“Singular thing! Why, in the important events of our life, in those in which a man’s fate is decided6,— as mine was decided in that moment,— why in these events is there neither a past nor a future? My relations with Troukhatchevsky the first day, at the first hour, were such as they might still have been after all that has happened. I was conscious that some frightful7 misfortune must result from the presence of this man, and, in spite of that, I could not help being amiable8 to him. I introduced him to my wife. She was pleased with him. In the beginning, I suppose, because of the pleasure of the violin playing, which she adored. She had even hired for that purpose a violinist from the theatre. But when she cast a glance at me, she understood my feelings, and concealed9 her impression. Then began the mutual10 trickery and deceit. I smiled agreeably, pretending that all this pleased me extremely. He, looking at my wife, as all debauches look at beautiful women, with an air of being interested solely11 in the subject of conversation,— that is, in that which did not interest him at all.
“She tried to seem indifferent. But my expression, my jealous or false smile, which she knew so well, and the voluptuous12 glances of the musician, evidently excited her. I saw that, after the first interview, her eyes were already glittering, glittering strangely, and that, thanks to my jealousy13, between him and her had been immediately established that sort of electric current which is provoked by an identity of expression in the smile and in the eyes.
“We talked, at the first interview, of music, of Paris, and of all sorts of trivialities. He rose to go. Pressing his hat against his swaying hip14, he stood erect15, looking now at her and now at me, as if waiting to see what she would do. I remember that minute, precisely16 because it was in my power not to invite him. I need not have invited him, and then nothing would have happened. But I cast a glance first at him, then at her. ‘Don’t flatter yourself that I can be jealous of you,’ I thought, addressing myself to her mentally, and I invited the other to bring his violin that very evening, and to play with my wife. She raised her eyes toward me with astonishment17, and her face turned purple, as if she were seized with a sudden fear. She began to excuse herself, saying that she did not play well enough. This refusal only excited me the more. I remember the strange feeling with which I looked at his neck, his white neck, in contrast with his black hair, separated by a parting, when, with his skipping gait, like that of a bird, he left my house. I could not help confessing to myself that this man’s presence caused me suffering. ‘It is in my power,’ thought I, ‘to so arrange things that I shall never see him again. But can it be that I, I, fear him? No, I do not fear him. It would be too humiliating!’
“And there in the hall, knowing that my wife heard me, I insisted that he should come that very evening with his violin. He promised me, and went away. In the evening he arrived with his violin, and they played together. But for a long time things did not go well; we had not the necessary music, and that which we had my wife could not play at sight. I amused myself with their difficulties. I aided them, I made proposals, and they finally executed a few pieces,— songs without words, and a little sonata18 by Mozart. He played in a marvellous manner. He had what is called the energetic and tender tone. As for difficulties, there were none for him. Scarcely had he begun to play, when his face changed. He became serious, and much more sympathetic. He was, it is needless to say, much stronger than my wife. He helped her, he advised her simply and naturally, and at the same time played his game with courtesy. My wife seemed interested only in the music. She was very simple and agreeable. Throughout the evening I feigned19, not only for the others, but for myself, an interest solely in the music. Really, I was continually tortured by jealousy. From the first minute that the musician’s eyes met those of my wife, I saw that he did not regard her as a disagreeable woman, with whom on occasion it would be unpleasant to enter into intimate relations.
“If I had been pure, I should not have dreamed of what he might think of her. But I looked at women, and that is why I understood him and was in torture. I was in torture, especially because I was sure that toward me she had no other feeling than of perpetual irritation20, sometimes interrupted by the customary sensuality, and that this man,— thanks to his external elegance21 and his novelty, and, above all, thanks to his unquestionably remarkable22 talent, thanks to the attraction exercised under the influence of music, thanks to the impression that music produces upon nervous natures,— this man would not only please, but would inevitably23, and without difficulty, subjugate24 and conquer her, and do with her as he liked.
“I could not help seeing this. I could not help suffering, or keep from being jealous. And I was jealous, and I suffered, and in spite of that, and perhaps even because of that, an unknown force, in spite of my will, impelled25 me to be not only polite, but more than polite, amiable. I cannot say whether I did it for my wife, or to show him that I did not fear HIM, or to deceive myself; but from my first relations with him I could not be at my ease. I was obliged, that I might not give way to a desire to kill him immediately, to ‘caress’ him. I filled his glass at the table, I grew enthusiastic over his playing, I talked to him with an extremely amiable smile, and I invited him to dinner the following Sunday, and to play again. I told him that I would invite some of my acquaintances, lovers of his art, to hear him.
“Two or three days later I was entering my house, in conversation with a friend, when in the hall I suddenly felt something as heavy as a stone weighing on my heart, and I could not account for it. And it was this, it was this: in passing through the hall, I had noticed something which reminded me of HIM. Not until I reached my study did I realize what it was, and I returned to the hall to verify my conjecture26. Yes, I was not mistaken. It was his overcoat (everything that belonged to him, I, without realizing it, had observed with extraordinary attention). I questioned the servant. That was it. He had come.
I passed near the parlor27, through my children’s study-room. Lise, my daughter, was sitting before a book, and the old nurse, with my youngest child, was beside the table, turning the cover of something or other. In the parlor I heard a slow arpeggio, and his voice, deadened, and a denial from her. She said: ‘No, no! There is something else!’ And it seemed to me that some one was purposely deadening the words by the aid of the piano.
