“By the circumstances of the story which I am going to relate, you will be convinced of my candour, while you are informed of my indiscretion. You will be enabled, I hope, to perceive, that, howsoever my head may have erred3, my heart hath always been uncorrupted, and that I have been unhappy, because I loved, and was a woman.
“I believe I need not observe, that I was the only child of a man of good fortune, who indulged me in my infancy4 with all the tenderness of paternal5 affection; and, when I was six years old, sent me to a private school, where I stayed till my age was doubled, and became such a favourite, that I was, even in those early days, carried to all the places of public diversion, the court itself not excepted, an indulgence that flattered my love of pleasure, to which I was naturally addicted7, and encouraged those ideas of vanity and ambition which spring up so early in the human mind.
“I was lively and good-natured, my imagination apt to run riot, my heart liberal and disinterested8, though I was so obstinately9 attached to my own opinions, that I could not well brook11 contradiction; and, in the whole of my disposition12, resembled that of Henry V., as described by Shakespeare.
“In my thirteenth year I went to Bath, where I was first introduced into the world as a woman, having been entitled to that privilege by my person, which was remarkably13 tall for my years; and there my fancy was quite captivated by the variety of diversions in which I was continually engaged. Not that the parties were altogether new to me, but because I now found myself considered as a person of consequence, and surrounded by a crowd of admirers, who courted my acquaintance, and fed my vanity with praise and adulation. In short, whether or not I deserved their encomiums, I leave the world to judge; but my person was commended, and my talent in dancing met with universal applause. No wonder, then, that everything appeared joyous15 to a young creature, who was so void of experience and dissimulation16, that she believed everybody’s heart as sincere as her own, and every object such as it appeared to be.
“Among the swains who sighed, or pretended to sigh for me, were two that bore a pretty equal share of my favour (it was too superficial to deserve the name of love). One of these was a forward youth of sixteen, extremely handsome, lively, and impudent18. He attended in quality of page upon the Princess Amelia, who spent that season at Bath. The other was a Scotch19 nobleman turned of thirty, who was graced with a red ribbon, and danced particularly well, two qualifications of great weight with a girl of my age, whose heart was not deeply interested in the cause. Nevertheless, the page prevailed over this formidable rival; though our amour went no farther than a little flirting20, and ceased entirely21 when I left the place.
“Next year, however, I revisited this agreeable scene, and passed my time in the same circle of amusements; in which, indeed, each season at Bath is exactly resembled by that which succeeds, allowing for the difference of company, which is continually varying. There I met with the same incense22, and again had my favourite, who was a North Briton, and captain of foot, near forty years of age, and a little lame23, an impediment which I did not discover, until it was pointed24 out by some of my companions, who rallied me upon my choice. He was always cheerful, and very amorous25, had a good countenance26, and an excellent understanding, possessed28 a great deal of art, and would have persuaded me to marry him, had I not been restrained by the authority of my father, whose consent was not to be obtained in favour of a man of his fortune.
“At the same time, many proposals of marriage were made to my parents; but as they came from people whom I did not like, I rejected them all, being determined29 to refuse every man who did not make his addresses to myself in person, because I had no notion of marrying for anything but love. Among these formal proposers was a Scottish earl, whose pretensions30 were broke off by some difference about settlements; and the son of an English baron31, with whom my father was in treaty, when he carried me to town, on a visit to a young lady. with whom I had been intimate from my infancy. She was just delivered of her first son, for whom we stood sponsors; so that this occasion detained us a whole month, during which I went to a ball at court, on the Queen’s birthday, and there, for the first time, felt what love and beauty were.
“The second son of Duke H—, who had just returned from his travels, was dancing with the princess royal, when a young lady came and desired me to go and see a stranger, whom all the world admired. Upon which I followed her into the circle, and observed this object of admiration33. He was dressed in a coat of white cloth, faced with blue satin, embroidered35 with silver, of the same piece with his waistcoat; his fine hair hung down his back in ringlets below his waist; his hat was laced with silver, and garnished36 with a white feather; but his person beggared description. He was tall and graceful37, neither corpulent nor meagre, his limbs finely proportioned, his countenance open and majestic38, his eyes full of sweetness and vivacity39, his teeth regular, and his pouting40 lips of the complexion41 of the damask rose. In short, he was formed for love, and inspired it wherever he appeared; nor was he a niggard of his talents, but liberally returned it, at least, what passed for such; for he had a flow of gallantry, for which many ladies of this land can vouch43 from their own experience. But he exclaimed against marriage, because he had, as yet, met with no woman to whose charms he would surrender his liberty, though a princess of France, and lady of the same rank in —, were said to be, at that time, enamoured of his person.
“I went home, totally engrossed45 by his idea, flattering myself that he had observed me with some attention; for I was young and new, and had the good fortune to attract the notice and approbation46 of the queen herself.
“Next day, being at the opera, I was agreeably surprised with the appearance of this amiable48 stranger, who no sooner saw me enter, than he approached so near to the place where I sat, that I overheard what he said to his companions; and was so happy as to find myself the object of his discourse49, which abounded50 with rapturous expressions of love and admiration. I could not listen to these transports without emotion; my colour changed, my heart throbbed51 with unusual violence, and my eyes betrayed my inclination52 in sundry53 favourable54 glances, which he seemed to interpret aright, though he could not then avail himself of his success, so far as to communicate his sentiments by speech, because we were strangers to each other.
“I passed that night in the most anxious suspense55, and several days elapsed before I saw him again. At length, however, being at court on a ball-night, and determined against dancing, I perceived him among the crowd, and, to my unspeakable joy, saw him advance, with my Lord P—, who introduced him to my acquaintance. He soon found means to alter my resolution, and I condescended57 to be his partner all the evening; during which he declared his passion in the most tender and persuasive59 terms that real love could dictate60, or fruitful imagination invent.
“I believed his protestations, because I wished them true, and was an unexperienced girl of fifteen. I complied with his earnest request of being permitted to visit me, and even invited him to breakfast next morning; so that you may imagine (I speak to those that feel) I did not, that night, enjoy much repose63. Such was the hurry and flutter of my spirits, that I rose at six to receive him at ten. I dressed myself in a new pink satin gown, and my best laced night-clothes, and was so animated64 by the occasion that, if ever I deserved a compliment upon my looks, it was my due at this meeting. The wished-for moment came that brought my lover to my view. I was overwhelmed with joy, modesty66, and fear of I knew not what. We sat down to breakfast, but did not eat. He renewed his addresses with irresistible67 eloquence68, and pressed me to accept of his hand without further hesitation69. But to such a precipitate70 step I objected, as a measure repugnant to my decency71, as well as to that duty which I owed to my father, whom I tenderly loved.
“Though I withstood this premature72 proposal, I did not attempt to disguise the situation of my thoughts; and thus commenced a tender correspondence, which was maintained by letters while I remained in the country, and carried on, when I was in town, by private interviews twice or thrice a week at the house of my milliner, where such endearments73 passed as refined and happy lovers know, and others can only guess. Truth and innocence74 prevailed on my side, while his heart was fraught75 with sincerity76 and love. Such frequent intercourse77 created an intimacy78 which I began to think dangerous, and therefore yielded to his repeated desire that we might be united for ever. Nay79, I resolved to avoid him, until the day should be fixed80, and very innocently, though not very wisely, told him my reason for this determination, which was no other than a consciousness of my incapacity to refuse him anything he should demand as a testimony81 of my love.
“The time was accordingly appointed, at the distance of a few days, during which I intended to have implored82 my father’s consent, though I had but faint hopes of obtaining it. But he was by some means or other apprised84 of our design, before I could prevail upon myself to make him acquainted with our purpose. I had danced with my lover at the ridotto on the preceding evening, and there perhaps our eyes betrayed us. Certain it is, several of Lord W—‘s relations, who disapproved86 of the match, came up and rallied him on his passion; Lord S— k, in particular, used this remarkable87 expression, “Nephew, as much love as you please, but no matrimony.”
“Next day, the priest being prepared, and the bridegroom waiting for me at the appointed place, in all the transports of impatient expectation, I was, without any previous warning, carried into the country by my father, who took no notice of the intelligence he had received, but decoyed me into the coach on pretence88 of taking the air; and, when we had proceeded as far as Turnham Green, gave me to understand, that he would dine in that place.
“There was no remedy. I was obliged to bear my disappointment, though with an aching heart, and followed him up-stairs into an apartment, where he told me he was minutely informed of my matrimonial scheme. I did not attempt to disguise the truth, but assured him, while the tears gushed89 from my eyes, that my want of courage alone had hindered me from making him privy90 to my passion; though I owned, I should have married Lord W—, even though he had disapproved of my choice. I reminded him of the uneasy life I led at home, and frankly91 acknowledged, that I loved my admirer too well to live without him; though, if he would favour me with his consent, I would defer92 my intention, and punctually observe any day he would fix for our nuptials94. Meanwhile I begged he would permit me to send a message to Lord W—, who was waiting in expectation of my coming, and might, without such notice, imagine I was playing the jilt. He granted this last request; in consequence of which I sent a letter to my lover, who, when he received it, had almost fainted away, believing I should be locked up in the country, and snatched for ever from his arms. Tortured with these apprehensions95, he changed clothes immediately, and, taking horse, resolved to follow me whithersoever we should go.
“After dinner, we proceeded as far as Brentford, where we lay, intending to be at my father’s country house next night; and my admirer putting up at the same inn, practised every expedient98 his invention could suggest to procure99 an interview; but all his endeavours were unsuccessful, because I, who little dreamed of his being so near, had gone to bed upon our first arrival, overwhelmed with affliction and tears. In the morning I threw myself at my father’s feet, and conjured100 him, by all the ties of paternal affection, to indulge me with an opportunity of seeing my admirer once more, before I should be conveyed from his wishes. The melancholy101 condition in which I preferred this supplication102, melted the tender heart of my parent, who yielded to my supplications, and carried me back to town for that purpose.
“Lord W—, who had watched our motions, and arrived at his own lodgings104 before we arrived at my father’s house, obeyed my summons on the instant, and appeared before me like an angel. Our faculties105 were for some minutes suspended by a conflict of grief and joy. At length I recovered the use of speech, and gave him to understand, that I was come to town in order to take my leave of him, by the permission of my father, whom I had promised to attend into the country next day, before he would consent to my return; the chief cause and pretence of which was my earnest desire to convince him, that I was not to blame for the disappointment he had suffered, and that I should see him again in a month, when the nuptial93 knot should be tied in spite of all opposition106.
“My lover, who was better acquainted with the world, had wellnigh run distracted with this information. He swore he would not leave me, until I should promise to meet and marry him next day; or, if I refused to grant that request, he would immediately leave the kingdom, to which he would never more return; and, before his departure, sacrifice Lord H. B—, son to the Duke of S. A—, who was the only person upon earth who could have betrayed us to my father, because he alone was trusted with the secret of our intended marriage, and had actually undertaken to give me away; an office which he afterwards declined. Lord W— also affirmed, that my father decoyed me into the country with a view of cooping me up, and sequestering107 me entirely from his view and correspondence.
