The escape of the thief. Mr Adams’s disappointment. The arrival of two very extraordinary personages, and the introduction of parson Adams to parson Barnabas.
Barnabas and the surgeon, being returned, as we have said, to the inn, in order to convey the thief before the justice, were greatly concerned to find a small accident had happened, which somewhat disconcerted them; and this was no other than the thief’s escape, who had modestly withdrawn1 himself by night, declining all ostentation3, and not chusing, in imitation of some great men, to distinguish himself at the expense of being pointed4 at.
When the company had retired5 the evening before, the thief was detained in a room where the constable6, and one of the young fellows who took him, were planted as his guard. About the second watch a general complaint of drought was made, both by the prisoner and his keepers. Among whom it was at last agreed that the constable should remain on duty, and the young fellow call up the tapster; in which disposition7 the latter apprehended8 not the least danger, as the constable was well armed, and could besides easily summon him back to his assistance, if the prisoner made the least attempt to gain his liberty.
The young fellow had not long left the room before it came into the constable’s head that the prisoner might leap on him by surprize, and, thereby9 preventing him of the use of his weapons, especially the long staff in which he chiefly confided10, might reduce the success of a struggle to a equal chance. He wisely, therefore, to prevent this inconvenience, slipt out of the room himself, and locked the door, waiting without with his staff in his hand, ready lifted to fell the unhappy prisoner, if by ill fortune he should attempt to break out.
But human life, as hath been discovered by some great man or other (for I would by no means be understood to affect the honour of making any such discovery), very much resembles a game at chess; for as in the latter, while a gamester is too attentive11 to secure himself very strongly on one side the board, he is apt to leave an unguarded opening on the other; so doth it often happen in life, and so did it happen on this occasion; for whilst the cautious constable with such wonderful sagacity had possessed12 himself of the door, he most unhappily forgot the window.
The thief, who played on the other side, no sooner perceived this opening than he began to move that way; and, finding the passage easy, he took with him the young fellow’s hat, and without any ceremony stepped into the street and made the best of his way.
The young fellow, returning with a double mug of strong beer, was a little surprized to find the constable at the door; but much more so when, the door being opened, he perceived the prisoner had made his escape, and which way. He threw down the beer, and, without uttering anything to the constable except a hearty13 curse or two, he nimbly leapt out of the window, and went again in pursuit of his prey14, being very unwilling15 to lose the reward which he had assured himself of.
The constable hath not been discharged of suspicion on this account; it hath been said that, not being concerned in the taking the thief, he could not have been entitled to any part of the reward if he had been convicted; that the thief had several guineas in his pocket; that it was very unlikely he should have been guilty of such an oversight16; that his pretence17 for leaving the room was absurd; that it was his constant maxim18, that a wise man never refused money on any conditions; that at every election he always had sold his vote to both parties, &c.
But, notwithstanding these and many other such allegations, I am sufficiently19 convinced of his innocence20; having been positively21 assured of it by those who received their informations from his own mouth; which, in the opinion of some moderns, is the best and indeed only evidence.
All the family were now up, and with many others assembled in the kitchen, where Mr Tow-wouse was in some tribulation22; the surgeon having declared that by law he was liable to be indicted23 for the thief’s escape, as it was out of his house; he was a little comforted, however, by Mr Barnabas’s opinion, that as the escape was by night the indictment24 would not lie.
Mrs Tow-wouse delivered herself in the following words: “Sure never was such a fool as my husband; would any other person living have left a man in the custody25 of such a drunken drowsy26 blockhead as Tom Suckbribe?” (which was the constable’s name); “and if he could be indicted without any harm to his wife and children, I should be glad of it.” (Then the bell rung in Joseph’s room.) “Why Betty, John, Chamberlain, where the devil are you all? Have you no ears, or no conscience, not to tend the sick better? See what the gentleman wants. Why don’t you go yourself, Mr Tow-wouse? But any one may die for you; you have no more feeling than a deal board. If a man lived a fortnight in your house without spending a penny, you would never put him in mind of it. See whether he drinks tea or coffee for breakfast.” “Yes, my dear,” cried Tow-wouse. She then asked the doctor and Mr Barnabas what morning’s draught28 they chose, who answered, they had a pot of cyder-and at the fire; which we will leave them merry over, and return to Joseph.
