“In truth, if boys and girls are born equal, the little girls find themselves in a better situation. In the first place, the young girl is not subjected to the perverting4 conditions to which we are subjected. She has neither cigarettes, nor wine, nor cards, nor comrades, nor public houses, nor public functions. And then the chief thing is that she is physically5 pure, and that is why, in marrying, she is superior to her husband. She is superior to man as a young girl, and when she becomes a wife in our society, where there is no need to work in order to live, she becomes superior, also, by the gravity of the acts of generation, birth, and nursing.
“Woman, in bringing a child into the world, and giving it her bosom6, sees clearly that her affair is more serious than the affair of man, who sits in the Zemstvo, in the court. She knows that in these functions the main thing is money, and money can be made in different ways, and for that very reason money is not inevitably7 necessary, like nursing a child. Consequently woman is necessarily superior to man, and must rule. But man, in our society, not only does not recognize this, but, on the contrary, always looks upon her from the height of his grandeur8, despising what she does.
“Thus my wife despised me for my work at the Zemstvo, because she gave birth to children and nursed them. I, in turn, thought that woman’s labor9 was most contemptible10, which one might and should laugh at.
“Apart from the other motives11, we were also separated by a mutual12 contempt. Our relations grew ever more hostile, and we arrived at that period when, not only did dissent13 provoke hostility14, but hostility provoked dissent. Whatever she might say, I was sure in advance to hold a contrary opinion; and she the same. Toward the fourth year of our marriage it was tacitly decided15 between us that no intellectual community was possible, and we made no further attempts at it. As to the simplest objects, we each held obstinately16 to our own opinions. With strangers we talked upon the most varied17 and most intimate matters, but not with each other. Sometimes, in listening to my wife talk with others in my presence, I said to myself: ‘What a woman! Everything that she says is a lie!’ And I was astonished that the person with whom she was conversing18 did not see that she was lying. When we were together; we were condemned19 to silence, or to conversations which, I am sure, might have been carried on by animals.
“‘What time is it? It is bed-time. What is there for dinner to-day? Where shall we go? What is there in the newspaper? The doctor must be sent for, Lise has a sore throat.’
“Unless we kept within the extremely narrow limits of such conversation, irritation20 was sure to ensue. The presence of a third person relieved us, for through an intermediary we could still communicate. She probably believed that she was always right. As for me, in my own eyes, I was a saint beside her.
“The periods of what we call love arrived as often as formerly21. They were more brutal22, without refinement23, without ornament24; but they were short, and generally followed by periods of irritation without cause, irritation fed by the most trivial pretexts25. We had spats26 about the coffee, the table-cloth, the carriage, games of cards,— trifles, in short, which could not be of the least importance to either of us. As for me, a terrible execration27 was continually boiling up within me. I watched her pour the tea, swing her foot, lift her spoon to her mouth, and blow upon hot liquids or sip2 them, and I detested28 her as if these had been so many crimes.
“I did not notice that these periods of irritation depended very regularly upon the periods of love. Each of the latter was followed by one of the former. A period of intense love was followed by a long period of anger; a period of mild love induced a mild irritation. We did not understand that this love and this hatred29 were two opposite faces of the same animal feeling. To live thus would be terrible, if one understood the philosophy of it. But we did not perceive this, we did not analyze30 it. It is at once the torture and the relief of man that, when he lives irregularly, he can cherish illusions as to the miseries31 of his situation. So did we. She tried to forget herself in sudden and absorbing occupations, in household duties, the care of the furniture, her dress and that of her children, in the education of the latter, and in looking after their health. These were occupations that did not arise from any immediate32 necessity, but she accomplished33 them as if her life and that of her children depended on whether the pastry34 was allowed to burn, whether a curtain was hanging properly, whether a dress was a success, whether a lesson was well learned, or whether a medicine was swallowed.
“I saw clearly that to her all this was, more than anything else, a means of forgetting, an intoxication35, just as hunting, card-playing, and my functions at the Zemstvo served the same purpose for me. It is true that in addition I had an intoxication literally36 speaking,— tobacco, which I smoked in large quantities, and wine, upon which I did not get drunk, but of which I took too much. Vodka before meals, and during meals two glasses of wine, so that a perpetual mist concealed37 the turmoil38 of existence.
