Chapter 5

“Yes: for ten years I lived the most revolting existence, while dreaming of the noblest love, and even in the name of that love. Yes, I want to tell you how I killed my wife, and for that I must tell you how I debauched myself. I killed her before I knew her.

I killed THE wife when I first tasted sensual joys without love, and then it was that I killed MY wife. Yes, sir: it is only after having suffered, after having tortured myself, that I have come to understand the root of things, that I have come to understand my crimes. Thus you will see where and how began the drama that has led me to misfortune.

“It is necessary to go back to my sixteenth year, when I was still at school, and my elder brother a first-year student. I had not yet known women but, like all the unfortunate children of our society, I was already no longer innocent. I was tortured, as you were, I am sure, and as are tortured ninety-nine one-hundredths of our boys. I lived in a frightful¹ dread², I prayed to God, and I prostrated³ myself.

“I was already perverted⁴ in imagination, but the last steps remained to be taken. I could still escape, when a friend of my brother, a very gay student, one of those who are called good fellows,— that is, the greatest of scamps,— and who had taught us to drink and play cards, took advantage of a night of intoxication⁶ to drag us THERE. We started. My brother, as innocent as I, fell that night, and I, a mere⁷ lad of sixteen, polluted myself and helped to pollute a sister-woman, without understanding what I did. Never had I heard from my elders that what I thus did was bad. It is true that there are the ten commandments of the Bible; but the commandments are made only to be recited before the priests at examinations, and even then are not as exacting⁸ as the commandments in regard to the use of ut in conditional⁹ propositions.

“Thus, from my elders, whose opinion I esteemed¹⁰, I had never heard that this was reprehensible¹¹. On the contrary, I had heard people whom I respected say that it was good. I had heard that my struggles and my sufferings would be appeased¹² after this act. I had heard it and read it. I had heard from my elders that it was excellent for the health, and my friends have always seemed to believe that it contained I know not what merit and valor¹³. So nothing is seen in it but what is praiseworthy. As for the danger of disease, it is a foreseen danger. Does not the government guard against it? And even science corrupts¹⁴ us.”

“How so, science?” I asked.

“Why, the doctors, the pontiffs of science. Who pervert⁵ young people by laying down such rules of hygiene¹⁵? Who pervert women by devising and teaching them ways by which not to have children?

“Yes: if only a hundredth of the efforts spent in curing diseases were spent in curing debauchery, disease would long ago have ceased to exist, whereas now all efforts are employed, not in extirpating¹⁶ debauchery, but in favoring it, by assuring the harmlessness of the consequences. Besides, it is not a question of that. It is a question of this frightful thing that has happened to me, as it happens to nine-tenths, if not more, not only of the men of our society, but of all societies, even peasants,— this frightful thing that I had fallen, and not because I was subjected to the natural seduction of a certain woman. No, no woman seduced¹⁷ me. I fell because the surroundings in which I found myself saw in this degrading thing only a legitimate¹⁸ function, useful to the health; because others saw in it simply a natural amusement, not only excusable, but even innocent in a young man. I did not understand that it was a fall, and I began to give myself to those pleasures (partly from desire and partly from necessity) which I was led to believe were characteristic of my age, just as I had begun to drink and smoke.

“And yet there was in this first fall something peculiar¹⁹ and touching²⁰. I remember that straightway I was filled with such a profound sadness that I had a desire to weep, to weep over the loss forever of my relations with woman. Yes, my relations with woman were lost forever. Pure relations with women, from that time forward, I could no longer have. I had become what is called a voluptuary; and to be a voluptuary is a physical condition like the condition of a victim of the morphine habit, of a drunkard, and of a smoker²¹.

“Just as the victim of the morphine habit, the drunkard, the smoker, is no longer a normal man, so the man who has known several women for his pleasure is no longer normal? He is abnormal forever. He is a voluptuary. Just as the drunkard and the victim of the morphine habit may be recognized by their face and manner, so we may recognize a voluptuary. He may repress himself and struggle, but nevermore will he enjoy simple, pure, and fraternal relations toward woman. By his way of glancing at a young woman one may at once recognize a voluptuary; and I became a voluptuary, and I have remained one.

