Endymion had returned to his labours, after the death of his mother, much dispirited. Though young and hopeful, his tender heart could not be insensible to the tragic1 end. There is anguish2 in the recollection that we have not adequately appreciated the affection of those whom we have loved and lost. It tortured him to feel that he had often accepted with carelessness or indifference3 the homage4 of a heart that had been to him ever faithful in its multiplied devotion. Then, though he was not of a melancholy5 and brooding nature, in this moment of bereavement6 he could not drive from his mind the consciousness that there had long been hanging over his home a dark lot, as it were, of progressive adversity. His family seemed always sinking, and he felt conscious how the sanguine7 spirit of his mother had sustained them in their trials. His father had already made him the depositary of his hopeless cares; and if anything happened to that father, old and worn out before his time, what would become of Myra?
Nigel, who in their great calamity8 seemed to have thought of everything, and to have done everything, had written to the chief of his office, and also to Mr. Trenchard, explaining the cause of the absence of Endymion from his duties. There were no explanations, therefore, necessary when he reappeared; no complaints, but only sympathy and general kindness. In Warwick Street there was unaffected sorrow; Sylvia wept and went into the prettiest mourning for her patroness, and Mr. Rodney wore a crape on his hat. “I never saw her,” said Imogene, “but I am told she was heavenly.”
Waldershare was very kind to Endymion, and used to take him to the House of Commons on interesting evenings, and, if he succeeded in getting Endymion a place under the gallery, would come and talk to him in the course of the night, and sometimes introduce him to the mysteries of Bellamy’s, where Endymion had the satisfaction of partaking of a steak in the presence of statesmen and senators.
“You are in the precincts of public life,” said Waldershare; “and if you ever enter it, which I think you will,” he would add thoughtfully, “it will be interesting for you to remember that you have seen these characters, many of whom will then have passed away. Like the shades of a magic lantern,” he added, with something between a sigh and a smile. “One of my constituents9 send me a homily this morning, the burthen of which was, I never thought of death. The idiot! I never think of anything else. It is my weakness. One should never think of death. One should think of life. That is real piety10.”
This spring and summer were passed tranquilly11 by Endymion, but not unprofitably. He never went to any place of public amusement, and, cherishing his sorrow, declined those slight openings to social life which occasionally offered themselves even to him; but he attended his debating club with regularity12, and, though silent, studied every subject which was brought before it. It interested him to compare their sayings and doings with those of the House of Commons, and he found advantage in the critical comparison. Though not in what is styled society, his mind did not rust13 from the want of intelligent companions. The clear perception, accurate knowledge, and unerring judgment14 of Trenchard, the fantastic cynicism of St. Barbe, and all the stores of the exuberant15 and imaginative Waldershare, were brought to bear on a young and plastic intelligence, gifted with a quick though not a too profound sensibility which soon ripened16 into tact17, and which, after due discrimination, was tenacious18 of beneficial impressions.
In the autumn, Endymion returned home for a long visit and a happy one. He found Nigel settled at Hurstley, and almost domesticated19 at the hall; his father more cheerful than his sister’s earlier letters had led him to suppose; and she herself so delighted by the constant companionship of her brother that she seemed to have resumed all her original pride of life.
Nearly two years’ acquaintance, however limited, with the world, had already exercised a ripening20 influence over Endymion. Nigel soon perceived this, though, with a native tact which circumstances had developed, Endymion avoided obtruding21 his new conclusions upon his former instructor22. But that deep and eager spirit, unwilling23 ever to let a votary24 escape, and absorbed intellectually by one vast idea, would not be baffled. Nigel had not renounced25 the early view of Endymion taking orders, and spoke26 of his London life as an incident which, with his youth, he might in time only look upon as an episode in his existence.
“I trust I shall ever be a devoted27 son of the Church,” said Endymion; “but I confess I feel no predisposition to take orders, even if I had the opportunity, which probably I never shall have. If I were to choose my career it would be public life. I am on the last step of the ladder, and I do not suppose that I can ever be anything but a drudge29. But even that would interest me. It brings one in contact with those who are playing the great game. One at least fancies one comprehends something of the government of mankind. Mr. Waldershare takes me often to the House of Commons, and I must say, I am passionately30 fond of it.”
After Endymion’s return to London that scene occurred between Nigel and Myra, in the glade31 at Hurstley, which we have noticed in the preceding chapter. In the evening of that day Nigel did not pay his accustomed visit to the hall, and the father and the daughter were alone. Then it was, notwithstanding evident agitation32, and even with some degree of solemnity, that Mr. Ferrars broke to his daughter that there was a subject on which he wished seriously to confer with her.
