“This stove is not drawin’ any too good, an’ what with these pipes an’ the parlor5 pipes not actin’ christian-like my eyes run warter orl day long. Ebenezer Wopp, I sees a job ahead fer you. My patience is wore out an’ this very day you’ll git at the pipes and git the soot6 cleaned out.”
“I reckon it is the biggest half of some time sence those there jints was took apart,” agreed Ebenezer, with unerring diplomacy7, searching through several slips of paper as though to find memoranda8 thereon, “I reckon I’d better git to work this very minute.”
“Moses!” called husband and wife, simultaneously9. Mrs. Wopp’s voice spanned an interval11 of about a dozen semi-tones, and as it always grew in volume in direct ratio to the emergency of the duty to be imposed, the last syllable13 of her son’s name fell on that wretched boy’s ear like a clap of thunder. Mr. Wopp’s accents remained on nearly all occasions at the same even degree of meekness14. Nature had not given him the temperament15 to indulge in crescendos or double fortes16.
Moses was whistling a dismal17 discordant18 air in the backyard when the voice of his mother smote19 his ears.
“What yer whistlin’ so mournful like?” queried21 his mother, “makes me think of funerals an’ sich like; jist come in an’ help yer par4 with the stove-pipes, mebbe that’ll cheer you up.”
Moses’ face became as mournful as his music had been. It was as though he had suddenly realized that life was, after all, more serious than one suspects in one’s idle moments.
The first act of the unwilling22 recruit was to bring into the house a coal-scuttle and large shovel23, clanking them ominously24 as he walked.
“Stop that there ‘Dead March of Saul,’ an’ go put on yer overalls25,” ordered Mrs. Wopp, “what’s the idear of the gardenin’ tool, go git the littlest shovel to put inter10 the chimbly, an’ don’t let the grass grow under yer feet, neither.”
By this time Mr. Wopp was bearing a length of pipe into the yard. The parlor looked like a morgue with its inanimate objects lying bidden under sheets and cloths of varying degrees of past usefulness. Through a hole of one sheet could be seen the listless towzled head of Hannah, her faded wax countenance26 betraying the need of a tonic27.
The energetic Mrs. Wopp had accompanied her commands to Moses by a wide sweeping28 of arms, and from these ample arms had billowed yards of sheeting to cover from the ruinous soot her treasured parlor possessions.
An enlarged crayon portrait in a wide gilt29 frame of Moses as a baby in a state of round cherubic innocent nudity, had been added recently to the mural decorations and was especially well covered with cloths.
“Wisht that orful pitcher30 ’d fall inter the swill-pail an’ then turn a somerset in the soot-pile,” murmured the boy as he noticed the care exercised over its safety.
In overalls, the color of which was entirely31 unrecognizable, Moses began to help his father carry through the house sooty lengths of pipe. Very carefully and gingerly they stepped as the eagle eye of Mrs. Wopp was upon them, and they knew that a full battery of reprimands and warnings was at hand.
In the middle of this trying work, Moses remembered he had glimpsed a large tempting piece of jelly-roll on the pantry shelf. As soon as an opportune32 moment arrived he slipped, unnoticed as he thought, into the pantry and immediately life took on a new and brighter interest.
“Here you, Moses,” shouted his mother from the top of the stairs, “I heerd the pantry door squeakin’, no eatin’ till the job’s done.” She further informed him that stopping to eat “et inter his time too much an’ the work must be done afore dark.”
“You look like some kind-faced happygo-lucky cow, chewin’ her cud,” teased Mrs. Wopp, standing35 at the parlor door and noting the reminiscent moving of her son’s jaws36.
“This is excitin’ fun,” moaned Moses, as he picked his way carefully with a tin elbow that threatened every moment to capsize with its flaky mass of black dust, “about as excitin’ as playin’ with the ashes in the mornin’.”
All this time Mr. Wopp had carried and brushed and shaken stove-pipe lengths until his face and bald head resembled a latticework trellis. Only one length remained to be operated on before proceeding37 to the upper storey, where the stove-pipe continued its tortuous38 way to the chimney, warming sundry39 rooms on its beneficent course.
Ebenezer Wopp was the last silent word in patient masculinity, but his face, becoming darker with his work, would lead an onlooker40 to believe that sinister41 thoughts were struggling to find expression.
However, the stove-pipe was at last cleaned and ready to put up. Moses’ moroseness42 had by now developed into a complaint, the chief symptoms of which were sniffling and coughing.
“I got an orful cold, goin’ in an’ out so orften,” he complained.
“A dose of senner tea’ll fix that, my boy,” was Mrs. Wopp’s cheerful rejoinder.
“Here, Mose, hoi’ this here jint while I fit the next one inter it.” A tongue-twisting silence ensued.
