Chapter Thirty-Seven

He that despiseth little things, shall fall little by little

I

The morning came, breakfast, next Harold’s departure. I shook my head and slipped the note into his hand as we parted. He rode slowly down the road. I sat on the step of the garden gate, buried my face in my hands, and reviewed the situation. I could see my life, stretching out ahead of me, barren and monotonous¹ as the thirsty track along which Harold was disappearing. Today it was washing, ironing tomorrow, next day baking, after that scrubbing — thus on and on. We would occasionally see a neighbour or a tea-agent, a tramp or an Assyrian hawker. By hard slogging against flood, fire, drought, pests, stock diseases, and the sweating occasioned by importation, we could manage to keep bread in our mouths. By training and education I was fitted for nought² but what I was, or a general slavey, which was many degrees worse. I could take my choice. Life was too much for me. What was the end of it, what its meaning, aim, hope, or use?

In comparison to millions I knew that I had received more than a fair share of the goods of life; but knowing another has leprosy makes our cancer none the easier to bear.

My mother’s voice, sharp and cross, roused me. “Sybylla, you lazy unprincipled girl, to sit scheming there while your poor old mother is at the wash-tub. You sit idling there, and then by and by you’ll be groaning³ about this terrible life in which there’s time for nothing but work.”

How she fussed and bothered over the clothes was a marvel⁴ to me. My frame of mind was such that it seemed it would not signify if all our clothes went to the dogs, and the clothes of our neighbours, and the clothes of the whole world, and the world itself for the matter of that.

“Sybylla, you are a dirty careless washer. You’ve put Stanley’s trousers in the boil and the colour is coming out of them, and your father’s best white handkerchief should have been with the first lot, and here it is now.”

Poor mother got crosser as she grew weary with the fierce heat and arduous⁵ toil⁶, and as I in my abstraction continued to make mistakes, but the last straw was the breaking of an old cup which I accidentally pushed off the table.

I got it hot. Had I committed an act of premeditated villainy I could not have received more lecturing. I deserved it — I was careless, cups were scarce with us, and we could not afford more; but what I rail against is the grindingly uneventful narrowness of the life in which the unintentional breaking of a common cup is good for a long scolding.

Ah, my mother! In my life of nineteen years I can look back and see a time when she was all gentleness and refinement⁷, but the polish has been worn off it by years and years of scrubbing and scratching, and washing and patching, and poverty and husbandly neglect, and the bearing of burdens too heavy for delicate shoulders. Would that we were more companionable, it would make many an oasis⁸ in the desert of our lives. Oh that I could take an all-absorbing interest in patterns and recipes, bargains and orthodoxy! Oh that you could understand my desire to feel the rolling billows of the ocean beneath, to hear the pealing⁹ of a great organ through dimly lit arches, or the sob¹⁰ and wail¹¹ of a violin in a brilliant crowded hall, to be swept on by the human stream.

Ah, thou cruel fiend — Ambition! Desire!

“Soul of the leaping flame,

  Heart of the scarlet¹² fire,

Spirit that hath for name

  Only the name — Desire!”

To hot young hearts beating passionately¹³ in strong breasts, the sweetest thing is motion.

No, that part of me went beyond my mother’s understanding. On the other hand, there was a part of my mother — her brave cheerfulness, her trust in God, her heroic struggle to keep the home together — which went soaring on beyond my understanding, leaving me a coward weakling, grovelling¹⁴ in the dust.

Would that hot dreary¹⁵ day never close? What advantage when it did? The next and the next and many weeks of others just the same were following hard after.

If the souls of lives were voiced in music, there are some that none but a great organ could express, others the clash of a full orchestra, a few to which nought but the refined and exquisite¹⁶ sadness of a violin could do justice. Many might be likened unto common pianos, jangling and out of tune¹⁷, and some to the feeble piping of a penny whistle, and mine could be told with a couple of nails in a rusty¹⁸ tin-pot.

Why do I write? For what does any one write? Shall I get a hearing? If so — what then?

