It is reserved, therefore, for some modern inquirer to fix it, for certain, whether the strange accomplishment11 in mind was at any time, in any nation, barbarous or enlightened, in universal repute among venerable females; or else especially imparted, under the rose, as a sort of witch-trick, to conjurers, fortune-tellers, Pythonesses, Sibyls, and such secretive and oracular folk; whether the initiatory12 lessons were theoretical merely, and at what age the grandams (for the condition of hypermaternity was at least imperative) were allowed to matriculate themselves in the precincts of this lost art.
It is a partial argument against the antiquity13 of the custom, and against the supposition of its having prevailed among old Europe's nomadic14 tribes, that several of these are accused by historians of having destroyed their progenitors15 so soon as the latter became idle and enfeebled; whereas it is reasonably to be inferred that the gentle process of ovisugescence, had such then been invented, would have kept the savage16 fireside peopled with happy and industrious17 centenarians. After the arduous18 labor19 of their long lives, this new, leisurely20, immeasurably mild and genteel trade could be acquired with imperceptible trouble. Cato mastering Greek at eighty, Dandolo leading hosts when past his nonage, are kittenish and irreverend figures beside that of a toothless Goth grandmother learning, with melancholy21 energy, to suck eggs.
We know not why the privilege of education, if granted to them without question, should have been withheld22 from their gray spouses23, who certainly would have preferred so sociable24 an industry to whetting25 the knives of the hunters, or tending watch-fires by night. But no one of us ever heard of a grandfather sucking eggs. The gentle art was apparently26 sacred to the gentle sex, and withheld from the shaggy lords-77- of creation, until the fierce creatures, ignorant of the innutritious properties of the shell, took to devouring27 them whole.
By what means was the race of hens, for instance, preserved? Statistics might be proffered28 concerning the ante-natal consumption of fledglings, which would edify29 students of natural history. One bitterly disputed point the noble adage30 under consideration permanently31 settles; a quibble which ought to have
and which has come even to the notice of grave, inductive theologians: videlicet, that the bird, and not the egg, may claim the priority of existence. For had it been otherwise, one's grandmother would have been early acquainted with the very article which her posterity33 recommended to her as a novelty, and which, with respectful care, they taught her to utilize34 after a fashion best adapted to her time of life.
Fallen into desuetude35 is this judicious36 and salutary custom. There must have been a time when a yellowish stain about the mouth denoted an age, a vocation37, a limitation, effectually as the bulla of the youth, the maiden's girdle, "the marshal's truncheon, or the judge's robe," or any of the picturesque38 distinctions now crushed out of the social code. Let a cynic add, who does not fear to chase a trope beyond bounds, that though certain misguided ancient ladies may lapse39, contemporaneously, into the burlesque40 and parody41 of suction, and draw towards themselves some yet coveted42 fooleries, compliments, gallantries,—alas! anachronisms both; yet the orthodox sucking of eggs, the innocent, austere43, philosophic44 pastime, is no more, and that the glory of grandams is extinguished forever.
The dreadful civility of our Western woodsmen, the popular dissentient voice alike of the theatre and of the political meeting: the casting of eggs wherefrom the elements of youth and jucundity are wholly eliminated, affords a speculation45 on heredity, and appears as a faint echo of some traditional squabble in the morning of the world, among disagreeing kinswomen, the very primordial46 Battle of Eggs! where reloading was superfluous47, where every shell told; whose blackest spite was spent in a golden rain and hail! What havoc48 over the face of young creation; what coloring of pools, and of errant butterflies! What distress49 amid the cleanly pixies and dryads, whose shady haunts trickled50 unwelcome moisture! terror not unshared even in the recesses51 of the coast:—
"Intus aquae dulcis, vivoque sedilia saxo,
Nympharum domus!"
One can fancy the younglings of the vast human family, the success of whose lesson to their elders was thus over-well demonstrated, marking the ebb52 and flow of hostilities53, like the spirits of Richelieu and of the superb fourteenth Louis eying the great Revolution. What marvel54 if, struck with remorse55 at the senile strife56 of them whom old Fuller would name "she-citizens," they vowed57 never, never, to teach another grandmother to suck eggs. So was it, maybe, that the abused art was lost from the earth.
