There is a tale told in Daillon of a shegri where the challenger was left in a room alone, where he was blindfolded1 and told to await the beginning of the torment3.
Somewhere in those dark hours of waiting, between the unknown and the unexpected, the hours of telling over to himself the horrors of past shegri, the torture of anticipation4 alone became the unbearable5. A little past noon he collapsed6 in screams of horror and died raving7, unmarred, untouched.
Daybreak came slowly, and with the first streamers of light came Dallisa and the white chak, maliciously8 uninvolved, sniffing9 his way through the shabby poverty of the great hall. They took me to a lower dungeon10 where the slant11 of the sunlight was less visible. Dallisa said, "The sun has risen."
I said nothing. Any word may be interpreted as a confession12 of defeat. I resolved to give them no excuse. But my skin crawled and I had that peculiar13 prickling sensation[59] where the hair on my forearms was bristling14 erect15 with tension and fear.
Dallisa said to the chak, "His gear was not searched. See that he has swallowed no anesthetic16 drugs."
Briefly17 I gave her credit for thoroughness, even while I wondered in a split second why I had not thought of this. Drugs could blur18 consciousness, at least, or suspend reality. The white nonhuman sprang forward and pinioned19 my arms with one strong, spring-steel forearm. With his other hand he forced my jaws20 open. I felt the furred fingers at the back of my throat, gagged, struggled briefly and doubled up in uncontrollable retching.
Dallisa's poison-berry-eyes regarded me levelly as I struggled upright, fighting off the dizzy sickness of disgust. Something about her impassive face stopped me cold. I had been, momentarily, raging with fury and humiliation21. Now I realized that this had been a calculated, careful gesture to make me lose my temper and thus sap my resistance.
If she could set me to fighting, if she could make me spend my strength in rage, my own imagination would fight on her side to make me lose control before the end. Swimming in the glare of her eyes, I realized she had never thought for a moment that I had taken any drug. Acting22 on Kyral's hint that I was a Terran, she was taking advantage of the well-known Terran revulsion for the nonhuman.
The chak ripped off shirtcloak, shirt, shoes, breeches, and I had my first triumph when the wealed clawmarks on my shoulders—worse, if possible, than those which disfigured my face—were laid bare. The chak screwed up his muzzle24 in fastidious horror, and Dallisa looked shaken. I could almost read her thoughts:
If he endured this, what hope have I to make him cry mercy?
Briefly I remembered the months I lay feverish25 and half dead, waiting for the wounds Rakhal had inflicted27 to heal, those months when I had believed that nothing would ever hurt me again, that I had known the worst of all suffering. But I had been younger then.
Dallisa had picked up two small sharp knives. She weighed[60] them, briefly, gesturing to the chak. Without resisting, I let myself be manhandled backward, spreadeagled against the wall.
Dallisa commanded, "Drive the knives through his palms to the wall!"
My hands twitched28 convulsively, anticipating the slash29 of steel, and my throat closed in spasmodic dread30. This was breaking the compact, bound as they were not to inflict26 physical damage. I opened my lips to protest this breaking of the bond of honor and met her dark blazing stare, and suddenly the sweat broke out on my forehead. I had placed myself wholly in their hands, and as Kyral had said, they were in no way bound by honor to respect a pledge to a Terran!
Then, as my hands clenched32 into fists, I forced myself to relax. This was a bluff33, a mental trick to needle me into breaking the pact31 and pleading for mercy. I set my lips, spread my palms wide against the wall and waited impassively.
She said in her lilting voice, "Take care not to sever34 the tendons, or his hands would be paralyzed and he may claim we have broken our compact."
The points of the steel, razor-sharp, touched my palms, and I felt blood run down my hand before the pain. With an effort that turned my face white, I did not pull away from the point. The knives drove deeper.
Dallisa gestured to the chak. The knives dropped. Two pinpricks, a quarter of an inch deep, stung in my palm. I had outbluffed her. Had I?
If I had expected her to betray disappointment—and I had—I was disappointed. Abruptly35, as if the game had wearied her already, she gestured, and I could not hold back a gasp36 as my arms were hauled up over my head, twisted violently around one another and trussed with thin cords that bit deep into the flesh. Then the rough upward pull almost jerked my shoulders from their sockets37 and I heard the giant chak grunt38 with effort as I was hauled upward until my feet barely, on tiptoe, touched the floor.