I have voiced the things around me, the small-minded thoughts, the sodden¹⁹ round of grinding tasks — a monotonous, purposeless, needless existence. But patience, O heart, surely I can make a purpose! For the present, of my family I am the most suited to wait about common public-houses to look after my father when he is inebriated²⁰. It breaks my mother’s heart to do it; it is dangerous for my brothers; imagine Gertie in such a position! But me it does not injure, I have the faculty²¹ for doing that sort of thing without coming to harm, and if it makes me more bitter and godless, well, what matter?
ii

The next letter I received from Gertie contained:

I suppose you were glad to see Harry²². He did not tell me he was going, or I would have sent some things by him. I thought he would be able to tell me lots about you that I was dying to hear, but he never said a word, only that you were all well. He went travelling some weeks ago. I missed him at first because he used to be so kind to me; but now I don’t, because Mr Creyton, whom Harry left to manage Five–Bob, comes just as often as Harry used to, and is lots funnier. He brings me something nice every time. Uncle Jay–Jay teases me about him.

Happy butterfly-natured Gertie! I envied her. With Gertie’s letter came also one from grannie, with further mention of Harold Beecham.

We don’t know what to make of Harold Beecham. He was always such a steady fellow, and hated to go away from home even for a short time, but now he has taken an idea to rush away to America, and is not coming home till he has gone over the world. He is not going to see anything, because by cablegrams his aunts got he is one place today and hundreds of miles away tomorrow. It is some craze he has suddenly taken. I was asking Augusta if there was ever any lunacy in the family, and she says not that she knows of. It was a very unwise act to leave full management to Creyton and Benson in the face of such a drought. One warning and marvellous escape such as he has had ought to be enough for a man with any sense. I told him he’d be poor again if he didn’t take care, but he said he didn’t mind if all his property was blown into atoms, as it had done him more harm than good, whatever he means by talking that way. Insanity²³ is the only reason I can see for his conduct. I thought he had his eye on Gertie, but I questioned her, and it appears he has never said anything to her. I wonder what was his motive²⁴ for going to Possum Gully that time?

Travel was indeed an unexpected development on the part of Harold Beecham. He had such a marked aversion to anything of that sort, and never went even to Sydney or Melbourne for more than a few days at a stretch, and that on business or at a time of stock shows.

There were many conjectures²⁵ re the motive of his visit to Possum Gully, but I held my peace.

1 monotonous   

adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的

参考例句：

• She thought life in the small town was monotonous.她觉得小镇上的生活单调而乏味。
• His articles are fixed in form and monotonous in content.他的文章千篇一律，一个调调儿。

2 nought   

n.／adj.无，零

参考例句：

• We must bring their schemes to nought.我们必须使他们的阴谋彻底破产。
• One minus one leaves nought.一减一等于零。

3 groaning   

adj. 呜咽的, 呻吟的 动词groan的现在分词形式

参考例句：

• She's always groaning on about how much she has to do. 她总抱怨自己干很多活儿。
• The wounded man lay there groaning, with no one to help him. 受伤者躺在那里呻吟着，无人救助。

4 marvel   

vi.(at)惊叹vt.感到惊异；n.令人惊异的事

参考例句：

• The robot is a marvel of modern engineering.机器人是现代工程技术的奇迹。
• The operation was a marvel of medical skill.这次手术是医术上的一个奇迹。

5 arduous   

adj.艰苦的，费力的，陡峭的

参考例句：

• We must have patience in doing arduous work.我们做艰苦的工作要有耐性。
• The task was more arduous than he had calculated.这项任务比他所估计的要艰巨得多。

6 toil   

vi.辛劳工作，艰难地行动；n.苦工，难事

参考例句：

• The wealth comes from the toil of the masses.财富来自大众的辛勤劳动。
• Every single grain is the result of toil.每一粒粮食都来之不易。

7 refinement   

n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼

参考例句：

• Sally is a woman of great refinement and beauty. 莎莉是个温文尔雅又很漂亮的女士。
• Good manners and correct speech are marks of refinement.彬彬有礼和谈吐得体是文雅的标志。

8 oasis   

n.（沙漠中的）绿洲，宜人的地方

参考例句：

• They stopped for the night at an oasis.他们在沙漠中的绿洲停下来过夜。
• The town was an oasis of prosperity in a desert of poverty.该镇是贫穷荒漠中的一块繁荣的“绿洲”。

9 pealing   

v.（使）（钟等）鸣响，（雷等）发出隆隆声( peal的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The bell began pealing. 钟声开始鸣响了。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• The church bells are pealing the message of Christmas joy. 教堂的钟声洪亮地传颂着圣诞快乐的信息。 来自辞典例句