1 frightful   

adj.可怕的；讨厌的

参考例句：

• How frightful to have a husband who snores!有一个发鼾声的丈夫多讨厌啊！
• We're having frightful weather these days.这几天天气坏极了。

2 dread   

vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧

参考例句：

• We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
• Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。

3 prostrated   

v.使俯伏，使拜倒( prostrate的过去式和过去分词 )；（指疾病、天气等）使某人无能为力

参考例句：

• He was prostrated by the loss of his wife. 他因丧妻而忧郁。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• They prostrated themselves before the emperor. 他们拜倒在皇帝的面前。 来自《简明英汉词典》

4 perverted   

adj.不正当的v.滥用( pervert的过去式和过去分词 )；腐蚀；败坏；使堕落

参考例句：

• Some scientific discoveries have been perverted to create weapons of destruction. 某些科学发明被滥用来生产毁灭性武器。
• sexual acts, normal and perverted 正常的和变态的性行为

5 pervert   

n.堕落者，反常者；vt.误用，滥用；使人堕落，使入邪路

参考例句：

• Reading such silly stories will pervert your taste for good books.读这种愚昧的故事会败坏你对好书的嗜好。
• Do not pervert the idea.别歪曲那想法。

6 intoxication   

n.wild excitement;drunkenness；poisoning

参考例句：

• He began to drink, drank himself to intoxication, till he slept obliterated. 他一直喝，喝到他快要迷糊地睡着了。
• Predator: Intoxication-Damage over time effect will now stack with other allies. Predator:Intoxication,持续性伤害的效果将会与队友相加。

7 mere   

adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过

参考例句：

• That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
• It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。

8 exacting   

adj.苛求的，要求严格的

参考例句：

• He must remember the letters and symbols with exacting precision.他必须以严格的精度记住每个字母和符号。
• The public has been more exacting in its demands as time has passed.随着时间的推移，公众的要求更趋严格。

9 conditional   

adj.条件的，带有条件的

参考例句：

• My agreement is conditional on your help.你肯帮助我才同意。
• There are two forms of most-favored-nation treatment:conditional and unconditional.最惠国待遇有两种形式:有条件的和无条件的。

10 esteemed   

adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为

参考例句：

• The art of conversation is highly esteemed in France. 在法国十分尊重谈话技巧。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He esteemed that he understood what I had said. 他认为已经听懂我说的意思了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

11 reprehensible   

adj.该受责备的

参考例句：

• Lying is not seen as being morally reprehensible in any strong way.人们并不把撒谎当作一件应该大加谴责的事儿。
• It was reprehensible of him to be so disloyal.他如此不忠，应受谴责。

12 appeased   

安抚，抚慰( appease的过去式和过去分词 )； 绥靖（满足另一国的要求以避免战争）

参考例句：

• His hunger could only be appeased by his wife. 他的欲望只有他的妻子能满足。
• They are the more readily appeased. 他们比较容易和解。

13 valor   

n.勇气，英勇

参考例句：

• Fortitude is distinct from valor.坚韧不拔有别于勇猛。
• Frequently banality is the better parts of valor.老生常谈往往比大胆打破常规更为人称道。

14 corrupts   

（使）败坏( corrupt的第三人称单数 )； （使）腐化； 引起（计算机文件等的）错误； 破坏

参考例句：

• The unrighteous penny corrupts the righteous pound. 不正当得来的便士使正当得来的英镑也受到玷污。
• Blue cinema corrupts the souls of people. 黄色电影腐蚀人们的灵魂。

15 hygiene   

n.健康法，卫生学 （a.hygienic）

参考例句：

• Their course of study includes elementary hygiene and medical theory.他们的课程包括基础卫生学和医疗知识。
• He's going to give us a lecture on public hygiene.他要给我们作关于公共卫生方面的报告。

16 extirpating   

v.消灭，灭绝( extirpate的现在分词 )；根除

参考例句：

17 seduced   

诱奸( seduce的过去式和过去分词 )； 勾引； 诱使堕落； 使入迷

参考例句：

• The promise of huge profits seduced him into parting with his money. 高额利润的许诺诱使他把钱出了手。
• His doctrines have seduced many into error. 他的学说把许多人诱入歧途。

18 legitimate   

adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法

参考例句：

• Sickness is a legitimate reason for asking for leave.生病是请假的一个正当的理由。
• That's a perfectly legitimate fear.怀有这种恐惧完全在情理之中。

19 peculiar   

adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的

参考例句：

• He walks in a peculiar fashion.他走路的样子很奇特。
• He looked at me with a very peculiar expression.他用一种很奇怪的表情看着我。

20 touching   

adj.动人的，使人感伤的

参考例句：

• It was a touching sight.这是一幅动人的景象。
• His letter was touching.他的信很感人。

21 smoker   

n.吸烟者，吸烟车厢，吸烟室

参考例句：

• His wife dislikes him to be a smoker.他妻子不喜欢他当烟民。
• He is a moderate smoker.他是一个有节制的烟民。