‘A woman, naturally born to fears.’ — King John.
‘Methinks
Some unborn sorrow, ripe in fortune’s womb,
Is coming towards me; and my inward soul
With nothing trembles.’ — King Richard II.
MATTHEW JERMYN approached Mrs Transome taking off his hat and smiling. She did not smile, but said — ‘You knew Harold was not at home?’
‘Yes; I came to see you, to know if you had any wishes that I could further, since I have not had an opportunity of consulting you since he came home.’
‘Let us walk towards the Rookery, then.’
They turned together, Mr Jermyn still keeping his hat off and holding it behind him; the air was so soft and agreeable that Mrs Transome herself had nothing but a large veil over her head.
They walked for a little while in silence till they were out of sight, under tall trees, and treading noiselessly on fallen leaves. What Jermyn was really most anxious about, was to learn from Mrs Transome whether anything had transpired1 that was significant of Harold’s disposition2 towards him, which he suspected to be very far from friendly. Jermyn was not naturally flinty-hearted: at five-and-twenty he had written verses, and had got himself wet through in order not to disappoint a dark-eyed woman whom he was proud to believe in love with him; but a family man with grown-up sons and daughters, a man with a professional position and complicated affairs that make it hard to ascertain3 the exact relation between property and liabilities, necessarily thinks of himself and what may be impending4.
‘Harold is remarkably5 acute and clever,’ he began at last, since Mrs Transome did not speak. ‘If he gets into parliament, I have no doubt he will distinguish himself. He has a quick eye for business of all kinds.’
‘That is no comfort to me,’ said Mrs Transome. To-day she was more conscious than usual of that bitterness which was always in her mind in Jermyn’s presence, but which was carefully suppressed: — suppressed because she could not endure that the degradation6 she inwardly felt should ever become visible or audible in acts or words of her own — should ever be reflected in any word or look of his. For years there had been a deep silence about the past between them: on her side, because she remembered; on his, because he more and more forgot.
‘I trust he is not unkind to you in any way. I know his opinions pain you; but I trust you find him in everything else disposed to be a good son.’
‘O, to be sure — good as men are disposed to be to women, giving them cushions and carriages, and recommending them to enjoy themselves, and then expecting them to be contented7 under contempt and neglect. I have no power over him — remember that — none.’
Jermyn turned to look in Mrs Transome’s face: it was long since he had heard her speak to him as if she were losing her self-command.
‘Has he shown any unpleasant feeling about your management of the affairs?’
‘My management of the affairs?’ Mrs Transome said, with concentrated rage, flashing a fierce look at Jermyn. She checked herself: she felt as if she were lighting9 a torch to flare10 on her own past folly11 and misery12. It was a resolve which had become a habit, that she would never quarrel with this man — never tell him what she saw him to be. She had kept her woman’s pride and sensibility intact: through all her life there had vibrated the maiden13 need to have her hand kissed and be the object of chivalry14. And so she sank into silence again, trembling.
Jermyn felt annoyed — nothing more. There was nothing in his mind corresponding to the intricate meshes15 of sensitiveness in Mrs Transome’s. He was anything but stupid; yet he always blundered when he wanted to be delicate or magnanimous; he constantly sought to soothe16 others by praising himself. Moral vulgarity cleaved17 to him like an hereditary18 odour. He blundered now.
‘My dear Mrs Transome,’ he said in a tone of bland19 kindness, ‘you are agitated20 — you appear angry with me. Yet I think, if you consider, you will see that you have nothing to complain of in me, unless you will complain of the inevitable21 course of man’s life. I have always met your wishes both in happy circumstances and in unhappy ones. I should be ready to do so now, if it were possible.’
