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Chapter 6
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MY state of mind regarding the pilfering1 from which I had been so unexpectedly exonerated2, did not impel3 me to frank disclosure; but I hope it had some dregs of good at the bottom of it.
I do not recall that I felt any tenderness of conscience in reference to Mrs Joe, when the fear of being found out was lifted off me. But I loved Joe - perhaps for no better reason in those early days than because the dear fellow let me love him - and, as to him, my inner self was not so easily composed. It was much upon my mind (particularly when I first saw him looking about for his file) that I ought to tell Joe the whole truth. Yet I did not, and for the reason that I mistrusted that if I did, he would think me worse than I was. The fear of losing Joe's confidence, and of thenceforth sitting in the chimney-corner at night staring drearily5 at my for ever lost companion and friend, tied up my tongue. I morbidly6 represented to myself that if Joe knew it, I never afterwards could see him at the fireside feeling his fair whisker, without thinking that he was meditating7 on it. That, if Joe knew it, I never afterwards could see him glance, however casually8, at yesterday's meat or pudding when it came on to-day's table, without thinking that he was debating whether I had been in the pantry. That, if Joe knew it, and at any subsequent period of our joint9 domestic life remarked that his beer was flat or thick, the conviction that he suspected Tar4 in it, would bring a rush of blood to my face. In a word, I was too cowardly to do what I knew to be right, as I had been too cowardly to avoid doing what I knew to be wrong. I had had no intercourse10 with the world at that time, and I imitated none of its many inhabitants who act in this manner. Quite an untaught genius, I made the discovery of the line of action for myself.

As I was sleepy before we were far away from the prison-ship, Joe took me on his back again and carried me home. He must have had a tiresome11 journey of it, for Mr Wopsle, being knocked up, was in such a very bad temper that if the Church had been thrown open, he would probably have excommunicated the whole expedition, beginning with Joe and myself. In his lay capacity, he persisted in sitting down in the damp to such an insane extent, that when his coat was taken off to be dried at the kitchen fire, the circumstantial evidence on his trousers would have hanged him if it had been a capital offence.

By that time, I was staggering on the kitchen floor like a little drunkard, through having been newly set upon my feet, and through having been fast asleep, and through waking in the heat and lights and noise of tongues. As I came to myself (with the aid of a heavy thump12 between the shoulders, and the restorative exclamation13 `Yah! Was there ever such a boy as this!' from my sister), I found Joe telling then about the convict's confession14, and all the visitors suggesting different ways by which he had got into the pantry. Mr Pumblechook made out, after carefully surveying the premises15, that he had first got upon the roof of the forge, and had then got upon the roof of the house, and had then let himself down the kitchen chimney by a rope made of his bedding cut into strips; and as Mr Pumblechook was very positive and drove his own chaise-cart - over everybody - it was agreed that it must be so. Mr Wopsle, indeed, wildly cried out `No!' with the feeble malice16 of a tried man; but, as he had no theory, and no coat on, he was unanimously set at nought17 - not to mention his smoking hard behind, as he stood with his back to the kitchen fire to draw the damp out: which was not calculated to inspire confidence.

This was all I heard that night before my sister clutched me, as a slumberous18 offence to the company's eyesight, and assisted me up to bed with such a strong hand that I seemed to have fifty boots on, and to be dangling19 them all against the edges of the stairs. My state of mind, as I have described it, began before I was up in the morning, and lasted long after the subject had died out, and had ceased to be mentioned saving on exceptional occasions.

 

我由于偷窃而形成的心态及精神负担在意想不到的情况下消除了。当然,我原来也并未想到一定要坦白承认,不管怎样我总以为,归根结底我的出发点还是有点儿善意的。

原来担心偷窃被发现的心态既已消除,我也不再去考虑良心上有什么对不起姐姐。然而,我喜欢乔。究竟为什么喜欢他,我说不出理由,也许当时人太小了,总之,我觉得他是个值得我爱的可爱的人。一想到他,我的内心便深感不安而局促。我心里一直有一个念头,特别是在乔第一次寻找他那把锉子时,我就想把事情的全部真相告诉他。但是,我没有对他和盘托出,因为我担心如果以实情相告,他就会把我想得很坏,而我却不至于如此。我所担心的是失去乔对我的信赖,从而使自己每晚孤独地坐在火炉边,干着急地瞅着我这位永远失去的同伴和朋友。所以,我决定闭口不言。我病态地以为,一旦乔知道了内情,以后只要他坐在炉火边用手抚摸着美丽的连鬓胡子,就会思索到这件事;以为一旦他知道了内情,无论在什么时候,只要发现昨天的菜肴和布丁放在今天的餐桌上,他就会在心中思考一阵,我是不是进过食品间;以为一旦他知道了内情,在我们以后的日子里,家庭生活必然蒙上一层阴影,他一饮啤酒就会考虑是浓是淡,是不是加进了柏油水,自然也就会把我的脸闹得个通红。总而言之,我因为胆子太小,而不敢做本来是对的事情,就像当初因为我胆子太小,而不敢不做本来是不对的事情。当时,我和整个外部的大千世界没有打过交道。社会中有各式各样按照自己行为处世的人,然而我也没有把谁当作认可的榜样。我完全是一个自学而成的天才,我的处世之道与行为准则都是我自己的创造发明。