Nay58, more, its remembrance is perverted59 into a taunt60 more scorching61 than lightning, more silencing than the bolt of Jove. "Teach your grandmother to suck eggs!" Is not the phrase the "scorn of scorn," the catchword of insubordination, the blazing defiance62 of tongues unbroken as a two-years' colt? It grated strangely on our ear. We grieved over the transformation63 of a favorite saw, innocuous once, and conveying a meek64 educational suggestion. We came to admit that the Academe where the old sat at the feet of their descendants, to be ingratiated into the most amiable65 of professions, was nothing better in memory than an impertinence. And we sadly avowed66, in the underground chamber67 of our private heart, that, as for worldly prospects68, it would be fairly suicidal, all things considered, to aspire69 to the chair of that professorship.
Let some reformer who cherishes his ancestress, and who is not averse70 to break his fast on an omelet, dissuade71 either object of his regard from longer lending name and countenance72 to a vulgar sneer73. Shall such be thy mission, reader? We would wish thee extended acquaintance with that mysterious small cosmos74 which suggests to the liberal palate broiled75 wing and giblets in posse; and joy for many a year of thy parent's parent, who is in some sort thy reference and means of identification, the hub of thy far-reaching and more active life; but, prithee, wrench76 apart their sorry association in our English speech. Purists shall forgive thee if thou shalt, meanwhile, smile in thy sleeve at the fantastic text which brought them together.
点击收听单词发音
1 vexed | |
adj.争论不休的;(指问题等)棘手的;争论不休的问题;烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 );使苦恼;使生气;详细讨论 | |
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2 affixed | |
adj.[医]附着的,附着的v.附加( affix的过去式和过去分词 );粘贴;加以;盖(印章) | |
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3 labyrinthine | |
adj.如迷宫的;复杂的 | |
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4 noted | |
adj.著名的,知名的 | |
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5 bombast | |
n.高调,夸大之辞 | |
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6 omission | |
n.省略,删节;遗漏或省略的事物,冗长 | |
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7 unearthed | |
出土的(考古) | |
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8 depreciate | |
v.降价,贬值,折旧 | |
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9 precept | |
n.戒律;格言 | |
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10 reverence | |
n.敬畏,尊敬,尊严;Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称;v.尊敬,敬畏,崇敬 | |
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11 accomplishment | |
n.完成,成就,(pl.)造诣,技能 | |
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12 initiatory | |
adj.开始的;创始的;入会的;入社的 | |
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13 antiquity | |
n.古老;高龄;古物,古迹 | |
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14 nomadic | |
adj.流浪的;游牧的 | |
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15 progenitors | |
n.祖先( progenitor的名词复数 );先驱;前辈;原本 | |
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16 savage | |
adj.野蛮的;凶恶的,残暴的;n.未开化的人 | |
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17 industrious | |
adj.勤劳的,刻苦的,奋发的 | |
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18 arduous | |
adj.艰苦的,费力的,陡峭的 | |
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19 labor | |
n.劳动,努力,工作,劳工;分娩;vi.劳动,努力,苦干;vt.详细分析;麻烦 | |
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20 leisurely | |
adj.悠闲的;从容的,慢慢的 | |
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21 melancholy | |
n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的 | |
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22 withheld | |
withhold过去式及过去分词 | |
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23 spouses | |
n.配偶,夫或妻( spouse的名词复数 ) | |
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24 sociable | |
adj.好交际的,友好的,合群的 | |
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25 whetting | |
v.(在石头上)磨(刀、斧等)( whet的现在分词 );引起,刺激(食欲、欲望、兴趣等) | |
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26 apparently | |
adv.显然地;表面上,似乎 | |
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27 devouring | |
吞没( devour的现在分词 ); 耗尽; 津津有味地看; 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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28 proffered | |
v.提供,贡献,提出( proffer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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29 edify | |
