Throughout the previous pages I have been assuming — what perhaps should have been laid down at the beginning as a distinct and fundamental proposition — that every human being in Flatland is a Regular Figure, that is to say of regular construction. By this I mean that a Woman must not only be a line, but a straight line; that an Artisan or Soldier must have two of his sides equal; that Tradesmen must have three sides equal; Lawyers (of which class I am a humble1 member), four sides equal, and generally, that in every Polygon2, all the sides must be equal.
The size of the sides would of course depend upon the age of the individual. A Female at birth would be about an inch long, while a tall adult Woman might extend to a foot. As to the Males of every class, it may be roughly said that the length of an adult’s sides, when added together, is two feet or a little more. But the size of our sides is not under consideration. I am speaking of the EQUALITY of sides, and it does not need much reflection to see that the whole of the social life in Flatland rests upon the fundamental fact that Nature wills all Figures to have their sides equal.
If our sides were unequal our angles might be unequal. Instead of its being sufficient to feel, or estimate by sight, a single angle in order to determine the form of an individual, it would be necessary to ascertain3 each angle by the experiment of Feeling. But life would be too short for such a tedious grouping. The whole science and art of Sight Recognition would at once perish; Feeling, so far as it is an art, would not long survive; intercourse4 would become perilous5 or impossible; there would be an end to all confidence, all forethought; no one would be safe in making the most simple social arrangements; in a word, civilization would relapse into barbarism.
Am I going too fast to carry my Readers with me to these obvious conclusions? Surely a moment’s reflection, and a single instance from common life, must convince every one that our whole social system is based upon Regularity6, or Equality of Angles. You meet, for example, two or three Tradesmen in the street, whom you recognize at once to be Tradesmen by a glance at their angles and rapidly bedimmed sides, and you ask them to step into your house to lunch. This you do at present with perfect confidence, because everyone knows to an inch or two the area occupied by an adult Triangle: but imagine that your Tradesman drags behind his regular and respectable vertex, a parallelogram of twelve or thirteen inches in diagonal:— what are you to do with such a monster sticking fast in your house door?
But I am insulting the intelligence of my Readers by accumulating details which must be patent to everyone who enjoys the advantages of a Residence in Spaceland. Obviously the measurements of a single angle would no longer be sufficient under such portentous7 circumstances; one’s whole life would be taken up in feeling or surveying the perimeter8 of one’s acquaintances. Already the difficulties of avoiding a collision in a crowd are enough to tax the sagacity of even a well-educated Square; but if no one could calculate the Regularity of a single figure in the company, all would be chaos9 and confusion, and the slightest panic would cause serious injuries, or — if there happened to be any Women or Soldiers present — perhaps considerable loss of life.
Expediency10 therefore concurs11 with Nature in stamping the seal of its approval upon Regularity of conformation: nor has the Law been backward in seconding their efforts. “Irregularity of Figure” means with us the same as, or more than, a combination of moral obliquity12 and criminality with you, and is treated accordingly. There are not wanting, it is true, some promulgators of paradoxes13 who maintain that there is no necessary connection between geometrical and moral Irregularity. “The Irregular”, they say, “is from his birth scouted14 by his own parents, derided15 by his brothers and sisters, neglected by the domestics, scorned and suspected by society, and excluded from all posts of responsibility, trust, and useful activity. His every movement is jealously watched by the police till he comes of age and presents himself for inspection16; then he is either destroyed, if he is found to exceed the fixed17 margin18 of deviation19, or else immured20 in a Government Office as a clerk of the seventh class; prevented from marriage; forced to drudge21 at an uninteresting occupation for a miserable22 stipend23; obliged to live and board at the office, and to take even his vacation under close supervision24; what wonder that human nature, even in the best and purest, is embittered25 and perverted26 by such surroundings!”
All this very plausible27 reasoning does not convince me, as it has not convinced the wisest of our Statesmen, that our ancestors erred28 in laying it down as an axiom of policy that the toleration of Irregularity is incompatible29 with the safety of the State. Doubtless, the life of an Irregular is hard; but the interests of the Greater Number require that it shall be hard. If a man with a triangular30 front and a polygonal31 back were allowed to exist and to propagate a still more Irregular posterity32, what would become of the arts of life? Are the houses and doors and churches in Flatland to be altered in order to accommodate such monsters? Are our ticket-collectors to be required to measure every man’s perimeter before they allow him to enter a theatre or to take his place in a lecture room? Is an Irregular to be exempted33 from the militia34? And if not, how is he to be prevented from carrying desolation into the ranks of his comrades? Again, what irresistible35 temptations to fraudulent impostures must needs beset36 such a creature! How easy for him to enter a shop with his polygonal front foremost, and to order goods to any extent from a confiding37 tradesman! Let the advocates of a falsely called Philanthropy plead as they may for the abrogation38 of the Irregular Penal39 Laws, I for my part have never known an Irregular who was not also what Nature evidently intended him to be — a hypocrite, a misanthropist, and, up to the limits of his power, a perpetrator of all manner of mischief40.