我们离开监狱船还没有走多少路,我便感到十分困倦,于是乔又把我背在身上,一直把我背到家。一路上,乔确实是够累的了,这从沃甫赛先生的举动中可以看出来。沃甫赛先生因为过分疲劳而用发火来出气,其火气大得如果教堂已经实行开放政策由他掌握,他一定会把所有参加这次活动的人开除出教籍,而且先拿乔和我开刀。然而,他只不过是一个世俗之人,能量有限,所以只能坐在潮湿的沼泽地上,气也无用。等到了我们家时,他才把自己的外衣从身上脱下来,放在厨房的火炉上烤干。如果参加看热闹也能定死罪的话,那么从他湿了裤子这件事上推论而得到的间接证据准能把他送上绞刑架。

这时候,由于原来沉沉地睡在乔的背上,刚刚被放到地板上,在温暖的火光和嘈杂的人声中醒转过来,所以我就像一个小醉鬼一样,跌跌撞撞的,差点摔在地上。我正懵懵懂懂之时,幸亏我姐姐在我背后的两肩之间狠狠地揍了一拳,又夺命地大喝一声:“啊!世上哪里有你这种孩子!”这才清醒了头脑。一醒过来,我便发现乔正在绘声绘色地给他们讲罪犯的坦白交待,客人们都在猜测这个犯人究竟是怎样进入食品间偷猪肉馅饼的,各执一词。彭波契克先生详详细细地察看了一番屋子的内部,说这个犯人首先攀登上铁匠铺的屋顶,再爬到我们住屋的上面,然后将被单布条结成的绳子从厨房的烟囱里丢下来,顺绳而进。彭波契克先生说得十分肯定,何况他有自己的马车,总比别人高明一些,大家当然都附和他赞成他,认为犯人就是这样进来的。只有沃甫赛先生敢于提出不同意见,狂乱地叫着“不对!”他疲惫已极,言语中带着无力的怨恨,评说起来不能头头是道,缺乏理论,而且连件像样的大衣都没有,大家都不把他放在心中。何况他这时正背靠着火炉站在那里,烤着湿透的衣服,背后冒出蒸发出来的热气。大家一看他的这副样子,自然不会信任他。

那天晚上我听到的就是这些,接着我姐姐怕我这副睡眼惺松的样子有碍客人们的谈话,就走过来一把揪住了我,蛮横粗暴地拖我上楼睡觉。而我就像穿了五十双靴子似的迈不动沉重的脚步,在楼梯上一直晃晃悠悠、跌跌撞撞的。正如前面所叙述过的,我的心态是心有余悸。第二天早晨还没有起床,我就开始产生了这种顾虑,而且持续了好一段时期。一直等到大家把这件事忘记,除了在个别场合,也都不再谈论它,我的心才如释重负。


