"I'm going to die," I blubbered through quivering lips.
Oncoming death is terrible enough, but worse still isoncoming death with time to spare, time in which all thehappiness that was yours and all the happiness that might havebeen yours becomes clear to you. You see with utter lucidity3 allthat you are losing. The sight brings on an oppressive sadnessthat no car about to hit you or water about to drown you canmatch. The feeling is truly unbearable4. The words Father,Mother, Ravi, India, Winnipeg struck me with searingpoignancy.
I was giving up. I would have given up – if a voice hadn'tmade itself heard in my heart. The voice said, "I will not die. Irefuse it. I will make it through this nightmare. I will beat theodds, as great as they are. I have survived so far, miraculously5.
Now I will turn miracle into routine. The ‘amazing will be seenevery day. I will put in all the hard work necessary. Yes, solong as God is with me, I will not die. Amen."My face set to a grim and determined6 expression. I speak inall modesty7 as I say this, but I discovered at that moment thatI have a fierce will to live. It's not something evident, in myexperience. Some of us give up on life with only a resignedsigh. Others fight a little, then lose hope. Still others – and Iam one of those – never give up. We fight and fight and fight.
We fight no matter the cost of battle, the losses we take, theimprobability of success. We fight to the very end. It's not aquestion of courage. It's something constitutional, an inability tolet go. It may be nothing more than life-hungry stupidity.
Richard Parker started growling9 that very instant, as if hehad been waiting for me to become a worthy10 opponent. Mychest became tight with fear.
"Quick, man, quick," I wheezed11. I had to organize mysurvival. Not a second to waste. I needed shelter and rightaway. I thought of the prow12 I had made with an oar1. But nowthe tarpaulin13 was unrolled at the bow; there was nothing tohold the oar in place. And I had no proof that hanging at theend of an oar provided real safety from Richard< Parker. Hemight easily reach and nab me. I had to find something else.
My mind worked fast.
I built a raft. The oars14, if you remember, floated. And I hadlife jackets and a sturdy lifebuoy.
With bated breath I closed the locker15 and reached beneaththe tarpaulin for the extra oars on the side benches. RichardParker noticed. I could see him through the life jackets. As Idragged each oar out – you can imagine how carefully – hestirred in reaction. But he did not turn. I pulled out three oars.
A fourth was already resting crosswise on the tarpaulin. Iraised the locker lid to close the opening onto Richard Parker'sden.
I had four buoyant oars. I set them on the tarpaulin aroundthe lifebuoy. The lifebuoy was now squared by the oars. Myraft looked like a game of tic-tac-toe with an O in the centreas the first move.
Now came the dangerous part. I needed the life jackets.
Richard Parker's growling was now a deep rumble16 that shookthe air. The hyena17 responded with a whine18, a wavering,high-pitched whine, a sure sign that trouble was on the way.
I had no choice. I had to act. I lowered the lid again. Thelife jackets were at hand's reach. Some were right againstRichard Parker. The hyena broke into a scream.
I reached for the closest life jacket. I had difficulty graspingit, my hand was trembling so much. I pulled the jacket out.
Richard Parker did not seem to notice. I pulled another oneout. And another. I was feeling faint with fear. I was havinggreat difficulty breathing. If need be, I told myself, I couldthrow myself overboard with these life jackets. I pulled a lastone out. I had four life jackets.
Pulling the oars in one after the next, I worked themthrough the armholes of the life jackets – in one armhole, outthe other – so that the life jackets became secured to the fourcorners of the raft. I tied each one shut.
I found one of the buoyant ropes in the locker. With theknife, I cut four segments. I tightly lashed19 the four oars wherethey met. Ah, to have had a practical education in knots! Ateach corner I made ten knots and still I worried that the oarswould come apart. I worked feverishly20, all the while cursing mystupidity. A tiger aboard and I had waited three days andthree nights to save my life!
I cut four more segments of the buoyant rope and tied thelifebuoy to each side of the square. I wove the lifebuoy's ropethrough the life jackets, around the oars, in and out of thelifebuoy – all round the raft – as yet another precautionagainst the raft breaking into pieces.
The hyena was now screaming at top pitch.
One last thing to do. "God, give me the time," I implored21. Itook the rest of the buoyant line. There was a hole that wentthrough the stem of the boat, near the top. I brought thebuoyant rope through it and hitched22 it. I only had to hitch23 theother end of the rope to the raft and I might be saved.
