Extracts from Jane Hardie’s Diary.
“March 3rd.— In my district again, the first time since my illness, from which I am indeed but half recovered. Spoke2 faithfully to Mrs. B. about her infidel husband: told her not to try and talk to him, but to talk to God about him. Gave her my tract1 ‘A quiet heart.’ Came home tired. Prayed to be used to sharpen the sickles3 of other reapers4.
“March 4th.— At St. Philip’s to hear the Bishop5. In the midst of an excellent sermon on Gen. i. 2, he came out with the waters of baptism, to my horror: he disclaimed6 the extravagant7 views some of them take, then hankered after what he denied, and then partly unsaid that too. While the poor man was trimming his sails, I slunk behind a pillar in the corner of my pew, and fell on my knees, and prayed (a) against the stream of poison flowing on the congregation. Oh, I felt like Jeremiah in his dungeon8.
“In the evening papa forbade me to go to church again: said the wind was too cold: I kissed him, and went up to my room and put my head between the pillows not to hear the bells. Prayed for poor (b) Alfred.”
“March 5th.— Sadly disappointed in J. D. I did hope he was embittering9 the world to her by degrees. But for some time past she writes in ill-concealed spirits.
“Another friend, after seeking rest in the world, is now seeking it in ritualism. May both be drawn11 from their rotten reeds to the cross
‘And oh this moral may my heart retain,
All hopes of happiness on earth are vain.’”
“March 6th.— The cat is out of the bag. She is corresponding with Alfred: indeed she makes no secret of it. Wrote her a (c) faithful letter. Received a short reply, saying I had made her unhappy, and begging me to suspend my judgment12 till she could undeceive me without giving me too much pain. What mystery is this?”
March 7th.— Alfred announces his unalterable determination to marry Julia. I read the letter to papa directly. He was silent for a long time: and then said: ‘All the worse for both of them.’ It was all I could do to suppress a thrill of carnal complacency at the thought this might in time pave the way to another union. Even to think of that now is a sin. 1 Cor. vii. 20–4, plainly shows that whatever position (d) of life we are placed in, there it is our duty to abide13. A child, for instance, is placed in subjection to her parents; and must not leave them without their consent.”
“March 8th.— Sent two cups of cold water to two fellow-pilgrims of mine on the way to Jerusalem, viz: to E. H., Rom. viii. 1; to Mrs. M., Philipp. ii. 27.
“Prayed for increase of humility14. I am so afraid my great success in His vineyard has seduced15 me into feeling as if there was a spring of living water in myself, instead of every drop being derived16 from the true fountain.”
“March 9th.— Dr. Wycherley closeted two hours with papa — papa had sent for him, I find. What is it makes me think that man is no true friend to Alfred in his advice? I don’t like these roundabout speakers: the lively oracles17 are not roundabout.”
“March 10th.— My beloved friend and fellow-labourer, Charlotte D— — ruptured18 a blood-vessel (x) at three P. M., and was conveyed in the chariots of angels to the heavenly banqueting-house, to go no more out. May I be found watching.
“March 11th.— Dreadfully starved with these afternoon sermons. If they go on like this, I really must stay at home, and feed upon the word.”
“March 12th.— Alfred has written to his trustees, and announced his coming marriage, and told them he is going to settle all his money upon the Dodds. Papa quite agitated19 by this news: it did not come from Alfred; one of the trustees wrote to papa. Oh, the blessing20 of Heaven will never rest on this unnatural21 marriage. Wrote a faithful letter to Alfred while papa was writing to our trustee.”
“March 13th.— My book on Solomon’s Song now ready for publication. But it is so difficult now-a-days to find a publisher for such a subject. The rage is for sentimental22 sermons, or else for fiction (f) under a thin disguise of religious biography.”
“March l4th.— Mr. Plummer, of whose zeal23 and unction I had heard so much, was in the town and heard of me, and came to see me by appointment just after luncheon24. Such a sweet meeting. He came in and took my hand, and in that posture25 prayed that the Holy Spirit might be with us to make our conversation profitable to us, and redound26 to His glory. Poor man, his wife leads him a cat and dog life, I hear, with her jealousy27. We had a sweet talk; he admires Canticles almost as much as I do (z): and has promised to take my book and get it cast on the Lord (g) for me.
