Chapter 32

‘Go from me. Yet I feel that I shall stand

Henceforward in thy shadow. Never more

Alone upon the threshold of my door

Of individual life, I shall command

The uses of my soul, nor lift my hand

Serenely¹ in the sunshine as before

Without the sense of that which I forbore —

Thy touch upon the palm. The widest land

Doom² takes to part us, leaves thy heart in mine

With pulses that beat double. What I do

And what I dream include thee, as the wine

Must taste of its own grapes. And when I sue

God for myself, He hears that name of thine,

And sees within my eyes the tears of two.’

MRS BROWNING.

FELIX HOLT, seated at his work without his pupils, who had asked for a holiday with a notion that the wooden booths promised some sort of show, noticed about eleven o’clock that the noises which reached him from the main street were getting more and more tumultuous. He had long seen bad auguries³ for this election, but, like all people who dread⁴ the prophetic wisdom that ends in desiring the fulfilment of its own evil forebodings, he had checked himself with remembering that, though many conditions were possible which might bring on violence, there were just as many which might avert⁵ it. There would, perhaps, be no other mischief⁶ than what he was already certain of. With these thoughts he had sat down quietly to his work, meaning not to vex⁷ his soul by going to look on at things he would fain have made different if he could. But he was of a fibre that vibrated too strongly to the life around him to shut himself away in quiet, even from suffering and irremediable wrong. As the noises grew louder, and wrought⁸ more and more strongly on his imagination, he was obliged to lay down his delicate wheel-work. His mother came from her turnip-paring in the kitchen, where little Job was her companion, to observe that they must be killing⁹ everybody in the High Street, and that the election, which had never been before at Treby, must have come for a judgment¹⁰; that there were mercies where you didn’t look for them, and that she thanked God in His wisdom for making her live up a back street.

Felix snatched his cap and rushed out. But when he got to the turning into the market-place the magistrates¹¹ were already on horseback there, the constables¹² were moving about, and Felix observed that there was no strong spirit of resistance to them. He stayed long enough to see the partial dispersion of the crowd and the restoration of tolerable quiet, and then went back to Mrs Holt to tell her that there was nothing to fear now: he was going out again, and she must not be in any anxiety at his absence. She might set by his dinner for him.

Felix had been thinking of Esther and her probable alarm at the noises that must have reached her more distinctly than they had reached him, for Malthouse Yard was removed but a little way from the main street. Mr Lyon was away from home, having been called to preach charity sermons and attend meetings in a distant town; and Esther, with the plaintive¹³ Lyddy for her sole companion, was not cheerfully circumstanced. Felix had not been to see her yet since her father’s departure, but today he gave way to new reasons.

‘Miss Esther was in the garret,’ Lyddy said, trying to see what was going on. But before she was fetched she came running down the stairs, drawn¹⁵ by the knock at the door, which had shaken the small dwelling¹⁶.

‘I am so thankful to see you,’ she said eagerly. ‘Pray come in.’

When she had shut the parlour door behind him, Felix said, ‘I suspected that you might have been made anxious by the noises. I came to tell you that things are quiet now. Though, indeed, you can hear that they are.’

‘I was frightened,’ said Esther. ‘The shouting and roaring of rude men is so hideous¹⁷. It is a relief to me that my father is not at home — that he is out of the reach of any danger he might have fallen into if he had been here. But I gave you credit for being in the midst of the danger,’ she added, smiling, with a determination not to show much feeling. ‘Sit down and tell me what has happened.’

They sat down at the extremities¹⁸ of the old black sofa, and Felix said —

‘To tell you the truth, I had shut myself up, and tried to be as indifferent to the election as if I’d been one of the fishes in the Lapp, till the noises got too strong for me. But I only saw the tail end of the disturbance¹⁹. The poor noisy simpletons seemed to give way before the magistrates and the constables. I hope nobody has been much hurt. The fear is that they may turn out again by-and-by; their giving way so soon may not be altogether a good sign. There’s a great number of heavy fellows in the town. If they go and drink more, the last end may be worse than the first. However —’

Felix broke off, as if this talk were futile²⁰, clasped his hands behind his head, and, leaning backward, looked at Esther, who was looking at him.