“In vain I pleaded my father’s well-known tenderness, and used all the arguments I could recollect108 to divert him from his revenge upon Lord H—. He was deaf to all my representations, and nothing, I found, would prevail upon him to suppress his resentment109, but a positive promise to comply with his former desire. I told him I would hazard everything to make him happy; but could not, with any regard to my duty, take such a step without the knowledge of my parent; or, if I were so inclined, it would be impracticable to elude110 his vigilance and suspicion. However, he employed such pathetic remonstrances111, and retained such a powerful advocate within my own breast, that, before we parted, I assured him my whole power should be exerted for his satisfaction; and he signified his resolution of sitting up all night, in expectation of seeing me at his lodgings.
“He had no sooner retired114, than I went into the next room, and desired my father to fix a day for the marriage; in which case I would cheerfully wait upon him into the country; whereas, should he deny my request, on pretence of staying for the consent of my mother’s relations, which was very uncertain, I would seize the first opportunity of marrying Lord W—, cost what it would. He consented to the match, but would not appoint a day for the ceremony, which he proposed to defer until all parties should be agreed; and such a favourable crisis, I feared, would never happen.
“I therefore resolved within myself to gratify my lover’s expectation, by eloping, if possible, that very night; though the execution of this plan was extremely difficult, because my father was upon the alarm, and my own maid, who was my bedfellow, altogether in his interest. Notwithstanding these considerations, I found means to engage one of the housemaids in my behalf, who bespoke116 a hackney-coach, to be kept in waiting all night; and to bed I went with my Abigail, whom, as I had not closed an eye, I waked about five in the morning, and sent to pack up some things for our intended journey.
“While she was thus employed, I got up, and huddled118 on my clothes, standing27 upon my pillow, lest my father, who lay in the chamber119 below, should hear me afoot, and suspect my design. Having dressed myself with great despatch120 and disorder121, I flounced downstairs, stalking as heavily as I could tread, that he might mistake me for one of the servants; and my confederate opening the door, I sallied out into the street, though I knew not which way to turn; and, to my unspeakable mortification122, neither coach nor chair appeared.
“Having travelled on foot a good way, in hope of finding a convenience, and being not only disappointed in that particular, but also bewildered in my peregrination123, I began to be exceedingly alarmed with the apprehension96 of being met by some person who might know me; because in that case, my design would undoubtedly124 have been discovered, from every circumstance of my appearance at that time of day; for I had put on the very clothes which I had pulled off overnight, so that my dress was altogether odd and peculiar125. My shoes were very fine, and over a large hoop126 I wore a pink satin quilted petticoat trimmed with silver, which was partly covered by a white dimity night-gown, a full quarter of a yard too short; my handkerchief and apron127 were hurried on without pinning; my nightcap could not contain my hair, which hung about my ears in great disorder; and my countenance denoted a mixture of hope and fear, joy and shame.
“In this dilemma128, I made my addresses to that honourable129 member of society, a shoe-black, whom I earnestly entreated130 to provide me with a coach or chair, promising131 to reward him liberally for his trouble, but he, having the misfortune to be lame, was unable to keep up with my pace; so that by his advice and direction, I went into the first public-house I found open, where I stayed some time, in the utmost consternation133, among a crew of wretches135 whom I thought proper to bribe136 for their civility, not without the terror of being stripped. At length, however, my messenger returned with a chair, of which I took immediate97 possession; and fearing that, by this time, my family would be alarmed, and send directly to Lord W—‘s lodgings, I ordered myself to be carried thither137 backwards138, that so I might pass undiscovered.
“This stratagem139 succeeded according to my wish; I ran upstairs, in a state of trepidation140, to my faithful lover, who waited for me with the most impatient and fearful suspense. At sight of me his eyes lightened with transport: he caught me in his arms, as the richest present Heaven could bestow141; gave me to understand that my father had already sent to his lodgings in quest of me; then applauding my love and resolution in the most rapturous terms, he ordered a hackney-coach to be called, and, that we might run no risk of separation, attended me to church, where we were lawfully143 joined in the sight of Heaven.
“His fears were then all over, but mine recurred144 with double aggravation145: I dreaded147 the sight of my father, and shared all the sorrow he suffered on account of my undutiful behaviour; for I loved him with such piety148 of affection, that I would have endured every other species of distress149, rather than given him the least uneasiness; but love, where he reigns150 in full empire, is altogether irresistible, surmounts151 every difficulty, and swallows up all other considerations. This was the case with me; and now the irrevocable step was taken, my first care was to avoid his sight. With this view, I begged that Lord W— would think of some remote place in the country, to which we might retire for the present, and he forthwith conducted me to a house on Blackheath, where we were very civilly received by a laughter-loving dame153, who seemed to mistake me for one of her own sisterhood. I no sooner perceived her opinion, than I desired Lord W— to undeceive her; upon which she was made acquainted with the nature of my situation, and showed us into a private room, where I called for pen and paper, and wrote an apology to my father, for having acted contrary to his will in so important a concern.
“This task being performed, the bridegroom gave me to understand, that there was a necessity for our being bedded immediately, in order to render the marriage binding155, lest my father should discover and part us before consummation. I pleaded hard for a respite157 till the evening, objecting to the indecency of going to bed before noon; but he found means to invalidate all my arguments, and to convince me that it was now my duty to obey. Rather than hazard the imputation158 of being obstinate10 and refractory159 on the first day of my probation47, I suffered myself to be led into a chamber, which was darkened by my express stipulation160, that my shame and confusion might be the better concealed162, and yielded to the privilege of a dear husband, who loved me to adoration163.
“About five o’clock in the afternoon we were called to dinner, which we had ordered to be ready at four; but such a paltry164 care had been forgot amidst the transports of our mutual165 bliss166. We got up, however, and when we came downstairs, I was ashamed to see the light of day, or meet the eyes of my beloved lord. I ate little, said less, was happy, though overwhelmed with confusion, underwent a thousand agitations167, some of which were painful, but by far the greater part belonged to rapture169 and delight; we were imparadised in the gratification of our mutual wishes, and felt all that love can bestow, and sensibility enjoy.
“In the twilight170 we returned to Lord W—‘s lodgings in town, where I received a letter from my father, importing that he would never see me again. But there was one circumstance in his manner of writing, from which I conceived a happy presage171 of his future indulgence. He had begun with his usual appellation172 of ‘Dear Fanny,’ which, though it was expunged173 to make way for the word ‘Madam,’ encouraged me to hope that his paternal fondness was not yet extinguished.
“At supper we were visited by Lord W—‘s younger sister, who laughed at us for our inconsiderate match, though she owned she envied our happiness, and offered me the use of her clothes until I could retrieve174 my own. She was a woman of a great deal of humour, plain but genteel, civil, friendly, and perfectly175 well bred. She favoured us with her company till the night was pretty far advanced, and did not take her leave till we retired to our apartment.
“As our lodgings were not spacious176 or magnificent, we resolved to see little company; but this resolution was frustrated177 by the numerous acquaintance of Lord W—, who let in half the town: so that I ran the gauntlet for a whole week among a set of wits, who always delight in teasing a young creature of any note, when she happens to make such a stolen match. Among those that visited us upon this occasion was my lord’s younger brother, who was at that time in keeping with a rich heiress of masculine memory, and took that opportunity of making a parade with his equipage, which was indeed very magnificent, but altogether disregarded by us, whose happiness consisted in the opulence179 of mutual love.
“This ceremony of receiving visits being performed, we went to wait on his mother, the duchess of H—, who, hearing I was an heiress, readily forgave her son for marrying without her knowledge and consent, and favoured us with a very cordial reception; insomuch, that for several months, we dined almost constantly at her table; and I must own, I always found her unaltered in her civility and affection, contrary to her general character, which was haughty180 and capricious. She was undoubtedly a woman of great spirit and understanding, but subject to an infirmity which very much impairs181 and disguises every other qualification.
“In about three weeks after our marriage, I was so happy as to obtain the forgiveness of my father, to whose house we repaired, in order to pay our respects and submission182. At sight of me he wept; nor did I behold183 his tears unmoved. My heart was overcharged with tenderness and sorrow, for having offended such an indulgent parent; so that I mingled184 my tears with his, while my dear husband, whose soul was of the softest and gentlest mould, melted with sympathy at the affecting scene. Being thus reconciled to my father, we attended him into the country, where we were received by my mother, who was a sensible good woman, though not susceptible185 to love, and therefore less apt to excuse a weakness to which she was an utter stranger. This was likewise the case with an uncle, from whom I had great expectations. He was a plain good-natured man, and treated us with great courtesy, though his notions, in point of love, were not exactly conformable to ours. Nevertheless, I was, and seemed to be so happy in my choice, that my family not only became satisfied with the match, but exceedingly fond of Lord W—.
“After a short stay with them in the country, we returned to London, in order to be introduced at court, and then set out for the north, on a visit to my brother-in-law the duke of H—, who had, by a letter to Lord W—, invited us to his habitation. My father accordingly equipped us with horses and money; for our own finances were extremely slender, consisting only of a small pension, allowed by his grace, upon whom the brothers were entirely dependent, the father having died suddenly, before suitable provision could be made for his younger children.
“When I took leave of my relations, bidding adieu to my paternal home, and found myself launching into a world of care and trouble, though the voyage on which I embarked186 was altogether voluntary, and my companion the person on whom I doted to distraction187,— I could not help feeling some melancholy sensations, which, however, in a little time, gave way to a train of more agreeable ideas. I was visited in town by almost all the women of fashion, many of whom, I perceived, envied me the possession of a man who had made strange havoc188 among their hearts, and some of them knew the value of his favour. One in particular endeavoured to cultivate my friendship with singular marks of regard; but I thought proper to discourage her advances, by keeping within the bounds of bare civility; and, indeed, to none of them was I lavish189 of my complaisance190; for I dedicated191 my whole time to the object of my affection, who engrossed my wishes to such a degree, that, although I was never jealous, because I had no reason to be so, I envied the happiness of every woman whom he chanced at any time to hand into a coach.
“The duchess of —, who was newly married to the earl of P—, a particular friend of Lord W—‘s, carried me to court, and presented me to the queen, who expressed her approbation of my person in very particular terms, and, observing the satisfaction that appeared in my countenance, with marks of admiration, desired her ladies to take notice, how little happiness depended upon wealth, since there was more joy in my face than in all her court besides.
“Such a declaration could not fail to overwhelm me with blushes, which her Majesty192 seemed to behold with pleasure; for she frequently repeated the remark, and showed me to all the foreigners of distinction, with many gracious expressions of favour. She wished Lord W— happiness instead of joy, and was pleased to promise, that she would provide for her pretty beggars. And poor enough we certainly were in every article but love. Nevertheless, we felt no necessities, but passed the summer in a variety of pleasures and parties; the greatest part of which were planned by Lord W—‘s sister and another lady, who was at that time mistress to the prime minister. The first was a wit, but homely193 in person; the other a woman of great beauty and masculine understanding; and a particular friendship subsisted194 between them, though they were both lovers of power and admiration.
