How Rondibilis declareth cuckoldry to be naturally one of the appendances of marriage.
There remaineth as yet, quoth Panurge, going on in his discourse1, one small scruple2 to be cleared. You have seen heretofore, I doubt not, in the Roman standards, S.P.Q.R., Si, Peu, Que, Rien. Shall not I be a cuckold? By the haven3 of safety, cried out Rondibilis, what is this you ask of me? If you shall be a cuckold? My noble friend, I am married, and you are like to be so very speedily; therefore be pleased, from my experiment in the matter, to write in your brain with a steel pen this subsequent ditton, There is no married man who doth not run the hazard of being made a cuckold. Cuckoldry naturally attendeth marriage. The shadow doth not more naturally follow the body, than cuckoldry ensueth after marriage to place fair horns upon the husbands’ heads.
And when you shall happen to hear any man pronounce these three words, He is married; if you then say he is, hath been, shall be, or may be a cuckold, you will not be accounted an unskilful artist in framing of true consequences. Tripes and bowels4 of all the devils, cries Panurge, what do you tell me? My dear friend, answered Rondibilis, as Hippocrates on a time was in the very nick of setting forwards from Lango to Polystilo to visit the philosopher Democritus, he wrote a familiar letter to his friend Dionysius, wherein he desired him that he would, during the interval5 of his absence, carry his wife to the house of her father and mother, who were an honourable6 couple and of good repute; because I would not have her at my home, said he, to make abode7 in solitude8. Yet, notwithstanding this her residence beside her parents, do not fail, quoth he, with a most heedful care and circumspection11 to pry12 into her ways, and to espy13 what places she shall go to with her mother, and who those be that shall repair unto her. Not, quoth he, that I do mistrust her virtue14, or that I seem to have any diffidence of her pudicity and chaste15 behaviour,— for of that I have frequently had good and real proofs,— but I must freely tell you, She is a woman. There lies the suspicion.
My worthy16 friend, the nature of women is set forth17 before our eyes and represented to us by the moon, in divers18 other things as well as in this, that they squat19, skulk20, constrain21 their own inclinations22, and, with all the cunning they can, dissemble and play the hypocrite in the sight and presence of their husbands; who come no sooner to be out of the way, but that forthwith they take their advantage, pass the time merrily, desist from all labour, frolic it, gad23 abroad, lay aside their counterfeit24 garb25, and openly declare and manifest the interior of their dispositions26, even as the moon, when she is in conjunction with the sun, is neither seen in the heavens nor on the earth, but in her opposition27, when remotest from him, shineth in her greatest fulness, and wholly appeareth in her brightest splendour whilst it is night. Thus women are but women.
When I say womankind, I speak of a sex so frail28, so variable, so changeable, so fickle29, inconstant, and imperfect, that in my opinion Nature, under favour, nevertheless, of the prime honour and reverence30 which is due unto her, did in a manner mistake the road which she had traced formerly31, and stray exceedingly from that excellence32 of providential judgment33 by the which she had created and formed all other things, when she built, framed, and made up the woman. And having thought upon it a hundred and five times, I know not what else to determine therein, save only that in the devising, hammering, forging, and composing of the woman she hath had a much tenderer regard, and by a great deal more respectful heed10 to the delightful34 consortship and sociable35 delectation of the man, than to the perfection and accomplishment36 of the individual womanishness or muliebrity. The divine philosopher Plato was doubtful in what rank of living creatures to place and collocate them, whether amongst the rational animals, by elevating them to an upper seat in the specifical classis of humanity, or with the irrational37, by degrading them to a lower bench on the opposite side, of a brutal38 kind, and mere39 bestiality. For nature hath posited40 in a privy41, secret, and intestine42 place of their bodies, a sort of member, by some not impertinently termed an animal, which is not to be found in men. Therein sometimes are engendered43 certain humours so saltish, brackish44, clammy, sharp, nipping, tearing, prickling, and most eagerly tickling45, that by their stinging acrimony, rending46 nitrosity, figging itch47, wriggling48 mordicancy, and smarting salsitude (for the said member is altogether sinewy49 and of a most quick and lively feeling), their whole body is shaken and ebrangled, their senses totally ravished and transported, the operations of their judgment and understanding utterly50 confounded, and all disordinate passions and perturbations of the mind thoroughly51 and absolutely allowed, admitted, and approved of; yea, in such sort that if nature had not been so favourable52 unto them as to have sprinkled their forehead