Izzy shushes me from the couch. She is watching The Way We Were, a movie she’s seen twenty-thousandtimes. It is on her list of Movies You Cannot Click Past, which also includes Pretty Woman, Ghost, and DirtyDancing. “If you make me miss the end, Julia, I’ll kill you.”
“ ‘See ya, Katie,’ ” I quote for her. “ ‘See ya, Hubbell.’ ”
She throws a couch pillow at me and wipes her eyes as the theme music swells2. “Barbra Streisand,” Izzysays, “is the bomb.”
“I thought that was a gay men’s stereotype3.” I look up over the table of papers I have been studying inpreparation for tomorrow’s hearing. This is the decision I will render to the judge, based on what is in AnnaFitzgerald’s best interests. The problem is, it doesn’t matter whether I side in her favor or against her. Eitherway I will be ruining her life.
“I thought we were talking about Campbell,” Izzy says.
“No, I was talking about Campbell. You were swooning.” I rub my temples. “I thought you might besympathetic.”
“About Campbell Alexander? I’m not sympathetic. I’m apathetic4.”
“You’re right. That is what kind of pathetic you are.”
“Look, Julia. Maybe it’s hereditary,” Izzy says. She gets up and starts rubbing the muscles of my neck.
“Maybe you have a gene5 that attracts you to absolute jerks.”
“Then you have it, too.”
“Well.” She laughs. “Case in point.”
“I want to hate him, you know. Just for the record.”
Reaching over my shoulder, Izzy takes the Coke I’m drinking and finishes it off. “What happened to thisbeing strictly6 professional?”
“It is. There’s just a very vocal7 minority opposition8 group in my mind wishing otherwise.”
Izzy sits back down on the couch. “The problem, you know, is that you never forget your first one. And evenif your brain’s smart about it, your body’s got the IQ of a fruit fly.”
“It’s just so easy with him, Iz. It’s like we’re picking up where we left off. I already know everything I needto about him and he already knows everything he needs to about me.” I look at her. “Can you fall forsomeone because you’re lazy?”
“Why don’t you just screw him and get it out of your system?”
“Because,” I say, “as soon as it’s over, that’s one more piece of the past I won’t be able to get rid of.”
“I can fix you up with one of my friends,” Izzy suggests.
“They all have vaginas.”
“See, you’re looking at the wrong stuff, Julia. You ought to be attracted to someone for what they’ve gotinside them, not for the package it’s presented in. Campbell Alexander may be gorgeous, but he’s likemarzipan frosting on a sardine9.”
“You think he’s gorgeous?”
Izzy rolls her eyes. “You,” she says, “are doomed10.”
When the doorbell rings, Izzy goes to look through the peephole. “Speak of the devil.”
“It’s Campbell?” I whisper. “Tell him I’m not here.”
Izzy opens the door just a few inches. “Julia says she’s not here.”
“I’m going to kill you,” I mutter, and walk up behind her. Pushing her out of the way, I undo11 the chain and letCampbell and his dog inside.
“The reception here just keeps getting warmer and fuzzier,” he says.
I cross my arms. “What do you want? I’m working.”
“Good. Sara Fitzgerald just offered us a plea bargain. Come out to dinner with me and I’ll tell you all aboutit.”
“I am not going out to dinner with you,” I tell him.
“Actually, you are.” He shrugs12. “I know you, and eventually you’re going to give in because even more thanyou don’t want to be with me, you want to know what Anna’s mother said. Can’t we just cut to the chase?”
Izzy starts laughing. “He does know you, Julia.”
“If you don’t go willingly,” Campbell adds, “I have no problem using brute13 force. Although it’s going to beconsiderably more difficult for you to cut your filet14 mignon if your hands are tied together.”
I turn to my sister. “Do something. Please.”
She waves at me. “See ya, Katie.”
“See ya, Hubbell,” Campbell replies. “Great movie.”
Izzy looks at him, considering. “Maybe there’s hope,” she says.
“Rule number one,” I tell him. “We talk about the trial, and nothing but the trial.”
“So help me God,” Campbell adds. “And may I just say you look beautiful?”
“See, you’ve already broken the rule.”
He pulls into a parking lot near the water and cuts the engine. Then he gets out of the car and comes aroundto my side to help me out. I look around, but I don’t see anything resembling a restaurant. We are at a marinafilled with sailboats and yachts, their honey-colored decks tanning in the late sun. “Take off your sneakers,”
Campbell says.
“No.”
“For God’s sake, Julia. This isn’t the Victorian age; I’m not going to attack you because I see your ankle. Justdo it, will you?”
“Why?”
“Because right now you’ve got an enormous pole up your ass1 and this is the only G-rated way I can think ofto make you relax.” He pulls off his own deck shoes and sinks his feet into the grass growing along the edgeof the parking lot. “Ahhh,” he says, and he spreads his arms wide. “Come on, Jewel. Carpe diem. Summer’salmost over; better enjoy it while you can.”