10 sob   

n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣

参考例句：

• The child started to sob when he couldn't find his mother.孩子因找不到他妈妈哭了起来。
• The girl didn't answer,but continued to sob with her head on the table.那个女孩不回答，也不抬起头来。她只顾低声哭着。

11 wail   

vt./vi.大声哀号，恸哭；呼啸，尖啸

参考例句：

• Somewhere in the audience an old woman's voice began plaintive wail.观众席里，一位老太太伤心地哭起来。
• One of the small children began to wail with terror.小孩中的一个吓得大哭起来。

12 scarlet   

n.深红色，绯红色，红衣；adj.绯红色的

参考例句：

• The scarlet leaves of the maples contrast well with the dark green of the pines.深红的枫叶和暗绿的松树形成了明显的对比。
• The glowing clouds are growing slowly pale,scarlet,bright red,and then light red.天空的霞光渐渐地淡下去了，深红的颜色变成了绯红，绯红又变为浅红。

13 passionately   

ad.热烈地，激烈地

参考例句：

• She could hate as passionately as she could love. 她能恨得咬牙切齿，也能爱得一往情深。
• He was passionately addicted to pop music. 他酷爱流行音乐。

14 grovelling   

adj.卑下的，奴颜婢膝的v.卑躬屈节，奴颜婢膝( grovel的现在分词 )；趴

参考例句：

• Can a policeman possibly enjoy grovelling in the dirty side of human behaivour? 一个警察成天和人类行为的丑恶面打交道，能感到津津有味吗？ 来自互联网

15 dreary   

adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的

参考例句：

• They live such dreary lives.他们的生活如此乏味。
• She was tired of hearing the same dreary tale of drunkenness and violence.她听够了那些关于酗酒和暴力的乏味故事。

16 exquisite   

adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的

参考例句：

• I was admiring the exquisite workmanship in the mosaic.我当时正在欣赏镶嵌画的精致做工。
• I still remember the exquisite pleasure I experienced in Bali.我依然记得在巴厘岛所经历的那种剧烈的快感。

17 tune   

n.调子；和谐，协调；v.调音，调节，调整

参考例句：

• He'd written a tune,and played it to us on the piano.他写了一段曲子，并在钢琴上弹给我们听。
• The boy beat out a tune on a tin can.那男孩在易拉罐上敲出一首曲子。

18 rusty   

adj.生锈的；锈色的；荒废了的

参考例句：

• The lock on the door is rusty and won't open.门上的锁锈住了。
• I haven't practiced my French for months and it's getting rusty.几个月不用，我的法语又荒疏了。

19 sodden   

adj.浑身湿透的；v.使浸透；使呆头呆脑

参考例句：

• We stripped off our sodden clothes.我们扒下了湿透的衣服。
• The cardboard was sodden and fell apart in his hands.纸板潮得都发酥了，手一捏就碎。

20 inebriated   

adj.酒醉的

参考例句：

• He was inebriated by his phenomenal success. 他陶醉于他显赫的成功。 来自互联网
• Drunken driver(a driver who is inebriated). 喝醉了的司机（醉酒的司机） 来自互联网

21 faculty   

n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员

参考例句：

• He has a great faculty for learning foreign languages.他有学习外语的天赋。
• He has the faculty of saying the right thing at the right time.他有在恰当的时候说恰当的话的才智。

22 harry   

vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼

参考例句：

• Today,people feel more hurried and harried.今天，人们感到更加忙碌和苦恼。
• Obama harried business by Healthcare Reform plan.奥巴马用医改掠夺了商界。

23 insanity   

n.疯狂，精神错乱；极端的愚蠢，荒唐

参考例句：

• In his defense he alleged temporary insanity.他伪称一时精神错乱，为自己辩解。
• He remained in his cell,and this visit only increased the belief in his insanity.他依旧还是住在他的地牢里，这次视察只是更加使人相信他是个疯子了。

24 motive   

n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的

参考例句：

• The police could not find a motive for the murder.警察不能找到谋杀的动机。
• He had some motive in telling this fable.他讲这寓言故事是有用意的。

25 conjectures   

推测，猜想( conjecture的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• That's weighing remote military conjectures against the certain deaths of innocent people. 那不过是牵强附会的军事假设，而现在的事实却是无辜者正在惨遭杀害，这怎能同日而语！
• I was right in my conjectures. 我所猜测的都应验了。