Containing several curious night-adventures, in which Mr Adams fell into many hair-breadth ‘scapes, partly owing to his goodness, and partly to his inadvertency.
About an hour after they had all separated (it being now past three in the morning), beau Didapper, whose passion for Fanny permitted him not to close his eyes, but had employed his imagination in contrivances how to satisfy his desires, at last hit on a method by which he hoped to effect it. He had ordered his servant to bring him word where Fanny lay, and had received his information; he therefore arose, put on his breeches and nightgown, and stole softly along the gallery which led to her apartment; and, being come to the door, as he imagined it, he opened it with the least noise possible and entered the chamber1. A savour now invaded his nostrils2 which he did not expect in the room of so sweet a young creature, and which might have probably had no good effect on a cooler lover. However, he groped out the bed with difficulty, for there was not a glimpse of light, and, opening the curtains, he whispered in Joseph’s voice (for he was an excellent mimic), “Fanny, my angel! I am come to inform thee that I have discovered the falsehood of the story we last night heard. I am no longer thy brother, but the lover; nor will I be delayed the enjoyment3 of thee one moment longer. You have sufficient assurances of my constancy not to doubt my marrying you, and it would be want of love to deny me the possession of thy charms.” — So saying, he disencumbered himself from the little clothes he had on, and, leaping into bed, embraced his angel, as he conceived her, with great rapture4. If he was surprized at receiving no answer, he was no less pleased to find his hug returned with equal ardour. He remained not long in this sweet confusion; for both he and his paramour presently discovered their error. Indeed it was no other than the accomplished5 Slipslop whom he had engaged; but, though she immediately knew the person whom she had mistaken for Joseph, he was at a loss to guess at the representative of Fanny. He had so little seen or taken notice of this gentlewoman, that light itself would have afforded him no assistance in his conjecture7. Beau Didapper no sooner had perceived his mistake than he attempted to escape from the bed with much greater haste than he had made to it; but the watchful8 Slipslop prevented him. For that prudent9 woman, being disappointed of those delicious offerings which her fancy had promised her pleasure, resolved to make an immediate6 sacrifice to her virtue10. Indeed she wanted an opportunity to heal some wounds, which her late conduct had, she feared, given her reputation; and, as she had a wonderful presence of mind, she conceived the person of the unfortunate beau to be luckily thrown in her way to restore her lady’s opinion of her impregnable chastity. At that instant, therefore, when he offered to leap from the bed, she caught fast hold of his shirt, at the same time roaring out, “O thou villain11! who hast attacked my chastity, and, I believe, ruined me in my sleep; I will swear a rape12 against thee, I will prosecute13 thee with the utmost vengeance14.” The beau attempted to get loose, but she held him fast, and when he struggled she cried out “Murder! murder! rape! robbery! ruin!” At which words, parson Adams, who lay in the next chamber, wakeful, and meditating15 on the pedlar’s discovery, jumped out of bed, and, without staying to put a rag of clothes on, hastened into the apartment whence the cries proceeded. He made directly to the bed in the dark, where, laying hold of the beau’s skin (for Slipslop had torn his shirt almost off), and finding his skin extremely soft, and hearing him in a low voice begging Slipslop to let him go, he no longer doubted but this was the young woman in danger of ravishing, and immediately falling on the bed, and laying hold on Slipslop’s chin, where he found a rough beard, his belief was confirmed; he therefore rescued the beau, who presently made his escape, and then, turning towards Slipslop, received such a cuff16 on his chops, that, his wrath17 kindling18 instantly, he offered to return the favour so stoutly19, that had poor Slipslop received the fist, which in the dark passed by her and fell on the pillow, she would most probably have given up the ghost. Adams, missing his blow, fell directly on Slipslop, who cuffed20 and scratched as well as she could; nor was he behindhand with her in his endeavours, but happily the darkness of the night befriended her. She then cried she was a woman; but Adams answered, she was rather the devil, and if she was he would grapple with him; and, being again irritated by another stroke on his chops, he gave her such a remembrance in the guts21, that she began to roar loud enough to be heard all over the house. Adams then, seizing her by the hair (for her double-clout had fallen off in the scuffle), pinned her head down to the bolster22, and then both called for lights together. The Lady Booby, who was as wakeful as any of her guests, had been alarmed from the beginning; and, being a woman of a bold spirit, she slipt on a nightgown, petticoat, and slippers23, and taking a candle, which always burnt in her chamber, in her hand, she walked undauntedly to Slipslop’s room; where she entered just at the instant as Adams had discovered, by the two mountains which Slipslop carried before her, that he was concerned with a female. He then concluded her to be