So obscure were these speeches I knew not how to answer: however, reply to him I did, on a chance, as it were, and perhaps with too great a facility. Must I confess it? Alas1! yes; to conceal2 my shortcomings would be to wrong your confidence and poorly to respond to the interest my misfortunes have quickened in you. Hear then, Madame, of the one deliberate fault with which I have to reproach myself.... What am I saying, a fault? It was a folly3, an extravagance... there has never been one to equal it; but at least it is not a crime, it is merely a mistake, for which I alone have been punished, and of which it surely does not seem that the equitable4 hand of Heaven had to make use in order to plunge5 me into the abyss which yawned beneath me soon afterward6.
Whatever the foul7 treatment to which the Comte de Bressac had exposed me the first day I had met him, it had, all the same, been impossible to see him so frequently without feeling myself drawn8 toward him by an insuperable and instinctive9 tenderness. Despite all my recollections of his cruelty, all my thoughts upon his disinclinations toward women, upon the depravity of his tastes, upon the gulf10 which separated us morally, nothing in the world was able to extinguish this nascent11 passion, and had the Count called upon me to lay down my life, I would have sacrificed it for him a thousand times over. He was far from suspecting my sentiments... he was far, the ungrateful one, from divining the cause of the tears I shed every day; nevertheless, it was out of the question for him to be in doubt of my eagerness to fly to do his every bidding, to please him in every possible way, it could not have been he did not glimpse, did not have some inkling of my attentions; doubtless, because they were instinctive, they were also mindless, and went to the point of serving his errors, of serving them as far as decency12 permitted, and always of hiding them from his aunt. This behavior had in some sort won me his confidence, and all that came from him was so precious to me, I was so blinded by the little his heart offered me, that I sometimes had the weakness to believe he was not indifferent to me. But how promptly13 his excessive disorders14 disabused15 me: they were such that even his health was affected16. I several times took the liberty to represent to him the dangers of his conduct, he would hear me out patiently, then end by telling me that one does not break oneself of the vice17 he cherished.
"Ah, Therese!" he exclaimed one day, full of enthusiasm, "if only you knew this fantasy's charms, if only you could understand what one experiences from the sweet illusion of being no more than a woman! incredible inconsistency I one abhors18 that sex, yet one wishes to imitate it! Ah! how sweet it is to succeed, Therese, how delicious it is to be a slut to everyone who would have to do with you and carrying delirium19 and prostitution to their ultimate period, successively, in the very same day, to be the mistress of a porter, a marquis, a valet, a friar, to be the beloved of each one after the other, caressed20, envied, menaced, beaten, sometimes victorious21 in their arms, sometimes a victim and at their feet, melting them with caresses22, reanimating them with excesses.... Oh no, Therese, you do not understand what is this pleasure for a mind constructed like mine....
But, morals aside, if you are able to imagine this divine whimsy's physical sensations, there is no withstanding it, it is a titillation23 so lively, it is of so piquant24 a voluptuousness25... one becomes giddy, one ceases to reason, stammers26; a thousand kisses one more tender than the next do not inflame27 us with an ardor28 in any way approaching the drunkenness into which the agent plunges29 us; enlaced in his arms, our mouth glued to his, we would that our entire being were incorporated into his; we would not make but a single being with him; if we dare complain, 'tis of being neglected; we would have him, more robust30 than Hercules, enlarge us, penetrate31 us; we would have that precious semen, shot blazing to the depths of our entrails, cause, by its heat and its strength, our own to leap forth32 into his hands.... Do not suppose, Therese, we are made like other men; 'tis an entirely33 different structure we have; and, in creating us, Heaven has ornamented34 the altars at which our Celadons sacrifice with that very same sensitive membrane35 which lines your temple of Venus; we are, in that sector36, as certainly women as you are in your generative sanctuary38; not one of your pleasures is unknown to us, there is not one we do not know how to enjoy, but we have in addition to them our own, and it is this delicious combination which makes us of all men on earth the most sensitive to pleasure, the best created to experience it; it is this enchanting39 combination which renders our tastes incorrigible40, which would turn us into enthusiasts41 and frenetics were one to have the stupidity to punish us... which makes us worship, unto the grave itself, the charming God who enthralls42 us."
Thus the Count expressed himself, celebrating his eccentricities43; when I strove to speak to him of the Being to whom he owed everything, and of the grief such disorders caused his respectable aunt, I perceived nothing in him but spleen and ill-humor and especially impatience44 at having to see, in such hands and for so long, riches which, he would say, already ought to belong to him; I saw nothing but the most inveterate45 hatred46 for that so gentle woman, nothing but the most determined47 revolt against every natural sentiment. It would then be true that when in one's tastes one has been able so formally to transgress48 that law's sacred instinct, the necessary consequence of this original crime is a frightful49 penchant50 to commit every other.