The hyena fell silent. My heart stopped and then beat triplespeed. I turned.
"Jesus, Mary, Muhammad and Vishnu!"I saw a sight that will stay with me for the rest of my days.
Richard Parker had risen and emerged. He was not fifteen feetfrom me. Oh, the size of him! The hyena's end had come, andmine. I stood rooted to the spot, paralyzed, in thrall24 to theaction before my eyes. My brief experience with the relations ofunconfmed wild animals in lifeboats had made me expect greatnoise and protest when the time came for bloodshed. But ithappened practically in silence. The hyena died neither whiningnor whimpering, and Richard Parker killed without a sound.
The flame-coloured carnivore emerged from beneath thetarpaulin and made for the hyena. The hyena was leaningagainst the stern bench, behind the zebra's carcass, transfixed.
It did not put up a fight. Instead it shrank to the floor, liftinga forepaw in a futile25 gesture of defence. The look on its facewas of terror. A massive paw landed on its shoulders. RichardParker's jaws26 closed on the side of the hyena's neck. Its glazedeyes widened. There was a noise of organic crunching27 aswindpipe and spinal28 cord were crushed. The hyena shook. Itseyes went dull. It was over.
Richard Parker let go and growled29. But a quiet growl8, privateand half-hearted, it seemed. He was panting, his tonguehanging from his mouth. He licked his chops. He shook hishead. He sniffed30 the dead hyena. He raised his head high andsmelled the air. He placed his forepaws on the stern benchand lifted himself. His feet were wide apart. The rolling of theboat, though gentle, was visibly not to his liking31. He lookedbeyond the gunnel at the open seas. He put out a low, meansnarl. He smelled the air again. He slowly turned his head. Itturned – turned – turned full round – till he was lookingstraight at me. I wish I could describe what happened next,not as I saw it, which I might manage, but as I felt it. Ibeheld Richard Parker from the angle that showed him off togreatest effect: from the back, half-raised, with his head turned.
The stance had something of a pose to it, as if it were anintentional, even affected32, display of mighty33 art. And what art,what might. His presence was overwhelming, yet equally evidentwas the lithesome grace of it. He was incredibly muscular, yethis haunches were thin and his glossy34 coat hung loosely on hisframe. His body, bright brownish orange streaked35 with blackvertical stripes, was incomparably beautiful, matched with atailor's eye for harmony by his pure white chest and undersideand the black rings of his long tail. His head was large andround, displaying formidable sideburns, a stylish36 goatee andsome of the finest whiskers of the cat world, thick, long andwhite. Atop the head were small, expressive37 ears shaped likeperfect arches. His carrot orange face had a broad bridge anda pink nose, and it was made up with brazen38 flair39. Wavy40 dabsof black circled the face in a pattern that was striking yetsubtle, for it brought less attention to itself than it did to theone part of the face left untouched by it, the bridge, whoserufous lustre41 shone nearly with a radiance. The patches ofwhite above the eyes, on the cheeks and around the mouthcame off as finishing touches worthy of a Kathakali dancer. Theresult was a face that looked like the wings of a butterfly andbore an expression vaguely42 old and Chinese. But when RichardParker's amber43 eyes met mine, the stare was intense, cold andunflinching, not flighty or friendly, and spoke44 of self-possessionon the point of exploding with rage. His ears twitched45 and thenswivelled right around. One of his lips began to rise and fall.
The yellow canine46 thus coyly revealed was as long as mylongest finger.
Every hair on me was standing47 up, shrieking48 with fear.
That's when the rat appeared. Out of nowhere, a scrawnybrown rat materialized on the side bench, nervous andbreathless. Richard Parker looked as astonished as I was. Therat leapt onto the tarpaulin and raced my way. At the sight, inshock and surprise, my legs gave way beneath me and Ipractically fell into the locker. Before my incredulous eyes therodent hopped49 over the various parts of the raft, jumped ontome and climbed to the top of my head, where I felt its littleclaws clamping down on my scalp, holding on for dear life.
Richard Parker's eyes had followed the rat. They were nowfixed on my head.
He completed the turn of his head with a slow turn of hisbody, moving his forepaws sideways along the side bench. Hedropped to the floor of the boat with ponderous50 ease. I couldsee the top of his head, his back and his long, curled tail. Hisears lay flat against his skull51. In three paces he was at themiddle of the boat. Without effort the front half of his bodyrose in the air and his forepaws came to rest on the rolled-upedge of the tarpaulin.