“This lady, who sat at the helm, was extremely elegant, as well as expensive in her diversions, in many of which we bore a share, particularly in her parties upon the water, which were contrived196 in all the magnificence of taste. In the course of these amusements, a trifling197 circumstance occurred, which I shall relate as an instance of that jealous sensibility which characterised Lord W—‘s disposition. A large company of ladies and gentlemen having agreed to dine at Vauxhall, and sup at Marble-hall, where we proposed to conclude the evening with a dance, one barge198 being insufficient199 to contain the whole company, we were divided by lots; in consequence of which, my husband and I were parted. This separation was equally mortifying201 to us both, who, though married, were still lovers; and my chagrin202 increased when I perceived that I was doomed203 to sit by Sir W. Y—, a man of professed204 gallantry; for, although Lord W— had, before his marriage, made his addresses to every woman he saw, I knew very well he did not desire that any person should make love to his wife.
“That I might not, therefore, give umbrage206, by talking to this gallant42, I conversed208 with a Scotch nobleman, who, according to common report, had formerly209 sighed among my admirers. By these means, in seeking to avoid one error, I unwittingly plunged210 myself into a greater, and disobliged Lord W— so much, that he could not conceal161 his displeasure; nay, so deeply was he offended at my conduct, that, in the evening, when the ball began, he would scarce deign211 to take me by the hand in the course of dancing, and darted212 such unkind looks, as pierced me to the very soul. What augmented213 my concern, was my ignorance of the trespass214 I had committed. I was tortured with a thousand uneasy reflections; I began to fear that I had mistaken his temper, and given my heart to a man who was tired of possession; though I resolved to bear without complaining the misfortune I had entailed215 upon myself.
“I seized the first opportunity of speaking to him, and thereby216 discovered the cause of his chagrin; but, as there was no time for expostulation, the misunderstanding continued on his side, with such evident marks of uneasiness, that every individual of the company made up to me, and inquired about the cause of his disorder; so that I was fain to amuse their concern, by saying, that he had been ill the day before, and dancing did not agree with his constitution. So much was he incensed217 by this unhappy circumstance of my conduct, which was void of all intention to offend him, that he determined to be revenged on me for my indiscretion, and at supper, chancing to sit between two very handsome ladies, one of whom is lately dead, and the other, at present, my neighbour in the country, he affected218 an air of gaiety, and openly coquetted with them both.
“This was not the only punishment he inflicted220 on his innocent wife. In the course of our entertainment, we engaged in some simple diversion, in consequence of which the gentlemen were ordered to salute221 the ladies; when Lord W—, in performing this command, unkindly neglected me in my turn; I had occasion for all my discretion2 and pride, to conceal from the company the agonies I felt at this mark of indifference223 and disrespect. However, I obtained the victory over myself, and pretended to laugh at his husband-like behaviour, while the tears stood in my eyes and my heart swelled224 even to bursting.
“We broke up about five, after having spent the most tedious evening I had ever known; and this offended lover went to bed in a state of sullen225 silence and disgust. Whatever desire I had to come to an explanation, I thought myself so much aggrieved226 by his unreasonable227 prejudice, that I could not prevail upon myself to demand a conference, till after his first nap, when my pride giving way to my tenderness, I clasped him in my arms, though he pretended to discourage these advances of my love. I asked how he could be so unjust as to take umbrage at my civility to a man whom he knew I had refused for his sake; I chid228 him for his barbarous endeavours to awake my jealousy229, and used such irresistible arguments in my own vindication230, that he was convinced of my innocence, scaled my acquittal with a kind embrace, and we mutually enjoyed the soft transports of a fond reconciliation233.
“Never was passion more eager, delicate, or unreserved, than that which glowed within our breasts. Far from being cloyed234 with the possession of each other, our raptures235 seemed to increase with the term of our union. When we were separated, though but for a few hours, by the necessary avocations237 of life, we were unhappy during that brief separation, and met again like lovers, who knew no joy but in one another’s presence. How many delicious evenings did we spend together, in our little apartment, after we had ordered the candles to be taken away, that we might enjoy the agreeable reflection of the moon in a fine summer’s evening! Such a mild and solemn scene naturally disposes the mind to peace and benevolence238; but when improved with conversation of the man one loves, it fills the imagination with ideas of ineffable239 delight! For my own part, I can safely say, my heart was so wholly engrossed by my husband, that I never took pleasure in any diversion where he was not personally concerned; nor was I ever guilty of one thought repugnant to my duty and my love.
“In the autumn, we set out for the north, and were met on the road by the duke and twenty gentlemen, who conducted us to H— n, where we lived in all imaginable splendour. His grace, at that time, maintained above a hundred servants, with a band of music, which always performed at dinner, kept open table, and was visited by a great deal of company. The economy of his house was superintended by his eldest241 sister, a beautiful young lady of an amiable temper, with whom I soon contracted an intimate friendship. She and the duke used to rally me upon my fondness for Lord W—, who was a sort of humourist, and apt to be in a pet, in which case he would leave the company and go to bed by seven o’clock in the evening. On these occasions, I always disappeared, giving up every consideration to that of pleasing my husband, notwithstanding the ridicule242 of his relations, who taxed me with having spoiled him with too much indulgence. But how could I express too much tenderness and condescension243 for a man, who doted upon me to such excess, that, when business obliged him to leave me, he always snatched the first opportunity to return, and often rode through darkness, storms, and tempests to my arms?
“Having stayed about seven months in this place, I found myself in a fair way of being a mother, and that I might be near my own relations in such an interesting situation, I and my dear companion departed from H— n, not without great reluctance244; for I was fond of the Scots in general, who treated me with great hospitality and respect; and to this day, they paid me the compliment of saying, I was one of the best wives in that country which is so justly celebrated245 for good women.
“Lord W— having attended me to my father’s house, was obliged to return to Scotland, to support his interest in being elected member of Parliament; so that he took his leave of me, with a full resolution of seeing me again before the time of my lying-in; and all the comfort I enjoyed in his absence, was the perusal246 of his letters, which I punctually received, together with those of his sister, who, from time to time, favoured me with assurances of his constancy and devotion. Indeed, these testimonials were necessary to one of my disposition; for I was none of those who could be contented247 with half a heart. I could not even spare one complacent248 look to any other woman, but expected the undivided homage249 of his love. Had I been disappointed in this expectation, I should, though a wife, have rebelled or died.
“Meanwhile my parents treated me with great tenderness, intending that Lord W— should be settled in a house of his own, and accommodated with my fortune, and his expectations from the queen were very sanguine250, when I was taken ill, and delivered of a dead child, an event which affected me extremely. When I understood the extent of my misfortune, my heart throbbed with such violence, that my breast could scarce contain it; and my anxiety, being aggravated251 by the absence of my lord, produced a dangerous fever, of which he was no sooner apprised by letter, than he came post from Scotland; but, before his arrival, I was supposed to be in a fair way.
“During this journey, he was tortured with all that terrible suspense which prevails in the minds of those who are in danger of losing that which is most dear to them; and, when he entered the house, was so much overwhelmed with apprehension, that he durst not inquire about the state of my health. As for my part, I never closed an eye from the time on which I expected his return; and, when I heard his voice, I threw open my curtains, and sat up in the bed to receive him, though at the hazard of my life. He ran towards me with all the eagerness of passion, and clasped me in his arms; he kneeled by the bedside, and kissed my hand a thousand times, and wept with transports of tenderness and joy. In short, this meeting was so pathetic as to overcome my enfeebled constitution, and we were parted by those who were wiser than ourselves, and saw that nothing was so proper for us as a little repose.
“But how shall I relate the deplorable transition from envied happiness to excess of misery253 which I now sustained! My month was hardly up, when my dear husband was taken ill; perhaps the fatigue254 of body, as well as mind, which he had undergone on my account, occasioned a fatal ferment255 in his blood, and his health fell a sacrifice to his love. Physicians were called from London, but alas256! they brought no hopes of his recovery. By their advice, he was removed to town, for the convenience of being punctually attended. Every moment was too precious to be thrown away; he was therefore immediately put into the coach, though the day was far spent; and I, though exceedingly weak, accompanied him in the journey, which was performed by the light of flambeaus, and rendered unspeakingly shocking by the dismal257 apprehension of losing him every moment.
“At length, however, we arrived at our lodgings in Pall258 Mall, where I lay by him on the floor, and attended the issue of his distemper in all the agonies of horror and despair. In a little time his malady259 settled upon his brain, and, in his delirium260, he uttered such dreadful exclamations262, as were sufficient to pierce the most savage263 heart. What effect then must they have had on mine, which was fraught with every sentiment of the most melting affection! It was not a common grief that took possession of my soul; I felt all the aggravation of the most acute distress. I sometimes ran down the street in a fit of distraction: I sent for the doctors every minute: I wearied Heaven with my prayers; even now my heart aches at the remembrance of what I suffered, and I cannot, without trembling, proceed with the woeful story.
“After having lain insensible some days, he recovered the use of speech, and called upon my name, which he had a thousand times repeated while he was bereft265 of reason. All hopes of his life were now relinquished266, and I was led to his bedside to receive his last adieus, being directed to summon all my fortitude268, and suppress my sorrow, that he might not be disturbed by my agitation168. I collected all my resolution to support me in this affecting scene. I saw my dear lord in extremity269. The beauties of his youth were all decayed; yet his eyes, though languid, retained unspeakable sweetness and expression. He felt his end approaching, put forth152 his hand, and, with a look full of complacency and benevolence, uttered such a tender tale — good Heaven! how had I deserved such accumulated affliction, the bare remembrance of which now melts me into tears? Human nature could not undergo my situation without suffering an ecstasy271 of grief. I clasped him in my arms, and kissed him a thousand times, with the most violent emotions of woe264; but I was torn from his embrace, and in a little time he was ravished for ever from my view.
“On that fatal morning, which put a period to his life, I saw the duchess of L— approach my bed, and, from her appearance, concluded that he was no more; yet I begged she would not confirm the unhappy presage by announcing his death; and she accordingly preserved the most emphatic272 silence. I got up, and trod softly over his head, as if I had been afraid of interrupting his repose. Alas! he was no longer sensible of such disturbance273. I was seized with a stupefaction of sorrow; I threw up the window and, looking around, thought the sun shone with the most dismal aspect; everything was solitary274, cheerless, and replete275 with horror.
“In this condition I was, by the direction of my friend, conveyed to her house, where my faculties were so overpowered by the load of anguish276 which oppressed me, that I know not what passed during the first days of my unhappy widowhood; this only I know, the kind duchess treated me with all imaginable care and compassion277, and carried me to her country house, where I stayed some months; during which, she endeavoured to comfort me with all the amusements she could invent, and laid me under such obligations as shall never be erased278 from my remembrance. Yet, notwithstanding all her care and concern, I was, by my excess of grief, plunged into a languishing279 distemper, for which my physicians advised me to drink the Bath waters.
“In compliance280 with this prescription281, I went thither towards the end of summer, and found some benefit by adhering to their directions. Though I seldom went abroad, except when I visited my sister-in-law, who was there with the princess; and, upon these occasions, I never failed to attract the notice of the company, who were struck with the appearance of such a young creature in weeds. Nor was I free from the persecution282 of professed admirers; but, being dead to all joy, I was deaf to the voice of adulation.