Every sentence was as pleasant to her as if it had been cut in her bared arm. Some men’s kindness and love-making are more exasperating22, more humiliating than others’ derision; but the pitiable woman who has once made herself secretly dependent on a man who is beneath her in feeling, must bear that humiliation23 for fear of worse. Coarse kindness is at least better than coarse anger; and in all private quarrels the duller nature is triumphant24 by reason of its dulness. Mrs Transome knew in her inmost soul that those relations which had sealed her lips on Jermyn’s conduct in business matters, had been with him a ground for presuming that he should have impunity25 in any lax dealing26 into which circumstances had led him. She knew that she herself had endured all the more privation because of his dishonest selfishness. And now, Harold’s long-deferred heirship27, and his return with startlingly unexpected penetration28, activity, and assertion of mastery, had placed them both in the full presence of a difficulty which had been prepared by the years of vague uncertainty29 as to issues. In this position, with a great dread30 hanging over her, which Jermyn knew, and ought to have felt that he had caused her, she was inclined to lash8 him with indignation, to scorch31 him with the words that were just the fit names for his doings — inclined all the more when he spoke32 with an insolent33 blandness34, ignoring all that was truly in her heart. But no sooner did the words ‘You have brought it on me’ rise within her than she heard within also the retort, ‘You brought it on yourself.’ Not for all the world beside could she bear to hear that retort uttered from without. What did she do? With strange sequence to all that rapid tumult35, after a few moments’ silence she said, in a gentle and almost tremulous voice — ‘Let me take your arm.’
He gave it immediately, putting on his hat and wondering. For more than twenty years Mrs Transome had never chosen to take his arm.
‘I have but one thing to ask. Make me a promise.’
‘What is it?’
‘That you will never quarrel with Harold.’
‘You must know that it is my wish not to quarrel with him.’
‘But make a vow36 — fix it in your mind as a thing not to be done. Bear anything from him rather than quarrel with him.
‘A man can’t make a vow not to quarrel,’ said Jermyn, who was already a little irritated by the implication that Harold might be disposed to use him roughly. ‘A man’s temper may get the better of him at any moment. I am not prepared to bear anything.’
‘Good God!’ said Mrs Transome, taking her hand from his arm,’ is it possible you don’t feel how horrible it would be?’
As she took away her hand, Jermyn let his arm fall, put both his hands in his pockets, and shrugging his shoulders said, ‘I shall use him as he uses me.’
Jermyn had turned round his savage37 side, and the blandness was out of sight. It was this that had always frightened Mrs Transome: there was a possibility of fierce insolence38 in this man who was to pass with those nearest to her as her indebted servant, but whose brand she secretly bore. She was as powerless with him as she was with her son.
This woman, who loved rule, dared not speak another word of attempted persuasion40. They were both silent, taking the nearest way into the sunshine again. There was a half-formed wish in both their minds — even in the mother’s — that Harold Transome had never been born.
‘We are working hard for the election,’ said Jermyn, recovering himself, as they turned into the sunshine again. ‘I think we shall get him returned, and in that case he will be in high good-humour. Everything will be more propitious41 than you are apt to think. You must persuade yourself,’ he added, smiling at her, ‘that it is better for a man of his position to be in parliament on the wrong side than not be in at all.’
‘Never,’ said Mrs Transome. ‘I am too old to learn to call bitter sweet and sweet bitter. But what I may think or feel is of no consequence now. I am as unnecessary as a chimney ornament42.’
And in this way they parted on the gravel43, in that pretty scene where they had met. Mrs Transome shivered as she stood alone: all around her, where there had once been brightness and warmth, there were white ashes, and the sunshine looked dreary44 as it fell on them.
Mr Jermyn’s heaviest reflections in riding homeward turned on the possibility of incidents between himself and Harold Transome which would have disagreeable results, requiring him to raise money, and perhaps causing scandal, which in its way might also help to create a monetary45 deficit46. A man of sixty, with a wife whose Duffield connections were of the highest respectability, with a family of tall daughters, an expensive establishment, and a large professional business, owed a great deal more to himself as the mainstay of all those solidities, than to feelings and ideas which were quite unsubstantial. There were many unfortunate coincidences which placed Mr Jermyn in an uncomfortable position just now; he had not been much to blame, he considered; if it had not been for a sudden turn of affairs no one would have complained. He defied any man to say that he had intended to wrong people; he was able to refund47, to make reprisals48, if they could be fairly demanded. Only he would certainly have preferred that they should not be demanded.
A German poet was intrusted with a particularly fine sausage, which he was to convey to the donor’s friend at Paris. In the course of the long journey he smelt49 the sausage; he got hungry, and desired to taste it; he pared a morsel50 off, then another, and another, in successive moments of temptation, till at last the sausage was, humanly speaking, at an end. The offence had not been premeditated. The poet had never loved meanness, but he loved sausage; and the result was undeniably awkward.