“Is it about Nigel?” she inquired with calmness.
“It is about Nigel.”
“I have seen him, and he has spoken to me.”
“And what have you replied?”
“What I fear will not be satisfactory to you, sir, but what is irrevocable.”
“Your union would give me life and hope,” said Mr. Ferrars; and then, as she remained silent, he continued after a pause: “For its happiness there seems every security. He is of good family, and with adequate means, and, I firmly believe, no inconsiderable future. His abilities are already recognised; his disposition28 is noble. As for his personal qualities, you are a better judge than I am; but, for my part, I never saw a countenance33 that more became the beauty and nobility of his character.”
“I think him very good-looking,” said Myra, “and there is no doubt he is clever, and he has shown himself, on more than one occasion, amiable34.”
“Then what more can you require?” said Mr. Ferrars.
“I require nothing; I do not wish to marry.”
“But, my daughter, my dearest daughter,” said Mr. Ferrars, “bear with the anxiety of a parent who is at least devoted to you. Our separation would be my last and severest sorrow, and I have had many; but there is no necessity to consider that case, for Nigel is content, is more than content, to live as your husband under this roof.”
“So he told me.”
“And that removed one objection that you might naturally feel?”
“I certainly should never leave you, sir,” said Myra, “and I told Nigel so; but that contingency35 had nothing to do with my decision. I declined his offer, because I have no wish to marry.”
“Women are born to be married,” said Mr. Ferrars.
“And yet I believe most marriages are unhappy,” said Myra.
“Oh! if your objection to marry Nigel arises from an abstract objection to marriage itself,” said Mr. Ferrars, “it is a subject which we might talk over calmly, and perhaps remove your prejudices.”
“I have no objection against marriage,” rejoined Myra. “It is likely enough that I may marry some day, and probably make an unhappy marriage; but that is not the question before us. It is whether I should marry Nigel. That cannot be, my dear father, and he knows it. I have assured him so in a manner which cannot be mistaken.”
“We are a doomed36 family!” exclaimed the unhappy Mr. Ferrars, clasping his hands.
“So I have long felt,” said Myra. “I can bear our lot; but I want no strangers to be introduced to share its bitterness, and soothe37 us with their sympathy.”
“You speak like a girl,” said Mr. Ferrars, “and a headstrong girl, which you always have been. You know not what you are talking about. It is a matter of life or death. Your decorous marriage would have saved us from absolute ruin.”
“Alone, I can meet absolute ruin,” said Myra. “I have long contemplated38 such a contingency, and am prepared for it. My marriage with Nigel could hardly save you, sir, from such a visitation, if it be impending39. But I trust in that respect, if in no other, you have used a little of the language of exaggeration. I have never received, and I have never presumed to seek, any knowledge of your affairs; but I have assumed, that for your life, somehow or other, you would be permitted to exist without disgrace. If I survive you, I have neither care nor fear.”
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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homage
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| n.尊敬，敬意，崇敬 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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bereavement
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| n.亲人丧亡，丧失亲人，丧亲之痛 | |
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sanguine
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| adj.充满希望的，乐观的，血红色的 | |
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calamity
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| n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件 | |
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constituents
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| n.选民( constituent的名词复数 )；成分；构成部分；要素 | |
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piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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tranquilly
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| adv. 宁静地 | |
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regularity
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| n.规律性，规则性；匀称，整齐 | |
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rust
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| n.锈；v.生锈；(脑子)衰退 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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exuberant
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| adj.充满活力的；（植物）繁茂的 | |
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ripened
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| v.成熟，使熟( ripen的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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tact
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| n.机敏，圆滑，得体 | |
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tenacious
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| adj.顽强的，固执的，记忆力强的，粘的 | |
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domesticated
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| adj.喜欢家庭生活的；（指动物）被驯养了的v.驯化( domesticate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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ripening
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| v.成熟，使熟( ripen的现在分词 )；熟化；熟成 | |
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obtruding
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| v.强行向前，强行，强迫( obtrude的现在分词 ) | |
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instructor
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| n.指导者，教员，教练 | |
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unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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votary
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| n.崇拜者；爱好者；adj.誓约的，立誓任圣职的 | |
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renounced
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| v.声明放弃( renounce的过去式和过去分词 )；宣布放弃；宣布与…决裂；宣布摒弃 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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drudge
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| n.劳碌的人；v.做苦工，操劳 | |
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passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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glade
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| n.林间空地，一片表面有草的沼泽低地 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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contingency
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| n.意外事件，可能性 | |
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doomed
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| 命定的 | |
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soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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impending
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| a.imminent, about to come or happen | |
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