How a monk1 of Seville saved the close of the abbey from being ransacked2 by the enemy.
So much they did, and so far they went pillaging3 and stealing, that at last they came to Seville, where they robbed both men and women, and took all they could catch: nothing was either too hot or too heavy for them. Although the plague was there in the most part of all the houses, they nevertheless entered everywhere, then plundered4 and carried away all that was within, and yet for all this not one of them took any hurt, which is a most wonderful case. For the curates, vicars, preachers, physicians, chirurgeons, and apothecaries5, who went to visit, to dress, to cure, to heal, to preach unto and admonish6 those that were sick, were all dead of the infection, and these devilish robbers and murderers caught never any harm at all. Whence comes this to pass, my masters? I beseech7 you think upon it. The town being thus pillaged8, they went unto the abbey with a horrible noise and tumult9, but they found it shut and made fast against them. Whereupon the body of the army marched forward towards a pass or ford10 called the Gue de Vede, except seven companies of foot and two hundred lancers, who, staying there, broke down the walls of the close, to waste, spoil, and make havoc11 of all the vines and vintage within that place. The monks12 (poor devils) knew not in that extremity13 to which of all their sancts they should vow14 themselves. Nevertheless, at all adventures they rang the bells ad capitulum capitulantes. There it was decreed that they should make a fair procession, stuffed with good lectures, prayers, and litanies contra hostium insidias, and jolly responses pro16 pace.
There was then in the abbey a claustral monk, called Friar John of the funnels17 and gobbets, in French des entoumeures, young, gallant18, frisk, lusty, nimble, quick, active, bold, adventurous19, resolute20, tall, lean, wide-mouthed, long-nosed, a fair despatcher of morning prayers, unbridler of masses, and runner over of vigils; and, to conclude summarily in a word, a right monk, if ever there was any, since the monking world monked a monkery: for the rest, a clerk even to the teeth in matter of breviary. This monk, hearing the noise that the enemy made within the enclosure of the vineyard, went out to see what they were doing; and perceiving that they were cutting and gathering22 the grapes, whereon was grounded the foundation of all their next year’s wine, returned unto the choir23 of the church where the other monks were, all amazed and astonished like so many bell-melters. Whom when he heard sing, im, nim, pe, ne, ne, ne, ne, nene, tum, ne, num, num, ini, i mi, co, o, no, o, o, neno, ne, no, no, no, rum, nenum, num: It is well shit, well sung, said he. By the virtue24 of God, why do not you sing, Panniers, farewell, vintage is done? The devil snatch me, if they be not already within the middle of our close, and cut so well both vines and grapes, that, by Cod’s body, there will not be found for these four years to come so much as a gleaning25 in it. By the belly26 of Sanct James, what shall we poor devils drink the while? Lord God! da mihi potum. Then said the prior of the convent: What should this drunken fellow do here? let him be carried to prison for troubling the divine service. Nay27, said the monk, the wine service, let us behave ourselves so that it be not troubled; for you yourself, my lord prior, love to drink of the best, and so doth every honest man. Never yet did a man of worth dislike good wine, it is a monastical apophthegm. But these responses that you chant here, by G—, are not in season. Wherefore is it, that our devotions were instituted to be short in the time of harvest and vintage, and long in the advent15, and all the winter? The late friar, Massepelosse, of good memory, a true zealous28 man, or else I give myself to the devil, of our religion, told me, and I remember it well, how the reason was, that in this season we might press and make the wine, and in winter whiff it up. Hark you, my masters, you that love the wine, Cop’s body, follow me; for Sanct Anthony burn me as freely as a faggot, if they get leave to taste one drop of the liquor that will not now come and fight for relief of the vine. Hog’s belly, the goods of the church! Ha, no, no. What the devil, Sanct Thomas of England was well content to die for them; if I died in the same cause, should not I be a sanct likewise? Yes. Yet shall not I die there for all this, for it is I that must do it to others and send them a-packing.