“March 15th.— To please, one must not be faithful. (h) Miss L., after losing all her relations, and at thirty years of age, is to be married next week. She came to me and gushed28 out about the blessing of having at last one earthly friend to whom she could confide29 everything. On this I felt it my duty to remind her she might lose him by death, and then what a blank; and I was going on to detach her from the arm of flesh, when she burst out crying, and left me abruptly30; couldn’t bear the truth, poor woman.
“In the afternoon met him and bowed, and longed to speak, but thought it my duty not to: cried bitterly on reaching home.”
“March l7th.— Transcribed31 all the (i) texts on Solomon’s Song. It seems to be the way He (j) has marked out for me to serve him.”
“March 19th.— Received this letter from Alfred:
‘DEAR JANE — I send you a dozen kisses and a piece of advice; learn more; teach less: study more; preach less: and don’t be in such a hurry to judge and condemn32 your intellectual and moral superiors, on insufficient33 information. — Your affectionate brother,
ALFRED.’
A poor return for me loving his soul as my own. I do but advise him the self-denial I myself pursue. Woe34 be to him if he rejects it.”
“March 20th.— A perverse35 reply from J. D. I had proposed we should plead for our parents at the Throne. She says she fears that might seem like assuming the office of the mediator36: and besides her mother is nearer Heaven than she is. What blindness! I don’t know a more thoroughly37 unhealthy mind than poor Mrs. (k) Dodd’s. I am learning to pray walking. Got this idea from Mr. Plummer. How closely he walks! his mind so exactly suits mine.
“March 22nd.— Alfred returned. Went to meet him at the station. How bright and handsome he looked! He kissed me so affectionately; and was as kind and loving as could be: I, poor unfaithful wretch38, went hanging (m) on his arm, and had not the heart to dash his carnal happiness just then.
“He is gone there.”
“March 24th.— Stole into Alfred’s lodging39 when he was out; and, after prayer, pinned Deuteronomy xxvii. 16, Proverbs xiii. 1, and xv. 5, and Mark vii. 10, upon his bed-curtains.”
“March 25th.— Alfred has been in my room, and nailed Matthew vii. 1, Mark x. 7, and Ezek. xviii. 20, on my wall. He found my diary, and has read it, not to profit by, alas40! but to scoff41.”
[Specimen of Alfred’s comments. N.B. Fraternal criticism:
A. Nolo Episcopari.
B. It’s an ill wind that blows nobody good.
D. The old trick; picking one text, straining it; and ignoring six. So then nobody who is not born married, must get married.
E. Recipe. To know people’s real estimate of themselves, study their language of self-depreciation. If, even when they undertake to lower themselves, they cannot help insinuating42 self-praise, be sure their humility is a puddle43, their vanity is a well. This sentence is typical of the whole Diary or rather Iary; it sounds Publican, smells Pharisee.
X. How potent44 a thing is language in the hand of a master: Here is sudden death made humorous by a few incongruous phrases neatly45 disposed.
F. Excuse me; there is still a little market for the Liquefaction of Holy Writ10, and the perversion46 of Holy Writ; two deathless arts, which meet in your comment on the song you ascribe to Solomon.
Z. More than Mrs. Plummer does, apparently47.
G. Apotheosis48 of the British public. How very like profaneness49 some people’s piety50 is!
C. H. Faith, with this school, means anything the opposite of Charity.
I. You are morally truthful51: but intellectually mendacious52. The texts on Solomon’s Song! You know very well there is not one. No grave writer in all Scripture53 has ever deigned54 to cite, or notice, that coarse composition; puellarum deliciae.
J. Modest periphrasis for “I like it.” Motto for this Diary; “Ego, et Deus meus.”
K. In other words, a good, old-fashioned, sober, humble55 Christian56, to whom the daring familiarities of your school seem blasphemies57.
M. Here I recognise my sister; somewhat spoiled by a detestable sect58; but lovable by nature (which she is for ever abusing); and therefore always amiable59, when off her guard.]
“March 28th.— Mr. Crawford the attorney called and told papa his son had instructed him to examine the trust-deed, and to draw his marriage settlement. Papa treated him with the greatest civility, and brought him the deed. He wanted to take it away to copy; but papa said he had better send a clerk here. Poor papa hid his distress60 from this gentleman, though not from me; and gave him a glass of wine.
