How the Monk1 was feasted by Gargantua, and of the jovial2 discourse3 they had at supper.
When Gargantua was set down at table, after all of them had somewhat stayed their stomachs by a snatch or two of the first bits eaten heartily4, Grangousier began to relate the source and cause of the war raised between him and Picrochole; and came to tell how Friar John of the Funnels5 had triumphed at the defence of the close of the abbey, and extolled6 him for his valour above Camillus, Scipio, Pompey, Caesar, and Themistocles. Then Gargantua desired that he might be presently sent for, to the end that with him they might consult of what was to be done. Whereupon, by a joint7 consent, his steward8 went for him, and brought him along merrily, with his staff of the cross, upon Grangousier’s mule9. When he was come, a thousand huggings, a thousand embracements, a thousand good days were given. Ha, Friar John, my friend Friar John, my brave cousin Friar John from the devil! Let me clip thee, my heart, about the neck; to me an armful. I must grip thee, my ballock, till thy back crack with it. Come, my cod10, let me coll thee till I kill thee. And Friar John, the gladdest man in the world, never was man made welcomer, never was any more courteously11 and graciously received than Friar John. Come, come, said Gargantua, a stool here close by me at this end. I am content, said the monk, seeing you will have it so. Some water, page; fill, my boy, fill; it is to refresh my liver. Give me some, child, to gargle my throat withal. Deposita cappa, said Gymnast, let us pull off this frock. Ho, by G—, gentlemen, said the monk, there is a chapter in Statutis Ordinis which opposeth my laying of it down. Pish! said Gymnast, a fig12 for your chapter! This frock breaks both your shoulders, put it off. My friend, said the monk, let me alone with it; for, by G—, I’ll drink the better that it is on. It makes all my body jocund13. If I should lay it aside, the waggish14 pages would cut to themselves garters out of it, as I was once served at Coulaines. And, which is worse, I shall lose my appetite. But if in this habit I sit down at table, I will drink, by G—, both to thee and to thy horse, and so courage, frolic, God save the company! I have already supped, yet will I eat never a whit15 the less for that; for I have a paved stomach, as hollow as a butt16 of malvoisie or St. Benedictus’ boot (butt), and always open like a lawyer’s pouch17. Of all fishes but the tench take the wing of a partridge or the thigh18 of a nun19. Doth not he die like a good fellow that dies with a stiff catso? Our prior loves exceedingly the white of a capon. In that, said Gymnast, he doth not resemble the foxes; for of the capons, hens, and pullets which they carry away they never eat the white. Why? said the monk. Because, said Gymnast, they have no cooks to dress them; and, if they be not competently made ready, they remain red and not white; the redness of meats being a token that they have not got enough of the fire, whether by boiling, roasting, or otherwise, except the shrimps20, lobsters21, crabs22, and crayfishes, which are cardinalized with boiling. By God’s feast-gazers, said the monk, the porter of our abbey then hath not his head well boiled, for his eyes are as red as a mazer made of an alder-tree. The thigh of this leveret is good for those that have the gout. To the purpose of the truel,— what is the reason that the thighs23 of a gentlewoman are always fresh and cool? This problem, said Gargantua, is neither in Aristotle, in Alexander Aphrodiseus, nor in Plutarch. There are three causes, said the monk, by which that place is naturally refreshed. Primo, because the water runs all along by it. Secundo, because it is a shady place, obscure and dark, upon which the sun never shines. And thirdly, because it is continually flabbelled, blown upon, and aired by the north winds of the hole arstick, the fan of the smock, and flipflap of the codpiece. And lusty, my lads. Some bousing liquor, page! So! crack, crack, crack. O how good is God, that gives us of this excellent juice! I call him to witness, if I had been in the time of Jesus Christ, I would have kept him from being taken by the Jews in the garden of Olivet. And the devil fail me, if I should have failed to cut off the hams of these gentlemen apostles who ran away so basely after they had well supped, and left their good master in the lurch24. I hate that man worse than poison that offers to run away when he should fight and lay stoutly25 about him. Oh that I were but King of France for fourscore or a hundred years! By G—, I should whip like curtail-dogs these runaways26 of Pavia. A plague take them; why did they not choose rather to die there than to leave their good prince in that pinch and necessity? Is it not better and more honourable27 to perish in fighting valiantly28 than to live in disgrace by a cowardly running away? We are like to eat no great store of goslings this year; therefore, friend, reach me some of that roasted pig there.