"Blindfold him," said Dallisa languidly, "so that he cannot watch the ascent39 of the sun or its descent or know what is to come."[61]
A dark softness muffled40 my eyes. After a little I heard her steps retreating. My arms, wrenched41 overhead and numbed42 with the bite of the cords, were beginning to hurt badly now. But it wasn't too bad. Surely she did not mean that this should be all....
Sternly I controlled my imagination, taking a tight rein44 on my thoughts. There was only one way to meet this—hanging blind and racked in space, my toes barely scrabbling at the floor—and that was to take each thing as it came and not look ahead for an instant. First of all I tried to get my feet under me, and discovered that by arching upwards45 to my fullest height I could bear my weight on tiptoe and ease, a little, the dislocating ache in my armpits by slackening the overhead rope.
But after a little, a cramping46 pain began to flare47 through the arches of my feet, and it became impossible to support my weight on tiptoe. I jarred down with violent strain on my wrists and wrenched shoulders again, and for a moment the shooting agony was so intense that I nearly screamed. I thought I heard a soft breath near me.
After a little it subsided48 to a sharp ache, then to a dull ache, and then to the violent cramping pain again, and once more I struggled to get my toes under me. I realized that by allowing my toes barely to touch the floor they had doubled and tripled the pain by the tantalizing49 hope of, if not momentary50 relief, at least the alteration51 of one pain for another.
I haven't the faintest idea, even now, how long I repeated that agonizing52 cycle: struggle for a toehold on rough stone, scraping my bare feet raw; arch upward with all my strength to release for a few moments the strain on my wrenched shoulders; the momentary illusion of relief as I found my balance and the pressure lightened on my wrists.
Then the slow creeping, first of an ache, then of a pain, then of a violent agony in the arches of feet and calves53. And, delayed to the last endurable moment, that final terrible anguish54 when the drop of my full weight pulled shoulder and wrist and elbow joints55 with that bone-shattering jerk.
I started once to estimate how much time had passed, how many hours had crawled by, then checked myself, for that was imminent56 madness. But once the process had begun my[62] brain would not abandon and I found myself, with compulsive precision, counting off the seconds and the minutes in each cycle: stretch upward, release the pressure on the arms; the beginning of pain in calves and arches and toes; the creeping of pain up ribs57 and loins and shoulders; the sudden jarring drop on the arms again.
My throat was intolerably dry. Under other circumstances I might have estimated the time by the growth of hunger and thirst, but the rough treatment I had received made this impossible. There were other, unmentionable, humiliating pains.
After a time, to bolster58 my flagging courage, I found myself thinking of all the ways it might have been worse. I had heard of a shegrin exposed to the bite of poisonous—not fatal, but painfully poisonous—insects, and to the worrying of the small gnawing59 rodents60 which can be trained to bite and tear. Or I might have been branded....
I banished61 the memory with the powerful exorcism; the man in Daillon whose anticipation, alone, of a torture which never came, had broken his mind. There was only one way to conquer this, and that was to act as if the present moment was the only one, and never for a moment to forget that the strongest of compacts bound them not to harm me, that the end of this was fixed62 by sunset.
Gradually, however, all such rational thoughts blurred63 in a semidelirium of thirst and pain, narrowing to a red blaze of agony across my shoulder blades. I eased up on my toes again.
White-hot pain blazed through my feet. The rough stone on which my toes sank had been covered with metal and I smelled scorching64 flesh, jerking up my feet with a wordless snarl65 of rage and fury, hanging in agony by my shoulders alone.
And then I lost consciousness, at least for several moments, for when I became aware again, through the nightmare of pain, my toes were resting lightly and securely on cold stone. The smell of burned flesh remained, and the painful stinging in my toes. Mingled67 with that smell was a drift of perfume close by.
Dallisa murmured, "I do not wish to break our bargain[63] by damaging your feet. It's only a little touch of fire to keep you from too much security in resting them."