a witch, and said he fancied those breasts gave suck to a legion of devils. Slipslop, seeing Lady Booby enter the room, cried help! or I am ravished, with a most audible voice: and Adams, perceiving the light, turned hastily, and saw the lady (as she did him) just as she came to the feet of the bed; nor did her modesty24, when she found the naked condition of Adams, suffer her to approach farther. She then began to revile25 the parson as the wickedest of all men, and particularly railed at his impudence26 in chusing her house for the scene of his debaucheries, and her own woman for the object of his bestiality. Poor Adams had before discovered the countenance27 of his bedfellow, and, now first recollecting28 he was naked, he was no less confounded than Lady Booby herself, and immediately whipt under the bedclothes, whence the chaste29 Slipslop endeavoured in vain to shut him out. Then putting forth30 his head, on which, by way of ornament31, he wore a flannel32 nightcap, he protested his innocence33, and asked ten thousand pardons of Mrs Slipslop for the blows he had struck her, vowing34 he had mistaken her for a witch. Lady Booby, then casting her eyes on the ground, observed something sparkle with great lustre35, which, when she had taken it up, appeared to be a very fine pair of diamond buttons for the sleeves. A little farther she saw lie the sleeve itself of a shirt with laced ruffles36. “Heyday!” says she, “what is the meaning of this?” “O, madam,” says Slipslop, “I don’t know what hath happened, I have been so terrified. Here may have been a dozen men in the room.” “To whom belongs this laced shirt and jewels?” says the lady. “Undoubtedly,” cries the parson, “to the young gentleman whom I mistook for a woman on coming into the room, whence proceeded all the subsequent mistakes; for if I had suspected him for a man, I would have seized him, had he been another Hercules, though, indeed, he seems rather to resemble Hylas.” He then gave an account of the reason of his rising from bed, and the rest, till the lady came into the room; at which, and the figures of Slipslop and her gallant37, whose heads only were visible at the opposite corners of the bed, she could not refrain from laughter; nor did Slipslop persist in accusing the parson of any motions towards a rape. The lady therefore desired him to return to his bed as soon as she was departed, and then ordering Slipslop to rise and attend her in her own room, she returned herself thither38. When she was gone, Adams renewed his petitions for pardon to Mrs Slipslop, who, with a most Christian39 temper, not only forgave, but began to move with much courtesy towards him, which he taking as a hint to begin, immediately quitted the bed, and made the best of his way towards his own; but unluckily, instead of turning to the right, he turned to the left, and went to the apartment where Fanny lay, who (as the reader may remember) had not slept a wink40 the preceding night, and who was so hagged out with what had happened to her in the day, that, notwithstanding all thoughts of her Joseph, she was fallen into so profound a sleep, that all the noise in the adjoining room had not been able to disturb her. Adams groped out the bed, and, turning the clothes down softly, a custom Mrs Adams had long accustomed him to, crept in, and deposited his carcase on the bed-post, a place which that good woman had always assigned him.
As the cat or lap-dog of some lovely nymph, for whom ten thousand lovers languish42, lies quietly by the side of the charming maid, and, ignorant of the scene of delight on which they repose43, meditates44 the future capture of a mouse, or surprisal of a plate of bread and butter: so Adams lay by the side of Fanny, ignorant of the paradise to which he was so near; nor could the emanation of sweets which flowed from her breath overpower the fumes45 of tobacco which played in the parson’s nostrils. And now sleep had not overtaken the good man, when Joseph, who had secretly appointed Fanny to come to her at the break of day, rapped softly at the chamber-door, which when he had repeated twice, Adams cryed, “Come in, whoever you are.” Joseph thought he had mistaken the door, though she had given him the most exact directions; however, knowing his friend’s voice, he opened it, and saw some female vestments lying on a chair. Fanny waking at the same instant, and stretching out her hand on Adams’s beard, she cried out, — “O heavens! where am I?” “Bless me! where am I?” said the parson. Then Fanny screamed, Adams leapt out of bed, and Joseph stood, as the tragedians call it, like the statue of Surprize. “How came she into my room?” cryed Adams. “How came you into hers?” cryed Joseph, in an astonishment46. “I know nothing of the matter,” answered Adams, “but that she is a vestal for me. As I am a Christian, I know not whether she is a man or woman. He is an infidel who doth not believe in witchcraft47. They as surely exist now as in the days of Saul. My clothes are bewitched away too, and Fanny’s brought into their place.” For he still insisted he was in his own apartment; but Fanny denied it vehemently48, and said his attempting to persuade Joseph of such a falsehood convinced her of his wicked designs. “How!” said Joseph in a rage, “hath he offered any rudeness to you?” She answered — She could not accuse him of any more than villanously stealing to bed to her, which she thought rudeness sufficient, and what no man would do without a wicked intention.