“These new theories of hypnotism, of mental maladies, of hysteria are not simple stupidities, but dangerous or evil stupidities. Charcot, I am sure, would have said that my wife was hysterical39, and of me he would have said that I was an abnormal being, and he would have wanted to treat me. But in us there was nothing requiring treatment. All this mental malady40 was the simple result of the fact that we were living immorally41. Thanks to this immoral42 life, we suffered, and, to stifle43 our sufferings, we tried abnormal means, which the doctors call the ‘symptoms’ of a mental malady,— hysteria.
“There was no occasion in all this to apply for treatment to Charcot or to anybody else. Neither suggestion nor bromide would have been effective in working our cure. The needful thing was an examination of the origin of the evil. It is as when one is sitting on a nail; if you see the nail, you see that which is irregular in your life, and you avoid it. Then the pain stops, without any necessity of stifling44 it. Our pain arose from the irregularity of our life, and also my jealousy45, my irritability46, and the necessity of keeping myself in a state of perpetual semi-intoxication by hunting, card-playing, and, above all, the use of wine and tobacco. It was because of this irregularity that my wife so passionately47 pursued her occupations. The sudden changes of her disposition48, from extreme sadness to extreme gayety, and her babble49, arose from the need of forgetting herself, of forgetting her life, in the continual intoxication of varied and very brief occupations.
“Thus we lived in a perpetual fog, in which we did not distinguish our condition. We were like two galley-slaves fastened to the same ball, cursing each other, poisoning each other’s existence, and trying to shake each other off. I was still unaware50 that ninety-nine families out of every hundred live in the same hell, and that it cannot be otherwise. I had not learned this fact from others or from myself. The coincidences that are met in regular, and even in irregular life, are surprising. At the very period when the life of parents becomes impossible, it becomes indispensable that they go to the city to live, in order to educate their children. That is what we did.”
Posdnicheff became silent, and twice there escaped him, in the half-darkness, sighs, which at that moment seemed to me like suppressed sobs51. Then he continued.
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1
ignoble
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| adj.不光彩的，卑鄙的；可耻的 | |
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sip
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| v.小口地喝，抿，呷；n.一小口的量 | |
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3
pervert
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| n.堕落者，反常者；vt.误用，滥用；使人堕落，使入邪路 | |
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4
perverting
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| v.滥用( pervert的现在分词 )；腐蚀；败坏；使堕落 | |
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5
physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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7
inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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8
grandeur
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| n.伟大，崇高，宏伟，庄严，豪华 | |
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9
labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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10
contemptible
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| adj.可鄙的，可轻视的，卑劣的 | |
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11
motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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12
mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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13
dissent
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| n./v.不同意，持异议 | |
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14
hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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15
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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obstinately
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| ad.固执地，顽固地 | |
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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conversing
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| v.交谈，谈话( converse的现在分词 ) | |
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condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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20
irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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21
formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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refinement
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| n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼 | |
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ornament
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| v.装饰，美化；n.装饰，装饰物 | |
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pretexts
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| n.借口，托辞( pretext的名词复数 ) | |
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26
spats
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| n.口角( spat的名词复数 )；小争吵；鞋罩；鞋套v.spit的过去式和过去分词( spat的第三人称单数 )；口角；小争吵；鞋罩 | |
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execration
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| n.诅咒，念咒，憎恶 | |
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28
detested
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| v.憎恶，嫌恶，痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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30
analyze
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| vt.分析，解析 (=analyse) | |
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31
miseries
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| n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 )；痛苦的事；穷困；常发牢骚的人 | |
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32
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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pastry
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| n.油酥面团，酥皮糕点 | |
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intoxication
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| n.wild excitement;drunkenness；poisoning | |
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literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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turmoil
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| n.骚乱，混乱，动乱 | |
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39
hysterical
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| adj.情绪异常激动的，歇斯底里般的 | |
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40
malady
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| n.病，疾病(通常做比喻) | |
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41
immorally
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| adv.淫荡地；不正经地；不道德地；品行不良地 | |
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42
immoral
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| adj.不道德的，淫荡的，荒淫的，有伤风化的 | |
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43
stifle
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| vt.使窒息；闷死；扼杀；抑止，阻止 | |
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44
stifling
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| a.令人窒息的 | |
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45
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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46
irritability
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| n.易怒 | |
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47
passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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48
disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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49
babble
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| v.含糊不清地说，胡言乱语地说，儿语 | |
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50
unaware
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| a.不知道的，未意识到的 | |
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51
sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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