It was strange that Myra did not write, were it only a line. It was so unlike her. How often this occurred to Endymion during his wearisome and anxious travel! When the coach reached Hurstley, he found Mr. Penruddock waiting for him. Before he could inquire after his father, that gentleman said, “Myra is at the rectory; you are to come on there.”
“And my father?”——
“Matters are critical,” said Mr. Penruddock, as it were avoiding a direct answer, and hastening his pace.
It was literally1 not a five minutes’ walk from the village inn to the rectory, and they walked in silence. The rector took Endymion at once into his study; for we can hardly call it a library, though some shelves of books were there, and many stuffed birds.
The rector closed the door with care, and looked distressed2; and, beckoning3 to Endymion to be seated, he said, while still standing4 and half turning away his head, “My dear boy, prepare yourself for the worst.”
“Ah! he is gone then! my dear, dear father!” and Endymion burst into passionate5 tears, and leant on the table, his face hid in his hands.
The rector walked up and down the room with an agitated6 countenance7. He could not deny, it would seem, the inference of Endymion; and yet he did not proffer8 those consolations9 which might be urged, and which it became one in his capacity peculiarly to urge.
“I must see Myra,” said Endymion eagerly, looking up with a wild air and streaming eyes.
“Not yet,” said the rector; “she is much disturbed. Your poor father is no more; it is too true; but,” and here the rector hesitated, “he did not die happily.”
“What do you mean?” said Endymion.
“Your poor father had much to try him,” said the rector. “His life, since he was amongst us here, was a life, for him, of adversity—perhaps of great adversity—yet he bore up against it with a Christian10 spirit; he never repined. There was much that was noble and exalted11 in his character. But he never overcame the loss of your dear mother. He was never himself afterwards. He was not always master of himself. I could bear witness to that,” said the rector, talking, as it were, to himself. “Yes; I could conscientiously12 give evidence to that effect”——
“What effect?” asked Endymion, with a painful scrutiny13.
“I could show,” said the rector, speaking slowly, and in a low voice, “and others could show, that he was not master of himself when he committed the rash act.”
“O Mr. Penruddock!” exclaimed Endymion, starting from his chair, and seizing the rector by the arm. “What is all this?”
“That a great sorrow has come upon you, and your sister, and all of us,” said Mr. Penruddock; “and you, and she, and all of us must bow before the Divine will in trembling, though in hope. Your father’s death was not natural.”
Such was the end of William Pitt Ferrars, on whom nature, opportunity, and culture appeared to have showered every advantage. His abilities were considerable, his ambition greater. Though intensely worldly, he was not devoid14 of affections. He found refuge in suicide, as many do, from want of imagination. The present was too hard for him, and his future was only a chaotic15 nebula16.
Endymion did not see his sister that evening. She was not made aware of his arrival, and was alone with Mrs. Penruddock, who never left her night or day. The rector took charge of her brother, and had a sofa-bed made for him in the kind man’s room. He was never to be alone. Never the whole night did Endymion close his eyes; and he was almost as much agitated about the impending17 interview with Myra, as about the dark event of terror that had been disclosed to him.
Yet that dreaded18 interview must take place; and, about noon, the rector told him that Myra was in the drawing-room alone, and would receive him. He tottered19 as he crossed the hall; grief and physical exhaustion20 had unmanned him; his eyes were streaming with tears; he paused for a moment with his hand upon the door; he dreaded the anguish21 of her countenance.
She advanced and embraced him with tenderness; her face was grave, and not a tear even glistened22.
“I have been living in a tragedy for years,” said Myra, in a low, hollow voice; “and the catastrophe23 has now arrived.”
“Oh, my dear father!” exclaimed Endymion; and he burst into a renewed paroxysm of grief.
“Yes; he was dear to us, and we were dear to him,” said Myra; “but the curtain has fallen. We have to exert ourselves. Energy and self-control were never more necessary to two human beings than to us. Here are his keys; his papers must be examined by no one but ourselves. There is a terrible ceremony taking place, or impending. When it is all over, we must visit the hall at least once more.”