Diavolo, is there no more must? No more sweet wine? Germinavit radix Jesse. Je renie ma vie, je meurs de soif; I renounce29 my life, I rage for thirst. This wine is none of the worst. What wine drink you at Paris? I give myself to the devil, if I did not once keep open house at Paris for all comers six months together. Do you know Friar Claude of the high kilderkins? Oh the good fellow that he is! But I do not know what fly hath stung him of late, he is become so hard a student. For my part, I study not at all. In our abbey we never study for fear of the mumps30, which disease in horses is called the mourning in the chine. Our late abbot was wont31 to say that it is a monstrous32 thing to see a learned monk. By G—, master, my friend, Magis magnos clericos non sunt magis magnos sapientes. You never saw so many hares as there are this year. I could not anywhere come by a goshawk nor tassel33 of falcon34. My Lord Belloniere promised me a lanner, but he wrote to me not long ago that he was become pursy. The partridges will so multiply henceforth, that they will go near to eat up our ears. I take no delight in the stalking-horse, for I catch such cold that I am like to founder35 myself at that sport. If I do not run, toil36, travel, and trot37 about, I am not well at ease. True it is that in leaping over the hedges and bushes my frock leaves always some of its wool behind it. I have recovered a dainty greyhound; I give him to the devil, if he suffer a hare to escape him. A groom38 was leading him to my Lord Huntlittle, and I robbed him of him. Did I ill? No, Friar John, said Gymnast, no, by all the devils that are, no! So, said the monk, do I attest39 these same devils so long as they last, or rather, virtue40 (of) G—, what could that gouty limpard have done with so fine a dog? By the body of G—, he is better pleased when one presents him with a good yoke41 of oxen. How now, said Ponocrates, you swear, Friar John. It is only, said the monk, but to grace and adorn42 my speech. They are colours of a Ciceronian rhetoric43.
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1
monk
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| n.和尚，僧侣，修道士 | |
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jovial
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| adj.快乐的，好交际的 | |
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discourse
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| n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述 | |
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heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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funnels
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| 漏斗( funnel的名词复数 )； （轮船，火车等的）烟囱 | |
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extolled
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| v.赞颂，赞扬，赞美( extol的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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joint
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| adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合 | |
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steward
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| n.乘务员，服务员；看管人；膳食管理员 | |
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mule
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| n.骡子，杂种，执拗的人 | |
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cod
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| n.鳕鱼；v.愚弄；哄骗 | |
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courteously
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| adv.有礼貌地，亲切地 | |
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fig
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| n.无花果(树) | |
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jocund
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| adj.快乐的，高兴的 | |
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waggish
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| adj.诙谐的，滑稽的 | |
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whit
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| n.一点，丝毫 | |
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butt
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| n.笑柄；烟蒂；枪托；臀部；v.用头撞或顶 | |
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pouch
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| n.小袋，小包，囊状袋；vt.装...入袋中，用袋运输；vi.用袋送信件 | |
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thigh
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| n.大腿；股骨 | |
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nun
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| n.修女，尼姑 | |
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shrimps
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| n.虾，小虾( shrimp的名词复数 )；矮小的人 | |
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lobsters
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| 龙虾( lobster的名词复数 )； 龙虾肉 | |
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crabs
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| n.蟹( crab的名词复数 )；阴虱寄生病；蟹肉v.捕蟹( crab的第三人称单数 ) | |
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thighs
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| n.股，大腿( thigh的名词复数 )；食用的鸡（等的）腿 | |
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lurch
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| n.突然向前或旁边倒；v.蹒跚而行 | |
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stoutly
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| adv.牢固地，粗壮的 | |
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runaways
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| （轻而易举的）胜利( runaway的名词复数 ) | |
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honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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valiantly
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| adv.勇敢地，英勇地；雄赳赳 | |
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renounce
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| v.放弃；拒绝承认，宣布与…断绝关系 | |
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mumps
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| n.腮腺炎 | |
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wont
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| adj.习惯于；v.习惯；n.习惯 | |
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monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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tassel
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| n.流苏，穗；v.抽穗， （玉米）长穗须 | |
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falcon
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| n.隼，猎鹰 | |
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Founder
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| n.创始者，缔造者 | |
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toil
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| vi.辛劳工作，艰难地行动；n.苦工，难事 | |
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trot
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| n.疾走，慢跑；n.老太婆；现成译本；(复数）trots:腹泻（与the 连用）；v.小跑，快步走，赶紧 | |
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groom
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| vt.给（马、狗等）梳毛，照料，使...整洁 | |
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attest
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| vt.证明，证实；表明 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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41
yoke
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| n.轭；支配；v.给...上轭，连接，使成配偶 | |
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adorn
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| vt.使美化，装饰 | |
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rhetoric
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| n.修辞学，浮夸之言语 | |
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