A further account of Glubbdubdrib. Ancient and modern history corrected.
Having a desire to see those ancients who were most renowned1 for wit and learning, I set apart one day on purpose. I proposed that Homer and Aristotle might appear at the head of all their commentators2; but these were so numerous, that some hundreds were forced to attend in the court, and outward rooms of the palace. I knew, and could distinguish those two heroes, at first sight, not only from the crowd, but from each other. Homer was the taller and comelier3 person of the two, walked very erect4 for one of his age, and his eyes were the most quick and piercing I ever beheld5. Aristotle stooped much, and made use of a staff. His visage was meagre, his hair lank6 and thin, and his voice hollow. I soon discovered that both of them were perfect strangers to the rest of the company, and had never seen or heard of them before; and I had a whisper from a ghost who shall be nameless, “that these commentators always kept in the most distant quarters from their principals, in the lower world, through a consciousness of shame and guilt7, because they had so horribly misrepresented the meaning of those authors to posterity8.” I introduced Didymus and Eustathius to Homer, and prevailed on him to treat them better than perhaps they deserved, for he soon found they wanted a genius to enter into the spirit of a poet. But Aristotle was out of all patience with the account I gave him of Scotus and Ramus, as I presented them to him; and he asked them, “whether the rest of the tribe were as great dunces as themselves?”
I then desired the governor to call up Descartes and Gassendi, with whom I prevailed to explain their systems to Aristotle. This great philosopher freely acknowledged his own mistakes in natural philosophy, because he proceeded in many things upon conjecture9, as all men must do; and he found that Gassendi, who had made the doctrine10 of Epicurus as palatable11 as he could, and the vortices of Descartes, were equally to be exploded. He predicted the same fate to ATTRACTION, whereof the present learned are such zealous12 asserters. He said, “that new systems of nature were but new fashions, which would vary in every age; and even those, who pretend to demonstrate them from mathematical principles, would flourish but a short period of time, and be out of vogue13 when that was determined14.”
I spent five days in conversing15 with many others of the ancient learned. I saw most of the first Roman emperors. I prevailed on the governor to call up Heliogabalus’s cooks to dress us a dinner, but they could not show us much of their skill, for want of materials. A helot of Agesilaus made us a dish of Spartan16 broth17, but I was not able to get down a second spoonful.
The two gentlemen, who conducted me to the island, were pressed by their private affairs to return in three days, which I employed in seeing some of the modern dead, who had made the greatest figure, for two or three hundred years past, in our own and other countries of Europe; and having been always a great admirer of old illustrious families, I desired the governor would call up a dozen or two of kings, with their ancestors in order for eight or nine generations. But my disappointment was grievous and unexpected. For, instead of a long train with royal diadems18, I saw in one family two fiddlers, three spruce courtiers, and an Italian prelate. In another, a barber, an abbot, and two cardinals19. I have too great a veneration20 for crowned heads, to dwell any longer on so nice a subject. But as to counts, marquises, dukes, earls, and the like, I was not so scrupulous21. And I confess, it was not without some pleasure, that I found myself able to trace the particular features, by which certain families are distinguished22, up to their originals. I could plainly discover whence one family derives23 a long chin; why a second has abounded24 with knaves25 for two generations, and fools for two more; why a third happened to be crack-brained, and a fourth to be sharpers; whence it came, what Polydore Virgil says of a certain great house, Nec vir fortis, nec foemina casta; how cruelty, falsehood, and cowardice26, grew to be characteristics by which certain families are distinguished as much as by their coats of arms; who first brought the pox into a noble house, which has lineally descended27 scrofulous tumours28 to their posterity. Neither could I wonder at all this, when I saw such an interruption of lineages, by pages, lackeys29, valets, coachmen, gamesters, fiddlers, players, captains, and pickpockets30.