“My God! How my heart leaped! What were my imaginations! When I remember the beast that lived in me at that moment, I am seized with fright. My heart was first compressed, then stopped, and then began to beat like a hammer. The principal feeling, as in every bad feeling, was pity for myself. ‘Before the children, before the old nurse,’ thought I, ‘she dishonors me. I will go away. I can endure it no longer. God knows what I should do if. . . . But I must go in.’
The old nurse raised her eyes to mine, as if she understood, and advised me to keep a sharp watch. ‘I must go in,’ I said to myself, and, without knowing what I did, I opened the door. He was sitting at the piano and making arpeggios with his long, white, curved fingers. She was standing28 in the angle of the grand piano, before the open score. She saw or heard me first, and raised her eyes to mine. Was she stunned29, was she pretending not to be frightened, or was she really not frightened at all? In any case, she did not tremble, she did not stir. She blushed, but only a little later.
“‘How glad I am that you have come! We have not decided what we will play Sunday,’ said she, in a tone that she would not have had if she had been alone with me.
“This tone, and the way in which she said ‘we’ in speaking of herself and of him, revolted me. I saluted30 him silently. He shook hands with me directly, with a smile that seemed to me full of mockery. He explained to me that he had brought some scores, in order to prepare for the Sunday concert, and that they were not in accord as to the piece to choose,— whether difficult, classic things, notably31 a sonata by Beethoven, or lighter32 pieces.
And as he spoke33, he looked at me. It was all so natural, so simple, that there was absolutely nothing to be said against it. And at the same time I saw, I was sure, that it was false, that they were in a conspiracy34 to deceive me.
“One of the most torturing situations for the jealous (and in our social life everybody is jealous) are those social conditions which allow a very great and dangerous intimacy35 between a man and a woman under certain pretexts36. One must make himself the laughing stock of everybody, if he desires to prevent associations in the ball-room, the intimacy of doctors with their patients, the familiarity of art occupations, and especially of music. In order that people may occupy themselves together with the noblest art, music, a certain intimacy is necessary, in which there is nothing blameworthy. Only a jealous fool of a husband can have anything to say against it. A husband should not have such thoughts, and especially should not thrust his nose into these affairs, or prevent them. And yet, everybody knows that precisely in these occupations, especially in music, many adulteries originate in our society.
“I had evidently embarrassed them, because for some time I was unable to say anything. I was like a bottle suddenly turned upside down, from which the water does not run because it is too full. I wanted to insult the man, and to drive him away, but I could do nothing of the kind. On the contrary, I felt that I was disturbing them, and that it was my fault. I made a presence of approving everything, this time also, thanks to that strange feeling that forced me to treat him the more amiably37 in proportion as his presence was more painful to me. I said that I trusted to his taste, and I advised my wife to do the same. He remained just as long as it was necessary in order to efface38 the unpleasant impression of my abrupt39 entrance with a frightened face. He went away with an air of satisfaction at the conclusions arrived at. As for me, I was perfectly40 sure that, in comparison with that which preoccupied41 them, the question of music was indifferent to them. I accompanied him with especial courtesy to the hall (how can one help accompanying a man who has come to disturb your tranquillity42 and ruin the happiness of the entire family?), and I shook his white, soft hand with fervent43 amiability44.
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1
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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displeased
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| a.不快的 | |
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filthy
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| adj.卑劣的；恶劣的，肮脏的 | |
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repulsing
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| v.击退( repulse的现在分词 )；驳斥；拒绝 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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8
amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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9
concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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solely
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| adv.仅仅，唯一地 | |
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voluptuous
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| adj.肉欲的，骄奢淫逸的 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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hip
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| n.臀部，髋；屋脊 | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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sonata
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| n.奏鸣曲 | |
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feigned
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| a.假装的，不真诚的 | |
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20
irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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21
elegance
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| n.优雅；优美，雅致；精致，巧妙 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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subjugate
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| v.征服；抑制 | |
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impelled
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| v.推动、推进或敦促某人做某事( impel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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conjecture
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| n./v.推测，猜测 | |
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parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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stunned
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| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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30
saluted
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| v.欢迎，致敬( salute的过去式和过去分词 )；赞扬，赞颂 | |
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notably
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| adv.值得注意地，显著地，尤其地，特别地 | |
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lighter
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| n.打火机，点火器；驳船；v.用驳船运送；light的比较级 | |
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33
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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34
conspiracy
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| n.阴谋，密谋，共谋 | |
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35
intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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pretexts
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| n.借口，托辞( pretext的名词复数 ) | |
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37
amiably
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| adv.和蔼可亲地，亲切地 | |
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efface
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| v.擦掉，抹去 | |
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abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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40
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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41
preoccupied
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| adj.全神贯注的，入神的；被抢先占有的；心事重重的v.占据（某人）思想，使对…全神贯注，使专心于( preoccupy的过去式) | |
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42
tranquillity
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| n. 平静, 安静 | |
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43
fervent
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| adj.热的，热烈的，热情的 | |
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44
amiability
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| n.和蔼可亲的，亲切的，友善的 | |
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