As he spake this he threw off his great monk’s habit, and laid hold upon the staff of the cross, which was made of the heart of a sorbapple-tree, it being of the length of a lance, round, of a full grip, and a little powdered with lilies called flower de luce, the workmanship whereof was almost all defaced and worn out. Thus went he out in a fair long-skirted jacket, putting his frock scarfwise athwart his breast, and in this equipage, with his staff, shaft29 or truncheon of the cross, laid on so lustily, brisk, and fiercely upon his enemies, who, without any order, or ensign, or trumpet30, or drum, were busied in gathering the grapes of the vineyard. For the cornets, guidons, and ensign-bearers had laid down their standards, banners, and colours by the wall sides: the drummers had knocked out the heads of their drums on one end to fill them with grapes: the trumpeters were loaded with great bundles of bunches and huge knots of clusters: in sum, everyone of them was out of array, and all in disorder31. He hurried, therefore, upon them so rudely, without crying gare or beware, that he overthrew32 them like hogs33, tumbled them over like swine, striking athwart and alongst, and by one means or other laid so about him, after the old fashion of fencing, that to some he beat out their brains, to others he crushed their arms, battered34 their legs, and bethwacked their sides till their ribs35 cracked with it. To others again he unjointed the spondyles or knuckles36 of the neck, disfigured their chaps, gashed37 their faces, made their cheeks hang flapping on their chin, and so swinged and balammed them that they fell down before him like hay before a mower38. To some others he spoiled the frame of their kidneys, marred39 their backs, broke their thigh-bones, pashed in their noses, poached out their eyes, cleft40 their mandibles, tore their jaws41, dung in their teeth into their throat, shook asunder42 their omoplates or shoulder-blades, sphacelated their shins, mortified43 their shanks, inflamed44 their ankles, heaved off of the hinges their ishies, their sciatica or hip-gout, dislocated the joints45 of their knees, squattered into pieces the boughts or pestles47 of their thighs48, and so thumped49, mauled and belaboured them everywhere, that never was corn so thick and threefold threshed upon by ploughmen’s flails50 as were the pitifully disjointed members of their mangled51 bodies under the merciless baton52 of the cross. If any offered to hide himself amongst the thickest of the vines, he laid him squat46 as a flounder, bruised53 the ridge54 of his back, and dashed his reins55 like a dog. If any thought by flight to escape, he made his head to fly in pieces by the lamboidal commissure, which is a seam in the hinder part of the skull56. If anyone did scramble57 up into a tree, thinking there to be safe, he rent up his perinee, and impaled58 him in at the fundament. If any of his old acquaintance happened to cry out, Ha, Friar John, my friend Friar John, quarter, quarter, I yield myself to you, to you I render myself! So thou shalt, said he, and must, whether thou wouldst or no, and withal render and yield up thy soul to all the devils in hell; then suddenly gave them dronos, that is, so many knocks, thumps59, raps, dints, thwacks, and bangs, as sufficed to warn Pluto60 of their coming and despatch21 them a-going. If any was so rash and full of temerity61 as to resist him to his face, then was it he did show the strength of his muscles, for without more ado he did transpierce him, by running him in at the breast, through the mediastine and the heart. Others, again, he so quashed and bebumped, that, with a sound bounce under the hollow of their short ribs, he overturned their stomachs so that they died immediately. To some, with a smart souse on the epigaster, he would make their midriff swag, then, redoubling the blow, gave them such a homepush on the navel that he made their puddings to gush62 out. To others through their ballocks he pierced their bumgut, and left not bowel63, tripe64, nor entrail in their body that had not felt the impetuosity, fierceness, and fury of his violence. Believe, that it was the most horrible spectacle that ever one saw. Some cried unto Sanct Barbe, others to St. George. O the holy Lady Nytouch, said one, the good Sanctess; O our Lady of Succours, said another, help, help! Others cried, Our Lady of Cunaut, of Loretto, of Good Tidings, on the other side of the water St. Mary Over. Some vowed65 a pilgrimage to St. James, and others to the holy handkerchief at Chamberry, which three months after that burnt so well in the fire that they could not get one thread of it saved. Others sent up their vows66 to St. Cadouin, others to St. John d’Angely, and to St. Eutropius of Xaintes. Others again invoked67 St. Mesmes of Chinon, St. Martin of Candes, St. Clouaud of Sinays, the holy relics68 of Laurezay, with a thousand other jolly little sancts and santrels. Some died without speaking, others spoke69 without dying; some died in speaking, others spoke in dying. Others shouted as loud as they could Confession70, Confession, Confiteor, Miserere, In manus! So great was the cry of the wounded, that the prior of the abbey with all his monks came forth71, who, when they saw these poor wretches72 so slain73 amongst the vines, and wounded to death, confessed some of them. But whilst the priests were busied in confessing them, the little monkies ran all to the place where Friar John was, and asked him wherein he would be pleased to require their assistance. To which he answered that they should cut the throats of those he had thrown down upon the ground. They presently, leaving their outer habits and cowls upon the rails, began to throttle74 and make an end of those whom he had already crushed. Can you tell with what instruments they did it? With fair gullies, which are little hulchbacked demi-knives, the iron tool whereof is two inches long, and the wooden handle one inch thick, and three inches in length, wherewith the little boys in our country cut ripe walnuts75 in two while they are yet in the shell, and pick out the kernel76, and they found them very fit for the expediting of that weasand-slitting exploit. In the meantime Friar John, with his formidable baton of the cross, got to the breach77 which the enemies had made, and there stood to snatch