I felt the taste of blood mingle66 in my mouth with the sour taste of vomit68. I felt delirious69, lightheaded. After another eternity70 I wondered if I had really heard Dallisa's lilting croon or whether it was a nightmare born of feverish pain:
Plead with me. A word, only a word and I will release you, strong man, scarred man. Perhaps I shall demand only a little space in your arms. Would not such doom71 be light upon you? Perhaps I shall set you free to seek Rakhal if only to plague Kyral. A word, only a word from you. A word, only a word from you....
It died into an endlessly echoing whisper. Swaying, blinded, I wondered why I endured. I drew a dry tongue over lips, salty and bloody72, and nightmarishly considered yielding, winning my way somehow around Dallisa. Or knocking her suddenly senseless and escaping—I, who need not be bound by Wolf's codes either. I fumbled73 with a stiff shape of words.
And a breath saved me, a soft, released breath of anticipation. It was another trick. I swayed, limp and racked. I was not Race Cargill now. I was a dead man hanging in chains, swinging, filthy74 vultures pecking at my dangling75 feet. I was....
The sound of boots rang on the stone and Kyral's voice, low and bitter, demanded somewhere behind me, "What have you done with him?"
She did not answer, but I heard her chains clash lightly and imagined her gesture. Kyral muttered, "Women have no genius at any torture except...." His voice faded out into great distances. Their words came to me over a sort of windy ringing, like the howling of lost men, dying in the snowfast passes of the mountains.
"Speak up, you fool, he can't hear you now."
"If you have let him faint, you are clumsy!"
"You talk of clumsiness!" Dallisa's voice, even thinned by the nightmare ringing in my head, held concentrated scorn. "Perhaps I shall release him, to find Rakhal when you failed! The Terrans have a price on Rakhal's head, too. And at least this man will not confuse himself with his prey76!"
"If you think I would let you bargain with a Terranan—"[64]
Dallisa cried passionately77, "You trade with the Terrans! How would you stop me, then?"
"I trade with them because I must. But for a matter involving the honor of the Great House—"
"The Great House whose steps you would never have climbed, except for Rakhal!" Dallisa sounded as if she were chewing her words in little pieces and spitting them at Kyral. "Oh, you were clever to take us both as your consorts78! You did not know it was Rakhal's doing, did you? Hate the Terrans, then!" She spat79 an obscenity at him. "Enjoy your hate, wallow in hating, and in the end all Shainsa will fall prey to the Toymaker, like Miellyn."
"If you speak that name again," said Kyral very low, "I will kill you."
"Like Miellyn, Miellyn, Miellyn," Dallisa repeated deliberately80. "You fool, Rakhal knew nothing of Miellyn!"
"He was seen—"
"With me, you fool! With me! You cannot yet tell twin from twin? Rakhal came to me to ask news of her!"
"You don't really have to ask, do you, Kyral?"
"You bitch!" said Kyral. "You filthy bitch!" I heard the sound of a blow. The next moment Kyral ripped the blindfold from my eyes and I blinked in the blaze of light. My arms were wholly numb43 now, twisted above my head, but the jar of his touch sent fresh pain racing82 through me. Kyral's face swam out of the blaze of hell. "If that is true, then this is a damnable farce83, Dallisa. You have lost our chance of learning what he knows of Miellyn."
"Miellyn has twice appeared when I was with him. Loose him, Dallisa, and bargain with him. What we know of Rakhal for what he knows of Miellyn."
"If you think I would let you bargain with Terranan," she mocked. "Weakling, this quarrel is mine! You fool, the others in the caravan85 will give me news, if you will not! Where is Cuinn?"
From a million miles away Kyral laughed. "You've slipped the wrong hawk86, Dallisa. The catmen killed him." His skean[65] flicked87 loose. He climbed to a perch88 near the rope at my wrists. "Bargain with me, Rascar!"
I coughed, unable to speak, and Kyral insisted, "Will you bargain? End this damned woman's farce which makes a mock of shegri?"
The slant of sun told me there was light left. I found a shred89 of voice, not knowing what I was going to say until I had said it, irrevocably. "This is between Dallisa and me."
Kyral glared at me in mounting rage. With four strides he was out of the room, flinging back a harsh, furious "I hope you kill each other!" and the door slammed.
Dallisa's face swam red, and again as before, I knew the battle which was joined between us would be fought to a dreadful end. She touched my chest lightly, but the touch jolted90 excruciating pain through my shoulders.
