Chapter 74

I practised religious rituals that I adapted to thecircumstances – solitary¹ Masses without priests or consecratedCommunion hosts, darshans without murtis, and pujas withturtle meat for prasad, acts of devotion to Allah not knowingwhere Mecca was and getting my Arabic wrong. They broughtme comfort, that is certain. But it was hard, oh, it was hard.
Faith in God is an opening up, a letting go, a deep trust, afree act of love – but sometimes it was so hard to love.
Sometimes my heart was sinking so fast with anger, desolationand weariness, I was afraid it would sink to the very bottom ofthe Pacific and I would not be able to lift it back up.
At such moments I tried to elevate myself. I would touch theturban I had made with the remnants of my shirt and I wouldsay aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S HAT!"I would pat my pants and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'SATTIRE!"I would point to Richard Parker and say aloud, "THIS ISGOD'S CAT!"I would point to the lifeboat and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'SARK!"I would spread my hands wide and say aloud, "THESE AREGOD'S WIDE ACRES!"I would point at the sky and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'SEAR!"And in this way I would remind myself of creation and ofmy place in it.
But God's hat was always unravelling². God's pants werefalling apart. God's cat was a constant danger. God's ark was ajail. God's wide acres were slowly killing³ me. God's ear didn'tseem to be listening.
Despair was a heavy blackness that let no light in or out. Itwas a hell beyond expression. I thank God it always passed. Aschool of fish appeared around the net or a knot cried out tobe reknotted. Or I thought of my family, of how they werespared this terrible agony. The blackness would stir andeventually go away, and God would remain, a shining point oflight in my heart. I would go on loving.

1 solitary   

adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士

参考例句：

• I am rather fond of a solitary stroll in the country.我颇喜欢在乡间独自徜徉。
• The castle rises in solitary splendour on the fringe of the desert.这座城堡巍然耸立在沙漠的边际，显得十分壮美。

2 unravelling   

解开，拆散，散开( unravel的现在分词 )； 阐明； 澄清； 弄清楚

参考例句：

• Nail head clamp the unravelling of nail exteriorize broken nails and clean. 钉头卡钉，拆开钉头取出碎钉并清洁。
• The ends of ropes are in good condition and secured without unravelling. 缆绳端部状况良好及牢固，并无松散脱线。

3 killing   

n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财

参考例句：

• Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
• Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。