Not that I should be disposed to recommend (at present) the extreme measures adopted by some States, where an infant whose angle deviates41 by half a degree from the correct angularity is summarily destroyed at birth. Some of our highest and ablest men, men of real genius, have during their earliest days laboured under deviations42 as great as, or even greater than, forty-five minutes: and the loss of their precious lives would have been an irreparable injury to the State. The art of healing also has achieved some of its most glorious triumphs in the compressions, extensions, trepannings, colligations, and other surgical43 or diaetetic operations by which Irregularity has been partly or wholly cured. Advocating therefore a VIA MEDIA, I would lay down no fixed or absolute line of demarcation; but at the period when the frame is just beginning to set, and when the Medical Board has reported that recovery is improbable, I would suggest that the Irregular offspring be painlessly and mercifully consumed.
1 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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2 polygon | |
n.多边形;多角形 | |
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3 ascertain | |
vt.发现,确定,查明,弄清 | |
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4 intercourse | |
n.性交;交流,交往,交际 | |
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5 perilous | |
adj.危险的,冒险的 | |
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6 regularity | |
n.规律性,规则性;匀称,整齐 | |
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7 portentous | |
adj.不祥的,可怕的,装腔作势的 | |
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8 perimeter | |
n.周边,周长,周界 | |
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9 chaos | |
n.混乱,无秩序 | |
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10 expediency | |
n.适宜;方便;合算;利己 | |
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11 concurs | |
同意(concur的第三人称单数形式) | |
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12 obliquity | |
n.倾斜度 | |
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13 paradoxes | |
n.似非而是的隽语,看似矛盾而实际却可能正确的说法( paradox的名词复数 );用于语言文学中的上述隽语;有矛盾特点的人[事物,情况] | |
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14 scouted | |
寻找,侦察( scout的过去式和过去分词 ); 物色(优秀运动员、演员、音乐家等) | |
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15 derided | |
v.取笑,嘲笑( deride的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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16 inspection | |
n.检查,审查,检阅 | |
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17 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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18 margin | |
n.页边空白;差额;余地,余裕;边,边缘 | |
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19 deviation | |
n.背离,偏离;偏差,偏向;离题 | |
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20 immured | |
v.禁闭,监禁( immure的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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21 drudge | |
n.劳碌的人;v.做苦工,操劳 | |
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22 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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23 stipend | |
n.薪贴;奖学金;养老金 | |
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24 supervision | |
n.监督,管理 | |
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25 embittered | |
v.使怨恨,激怒( embitter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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26 perverted | |
adj.不正当的v.滥用( pervert的过去式和过去分词 );腐蚀;败坏;使堕落 | |
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27 plausible | |
adj.似真实的,似乎有理的,似乎可信的 | |
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28 erred | |
犯错误,做错事( err的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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29 incompatible | |
adj.不相容的,不协调的,不相配的 | |
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30 triangular | |
adj.三角(形)的,三者间的 | |
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31 polygonal | |
adj.多角形的,多边形的 | |
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32 posterity | |
n.后裔,子孙,后代 | |
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33 exempted | |
使免除[豁免]( exempt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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34 militia | |
n.民兵,民兵组织 | |
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35 irresistible | |
adj.非常诱人的,无法拒绝的,无法抗拒的 | |
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36 beset | |
v.镶嵌;困扰,包围 | |
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37 confiding | |
adj.相信人的,易于相信的v.吐露(秘密,心事等)( confide的现在分词 );(向某人)吐露(隐私、秘密等) | |
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38 abrogation | |
n.取消,废除 | |
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39 penal | |
adj.刑罚的;刑法上的 | |
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40 mischief | |
n.损害,伤害,危害;恶作剧,捣蛋,胡闹 | |
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41 deviates | |
v.偏离,越轨( deviate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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42 deviations | |
背离,偏离( deviation的名词复数 ); 离经叛道的行为 | |
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43 surgical | |
adj.外科的,外科医生的,手术上的 | |
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