I was chiefly disgusted with modern history. For having strictly31 examined all the persons of greatest name in the courts of princes, for a hundred years past, I found how the world had been misled by prostitute writers, to ascribe the greatest exploits in war, to cowards; the wisest counsel, to fools; sincerity32, to flatterers; Roman virtue33, to betrayers of their country; piety34, to atheists; chastity, to sodomites; truth, to informers: how many innocent and excellent persons had been condemned35 to death or banishment36 by the practising of great ministers upon the corruption37 of judges, and the malice38 of factions39: how many villains40 had been exalted41 to the highest places of trust, power, dignity, and profit: how great a share in the motions and events of courts, councils, and senates might be challenged by bawds, whores, pimps, parasites42, and buffoons43. How low an opinion I had of human wisdom and integrity, when I was truly informed of the springs and motives44 of great enterprises and revolutions in the world, and of the contemptible45 accidents to which they owed their success.
Here I discovered the roguery and ignorance of those who pretend to write anecdotes46, or secret history; who send so many kings to their graves with a cup of poison; will repeat the discourse47 between a prince and chief minister, where no witness was by; unlock the thoughts and cabinets of ambassadors and secretaries of state; and have the perpetual misfortune to be mistaken. Here I discovered the true causes of many great events that have surprised the world; how a whore can govern the back-stairs, the back-stairs a council, and the council a senate. A general confessed, in my presence, “that he got a victory purely48 by the force of cowardice and ill conduct;” and an admiral, “that, for want of proper intelligence, he beat the enemy, to whom he intended to betray the fleet.” Three kings protested to me, “that in their whole reigns49 they never did once prefer any person of merit, unless by mistake, or treachery of some minister in whom they confided50; neither would they do it if they were to live again:” and they showed, with great strength of reason, “that the royal throne could not be supported without corruption, because that positive, confident, restiff temper, which virtue infused into a man, was a perpetual clog51 to public business.”
I had the curiosity to inquire in a particular manner, by what methods great numbers had procured52 to themselves high titles of honour, and prodigious53 estates; and I confined my inquiry54 to a very modern period: however, without grating upon present times, because I would be sure to give no offence even to foreigners (for I hope the reader need not be told, that I do not in the least intend my own country, in what I say upon this occasion,) a great number of persons concerned were called up; and, upon a very slight examination, discovered such a scene of infamy55, that I cannot reflect upon it without some seriousness. Perjury56, oppression, subornation, fraud, pandarism, and the like infirmities, were among the most excusable arts they had to mention; and for these I gave, as it was reasonable, great allowance. But when some confessed they owed their greatness and wealth to sodomy, or incest; others, to the prostituting of their own wives and daughters; others, to the betraying of their country or their prince; some, to poisoning; more to the perverting57 of justice, in order to destroy the innocent, I hope I may be pardoned, if these discoveries inclined me a little to abate58 of that profound veneration, which I am naturally apt to pay to persons of high rank, who ought to be treated with the utmost respect due to their sublime59 dignity, by us their inferiors.
I had often read of some great services done to princes and states, and desired to see the persons by whom those services were performed. Upon inquiry I was told, “that their names were to be found on no record, except a few of them, whom history has represented as the vilest62 of rogues63 and traitors64.” As to the rest, I had never once heard of them. They all appeared with dejected looks, and in the meanest habit; most of them telling me, “they died in poverty and disgrace, and the rest on a scaffold or a gibbet.”
Among others, there was one person, whose case appeared a little singular. He had a youth about eighteen years old standing65 by his side. He told me, “he had for many years been commander of a ship; and in the sea fight at Actium had the good fortune to break through the enemy’s great line of battle, sink three of their capital ships, and take a fourth, which was the sole cause of Antony’s flight, and of the victory that ensued; that the youth standing by him, his only son, was killed in the action.” He added, “that upon the confidence of some merit, the war being at an end, he went to Rome, and solicited66 at the court of Augustus to be preferred to a greater ship, whose commander had been killed; but, without any regard to his pretensions67, it was given to a boy who had never seen the sea, the son of Libertina, who waited on one of the emperor’s mistresses. Returning back to his own vessel68, he was charged with neglect of duty, and the ship given to a favourite page of Publicola, the vice60-admiral; whereupon he retired69 to a poor farm at a great distance from Rome, and there ended his life.” I was so curious to know the truth of this story, that I desired Agrippa might be called, who was admiral in that fight. He appeared, and confirmed the whole account: but with much more advantage to the captain, whose modesty70 had extenuated71 or concealed72 a great part of his merit.