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1 pilfering 0b02d36f000e8266b62a74801aec6a11     
v.偷窃(小东西),小偷( pilfer的现在分词 );偷窃(一般指小偷小摸)
参考例句:
  • He was caught pilfering. 他行窃时被抓个正着。
  • Pilfering has stopped entirely since they put Angus in charge of the stores. 自从他们让安格斯掌管商店以来,小偷小摸就杜绝了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
2 exonerated a20181989844e1ecc905ba688f235077     
v.使免罪,免除( exonerate的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • The police report exonerated Lewis from all charges of corruption. 警方的报告免除了对刘易斯贪污的所有指控。
  • An investigation exonerated the school from any blame. 一项调查证明该学校没有任何过失。 来自辞典例句
3 impel NaLxG     
v.推动;激励,迫使
参考例句:
  • Financial pressures impel the firm to cut back on spending.财政压力迫使公司减少开支。
  • The progress in science and technical will powerfully impel the education's development.科学和技术的进步将有力地推动教育的发展。
4 tar 1qOwD     
n.柏油,焦油;vt.涂或浇柏油/焦油于
参考例句:
  • The roof was covered with tar.屋顶涂抹了一层沥青。
  • We use tar to make roads.我们用沥青铺路。
5 drearily a9ac978ac6fcd40e1eeeffcdb1b717a2     
沉寂地,厌倦地,可怕地
参考例句:
  • "Oh, God," thought Scarlett drearily, "that's just the trouble. "啊,上帝!" 思嘉沮丧地想,"难就难在这里呀。
  • His voice was utterly and drearily expressionless. 他的声调,阴沉沉的,干巴巴的,完全没有感情。
6 morbidly 0a1798ce947f18fc75a423bf03dcbdba     
adv.病态地
参考例句:
  • As a result, the mice became morbidly obese and diabetic. 结果,老鼠呈现为病态肥胖和糖尿病。 来自互联网
  • He was morbidly fascinated by dead bodies. 他对尸体着魔到近乎病态的程度。 来自互联网
7 meditating hoKzDp     
a.沉思的,冥想的
参考例句:
  • They were meditating revenge. 他们在谋划进行报复。
  • The congressman is meditating a reply to his critics. 这位国会议员正在考虑给他的批评者一个答复。
8 casually UwBzvw     
adv.漠不关心地,无动于衷地,不负责任地
参考例句:
  • She remarked casually that she was changing her job.她当时漫不经心地说要换工作。
  • I casually mentioned that I might be interested in working abroad.我不经意地提到我可能会对出国工作感兴趣。
9 joint m3lx4     
adj.联合的,共同的;n.关节,接合处;v.连接,贴合
参考例句:
  • I had a bad fall,which put my shoulder out of joint.我重重地摔了一跤,肩膀脫臼了。
  • We wrote a letter in joint names.我们联名写了封信。
10 intercourse NbMzU     
n.性交;交流,交往,交际
参考例句:
  • The magazine becomes a cultural medium of intercourse between the two peoples.该杂志成为两民族间文化交流的媒介。
  • There was close intercourse between them.他们过往很密。
11 tiresome Kgty9     
adj.令人疲劳的,令人厌倦的
参考例句:
  • His doubts and hesitations were tiresome.他的疑惑和犹豫令人厌烦。
  • He was tiresome in contending for the value of his own labors.他老为他自己劳动的价值而争强斗胜,令人生厌。
12 thump sq2yM     
v.重击,砰然地响;n.重击,重击声
参考例句:
  • The thief hit him a thump on the head.贼在他的头上重击一下。
  • The excitement made her heart thump.她兴奋得心怦怦地跳。
13 exclamation onBxZ     
n.感叹号,惊呼,惊叹词
参考例句:
  • He could not restrain an exclamation of approval.他禁不住喝一声采。
  • The author used three exclamation marks at the end of the last sentence to wake up the readers.作者在文章的最后一句连用了三个惊叹号,以引起读者的注意。
14 confession 8Ygye     
n.自白,供认,承认
参考例句:
  • Her confession was simply tantamount to a casual explanation.她的自白简直等于一篇即席说明。
  • The police used torture to extort a confession from him.警察对他用刑逼供。
15 premises 6l1zWN     
n.建筑物,房屋
参考例句:
  • According to the rules,no alcohol can be consumed on the premises.按照规定,场内不准饮酒。
  • All repairs are done on the premises and not put out.全部修缮都在家里进行,不用送到外面去做。
16 malice P8LzW     
n.恶意,怨恨,蓄意;[律]预谋
参考例句:
  • I detected a suggestion of malice in his remarks.我觉察出他说的话略带恶意。
  • There was a strong current of malice in many of his portraits.他的许多肖像画中都透着一股强烈的怨恨。
17 nought gHGx3     
n./adj.无,零
参考例句:
  • We must bring their schemes to nought.我们必须使他们的阴谋彻底破产。
  • One minus one leaves nought.一减一等于零。
18 slumberous UElzT     
a.昏昏欲睡的
参考例句:
  • Lord Henry turned and looked at the duchess with his slumberous eyes. 亨利勋爵转过头来,用倦怠的眼睛望着公爵夫人。
19 dangling 4930128e58930768b1c1c75026ebc649     
悬吊着( dangle的现在分词 ); 摆动不定; 用某事物诱惑…; 吊胃口
参考例句:
  • The tooth hung dangling by the bedpost, now. 结果,那颗牙就晃来晃去吊在床柱上了。
  • The children sat on the high wall,their legs dangling. 孩子们坐在一堵高墙上,摇晃着他们的双腿。


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