He had rose pretty early this morning; but, though his wounds were far from threatening any danger, he was so sore with the bruises29, that it was impossible for him to think of undertaking30 a journey yet; Mr Adams, therefore, whose stock was visibly decreased with the expenses of supper and breakfast, and which could not survive that day’s scoring, began to consider how it was possible to recruit it. At last he cried, “He had luckily hit on a sure method, and, though it would oblige him to return himself home together with Joseph, it mattered not much.” He then sent for Tow-wouse, and, taking him into another room, told him “he wanted to borrow three guineas, for which he would put ample security into his hands.” Tow-wouse, who expected a watch, or ring, or something of double the value, answered, “He believed he could furnish him.” Upon which Adams, pointing to his saddle-bag, told him, with a face and voice full of solemnity, “that there were in that bag no less than nine volumes of manuscript sermons, as well worth a hundred pounds as a shilling was worth twelve pence, and that he would deposit one of the volumes in his hands by way of pledge; not doubting but that he would have the honesty to return it on his repayment31 of the money; for otherwise he must be a very great loser, seeing that every volume would at least bring him ten pounds, as he had been informed by a neighbouring clergyman in the country; for,” said he, “as to my own part, having never yet dealt in printing, I do not pretend to ascertain33 the exact value of such things.”
Tow-wouse, who was a little surprized at the pawn34, said (and not without some truth), “That he was no judge of the price of such kind of goods; and as for money, he really was very short.” Adams answered, “Certainly he would not scruple35 to lend him three guineas on what was undoubtedly36 worth at least ten.” The landlord replied, “He did not believe he had so much money in the house, and besides, he was to make up a sum. He was very confident the books were of much higher value, and heartily37 sorry it did not suit him.” He then cried out, “Coming sir!” though nobody called; and ran downstairs without any fear of breaking his neck.
Poor Adams was extremely dejected at this disappointment, nor knew he what further stratagem38 to try. He immediately applied39 to his pipe, his constant friend and comfort in his afflictions; and, leaning over the rails, he devoted40 himself to meditation41, assisted by the inspiring fumes42 of tobacco.
He had on a nightcap drawn2 over his wig43, and a short greatcoat, which half covered his cassock — a dress which, added to something comical enough in his countenance44, composed a figure likely to attract the eyes of those who were not over given to observation.
Whilst he was smoaking his pipe in this posture45, a coach and six, with a numerous attendance, drove into the inn. There alighted from the coach a young fellow and a brace46 of pointers, after which another young fellow leapt from the box, and shook the former by the hand; and both, together with the dogs, were instantly conducted by Mr Tow-wouse into an apartment; whither as they passed, they entertained themselves with the following short facetious47 dialogue:—
“You are a pretty fellow for a coachman, Jack48!” says he from the coach; “you had almost overturned us just now.” — “Pox take you!” says the coachman; “if I had only broke your neck, it would have been saving somebody else the trouble; but I should have been sorry for the pointers.” — “Why, you son of a b —,” answered the other, “if nobody could shoot better than you, the pointers would be of no use.” — “D— n me,” says the coachman, “I will shoot with you five guineas a shot.” — “You be hanged,” says the other; “for five guineas you shall shoot at my a —.” — “Done,” says the coachman; “I’ll pepper you better than ever you was peppered by Jenny Bouncer.” — “Pepper your grandmother,” says the other: “Here’s Tow-wouse will let you shoot at him for a shilling a time.” — “I know his honour better,” cries Tow-wouse; “I never saw a surer shot at a partridge. Every man misses now and then; but if I could shoot half as well as his honour, I would desire no better livelihood49 than I could get by my gun.” — “Pox on you,” said the coachman, “you demolish50 more game now than your head’s worth. There’s a bitch, Tow-wouse: by G— she never blinked4 a bird in her life.” — “I have a puppy, not a year old, shall hunt with her for a hundred,” cries the other gentleman. — “Done,” says the coachman: “but you will be pox’d before you make the bett.” — “If you have a mind for a bett,” cries the coachman, “I will match my spotted51 dog with your white bitch for a hundred, play or pay.” — “Done,” says the other: “and I’ll run Baldface against Slouch with you for another.” — “No,” cries he from the box; “but I’ll venture Miss Jenny against Baldface, or Hannibal either.” — “Go to the devil,” cries he from the coach: “I will make every bett your own way, to be sure! I will match Hannibal with Slouch for a thousand, if you dare; and I say done first.”
4 To blink is a term used to signify the dog’s passing by a bird without pointing at it.
They were now arrived; and the reader will be very contented52 to leave them, and repair to the kitchen; where Barnabas, the surgeon, and an exciseman were smoaking their pipes over some cyder-and; and where the servants, who attended the two noble gentlemen we have just seen alight, were now arrived.
“Tom,” cries one of the footmen, “there’s parson Adams smoaking his pipe in the gallery.” — “Yes,” says Tom; “I pulled off my hat to him, and the parson spoke53 to me.”
“Is the gentleman a clergyman, then?” says Barnabas (for his cassock had been tied up when he arrived). “Yes, sir,” answered the footman; “and one there be but few like.” — “Aye,” said Barnabas; “if I had known it sooner, I should have desired his company; I would always shew a proper respect for the cloth: but what say you, doctor, shall we adjourn54 into a room, and invite him to take part of a bowl of punch?”