with a little tincture of bashfulness and modesty53, you should see them in a so frantic54 mood run mad after lechery55, and hie apace up and down with haste and lust56, in quest of and to fix some chamber-standard in their Paphian ground, that never did the Proetides, Mimallonides, nor Lyaean Thyades deport57 themselves in the time of their bacchanalian58 festivals more shamelessly, or with a so affronted59 and brazen-faced impudency; because this terrible animal is knit unto, and hath an union with all the chief and most principal parts of the body, as to anatomists is evident. Let it not here be thought strange that I should call it an animal, seeing therein I do no otherwise than follow and adhere to the doctrine60 of the academic and peripatetic61 philosophers. For if a proper motion be a certain mark and infallible token of the life and animation62 of the mover, as Aristotle writeth, and that any such thing as moveth of itself ought to be held animated63 and of a living nature, then assuredly Plato with very good reason did give it the denomination64 of an animal, for that he perceived and observed in it the proper and self-stirring motions of suffocation65, precipitation, corrugation, and of indignation so extremely violent, that oftentimes by them is taken and removed from the woman all other sense and moving whatsoever66, as if she were in a swounding lipothymy, benumbing syncope, epileptic, apoplectic67 palsy, and true resemblance of a pale-faced death.
Furthermore, in the said member there is a manifest discerning faculty68 of scents69 and odours very perceptible to women, who feel it fly from what is rank and unsavoury, and follow fragrant70 and aromatic71 smells. It is not unknown to me how Cl. Galen striveth with might and main to prove that these are not proper and particular notions proceeding72 intrinsically from the thing itself, but accidentally and by chance. Nor hath it escaped my notice how others of that sect73 have laboured hardly, yea, to the utmost of their abilities, to demonstrate that it is not a sensitive discerning or perception in it of the difference of wafts74 and smells, but merely a various manner of virtue and efficacy passing forth and flowing from the diversity of odoriferous substances applied75 near unto it. Nevertheless, if you will studiously examine and seriously ponder and weigh in Critolaus’s balance the strength of their reasons and arguments, you shall find that they, not only in this, but in several other matters also of the like nature, have spoken at random76, and rather out of an ambitious envy to check and reprehend77 their betters than for any design to make inquiry78 into the solid truth.
I will not launch my little skiff any further into the wide ocean of this dispute, only will I tell you that the praise and commendation is not mean and slender which is due to those honest and good women who, living chastely79 and without blame, have had the power and virtue to curb80, range, and subdue81 that unbridled, heady, and wild animal to an obedient, submissive, and obsequious82 yielding unto reason. Therefore here will I make an end of my discourse thereon, when I shall have told you that the said animal being once satiated — if it be possible that it can be contented83 or satisfied — by that aliment which nature hath provided for it out of the epididymal storehouse of man, all its former and irregular and disordered motions are at an end, laid, and assuaged84, all its vehement85 and unruly longings86 lulled87, pacified88, and quieted, and all the furious and raging lusts89, appetites, and desires thereof appeased90, calmed, and extinguished. For this cause let it seem nothing strange unto you if we be in a perpetual danger of being cuckolds, that is to say, such of us as have not wherewithal fully91 to satisfy the appetite and expectation of that voracious92 animal. Odds93 fish! quoth Panurge, have you no preventive cure in all your medicinal art for hindering one’s head to be horny-graffed at home whilst his feet are plodding94 abroad? Yes, that I have, my gallant95 friend, answered Rondibilis, and that which is a sovereign remedy, whereof I frequently make use myself; and, that you may the better relish96, it is set down and written in the book of a most famous author, whose renown97 is of a standing9 of two thousand years. Hearken and take good heed. You are, quoth Panurge, by cockshobby, a right honest man, and I love you with all my heart. Eat a little of this quince-pie; it is very proper and convenient for the shutting up of the orifice of the ventricle of the stomach, because of a kind of astringent98 stypticity which is in that sort of fruit, and is helpful to the first concoction99. But what? I think I speak Latin before clerks. Stay till I give you somewhat to drink out of this Nestorian goblet100. Will you have another draught101 of white hippocras? Be not afraid of the squinzy, no. There is neither squinant, ginger102, nor grains in it; only a little choice cinnamon, and some of the best refined sugar, with the delicious white wine of the growth of that vine which was set in the slips of the great sorbapple above the walnut-tree.
