What passed between the lady and Mrs Slipslop; in which we prophesy1 there are some strokes which every one will not truly comprehend at the first reading.
“Slipslop,” said the lady, “I find too much reason to believe all thou hast told me of this wicked Joseph; I have determined2 to part with him instantly; so go you to the steward3, and bid him pay his wages.” Slipslop, who had preserved hitherto a distance to her lady — rather out of necessity than inclination4 — and who thought the knowledge of this secret had thrown down all distinction between them, answered her mistress very pertly — “She wished she knew her own mind; and that she was certain she would call her back again before she was got half-way downstairs.” The lady replied, she had taken a resolution, and was resolved to keep it. “I am sorry for it,” cries Slipslop, “and, if I had known you would have punished the poor lad so severely5, you should never have heard a particle of the matter. Here’s a fuss indeed about nothing!” “Nothing!” returned my lady; “do you think I will countenance6 lewdness7 in my house?” “If you will turn away every footman,” said Slipslop, “that is a lover of the sport, you must soon open the coach door yourself, or get a set of mophrodites to wait upon you; and I am sure I hated the sight of them even singing in an opera.” “Do as I bid you,” says my lady, “and don’t shock my ears with your beastly language.” “Marry-come-up,” cries Slipslop, “people’s ears are sometimes the nicest part about them.”
The lady, who began to admire the new style in which her waiting-gentlewoman delivered herself, and by the conclusion of her speech suspected somewhat of the truth, called her back, and desired to know what she meant by the extraordinary degree of freedom in which she thought proper to indulge her tongue. “Freedom!” says Slipslop; “I don’t know what you call freedom, madam; servants have tongues as well as their mistresses.” “Yes, and saucy8 ones too,” answered the lady; “but I assure you I shall bear no such impertinence.” “Impertinence! I don’t know that I am impertinent,” says Slipslop. “Yes, indeed you are,” cries my lady, “and, unless you mend your manners, this house is no place for you.” “Manners!” cries Slipslop; “I never was thought to want manners nor modesty9 neither; and for places, there are more places than one; and I know what I know.” “What do you know, mistress?” answered the lady. “I am not obliged to tell that to everybody,” says Slipslop, “any more than I am obliged to keep it a secret.” “I desire you would provide yourself,” answered the lady. “With all my heart,” replied the waiting-gentlewoman; and so departed in a passion, and slapped the door after her.
The lady too plainly perceived that her waiting-gentlewoman knew more than she would willingly have had her acquainted with; and this she imputed10 to Joseph’s having discovered to her what passed at the first interview. This, therefore, blew up her rage against him, and confirmed her in a resolution of parting with him.
But the dismissing Mrs Slipslop was a point not so easily to be resolved upon. She had the utmost tenderness for her reputation, as she knew on that depended many of the most valuable blessings11 of life; particularly cards, making curtsies in public places, and, above all, the pleasure of demolishing12 the reputations of others, in which innocent amusement she had an extraordinary delight. She therefore determined to submit to any insult from a servant, rather than run a risque of losing the title to so many great privileges.
She therefore sent for her steward, Mr Peter Pounce13, and ordered him to pay Joseph his wages, to strip off his livery, and to turn him out of the house that evening.
She then called Slipslop up, and, after refreshing14 her spirits with a small cordial, which she kept in her corset, she began in the following manner:—
“Slipslop, why will you, who know my passionate15 temper, attempt to provoke me by your answers? I am convinced you are an honest servant, and should be very unwilling16 to part with you. I believe, likewise, you have found me an indulgent mistress on many occasions, and have as little reason on your side to desire a change. I can’t help being surprized, therefore, that you will take the surest method to offend me — I mean, repeating my words, which you know I have always detested17.”
The prudent18 waiting-gentlewoman had duly weighed the whole matter, and found, on mature deliberation, that a good place in possession was better than one in expectation. As she found her mistress, therefore, inclined to relent, she thought proper also to put on some small condescension19, which was as readily accepted; and so the affair was reconciled, all offences forgiven, and a present of a gown and petticoat made her, as an instance of her lady’s future favour.
She offered once or twice to speak in favour of Joseph; but found her lady’s heart so obdurate20, that she prudently21 dropt all such efforts. She considered there were more footmen in the house, and some as stout22 fellows, though not quite so handsome, as Joseph; besides, the reader hath already seen her tender advances had not met with the encouragement she might have reasonable expected. She thought she had thrown away a great deal of sack and sweetmeats on an ungrateful rascal23; and, being a little inclined to the opinion of that female sect24, who hold one lusty young fellow to be nearly as good as another lusty young fellow, she at last gave up Joseph and his cause, and, with a triumph over her passion highly commendable25, walked off with her present, and with great tranquillity26 paid a visit to a stone-bottle, which is of sovereign use to a philosophical27 temper.