v.陶冶;教化;启发 | |
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30 adage | |
n.格言,古训 | |
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31 permanently | |
adv.永恒地,永久地,固定不变地 | |
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33 posterity | |
n.后裔,子孙,后代 | |
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34 utilize | |
vt.使用,利用 | |
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35 desuetude | |
n.废止,不用 | |
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36 judicious | |
adj.明智的,明断的,能作出明智决定的 | |
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37 vocation | |
n.职业,行业 | |
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38 picturesque | |
adj.美丽如画的,(语言)生动的,绘声绘色的 | |
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39 lapse | |
n.过失,流逝,失效,抛弃信仰,间隔;vi.堕落,停止,失效,流逝;vt.使失效 | |
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40 burlesque | |
v.嘲弄,戏仿;n.嘲弄,取笑,滑稽模仿 | |
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41 parody | |
n.打油诗文,诙谐的改编诗文,拙劣的模仿;v.拙劣模仿,作模仿诗文 | |
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42 coveted | |
adj.令人垂涎的;垂涎的,梦寐以求的v.贪求,觊觎(covet的过去分词);垂涎;贪图 | |
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43 austere | |
adj.艰苦的;朴素的,朴实无华的;严峻的 | |
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44 philosophic | |
adj.哲学的,贤明的 | |
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45 speculation | |
n.思索,沉思;猜测;投机 | |
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46 primordial | |
adj.原始的;最初的 | |
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47 superfluous | |
adj.过多的,过剩的,多余的 | |
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48 havoc | |
n.大破坏,浩劫,大混乱,大杂乱 | |
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49 distress | |
n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
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50 trickled | |
v.滴( trickle的过去式和过去分词 );淌;使)慢慢走;缓慢移动 | |
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51 recesses | |
n.壁凹( recess的名词复数 );(工作或业务活动的)中止或暂停期间;学校的课间休息;某物内部的凹形空间v.把某物放在墙壁的凹处( recess的第三人称单数 );将(墙)做成凹形,在(墙)上做壁龛;休息,休会,休庭 | |
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52 ebb | |
vi.衰退,减退;n.处于低潮,处于衰退状态 | |
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53 hostilities | |
n.战争;敌意(hostility的复数);敌对状态;战事 | |
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54 marvel | |
vi.(at)惊叹vt.感到惊异;n.令人惊异的事 | |
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55 remorse | |
n.痛恨,悔恨,自责 | |
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56 strife | |
n.争吵,冲突,倾轧,竞争 | |
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57 vowed | |
起誓,发誓(vow的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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58 nay | |
adv.不;n.反对票,投反对票者 | |
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59 perverted | |
adj.不正当的v.滥用( pervert的过去式和过去分词 );腐蚀;败坏;使堕落 | |
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60 taunt | |
n.辱骂,嘲弄;v.嘲弄 | |
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61 scorching | |
adj. 灼热的 | |
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62 defiance | |
n.挑战,挑衅,蔑视,违抗 | |
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63 transformation | |
n.变化;改造;转变 | |
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64 meek | |
adj.温顺的,逆来顺受的 | |
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65 amiable | |
adj.和蔼可亲的,友善的,亲切的 | |
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66 avowed | |
adj.公开声明的,承认的v.公开声明,承认( avow的过去式和过去分词) | |
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67 chamber | |
n.房间,寝室;会议厅;议院;会所 | |
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68 prospects | |
n.希望,前途(恒为复数) | |
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69 aspire | |
vi.(to,after)渴望,追求,有志于 | |
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70 averse | |
adj.厌恶的;反对的,不乐意的 | |
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71 dissuade | |
v.劝阻,阻止 | |
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72 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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73 sneer | |
v.轻蔑;嘲笑;n.嘲笑,讥讽的言语 | |
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74 cosmos | |
n.宇宙;秩序,和谐 | |
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75 broiled | |
a.烤过的 | |
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76 wrench | |
v.猛拧;挣脱;使扭伤;n.扳手;痛苦,难受 | |
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