But the disgust that overshadowed Mr. Polly’s being as he sat upon the stile, had other and profounder justification1 than his quarrel with Rusper and the indignity2 of appearing before the county bench. He was for the first time in his business career short with his rent for the approaching quarter day, and so far as he could trust his own bandling of figures he was sixty or seventy pounds on the wrong side of solvency3. And that was the outcome of fifteen years of passive endurance of dulness throughout the best years of his life! What would Miriam say when she learnt this, and was invited to face the prospect4 of exile — heaven knows what sort of exile!— from their present home? She would grumble5 and scold and become limply unhelpful, he knew, and none the less so because he could not help things. She would say he ought to have worked harder, and a hundred such exasperating6 pointless things. Such thoughts as these require no aid from undigested cold pork and cold potatoes and pickles7 to darken the soul, and with these aids his soul was black indeed.
“May as well have a bit of a walk,” said Mr. Polly at last, after nearly intolerable meditations8, and sat round and put a leg over the stile.
He remained still for some time before he brought over the other leg.
“Kill myself,” he murmured at last.
It was an idea that came back to his mind nowadays with a continually increasing attractiveness — more particularly after meals. Life he felt had no further happiness to offer him. He hated Miriam, and there was no getting away from her whatever might betide. And for the rest there was toil9 and struggle, toil and struggle with a failing heart and dwindling10 courage, to sustain that dreary11 duologue. “Life’s insured,” said Mr. Polly; “place is insured. I don’t see it does any harm to her or anyone.”
He stuck his hands in his pockets. “Needn’t hurt much,” he said. He began to elaborate a plan.
He found it quite interesting elaborating his plan. His countenance12 became less miserable13 and his pace quickened.
There is nothing so good in all the world for melancholia as walking, and the exercise of the imagination in planning something presently to be done, and soon the wrathful wretchedness had vanished from Mr. Polly’s face. He would have to do the thing secretly and elaborately, because otherwise there might be difficulties about the life insurance. He began to scheme how he could circumvent14 that difficulty. . . .
He took a long walk, for after all what is the good of hurrying back to shop when you are not only insolvent15 but very soon to die? His dinner and the east wind lost their sinister16 hold upon his soul, and when at last he came back along the Fishbourne High Street, his face was unusually bright and the craving17 hunger of the dyspeptic was returning. So he went into the grocer’s and bought a ruddily decorated tin of a brightly pink fishlike substance known as “Deep Sea Salmon18.” This he was resolved to consume regardless of cost with vinegar and salt and pepper as a relish19 to his supper.
He did, and since he and Miriam rarely talked and Miriam thought honour and his recent behaviour demanded a hostile silence, he ate fast, and copiously20 and soon gloomily. He ate alone, for she refrained, to mark her sense of his extravagance. Then he prowled into the High Street for a time, thought it an infernal place, tried his pipe and found it foul21 and bitter, and retired22 wearily to bed.
He slept for an hour or so and then woke up to the contemplation of Miriam’s hunched23 back and the riddle24 of life, and this bright attractive idea of ending for ever and ever and ever all the things that were locking him in, this bright idea that shone like a baleful star above all the reek25 and darkness of his misery26. . . .
1 justification | |
n.正当的理由;辩解的理由 | |
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2 indignity | |
n.侮辱,伤害尊严,轻蔑 | |
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3 solvency | |
n.偿付能力,溶解力 | |
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4 prospect | |
n.前景,前途;景色,视野 | |
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5 grumble | |
vi.抱怨;咕哝;n.抱怨,牢骚;咕哝,隆隆声 | |
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6 exasperating | |
adj. 激怒的 动词exasperate的现在分词形式 | |
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7 pickles | |
n.腌菜( pickle的名词复数 );处于困境;遇到麻烦;菜酱 | |
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8 meditations | |
默想( meditation的名词复数 ); 默念; 沉思; 冥想 | |
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9 toil | |
vi.辛劳工作,艰难地行动;n.苦工,难事 | |
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10 dwindling | |
adj.逐渐减少的v.逐渐变少或变小( dwindle的现在分词 ) | |
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11 dreary | |
adj.令人沮丧的,沉闷的,单调乏味的 | |
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12 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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13 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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14 circumvent | |
vt.环绕,包围;对…用计取胜,智胜 | |
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15 insolvent | |
adj.破产的,无偿还能力的 | |
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16 sinister | |
adj.不吉利的,凶恶的,左边的 | |
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17 craving | |
n.渴望,热望 | |
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18 salmon | |
n.鲑,大马哈鱼,橙红色的 | |
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19 relish | |
n.滋味,享受,爱好,调味品;vt.加调味料,享受,品味;vi.有滋味 | |
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20 copiously | |
adv.丰富地,充裕地 | |
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21 foul | |
adj.污秽的;邪恶的;v.弄脏;妨害;犯规;n.犯规 | |
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22 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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23 hunched | |
(常指因寒冷、生病或愁苦)耸肩弓身的,伏首前倾的 | |
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24 riddle | |
n.谜,谜语,粗筛;vt.解谜,给…出谜,筛,检查,鉴定,非难,充满于;vi.出谜 | |
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25 reek | |
v.发出臭气;n.恶臭 | |
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26 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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