Sometimes I employed the means Religion provides; almost always comforted by it, I attempted to insinuate51 its sweetnesses into this perverse52 creature's soul, more or less certain he could be restrained by those bonds were I to succeed in having him strike at the lure53; but the Count did not long tolerate my use of such weapons. A declared enemy of our most holy mysteries, a stubborn critic of the purity of our dogmas, an impassioned antagonist54 of the idea of a Supreme55 Being's existence, Monsieur de Bressac, instead of letting himself be converted by me, sought rather to work my corruption56.
"All religions start from a false premise57, Therese," he would say; "each supposes as necessary the worship of a Creator, but that creator never existed. In this connection, put yourself in mind of the sound precepts58 of that certain Coeur-de-fer who, you told me, used to labor59 over your mind as I do; nothing more just, nor more precise, than that man's principles, and the degradation60 in which we have the stupidity to keep him does not deprive him of the right to reason well.
"If all Nature's productions are the resultant effects of the laws whereof she is a captive; if her perpetual action and reaction suppose the motion necessary to her essence, what becomes of the sovereign master fools gratuitously62 give her? that is what your sagacious instructor63 said to you, dear girl. What, then, are religions if not the restraint wherewith the tyranny of the mightier64 sought to enslave the weaker? Motivated by that design, he dared say to him whom he claimed the right to dominate, that a God had forged the irons with which cruelty manacled him; and the latter, bestialized by his misery65, indistinctly believed everything the former wished. Can religions, born of these rogueries, merit respect? Is there one of them, Therese, which does not bear the stamp of imposture66 and of stupidity? What do I descry67 in them all? Mysteries which cause reason to shudder68, dogmas which outrage69 Nature, grotesque70 ceremonies which simply inspire derision and disgust.
But if amongst them all there were one which most particularly deserves our scorn and hatred, O Therese, is it not that barbaric law of the Christianity into which both of us were born? Is there any more odious71? one which so spurs both the heart and mind to revolt? How is it that rational men are still able to lend any credence72 to the obscure mutterings, to the alleged73 miracles of that appalling74 cult75's vile76 originator? Has there ever existed a rowdy scoundrel more worthy77 of public indignation! What is he but a leprous Jew who, born of a slut and a soldier in the world's meanest stews78, dared fob himself off for the spokesman of him who, they say, created the universe! With such lofty pretensions79, you will have to admit, Therese, at least a few credentials80 are necessary. But what are those of this ridiculous Ambassador? What is he going to do to prove his mission? Is the earth's face going to be changed? are the plagues which beset81 it going to be annihilated82? is the sun going to shine upon it by night as well as by day? vices83 will soil it no more? Are we going to see happiness reign61 at last?... Not at all; it is through hocus-pocus, antic capers84, and puns...
(The Marquis de Bievre never made one quite as clever as the Nazarene's to his disciple85: "Thou art Peter and upon this Rock I will build my Church"; and they tell Us that witty86 language is one of our century's innovations!)
...that God's envoy87 announces himself to the world; it is in the elegant society of manual laborers88, artisans, and streetwalkers that Heaven's minister comes to manifest his grandeur89; it is by drunken carousing90 with these, bedding with those, that God's friend, God himself, comes to bend the toughened sinner to his laws; it is by inventing nothing for his farces91 but what can satisfy either his lewdness92 or his gourmand's guts93 that the knavish94 fellow demonstrates his mission; however all that may be, he makes his fortune; a few beef-witted satellites gravitate toward the villain95; a sect37 is formed; this crowd's dogmas manage to seduce96 some Jews; slaves of the Roman power, they joyfully97 embrace a religion which, ridding them of their shackles98, makes them subject to none but a metaphysical tyranny.
Their motives99 become evident, their indocility unveils itself, the seditious louts are arrested; their captain perishes, but of a death doubtless much too merciful for his species of crime, and through an unpardonable lapse100 of intelligence, this uncouth101 boor's disciples102 are allowed to disperse103 instead of being slaughtered104 cheek to jowl with their leader. Fanaticism105 gets minds in its grip, women shriek106, fools scrape and scuffle, imbeciles believe, and lo! the most contemptible107 of beings, the most maladroit108 quacksalver, the clumsiest impostor ever to have made his entrance, there he is: behold109! God, there's God's little boy, his papa's peer; and now all his dreams are consecrated110 I and now all his epigrams are become dogmas! and all his blunders mysteries! His fabulous111 father's breast opens to receive him and that Creator, once upon a time simple, of a sudden becomes compound, triple, to humor his son, this lad so worthy of his greatness; but does that sacred God stick at that? No, surely not, his celestial112 might is going to bestow113 many another and greater favor.