"Did you kill Cuinn?"
"Did you?" In a passion, she cried, "Answer! Did you kill him?" She struck me hard, and where the touch had been pain, the blow was a blaze of white agony. I fainted.
"Answer!" She struck me again and the white blaze jolted me back to consciousness. "Answer me! Answer!" Each cry bought a blow until I gasped92 finally, "He signaled ... set catmen on us...."
"No!" She stood staring at me and her white face was a death mask in which the eyes lived. She screamed wildly and the huge chak came running.
"Cut him down! Cut him down! Cut him down!"
A knife slashed93 the rope and I slumped94, falling in a bone-breaking huddle95 to the floor. My arms were still twisted over my head. The chak cut the ropes apart, pulled my arms roughly back into place, and I gagged with the pain as the blood began flowing painfully through the chafed96 and swollen97 hands.
And then I lost consciousness. More or less permanently98, this time.[66]
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1
blindfolded
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| v.（尤指用布）挡住（某人）的视线( blindfold的过去式 )；蒙住（某人）的眼睛；使不理解；蒙骗 | |
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blindfold
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| vt.蒙住…的眼睛；adj.盲目的；adv.盲目地；n.蒙眼的绷带[布等]； 障眼物，蒙蔽人的事物 | |
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3
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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anticipation
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| n.预期，预料，期望 | |
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unbearable
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| adj.不能容忍的；忍受不住的 | |
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collapsed
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| adj.倒塌的 | |
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raving
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| adj.说胡话的；疯狂的，怒吼的；非常漂亮的；令人醉心[痴心]的v.胡言乱语(rave的现在分词)n.胡话；疯话adv.胡言乱语地；疯狂地 | |
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maliciously
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| adv.有敌意地 | |
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sniffing
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| n.探查法v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的现在分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说 | |
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dungeon
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| n.地牢，土牢 | |
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slant
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| v.倾斜，倾向性地编写或报道；n.斜面，倾向 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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bristling
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| a.竖立的 | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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anesthetic
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| n.麻醉剂，麻药；adj.麻醉的，失去知觉的 | |
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briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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blur
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| n.模糊不清的事物；vt.使模糊，使看不清楚 | |
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pinioned
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| v.抓住[捆住]（双臂）( pinion的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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20
jaws
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| n.口部；嘴 | |
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humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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22
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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countermanded
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| v.取消（命令），撤回( countermand的过去分词 ) | |
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24
muzzle
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| n.鼻口部；口套；枪(炮)口；vt.使缄默 | |
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feverish
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| adj.发烧的，狂热的，兴奋的 | |
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26
inflict
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| vt.(on)把…强加给，使遭受，使承担 | |
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inflicted
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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twitched
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| vt.& vi.（使）抽动，（使）颤动（twitch的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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29
slash
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| vi.大幅度削减；vt.猛砍，尖锐抨击，大幅减少；n.猛砍，斜线，长切口，衣衩 | |
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30
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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pact
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| n.合同，条约，公约，协定 | |
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clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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33
bluff
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| v.虚张声势，用假象骗人；n.虚张声势，欺骗 | |
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sever
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| v.切开，割开；断绝，中断 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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gasp
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| n.喘息，气喘；v.喘息；气吁吁他说 | |
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37
sockets
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| n.套接字，使应用程序能够读写与收发通讯协定(protocol)与资料的程序( Socket的名词复数 )；孔( socket的名词复数 )；（电器上的）插口；托座；凹穴 | |
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38
grunt
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| v.嘟哝；作呼噜声；n.呼噜声，嘟哝 | |
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39
ascent
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| n.(声望或地位)提高；上升，升高；登高 | |
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40
muffled
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| adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
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41
wrenched
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| v.（猛力地）扭( wrench的过去式和过去分词 )；扭伤；使感到痛苦；使悲痛 | |
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42
numbed
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| v.使麻木，使麻痹( numb的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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43
numb
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| adj.麻木的，失去感觉的；v.使麻木 | |
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44
rein
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| n.疆绳，统治，支配；vt.以僵绳控制，统治 | |
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45
upwards
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| adv.向上，在更高处...以上 | |
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46
cramping
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| 图像压缩 | |