“Now, Mose, fer the elbow. Stiddy! Don’t shove! Don’t pull! Hole her stiddy!”
“Glory be! It’s pulled apart at the other end!” ejaculated the perspiring46 assistant.
“Try agin, Mose, now not too hard! Easy like! There! Jest a leetle bit more! Stop! Hold on! Shucks! Everythink’s went wrong! Here, we’ll start agin.”
The work went on, each length at the first possible opportunity resuming its state of strict neutrality and refusing to be drawn47 into negotiations48.
Finally, Ebenezer Wopp’s musings, which had been gathering49 force as he worked, burst into speech. For a quiet man he became almost oratorical50. Then he fell to soliloquizing audibly.
His mutterings rumbled51 along, a series of submerged imprecations. He paused for breath and as soon as he had accumulated enough for his dire12 purpose, he swore what was to him a long and fearful oath.
“By heck!” he thundered.
Then Moses commenced. He ran up and down a chromatic52 scale of puffs53 and groans54 and sniffles, ending with a cadence55 that sounded like, “Gosh dern!”
Involved and intricate variations of “Holy smoke!” made the air sulphureous as a swaying piece of wire caught his shoulder and tore a large gash56 in his shirt.
“Moses Habakuk Ezra Wopp an’ Ebenezer Wopp! You’d orter be shamed of yerselves. You shorely must of fell with Lucifer when he come tumblin’ outer the sky. Them swear words make every single hair on my head stan’ on edge.”
In answer to his wife’s reproof57, Mr. Wopp almost roared, “Where’s the hammer? Gone hide an’ hair it is, like everythink else.”
“Ebenezer Wopp, I’ve tarlked to you till I’m black in the face, but it’s jist wastin’ valyble breath. Yer brains is allers wool-gatherin’. The hammer’s in yer hip-pocket.”
“Mose, hoi’ this benighted58 idjit of a jint till I drive a nail in the wall to wire it up,” called Mr. Wopp, thrusting a nail between his teeth and turning his back on his wife.
“Land O’ Goshen! Ye’ve a peck of nails in the wall orlready. You couldn’t add two an’ two without wrappin’ up yer thumb an’ countin’ what’s left,” remonstrated59 Mrs. Wopp.
Mr. Wopp, goaded60 to desperation, breathed audibly his opinion regarding pipe-fitting. Diogenes in one of his periodical excursions from his tub would have been glad to category that remark as an honest man’s attitude, at least toward certain jobs.
Moses’ opinion, repressed, however, in his bursting bosom61, was of a like complexion62, only much more vivid. He was hesitating between the liquid verge63 of tears and the lambent verge of profane64 utterance65.
The door opened and Betty, who had stayed in school to clean the blackboard for “teacher,” appeared. She came in bringing with her the very essence of outdoor freshness and buoyancy.
“Dad an’ Mosey don’t look orful happy,” she laughed. “Smile at me, Mosey.”
“Arsk a dorg with a tin pail tied to his ear to smile at yer,” returned Moses, sourly.
“Them critters has swore more than I ever heerd sence the ketchup66 bottle fomented67 an’ bust68 an’ splashed orl over Par’s shirt an’ trickled69 down his pants.”
Here Mrs. Wopp related for the hundredth time the account of the ketchup disaster.
“When I heerd Par swear I run inter the kitchen, an’ there he stood with suthin red orl down his face an’ neck. A ketchup bottle on the shelf above had bust over him an’ I thort it was blood. ‘Ebenezer Wopp,’ I says, ‘whose been tryin’ to arssarssinate yer?’ All he said was ‘By Heck,’ but a forty-horse power gun couldn’t of roared through the kitchen louder ’n them words.”
Mrs. Wopp was overcome with laughter at the bare memory of the picture her irate70 husband had presented.
“Hurry up, Moses,” she called, as soon as her joy had subsided71, “git those pipes finished an’ go arfter yor chores.”
“I’m chored from mornin’ till night, an’ arfter I go to sleep I do some more chorin’ jist to keep my hand in.” Moses was in a distinctly peevish72 mood.
“Can I hev a piece of jelly-roll, Mar?” coaxed73 Betty, stemming the tide of her brother’s complaints.
“There’s nary a piece left, that greedy boy et it orl up.”
“I b’lieve Moses’ll eat jelly-roll some day till he rolls up hisself. I’m orful hungry, can I hev some fresh bread?”
“What! Bread jist outer the oving! There aint a sinner this minute but what begun his vile74 career on a slice of fresh bread. Indisgestion shore fills jails an’ ’sylums more nor drink. You carn’t hev one slice till to-morrcr.”
“O, Mar, jist a teeny-weeny brown crust, it carn’t hurt me.”
“Orl right, you rascalashus coaxer75, an’ go make some tea an’ fetch some crackers76 an’ cheese an’ we’ll orl hev a bite.”