1 discourse | |
n.论文,演说;谈话;话语;vi.讲述,著述 | |
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2 scruple | |
n./v.顾忌,迟疑 | |
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3 haven | |
n.安全的地方,避难所,庇护所 | |
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4 bowels | |
n.肠,内脏,内部;肠( bowel的名词复数 );内部,最深处 | |
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5 interval | |
n.间隔,间距;幕间休息,中场休息 | |
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6 honourable | |
adj.可敬的;荣誉的,光荣的 | |
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7 abode | |
n.住处,住所 | |
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8 solitude | |
n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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9 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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10 heed | |
v.注意,留意;n.注意,留心 | |
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11 circumspection | |
n.细心,慎重 | |
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12 pry | |
vi.窥(刺)探,打听;vt.撬动(开,起) | |
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13 espy | |
v.(从远处等)突然看到 | |
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14 virtue | |
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力 | |
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15 chaste | |
adj.贞洁的;有道德的;善良的;简朴的 | |
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16 worthy | |
adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的 | |
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17 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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18 divers | |
adj.不同的;种种的 | |
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19 squat | |
v.蹲坐,蹲下;n.蹲下;adj.矮胖的,粗矮的 | |
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20 skulk | |
v.藏匿;潜行 | |
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21 constrain | |
vt.限制,约束;克制,抑制 | |
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22 inclinations | |
倾向( inclination的名词复数 ); 倾斜; 爱好; 斜坡 | |
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23 gad | |
n.闲逛;v.闲逛 | |
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24 counterfeit | |
vt.伪造,仿造;adj.伪造的,假冒的 | |
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25 garb | |
n.服装,装束 | |
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26 dispositions | |
安排( disposition的名词复数 ); 倾向; (财产、金钱的)处置; 气质 | |
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27 opposition | |
n.反对,敌对 | |
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28 frail | |
adj.身体虚弱的;易损坏的 | |
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29 fickle | |
adj.(爱情或友谊上)易变的,不坚定的 | |
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30 reverence | |
n.敬畏,尊敬,尊严;Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称;v.尊敬,敬畏,崇敬 | |
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31 formerly | |
adv.从前,以前 | |
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32 excellence | |
n.优秀,杰出,(pl.)优点,美德 | |
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33 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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34 delightful | |
adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的 | |
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35 sociable | |
adj.好交际的,友好的,合群的 | |
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36 accomplishment | |
n.完成,成就,(pl.)造诣,技能 | |
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37 irrational | |
adj.无理性的,失去理性的 | |
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38 brutal | |
adj.残忍的,野蛮的,不讲理的 | |
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39 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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40 posited | |
v.假定,设想,假设( posit的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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41 privy | |
adj.私用的;隐密的 | |
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42 intestine | |
adj.内部的;国内的;n.肠 | |
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43 engendered | |
v.产生(某形势或状况),造成,引起( engender的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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44 brackish | |
adj.混有盐的;咸的 | |
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45 tickling | |
反馈,回授,自旋挠痒法 | |
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46 rending | |
v.撕碎( rend的现在分词 );分裂;(因愤怒、痛苦等而)揪扯(衣服或头发等);(声音等)刺破 | |
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47 itch | |
n.痒,渴望,疥癣;vi.发痒,渴望 | |
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48 wriggling | |
v.扭动,蠕动,蜿蜒行进( wriggle的现在分词 );(使身体某一部位)扭动;耍滑不做,逃避(应做的事等);蠕蠕 | |
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49 sinewy | |
adj.多腱的,强壮有力的 | |
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50 utterly | |
adv.完全地,绝对地 | |
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51 thoroughly | |
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