“What about the plea bargain—”
“What Sara said is going to remain the same whether or not you go barefoot.”
I still do not know if he’s taken on this case because he’s a glory hound, because he wants the PR, or if hesimply wanted to help Anna. I want to believe the latter, idiot that I am. Campbell waits patiently, the dog athis side. Finally I untie15 my sneakers and peel off my socks. I step out onto the strip of lawn.
Summertime, I think, is a collective unconscious. We all remember the notes that made up the song of the icecream man; we all know what it feels like to brand our thighs16 on a playground slide that’s heated up like aknife in a fire; we all have lain on our backs with our eyes closed and our hearts beating across the surface ofour lids, hoping that this day will stretch just a little longer than the last one, when in fact it’s all going in theother direction. Campbell sits down on the grass. “What’s rule number two?”
“That I get to make up all the rules,” I say.
When he smiles at me, I’m lost.
Last night, Seven the Bartender slipped a martini into my waiting hand and asked me what I was hiding from.
I took a sip17 before I answered, and reminded myself why I hate martinis—they’re straight bitter alcohol,which of course is the point, but they also taste that way, which is always somehow disappointing. “I’m nothiding,” I told him. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
It was early at the bar, just dinnertime. I stopped in on my way back from the fire station, where I’d beenwith Anna. Two guys were making out in a booth in the corner, one lone18 man was sitting at the other end ofthe bar. “Can we change the channel?” He gestured toward the TV, which was broadcasting the eveningnews. “Jennings is so much hotter than Brokaw.”
Seven flicked19 the remote, then turned back to me. “You’re not hiding, but you’re sitting in a gay bar atdinnertime. You’re not hiding, but you’re wearing that suit like it’s armor.”
“Well, I’d definitely take fashion advice from a guy with a pierced tongue.”
Seven lifted a brow. “One more martini, and I could convince you to go see my man Johnston and get yourown done. You can take the pink hair dye out of the girl, but you never lose those roots.”
I took another sip of the martini. “You don’t know me.”
At the end of the bar, the other customer lifted his face to Peter Jennings and smiled.
“Maybe,” Seven said, “but neither do you.”
Dinner turns out to be bread and cheese—well, a baguette and Gruyère—on board a thirty-foot sailboat.
Campbell rolls up his pants like a castaway and sets the rigging and hauls line and catches the wind until weare so far away from the shore of Providence20 that it is only a line of color, a distant, jeweled necklace.
After a while, when it becomes clear to me that any information Campbell feels like providing me with won’tbe doled21 out until after dessert, I give in. I lie on my back with my arm draped over the sleeping dog. I watchthe sail, loose now, flap like the great white wing of a pelican22. Campbell comes up from belowdecks, wherehe’s been hunting down a corkscrew, and holds out two glasses of red wine. He sits down on the other side ofJudge and scratches behind the German shepherd’s ears. “You ever think about being an animal?”
“Figuratively? Or literally23?”
“Rhetorically,” he says. “If you hadn’t drawn24 that human card.”
I think about this for a while. “Is this a trick question? Like, if I say killer25 whale you’re going to tell me thatmeans I’m a ruthless, cold-blooded, bottom-feeder fish?”
“They’re mammals,” Campbell says. “And no. It’s just a simple, making-polite-conversation inquiry26.”
I turn my head. “What would you be?”
“I asked you first.”
Well, a bird is out of the question; I’m too scared of heights. I don’t think I have the right attitude to be a cat.
And I am too much of a loner to function in a pack, like a wolf or a dog. I think of saying something liketarsier just to show off, but then he’ll ask what the hell that is and I can’t remember if it is a rodent27 or alizard. “A goose,” I decide.
Campbell bursts out laughing. “As in Mother? Or Silly?”
It is because they mate for life, but I would rather fall overboard than tell him this. “What about you?”
But he doesn’t answer me directly. “When I asked Anna the same question, she told me she’d be a phoenix28.”
The image of the mythical29 creature rising from the ashes glitters in my mind. “They don’t really exist.”
Campbell strokes the dog’s head. “She said that depends on whether or not there’s someone who can seethem.” Then he looks up at me. “How do you see her, Julia?”
The wine I have been drinking suddenly tastes bitter. Was all this—the charm, the picnic, the sunset sail—engineered to tip my hand in his favor at tomorrow’s trial? Whatever I recommend as guardian30 ad litem willweigh heavily in Judge DeSalvo’s decision, and Campbell knows it.
Until this moment, I had not realized that someone could break your heart twice, along the very same faultlines.
