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Chapter Twenty-Five Because?
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The Beechams were vacating Five–Bob almost immediately — before Christmas. Grannie, aunt Helen, and uncle Jay–Jay went down to say good-bye to the ladies, who were very heartbroken about being uprooted1 from Five–Bob, but they approved of their nephew settling things at once and starting on a clean sheet. They intended taking up their residence — hiding themselves, they termed it — in Melbourne. Harold would be detained in Sydney some time during the settling of his affairs, after which he intended to take anything that turned up. He had been offered the management of Five–Bob by those in authority, but could not bring himself to accept managership where he had been master. His great desire, now that Five–Bob was no longer his, was to get as far away from old associations as possible.

He had seen his aunts off, superintended the muster2 of all stock on the place, dismissed all the female and most of the male employees, and surrendered the reins3 of government, and as Harold Augustus Beecham, boss of Five–Bob, on Monday, the 21st of December 1896, was leaving the district for ever. On Sunday, the 20th of December, he came to bid us good-bye and to arrive at an understanding with me concerning what I had said to him the Sunday before. Grannie, strange to say, never suspected that there was likely to be anything between us. Harold was so undemonstrative, and had always come and gone as he liked at Caddagat: she overlooked the possibility of his being a lover, and in our intercourse4 allowed us almost the freedom of sister and brother or cousins.

On this particular afternoon, after we had talked to grannie for a little while, knowing that he wished to interview me, I suggested that he should come up the orchard5 with me and get some gooseberries. Without demur6 from anybody we set off, and were scarcely out of hearing before Harold asked me had I really meant what I said.

“Certainly,” I replied. “That is, if you really care for me, and think it wise to choose me of all my sex.”

Ere he put it in words I read his answer in the clear brown eyes bent7 upon me.

“Syb, you know what I feel and would like, but I think it would be mean of me to allow you to make such a sacrifice.”

I knew I was not dealing8 with a booby, but with a sensible clear-sighted man, and so studied to express myself in a way which would not for an instant give him the impression that I was promising9 to marry him because — what I don’t know and it doesn’t matter much, but I said:

“Hal, don’t you think it is a little selfish of you to want to throw me over just because you have lost your money? You are young, healthy, have good character and influential10 connections, and plenty of good practical ability and sense, so, surely, you will know no such thing as failure if you meet the world bravely. Go and be the man you are; and if you fail, when I am twenty-one I will marry you, and we will help each other. I am young and strong, and am used to hard work, so poverty will not alarm me in the least. If you want me, I want you.

“Syb, you are such a perfect little brick that I couldn’t be such a beggarly cur as to let you do that. I knew you were as true as steel under your funny little whims11 and contrariness; and could you really love me now that I am poor?”

I replied with vigour12:

“Do you think I am that sort, that cares for a person only because he has a little money? Why! that is the very thing I am always preaching against. If a man was a lord or a millionaire I would not have him if I loved him not, but I would marry a poor cripple if I loved him. It wasn’t because you owned Five–Bob Downs that I liked you, but because you have a big heart in which one would have room to get warm, and because you are true, and because you are kind and big and —” Here I could feel my voice getting shaky, and being afraid I would make a fool of myself by crying, I left off.

“Syb, I will try and fix matters up a bit, and will claim you in that time if I have a home.”

“Claim me, home or not, if you are so disposed, but I will make this condition. Do not tell anyone we are engaged, and remember you are perfectly13 free. If you see a woman you like more than me, promise me on your sacred word that you will have none of those idiotic14 unjust ideas of keeping true to me. Promise.”

“Yes, I will promise,” he said easily, thinking then, no doubt, as many a one before him has thought, that he would never be called upon to fulfil his word.

“I will promise in return that I will not look at another man in a matrimonial way until the four years are up, so you need not be jealous and worry yourself; for, Hal, you can trust me, can you not?”

Taking my hand in his and looking at me with a world of love in his eyes, which moved me in spite of myself, he said:

“I could trust you in every way to the end of the world.”

“Thank you, Harold. What we have said is agreed upon — that is, of course, as things appear now: if anything turns up to disturb this arrangement it is not irrevocable in the least degree, and we can lay out more suitable plans. Four years will not be long, and I will be more sensible at the end of that time — that is, of course, if I ever have any sense. We will not write or have any communication, so you will be perfectly free if you see anyone you like better than me to go in and win. Do you agree?”

“Certainly; any little thing like that you can settle according to your fancy. I’m set up as long as I get you one way or another, that’s all I want. It was a bit tough being cleared out from all the old ways, but if I have you to stand by me it will be a great start. Say what you said last Sunday, again. Syb, say you will be my wife.”