He was less than ten feet away. His head, his chest, hispaws – so big! so big! His teeth – an entire army battalion52 ina mouth. He was making to jump onto the tarpaulin. I wasabout to die.
But the tarpaulin's strange softness bothered him. He pressedat it tentatively. He looked up anxiously – the exposure to somuch light and open space did not please him either. And therolling motion of the boat continued to unsettle him. For a briefmoment, Richard Parker was hesitating.
I grabbed the rat and threw it his way. I can still see it inmy mind as it sailed through the air – its outstretched clawsand erect53 tail, its tiny elongated54 scrotum and pinpoint55 anus.
Richard Parker opened his maw and the squealing56 ratdisappeared into it like a baseball into a catcher's mitt57. Itshairless tail vanished like a spaghetti noodle sucked into amouth.
He seemed satisfied with the offering. He backed down andreturned beneath the tarpaulin. My legs instantly becamefunctional again. I leapt up and raised the locker lid again toblock the open space between bow bench and tarpaulin.
I heard loud sniffing58 and the noise of a body being dragged.
His shifting weight made the boat rock a little. I began hearingthe sound of a mouth eating. I peeked59 beneath the tarpaulin.
He was in the middle of the boat. He was eating the hyena bygreat chunks60, voraciously61. This chance would not come again. Ireached and retrieved62 the remaining life jackets – six in all –and the last oar. They would go to improving the raft. Inoticed in passing a smell. It was not the sharp smell of catpiss. It was vomit63. There was a patch of it on the floor of theboat. It must have come from Richard Parker. So he wasindeed seasick64.
I hitched the long rope to the raft. Lifeboat and raft werenow tethered. Next I attached a life jacket to each side of theraft, on its underside. Another life jacket I strapped65 across thehole of the lifebuoy to act as a seat. I turned the last oar intoa footrest, lashing66 it on one side of the raft, about two feetfrom the lifebuoy, and tying the remaining life jacket to it. Myfingers trembled as I worked, and my breath was short andstrained. I checked and rechecked all my knots.
I looked about the sea. Only great, gentle swells67. Nowhitecaps. The wind was low and constant. I looked down.
There were fish – big fish with protruding68 foreheads and verylong dorsal69 fins70, dorados they are called, and smaller fish, leanand long, unknown to me, and smaller ones still – and therewere sharks.
I eased the raft off the lifeboat. If for some reason it didnot float, I was as good as dead. It took to the waterbeautifully. In fact, the buoyancy of the life jackets was suchthat they pushed the oars and the lifebuoy right out of thewater. But my heart sank. As soon as the raft touched thewater, the fish scattered71 – except for the sharks. Theyremained. Three or four of them. One swam directly beneaththe raft. Richard Parker growled.
I felt like a prisoner being pushed off a plank72 by pirates.
I brought the raft as close to the lifeboat as the protrudingtips of the oars would allow. I leaned out and lay my handson the lifebuoy. Through the "cracks" in the floor of the raft –yawning crevasses73 would be more accurate – I looked directlyinto the bottomless depths of the sea. I heard Richard Parkeragain. I flopped74 onto the raft on my stomach. I lay flat andspread-eagled and did not move a finger. I expected the raft tooverturn at any moment. Or a shark to lunge and bite rightthrough the life jackets and oars. Neither happened. The raftsank lower and pitched and rolled, the tips of the oars dippingunderwater, but it floated robustly75. Sharks came close, but didnot touch.
I felt a gentle tug76. The raft swung round. I raised my head.
The lifeboat and the raft had already separated as far as therope would go, about forty feet. The rope tensed and lifted outof the water and wavered in the air. It was a highly distressingsight. I had fled the lifeboat to save my life. Now I wanted toget back. This raft business was far too precarious77. It onlyneeded a shark to bite the rope, or a knot to become undone,or a large wave to crash upon me, and I would be lost.
Compared to the raft, the lifeboat now seemed a haven78 ofcomfort and security.
I gingerly turned over. I sat up. Stability was good, so far.
My footrest worked well enough. But it was all too small. Therewas just enough space to sit on and no more. This toy raft,mini-raft, micro-raft, might do for a pond, but not for thePacific Ocean. I took hold of the rope and pulled. The closer Igot to the lifeboat, the slower I pulled. When I was next to thelifeboat, I heard Richard Parker. He was still eating.