“Then Mr. Crawford chatted, and let out Alfred had asked him to advance a hundred pounds for the wedding presents, &c. Papa said he might do so with perfect safety.
“But the moment he was gone, his whole manner changed. He walked about in terrible anger and agitation61: and then sat down and wrote letters; one was to uncle Thomas; and one to a Mr. Wycherley; I believe a brother of the doctor’s. I never knew him so long writing two letters before.
“Heard a noise in the road, and it was Mr. Maxley, and the boys after him hooting62; they have found out his infirmity: what a savage63 animal is man, till grace changes him! The poor soul had a stick, and now and then turned and struck at them but his tormentors were too nimble. I drew papa to the window, and showed him, and reminded him of the poor man’s request. He answered impatiently what was that to him? ‘We have a worse case nearer hand. Charity begins at home.’ I ventured to say yes, but it did not begin and end at home.”
“March 31st.— Mr. Osmond here today; and over my work I heard papa tell him Alfred is blackening his character in the town with some impossible story about fourteen thousand pounds. Mr. Osmond very kind and sympathising; set it all down to illusion; assured papa there was neither malice64 nor insincerity in it. ‘But what the better am I for that?’ said poor papa; ‘if I am slandered65, I am slandered.’ And they went out together.
“Papa seems to feel this engagement more than all his troubles, and, knowing by sad experience it is useless to expostulate with Alfred, I wrote a long and faithful letter to Julia just before luncheon, putting it to her as a Christian whether she could reconcile it to her profession to set a son against his father, and marry him in open defiance66.
“She replied, 3 P. M., that her mother approved the marriage, and she owed no obedience67, nor affection either, to my parent
“3.30. Sent back a line rebuking68 her for this quibble.
“At 5 received a note from Mrs. Dodd proposing that the correspondence between myself and her daughter should cease for the present.
5.30. Retorted with an amendment69 that it should cease for ever. No reply. Such are worldlings! Remonstrance70 only galls71 them. And so in one afternoon’s correspondence ends one more of my Christian friendships with persons of my own sex. This is the eighth to which a carnal attachment72 has been speedily fatal.
“In the evening Alfred came in looking very red, and asked me whether it was not self-reliant and uncharitable of me to condemn so many estimable persons, all better acquainted with the circumstances than I am. I replied with the fifth commandment. He bit his lip and said, ‘We had better not meet again, until you have found out which is worthiest73 of honour, your father or your brother.’ And with this he left abruptly; and something tells me I shall not see him again. My faithfulness has wounded him to the quick. Alas! Prayed for him and cried myself to sleep.”
“April 4th. Met him disguised as a common workman, and carrying a sack full of things. I was so shocked I could not maintain my resolution: I said, ‘Oh, Mr. Edward, what are you doing?’ He blushed a little, but told me he was going to sell some candlesticks and things of his making: and he should get a better price in that dress; all traders looked on a gentleman as a thing made to be pillaged74. Then he told me he was going to turn them into a bonnet75 and a wreath; and his beautiful brown eyes sparkled with affection. What egotistical creatures they must be! I was quite overcome, and said, Oh why did he refuse our offer? Did he hate me so very much that he would not even take his due from my hand? ‘No,’ he said, ‘nobody in our house is so unjust to you as to hate you; my sister honours you, and is very sorry you think ill of her: and, as for me, I love you; you know how I love you.’ I hid my face in my hands; and sobbed76 out, ‘Oh, you must not; you must not; my poor father has one disobedient child already.’ He said softly, ‘Don’t cry, dear one; have a little patience; perhaps the clouds will clear: and, meantime, why think so ill of us? Consider, we are four in number, of different dispositious, yet all of one mind about Julia marrying Alfred. May we not be right; may we not know something we love you too well to tell you?’ His words and his rich manly77 voice were so soothing78; I gave him just one hand while I still hid my burning face with the other; he kissed the hand I yielded him, and left me abruptly.
“If Alfred should be right! I am staggered now; he puts it so much more convincingly.”
“April 5th. A letter from Alfred, announcing his wedding by special license79 for the 11th.
“Made no reply. What could I say?
