How Panurge was in love with a lady of Paris.
Panurge began to be in great reputation in the city of Paris by means of this disputation wherein he prevailed against the Englishman, and from thenceforth made his codpiece to be very useful to him. To which effect he had it pinked with pretty little embroideries1 after the Romanesca fashion. And the world did praise him publicly, in so far that there was a song made of him, which little children did use to sing when they were to fetch mustard. He was withal made welcome in all companies of ladies and gentlewomen, so that at last he became presumptuous2, and went about to bring to his lure4 one of the greatest ladies in the city. And, indeed, leaving a rabble5 of long prologues6 and protestations, which ordinarily these dolent contemplative lent-lovers make who never meddle8 with the flesh, one day he said unto her, Madam, it would be a very great benefit to the commonwealth9, delightful10 to you, honourable11 to your progeny12, and necessary for me, that I cover you for the propagating of my race, and believe it, for experience will teach it you. The lady at this word thrust him back above a hundred leagues, saying, You mischievous13 fool, is it for you to talk thus unto me? Whom do you think you have in hand? Begone, never to come in my sight again; for, if one thing were not, I would have your legs and arms cut off. Well, said he, that were all one to me, to want both legs and arms, provided you and I had but one merry bout3 together at the brangle-buttock game; for herewithin is — in showing her his long codpiece — Master John Thursday, who will play you such an antic that you shall feel the sweetness thereof even to the very marrow14 of your bones. He is a gallant16, and doth so well know how to find out all the corners, creeks17, and ingrained inmates18 in your carnal trap, that after him there needs no broom, he’ll sweep so well before, and leave nothing to his followers19 to work upon. Whereunto the lady answered, Go, villain20, go. If you speak to me one such word more, I will cry out and make you to be knocked down with blows. Ha, said he, you are not so bad as you say — no, or else I am deceived in your physiognomy. For sooner shall the earth mount up unto the heavens, and the highest heavens descend21 unto the hells, and all the course of nature be quite perverted22, than that in so great beauty and neatness as in you is there should be one drop of gall15 or malice23. They say, indeed, that hardly shall a man ever see a fair woman that is not also stubborn. Yet that is spoke24 only of those vulgar beauties; but yours is so excellent, so singular, and so heavenly, that I believe nature hath given it you as a paragon25 and masterpiece of her art, to make us know what she can do when she will employ all her skill and all her power. There is nothing in you but honey, but sugar, but a sweet and celestial26 manna. To you it was to whom Paris ought to have adjudged the golden apple, not to Venus, no, nor to Juno, nor to Minerva, for never was there so much magnificence in Juno, so much wisdom in Minerva, nor so much comeliness27 in Venus as there is in you. O heavenly gods and goddesses! How happy shall that man be to whom you will grant the favour to embrace her, to kiss her, and to rub his bacon with hers! By G—, that shall be I, I know it well; for she loves me already her bellyful, I am sure of it, and so was I predestinated to it by the fairies. And therefore, that we lose no time, put on, thrust out your gammons!— and would have embraced her, but she made as if she would put out her head at the window to call her neighbours for help. Then Panurge on a sudden ran out, and in his running away said, Madam, stay here till I come again; I will go call them myself; do not you take so much pains. Thus went he away, not much caring for the repulse28 he had got, nor made he any whit29 the worse cheer for it. The next day he came to the church at the time she went to mass. At the door he gave her some of the holy water, bowing himself very low before her. Afterwards he kneeled down by her very familiarly and said unto her, Madam, know that I am so amorous30 of you that I can neither piss nor dung for love. I do not know, lady, what you mean, but if I should take any hurt by it, how much you would be to blame! Go, said she, go! I do not care; let me alone to say my prayers. Ay but, said he, equivocate31 upon this: a beau mont le viconte, or, to fair mount the prick-cunts. I cannot, said she. It is, said he, a beau con7 le vit monte, or to a fair c. . .the pr. . .mounts. And upon this, pray to God to give you that which your noble heart desireth, and I pray you give me these paternosters. Take them, said she, and trouble me no longer. This done, she would have taken off her paternosters, which were made of a kind of yellow stone called cestrin, and adorned32 with great spots of gold, but Panurge nimbly drew out one of his knives, wherewith he cut them off very handsomely, and whilst he was going away to carry them to the brokers33, he said to her, Will you have my knife? No, no, said she. But, said he, to the purpose. I am at your commandment, body and goods, tripes and bowels34.
In the meantime the lady was not very well content with the want of her paternosters, for they were one of her implements35 to keep her countenance36 by in the church; then thought with herself, This bold flouting37 roister is some giddy, fantastical, light-headed fool of a strange country. I shall never recover my paternosters again. What will my husband say? He will no doubt be angry with me. But I will tell him that a thief hath cut them off from my hands in the church, which he will easily believe, seeing the end of the ribbon left at my girdle. After dinner Panurge went to see her, carrying in his sleeve a great purse full of palace-crowns, called counters, and began to say unto her, Which of us two loveth other best, you me, or I you? Whereunto she answered, As for me, I do not hate you; for, as God commands, I love all the world. But to the purpose, said he; are not you in love with me? I have, said she, told you so many times already that you should talk so no more to me, and if you speak of it again I will teach you that I am not one to be talked unto dishonestly. Get you hence packing, and deliver me my paternosters, that my husband may not ask me for them.