“About Christmas I repaired to my father’s house, where my sorrows were revived by every object that recalled the idea of my dear lamented284 lord. But these melancholy reflections I was obliged to bear, because I had no other home or habitation, being left an unprovided widow, altogether dependent on the affection of my own family. During this winter, divers6 overtures285 were made to my father by people who demanded me in marriage; but my heart was not yet sufficiently286 weaned from my former passion to admit the thoughts of another master. Among those that presented their proposals was a certain young nobleman, who, upon the first news of Lord W—‘s death, came post from Paris, in order to declare his passion. He made his first appearance in a hired chariot-and-six, accompanied by a big fat fellow, whom (as I afterwards learned) he had engaged to sound his praises, with a promise of a thousand pounds, in lieu of which he paid him forty. Whether it was with a view of screening himself from the cold, or of making a comfortable medium in case of being overturned, and falling under his weighty companion, I know not; but, certain it is, the carriage was stuffed with hay, in such a manner, that, when he arrived, the servants were at some pains in rummaging287 and removing it, before they could come at their master, or help him to alight. When he was lifted out of the chariot, he exhibited a very ludicrous figure to the view. He was a thin, meagre, shivering creature, of a low stature288, with little black eyes, a long nose, sallow complexion, and pitted with the smallpox289; dressed in a coat of light brown frieze290, lined with pink-coloured shag, a monstrous291 solitaire and bag, and, if I remember right, a pair of huge jack-boots. In a word, his whole appearance was so little calculated for inspiring love, that I had, on the strength of seeing him once before at Oxford292, set him down as the last man on earth whom I would choose to wed32; and I will venture to affirm, that he was in every particular the reverse of my late husband.
“As my father was not at home, he stayed but one evening, and left his errand with my mother, to whom he was as disagreeable as to myself; so that his proposal was absolutely rejected, and I heard no more of him during the space of three whole months, at the expiration293 of which I went to town, where this mortifying figure presented itself again, and renewed his suit, offering such advantageous294 terms of settlement, that my father began to relish295 the match, and warmly recommended it to my consideration.
“Lord W—‘s relations advised me to embrace the opportunity of making myself independent. All my acquaintance plied62 me with arguments to the same purpose. I was uneasy at home, and indifferent to all mankind. I weighed the motives297 with the objections, and with reluctance yielded to the importunity298 of my friends. In consequence of this determination, the little gentleman was permitted to visit me; and the manner of his address did not alter the opinion I had conceived of his character and understanding. I was even shocked at the prospect299 of marrying a man whom I could not love; and, in order to disburden my own conscience, took an opportunity of telling him, one evening, as we sat opposite to each other, that it was not in my power to command my affection, and therefore he could not expect the possession of my heart, Lord W—‘s indulgence having spoiled me for a wife; nevertheless, I would endeavour to contract a friendship for him, which would entirely depend upon his own behaviour.
“To this declaration he replied, to my great surprise, that he did not desire me to love him; my friendship was sufficient; and next day repeated this strange instance of moderation in a letter, which I communicated to my sister, who laughed heartily300 at the contents, and persuaded me, that since I could love no man, he was the properest person to be my husband.
“Accordingly, the wedding clothes and equipage being prepared, the day — the fatal day — was fixed; on the morning of which I went to the house of my brother-in-law, duke H—, who loved me tenderly, and took my leave of the family, a family which I shall always remember with love, honour, and esteem301. His grace received me in the most affectionate manner, saying at parting, “Lady W—, if he does not use you well, I will take you back again.”
“The bridegroom and I met at Ox — Chapel302, where the ceremony was performed by the bishop303 of W—, in presence of his lordship’s mother, my father, and another lady. The nuptial knot being tied, we set out for my father’s house in the country, and proceeded full twenty miles on our journey before my lord opened his mouth, my thoughts having been all that time employed on something quite foreign to my present situation; for I was then but a giddy girl of eighteen. At length my father broke silence, and clapping his lordship on the shoulder, told him he was but a dull bridegroom; upon which my lord gave him to understand that he was out of spirits. This dejection continued all the day, notwithstanding the refreshment304 of a plentiful305 dinner which he ate upon the road; and in the evening we arrived at the place of our destination, where we were kindly222 received by my mother, though she had no liking306 to the match; and, after supper, we retired to our apartment.
“It was here that I had occasion to perceive the most disagreeable contrast between my present helpmate and my former lord. Instead of flying to my arms with all the eagerness of love and rapture, this manly307 representative sat moping in a corner, like a criminal on execution day, and owned he was ashamed to bed with a woman whose hand he had scarce ever touched.
“I could not help being affected with this pusillanimous308 behaviour. I remembered Lord W—, while I surveyed the object before me, and made such a comparison as filled me with horror and disgust: nay, to such a degree did my aversion to this phantom309 prevail, that I began to sweat with anguish at the thought of being subjected to his pleasure; and when, after a long hesitation, he ventured to approach me, I trembled as if I had been exposed to the embraces of a rattlesnake. Nor did the efforts of his love diminish this antipathy310. His attempts were like the pawings of an imp17, sent from hell to seize and torment311 some guilty wretch134, such as are exhibited in some dramatic performance, which I have never seen acted without remembering my wedding-night. By such shadowy, unsubstantial, vexatious behaviour was I tantalized312, and robbed of my repose; and early next morning I got up, with a most sovereign contempt for my bedfellow, who indulged himself in bed till eleven.
“Having passed a few days in this place, I went home with him to his house at Twickenham, and soon after we were presented at court, when the queen was pleased to say to my lord’s mother, she did not doubt that we should be a happy couple, for I had been a good wife to my former husband.
“Whatever deficiencies I had to complain of in my new spouse313, he was not wanting in point of liberality. I was presented with a very fine chariot, studded with silver nails, and such a profusion314 of jewels as furnished a joke to some of my acquaintance, who observed, that I was formerly queen of hearts, but now metamorphosed into the queen of diamonds. I now also had an opportunity, which I did not let slip, of paying Lord W—‘s debts from my privy purse; and on that score received the thanks of his elder brother, who, though he had undertaken to discharge them, delayed the execution of his purpose longer than I thought they should remain unpaid315. This uncommon316 splendour attracted the eyes and envy of my competitors, who were the more implacable in their resentments317, because, notwithstanding my marriage, I was as much as ever followed by the men of gallantry and pleasure, among whom it is a constant maxim318, that a woman never withholds319 her affections from her husband, without an intention to bestow them somewhere else. I never appeared without a train of admirers, and my house in the country was always crowded with gay young men of quality.
“Among those who cultivated my good graces with the greatest skill and assiduity, were the Earl C— and Mr. S—-, brother to Lord F—. The former of whom, in the course of his addresses, treated me with an entertainment of surprising magnificence, disposed into a dinner, supper, and ball, to which I, at his desire, invited eleven ladies, whom he paired with the like number of his own sex; so that the whole company amounted to twenty-four. We were regaled with a most elegant dinner, in an apartment which was altogether superb, and served by gentlemen only, no livery servant being permitted to come within the door. In the afternoon we embarked in two splendid barges320, being attended by a band of music in a third; and enjoyed a delightful321 evening upon the river till the twilight, when we returned and began the ball, which was conducted with such order and taste, that mirth and good-humour prevailed. No dissatisfaction appeared, except in the countenance of one old maid, since married to a son of the duke of —, who though she would not refuse to partake of such an agreeable entertainment, was displeased322 that I should have the honour of inviting323 her. O baleful Envy! thou self-tormenting324 fiend! how dost thou predominate in all assemblies, from the grand gala of a court, to the meeting of simple peasants at their harvest-home! Nor is the prevalence of this sordid325 passion to be wondered at, if we consider the weakness, pride, and vanity of our sex. The presence of one favourite man shall poison the enjoyment326 of a whole company, and produce the most rancorous enmity betwixt the closest friends.
“I danced with the master of the ball, who employed all the artillery327 of his eloquence in making love; yet I did not listen to his addresses, for he was not to my taste, though he possessed an agreeable person, and a good acquired understanding; but he was utterly328 ignorant of that gentle prevailing329 art which I afterwards experienced in Mr. S—-, and which was the only method he could have successfully practised in seducing330 a young woman like me, born with sentiments of honour, and trained up in the paths of religion and virtue331. This young gentleman was indeed absolutely master of those insinuating332 qualifications which few women of passion and sensibility can resist; and had a person every way adapted for profiting by these insidious333 talents. He was well acquainted with the human heart, conscious of his own power and capacity, and exercised these endowments with unwearied perseverance334. He was tall and thin, of a shape and size perfectly agreeable to my taste, with large blue eloquent335 eyes, good teeth, and a long head turned to gallantry. His behaviour was the standard of politeness, and all his advances were conducted with the most profound respect; which is the most effectual expedient a man can use against us, if he can find means to persuade us that it proceeds from the excess and delicacy336 of his passion. It is no other than a silent compliment, by which our accomplishments337 are continually flattered. and pleases in proportion to the supposed understanding of him who pays it.
“By these arts and advantages this consummate339 politician in love began by degrees to sap the foundation of my conjugal340 faith: he stole imperceptibly into my affection, and by dint341 of opportunity, which he well knew how to improve, triumphed at last over all his rivals.
“Nor was he the only person that disputed my heart with Earl C—. That nobleman was also rivalled by Lord C. H—, a Scotchman, who had been an intimate and relation of my former husband. Him I would have preferred to most of his competitors, and actually coquetted with him for some time: but the amour was interrupted by his going to Ireland; upon which occasion, understanding that he was but indifferently provided with money, I made him a present of a gold snuff-box, in which was enclosed a bank-note; a trifling mark of my esteem, which he afterwards justified342 by the most grateful, friendly, and genteel behaviour; and as we corresponded by letters, I frankly told him, that Mr. S—— had stepped in, and won the palm from all the rest of my admirers.
“This new favourite’s mother and sister, who lived in the neighbourhood, were my constant companions; and, in consequence of this intimacy, he never let a day pass without paying his respects to me in person; nay, so ingenious was he in contriving343 the means of promoting his suit, that whether I rode or walked, went abroad or stayed at home, he was always of course one of the party; so that his design seemed to engross44 his whole vigilance and attention. Thus he studied my disposition, and established himself in my good opinion at the same time. He found my heart was susceptible of every tender impression, and saw that I was not free from the vanity of youth; he had already acquired my friendship and esteem, from which he knew there was a short and easy transition to love. By his penetration344 choosing proper seasons for the theme, he urged it with such pathetic vows345 and artful adulation, as well might captivate a young woman of my complexion and experience, and circumstanced as I was, with a husband whom I had such reason to despise.
“Though he thus made an insensible progress in my heart, he did not find my virtue an easy conquest; and I myself was ignorant of the advantage he had gained with regard to my inclinations346, until I was convinced of his success by an alarm of jealousy which I one day felt, at seeing him engaged in conversation with another lady. I forthwith recognized this symptom of love, with which I had been formerly acquainted, and trembled at the discovery of my own weakness. I underwent a strange agitation and mixture of contrary sensations. I was pleased with the passion, yet ashamed of avowing347 it even to my own mind. The rights of a husband, though mine was but a nominal348 one, occurred to my reflection, and virtue, modesty, and honour, forbade me to cherish the guilty flame.
“When I encouraged these laudable scruples350, and resolved to sacrifice my love to duty and reputation, my lord was almost every day employed in riding post to my father, with complaints of my conduct, which was hitherto irreproachable351; though the greatest grievance352 which he pretended to have suffered was my refusing to comply with his desire, when he entreated me to lie, a whole hour every morning, with my neck uncovered, that, by gazing, he might quiet the perturbation of his spirits. From this request you may judge of the man, as well as of the regard I must entertain for his character and disposition.