Joseph’s great opinion of Adams was not easily to be staggered, and when he heard from Fanny that no harm had happened he grew a little cooler; yet still he was confounded, and, as he knew the house, and that the women’s apartments were on this side Mrs Slipslop’s room, and the men’s on the other, he was convinced that he was in Fanny’s chamber. Assuring Adams therefore of this truth, he begged him to give some account how he came there. Adams then, standing41 in his shirt, which did not offend Fanny, as the curtains of the bed were drawn49, related all that had happened; and when he had ended Joseph told him, — It was plain he had mistaken by turning to the right instead of the left. “Odso!” cries Adams, “that’s true: as sure as sixpence, you have hit on the very thing.” He then traversed the room, rubbing his hands, and begged Fanny’s pardon, assuring her he did not know whether she was man or woman. That innocent creature firmly believing all he said, told him she was no longer angry, and begged Joseph to conduct him into his own apartment, where he should stay himself till she had put her clothes on. Joseph and Adams accordingly departed, and the latter soon was convinced of the mistake he had committed; however, whilst he was dressing50 himself, he often asserted he believed in the power of witchcraft notwithstanding, and did not see how a Christian could deny it.
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chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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nostrils
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| 鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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conjecture
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| n./v.推测，猜测 | |
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watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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prudent
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| adj.谨慎的，有远见的，精打细算的 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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villain
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| n.反派演员，反面人物；恶棍；问题的起因 | |
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rape
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| n.抢夺，掠夺，强奸；vt.掠夺，抢夺，强奸 | |
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13
prosecute
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| vt.告发；进行；vi.告发，起诉，作检察官 | |
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vengeance
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| n.报复，报仇，复仇 | |
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15
meditating
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| a.沉思的，冥想的 | |
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cuff
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| n.袖口；手铐；护腕；vt.用手铐铐；上袖口 | |
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wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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kindling
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| n. 点火, 可燃物 动词kindle的现在分词形式 | |
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stoutly
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| adv.牢固地，粗壮的 | |
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cuffed
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| v.掌打，拳打( cuff的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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guts
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| v.狼吞虎咽，贪婪地吃，飞碟游戏（比赛双方每组5人，相距15码，互相掷接飞碟）；毁坏（建筑物等）的内部( gut的第三人称单数 )；取出…的内脏n.勇气( gut的名词复数 )；内脏；消化道的下段；肠 | |
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22
bolster
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| n.枕垫；v.支持，鼓励 | |
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slippers
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| n. 拖鞋 | |
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modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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revile
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| v.辱骂，谩骂 | |
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impudence
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| n.厚颜无耻；冒失；无礼 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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28
recollecting
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| v.记起，想起( recollect的现在分词 ) | |
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29
chaste
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| adj.贞洁的；有道德的；善良的；简朴的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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31
ornament
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| v.装饰，美化；n.装饰，装饰物 | |
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flannel
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| n.法兰绒；法兰绒衣服 | |
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33
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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34
vowing
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| 起誓，发誓（vow的现在分词形式） | |
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lustre
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| n.光亮，光泽；荣誉 | |
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36
ruffles
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| 褶裥花边( ruffle的名词复数 ) | |
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37
gallant
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| adj.英勇的，豪侠的；(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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thither
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| adv.向那里；adj.在那边的，对岸的 | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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40
wink
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| n.眨眼，使眼色，瞬间；v.眨眼，使眼色，闪烁 | |
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41
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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42
languish
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| vi.变得衰弱无力，失去活力，（植物等）凋萎 | |
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43
repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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44
meditates
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| 深思，沉思，冥想( meditate的第三人称单数 )； 内心策划，考虑 | |
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45
fumes
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| n.(强烈而刺激的)气味，气体 | |
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46
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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47
witchcraft
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| n.魔法，巫术 | |
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48
vehemently
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| adv. 热烈地 | |
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49
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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50
dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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