This proposal was immediately agreed to and executed; and parson Adams accepting the invitation, much civility passed between the two clergymen, who both declared the great honour they had for the cloth. They had not been long together before they entered into a discourse55 on small tithes56, which continued a full hour, without the doctor or exciseman’s having one opportunity to offer a word.
It was then proposed to begin a general conversation, and the exciseman opened on foreign affairs; but a word unluckily dropping from one of them introduced a dissertation57 on the hardships suffered by the inferior clergy32; which, after a long duration, concluded with bringing the nine volumes of sermons on the carpet.
Barnabas greatly discouraged poor Adams; he said, “The age was so wicked, that nobody read sermons: would you think it, Mr Adams?” said he, “I once intended to print a volume of sermons myself, and they had the approbation58 of two or three bishops59; but what do you think a bookseller offered me?” — “Twelve guineas perhaps,” cried Adams. — “Not twelve pence, I assure you,” answered Barnabas: “nay, the dog refused me a Concordance in exchange. At last I offered to give him the printing them, for the sake of dedicating them to that very gentleman who just now drove his own coach into the inn; and, I assure you, he had the impudence60 to refuse my offer; by which means I lost a good living, that was afterwards given away in exchange for a pointer, to one who — but I will not say anything against the cloth. So you may guess, Mr Adams, what you are to expect; for if sermons would have gone down, I believe — I will not be vain; but to be concise61 with you, three bishops said they were the best that ever were writ62: but indeed there are a pretty moderate number printed already, and not all sold yet.” — “Pray, sir,” said Adams, “to what do you think the numbers may amount?” — “Sir,” answered Barnabas, “a bookseller told me, he believed five thousand volumes at least.” — “Five thousand?” quoth the surgeon: “What can they be writ upon? I remember when I was a boy, I used to read one Tillotson’s sermons; and, I am sure, if a man practised half so much as is in one of those sermons, he will go to heaven.” — “Doctor,” cried Barnabas, “you have a prophane way of talking, for which I must reprove you. A man can never have his duty too frequently inculcated into him. And as for Tillotson, to be sure he was a good writer, and said things very well; but comparisons are odious63; another man may write as well as he — I believe there are some of my sermons,” — and then he applied the candle to his pipe. — “And I believe there are some of my discourses,” cries Adams, “which the bishops would not think totally unworthy of being printed; and I have been informed I might procure64 a very large sum (indeed an immense one) on them.” — “I doubt that,” answered Barnabas: “however, if you desire to make some money of them, perhaps you may sell them by advertising65 the manuscript sermons of a clergyman lately deceased, all warranted originals, and never printed. And now I think of it, I should be obliged to you, if there be ever a funeral one among them, to lend it me; for I am this very day to preach a funeral sermon, for which I have not penned a line, though I am to have a double price.” — Adams answered, “He had but one, which he feared would not serve his purpose, being sacred to the memory of a magistrate66, who had exerted himself very singularly in the preservation67 of the morality of his neighbours, insomuch that he had neither alehouse nor lewd68 woman in the parish where he lived.” — “No,” replied Barnabas, “that will not do quite so well; for the deceased, upon whose virtues69 I am to harangue70, was a little too much addicted71 to liquor, and publickly kept a mistress. — I believe I must take a common sermon, and trust to my memory to introduce something handsome on him.” — “To your invention rather,” said the doctor: “your memory will be apter to put you out; for no man living remembers anything good of him.”
With such kind of spiritual discourse, they emptied the bowl of punch, paid their reckoning, and separated: Adams and the doctor went up to Joseph, parson Barnabas departed to celebrate the aforesaid deceased, and the exciseman descended72 into the cellar to gauge73 the vessels74.
Joseph was now ready to sit down to a loin of mutton, and waited for Mr Adams, when he and the doctor came in. The doctor, having felt his pulse and examined his wounds, declared him much better, which he imputed75 to that sanative soporiferous draught, a medicine “whose virtues,” he said, “were never to be sufficiently extolled76.” And great indeed they must be, if Joseph was so much indebted to them as the doctor imagined; since nothing more than those effluvia which escaped the cork77 could have contributed to his recovery; for the medicine had stood untouched in the window ever since its arrival.
Joseph passed that day, and the three following, with his friend Adams, in which nothing so remarkable78 happened as the swift progress of his recovery. As he had an excellent habit of body, his wounds were now almost healed; and his bruises gave him so little uneasiness, that he pressed Mr Adams to let him depart; told him he should never be able to return sufficient thanks for all his favours, but begged that he might no longer delay his journey to London.