I hesitated for long minutes.
I stayed on the raft. I didn't see what else I could do. Myoptions were limited to perching above a tiger or hovering79 oversharks. I knew perfectly80 well how dangerous Richard Parkerwas. Sharks, on the other hand, had not yet proved to bedangerous. I checked the knots that held the rope to thelifeboat and to the raft. I let the rope out until I was thirty orso feet from the lifeboat, the distance that about rightlybalanced my two fears: being too close to Richard Parker andbeing too far from the lifeboat. The extra rope, ten feet or so,I looped around the footrest oar. I could easily let out slack ifthe need arose.
The day was ending. It started to rain. It had been overcastand warm all day. Now the temperature dropped, and thedownpour was steady and cold. All around me heavy drops offresh water plopped loudly and wastefully81 into the sea, dimplingits surface. I pulled on the rope again. When I was at the bowI turned onto my knees and took hold of the stem. I pulledmyself up and carefully peeped over the gunnel. He wasn't insight.
I hurriedly reached down into the locker. I grabbed a raincatcher, a fifty-litre plastic bag, a blanket and the survivalmanual. I slammed the locker lid shut. I didn't mean to slam it– only to protect my precious goods from the rain – but thelid slipped from my wet hand. It was a bad mistake. In thevery act of revealing myself to Richard Parker by bringingdown what blocked his view, I made a great loud noise toattract his attention. He was crouched82 over the hyena. Hishead turned instantly. Many animals intensely dislike beingdisturbed while they are eating. Richard Parker snarled83. Hisclaws tensed. The tip of his tail twitched electrically. I fell backonto the raft, and I believe it was terror as much as wind andcurrent that widened the distance between raft and lifeboat soswiftly. I let out all the rope. I expected Richard Parker toburst forth84 from the boat, sailing through the air, teeth andclaws reaching for me. I kept my eyes on the boat. The longerI looked, the more unbearable was the expectation.
He did not appear.
By the time I had opened the rain catcher above my headand tucked my feet into the plastic bag, I was already soakedto the bones. And the blanket had got wet when I fell backonto the raft. I wrapped myself with it nonetheless.
Night crept up. My surroundings disappeared into pitch-blackdarkness. Only the regular tugging85 of the rope at the raft toldme that I was still attached to the lifeboat. The sea, inchesbeneath me yet too far for my eyes, buffeted86 the raft. Fingersof water reached up furtively87 through the cracks and wet mybottom.
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1
oar
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| n.桨，橹，划手；v.划行 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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lucidity
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| n.明朗，清晰，透明 | |
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unbearable
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| adj.不能容忍的；忍受不住的 | |
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miraculously
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| ad.奇迹般地 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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growl
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| v.（狗等）嗥叫，（炮等）轰鸣；n.嗥叫，轰鸣 | |
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growling
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| n.吠声, 咆哮声 v.怒吠, 咆哮, 吼 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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wheezed
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| v.喘息，发出呼哧呼哧的喘息声( wheeze的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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prow
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| n.(飞机)机头，船头 | |
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tarpaulin
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| n.涂油防水布，防水衣，防水帽 | |
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oars
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| n.桨，橹( oar的名词复数 )；划手v.划（行）( oar的第三人称单数 ) | |
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locker
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| n.更衣箱，储物柜，冷藏室，上锁的人 | |
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rumble
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| n.隆隆声；吵嚷；v.隆隆响；低沉地说 | |
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hyena
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| n.土狼，鬣狗 | |
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whine
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| v.哀号，号哭；n.哀鸣 | |
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lashed
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| adj.具睫毛的v.鞭打( lash的过去式和过去分词 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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feverishly
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| adv. 兴奋地 | |
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implored
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| 恳求或乞求（某人）( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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hitched
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| （免费）搭乘他人之车( hitch的过去式和过去分词 )； 搭便车； 攀上； 跃上 | |
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hitch
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| v.免费搭(车旅行)；系住；急提；n.故障；急拉 | |
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thrall
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| n.奴隶；奴隶制 | |
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futile
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| adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的 | |
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jaws
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| n.口部；嘴 | |
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crunching
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| v.嘎吱嘎吱地咬嚼( crunch的现在分词 )；嘎吱作响；（快速大量地）处理信息；数字捣弄 | |
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spinal
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| adj.针的，尖刺的，尖刺状突起的；adj.脊骨的，脊髓的 | |
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growled
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| v.（动物）发狺狺声， （雷）作隆隆声( growl的过去式和过去分词 )；低声咆哮着说 | |
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sniffed
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| v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的过去式和过去分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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glossy
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| adj.平滑的；有光泽的 | |
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streaked
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| adj.有条斑纹的，不安的v.快速移动( streak的过去式和过去分词 )；使布满条纹 | |
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stylish
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| adj.流行的，时髦的；漂亮的，气派的 | |