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52 favourable | |
adj.赞成的,称赞的,有利的,良好的,顺利的 | |
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53 modesty | |
n.谦逊,虚心,端庄,稳重,羞怯,朴素 | |
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54 frantic | |
adj.狂乱的,错乱的,激昂的 | |
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55 lechery | |
n.好色;淫荡 | |
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56 lust | |
n.性(淫)欲;渴(欲)望;vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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57 deport | |
vt.驱逐出境 | |
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58 bacchanalian | |
adj.闹酒狂饮的;n.发酒疯的人 | |
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59 affronted | |
adj.被侮辱的,被冒犯的v.勇敢地面对( affront的过去式和过去分词 );相遇 | |
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60 doctrine | |
n.教义;主义;学说 | |
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61 peripatetic | |
adj.漫游的,逍遥派的,巡回的 | |
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62 animation | |
n.活泼,兴奋,卡通片/动画片的制作 | |
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63 animated | |
adj.生气勃勃的,活跃的,愉快的 | |
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64 denomination | |
n.命名,取名,(度量衡、货币等的)单位 | |
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65 suffocation | |
n.窒息 | |
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66 whatsoever | |
adv.(用于否定句中以加强语气)任何;pron.无论什么 | |
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67 apoplectic | |
adj.中风的;愤怒的;n.中风患者 | |
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68 faculty | |
n.才能;学院,系;(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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69 scents | |
n.香水( scent的名词复数 );气味;(动物的)臭迹;(尤指狗的)嗅觉 | |
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70 fragrant | |
adj.芬香的,馥郁的,愉快的 | |
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71 aromatic | |
adj.芳香的,有香味的 | |
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72 proceeding | |
n.行动,进行,(pl.)会议录,学报 | |
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73 sect | |
n.派别,宗教,学派,派系 | |
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74 wafts | |
n.空中飘来的气味,一阵气味( waft的名词复数 );摇转风扇v.吹送,飘送,(使)浮动( waft的第三人称单数 ) | |
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75 applied | |
adj.应用的;v.应用,适用 | |
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76 random | |
adj.随机的;任意的;n.偶然的(或随便的)行动 | |
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77 reprehend | |
v.谴责,责难 | |
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78 inquiry | |
n.打听,询问,调查,查问 | |
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79 chastely | |
adv.贞洁地,清高地,纯正地 | |
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80 curb | |
n.场外证券市场,场外交易;vt.制止,抑制 | |
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81 subdue | |
vt.制服,使顺从,征服;抑制,克制 | |
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82 obsequious | |
adj.谄媚的,奉承的,顺从的 | |
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83 contented | |
adj.满意的,安心的,知足的 | |
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84 assuaged | |
v.减轻( assuage的过去式和过去分词 );缓和;平息;使安静 | |
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85 vehement | |
adj.感情强烈的;热烈的;(人)有强烈感情的 | |
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86 longings | |
渴望,盼望( longing的名词复数 ) | |
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87 lulled | |
vt.使镇静,使安静(lull的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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88 pacified | |
使(某人)安静( pacify的过去式和过去分词 ); 息怒; 抚慰; 在(有战争的地区、国家等)实现和平 | |
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89 lusts | |
贪求(lust的第三人称单数形式) | |
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90 appeased | |
安抚,抚慰( appease的过去式和过去分词 ); 绥靖(满足另一国的要求以避免战争) | |
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91 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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92 voracious | |
adj.狼吞虎咽的,贪婪的 | |
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93 odds | |
n.让步,机率,可能性,比率;胜败优劣之别 | |
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94 plodding | |
a.proceeding in a slow or dull way | |
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95 gallant | |
adj.英勇的,豪侠的;(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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96 relish | |
n.滋味,享受,爱好,调味品;vt.加调味料,享受,品味;vi.有滋味 | |
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97 renown | |
n.声誉,名望 | |
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98 astringent | |
adj.止血的,收缩的,涩的;n.收缩剂,止血剂 | |
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99 concoction | |
n.调配(物);谎言 | |
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100 goblet | |
n.高脚酒杯 | |
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101 draught | |
n.拉,牵引,拖;一网(饮,吸,阵);顿服药量,通风;v.起草,设计 | |
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102 ginger | |
n.姜,精力,淡赤黄色;adj.淡赤黄色的;vt.使活泼,使有生气 | |
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