How the ancient custom at nuptials1 is renewed by the catchpole.
The catchpole, having made shift to get down a swingeing sneaker of Breton wine, said to Basche, Pray, sir, what do you mean? You do not give one another the memento3 of the wedding. By St. Joseph’s wooden shoe, all good customs are forgot. We find the form, but the hare is scampered4; and the nest, but the birds are flown. There are no true friends nowadays. You see how, in several churches, the ancient laudable custom of tippling on account of the blessed saints O O, at Christmas, is come to nothing. The world is in its dotage5, and doomsday is certainly coming all so fast. Now come on; the wedding, the wedding, the wedding; remember it by this. This he said, striking Basche and his lady; then her women and the levite. Then the tabor beat a point of war, and the gauntlets began to do their duty; insomuch that the catchpole had his crown cracked in no less than nine places. One of the bums7 had his right arm put out of joint8, and the other his upper jaw9-bone or mandibule dislocated so that it hid half his chin, with a denudation10 of the uvula, and sad loss of the molar, masticatory11, and canine12 teeth. Then the tabor beat a retreat; the gauntlets were carefully hid in a trice, and sweetmeats afresh distributed to renew the mirth of the company. So they all drank to one another, and especially to the catchpole and his bums. But Oudart cursed and damned the wedding to the pit of hell, complaining that one of the bums had utterly13 disincornifistibulated his nether14 shoulder-blade. Nevertheless, he scorned to be thought a flincher15, and made shift to tope to him on the square.
The jawless16 bum6 shrugged17 up his shoulders, joined his hands, and by signs begged his pardon; for speak he could not. The sham18 bridegroom made his moan, that the crippled bum had struck him such a horrid19 thump20 with his shoulder-of-mutton fist on the nether elbow that he was grown quite esperruquanchuzelubelouzerireliced down to his very heel, to the no small loss of mistress bride.
But what harm had poor I done? cried Trudon, hiding his left eye with his kerchief, and showing his tabor cracked on one side; they were not satisfied with thus poaching, black and bluing, and morrambouzevezengouzequoquemorgasacbaquevezinemaffreliding my poor eyes, but they have also broke my harmless drum. Drums indeed are commonly beaten at weddings, and it is fit they should; but drummers are well entertained and never beaten. Now let Beelzebub e’en take the drum, to make his devilship a nightcap. Brother, said the lame21 catchpole, never fret22 thyself; I will make thee a present of a fine, large, old patent, which I have here in my bag, to patch up thy drum, and for Madame St. Ann’s sake I pray thee forgive us. By Our Lady of Riviere, the blessed dame23, I meant no more harm than the child unborn. One of the equerries, who, hopping24 and halting like a mumping cripple, mimicked25 the good limping Lord de la Roche Posay, directed his discourse26 to the bum with the pouting27 jaw, and told him: What, Mr. Manhound, was it not enough thus to have morcrocastebezasteverestegrigeligoscopapopondrillated us all in our upper members with your botched mittens28, but you must also apply such morderegripippiatabirofreluchamburelurecaquelurintimpaniments on our shinbones with the hard tops and extremities29 of your cobbled shoes. Do you call this children’s play? By the mass, ’tis no jest. The bum, wringing30 his hands, seemed to beg his pardon, muttering with his tongue, Mon, mon, mon, vrelon, von, von, like a dumb man. The bride crying laughed, and laughing cried, because the catchpole was not satisfied with drubbing her without choice or distinction of members, but had also rudely roused and toused her, pulled off her topping, and not having the fear of her husband before his eyes, treacherously31 trepignemanpenillorifrizonoufresterfumbledtumbled and squeezed her lower parts. The devil go with it, said Basche; there was much need indeed that this same Master King (this was the catchpole’s name) should thus break my wife’s back; however, I forgive him now; these are little nuptial2 caresses32. But this I plainly perceive, that he cited me like an angel, and drubbed me like a devil. He had something in him of Friar Thumpwell. Come, for all this, I must drink to him, and to you likewise, his trusty esquires. But, said his lady, why hath he been so very liberal of his manual kindness to me, without the least provocation33? I assure you, I by no means like it; but this I dare say for him, that he hath the hardest knuckles34 that ever I felt on my shoulders. The steward35 held his left arm in a scarf, as if it had been rent and torn in twain. I think it was the devil, said he, that moved me to assist at these nuptials; shame on ill luck; I must needs be meddling36 with a pox, and now see what I have got by the bargain, both my arms are wretchedly engoulevezinemassed and bruised37. Do you call this a wedding? By St. Bridget’s tooth, I had rather be at that of a Tom T— d-man. This is, o’ my word, even just such another feast as was that of the Lapithae, described by the philosopher of Samosata. One of the bums had lost his tongue. The other two, tho’ they had more need to complain, made their excuse as well as they could, protesting that they had no ill design in this dumbfounding; begging that, for goodness sake, they would forgive them; and so, tho’ they could hardly budge38 a foot, or wag along, away they crawled. About a mile from Basche’s seat, the catchpole found himself somewhat out of sorts. The bums got to L’Isle Bouchart, publicly saying that since they were born they had never seen an honester gentleman than the Lord of Basche, or civiller people than his, and that they had never been at the like wedding (which I verily believe); but that it was their own faults if they had been tickled39 off, and tossed about from post to pillar, since themselves had began the beating. So they lived I cannot exactly tell you how many days after this. But from that time to this it was held for a certain truth that Basche’s money was more pestilential, mortal, and pernicious to the catchpoles and bums than were formerly40 the aurum Tholosanum and the Sejan horse to those that possessed41 them. Ever since this he lived quietly, and Basche’s wedding grew into a common proverb.