I had expected him to put it in that way, and believing in doing all or nothing, had laid out that I would put my hand in his and promise what he asked. But now the word wife finished me up. I was very fond of Harold — fond to such an extent that had I a fortune I would gladly have given it all to him: I felt capable of giving him a life of servitude, but I loved him — big, manly15, lovable, wholesome16 Harold — from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot he was good in my sight, but lacking in that power over me which would make me desirous of being the mother of his children.

As for explaining my feelings to him — ha! He would laughingly call them one of my funny little whims. With his orthodox, practical, plain, commonsense17 views of these things, he would not understand me. What was there to understand? Only that I was queer and different from other women. But he was waiting for me to speak. I had put my hand to the plough and could not turn back. I could not use the word wife, but I put my hand in his, looked at him steadily18, and said —

“Harold. I meant what I said last Sunday. If you want me — if I am of any use to you — I will marry you when I attain19 my majority.”

He was satisfied.

He bade us good-bye early that afternoon, as he intended departing from Five–Bob when the morrow was young, and had two or three little matters to attend to previous to his departure.

I accompanied him a little way, he walking and leading his horse. We parted beneath the old willow-tree.

“Good-bye, Harold. I mean all I have said.”

I turned my face upwards20; he stooped and kissed me once — only once — one light, gentle, diffident kiss. He looked at me long and intently without saying a word, then mounted his horse, raised his hat, and rode away.

I watched him depart along the white dusty road, looking like a long snake in the glare of the summer sun, until it and he who travelled thereon disappeared among the messmate — and hickory-trees forming the horizon.

I stood gazing at the hills in the distance on which the blue dreaming mists of evening were gathering21, until tears stole down my cheeks.

I was not given to weeping. What brought them? I hardly knew. It was not because Harold was leaving, though I would miss him much. Was it because I was disappointed in love? I persuaded myself that. I loved Harold as much as I could ever love anyone, and I could not forsake22 him now that he needed me. But, but, but, I did not want to marry, and I wished that Harold had asked anything of me but that, because — because, I don’t know what, and presently felt ashamed for being such a selfish coward that I grudged23 to make a little sacrifice of my own inclinations24 to help a brother through life.

“I used to feel sure that Harry25 meant to come up to the scratch, but I suppose he’s had plenty to keep him going lately without bothering his head about a youngster in short frocks and a pigtail,” remarked uncle Jay–Jay that night.

“Well, Sybylla, poor Harry has gone: we will all — even you included — miss him very much, I am sure. I used to think that he cared for you. It may be that he has not spoken to us on account of his financial failure, and it may be that I made a mistake,” said aunt Helen when she was bidding me good night.