How now, madam, said he, your paternosters? Nay38, by mine oath, I will not do so, but I will give you others. Had you rather have them of gold well enamelled in great round knobs, or after the manner of love-knots, or, otherwise, all massive, like great ingots, or if you had rather have them of ebony, of jacinth, or of grained gold, with the marks of fine turquoises39, or of fair topazes, marked with fine sapphires40, or of baleu rubies41, with great marks of diamonds of eight and twenty squares? No, no, all this is too little. I know a fair bracelet42 of fine emeralds, marked with spotted43 ambergris, and at the buckle44 a Persian pearl as big as an orange. It will not cost above five and twenty thousand ducats. I will make you a present of it, for I have ready coin enough,— and withal he made a noise with his counters, as if they had been French crowns.
Will you have a piece of velvet45, either of the violet colour or of crimson46 dyed in grain, or a piece of broached47 or crimson satin? Will you have chains, gold, tablets, rings? You need no more but say, Yes; so far as fifty thousand ducats may reach, it is but as nothing to me. By the virtue48 of which words he made the water come in her mouth; but she said unto him, No, I thank you, I will have nothing of you. By G—, said he, but I will have somewhat of you; yet shall it be that which shall cost you nothing, neither shall you have a jot49 the less when you have given it. Hold!— showing his long codpiece — this is Master John Goodfellow, that asks for lodging50!— and with that would have embraced her; but she began to cry out, yet not very loud. Then Panurge put off his counterfeit51 garb52, changed his false visage, and said unto her, You will not then otherwise let me do a little? A turd for you! You do not deserve so much good, nor so much honour; but, by G—, I will make the dogs ride you;— and with this he ran away as fast as he could, for fear of blows, whereof he was naturally fearful.
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1
embroideries
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| 刺绣( embroidery的名词复数 )； 刺绣品； 刺绣法 | |
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2
presumptuous
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| adj.胆大妄为的，放肆的，冒昧的，冒失的 | |
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3
bout
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| n.侵袭，发作；一次(阵，回)；拳击等比赛 | |
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lure
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| n.吸引人的东西，诱惑物；vt.引诱，吸引 | |
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rabble
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| n.乌合之众，暴民；下等人 | |
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prologues
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| n.序言，开场白( prologue的名词复数 ) | |
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con
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| n.反对的观点，反对者，反对票，肺病；vt.精读，学习，默记；adv.反对地，从反面；adj.欺诈的 | |
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meddle
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| v.干预，干涉，插手 | |
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9
commonwealth
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| n.共和国，联邦，共同体 | |
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10
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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11
honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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progeny
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| n.后代，子孙；结果 | |
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13
mischievous
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| adj.调皮的，恶作剧的，有害的，伤人的 | |
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14
marrow
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| n.骨髓；精华；活力 | |
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15
gall
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| v.使烦恼，使焦躁，难堪；n.磨难 | |
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16
gallant
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| adj.英勇的，豪侠的；(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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17
creeks
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| n.小湾( creek的名词复数 )；小港；小河；小溪 | |
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inmates
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| n.囚犯( inmate的名词复数 ) | |
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followers
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| 追随者( follower的名词复数 )； 用户； 契据的附面； 从动件 | |
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villain
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| n.反派演员，反面人物；恶棍；问题的起因 | |
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21
descend
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| vt./vi.传下来，下来，下降 | |
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22
perverted
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| adj.不正当的v.滥用( pervert的过去式和过去分词 )；腐蚀；败坏；使堕落 | |
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23
malice
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| n.恶意，怨恨，蓄意；[律]预谋 | |
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24
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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paragon
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| n.模范，典型 | |
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celestial
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| adj.天体的；天上的 | |
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comeliness
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| n. 清秀, 美丽, 合宜 | |
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28
repulse
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| n.击退，拒绝；vt.逐退，击退，拒绝 | |
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whit
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| n.一点，丝毫 | |
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amorous
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| adj.多情的；有关爱情的 | |
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equivocate
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| v.模棱两可地，支吾其词 | |
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adorned
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| [计]被修饰的 | |
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33
brokers
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| n.（股票、外币等）经纪人( broker的名词复数 )；中间人；代理商；（订合同的）中人v.做掮客（或中人等）( broker的第三人称单数 )；作为权力经纪人进行谈判；以中间人等身份安排… | |
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34
bowels
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| n.肠，内脏，内部；肠( bowel的名词复数 )；内部，最深处 | |
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implements
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| n.工具( implement的名词复数 )；家具；手段；[法律]履行（契约等）v.实现( implement的第三人称单数 )；执行；贯彻；使生效 | |
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36
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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37
flouting
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| v.藐视，轻视( flout的现在分词 ) | |
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38
nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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39
turquoises
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| n.绿松石( turquoise的名词复数 )；青绿色 | |
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40
sapphires
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| n.蓝宝石，钢玉宝石( sapphire的名词复数 )；蔚蓝色 | |
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41
rubies
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| 红宝石( ruby的名词复数 )； 红宝石色，深红色 | |
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42
bracelet
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| n.手镯，臂镯 | |
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43
spotted
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| adj.有斑点的，斑纹的，弄污了的 | |
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44
buckle
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| n.扣子，带扣；v.把...扣住，由于压力而弯曲 | |
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45
velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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46
crimson
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| n./adj.深(绯)红色(的)；vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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47
broached
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| v.谈起( broach的过去式和过去分词 )；打开并开始用；用凿子扩大（或修光）；（在桶上）钻孔取液体 | |
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48
virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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49
jot
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| n.少量；vi.草草记下；vt.匆匆写下 | |
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50
lodging
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| n.寄宿，住所；(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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51
counterfeit
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| vt.伪造，仿造；adj.伪造的，假冒的 | |
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52
garb
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| n.服装，装束 | |
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