The whole neighbourhood was full of sorrow for the event, and of sympathy for those bereft24. It was universally agreed that Mr. Ferrars had never recovered the death of his wife; had never been the same man after it; had become distrait25, absent, wandering in his mind, and the victim of an invincible26 melancholy27. Several instances were given of his inability to manage his affairs. The jury, with Farmer Thornberry for foreman, hesitated not in giving a becoming verdict. In those days information travelled slowly. There were no railroads then, and no telegraphs, and not many clubs. A week elapsed before the sad occurrence was chronicled in a provincial28 paper, and another week before the report was reproduced in London, and then in an obscure corner of the journal, and in small print. Everything gets about at last, and the world began to stare and talk; but it passed unnoticed to the sufferers, except by a letter from Zenobia, received at Hurstley after Myra had departed from her kind friends. Zenobia was shocked, nay29, overwhelmed, by what she had heard; wanted to know if she could be of use; offered to do anything; begged Myra to come and stay with her in St. James’ Square; and assured her that, if that were not convenient, when her mourning was over Zenobia would present her at court, just the same as if she were her own daughter.
When the fatal keys were used, and the papers of Mr. Ferrars examined, it turned out worse than even Myra, in her darkest prescience, had anticipated. Her father had died absolutely penniless. As executor of his father, the funds settled on his wife had remained under his sole control, and they had entirely30 disappeared. There was a letter addressed to Myra on this subject. She read it with a pale face, said nothing, and without showing it to Endymion, destroyed it. There was to be an immediate31 sale of their effects at the hall. It was calculated that the expenses of the funeral and all the country bills might be defrayed by its proceeds.
“And there will be enough left for me,” said Myra. “I only want ten pounds; for I have ascertained32 that there is no part of England where ten pounds will not take me.”
Endymion sighed and nearly wept when she said these things. “No,” he would add; “we must never part.”
“That would ensure our common ruin,” said Myra. “No; I will never embarrass you with a sister. You can only just subsist33; for you could not well live in a garret, except at the Rodneys’. I see my way,” said Myra; “I have long meditated34 over this—I can draw, I can sing, I can speak many tongues: I ought to be able to get food and clothing; I may get something more. And I shall always be content; for I shall always be thinking of you. However humble35 even my lot, if my will is concentrated on one purpose, it must ultimately effect it. That is my creed,” she said, “and I hold it fervently36. I will stay with these dear people for a little while. They are not exactly the family on which I ought to trespass37. But never mind. You will be a great man some day, Endymion, and you will remember the good Penruddocks.”
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literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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beckoning
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| adj.引诱人的，令人心动的v.（用头或手的动作）示意，召唤( beckon的现在分词 ) | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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proffer
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| v.献出，赠送；n.提议，建议 | |
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consolations
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| n.安慰，慰问( consolation的名词复数 )；起安慰作用的人（或事物） | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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exalted
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| adj.(地位等)高的，崇高的；尊贵的，高尚的 | |
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conscientiously
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| adv.凭良心地；认真地，负责尽职地；老老实实 | |
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scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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devoid
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| adj.全无的，缺乏的 | |
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chaotic
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| adj.混沌的，一片混乱的，一团糟的 | |
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nebula
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| n.星云，喷雾剂 | |
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impending
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| a.imminent, about to come or happen | |
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dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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tottered
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| v.走得或动得不稳( totter的过去式和过去分词 )；踉跄；蹒跚；摇摇欲坠 | |
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exhaustion
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| n.耗尽枯竭，疲惫，筋疲力尽，竭尽，详尽无遗的论述 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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glistened
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| v.湿物闪耀，闪亮( glisten的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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catastrophe
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| n.大灾难，大祸 | |
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bereft
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distrait
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| adj.心不在焉的 | |
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invincible
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| adj.不可征服的，难以制服的 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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provincial
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| adj.省的，地方的；n．外省人，乡下人 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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ascertained
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| v.弄清，确定，查明( ascertain的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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subsist
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| vi.生存，存在，供养 | |
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meditated
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| 深思，沉思，冥想( meditate的过去式和过去分词 )； 内心策划，考虑 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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fervently
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| adv.热烈地，热情地，强烈地 | |
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trespass
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| n./v.侵犯，闯入私人领地 | |
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