So it was with Matthew Jermyn. He was far from liking51 that ugly abstraction rascality52, but he had liked other things which had suggested nibbling53. He had had to do many things in law and in daily life which, in the abstract, he would have condemned54; and indeed he had never been tempted39 by them in the abstract. Here, in fact, was the inconvenience; he had sinned for the sake of particular concrete things, and particular concrete consequences were likely to follow.
But he was a man of resolution, who, having made out what was the best course to take under a difficulty, went straight to his work. The election must be won: that would put Harold in good-humour, give him something to do, and leave himself more time to prepare for any crisis.
He was in anything but low spirits that evening. It was his eldest55 daughter’s birthday, and the young people had a dance. Papa was delightful56 — stood up for a quadrille and a country-dance, told stories at supper, and made humorous quotations57 from his early readings: if these were Latin, he apologised, and translated to the ladies; so that a deaf lady-visitor from Duffield kept her trumpet58 up continually, lest she should lose any of Mr Jermyn’s conversation, and wished that her niece Maria had been present, who was young and had a good memory.
Still the party was smaller than usual, for some families in Treby refused to visit Jermyn, now that he was concerned for a Radical59 candidate.
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1
transpired
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| （事实，秘密等）被人知道( transpire的过去式和过去分词 )； 泄露； 显露； 发生 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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ascertain
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| vt.发现，确定，查明，弄清 | |
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4
impending
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| a.imminent, about to come or happen | |
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5
remarkably
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| ad.不同寻常地，相当地 | |
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6
degradation
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| n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变 | |
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7
contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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lash
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| v.系牢；鞭打；猛烈抨击；n.鞭打；眼睫毛 | |
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lighting
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| n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光 | |
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flare
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| v.闪耀，闪烁；n.潮红；突发 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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12
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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13
maiden
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| n.少女，处女；adj.未婚的，纯洁的，无经验的 | |
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14
chivalry
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| n.骑士气概，侠义；（男人）对女人彬彬有礼，献殷勤 | |
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meshes
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| 网孔( mesh的名词复数 )； 网状物； 陷阱； 困境 | |
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16
soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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17
cleaved
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| v.劈开，剁开，割开( cleave的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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18
hereditary
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| adj.遗传的，遗传性的，可继承的，世袭的 | |
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bland
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| adj.淡而无味的，温和的，无刺激性的 | |
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20
agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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21
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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22
exasperating
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| adj. 激怒的 动词exasperate的现在分词形式 | |
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23
humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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24
triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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25
impunity
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| n.(惩罚、损失、伤害等的)免除 | |
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26
dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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27
heirship
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| n.继承权 | |
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28
penetration
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| n.穿透，穿人，渗透 | |
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29
uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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30
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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31
scorch
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| v.烧焦，烤焦；高速疾驶；n.烧焦处，焦痕 | |
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32
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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33
insolent
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| adj.傲慢的，无理的 | |
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34
blandness
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| n.温柔，爽快 | |
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35
tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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36
vow
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| n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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38
insolence
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| n.傲慢；无礼；厚颜；傲慢的态度 | |
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39
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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40
persuasion
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| n.劝说；说服；持有某种信仰的宗派 | |
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41
propitious
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| adj.吉利的；顺利的 | |
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42
ornament
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| v.装饰，美化；n.装饰，装饰物 | |
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43
gravel
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| n.砂跞；砂砾层；结石 | |
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44
dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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45
monetary
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| adj.货币的，钱的；通货的；金融的；财政的 | |
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deficit
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| n.亏空，亏损；赤字，逆差 | |
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47
refund
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| v.退还，偿还；n.归还，偿还额，退款 | |
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48
reprisals
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| n.报复（行为）( reprisal的名词复数 ) | |
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49
smelt
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| v.熔解，熔炼；n.银白鱼，胡瓜鱼 | |
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50
morsel
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| n.一口，一点点 | |
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51
liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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52
rascality
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| 流氓性，流氓集团 | |
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53
nibbling
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| v.啃，一点一点地咬（吃）( nibble的现在分词 )；啃出（洞），一点一点咬出（洞）；慢慢减少；小口咬 | |
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54
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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55
eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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56
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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57
quotations
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| n.引用( quotation的名词复数 )；[商业]行情（报告）；（货物或股票的）市价；时价 | |
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58
trumpet
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| n.喇叭，喇叭声；v.吹喇叭，吹嘘 | |
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59
radical
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| n.激进份子，原子团，根号；adj.根本的，激进的，彻底的 | |
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