Mr. Wopp and Moses, who had hurried to the upper storey to escape the recital77 of the ketchup episode, now came heavily down the stairs, their task at last finished.
“Light the stove, Mose, an’ git the house het up. Mis’ Williams must of been froze to a cinder78 yesterday when she was here. That stove did nothin’ but smoke till our eyes leaked. I expected every minute to see her turn into an iced berg. Do you know, Ebenezer, Mis’ Williams told me that Mrs. Frame’s sister married the oldest son of Mr. Frame an’ his first wife.”
“Well, well, you don’t say!”
“Shore nuff, what relationship do you s’pose they are all to each other now?”
“Ain’t she her own aunt?” hazarded Mr. Wopp, abstractedly thrusting his hammer into his boot top and scratching his bald head with a pair of pincers.
Betty, not interested in intricate relationships, tiptoed into the parlor and uncovering the organ, played with one finger “Home Sweet Home.” The wool-embroidered motto on the wall almost wept.
“Kettle’s a-bilin’, Glory Girl, an’ Par an’ Mose’d like a cup of tea; but ’fore you leave the organ, play ‘Greenland Icy Mountains,’ it’s been runnin’ in my head orl day.”
“Don’t nobody start ‘Greenland Icy Mountings’ round here,” objected Moses. “I got orl the cool drarfts I need comin’ through this here hole in my shirt.”
Having disposed of the song, dear to her mother’s heart, in spite of the protestations of Moses, Betty went to the kitchen and in a few moments returned with a steaming pot of tea.
“Warsh yer ban’s, Mosey, an’ Par, an’ come on, Mar, here’s yer tea an’ crackers. Wisht I hed a piece of jelly-roll.”
“Fer the love of mike, what’s that noise?” Moses’ eyes seemed to almost dart79 from his head. The others looked up as a distinct rustling80 was heard in the parlor. Moses was on his feet first. The noise came from the stove.
“The house is haunted, Ebenezer. It’s them swear words has brung evil speerits. Moses run fer the ax an’ come back an’ open the stove door, lucky the fire wasn’t started yit.”
As the stove door opened for the intrepid81 Moses, out flew Tillie the white bantam hen now as black as a crow with soot. She fluttered into the face of Moses who was kneeling before the stove.
“How in the name of orl the aporstles did that hen git in there?” questioned Mrs. Wopp.
“Must of warlked in when I left a jint outside fer a minute. She shore is a dark complected bird now.” As Moses spoke82 he stretched out his arm for the sooty Tillie, but with an indignant cackle the hen tore through the dining-room into the kitchen with Moses and Betty in hot pursuit.
“That ole bantam has shore got some speeditood,” reflected Moses, in gasps83, as he made several futile84 plunges85 for Tillie.
The pursuit lasted longer than was anticipated and was most disastrous86 to the clean kitchen floor. Betty and Moses themselves got soot on their shoes and their footprints wrought87 havoc88 in the spotless kitchen.
As that long-suffering Mrs. Wopp wiped up the last traces of the chase she observed, “Moses’ footprints is twict as big as Betty’s, but hern is twict as many. They’ll shore git inter jist as much mischief89, but Praise be! They’re both toein’ in the right d’rection.”
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收听单词发音
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1
tempting
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| a.诱人的, 吸引人的 | |
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2
domes
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| n.圆屋顶( dome的名词复数 )；像圆屋顶一样的东西；圆顶体育场 | |
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3
swelling
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| n.肿胀 | |
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par
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| n.标准，票面价值，平均数量；adj.票面的，平常的，标准的 | |
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parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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soot
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| n.煤烟，烟尘；vt.熏以煤烟 | |
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diplomacy
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| n.外交；外交手腕，交际手腕 | |
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8
memoranda
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| n. 备忘录, 便条 名词memorandum的复数形式 | |
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9
simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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inter
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| v.埋葬 | |
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interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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dire
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| adj.可怕的，悲惨的，阴惨的，极端的 | |
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syllable
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| n.音节；vt.分音节 | |
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14
meekness
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| n.温顺，柔和 | |
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15
temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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16
fortes
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| n.特长，专长，强项( forte的名词复数 )；强音( fortis的名词复数 ) | |
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17
dismal
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| adj.阴沉的，凄凉的，令人忧郁的，差劲的 | |
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18
discordant
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| adj.不调和的 | |
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19
smote
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| v.猛打，重击，打击( smite的过去式 ) | |
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20
mar
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| vt.破坏，毁坏，弄糟 | |
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21
queried
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| v.质疑，对…表示疑问( query的过去式和过去分词 )；询问 | |
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22
unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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shovel
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| n.铁锨，铲子，一铲之量；v.铲，铲出 | |
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24
ominously
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| adv.恶兆地，不吉利地；预示地 | |
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overalls
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| n.（复）工装裤；长罩衣 | |
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26
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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27
tonic
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| n./adj.滋补品，补药，强身的，健体的 | |
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28
sweeping
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| adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的 | |
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29
gilt
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| adj.镀金的；n.金边证券 | |
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30
pitcher
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| n.(有嘴和柄的)大水罐；(棒球)投手 | |
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31
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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32
opportune
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| adj.合适的，适当的 | |
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33
mingling
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| adj.混合的 | |
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streak
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| n.条理，斑纹，倾向，少许，痕迹；v.加条纹，变成条纹，奔驰，快速移动 | |
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35