“During the whole summer I was besieged353 by my artful undoer, and in the autumn set out with my lord for Bath, where, by reason of the intimacy that subsisted between our families, we lived in the same house with my lover and his sister, who, with another agreeable young lady, accompanied us in this expedition. By this time Mr. S— had extorted354 from me a confession355 of a mutual flame, though I assured him that it should never induce me to give up the valuable possession of an unspotted character, and a conscience void of offence. I offered him all the enjoyment he could reap from an unreserved intercourse of souls, abstracted from any sensual consideration. He eagerly embraced the platonic356 proposal, because he had sagacity enough to foresee the issue of such chimerical357 contracts, and knew me too well to think he could accomplish his purpose without seeming to acquiesce358 in my own terms, and cultivating my tenderness under the specious359 pretext360.
“In consequence of this agreement, we took all opportunities of seeing each other in private; and these interviews were spent in mutual protestations of disinterested love. This correspondence, though dangerous, was, on my side, equally innocent and endearing; and many happy hours we passed, before my sentiments were discovered. At length my lover was taken ill, and then my passion burst out beyond the power of concealment361; my grief and anxiety became so conspicuous362 in my countenance, and my behaviour was so indiscreet, that everybody in the house perceived the situation of my thoughts, and blamed my conduct accordingly.
“Certain it is, I was extremely imprudent, though intentionally365 innocent. I have lain whole nights by my lord, who teased and tormented366 me for that which neither I could give nor he could take, and ruminated367 on the fatal consequences of this unhappy flame, until I was worked into a fever of disquiet368. I saw there was no safety but in flight, and often determined to banish369 myself for ever from the sight of this dangerous intruder. But my resolution always failed at the approach of day, and my desire of seeing him as constantly recurred. So far was I from persisting in such commendable370 determinations, that, on the eve of our departure from Bath, I felt the keenest pangs371 of sorrow at our approaching separation; and, as we could not enjoy our private interviews at my house in town, I promised to visit him at his own apartments, after he had sworn by all that’s sacred, that he would take no sinister372 advantage of my condescension, by presuming upon the opportunities I should give.
“He kept his word, for he saw I trusted to it with fear and trembling, and perceived that my apprehension was not affected, but the natural concern of a young creature, distracted between love and duty, whom, had he alarmed, he would never had seen within his doors again. Instead of pressing me with solicitations in favour of his passion, he was more than ever respectful and complaisant374; so that I found myself disengaged of all restraint, conducted the conversation, shortened and repeated my visits at my own pleasure, till at last I became so accustomed to this communication, that his house was as familiar to me as my own.
“Having in this manner secured himself in my confidence, he resumed the favourite topic of love, and, warming my imagination by gradual advances on the subject, my heart began to pant; when he saw me thus moved, he snatched the favourable occasion to practise all his eloquence and art. I could not resist his energy nor even fly from the temptation that assailed375 me, until he had obtained a promise that he should, at our next meeting, reap the fruits of his tedious expectation. Upon this condition, I was permitted to retire, and blessed heaven for my escape, fully115 determined to continue in the path of virtue I had hitherto trod, and stifle376 the criminal flame by which my peace and reputation were endangered. But his idea, which reigned377 in my heart without control, soon baffled all these prudent364 suggestions.
“I saw him again; and he reminded me of my promise, which I endeavoured to evade378 with affected pleasantry, upon which he manifested the utmost displeasure and chagrin, shedding some crocodile tears, and upbraided379 me with levity380 and indifference. He observed, that he had solicited381 my favour for ten long months without intermission, and imagined I had held out so long on virtuous382 motives only; but now he could plainly perceive that his want of success had been owing to my want of affection, and that all my professions were insincere. In a word, he persuaded me that his remonstrances were just and reasonable. I could not see the affliction of a man I loved, when I knew it was in my power to remove it; and, rather than forfeit383 his opinion of my sincerity and love, I consented to his wish. My heart now flutters at the remembrance of the dear though fatal indiscretion; yet I reflect without remorse384, and even remember it with pleasure.
“If I could not avoid the censure385 of the world, I was resolved to bear it without repining; and sure the guilt240, if there was any in my conduct, was but venial386; for I considered myself as a person absolved387 of all matrimonial ties, by the insignificance388 of Lord —, who, though a nominal husband, was in fact a mere389 nonentity390. I therefore contracted a new engagement with my lover, to which I resolved to adhere with the most scrupulous391 fidelity392, without the least intention of injuring my lord or his relations; for, had our mutual passion produced any visible effects, I would immediately have renounced393 and abandoned my husband for ever, that the fruit of my love for Mr. S— might not have inherited, to the detriment395 of the right heir. This was my determination, which I thought just, if not prudent; and for which I have incurred396 the imputation of folly398, in the opinion of this wise and honest generation, by whose example and advice I have, since that time, been a little reformed in point of prudentials, though I still retain a strong tendency to return to my primitive399 way of thinking.
“When I quitted Mr. S—, after the sacrifice I had made, and returned to my own bed, it may, perhaps, be supposed that I slept but little. True: I was kept awake by the joyful400 impatience401 of revisiting my lover. Indeed I neglected no opportunity of flying to his arms. When Lord — was in the country, we enjoyed each other’s company without interruption; but when he resided in town, our correspondence was limited to stolen interviews, which were unspeakably delicious, as genuine love presided at the entertainment.
“Such was my happiness in the course of this tender communication, that to this day I remember it with pleasure, though it has cost me dear in the sequel, and was at that time enjoyed at a considerable expense; for I devoted402 myself so entirely to my lover, who was desirous of engrossing403 my time and thoughts, that my acquaintance, which was very numerous, justly accused me of neglect, and of consequence cooled in their friendships; but I was ‘all for love, or the world well lost;’ and were the same opportunity to offer, I would act the same conduct over again.
“Some there are who possibly may wonder how I could love twice with such violence of affection. But all such observers must be unacquainted with the human heart. Mine was naturally adapted for the tender passions, and had been so fortunate, so cherished in its first impressions, that it felt with joy the same sensations revive, when influenced by the same engaging qualifications. Certain it is, I loved the second time as well as the first, and better was impossible. I gave up my all for both: fortune and my father’s favour for the one; reputation, friends, and fortune for the other. Yet, notwithstanding this intimate connection, I did not relinquish267 the world all at once; on the contrary, I still appeared at court, and attracted the notice and approbation of my royal patroness; I danced with the P— of W—; a circumstance which so nearly affected Mr. S—, who was present, that, in order to manifest his resentment, he chose the ugliest woman in the ball for his partner; and I no sooner perceived his uneasiness, than I gave over, with a view of appeasing404 his displeasure.
“Without repeating particular circumstances, let it suffice to say, our mutual passion was a perfect copy of that which had subsisted between me and my dear Lord W—. It was jealous, melting and delicate, and chequered with little accident, which serve to animate65 and maintain the flame, in its first ardency405 of rapture. When my lover was sick, I attended and nursed him with indefatigable406 tenderness and care; and during an indisposition, which I caught in the performance of this agreeable office, he discharged the obligation with all the warmth of sympathy and love.
“It was, however, judged necessary by the physicians, that I should use the Bath waters for the recovery of my health; and I set out for that place, glad of a pretence to be absent from Lord —, with whom I lived on very unhappy terms. He had, about nine months after our marriage, desired that we might sleep in separate beds, and gave a very whimsical reason for this proposal. He said, the immensity of his love deprived him of the power of gratification, and that some commerce with an object, to which his heart was not attached, might, by diminishing the transports of his spirits, recompose his nerves, and enable him to enjoy the fruits of his good fortune.
“You may be sure I made no objection to this plan, which was immediately put into execution. He made his addresses to a nymph of Drury Lane, whose name, as he told me, was Mrs. Rock. She made shift to extract some money from her patient; but his infirmity was beyond the power of her art, though she made some mischief407 between us; and I communicated my suspicion to the duke of H—, who intended to have expostulated with her upon the subject; but she got intimation of his design, and saved him the trouble by a precipitate retreat.
“After my return from Bath, where Mr. S— and I had lived happily, until we were interrupted by the arrival of my husband, his lordship expressed an inclination to be my bedfellow again. In this particular I desired to be excused. I would not be the first to propose the separation, which, though usual in other countries, is contrary to the custom of England, being unwilling408 to furnish the least handle for censure, as my character was still unblemished; yet, when the proposal came from him, I thought myself entitled to refuse a reunion; to which I accordingly objected.
“This opposition produced a quarrel, which rose to a state of perpetual animosity; so that we began to talk of parting. My lord relished409 the expedient, agreeing to add three hundred pounds a year to my pin-money, which, by the bye, was never paid; and I renounced all state and grandeur410, to live in a small house that I hired at Carshalton, where I passed my time for two months, in the most agreeable retirement411, with my dear lover. At length I was disturbed by the intrusion of my lord, who molested412 me with visits and solicitations to return, pretending that he had changed his mind, and insisting upon my compliance with his desire.
“I exhausted413 my invention in endeavours to evade his request; but he persecuted414 me without ceasing. So that I was fain to capitulate, on condition that he should immediately set out for France; and that he should not presume to approach my bed till our arrival at Calais. We accordingly departed for that kingdom; and, far from infringing415 the least article of our treaty, his lordship did not insist upon his privilege before we reached the capital of France.
“Meanwhile, I began to feel the effect of my passion in a very interesting manner, and communicated my discovery to the dear author of it, who would not leave me in such an affecting situation, but took the first opportunity of following us to France.
“In our road to Paris, we stopped to visit Chantilly, a magnificent chateau416 belonging to the prince of Conde, and there met by accident with some English noblemen, to whom I was known. The prince and his sisters invited me very politely into the gallery where they sat. They complimented me on my person, and seemed to admire my dress, which was altogether new to them, being a blue English riding-habit, trimmed with gold, and a hat with a feather. They were particularly well pleased with my hair which hung down to my waist, and pressed me to stay a fortnight at their house; an invitation which I was very much mortified417 at being obliged to refuse, because my lord did not understand the French language. I was enchanted418 with the place and the company, the women being amiable, and the men polite; nor were they strangers to my name and story; for Mr. S— calling at the same place a few days after, they rallied him on my account.
“When we arrived at Paris, the first thing I did was to metamorphose myself into a Frenchwoman. I cut off my hair, hid a very good complexion of my own with rouge419, reconciled myself to powder, which I had never used before, put on a robe with a large hoop, and went to the Tuileries, full of spirits and joy; for, at that time, everything conspired420 to make me happy. I had health, youth, and beauty, love, vanity, and affluence421, and found myself surrounded with diversions which were gay, new, and agreeable. My appearance drew upon me the eyes of the whole company, who considered me a stranger, but not a foreigner, so completely was I equipped in the fashion of the French; and when they understood who I was, they applauded my person with the most lavish encomiums, according to their known politeness.
“After having made a circuit round all the public places of entertainment in Paris, I was introduced into the company by an English family, residing in that city; and, among others, became acquainted with a French lady, whose charms were remarkably attractive. The duke of K— was her admirer; but she lived in reputation with her mother, and an agreeable sister, whose lover was the prince of C—, for almost every lady in France has her aimant.