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47
flare
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| v.闪耀，闪烁；n.潮红；突发 | |
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48
subsided
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| v.（土地）下陷（因在地下采矿）( subside的过去式和过去分词 )；减弱；下降至较低或正常水平；一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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49
tantalizing
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| adj.逗人的；惹弄人的；撩人的；煽情的v.逗弄，引诱，折磨( tantalize的现在分词 ) | |
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50
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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51
alteration
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| n.变更，改变；蚀变 | |
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52
agonizing
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| adj.痛苦难忍的；使人苦恼的v.使极度痛苦；折磨(agonize的ing形式) | |
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53
calves
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| n.(calf的复数)笨拙的男子，腓；腿肚子( calf的名词复数 )；牛犊；腓；小腿肚v.生小牛( calve的第三人称单数 )；（冰川）崩解；生（小牛等），产（犊）；使（冰川）崩解 | |
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54
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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55
joints
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| 接头( joint的名词复数 )； 关节； 公共场所（尤指价格低廉的饮食和娱乐场所） （非正式）； 一块烤肉 （英式英语） | |
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56
imminent
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| adj.即将发生的，临近的，逼近的 | |
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57
ribs
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| n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 )；（船或屋顶等的）肋拱；肋骨状的东西；（织物的）凸条花纹 | |
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58
bolster
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| n.枕垫；v.支持，鼓励 | |
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59
gnawing
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| a.痛苦的，折磨人的 | |
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rodents
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| n.啮齿目动物( rodent的名词复数 ) | |
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banished
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| v.放逐，驱逐( banish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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blurred
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| v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离 | |
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scorching
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| adj. 灼热的 | |
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snarl
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| v.吼叫，怒骂，纠缠，混乱；n.混乱，缠结，咆哮 | |
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mingle
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| vt.使混合，使相混；vi.混合起来；相交往 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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vomit
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| v.呕吐，作呕；n.呕吐物，吐出物 | |
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delirious
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| adj.不省人事的，神智昏迷的 | |
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eternity
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| n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷 | |
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doom
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| n.厄运，劫数；v.注定，命定 | |
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bloody
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| adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染 | |
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fumbled
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| （笨拙地）摸索或处理（某事物）( fumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 乱摸，笨拙地弄； 使落下 | |
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filthy
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| adj.卑劣的；恶劣的，肮脏的 | |
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dangling
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| 悬吊着( dangle的现在分词 )； 摆动不定； 用某事物诱惑…； 吊胃口 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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consorts
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| n.配偶( consort的名词复数 )；（演奏古典音乐的）一组乐师；一组古典乐器；一起v.结伴( consort的第三人称单数 )；交往；相称；调和 | |
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spat
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| n.口角，掌击；v.发出呼噜呼噜声 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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hoarsely
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| adv.嘶哑地 | |
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racing
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| n.竞赛，赛马；adj.竞赛用的，赛马用的 | |
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farce
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| n.闹剧，笑剧，滑稽戏；胡闹 | |
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bruise
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| n.青肿，挫伤；伤痕；vt.打青；挫伤 | |
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caravan
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| n.大蓬车；活动房屋 | |
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hawk
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| n.鹰，骗子；鹰派成员 | |
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flicked
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| （尤指用手指或手快速地）轻击( flick的过去式和过去分词 )； （用…）轻挥； （快速地）按开关； 向…笑了一下（或瞥了一眼等） | |
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perch
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| n.栖木，高位，杆；v.栖息，就位，位于 | |
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shred
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| v.撕成碎片，变成碎片；n.碎布条，细片，些少 | |
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jolted
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| （使）摇动， （使）震惊( jolt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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presaged
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| v.预示，预兆( presage的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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slashed
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| v.挥砍( slash的过去式和过去分词 )；鞭打；割破；削减 | |
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slumped
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| 大幅度下降，暴跌( slump的过去式和过去分词 )； 沉重或突然地落下[倒下] | |
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huddle
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| vi.挤作一团；蜷缩；vt.聚集；n.挤在一起的人 | |
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chafed
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| v.擦热（尤指皮肤）( chafe的过去式 )；擦痛；发怒；惹怒 | |
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swollen
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| adj.肿大的，水涨的；v.使变大，肿胀 | |
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permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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