‘May I stay here a little while?’ he said, after a moment, which seemed long.

‘Pray do,’ said Esther, colouring. To relieve herself she took some work and bowed her head over her stitching. It was in reality a little heaven to her that Felix was there, but she saw beyond it — saw that by-and-by he would be gone, and that they should be farther on their way, not towards meeting, but parting. His will was impregnable. He was a rock, and she was no more to him than the white clinging mist-cloud.

‘I wish I could be sure that you see things just as I do,’ he said, abruptly²¹, after a minute’s silence.

‘I am sure you see them much more wisely than I do,’ said Esther, almost bitterly, without looking up.

‘There are some people one must wish to judge one truly. Not to wish it would be mere²² hardness. I know you think I am a man without feeling — at least, without strong affections. You think I love nothing but my own resolutions.’

‘Suppose I reply in the same sort of strain?’ said Esther, with a little toss of the head.

‘How?’

‘Why, that you think me a shallow woman, incapable²³ of believing what is best in you, setting down everything that is too high for me as a deficiency.’

‘Don’t parry what I say. Answer me.’ There was an expression of painful beseeching²⁴ in the tone with which Felix said this. Esther let her work fall on her lap and looked at him, but she was unable to speak.

‘I want you to tell me — once — that you know it would be easier to me to give myself up to loving and being loved, as other men do, when they can, than to —’

This breaking-off in speech was something quite new in Felix. For the first time he had lost his self-possession, and turned his eyes away. He was at variance²⁵ with himself. He had begun what he felt that he ought not to finish

Esther, like a woman as she was — a woman waiting for love, never able to ask for it — had her joy in these signs of her power; but they made her generous, not chary²⁶, as they might have done if she had had a pettier disposition²⁷. She said, with deep yet timid earnestness —

‘What you have chosen to do has only convinced me that your love would be the better worth having.’

All the finest part of Esther’s nature trembled in those words. To be right in great memorable²⁸ moments, is perhaps the thing we need most desire for ourselves.

Felix as quick as lightning turned his look upon her again, and, leaning forward, took her sweet hand and held it to his lips some moments before he let it fall again and raised his head.

‘We shall always be the better for thinking of each other,’ he said, leaning his elbow on the back of the sofa, and supporting his head as he looked at her with calm sadness. ‘This thing can never come to me twice over. It is my knight-hood. That was always a business of great cost.’

He smiled at her, but she sat biting her inner lip, and pressing her hands together. She desired to be worthy²⁹ of what she reverenced³⁰ in Felix, but the inevitable³¹ renunciation was too difficult. She saw herself wandering through the future weak and forsaken³². The charming sauciness³³ was all gone from her face, but the memory of it made this child-like dependent sorrow all the more touching³⁴.

‘Tell me what you would —’ Felix burst out, leaning nearer to her; but the next instant he started up, went to the table, took his cap in his hand, and came in front of her.

‘Good-bye,’ he said, very gently, not daring to put out his hand. But Esther put up hers instead of speaking. He just pressed it and then went away.

She heard the doors close behind him, and felt free to be miserable³⁵. She cried bitterly. If she might have married Felix Holt, she could have been a good woman. She felt no trust that she could ever be good without him.

Felix reproached himself. He would have done better not to speak in that way. But the prompting to which he had chiefly listened had been the desire to prove to Esther that he set a high value on her feelings. He could not help seeing that he was very important to her; and he was too simple and sincere a man to ape a sort of humility³⁶ which would not have made him any the better if he had possessed³⁷ it. Such pretences³⁸ turn our lives into sorry dramas. And Felix wished Esther to know that her love was dear to him as the beloved dead are dear. He felt that they must not marry — that they would ruin each other’s lives. But he had longed for her to know fully¹⁴ that his will to be always apart from her was renunciation, not an easy preference. In this he was thoroughly³⁹ generous; and yet, now some subtle, mysterious conjuncture of impressions and circumstances had made him speak, he questioned the wisdom of what he had done. Express confessions⁴⁰ give definiteness to memories that might more easily melt away without them; and Felix felt for Esther’s pain as the strong soldier, who can march on hungering without fear that he shall faint, feels for the young brother — the maiden-cheeked conscript whose load is too heavy for him.