I held my peace.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 uprooted e0d29adea5aedb3a1fcedf8605a30128     
v.把(某物)连根拔起( uproot的过去式和过去分词 );根除;赶走;把…赶出家园
参考例句:
  • Many people were uprooted from their homes by the flood. 水灾令许多人背井离乡。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The hurricane blew with such force that trees were uprooted. 飓风强烈地刮着,树都被连根拔起了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
2 muster i6czT     
v.集合,收集,鼓起,激起;n.集合,检阅,集合人员,点名册
参考例句:
  • Go and muster all the men you can find.去集合所有你能找到的人。
  • I had to muster my courage up to ask him that question.我必须鼓起勇气向他问那个问题。
3 reins 370afc7786679703b82ccfca58610c98     
感情,激情; 缰( rein的名词复数 ); 控制手段; 掌管; (成人带着幼儿走路以防其走失时用的)保护带
参考例句:
  • She pulled gently on the reins. 她轻轻地拉着缰绳。
  • The government has imposed strict reins on the import of luxury goods. 政府对奢侈品的进口有严格的控制手段。
4 intercourse NbMzU     
n.性交;交流,交往,交际
参考例句:
  • The magazine becomes a cultural medium of intercourse between the two peoples.该杂志成为两民族间文化交流的媒介。
  • There was close intercourse between them.他们过往很密。
5 orchard UJzxu     
n.果园,果园里的全部果树,(美俚)棒球场
参考例句:
  • My orchard is bearing well this year.今年我的果园果实累累。
  • Each bamboo house was surrounded by a thriving orchard.每座竹楼周围都是茂密的果园。
6 demur xmfzb     
v.表示异议,反对
参考例句:
  • Without demur, they joined the party in my rooms. 他们没有推辞就到我的屋里一起聚餐了。
  • He accepted the criticism without demur. 他毫无异议地接受了批评。
7 bent QQ8yD     
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的
参考例句:
  • He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
  • We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。
8 dealing NvjzWP     
n.经商方法,待人态度
参考例句:
  • This store has an excellent reputation for fair dealing.该商店因买卖公道而享有极高的声誉。
  • His fair dealing earned our confidence.他的诚实的行为获得我们的信任。
9 promising BkQzsk     
adj.有希望的,有前途的
参考例句:
  • The results of the experiments are very promising.实验的结果充满了希望。
  • We're trying to bring along one or two promising young swimmers.我们正设法培养出一两名有前途的年轻游泳选手。
10 influential l7oxK     
adj.有影响的,有权势的
参考例句:
  • He always tries to get in with the most influential people.他总是试图巴结最有影响的人物。
  • He is a very influential man in the government.他在政府中是个很有影响的人物。
11 WHIMS ecf1f9fe569e0760fc10bec24b97c043     
虚妄,禅病
参考例句:
  • The mate observed regretfully that he could not account for that young fellow's whims. 那位伙伴很遗憾地说他不能说出那年轻人产生怪念头的原因。
  • The rest she had for food and her own whims. 剩下的钱她用来吃饭和买一些自己喜欢的东西。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
12 vigour lhtwr     
(=vigor)n.智力,体力,精力
参考例句:
  • She is full of vigour and enthusiasm.她有热情,有朝气。
  • At 40,he was in his prime and full of vigour.他40岁时正年富力强。
13 perfectly 8Mzxb     
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地
参考例句:
  • The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
  • Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。
14 idiotic wcFzd     
adj.白痴的
参考例句:
  • It is idiotic to go shopping with no money.去买东西而不带钱是很蠢的。
  • The child's idiotic deeds caused his family much trouble.那小孩愚蠢的行为给家庭带来许多麻烦。
15 manly fBexr     
adj.有男子气概的;adv.男子般地,果断地
参考例句:
  • The boy walked with a confident manly stride.这男孩以自信的男人步伐行走。
  • He set himself manly tasks and expected others to follow his example.他给自己定下了男子汉的任务,并希望别人效之。
16 wholesome Uowyz     
adj.适合;卫生的;有益健康的;显示身心健康的
参考例句:
  • In actual fact the things I like doing are mostly wholesome.实际上我喜欢做的事大都是有助于增进身体健康的。
  • It is not wholesome to eat without washing your hands.不洗手吃饭是不卫生的。
17 commonsense aXpyp     
adj.有常识的;明白事理的;注重实际的
参考例句:
  • It is commonsense to carry an umbrella in this weather.这种天气带把伞是很自然的。
  • These results are no more than a vindication of commonsense analysis.这些结果只不过是按常理分析得出的事实。
18 steadily Qukw6     
adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地
参考例句:
  • The scope of man's use of natural resources will steadily grow.人类利用自然资源的广度将日益扩大。
  • Our educational reform was steadily led onto the correct path.我们的教学改革慢慢上轨道了。
19 attain HvYzX     
vt.达到,获得,完成
参考例句:
  • I used the scientific method to attain this end. 我用科学的方法来达到这一目的。
  • His painstaking to attain his goal in life is praiseworthy. 他为实现人生目标所下的苦功是值得称赞的。
20 upwards lj5wR     
adv.向上,在更高处...以上
参考例句:
  • The trend of prices is still upwards.物价的趋向是仍在上涨。
  • The smoke rose straight upwards.烟一直向上升。
21 gathering ChmxZ     
n.集会,聚会,聚集
参考例句:
  • He called on Mr. White to speak at the gathering.他请怀特先生在集会上讲话。
  • He is on the wing gathering material for his novels.他正忙于为他的小说收集资料。
22 forsake iiIx6     
vt.遗弃,抛弃;舍弃,放弃
参考例句:
  • She pleaded with her husband not to forsake her.她恳求丈夫不要抛弃她。
  • You must forsake your bad habits.你必须革除你的坏习惯。
23 grudged 497ff7797c8f8bc24299e4af22d743da     
怀恨(grudge的过去式与过去分词形式)
参考例句:
  • The mean man grudged the food his horse ate. 那个吝啬鬼舍不得喂马。
  • He grudged the food his horse ate. 他吝惜马料。
24 inclinations 3f0608fe3c993220a0f40364147caa7b     
倾向( inclination的名词复数 ); 倾斜; 爱好; 斜坡
参考例句:
  • She has artistic inclinations. 她有艺术爱好。
  • I've no inclinations towards life as a doctor. 我的志趣不是行医。
25 harry heBxS     
vt.掠夺,蹂躏,使苦恼
参考例句:
  • Today,people feel more hurried and harried.今天,人们感到更加忙碌和苦恼。
  • Obama harried business by Healthcare Reform plan.奥巴马用医改掠夺了商界。


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