up those that endeavoured to escape. Some of the monkitos carried the standards, banners, ensigns, guidons, and colours into their cells and chambers78 to make garters of them. But when those that had been shriven would have gone out at the gap of the said breach, the sturdy monk quashed and felled them down with blows, saying, These men have had confession and are penitent79 souls; they have got their absolution and gained the pardons; they go into paradise as straight as a sickle80, or as the way is to Faye (like Crooked-Lane at Eastcheap). Thus by his prowess and valour were discomfited81 all those of the army that entered into the close of the abbey, unto the number of thirteen thousand, six hundred, twenty and two, besides the women and little children, which is always to be understood. Never did Maugis the Hermit82 bear himself more valiantly83 with his bourdon or pilgrim’s staff against the Saracens, of whom is written in the Acts of the four sons of Aymon, than did this monk against his enemies with the staff of the cross.
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monk
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| n.和尚，僧侣，修道士 | |
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ransacked
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| v.彻底搜查( ransack的过去式和过去分词 )；抢劫，掠夺 | |
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pillaging
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| v.抢劫，掠夺( pillage的现在分词 ) | |
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plundered
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| 掠夺，抢劫( plunder的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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apothecaries
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| n.药剂师，药店( apothecary的名词复数 ) | |
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admonish
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| v.训戒；警告；劝告 | |
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beseech
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| v.祈求，恳求 | |
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pillaged
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| v.抢劫，掠夺( pillage的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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Ford
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| n.浅滩，水浅可涉处；v.涉水，涉过 | |
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havoc
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| n.大破坏，浩劫，大混乱，大杂乱 | |
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monks
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| n.修道士，僧侣( monk的名词复数 ) | |
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extremity
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| n.末端，尽头；尽力；终极；极度 | |
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vow
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| n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓 | |
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advent
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| n.(重要事件等的)到来，来临 | |
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pro
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| n.赞成，赞成的意见，赞成者 | |
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funnels
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| 漏斗( funnel的名词复数 )； （轮船，火车等的）烟囱 | |
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gallant
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| adj.英勇的，豪侠的；(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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adventurous
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| adj.爱冒险的；惊心动魄的，惊险的，刺激的 | |
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resolute
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| adj.坚决的，果敢的 | |
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despatch
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| n./v.(dispatch)派遣；发送；n.急件；新闻报道 | |
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gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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choir
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| n.唱诗班，唱诗班的席位，合唱团，舞蹈团；v.合唱 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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gleaning
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| n.拾落穗，拾遗，落穗v.一点点地收集（资料、事实）( glean的现在分词 )；（收割后）拾穗 | |
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belly
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| n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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zealous
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| adj.狂热的，热心的 | |
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shaft
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| n.(工具的)柄，杆状物 | |
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trumpet
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| n.喇叭，喇叭声；v.吹喇叭，吹嘘 | |
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disorder
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| n.紊乱，混乱；骚动，骚乱；疾病，失调 | |
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overthrew
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| overthrow的过去式 | |
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hogs
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| n.（尤指喂肥供食用的）猪( hog的名词复数 )；（供食用的）阉公猪；彻底地做某事；自私的或贪婪的人 | |
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34
battered
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| adj.磨损的；v.连续猛击；磨损 | |
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ribs
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| n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 )；（船或屋顶等的）肋拱；肋骨状的东西；（织物的）凸条花纹 | |
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knuckles
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| n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝 | |
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gashed
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| v.划伤，割破( gash的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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mower
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| n.割草机 | |
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marred