She left not her mistress so easy. The poor lady could not reflect without agony that her dear reputation was in the power of her servants. all her comfort as to Joseph was, that she hoped he did not understand her meaning; at least she could say for herself, she had not plainly expressed anything to him; and as to Mrs Slipslop, she imagines she could bribe28 her to secrecy29.
But what hurt her most was, that in reality she had not so entirely30 conquered her passion; the little god lay lurking31 in her heart, though anger and distain so hood-winked her, that she could not see him. She was a thousand times on the very brink32 of revoking33 the sentence she had passed against the poor youth. Love became his advocate, and whispered many things in his favour. Honour likewise endeavoured to vindicate34 his crime, and Pity to mitigate35 his punishment. On the other side, Pride and Revenge spoke36 as loudly against him. And thus the poor lady was tortured with perplexity, opposite passions distracting and tearing her mind different ways.
So have I seen, in the hall of Westminster, where Serjeant Bramble hath been retained on the right side, and Serjeant Puzzle on the left, the balance of opinion (so equal were their fees) alternately incline to either scale. Now Bramble throws in an argument, and Puzzle’s scale strikes the beam; again Bramble shares the like fate, overpowered by the weight of Puzzle. Here Bramble hits, there Puzzle strikes; here one has you, there t’other has you; till at last all becomes one scene of confusion in the tortured minds of the hearers; equal wagers37 are laid on the success, and neither judge nor jury can possibly make anything of the matter; all things are so enveloped38 by the careful serjeants in doubt and obscurity.
Or, as it happens in the conscience, where honour and honesty pull one way, and a bribe and necessity another. — If it was our present business only to make similes39, we could produce many more to this purpose; but a simile40 (as well as a word) to the wise. — We shall therefore see a little after our hero, for whom the reader is doubtless in some pain.
1 prophesy | |
v.预言;预示 | |
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2 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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3 steward | |
n.乘务员,服务员;看管人;膳食管理员 | |
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4 inclination | |
n.倾斜;点头;弯腰;斜坡;倾度;倾向;爱好 | |
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5 severely | |
adv.严格地;严厉地;非常恶劣地 | |
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6 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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7 lewdness | |
n. 淫荡, 邪恶 | |
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8 saucy | |
adj.无礼的;俊俏的;活泼的 | |
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9 modesty | |
n.谦逊,虚心,端庄,稳重,羞怯,朴素 | |
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10 imputed | |
v.把(错误等)归咎于( impute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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11 blessings | |
n.(上帝的)祝福( blessing的名词复数 );好事;福分;因祸得福 | |
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12 demolishing | |
v.摧毁( demolish的现在分词 );推翻;拆毁(尤指大建筑物);吃光 | |
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13 pounce | |
n.猛扑;v.猛扑,突然袭击,欣然同意 | |
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14 refreshing | |
adj.使精神振作的,使人清爽的,使人喜欢的 | |
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15 passionate | |
adj.热情的,热烈的,激昂的,易动情的,易怒的,性情暴躁的 | |
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16 unwilling | |
adj.不情愿的 | |
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17 detested | |
v.憎恶,嫌恶,痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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18 prudent | |
adj.谨慎的,有远见的,精打细算的 | |
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19 condescension | |
n.自以为高人一等,贬低(别人) | |
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20 obdurate | |
adj.固执的,顽固的 | |
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21 prudently | |
adv. 谨慎地,慎重地 | |
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23 rascal | |
n.流氓;不诚实的人 | |
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24 sect | |
n.派别,宗教,学派,派系 | |
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25 commendable | |
adj.值得称赞的 | |
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26 tranquillity | |
n. 平静, 安静 | |
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27 philosophical | |
adj.哲学家的,哲学上的,达观的 | |
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28 bribe | |
n.贿赂;v.向…行贿,买通 | |
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29 secrecy | |
n.秘密,保密,隐蔽 | |
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30 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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31 lurking | |
潜在 | |
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32 brink | |
n.(悬崖、河流等的)边缘,边沿 | |
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33 revoking | |
v.撤销,取消,废除( revoke的现在分词 ) | |
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34 vindicate | |
v.为…辩护或辩解,辩明;证明…正确 | |
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35 mitigate | |
vt.(使)减轻,(使)缓和 | |
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36 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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37 wagers | |
n.赌注,用钱打赌( wager的名词复数 )v.在(某物)上赌钱,打赌( wager的第三人称单数 );保证,担保 | |
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38 enveloped | |
v.包围,笼罩,包住( envelop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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39 similes | |
(使用like或as等词语的)明喻( simile的名词复数 ) | |
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40 simile | |
n.直喻,明喻 | |
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