“With this charming woman, whose name was Madame de la T—, I often made parties of pleasure. The duke, Mr. S—, she, and I, used to meet in the Bois de Boulogne, which is a pleasant wood, at a small distance from Paris, whither the company repairs in the summer season for the benefit of the air; and, after having amused ourselves among the groves422, embarked in his grace’s equipage, which was extremely elegant, being a calash drawn423 by six fine long-tailed greys, adorned424 with ribbons, in the French taste; and thus we were conducted to a little enchanted, or at least enchanting425, palace, possessed by the duke, at one end of the town. The lower apartment, appropriated to me, was furnished with yellow and silver, the bed surrounded with looking-glasses, and the door opened into the garden, laid out in a cradle walk, and intervening parterres of roses and other flowers. Above-stairs, my female companion lodged426 in a chamber furnished with chintz. We supped all together in the saloon, which, though small, was perfectly elegant. The company was always good-humoured, the conversation sprightly428 and joyous, and the scene, though often repeated, still delightful and entertaining.
“At other times, Mr. S— and I used to pass our evenings at the palace of the prince of C—, which his highness lent us for our accommodation. The apartments opened into the gardens of the Luxembourg, and were, in point of magnificence, suitable to the owner. Thither I used to repair in a flaming equipage, on pretence of visiting, and spent the best part of the night with him who was dearer to me than all the princes in the world.
“While I was happily engaged in these ravishing parties, my little lord was employed in his efforts to recover his health by restoratives, and I know not what; for he still lamented the enfeebling effects of his passion, and complained that he loved me more like an angel than a woman, though he strove to govern his affections according to the doctrines430 of the Christian431 religion, as he regulated his life by the maxims432 of Charles the Twelfth of Sweden. The meaning of this declaration I could never learn; and, indeed, I have been often tempted433 to believe he had no meaning at all.
“Be that as it will, I found my size visibly increasing, and my situation extremely uneasy, on account of the perpetual wrangling434 which prevailed between us, in consequence of his desiring to sleep with me again, after we had parted beds for the second time; and, that I might no longer be exposed to such disagreeable persecutions, I resolved to leave him, though at the hazard of my life.
“Thus determined, I went to the British ambassador, in a hackney-coach; and, in order to disguise my youth, which might have prepossessed him against my judgment435, muffled436 myself up in a black hood154, which, as he said, instead of lending an air of gravity to my countenance, added a wildness to my looks, which was far from being disagreeable. He had been a gallant man in his youth, and even then, though well stricken in years, was not insensible to the power of beauty. This disposition, perhaps, rendered him more favourable to my cause, though he first advised me to return to my husband; but finding me obstinate, he undertook to serve me in my own way, and procured437 a protection from the French king, by virtue of which I could live at Paris unmolested by my lord. Nevertheless, he advised me, if I was determined to leave him, to make the best of my way to England and sue for a divorce. I relished his opinion, and concealed myself about three days in Paris, during which I borrowed some linen438; for, as it was impossible to convey anything out of my own house without suspicion, I had neither clothes for my accommodation, nor a servant to wait on me.
“In this solitary condition, I took the road to Flanders, after I had put my lord upon a wrong scent439, by writing a letter to him, dated at Calais, and travelled through an unknown country, without any other attendant than the postillion, being subjected to this inconvenience by the laws of France, which are so severe in some particulars, that, if any person had been apprehended440 with me, he would have suffered death for going off with a man’s wife; though any man might go to bed with that same woman, without fear of incurring441 any legal punishment.
“I proceeded night and day without intermission, that I might the sooner reach Flanders, where I knew I should be safe; and as the nights were excessively cold, I was fain to wrap myself up in flannel442, which I bought for the purpose, as I had no clothes to keep me warm, and travelled in an open chaise. While we passed through dreary443 woods, quite remote from the habitations of men, I was not without apprehension of being stripped and murdered by the postillion; and, in all probability, owed my safety to the indigence444 of my appearance, which might also protect me in two miserable445 places, where I was obliged to lie, before I got out of the territories of France; for, as I could not reach the great towns where I intended to lodge427, I was under the necessity of putting up at little wretched hovels, where no provision was to be had, but sour brown bread, and sourer cheese; and everything seemed to denote the dens429 of despair and assassination446.
“I made shift, however, to subsist195 on this fare, uncomfortable as it was, confiding447 on the meanness of my equipage for the security of my person; and at length arriving at Brussels, fixed my quarters in the Hotel de Flandre (so well known to the English since), where I thought myself extremely happy in the accomplishment338 of my flight.
“I had not been two full days in this place, when I was blessed with the sight of my lover, who followed me on the wings of love, in pursuance of the plan we had projected before my departure from Paris. Here we concerted measures for proceeding448 to England. I hired a tall fine Liegeoise for my maid, and setting out for Ostend, we embarked in a vessel449, in which Mr. S— had bespoke our passage. Our voyage was short and prosperous, and our time most agreeably spent in the company of my dear partner, who was a most engaging man in all respects, as I dare say my Lady C— has since found him.
“I assumed a fictitious450 name, took private lodgings in Poland-street, retained lawyers, and commenced a suit for separation against my lord. I communicated the reasons of my elopement to my father, who was shocked and surprised at my conduct, which he condemned452 with expressions of sorrow and resentment. But the step was taken; nor did I repent453 of what I had done, except on his account.
“In the morning after my arrival at London, I waited upon the lord chief justice, to whom I complained of the usage I had received from my lord, whose temper was teasing, tiresome454, and intolerably capricious. Indeed, his behaviour was a strange compound of madness and folly, seasoned with a small proportion of sense. No wonder then, that I, who am hot and hasty, should be wretched, under the persecution of such a perverse455 humourist, who used to terrify me, and scold at me the whole night without intermission, and shake my pillow from time to time, that I might not sleep, while he tormented me with his disagreeable expostulations. I have been often frightened almost out of my senses, at seeing him convulsed with the most unreasonable passion; and chagrined456 to the highest degree of disgust, to find, by repeated observation, his disposition so preposterous457, that his satisfaction and displeasure never depended upon the cause he had to be satisfied or disobliged; but, on the contrary, when he had most reason to be pleased, he was always most discontented, and very often in good-humour when he had reason enough for vexation.
“While I lived in Poland-street, I was engaged with lawyers, and so often visited by my father, that I could not dedicate my whole time as usual to my lover; nor was it convenient that he should be seen in my company: he therefore took a small house at Camberwell, whither I went as often as I had an opportunity; and maintained the correspondence with such eagerness and industry, that, although I was six months gone with child, I have often, by myself, set out for his habitation, in a hackney-coach, at eleven o’clock at night, and returned by six in the morning, that I might be in my own bed when my father came to see me; for I concealed my amour, as well as the effects of it, from his knowledge, and frequently took water from the bridge, that my motions might not be discovered. Nothing but the most passionate458 love could have supported my spirits under such vicissitudes459 of fatigue, or enabled my admirer to spend whole days by himself in such a solitary retirement.
“By this time, my lord was arrived in England, and employed in discovering the place of my retreat; so that I lived in continual alarm, and provided myself with a speaking-trumpet460, which stood by my bedside, to be used in calling for assistance, in case my pursuer should make an attack upon my lodgings.
“This situation being extremely uncomfortable, I had no sooner begun my process against him, than I put myself entirely under the protection of Mr. S—, who conducted me to the house of a friend of his who lived in the country, where I was secure from the attempts of my husband. The world had now given me up, and I had renounced the world with the most perfect resignation. I weighed in my breast what I should lose in point of character, with what I suffered in my peace at home, and found, that my reputation was not to be preserved, except at the expense of my quiet, for his lordship was not disposed to make me easy, had I been ever so discreet363. I therefore determined to give up a few ceremonial visits, and empty professions, for the more substantial enjoyments461 of life.
“We passed our time very agreeably in various amusements with this friend of Mr. S—, until the term of my reckoning was almost expired, then returned to London, and took lodgings in Southampton-street, where I began to make the preparations for the approaching occasion. Here I proposed to live with the utmost circumspection462. I disguised my name, saw nobody but my lawyer and lover, and never approached the window lest I should be discovered by accident. Notwithstanding these precautions, my French maid, whom I had sent for some of my clothes, was dogged in her return, and next morning my lord took my lodgings by storm. Had he given the assault in his person only, I make no doubt but he would have suffered a repulse463 from the opposition of the Liegeoise, who made all the resistance in her power; but was obliged to give way to superior numbers. I was at that time abed, and hearing an unusual noise below, rang my bell, in order to know the cause of such disturbance. I drew my curtain at the same time, and who should I see entering my chamber but his lordship, attended by a constable464, and the footman who had discovered my retreat!
“Such an unexpected visit could not fail to affect me with surprise and consternation. However, I summoned all my fortitude to my aid, and perceiving the fellows were about to open my window-shutters, desired their principal to order them down-stairs. He readily complied with my request, and sitting down by my bedside, told me with an air of triumph, that he had found me at last; and I frankly owned, that I was heartily sorry for his success. Instead of upbraiding465 me with my escape, he proceeded to entertain me with all the news in town, and gave me a minute detail of everything that happened to him since our parting; among other articles of intelligence, giving me to understand, that he had challenged Mr. S—, who refused to fight him, and was in disgrace with the prince of W— on that account.
“But here his lordship did not strictly466 adhere to the naked truth. He had indeed, before our departure from the country, gone to my lover, and insisted upon having satisfaction in Hyde Park, two days from the date of his demand, and at three o’clock in the afternoon; S—, believing him in earnest, accepted the invitation; though he observed, that these affairs could not be discussed too soon, and wished the time of meeting might be an earlier hour. But his lordship did not choose to alter the circumstances of his first proposal; and, when he went away, said he should expect him at the appointed place and time, if it did not rain.
“His antagonist467 gave me an account of the conversation, when I assured him the whole business would end in smoke. Accordingly, my lord sent him a letter on Monday, desiring that the assignation might be deferred468 till Thursday, that he might have time to settle his affairs, and pay S— a hundred pounds, which he had formerly borrowed of him. When Thursday came, he was favoured with another epistle, importing that the challenger had changed his mind, and would seek satisfaction at law. Thus ended that heroic exploit, which his lordship now boasted of with such arrogant469 misrepresentation.
“While he thus regaled me with these interesting particulars, I was contriving a scheme to frustrate178 the discovery he had made; so that I did not contradict his assertions, but told him, that, if he would go down-stairs, I would rise and come to breakfast. He consented to this proposal with great cheerfulness; and I own I was not a little surprised to find him, at this first interview, in as good a humour as if nothing had happened to interrupt the felicity of our matrimonial union.
“It cost me some invention to conceal my condition from his notice, being now within a week of the expected crisis. But I knew I had to do with a man of no great penetration, and succeeded in my attempt accordingly. We breakfasted with great harmony, and I invited him to dinner, after having prevailed upon him to send away his myrmidons, whom, nevertheless, he ordered to return at eleven o’clock at night. We conversed together with great gaiety and mirth. When I rallied him for visiting me in such a dishabille, he stood on tiptoe to view himself in the glass; and, owning I was in the right, said he would go and dress himself before dinner. He accordingly went away, charging my maid to give him entrance at his return; and he was no sooner gone than I wrote to Mr. S—, giving him an account of what had happened. Then, without having determined on any certain plan, I huddled on my clothes, muffled myself up, and calling a chair, went to the next tavern470, where I stayed no longer than was sufficient to change my vehicle; and, to the astonishment471 of the drawers, who could not conceive the meaning of my perturbation, proceeded to a shop in the neighbourhood, where I dismissed my second chair, and procured a hackney-coach, in which I repaired to the lodgings of my lawyer, whom I could trust. Having made him acquainted with the circumstances of my distress, and consulted him about a proper place of retreat, after some recollection, he directed me to a little house in a court, to which, by the assistance of my lover, my woman and clothes were safely conveyed that same evening.