“Papa, on my reading it out left his very breakfast half finished, and packed up his bag and rushed up to London. I caught a side view of his face; and I am miserable80. Such a new, such a terrible expression! a vile81 expression! Heaven forgive me, it seemed the look of one who meditated82 a crime.”
收听单词发音 |
1
tract
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| n.传单，小册子，大片(土地或森林) | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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sickles
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reapers
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| n.收割者，收获者( reaper的名词复数 )；收割机 | |
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bishop
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| n.主教，（国际象棋）象 | |
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disclaimed
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| v.否认( disclaim的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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extravagant
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| adj.奢侈的；过分的；(言行等)放肆的 | |
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dungeon
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embittering
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| v.使怨恨，激怒( embitter的现在分词 ) | |
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writ
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| n.命令状，书面命令 | |
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drawn
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judgment
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abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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humility
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| n.谦逊，谦恭 | |
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seduced
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| 诱奸( seduce的过去式和过去分词 )； 勾引； 诱使堕落； 使入迷 | |
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derived
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| vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取 | |
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oracles
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| 神示所( oracle的名词复数 )； 神谕； 圣贤； 哲人 | |
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ruptured
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| v.（使）破裂( rupture的过去式和过去分词 )；（使体内组织等）断裂；使（友好关系）破裂；使绝交 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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zeal
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| n.热心，热情，热忱 | |
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luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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redound
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| v.有助于；提；报应 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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gushed
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| v.喷，涌( gush的过去式和过去分词 )；滔滔不绝地说话 | |
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confide
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| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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transcribed
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| （用不同的录音手段）转录( transcribe的过去式和过去分词 )； 改编（乐曲）（以适应他种乐器或声部）； 抄写； 用音标标出（声音） | |
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condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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insufficient
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| adj.(for，of)不足的，不够的 | |
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woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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perverse
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| adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的 | |
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mediator
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| n.调解人，中介人 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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lodging
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| n.寄宿，住所；(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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scoff
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| n.嘲笑，笑柄，愚弄；v.嘲笑，嘲弄，愚弄，狼吞虎咽 | |
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insinuating
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| adj.曲意巴结的，暗示的v.暗示( insinuate的现在分词 )；巧妙或迂回地潜入；（使）缓慢进入；慢慢伸入 | |
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puddle
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| n.(雨)水坑，泥潭 | |
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potent
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| adj.强有力的，有权势的；有效力的 | |
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neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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perversion
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| n.曲解；堕落；反常 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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48
apotheosis
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| n.神圣之理想；美化；颂扬 | |
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profaneness
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| n.渎神，污秽 | |
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piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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truthful
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| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
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mendacious
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| adj.不真的，撒谎的 | |
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scripture
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| n.经文，圣书，手稿；Scripture:(常用复数)《圣经》，《圣经》中的一段 | |
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deigned
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| v.屈尊，俯就( deign的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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blasphemies
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| n.对上帝的亵渎，亵渎的言词[行为]( blasphemy的名词复数 )；侮慢的言词（或行为） | |
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sect
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| n.派别，宗教，学派，派系 | |
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amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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hooting
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| （使）作汽笛声响，作汽车喇叭声( hoot的现在分词 )； 倒好儿； 倒彩 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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malice
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| n.恶意，怨恨，蓄意；[律]预谋 | |
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slandered
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| 造谣中伤( slander的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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rebuking
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| 责难或指责( rebuke的现在分词 ) | |
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amendment
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| n.改正，修正，改善，修正案 | |
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70
remonstrance
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| n抗议，抱怨 | |
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71
galls
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| v.使…擦痛( gall的第三人称单数 )；擦伤；烦扰；侮辱 | |
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72
attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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73
worthiest
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| 应得某事物( worthy的最高级 )； 值得做某事； 可尊敬的； 有（某人或事物）的典型特征 | |
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74
pillaged
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| v.抢劫，掠夺( pillage的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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bonnet
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| n.无边女帽；童帽 | |
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76
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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77
manly
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| adj.有男子气概的；adv.男子般地，果断地 | |
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78
soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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79
license
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| n.执照，许可证，特许；v.许可，特许 | |
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80
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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81
vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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meditated
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| 深思，沉思，冥想( meditate的过去式和过去分词 )； 内心策划，考虑 | |
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