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nuptials
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| n.婚礼；婚礼( nuptial的名词复数 ) | |
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nuptial
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| adj.婚姻的，婚礼的 | |
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memento
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| n.纪念品，令人回忆的东西 | |
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scampered
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| v.蹦蹦跳跳地跑，惊惶奔跑( scamper的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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dotage
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| n.年老体衰；年老昏聩 | |
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bum
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| n.臀部；流浪汉，乞丐；vt.乞求，乞讨 | |
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bums
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| n. 游荡者，流浪汉，懒鬼，闹饮，屁股 adj. 没有价值的，不灵光的，不合理的 vt. 令人失望，乞讨 vi. 混日子，以乞讨为生 | |
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joint
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| adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合 | |
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jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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denudation
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| n.剥下；裸露；滥伐；剥蚀 | |
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masticatory
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| adj.咀嚼的，咀嚼用的n.咀嚼物，咀嚼剂 | |
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canine
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| adj.犬的，犬科的 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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nether
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| adj.下部的，下面的；n.阴间；下层社会 | |
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flincher
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| （因危险和痛苦）退缩，畏惧( flinch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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jawless
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shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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sham
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| n./adj.假冒(的)，虚伪(的) | |
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horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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thump
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| v.重击，砰然地响；n.重击，重击声 | |
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lame
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| adj.跛的，(辩解、论据等)无说服力的 | |
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fret
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| v.(使)烦恼；(使)焦急；(使)腐蚀，(使)磨损 | |
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dame
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| n.女士 | |
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hopping
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| n. 跳跃 动词hop的现在分词形式 | |
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mimicked
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| v.（尤指为了逗乐而）模仿( mimic的过去式和过去分词 )；酷似 | |
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discourse
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| n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述 | |
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pouting
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| v.撅（嘴）( pout的现在分词 ) | |
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mittens
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| 不分指手套 | |
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extremities
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| n.端点( extremity的名词复数 )；尽头；手和足；极窘迫的境地 | |
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wringing
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| 淋湿的，湿透的 | |
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treacherously
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| 背信弃义地； 背叛地； 靠不住地； 危险地 | |
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caresses
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| 爱抚，抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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provocation
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| n.激怒，刺激，挑拨，挑衅的事物，激怒的原因 | |
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knuckles
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| n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝 | |
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steward
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| n.乘务员，服务员；看管人；膳食管理员 | |
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meddling
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| v.干涉，干预（他人事务）( meddle的现在分词 ) | |
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bruised
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| [医]青肿的，瘀紫的 | |
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budge
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| v.移动一点儿；改变立场 | |
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tickled
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| （使）发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）愉快，逗乐 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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