“My lord, however, came to dinner, according to invitation, and did not seem at all alarmed when my maid told him I was gone, but stepped to my lawyer to know if he thought I should return. Upon his answering in the affirmative, and advising his lordship to go back in the meantime, and eat the dinner I had provided, he very deliberately473 took his advice, made a very hearty474 meal, drank his bottle of wine, and, as I did not return according to his expectation, withdrew in order to consult his associates. This motion of his furnished my woman with an opportunity of making her retreat; and, when he returned at night, the coast was clear, and he found nobody in the house, but a porter, who had been left to take care of the furniture. He was so enraged475 at this disappointment, that he made a furious noise, which raised the whole neighbourhood, reinforced his crew with the authority of a justice of the peace, tarried in the street till three o’clock in the morning, discharged a lodging103 he had hired at a barber’s shop opposite to the house from which I had escaped, and retired with the comfortable reflection of having done everything which a man could do to retrieve me.
“The hurry of spirits and surprise I had undergone in effecting this retreat, produced such a disorder in my constitution, that I began to fear I should be delivered before I could be provided with the necessaries for the occasion. I signified my apprehension to Mr. S—, who, with infinite care and concern, endeavoured to find a more convenient place; and, after all his inquiries476, was obliged to fix upon a paltry apartment in the city, though his tenderness was extremely shocked at the necessity of choosing it. However, there was no remedy, nor time to be lost, To this miserable habitation I was carried in a hackney-coach; and, though extremely ill, bore my fate with spirit and resignation, in testimony of my sincere and indelible attachment477 to my lover, for whose case and pleasure, I could have suffered every inconvenience, and even sacrificed my life.
“Immediately after I had taken possession of my wretched apartment, I was constrained478 by my indisposition to go to bed, and send for necessary help; and in a few hours a living pledge of my love and indiscretion saw the light, though the terrors and fatigue I had undergone had affected this little innocent so severely479, that it scarce discovered any visible signs of life. My grief at this misfortune was inexpressible. I forthwith despatched a message to the dear, the anxious father, who flew to my arms, and shared my sorrow, with all the gentleness of love and parental480 fondness; yet our fears were, for that time, happily disappointed by the recovery of our infant daughter, who was committed to the charge of a nurse in the neighbourhood; so that I could every day be satisfied in my inquiries about her health. Thus I continued a whole fortnight in a state of happiness and tranquility, being blessed with the conversation and tender offices of my admirer, whose love and attention I wholly engrossed. In a word, he gave up all business and amusement, and concentrated all his care and assiduity in ministering to my ease and satisfaction: and sure I had no cause to regret what I had suffered on his account.
“But this my agreeable situation was one day disturbed by a most alarming accident, by which my life was drawn into imminent482 danger. The room under my bed-chamber took fire: I immediately smelt483 it, and saw the people about me in the utmost perplexity and consternation, though they would not own the true cause of their confusion, lest my health should suffer in the fright. Nevertheless, I was so calm in my inquiries, that they ventured to tell me my suspicion was but too just; upon which I gave such directions as I thought would secure me from catching484 cold, in case there should be a necessity for removing me; but the fire being happily extinguished, I escaped that ceremony, which might have cost me my life. Indeed, it was surprising that the agitation of my spirits did not produce some fatal effect upon my constitution; and I looked upon my deliverance as the protection of a particular providence485.
“Though I escaped the hazard of a sudden removal, I found it was high time to change my lodgings, because the neighbours rushing into the house, upon the alarm of fire, had discovered my situation, though they were ignorant of my name; and I did not think myself safe in being the subject of their conjectures486. Mr. S—, therefore, procured another compartment488, with better accommodation, to which I was carried as soon as my health would admit of my removal; and soon after my lord wrote to me by the hands of my lawyer, earnestly entreating489 me to drop my prosecution490, and come home; but I would not comply with his request; and nothing was farther from my intention than the desire of receiving any favours at his hands.
“Thus repulsed491, he set on foot a most accurate search for my person; in the course of which he is said to have detected several ladies and young girls, who had reasons for keeping themselves concealed; and had like to have been very severely handled for his impertinent curiosity. Being unsuccessful in all his attempts, he entered into a treaty with one Sir R— H—, a person of a very indifferent character, who undertook to furnish him with an infallible expedient to discover the place of my abode492, if he would gratify him with a bond for a thousand pounds; which being executed accordingly, this worthy493 knight494 advertised me and my maid in the public papers, offering one hundred pounds as a reward to any person who should disclose the place of our retirement.
“As soon as the paper fell into my hands, I was again involved in perplexity; and, being afraid of staying in town, resolved, with the concurrence495 of my lover, to accept of an invitation I had received from the duke of K—, who had by this time arrived in England, with that lady whom I have already mentioned as one of our parties at Paris. Having visited my little infant, I next day set out for the duke’s country seat, which is a most elegant chateau, and stands in a charming situation. Mr. S—— followed in a few days. We met with a very cordial reception; his grace was civil and good-natured, lived nobly, and loved pleasure; Madame de la T— was formed to please. There was always a great deal of company in the house; so that we passed our time agreeably in playing at billiards496 and cards, hunting, walking, reading, and conversation.
“But my terms of happiness were generally of short duration. In the midst of this felicity I was overtaken by a most severe affliction, in the death of my dear hapless infant, who had engrossed a greater share of my tenderness than perhaps I even should have paid to the offspring of a legitimate497 contract; because the circumstance of her birth would have been an insurmountable misfortune to her through the whole course of her life, and rendered her absolutely dependent on my love and protection.
“While I still lamented the untimely fate of this fair blossom, Lord — came down, and demanded me as his wife; but the suit which I then maintained against him deprived him, for the present, of a husband’s right; and therefore the duke would not deliver me into his hands. In six months he repeated his visit and demand; and an agreement was patched up, in consequence of which I consented to live in the same house with him, on condition that he should never desire to sleep with me, or take any other measure to disturb my peace; otherwise I should be at liberty to leave him again, and entitled to the provision of a separate maintenance. To these articles I assented498, by the advice of my lawyers, with a view of obtaining the payment of my pin-money, which I had never received since our parting, but subsisted on the sale of my jewels, which were very considerable, and had been presented to me with full power of alienation499. As to my lover, he had no fortune to support me; and for that reason I was scrupulously500 cautious of augmenting501 his expense.
“We had now enjoyed each other’s company for three years, during which our mutual passions had suffered no abatement502, nor had my happiness been mixed with any considerable alloy503, except that late stroke of providence which I have already mentioned, and the reflection of the sorrow that my conduct had entailed upon my dear father, whom I loved beyond expression, and whom nothing could have compelled me to disoblige but a more powerful flame, that prevailed over every other consideration. As I was now forced to break off this enchanting correspondence, it is not to be doubted that our parting cost us the most acute sensations of grief and disappointment. However, there was no remedy. I tore myself from his arms, took my leave of the family, after having acknowledged my obligations to the duke, and set out for the place of rendezvous504, where I was met by my lord, attended by a steward505 whom he had lately engaged, and who was one chief cause of our future separations. My lord, having quitted his house in town, conducted me to his lodgings in Pall Mall, and insisted upon sleeping with me the first night; but I refused to gratify his desire, on the authority of our agreement.
“This dispute produced a quarrel, in consequence of which I attempted to leave the house. He endeavouring to prevent my retreat, I fairly locked him in, ran down-stairs, and, calling a hackney-coach, made the best of my way into the city, to my father’s lodgings, where I lay, the family being in town, though he himself was in the country. I wrote to him immediately; and, when he came to London, declared my intention of separating from my lord; in which, seeing me obstinate and determined, he at length acquiesced506, and a formal separation accordingly ensued, which at that time I thought binding and immutable507.
“I was now sheltered under the wings of an indulgent father, who had taken me into favour again, on the supposition that my commerce with Mr. S— was absolutely at an end. Nevertheless, though we had separated, in all appearance for ever, we had previously508 agreed to maintain our correspondence in private interviews, which should escape the notice of the world, with which I was again obliged to keep some measures.
“Our parting at the duke of K—‘s house in the country was attended with all the genuine marks of sincere and reciprocal affection, and I lived in the sweet hope of seeing him again, in all the transport of his former passion, when my lawyer, who received my letters, brought me a billet one night, just as I had gone to bed. Seeing the superscription of S—‘s handwriting, I opened it with all the impatience of an absent lover; but how shall I describe the astonishment and consternation with which I was seized, when I perused509 the contents! Instead of the most tender vows and protestations, this fatal epistle began with, Madam, the best thing you can do is to return to your father, or some cold and killing510 expression to that effect.
“Heaven and earth! what did I feel at this dire132 conjuncture! the light forsook511 my eyes, a cold sweat bedewed my limbs, and I was overwhelmed with such a torrent512 of sorrow and surprise, that everybody present believed I would have died under the violent agitation. They endeavoured to support my spirits with repeated draughts513 of strong liquor, which had no sensible effect upon my constitution, though for eight whole years I had drunk nothing stronger than water; and I must have infallibly perished in the first ecstasy of my grief, had it not made its way in a fit of tears and exclamation261, in which I continued all night, to the amazement515 of the family, whom my condition had alarmed, and raised from their repose. My father was the only person who guessed the cause of my affliction; he said he was sure I had received some ill-usage in a letter or message from that rascal516 S—; so he termed him in the bitterness of passion.
“At mention of that name, my agony redoubled to such a degree that all who were present wept at sight of my deplorable condition. My poor father shed a flood of tears, and conjured me to tell him the cause of my disquiet; upon which, rather than confess the truth, I amused his concern by pretending that my lover was ill. The whole family having stayed by me till I was a little more composed, left me to the care of my maid, who put me into bed about six in the morning, but I enjoyed no rest. I revolved517 every circumstance of my conduct, endeavouring to find out the cause of this fatal change in S—‘s disposition; and as I could recollect nothing which could justly give offence, concluded that some malicious518 persons had abused his ears with stories to my prejudice.
“With this conjecture487 I got up, and sent my lawyer to him with a letter, wherein I insisted upon seeing him, that I might have an opportunity of justifying519 myself in person; a task which would be easily performed, as I had never offended, but in loving too well. I waited with the most anxious impatience for the return of my messenger, who brought me an answer couched in the coldest terms of civility which indifference could dictate; acknowledging, however, that he had nothing to lay to my charge, but that it was for the good of us both that we should part. He ought to have reflected on that before, not after I had sacrificed my all for his love! I was well-nigh distracted by this confirmation520 of his inconstancy; and I wonder to this day how I retained the use of my reason under such circumstances of horror and despair! My grief laid aside all decorum and restraint; I told my father that S— was dying, and that I would visit him with all expedition.