Adams, notwithstanding the ignorance, as he conceived it, of Mr Tow-wouse, and the envy (for such he thought it) of Mr Barnabas, had great expectations from his sermons: seeing therefore Joseph in so good a way, he told him he would agree to his setting out the next morning in the stage-coach, that he believed he should have sufficient, after the reckoning paid, to procure him one day’s conveyance79 in it, and afterwards he would be able to get on on foot, or might be favoured with a lift in some neighbour’s waggon80, especially as there was then to be a fair in the town whither the coach would carry him, to which numbers from his parish resorted — And as to himself, he agreed to proceed to the great city.
They were now walking in the inn-yard, when a fat, fair, short person rode in, and, alighting from his horse, went directly up to Barnabas, who was smoaking his pipe on a bench. The parson and the stranger shook one another very lovingly by the hand, and went into a room together.
The evening now coming on, Joseph retired to his chamber27, whither the good Adams accompanied him, and took this opportunity to expatiate81 on the great mercies God had lately shown him, of which he ought not only to have the deepest inward sense, but likewise to express outward thankfulness for them. They therefore fell both on their knees, and spent a considerable time in prayer and thanksgiving.
They had just finished when Betty came in and told Mr Adams Mr Barnabas desired to speak to him on some business of consequence below-stairs. Joseph desired, if it was likely to detain him long, he would let him know it, that he might go to bed, which Adams promised, and in that case they wished one another good-night.
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withdrawn
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| vt.收回；使退出；vi.撤退，退出 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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ostentation
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| n.夸耀，卖弄 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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constable
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| n.(英国)警察，警官 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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apprehended
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| 逮捕，拘押( apprehend的过去式和过去分词 )； 理解 | |
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thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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attentive
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| adj.注意的，专心的；关心(别人)的，殷勤的 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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oversight
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| n.勘漏，失察，疏忽 | |
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pretence
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| n.假装，作假；借口，口实；虚伪；虚饰 | |
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maxim
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| n.格言，箴言 | |
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sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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tribulation
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| n.苦难，灾难 | |
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indicted
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| 控告，起诉( indict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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indictment
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| n.起诉；诉状 | |
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custody
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| n.监护，照看，羁押，拘留 | |
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drowsy
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| adj.昏昏欲睡的，令人发困的 | |
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chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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bruises
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undertaking
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repayment
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| n.偿还，偿还款；报酬 | |
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clergy
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| n.[总称]牧师，神职人员 | |
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ascertain
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| vt.发现，确定，查明，弄清 | |
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pawn
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| n.典当，抵押，小人物，走卒；v.典当，抵押 | |
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scruple
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undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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heartily
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stratagem
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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meditation
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fumes
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| n.(强烈而刺激的)气味，气体 | |
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wig
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| n.假发 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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posture
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brace
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facetious
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| adj.轻浮的，好开玩笑的 | |
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jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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livelihood
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| n.生计，谋生之道 | |
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demolish
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| v.拆毁(建筑物等)，推翻(计划、制度等) | |
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spotted
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| adj.有斑点的，斑纹的，弄污了的 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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adjourn
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| v.（使）休会，（使）休庭 | |
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discourse
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| n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述 | |
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tithes
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| n.（宗教捐税）什一税，什一的教区税，小部分( tithe的名词复数 ) | |
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dissertation
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| n.（博士学位）论文，学术演讲，专题论文 | |
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approbation
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| n.称赞；认可 | |
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bishops
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| （基督教某些教派管辖大教区的）主教( bishop的名词复数 )； （国际象棋的）象 | |
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impudence
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| n.厚颜无耻；冒失；无礼 | |
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concise
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| adj.简洁的，简明的 | |
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writ
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| n.命令状，书面命令 | |
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odious
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| adj.可憎的，讨厌的 | |
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procure
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| vt.获得，取得，促成；vi.拉皮条 | |
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advertising
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| n.广告业；广告活动 a.广告的；广告业务的 | |
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magistrate
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| n.地方行政官，地方法官，治安官 | |
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67
preservation
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| n.保护，维护，保存，保留，保持 | |
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lewd
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| adj.淫荡的 | |
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69
virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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70
harangue
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| n.慷慨冗长的训话，言辞激烈的讲话 | |
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71
addicted
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| adj.沉溺于....的，对...上瘾的 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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gauge
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| v.精确计量；估计；n.标准度量；计量器 | |
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vessels
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| n.血管( vessel的名词复数 )；船；容器；（具有特殊品质或接受特殊品质的）人 | |
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imputed
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| v.把（错误等）归咎于( impute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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extolled
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| v.赞颂，赞扬，赞美( extol的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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cork
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| n.软木，软木塞 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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conveyance
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| n.(不动产等的)转让，让与；转让证书；传送；运送；表达；（正）运输工具 | |
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80
waggon
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| n.运货马车，运货车；敞篷车箱 | |
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expatiate
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| v.细说，详述 | |
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