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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36
jaws
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| n.口部；嘴 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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38
tortuous
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| adj.弯弯曲曲的，蜿蜒的 | |
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39
sundry
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| adj.各式各样的，种种的 | |
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40
onlooker
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| n.旁观者，观众 | |
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41
sinister
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| adj.不吉利的，凶恶的，左边的 | |
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42
moroseness
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43
ailed
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| v.生病( ail的过去式和过去分词 )；感到不舒服；处境困难；境况不佳 | |
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44
prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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45
bolstering
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| v.支持( bolster的现在分词 )；支撑；给予必要的支持；援助 | |
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46
perspiring
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| v.出汗，流汗( perspire的现在分词 ) | |
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47
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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48
negotiations
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| 协商( negotiation的名词复数 )； 谈判； 完成（难事）； 通过 | |
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49
gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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50
oratorical
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| adj.演说的，雄辩的 | |
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51
rumbled
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| 发出隆隆声，发出辘辘声( rumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 轰鸣着缓慢行进； 发现…的真相； 看穿（阴谋） | |
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52
chromatic
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| adj.色彩的，颜色的 | |
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53
puffs
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| n.吸( puff的名词复数 )；（烟斗或香烟的）一吸；一缕（烟、蒸汽等）；（呼吸或风的）呼v.使喷出( puff的第三人称单数 )；喷着汽（或烟）移动；吹嘘；吹捧 | |
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54
groans
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| n.呻吟，叹息( groan的名词复数 )；呻吟般的声音v.呻吟( groan的第三人称单数 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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55
cadence
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| n.（说话声调的）抑扬顿挫 | |
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56
gash
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| v.深切，划开；n.(深长的)切(伤)口；裂缝 | |
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57
reproof
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| n.斥责，责备 | |
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58
benighted
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| adj.蒙昧的 | |
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59
remonstrated
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| v.抗议( remonstrate的过去式和过去分词 )；告诫 | |
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60
goaded
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| v.刺激( goad的过去式和过去分词 )；激励；（用尖棒）驱赶；驱使（或怂恿、刺激）某人 | |
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61
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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62
complexion
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| n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格 | |
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63
verge
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| n.边，边缘；v.接近，濒临 | |
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64
profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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65
utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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66
ketchup
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| n.蕃茄酱，蕃茄沙司 | |
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67
fomented
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| v.激起，煽动（麻烦等）( foment的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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68
bust
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| vt.打破；vi.爆裂；n.半身像；胸部 | |
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69
trickled
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| v.滴( trickle的过去式和过去分词 )；淌；使)慢慢走；缓慢移动 | |
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70
irate
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| adj.发怒的，生气 | |
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71
subsided
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| v.（土地）下陷（因在地下采矿）( subside的过去式和过去分词 )；减弱；下降至较低或正常水平；一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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72
peevish
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| adj.易怒的，坏脾气的 | |
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73
coaxed
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| v.哄，用好话劝说( coax的过去式和过去分词 )；巧言骗取；哄劝，劝诱 | |
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74
vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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75
coaxer
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76
crackers
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| adj.精神错乱的，癫狂的n.爆竹( cracker的名词复数 )；薄脆饼干；（认为）十分愉快的事；迷人的姑娘 | |
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77
recital
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| n.朗诵，独奏会，独唱会 | |
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78
cinder
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| n.余烬，矿渣 | |
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79
dart
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| v.猛冲，投掷；n.飞镖，猛冲 | |
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80
rustling
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| n. 瑟瑟声，沙沙声 adj. 发沙沙声的 | |
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81
intrepid
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| adj.无畏的，刚毅的 | |
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82
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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83
gasps
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| v.喘气( gasp的第三人称单数 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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84
futile
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| adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的 | |
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85
plunges
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| n.跳进，投入vt.使投入，使插入，使陷入vi.投入，跳进，陷入v.颠簸( plunge的第三人称单数 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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86
disastrous
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| adj.灾难性的，造成灾害的；极坏的，很糟的 | |
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87
wrought
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| v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的 | |
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88
havoc
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| n.大破坏，浩劫，大混乱，大杂乱 | |
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89
mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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