“I’m not going to tell you what my decision is,” I say stiffly. “You can wait to hear it when you call me as awitness.” I grab for the anchor and try to reel it in. “I’d like to go back now, please.”
Campbell yanks the line out of my hand. “You already told me that you don’t think it’s in Anna’s bestinterests to be a kidney donor31 for her sister.”
“I also told you she’s incapable32 of making that decision by herself.”
“Her father moved her out of the house. He can be her moral compass.”
“And how long is that going to last? What about the next time?” I am furious at myself for falling for this.
For agreeing to go out to dinner, for letting myself believe that Campbell might want to be with me, ratherthan use me. Everything—from his compliments on my looks to the wine sitting on the deck between us—has been coldly calculated to help him win his case.
“Sara Fitzgerald offered us a deal,” Campbell says. “She said if Anna donates the kidney, she will never askher to do anything for her sister again. Anna turned it down.”
“You know, I could have the judge throw you in jail for this. It’s completely unethical to try to seduce33 me intochanging my mind.”
“Seduce you? All I did was lay the cards on the table for you. I made your job easier.”
“Oh, right. Forgive me,” I say sarcastically34. “This isn’t about you. This isn’t about me writing my report witha definite slant35 toward your client’s petition. If you were an animal, Campbell, you know what you’d be? Atoad. No, actually, you’d be a parasite37 on the belly38 of a toad36. Something that takes what it needs withoutgiving a single thing back.”
A vein39 throbs40 blue in his temple. “Are you finished?”
“Actually, I’m not. Is anything that comes out of your mouth ever honest?”
“I did not lie to you.”
“No? What’s the dog for, Campbell?”
“Jesus Christ, will you shut up already?” Campbell says, and he pulls me into his arms and kisses me.
His mouth moves like a silent story; he tastes like salt and wine. There is no moment of relearning, ofadjusting the patterns of the past fifteen years; our bodies remember where to go. He licks my name along thecourse of my throat. He presses himself so close to me that any hurt left on the surface between us spreadsthin, becomes a binding41 instead of a boundary.
When we break away to breathe again, Campbell stares at me. “I’m still right,” I whisper.
It is the most natural thing in the world when Campbell pulls my old sweatshirt up over my head, works atthe clasp of my bra. When he kneels before me with his head over my heart, when I feel the water rocking thehull of the boat, I think that maybe this is the place for us. Maybe there are entire worlds where there are nofences, where feeling bears you like a tide.
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收听单词发音
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1
ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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swells
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| 增强( swell的第三人称单数 )； 肿胀； （使）凸出； 充满（激情） | |
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stereotype
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| n.固定的形象，陈规，老套，旧框框 | |
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apathetic
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| adj.冷漠的，无动于衷的 | |
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gene
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| n.遗传因子，基因 | |
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strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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vocal
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| adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目 | |
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8
opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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sardine
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| n.[C]沙丁鱼 | |
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doomed
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| 命定的 | |
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undo
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| vt.解开，松开；取消，撤销 | |
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shrugs
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| n.耸肩（以表示冷淡，怀疑等）( shrug的名词复数 ) | |
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brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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filet
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| n.肉片；鱼片 | |
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untie
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| vt.解开，松开；解放 | |
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thighs
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| n.股，大腿( thigh的名词复数 )；食用的鸡（等的）腿 | |
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sip
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| v.小口地喝，抿，呷；n.一小口的量 | |
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lone
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| adj.孤寂的，单独的；唯一的 | |
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flicked
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| （尤指用手指或手快速地）轻击( flick的过去式和过去分词 )； （用…）轻挥； （快速地）按开关； 向…笑了一下（或瞥了一眼等） | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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doled
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| 救济物( dole的过去式和过去分词 )； 失业救济金 | |
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pelican
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| n.鹈鹕，伽蓝鸟 | |
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literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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killer
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| n.杀人者，杀人犯，杀手，屠杀者 | |
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inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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rodent
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| n.啮齿动物；adj.啮齿目的 | |
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phoenix
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| n.凤凰，长生(不死)鸟；引申为重生 | |
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mythical
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| adj.神话的；虚构的；想像的 | |
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guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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donor
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| n.捐献者；赠送人；(组织、器官等的)供体 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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seduce
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| vt.勾引，诱奸，诱惑，引诱 | |
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sarcastically
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| adv.挖苦地，讽刺地 | |
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slant
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| v.倾斜，倾向性地编写或报道；n.斜面，倾向 | |
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toad
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| n.蟾蜍，癞蛤蟆 | |
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parasite
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| n.寄生虫；寄生菌；食客 | |
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belly
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| n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛 | |
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vein
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| n.血管，静脉；叶脉，纹理；情绪；vt.使成脉络 | |
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throbs
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| 体内的跳动( throb的名词复数 ) | |
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binding
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| 有约束力的，有效的，应遵守的 | |
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