At the beck and call of a priest, of, that is to say, an odd fellow foul with lies, the great God, creator of all we behold, is going to abase114 himself to the point of descending115 ten or twelve million times every morning in a morsel116 of wheat paste; this the faithful devour117 and assimilate, and God Almighty118 is lugged120 to the bottom of their intestines121 where he is speedily transmuted122 into the vilest123 excrements, and all that for the satisfaction of the tender son, odious inventor of this monstrous124 impiety125 which had its beginnings in a cabaret supper.
He spake, and it was ordained126. He said: this bread you see will be my flesh; you will digest it as such; now, I am God; hence, God will be digested by you; hence, the Creator of Heaven and Earth will be changed, because I have spoken, into the vilest stuff the body of man can exhale127, and man will eat his God, because this God is good and because he is omnipotent128. However, these blatherings increase; their growth is attributed to their authenticity129, their greatness, their sublimity130 to the puissance of him who introduced them, while in truth the commonest causes double their existence, for the credit error acquires never proved anything but the presence of swindlers on the one side and of idiots on the other. This infamous131 religion finally arrives on the throne, and it is a weak, cruel, ignorant and fanatical emperor who, enveloping132 it in the royal mantle133, soils the four corners of the earth with it. 0 Therese, what weight are these arguments to carry with an inquiring and philosophic134 mind? Is the sage135 able to see anything in this appalling heap of fables136 but the disgusting fruit of a few men's imposture and the diddled credulity of a vast number? had God willed it that we have some religion or other, and had he been truly powerful or, to frame it more suitably, had there truly been a God, would it have been by these absurd means he would have imparted his instructions to us? Would it have been through the voice of a contemptible bandit he would have shown how it were necessary to serve him? Were he supreme, were he mighty119, were he just, were he good, this God you tell me about, would it be through enigmas137 and buffooneries he would wish to teach me to serve and know him? Sovereign mover of the stars and the heart of man, may he not instruct us by employing the one or convince us by graving himself in the other? Let him, one of these days, upon the Sun indite138 the law, writ139 out in letters of fire, the law as he wants us to understand it, in the version that pleases him; then from one end of the universe to the other, all mankind will read it, will behold it at once, and thereafter will be guilty if they obey it not. But to indicate his desires nowhere but in some unknown corner of Asia; to select for witnesses the craftiest140 and most visionary of people, for alter ego141 the meanest artisan, the most absurd, him of the greatest rascality142; to frame his doctrine143 so confusedly it is impossible to make it out; to limit knowledge of it to a small group of individuals; to leave the others in error and to punish them for remaining there.... Why, no, Therese, no, these atrocities144 are not what we want for our guidance; I should prefer to die a thousand deaths rather than believe them. When atheism145 will wish for martyrs146, let it designate them; my blood is ready to be shed. Let us detest147 these horrors, Therese; let the most steadfast148 outrages149 cement the scorn which is patently their due.... My eyes were barely open when I began to loathe150 these coarse reveries; very early I made it a law unto myself to trample151 them in the dust, I took oath to return to them never more; if you would be happy, imitate me; as do I, hate, abjure152, profane153 the foul object of this dreadful cult; and this cult too, created for illusion, made like him to be reviled154 by everyone who pretends to wisdom."