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| adj. 被损毁, 污损的 | |
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cleft
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| n.裂缝；adj.裂开的 | |
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jaws
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| n.口部；嘴 | |
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asunder
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| adj.分离的，化为碎片 | |
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mortified
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| v.使受辱( mortify的过去式和过去分词 )；伤害（人的感情）；克制；抑制（肉体、情感等） | |
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inflamed
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| adj.发炎的，红肿的v.（使）变红，发怒，过热( inflame的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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joints
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| 接头( joint的名词复数 )； 关节； 公共场所（尤指价格低廉的饮食和娱乐场所） （非正式）； 一块烤肉 （英式英语） | |
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squat
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| v.蹲坐，蹲下；n.蹲下；adj.矮胖的，粗矮的 | |
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pestles
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| n.（捣碎或碾磨用的）杵( pestle的名词复数 ) | |
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thighs
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| n.股，大腿( thigh的名词复数 )；食用的鸡（等的）腿 | |
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thumped
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| v.重击， （指心脏）急速跳动( thump的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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flails
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| v.鞭打( flail的第三人称单数 )；用连枷脱粒；（臂或腿）无法控制地乱动；扫雷坦克 | |
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mangled
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| vt.乱砍（mangle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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baton
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| n.乐队用指挥杖 | |
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bruised
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| [医]青肿的，瘀紫的 | |
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ridge
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| n.山脊；鼻梁；分水岭 | |
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reins
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| 感情，激情； 缰( rein的名词复数 )； 控制手段； 掌管； （成人带着幼儿走路以防其走失时用的）保护带 | |
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skull
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| n.头骨；颅骨 | |
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scramble
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| v.爬行，攀爬，杂乱蔓延，碎片，片段，废料 | |
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impaled
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| 钉在尖桩上( impale的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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thumps
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| n.猪肺病；砰的重击声( thump的名词复数 )v.重击， （指心脏）急速跳动( thump的第三人称单数 ) | |
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Pluto
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| n.冥王星 | |
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temerity
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| n.鲁莽，冒失 | |
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gush
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| v.喷，涌；滔滔不绝(说话)；n.喷，涌流；迸发 | |
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bowel
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| n.肠(尤指人肠)；内部，深处 | |
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tripe
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| n.废话，肚子, 内脏 | |
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vowed
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| 起誓，发誓（vow的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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vows
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| 誓言( vow的名词复数 )； 郑重宣布，许愿 | |
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invoked
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| v.援引( invoke的过去式和过去分词 )；行使（权利等）；祈求救助；恳求 | |
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relics
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| [pl.］n.遗物，遗迹，遗产；遗体，尸骸 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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wretches
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| n.不幸的人( wretch的名词复数 )；可怜的人；恶棍；坏蛋 | |
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slain
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| 杀死，宰杀，杀戮( slay的过去分词 )； (slay的过去分词) | |
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throttle
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| n.节流阀，节气阀，喉咙；v.扼喉咙，使窒息，压 | |
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walnuts
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| 胡桃（树）( walnut的名词复数 )； 胡桃木 | |
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76
kernel
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| n.(果实的)核，仁；(问题)的中心，核心 | |
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77
breach
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| n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破 | |
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78
chambers
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| n.房间( chamber的名词复数 )；（议会的）议院；卧室；会议厅 | |
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79
penitent
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| adj.后悔的；n.后悔者；忏悔者 | |
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80
sickle
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| n.镰刀 | |
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81
discomfited
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| v.使为难( discomfit的过去式和过去分词)；使狼狈；使挫折；挫败 | |
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82
hermit
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| n.隐士，修道者；隐居 | |
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83
valiantly
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| adv.勇敢地，英勇地；雄赳赳 | |
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