I was surprised to find corruption grown so high and so quick in that empire, by the force of luxury so lately introduced; which made me less wonder at many parallel cases in other countries, where vices61 of all kinds have reigned73 so much longer, and where the whole praise, as well as pillage74, has been engrossed75 by the chief commander, who perhaps had the least title to either.
As every person called up made exactly the same appearance he had done in the world, it gave me melancholy76 reflections to observe how much the race of human kind was degenerated77 among us within these hundred years past; how the pox, under all its consequences and denominations78 had altered every lineament of an English countenance79; shortened the size of bodies, unbraced the nerves, relaxed the sinews and muscles, introduced a sallow complexion80, and rendered the flesh loose and rancid.
I descended so low, as to desire some English yeoman of the old stamp might be summoned to appear; once so famous for the simplicity81 of their manners, diet, and dress; for justice in their dealings; for their true spirit of liberty; for their valour, and love of their country. Neither could I be wholly unmoved, after comparing the living with the dead, when I considered how all these pure native virtues82 were prostituted for a piece of money by their grand-children; who, in selling their votes and managing at elections, have acquired every vice and corruption that can possibly be learned in a court.
1 renowned | |
adj.著名的,有名望的,声誉鹊起的 | |
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2 commentators | |
n.评论员( commentator的名词复数 );时事评论员;注释者;实况广播员 | |
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3 comelier | |
adj.英俊的,好看的( comely的比较级 ) | |
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4 erect | |
n./v.树立,建立,使竖立;adj.直立的,垂直的 | |
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5 beheld | |
v.看,注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 );瞧;看呀;(叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现)哎哟 | |
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6 lank | |
adj.瘦削的;稀疏的 | |
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7 guilt | |
n.犯罪;内疚;过失,罪责 | |
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8 posterity | |
n.后裔,子孙,后代 | |
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9 conjecture | |
n./v.推测,猜测 | |
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10 doctrine | |
n.教义;主义;学说 | |
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11 palatable | |
adj.可口的,美味的;惬意的 | |
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12 zealous | |
adj.狂热的,热心的 | |
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13 Vogue | |
n.时髦,时尚;adj.流行的 | |
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14 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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15 conversing | |
v.交谈,谈话( converse的现在分词 ) | |
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16 spartan | |
adj.简朴的,刻苦的;n.斯巴达;斯巴达式的人 | |
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17 broth | |
n.原(汁)汤(鱼汤、肉汤、菜汤等) | |
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18 diadems | |
n.王冠,王权,带状头饰( diadem的名词复数 ) | |
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19 cardinals | |
红衣主教( cardinal的名词复数 ); 红衣凤头鸟(见于北美,雄鸟为鲜红色); 基数 | |
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20 veneration | |
n.尊敬,崇拜 | |
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21 scrupulous | |
adj.审慎的,小心翼翼的,完全的,纯粹的 | |
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22 distinguished | |
adj.卓越的,杰出的,著名的 | |
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23 derives | |
v.得到( derive的第三人称单数 );(从…中)得到获得;源于;(从…中)提取 | |
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24 abounded | |
v.大量存在,充满,富于( abound的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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25 knaves | |
n.恶棍,无赖( knave的名词复数 );(纸牌中的)杰克 | |
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26 cowardice | |
n.胆小,怯懦 | |
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27 descended | |
a.为...后裔的,出身于...的 | |
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28 tumours | |
肿瘤( tumour的名词复数 ) | |
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29 lackeys | |
n.听差( lackey的名词复数 );男仆(通常穿制服);卑躬屈膝的人;被待为奴仆的人 | |
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30 pickpockets | |
n.扒手( pickpocket的名词复数 ) | |
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31 strictly | |
adv.严厉地,严格地;严密地 | |
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32 sincerity | |
n.真诚,诚意;真实 | |
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33 virtue | |
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力 | |
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34 piety | |
n.虔诚,虔敬 | |
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35 condemned | |
adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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36 banishment | |
n.放逐,驱逐 | |
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37 corruption | |
n.腐败,堕落,贪污 | |
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38 malice | |
n.恶意,怨恨,蓄意;[律]预谋 | |
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39 factions | |
组织中的小派别,派系( faction的名词复数 ) | |
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40 villains | |
n.恶棍( villain的名词复数 );罪犯;(小说、戏剧等中的)反面人物;淘气鬼 | |
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41 exalted | |
adj.(地位等)高的,崇高的;尊贵的,高尚的 | |
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42 parasites | |
寄生物( parasite的名词复数 ); 靠他人为生的人; 诸虫 | |
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43 buffoons | |
n.愚蠢的人( buffoon的名词复数 );傻瓜;逗乐小丑;滑稽的人 | |
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44 motives | |
n.动机,目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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45 contemptible | |
adj.可鄙的,可轻视的,卑劣的 | |
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46 anecdotes | |
n.掌故,趣闻,轶事( anecdote的名词复数 ) | |
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47 discourse | |
n.论文,演说;谈话;话语;vi.讲述,著述 | |
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48 purely | |
adv.纯粹地,完全地 | |
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49 reigns | |
n.君主的统治( reign的名词复数 );君主统治时期;任期;当政期 | |
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50 confided | |
v.吐露(秘密,心事等)( confide的过去式和过去分词 );(向某人)吐露(隐私、秘密等) | |
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51 clog | |
vt.塞满,阻塞;n.[常pl.]木屐 | |
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52 procured | |
v.(努力)取得, (设法)获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 );拉皮条 | |
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53 prodigious | |
adj.惊人的,奇妙的;异常的;巨大的;庞大的 | |
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54 inquiry | |
n.打听,询问,调查,查问 | |
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55 infamy | |
n.声名狼藉,出丑,恶行 | |
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56 perjury | |
n.伪证;伪证罪 | |
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57 perverting | |
v.滥用( pervert的现在分词 );腐蚀;败坏;使堕落 | |
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58 abate | |
vi.(风势,疼痛等)减弱,减轻,减退 | |
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59 sublime | |
adj.崇高的,伟大的;极度的,不顾后果的 | |
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60 vice | |
n.坏事;恶习;[pl.]台钳,老虎钳;adj.副的 | |
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61 vices | |
缺陷( vice的名词复数 ); 恶习; 不道德行为; 台钳 | |
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62 vilest | |
adj.卑鄙的( vile的最高级 );可耻的;极坏的;非常讨厌的 | |
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63 rogues | |
n.流氓( rogue的名词复数 );无赖;调皮捣蛋的人;离群的野兽 | |
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64 traitors | |
卖国贼( traitor的名词复数 ); 叛徒; 背叛者; 背信弃义的人 | |
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65 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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66 solicited | |
v.恳求( solicit的过去式和过去分词 );(指娼妇)拉客;索求;征求 | |
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67 pretensions | |
自称( pretension的名词复数 ); 自命不凡; 要求; 权力 | |
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68 vessel | |
n.船舶;容器,器皿;管,导管,血管 | |
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69 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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70 modesty | |
n.谦逊,虚心,端庄,稳重,羞怯,朴素 | |
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71 extenuated | |
v.(用偏袒的辩解或借口)减轻( extenuate的过去式和过去分词 );低估,藐视 | |
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72 concealed | |
a.隐藏的,隐蔽的 | |
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73 reigned | |
vi.当政,统治(reign的过去式形式) | |
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74 pillage | |
v.抢劫;掠夺;n.抢劫,掠夺;掠夺物 | |
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75 engrossed | |
adj.全神贯注的 | |
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76 melancholy | |
n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的 | |
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77 degenerated | |
衰退,堕落,退化( degenerate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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78 denominations | |
n.宗派( denomination的名词复数 );教派;面额;名称 | |
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79 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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80 complexion | |
n.肤色;情况,局面;气质,性格 | |
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81 simplicity | |
n.简单,简易;朴素;直率,单纯 | |
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82 virtues | |
美德( virtue的名词复数 ); 德行; 优点; 长处 | |
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