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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equitable
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| adj.公平的；公正的 | |
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plunge
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| v.跳入，(使)投入，(使)陷入；猛冲 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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instinctive
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| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
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gulf
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| n.海湾；深渊，鸿沟；分歧，隔阂 | |
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nascent
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| adj.初生的，发生中的 | |
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decency
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| n.体面，得体，合宜，正派，庄重 | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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disorders
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| n.混乱( disorder的名词复数 )；凌乱；骚乱；（身心、机能）失调 | |
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disabused
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| v.去除…的错误想法( disabuse的过去式和过去分词 )；使醒悟 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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abhors
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| v.憎恶( abhor的第三人称单数 )；（厌恶地）回避；拒绝；淘汰 | |
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delirium
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| n. 神智昏迷,说胡话;极度兴奋 | |
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caressed
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| 爱抚或抚摸…( caress的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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victorious
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| adj.胜利的，得胜的 | |
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caresses
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| 爱抚，抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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titillation
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| n.搔痒，愉快；搔痒感 | |
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piquant
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| adj.辛辣的，开胃的，令人兴奋的 | |
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voluptuousness
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| n.风骚，体态丰满 | |
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stammers
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inflame
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| v.使燃烧；使极度激动；使发炎 | |
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ardor
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| n.热情，狂热 | |
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plunges
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| n.跳进，投入vt.使投入，使插入，使陷入vi.投入，跳进，陷入v.颠簸( plunge的第三人称单数 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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robust
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| adj.强壮的，强健的，粗野的，需要体力的，浓的 | |
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penetrate
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| v.透(渗)入；刺入，刺穿；洞察，了解 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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ornamented
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| adj.花式字体的v.装饰，点缀，美化( ornament的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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membrane
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| n.薄膜，膜皮，羊皮纸 | |
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sector
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| n.部门，部分；防御地段，防区；扇形 | |
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sect
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| n.派别，宗教，学派，派系 | |
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sanctuary
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| n.圣所，圣堂，寺庙；禁猎区，保护区 | |
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enchanting
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| a.讨人喜欢的 | |
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incorrigible
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| adj.难以纠正的，屡教不改的 | |
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enthusiasts
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| n.热心人，热衷者( enthusiast的名词复数 ) | |
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enthralls
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| 迷住，吸引住( enthrall的第三人称单数 )； 使感到非常愉快 | |
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eccentricities
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| n.古怪行为( eccentricity的名词复数 )；反常；怪癖 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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inveterate
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| adj.积习已深的，根深蒂固的 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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transgress
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| vt.违反，逾越 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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penchant
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| n.爱好，嗜好；（强烈的）倾向 | |
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insinuate
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| vt.含沙射影地说，暗示 | |
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perverse
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| adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的 | |
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lure
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| n.吸引人的东西，诱惑物；vt.引诱，吸引 | |
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antagonist
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| n.敌人，对抗者，对手 | |
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supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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corruption
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| n.腐败，堕落，贪污 | |
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premise
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| n.前提；v.提论，预述 | |
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precepts
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| n.规诫，戒律，箴言( precept的名词复数 ) | |
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labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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degradation
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| n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变 | |
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reign
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| n.统治时期，统治，支配，盛行；v.占优势 | |
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gratuitously
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| 平白 | |
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instructor
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| n.指导者，教员，教练 | |
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mightier
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| adj. 强有力的，强大的，巨大的 adv. 很，极其 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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imposture
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| n.冒名顶替，欺骗 | |
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descry
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| v.远远看到；发现；责备 | |
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shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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outrage
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| n.暴行，侮辱，愤怒；vt.凌辱，激怒 | |
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grotesque
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| adj.怪诞的，丑陋的；n.怪诞的图案，怪人（物） | |
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odious
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| adj.可憎的，讨厌的 | |
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credence
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| n.信用，祭器台，供桌，凭证 | |
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alleged
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| a.被指控的，嫌疑的 | |
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74
appalling
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| adj.骇人听闻的，令人震惊的，可怕的 | |
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75
cult
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| n.异教，邪教；时尚，狂热的崇拜 | |
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76
vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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77
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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78
stews
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| n.炖煮的菜肴( stew的名词复数 )；烦恼，焦虑v.炖( stew的第三人称单数 )；煨；思考；担忧 | |
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79
pretensions
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| 自称( pretension的名词复数 )； 自命不凡； 要求； 权力 | |
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80
credentials
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| n.证明，资格，证明书，证件 | |
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81
beset
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| v.镶嵌；困扰，包围 | |
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82
annihilated
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| v.（彻底）消灭( annihilate的过去式和过去分词 )；使无效；废止；彻底击溃 | |
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83
vices
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| 缺陷( vice的名词复数 )； 恶习； 不道德行为； 台钳 | |
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84
capers
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| n.开玩笑( caper的名词复数 )；刺山柑v.跳跃，雀跃( caper的第三人称单数 ) | |
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85
