“Oh, what a frightful13 feeling of jealousy! I do not speak of that real jealousy which has foundations (it is tormenting14, but it promises an issue), but of that unconscious jealousy which inevitably15 accompanies every immoral11 marriage, and which, having no cause, has no end. This jealousy is frightful. Frightful, that is the word.
“And this is it. A young man speaks to my wife. He looks at her with a smile, and, as it seems to me, he surveys her body. How does he dare to think of her, to think of the possibility of a romance with her? And how can she, seeing this, tolerate him? Not only does she tolerate him, but she seems pleased. I even see that she puts herself to trouble on his account. And in my soul there rises such a hatred for her that each of her words, each gesture, disgusts me. She notices it, she knows not what to do, and how assume an air of indifferent animation16? Ah! I suffer! That makes her gay, she is content. And my hatred increases tenfold, but I do not dare to give it free force, because at the bottom of my soul I know that there are no real reasons for it, and I remain in my seat, feigning17 indifference18, and exaggerating my attention and courtesy to HIM.
“Then I get angry with myself. I desire to leave the room, to leave them alone, and I do, in fact, go out; but scarcely am I outside when I am invaded by a fear of what is taking place within my absence. I go in again, inventing some pretext19. Or sometimes I do not go in; I remain near the door, and listen. How can she humiliate20 herself and humiliate me by placing me in this cowardly situation of suspicion and espionage21? Oh, abomination! Oh, the wicked animal! And he too, what does he think of you? But he is like all men. He is what I was before my marriage. It gives him pleasure. He even smiles when he looks at me, as much as to say: ‘What have you to do with this? It is my turn now.’
“This feeling is horrible. Its burn is unendurable. To entertain this feeling toward any one, to once suspect a man of lusting22 after my wife, was enough to spoil this man forever in my eyes, as if he had been sprinkled with vitriol. Let me once become jealous of a being, and nevermore could I re-establish with him simple human relations, and my eyes flashed when I looked at him.
“As for my wife, so many times had I enveloped23 her with this moral vitriol, with this jealous hatred, that she was degraded thereby24. In the periods of this causeless hatred I gradually uncrowned her. I covered her with shame in my imagination.
“I invented impossible knaveries25. I suspected, I am ashamed to say, that she, this queen of ‘The Thousand and One Nights,’ deceived me with my serf, under my very eyes, and laughing at me.
Thus, with each new access of jealousy (I speak always of causeless jealousy), I entered into the furrow26 dug formerly27 by my filthy28 suspicions, and I continually deepened it. She did the same thing. If I have reasons to be jealous, she who knew my past had a thousand times more. And she was more ill-natured in her jealousy than I. And the sufferings that I felt from her jealousy were different, and likewise very painful.
“The situation may be described thus. We are living more or less tranquilly29. I am even gay and contented30. Suddenly we start a conversation on some most commonplace subject, and directly she finds herself disagreeing with me upon matters concerning which we have been generally in accord. And furthermore I see that, without any necessity therefor, she is becoming irritated. I think that she has a nervous attack, or else that the subject of conversation is really disagreeable to her. We talk of something else, and that begins again. Again she torments31 me, and becomes irritated. I am astonished and look for a reason. Why? For what? She keeps silence, answers me with monosyllables, evidently making allusions32 to something. I begin to divine that the reason of all this is that I have taken a few walks in the garden with her cousin, to whom I did not give even a thought. I begin to divine, but I cannot say so. If I say so, I confirm her suspicions. I interrogate33 her, I question her. She does not answer, but she sees that I understand, and that confirms her suspicions.
“‘What is the matter with you?’ I ask.
“‘Nothing, I am as well as usual,’ she answers.
“And at the same time, like a crazy woman, she gives utterance34 to the silliest remarks, to the most inexplicable35 explosions of spite.
“Sometimes I am patient, but at other times I break out with anger. Then her own irritation36 is launched forth37 in a flood of insults, in charges of imaginary crimes and all carried to the highest degree by sobs38, tears, and retreats through the house to the most improbable spots. I go to look for her. I am ashamed before people, before the children, but there is nothing to be done. She is in a condition where I feel that she is ready for anything. I run, and finally find her. Nights of torture follow, in which both of us, with exhausted39 nerves, appease40 each other, after the most cruel words and accusations41.
“Yes, jealousy, causeless jealousy, is the condition of our debauched conjugal42 life. And throughout my marriage never did I cease to feel it and to suffer from it. There were two periods in which I suffered most intensely. The first time was after the birth of our first child, when the doctors had forbidden my wife to nurse it. I was particularly jealous, in the first place, because my wife felt that restlessness peculiar8 to animal matter when the regular course of life is interrupted without occasion. But especially was I jealous because, having seen with what facility she had thrown off her moral duties as a mother, I concluded rightly, though unconsciously, that she would throw off as easily her conjugal duties, feeling all the surer of this because she was in perfect health, as was shown by the fact that, in spite of the prohibition43 of the dear doctors, she nursed her following children, and even very well.”
