Sara

IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE there are orphans¹ and widows, but there is no word for the parent who loses achild.

They bring her back down to us after the donated organs are removed. I am the last to go in. In the hallway,already, are Jesse and Zanne and Campbell and some of the nurses we’ve grown close to, and even JuliaRomano—the people who needed to say goodbye.

Brian and I walk inside, where Anna lies tiny and still on the hospital bed. A tube feeds down her throat, amachine breathes for her. It is up to us to turn it off. I sit down on the edge of the bed and pick up Anna’shand, still warm to the touch, still soft inside mine. It turns out that after all these years I have spentanticipating a moment like this, I am completely at a loss. Like coloring the sky in with a crayon; there is nolanguage for grief this big. “I can’t do this,” I whisper.

Brian comes up behind me. “Sweetheart, she’s not here. It’s the machine keeping her body alive. What makesAnna Anna is already gone.”

I turn, bury my face against his chest. “But she wasn’t supposed to,” I sob².

We hold each other, then, and when I feel brave enough I look back down at the husk that once held myyoungest. He is right, after all. This is nothing but a shell. There is no energy to the lines of her face; there isa slack absence to her muscles. Under this skin they have stripped her of organs that will go to Kate and toother, nameless, second-chance people.

“Okay.” I take a deep breath. I put my hand on Anna’s chest as Brian, trembling, flips³ off the respirator. I rubher skin in small circles, as if this might make it easier. When the monitors flatline, I wait to see some changein her. And then I feel it, as her heart stops beating beneath my palm—that tiny loss of rhythm, that hollowcalm, that utter loss.

1 orphans   

孤儿( orphan的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The poor orphans were kept on short commons. 贫苦的孤儿们吃不饱饭。
• Their uncle was declared guardian to the orphans. 这些孤儿的叔父成为他们的监护人。

2 sob   

n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣

参考例句：

• The child started to sob when he couldn't find his mother.孩子因找不到他妈妈哭了起来。
• The girl didn't answer,but continued to sob with her head on the table.那个女孩不回答，也不抬起头来。她只顾低声哭着。

3 flips   

轻弹( flip的第三人称单数 )； 按（开关）； 快速翻转； 急挥

参考例句：

• Larry flips on the TV while he is on vacation in Budapest. 赖瑞在布达佩斯渡假时，打开电视收看节目。
• He flips through a book before making a decision. 他在决定买下一本书前总要先草草翻阅一下。