disciple
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| n.信徒，门徒，追随者 | |
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86
witty
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| adj.机智的，风趣的 | |
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87
envoy
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| n.使节，使者，代表，公使 | |
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88
laborers
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| n.体力劳动者，工人( laborer的名词复数 )；（熟练工人的）辅助工 | |
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89
grandeur
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| n.伟大，崇高，宏伟，庄严，豪华 | |
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90
carousing
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| v.痛饮，闹饮欢宴( carouse的现在分词 ) | |
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91
farces
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| n.笑剧( farce的名词复数 )；闹剧；笑剧剧目；作假的可笑场面 | |
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92
lewdness
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| n. 淫荡, 邪恶 | |
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93
guts
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| v.狼吞虎咽，贪婪地吃，飞碟游戏（比赛双方每组5人，相距15码，互相掷接飞碟）；毁坏（建筑物等）的内部( gut的第三人称单数 )；取出…的内脏n.勇气( gut的名词复数 )；内脏；消化道的下段；肠 | |
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94
knavish
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| adj.无赖（似）的，不正的；刁诈 | |
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villain
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| n.反派演员，反面人物；恶棍；问题的起因 | |
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96
seduce
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| vt.勾引，诱奸，诱惑，引诱 | |
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97
joyfully
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| adv. 喜悦地, 高兴地 | |
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98
shackles
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| 手铐( shackle的名词复数 )； 脚镣； 束缚； 羁绊 | |
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99
motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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100
lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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101
uncouth
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| adj.无教养的，粗鲁的 | |
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102
disciples
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| n.信徒( disciple的名词复数 )；门徒；耶稣的信徒；（尤指）耶稣十二门徒之一 | |
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103
disperse
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| vi.使分散；使消失；vt.分散；驱散 | |
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104
slaughtered
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| v.屠杀，杀戮，屠宰( slaughter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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105
fanaticism
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| n.狂热，盲信 | |
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106
shriek
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| v./n.尖叫，叫喊 | |
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107
contemptible
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| adj.可鄙的，可轻视的，卑劣的 | |
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108
maladroit
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| adj.笨拙的 | |
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109
behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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110
consecrated
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| adj.神圣的，被视为神圣的v.把…奉为神圣，给…祝圣( consecrate的过去式和过去分词 )；奉献 | |
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111
fabulous
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| adj.极好的；极为巨大的；寓言中的，传说中的 | |
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112
celestial
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| adj.天体的；天上的 | |
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113
bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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114
abase
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| v.降低，贬抑 | |
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115
descending
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| n. 下行 adj. 下降的 | |
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116
morsel
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| n.一口，一点点 | |
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117
devour
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| v.吞没；贪婪地注视或谛听，贪读；使着迷 | |
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118
almighty
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| adj.全能的，万能的；很大的，很强的 | |
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119
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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120
lugged
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| vt.用力拖拉（lug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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121
intestines
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| n.肠( intestine的名词复数 ) | |
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122
transmuted
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| v.使变形，使变质，把…变成…( transmute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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123
vilest
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| adj.卑鄙的( vile的最高级 )；可耻的；极坏的；非常讨厌的 | |
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124
monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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125
impiety
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| n.不敬；不孝 | |
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126
ordained
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| v.任命（某人）为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 )；授予（某人）圣职；（上帝、法律等）命令；判定 | |
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127
exhale
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| v.呼气，散出，吐出，蒸发 | |
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128
omnipotent
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| adj.全能的，万能的 | |
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129
authenticity
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| n.真实性 | |
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130
sublimity
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| 崇高，庄严，气质高尚 | |
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131
infamous
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| adj.声名狼藉的，臭名昭著的，邪恶的 | |
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132
enveloping
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| v.包围，笼罩，包住( envelop的现在分词 ) | |
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133
mantle
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| n.斗篷，覆罩之物，罩子；v.罩住，覆盖，脸红 | |
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134
philosophic
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| adj.哲学的，贤明的 | |
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135
sage
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| n.圣人，哲人；adj.贤明的，明智的 | |
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136
fables
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| n.寓言( fable的名词复数 )；神话，传说 | |
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137
enigmas
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| n.难于理解的问题、人、物、情况等，奥秘( enigma的名词复数 ) | |
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138
indite
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| v.写（文章，信等）创作 | |
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139
writ
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| n.命令状，书面命令 | |
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140
craftiest
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| 狡猾的，狡诈的( crafty的最高级 ) | |
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141
ego
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| n.自我，自己，自尊 | |
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142
rascality
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| 流氓性，流氓集团 | |
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143
doctrine
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| n.教义；主义；学说 | |
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144
atrocities
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| n.邪恶，暴行( atrocity的名词复数 )；滔天大罪 | |
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145
atheism
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| n.无神论，不信神 | |
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146
martyrs
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| n.martyr的复数形式；烈士( martyr的名词复数 )；殉道者；殉教者；乞怜者（向人诉苦以博取同情） | |
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147
detest
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| vt.痛恨，憎恶 | |
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148
steadfast
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| adj.固定的，不变的，不动摇的；忠实的；坚贞不移的 | |
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149
outrages
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| 引起…的义愤，激怒( outrage的第三人称单数 ) | |
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150
loathe
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| v.厌恶，嫌恶 | |
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151
trample
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| vt.踩，践踏；无视，伤害，侵犯 | |
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152
abjure
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| v.发誓放弃 | |
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153
profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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154
reviled
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| v.辱骂，痛斥( revile的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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