the door slowly lengthen23 in the lock and went out.
She hoped he would not bang his books on the floor above their heads,she thought, still thinking how annoying Charles Tansley was. For neither of them slept well; they were excitable children, and since he saidthings like that about the Lighthouse, it seemed to her likely that hewould knock a pile of books over, just as they were going to sleep, clumsilysweeping them off the table with his elbow. For she supposed thathe had gone upstairs to work. Yet he looked so desolate24; yet she wouldfeel relieved when he went; yet she would see that he was better treatedtomorrow; yet he was admirable with her husband; yet his manners certainlywanted improving; yet she liked his laugh—thinking this, as shecame downstairs, she noticed that she could now see the moon itselfthrough the staircase window—the yellow harvest moon— and turned,and they saw her, standing above them on the stairs.
"That's my mother," thought Prue. Yes; Minta should look at her; PaulRayley should look at her. That is the thing itself, she felt, as if there wereonly one person like that in the world; her mother. And, from havingbeen quite grown up, a moment before, talking with the others, she becamea child again, and what they had been doing was a game, andwould her mother sanction their game, or condemn25 it, she wondered.
And thinking what a chance it was for Minta and Paul and Lily to seeher, and feeling what an extraordinary stroke of fortune it was for her, tohave her, and how she would never grow up and never leave home, shesaid, like a child, "We thought of going down to the beach to watch thewaves."Instantly, for no reason at all, Mrs Ramsay became like a girl oftwenty, full of gaiety. A mood of revelry suddenly took possession ofher. Of course they must go; of course they must go, she cried, laughing;and running down the last three or four steps quickly, she began turningfrom one to the other and laughing and drawing Minta's wrap round herand saying she only wished she could come too, and would they be verylate, and had any of them got a watch?
"Yes, Paul has," said Minta. Paul slipped a beautiful gold watch out ofa little wash-leather case to show her. And as he held it in the palm of hishand before her, he felt, "She knows all about it. I need not say anything."He was saying to her as he showed her the watch, "I've done it,Mrs Ramsay. I owe it all to you." And seeing the gold watch lying in hishand, Mrs Ramsay felt, How extraordinarily26 lucky Minta is! She is marryinga man who has a gold watch in a wash- leather bag!
"How I wish I could come with you!" she cried. But she was withheldby something so strong that she never even thought of asking herselfwhat it was. Of course it was impossible for her to go with them. But she would have liked to go, had it not been for the other thing, and tickledby the absurdity27 of her thought (how lucky to marry a man with a wash-leather bag for his watch) she went with a smile on her lips into the otherroom, where her husband sat reading.
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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attics
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| n. 阁楼 | |
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hubbub
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| n.嘈杂；骚乱 | |
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secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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disintegration
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| n.分散，解体 | |
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poise
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| vt./vi. 平衡，保持平衡；n.泰然自若，自信 | |
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chatter
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| vi.／n.喋喋不休；短促尖叫；(牙齿)打战 | |
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odds
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| n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别 | |
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conclave
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| n.秘密会议，红衣主教团 | |
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beak
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| n.鸟嘴，茶壶嘴，钩形鼻 | |
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darting
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的现在分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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susceptible
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| adj.过敏的，敏感的；易动感情的，易受感动的 | |
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squeak
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| n.吱吱声，逃脱；v.（发出）吱吱叫，侥幸通过；（俚）告密 | |
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annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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skull
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| n.头骨；颅骨 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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antelopes
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| 羚羊( antelope的名词复数 )； 羚羊皮革 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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rhythmically
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| adv.有节奏地 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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lengthen
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| vt.使伸长，延长 | |
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24
desolate
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| adj.荒凉的，荒芜的；孤独的，凄凉的；v.使荒芜，使孤寂 | |
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25
condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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extraordinarily
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| adv.格外地；极端地 | |
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absurdity
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| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
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