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expressive
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| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
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brazen
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| adj.厚脸皮的，无耻的，坚硬的 | |
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flair
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| n.天赋，本领，才华；洞察力 | |
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wavy
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| adj.有波浪的，多浪的，波浪状的，波动的，不稳定的 | |
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lustre
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| n.光亮，光泽；荣誉 | |
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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amber
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| n.琥珀；琥珀色；adj.琥珀制的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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twitched
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| vt.& vi.（使）抽动，（使）颤动（twitch的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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canine
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| adj.犬的，犬科的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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shrieking
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| v.尖叫( shriek的现在分词 ) | |
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hopped
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| 跳上[下]( hop的过去式和过去分词 )； 单足蹦跳； 齐足（或双足）跳行； 摘葎草花 | |
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ponderous
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| adj.沉重的，笨重的，(文章)冗长的 | |
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skull
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| n.头骨；颅骨 | |
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battalion
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| n.营；部队；大队(的人) | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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elongated
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| v.延长，加长( elongate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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pinpoint
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| vt.准确地确定；用针标出…的精确位置 | |
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squealing
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| v.长声尖叫，用长而尖锐的声音说( squeal的现在分词 ) | |
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mitt
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| n.棒球手套，拳击手套，无指手套；vt.铐住，握手 | |
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sniffing
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| n.探查法v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的现在分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说 | |
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peeked
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| v.很快地看( peek的过去式和过去分词 )；偷看；窥视；微露出 | |
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chunks
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| 厚厚的一块( chunk的名词复数 )； （某物）相当大的数量或部分 | |
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voraciously
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| adv.贪婪地 | |
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retrieved
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| v.取回( retrieve的过去式和过去分词 )；恢复；寻回；检索（储存的信息） | |
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vomit
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| v.呕吐，作呕；n.呕吐物，吐出物 | |
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seasick
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| adj.晕船的 | |
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strapped
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| adj.用皮带捆住的，用皮带装饰的；身无分文的；缺钱；手头紧v.用皮带捆扎(strap的过去式和过去分词)；用皮带抽打；包扎；给…打绷带 | |
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lashing
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| n.鞭打；痛斥；大量；许多v.鞭打( lash的现在分词 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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swells
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| 增强( swell的第三人称单数 )； 肿胀； （使）凸出； 充满（激情） | |
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protruding
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| v.（使某物）伸出，（使某物）突出( protrude的现在分词 )；凸 | |
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dorsal
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| adj.背部的，背脊的 | |
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fins
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| [医]散热片；鱼鳍；飞边；鸭掌 | |
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scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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plank
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| n.板条，木板，政策要点，政纲条目 | |
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crevasses
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| n.破口，崩溃处，裂缝( crevasse的名词复数 ) | |
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flopped
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| v.（指书、戏剧等）彻底失败( flop的过去式和过去分词 )；（因疲惫而）猛然坐下；（笨拙地、不由自主地或松弛地）移动或落下；砸锅 | |
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robustly
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| adv.要用体力地，粗鲁地 | |
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tug
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| v.用力拖(或拉)；苦干；n.拖；苦干；拖船 | |
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precarious
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| adj.不安定的，靠不住的；根据不足的 | |
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haven
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| n.安全的地方，避难所，庇护所 | |
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hovering
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| 鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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wastefully
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| 浪费地，挥霍地，耗费地 | |
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crouched
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| v.屈膝，蹲伏( crouch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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snarled
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| v.（指狗）吠，嗥叫， （人）咆哮( snarl的过去式和过去分词 )；咆哮着说，厉声地说 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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tugging
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| n.牵引感v.用力拉，使劲拉，猛扯( tug的现在分词 ) | |
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86
buffeted
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| 反复敲打( buffet的过去式和过去分词 )； 连续猛击； 打来打去； 推来搡去 | |
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furtively
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| adv. 偷偷地, 暗中地 | |
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