1 serenely   

adv.安详地，宁静地，平静地

参考例句：

• The boat sailed serenely on towards the horizon.小船平稳地向着天水交接处驶去。
• It was a serenely beautiful night.那是一个宁静美丽的夜晚。

2 doom   

n.厄运，劫数；v.注定，命定

参考例句：

• The report on our economic situation is full of doom and gloom.这份关于我们经济状况的报告充满了令人绝望和沮丧的调子。
• The dictator met his doom after ten years of rule.独裁者统治了十年终于完蛋了。

3 auguries   

n.（古罗马）占卜术，占卜仪式( augury的名词复数 )；预兆

参考例句：

• So far, the auguries look gloomy. 但迄今为止，前景似乎不容乐观。 来自互联网

4 dread   

vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧

参考例句：

• We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
• Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。

5 avert   

v.防止，避免；转移(目光、注意力等)

参考例句：

• He managed to avert suspicion.他设法避嫌。
• I would do what I could to avert it.我会尽力去避免发生这种情况。

6 mischief   

n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹

参考例句：

• Nobody took notice of the mischief of the matter. 没有人注意到这件事情所带来的危害。
• He seems to intend mischief.看来他想捣蛋。

7 vex   

vt.使烦恼，使苦恼

参考例句：

• Everything about her vexed him.有关她的一切都令他困惑。
• It vexed me to think of others gossiping behind my back.一想到别人在背后说我闲话，我就很恼火。

8 wrought   

v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的

参考例句：

• Events in Paris wrought a change in British opinion towards France and Germany.巴黎发生的事件改变了英国对法国和德国的看法。
• It's a walking stick with a gold head wrought in the form of a flower.那是一个金质花形包头的拐杖。

9 killing   

n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财

参考例句：

• Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
• Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。

10 judgment   

n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见

参考例句：

• The chairman flatters himself on his judgment of people.主席自认为他审视人比别人高明。
• He's a man of excellent judgment.他眼力过人。

11 magistrates   

地方法官，治安官( magistrate的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• to come up before the magistrates 在地方法院出庭
• He was summoned to appear before the magistrates. 他被传唤在地方法院出庭。

12 constables   

n.警察( constable的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The constables made a desultory attempt to keep them away from the barn. 警察漫不经心地拦着不让他们靠近谷仓。 来自辞典例句
• There were also constables appointed to keep the peace. 城里也有被派来维持治安的基层警员。 来自互联网

13 plaintive   

adj.可怜的，伤心的

参考例句：

• Her voice was small and plaintive.她的声音微弱而哀伤。
• Somewhere in the audience an old woman's voice began plaintive wail.观众席里，一位老太太伤心地哭起来。

14 fully   

adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地

参考例句：

• The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气，然后全部呼出。
• They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。

15 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

16 dwelling   

n.住宅，住所，寓所

参考例句：

• Those two men are dwelling with us.那两个人跟我们住在一起。
• He occupies a three-story dwelling place on the Park Street.他在派克街上有一幢3层楼的寓所。

17 hideous   

adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的

参考例句：

• The whole experience had been like some hideous nightmare.整个经历就像一场可怕的噩梦。
• They're not like dogs,they're hideous brutes.它们不像狗，是丑陋的畜牲。

18 extremities   

n.端点( extremity的名词复数 )；尽头；手和足；极窘迫的境地

参考例句：

• She was most noticeable, I thought, in respect of her extremities. 我觉得她那副穷极可怜的样子实在太惹人注目。 来自辞典例句
• Winters may be quite cool at the northwestern extremities. 西北边区的冬天也可能会相当凉。 来自辞典例句

19 disturbance   

n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调

参考例句：

• He is suffering an emotional disturbance.他的情绪受到了困扰。
• You can work in here without any disturbance.在这儿你可不受任何干扰地工作。