“I see that you have no love for the doctors,” said I, having noticed Posdnicheff’s extraordinarily44 spiteful expression of face and tone of voice whenever he spoke45 of them.
“It is not a question of loving them or of not loving them. They have ruined my life, as they have ruined the lives of thousands of beings before me, and I cannot help connecting the consequence with the cause. I conceive that they desire, like the lawyers and the rest, to make money. I would willingly have given them half of my income — and any one would have done it in my place, understanding what they do — if they had consented not to meddle46 in my conjugal life, and to keep themselves at a distance. I have compiled no statistics, but I know scores of cases — in reality, they are innumerable — where they have killed, now a child in its mother’s womb, asserting positively47 that the mother could not give birth to it (when the mother could give birth to it very well), now mothers, under the pretext of a so-called operation. No one has counted these murders, just as no one counted the murders of the Inquisition, because it was supposed that they were committed for the benefit of humanity. Innumerable are the crimes of the doctors! But all these crimes are nothing compared with the materialistic48 demoralization which they introduce into the world through women. I say nothing of the fact that, if it were to follow their advice,— thanks to the microbe which they see everywhere,— humanity, instead of tending to union, would proceed straight to complete disunion. Everybody, according to their doctrine49, should isolate50 himself, and never remove from his mouth a syringe filled with phenic acid (moreover, they have found out now that it does no good). But I would pass over all these things. The supreme51 poison is the perversion52 of people, especially of women. One can no longer say now: ‘You live badly, live better.’ One can no longer say it either to himself or to others, for, if you live badly (say the doctors), the cause is in the nervous system or in something similar, and it is necessary to go to consult them, and they will prescribe for you thirty-five copecks’ worth of remedies to be bought at the drug-store, and you must swallow them. Your condition grows worse? Again to the doctors, and more remedies! An excellent business!
“But to return to our subject. I was saying that my wife nursed her children well, that the nursing and the gestation53 of the children, and the children in general, quieted my tortures of jealousy, but that, on the other hand, they provoked torments of a different sort.
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1
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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marital
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| adj.婚姻的，夫妻的 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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peculiarity
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| n.独特性，特色；特殊的东西；怪癖 | |
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immorally
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| adv.淫荡地；不正经地；不道德地；品行不良地 | |
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immoral
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| adj.不道德的，淫荡的，荒淫的，有伤风化的 | |
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tranquillity
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| n. 平静, 安静 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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tormenting
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| 使痛苦的，使苦恼的 | |
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inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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animation
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| n.活泼，兴奋，卡通片／动画片的制作 | |
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feigning
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| 假装，伪装( feign的现在分词 )； 捏造（借口、理由等） | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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pretext
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| n.借口，托词 | |
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humiliate
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| v.使羞辱，使丢脸[同]disgrace | |
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espionage
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| n.间谍行为，谍报活动 | |
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lusting
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| 贪求（lust的现在分词形式） | |
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enveloped
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| v.包围，笼罩，包住( envelop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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knaveries
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| n.流氓行为( knavery的名词复数 ) | |
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furrow
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| n.沟；垄沟；轨迹；车辙；皱纹 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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filthy
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| adj.卑劣的；恶劣的，肮脏的 | |
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tranquilly
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| adv. 宁静地 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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torments
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| （肉体或精神上的）折磨，痛苦( torment的名词复数 )； 造成痛苦的事物[人] | |
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allusions
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| 暗指，间接提到( allusion的名词复数 ) | |
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interrogate
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| vt.讯问，审问，盘问 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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inexplicable
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| adj.无法解释的，难理解的 | |
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irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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appease
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| v.安抚，缓和，平息，满足 | |
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accusations
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| n.指责( accusation的名词复数 )；指控；控告；（被告发、控告的）罪名 | |
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conjugal
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| adj.婚姻的，婚姻性的 | |
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prohibition
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| n.禁止；禁令，禁律 | |
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extraordinarily
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| adv.格外地；极端地 | |
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45
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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meddle
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| v.干预，干涉，插手 | |
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positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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48
materialistic
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| a.唯物主义的，物质享乐主义的 | |
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doctrine
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| n.教义；主义；学说 | |
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isolate
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| vt.使孤立，隔离 | |
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supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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52
perversion
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| n.曲解；堕落；反常 | |
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gestation
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| n.怀孕；酝酿 | |
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