20 futile   

adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的

参考例句：

• They were killed,to the last man,in a futile attack.因为进攻失败，他们全部被杀，无一幸免。
• Their efforts to revive him were futile.他们对他抢救无效。

21 abruptly   

adv.突然地，出其不意地

参考例句：

• He gestured abruptly for Virginia to get in the car.他粗鲁地示意弗吉尼亚上车。
• I was abruptly notified that a half-hour speech was expected of me.我突然被通知要讲半个小时的话。

22 mere   

adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过

参考例句：

• That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
• It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。

23 incapable   

adj.无能力的，不能做某事的

参考例句：

• He would be incapable of committing such a cruel deed.他不会做出这么残忍的事。
• Computers are incapable of creative thought.计算机不会创造性地思维。

24 beseeching   

adj.恳求似的v.恳求，乞求（某事物）( beseech的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• She clung to her father, beseeching him for consent. 她紧紧挨着父亲，恳求他答应。 来自辞典例句
• He casts a beseeching glance at his son. 他用恳求的眼光望着儿子。 来自辞典例句

25 variance   

n.矛盾，不同

参考例句：

• The question of woman suffrage sets them at variance. 妇女参政的问题使他们发生争执。
• It is unnatural for brothers to be at variance. 兄弟之间不睦是不近人情的。

26 chary   

adj.谨慎的，细心的

参考例句：

• She started a chary descent of the stairs.她开始小心翼翼地下楼梯。
• She is chary of strangers.她见到陌生人会害羞。

27 disposition   

n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署

参考例句：

• He has made a good disposition of his property.他已对财产作了妥善处理。
• He has a cheerful disposition.他性情开朗。

28 memorable   

adj.值得回忆的，难忘的，特别的，显著的

参考例句：

• This was indeed the most memorable day of my life.这的确是我一生中最值得怀念的日子。
• The veteran soldier has fought many memorable battles.这个老兵参加过许多难忘的战斗。

29 worthy   

adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。

30 reverenced   

v.尊敬，崇敬( reverence的过去式和过去分词 )；敬礼

参考例句：

• The name of Albert Einstein is still reverenced by the scientists all over the world. 爱因斯坦的名字仍然受到世界各地科学家的崇敬。 来自互联网
• For it is always necessary to be loved, but not always necessary to be reverenced. 一个人总是能得到必要的爱，却不总是能得到必要的尊敬。 来自互联网

31 inevitable   

adj.不可避免的，必然发生的

参考例句：

• Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。
• The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。

32 Forsaken   

adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词

参考例句：

• He was forsaken by his friends. 他被朋友们背弃了。
• He has forsaken his wife and children. 他遗弃了他的妻子和孩子。

33 sauciness   

n.傲慢，鲁莽

参考例句：

34 touching   

adj.动人的，使人感伤的

参考例句：

• It was a touching sight.这是一幅动人的景象。
• His letter was touching.他的信很感人。

35 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

36 humility   

n.谦逊，谦恭

参考例句：

• Humility often gains more than pride.谦逊往往比骄傲收益更多。
• His voice was still soft and filled with specious humility.他的声音还是那么温和，甚至有点谦卑。

37 possessed   

adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的

参考例句：

• He flew out of the room like a man possessed.他像着了魔似地猛然冲出房门。
• He behaved like someone possessed.他行为举止像是魔怔了。

38 pretences   

n.假装( pretence的名词复数 )；作假；自命；自称

参考例句：

• You've brought your old friends out here under false pretences. 你用虚假的名义把你的那些狐朋狗党带到这里来。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
• There are no pretences about him. 他一点不虚伪。 来自辞典例句

39 thoroughly   

adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地

参考例句：

• The soil must be thoroughly turned over before planting.一定要先把土地深翻一遍再下种。
• The soldiers have been thoroughly instructed in the care of their weapons.士兵们都系统地接受过保护武器的训练。

40 confessions   

n.承认( confession的名词复数 )；自首；声明；（向神父的）忏悔

参考例句：

• It is strictly forbidden to obtain confessions and to give them credence. 严禁逼供信。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• Neither trickery nor coercion is used to secure confessions. 既不诱供也不逼供。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》