“Startled at the proposal, this careful parent demonstrated the fatal consequence of such an unguarded step, reminded me of the difficulty with which he had prevailed upon my mother and uncle to forgive my former imprudence, observed that his intention was to carry me into the country next day, in order to effect a perfect reconciliation; but now I was on the brink522 of forfeiting523 all pretensions to their regard, by committing another fatal error, which could not possibly be retrieved524; and that, for his part, whatever pangs it might cost him, he was resolved to banish me from his sight for ever.
“While he uttered this declaration, the tears trickled525 down his cheeks, and he seemed overwhelmed with the keenest sorrow and mortification; so it may be easily conceived what were the impressions of my grief, reinforced with the affliction of a father whom I dearly loved, and the consciousness of being the cause of all his disquiet! I was struck dumb with remorse and woe; and, when I recovered the use of speech, I told him how sensible I was of his great goodness and humanity, and owned how little I deserved his favour and affection; that the sense of my own unworthiness was one cause of my present distraction; for such was the condition of my fate, that I must either see S— or die. I said, though I could not expect his forgiveness, I was surely worthy of his compassion; that nothing but the most irresistible passion could have misled me at first from my duty, or tempted me to incur397 the least degree of his displeasure; that the same fatal influence still prevailed, and would, in all probability, continue to the grave, which was the only abode in which I hoped for peace.
“While I expressed myself in this manner, my dear good father wept with the most tender sympathy, and, saying I might do as I pleased, for he had done with me, quitted the room, leaving me to the cruel sensations of my own heart, which almost burst with anguish, upbraiding me with a fault which I could not help committing. I immediately hired a chariot and six, and would have set out by myself, had not my father’s affection, which all my errors could not efface526, provided an attendant. He saw me quite delirious527 and desperate; and therefore engaged a relation of my own to accompany and take care of me in this rash expedition.
“During this journey, which lasted two days, I felt no remission of grief and anxiety, but underwent the most intolerable sorrow and suspense. At last we arrived at a little house called the Hut, on Salisbury Plain, where, in the most frantic528 agitation, I wrote a letter to S—, describing the miserable condition to which I was reduced by his unkindness, and desiring to see him, with the most earnest solicitations. This billet I committed to the care of my attendant, and laid strong injunctions upon him to tell Mr. S—, my injuries were so great, and my despair so violent, that, if he did not favour me with a visit, I would go to him, though at his sister’s house, where he then was.
“He received my message with great coldness, and told my friend, that, if I would return to London without insisting upon the interview I demanded, he would, in a little time, follow me to town, and everything should be amicably529 adjusted; but when the messenger assured him, that I was too much transported with grief to hear of such a proposal, he consented to meet me in the middle of Salisbury Plain, that we might avoid all observation. And though I was little able to walk, I set out for the place of assignation, my companion following at a small distance.
“When I saw him leading his horse down the hill, I collected all my fortitude, and advanced to him with all the speed I could exert; but when I made an effort to speak, my tongue denied its office, and so lively was the expression of unutterable sorrow in my countenance, that his heart, hard as it was, melted at the sight of my sufferings, which he well knew proceeded from the sincerity of my love. At length I recovered the use of speech enough to tell him, that I was come to take my leave; and, when I would have proceeded, my voice failed me again. But, after a considerable pause, I found means, with great difficulty, to let him know how sensible I was of my own incapacity to retrieve his lost affections; but that I was willing, if possible, to retain his esteem, of which could I be assured, I would endeavour to compose myself; that I was determined to leave the kingdom, because I could not bear the sight of those places where we had been so happy in our mutual love; and that, till my departure, I hoped he would visit me sometimes, that I might, by degrees, wean myself from his company; for I should not be able to survive the shock of being deprived of him all at once.
“This address may seem very humble530 to an unconcerned observer; but love will tame the proudest disposition, as plainly appeared in my case; for I had naturally as much spirit, or more, than the generality of people have. Mr. S— was so much confounded at the manner of my behaviour, that he scarce knew what answer to make; for, as he afterwards owned, he expected to hear himself upbraided; but he was not proof against my tenderness. After some hesitation, he said, he never meant to forsake531 me entirely. that his affection was still unimpaired, and that he would follow me directly to London. I imposed upon myself, and believed what he said, because I could not bear to think of parting with him for ever, and returned to town in a more tranquil481 state of mind than that in which I had left my father, though my heart was far from being at ease; my fears being ingenious enough to foresee, that I should never be able to overcome his indifference.
“I took lodgings in Mount-street, and my maid having disposed of herself in marriage, hired another, who supplied her place very much to my satisfaction. She was a good girl, had a particular attachment to me, and for many years, during which she lived in my service, was indefatigably533 assiduous in contributing to my ease, or rather in alleviating534 my affliction. For, though S— came up to town according to promise, and renewed a sort of correspondence with me for the space of five months, his complaisance would extend no farther; and he gave me to understand, that he had determined to go abroad with Mr. V—; whom he accordingly accompanied in his envoying to D—.
“I understood the real cause of this expedition, which, notwithstanding his oaths and protestations of unabated love and regard, I construed535 into a palpable mark of dislike and disrespect; nor could the repeated assurances I received from him in letters mitigate536 the anguish and mortification that preyed537 upon my heart. I therefore gave up all hopes of recovering the happiness I had lost. I told him on the eve of his departure, that he might exercise his gallantry a great while, before he would meet with my fellow, in point of sincerity and love; for I would rather have been a servant in his house, with the privilege of seeing him, than the queen of England debarred of that pleasure.
“When he took his leave, and went down-stairs, I shrunk at every step he made, as if a new wound had been inflicted upon me and when I heard the door shut behind him, my heart died within me. I had the satisfaction to hear afterwards, he lamented the loss of me prodigiously538, and that he had never been so happy since. I sat down to write a letter, in which I forgave his indifference, because I knew the affections are altogether involuntary, and wished him all the happiness he deserved. I then walked up and down the room in the most restless anxiety, was put to bed by my maid, rose at six, mounted my horse and rode forty miles, in order to fatigue myself that I might next night enjoy some repose. This exercise I daily underwent for months together; and, when it did not answer my purpose, I used to walk round Hyde-park in the evening, when the place was quite solitary and unvisited by any other human creature.
“In the course of this melancholy perambulation, I was one day accosted539 by a very great man, who, after the first salutation, asked whether or not my intercourse with S— was at an end, and if I had any allowance from my husband. To the first of these questions I replied in the affirmative; and to the last answered, that my lord did not allow me a great deal; indeed, I might have truly said nothing at all; but I was too proud to own my indigence. He then expressed his wonder, how one like me, who had been used to splendour and affluence from my cradle, could make shift to live in my present narrow circumstances; and, when I told him that I could make a very good shift, so I had peace, he seemed to lament283 my situation, and very kindly invited me to sup with his wife at his house. I accepted the invitation, without any apprehension of the consequence; and, when I went to the place, was introduced into an apartment magnificently lighted up, I suppose, for my reception.
“After I had stayed alone for some time in this mysterious situation, without seeing a living soul, my inviter appeared, and said, he hoped I would not take it amiss that he and I were to sup by ourselves, as he had something to say, which could not be so properly communicated before company or servants. I then, for the first time, perceived his drift, to my no small surprise and indignation; and, with evident marks of displeasure, told him, I was sure he had nothing to propose that would be agreeable to my inclination, and that I would immediately leave the house. Upon which he gave me to understand, that I could not possibly retire, because he had sent away my chair, and all his servants were disposed to obey his orders.
“Incensed at this declaration, which I considered as an insult, I answered, with an air of resolution, it was very well; I despised his contrivance, and was afraid of nothing. Seeing me thus alarmed, he assured me I had no reason to be afraid; that he had loved me long, and could find no other opportunity of declaring his passion. He said the Q— had told him that Lord — had renewed his addresses to me; and, as he understood from my own mouth, my correspondence with S— was absolutely broke off, he thought himself as well entitled as another to my regard. In conclusion, he told me that I might command his purse, and that he had power enough to bring me into the world again with eclat540. To these advances I replied, that he was very much mistaken in his opinion of my character, if he imagined I was to be won by any temptations of fortune; and very frankly declared, that I would rather give myself to a footman, than sell myself to a prince.
“Supper being served, we sat down together; but I would neither eat nor drink anything, except a little bread and water; for I was an odd whimsical girl, and it came into my head, that he might perhaps have mixed something in the victuals541 or wine, which would alter my way of thinking. In short, finding himself baffled in all his endeavours, he permitted me about twelve o’clock to depart in peace, and gave up his suit as a desperate cause.
“This uncomfortable life did I lead for a whole twelvemonth, without feeling the least abatement of my melancholy. Finding myself worn to a skeleton, I resumed my former resolution of trying to profit by change of place, and actually went abroad, with no other attendant than my woman, and the utmost indifference for life. My intention was to have gone to the south of France, where I thought I could have subsisted on the little I had left, which amounted to five hundred pounds, until the issue of my law-suit, by which I hoped to obtain some provision from my lord; and, without all doubt, my expectation would have been answered, had I put this my plan in execution; but, being at Paris, from whence I proposed to set forward in a few days, I sent to M. K—, who had been formerly intimate with my father, and shown me many civilities during my first residence in France.
“This gentleman favoured me with a visit, and, when I made him acquainted with my scheme, dissuaded543 me from it, as an uncomfortable determination. He advised me to stay at Paris, where, with good economy, I could live as cheap as in any other place, and enjoy the conversation and countenance of my friends, among which number he declared himself one of the most faithful. He assured me, that I should be always welcome to his table, and want for nothing. He promised to recommend me as a lodger544 to a friend of his, with whom I would live in a frugal545 and decent manner; and observed, that, as the woman was well known and esteemed546 by all the English company in Paris, it would be the most reputable step I could take, considering my youth and situation, to lodge with a creditable person, who could answer for my conduct. Thus persuaded, I very simply followed his advice; I say simply, because, notwithstanding his representations, I soon found my money melt away, without any prospect of a fresh supply. In lieu of this, however, I passed my time very agreeably in several English and some French families, where, in a little time, I became quite intimate, saw a great deal of company, and was treated with the utmost politeness and regard; yet, in the midst of these pleasures, many a melancholy sigh would rise at the remembrance of my beloved S—, whom, for several years, I could not recollect without emotion; but time, company, amusements, and change of place, in a great measure dissipated these ideas, and enabled me to bear my fate with patience and resignation.
“On my last arrival at Paris, I was surrounded by a crowd of professed admirers, who sighed and flattered in the usual forms; but, besides that my heart was not in a condition to contract new engagements, I was prepossessed against them all, by supposing that they presumed upon the knowledge of my indiscretion with S—; and therefore rejected their addresses with detestation and disdain547; for, as I have already observed, I was not to be won but by the appearance of esteem, and the most respectful carriage; and though, by a false step, I had, in my own opinion, forfeited548 my title to the one, I was resolved to discourage the advances of any man who seemed deficient549 in the other.
“In this manner my lovers were one by one repulsed, almost as soon as they presented themselves, and I preserved the independence of my heart, until I became acquainted with a certain peer, whom I often saw at the house of Mrs. P—, an English lady then resident at Paris. This young nobleman professed himself deeply enamoured of me, in a style so different from that of my other admirers, that I heard his protestations without disgust; and, though my inclinations were still free, could not find in my heart to discountenance his addresses, which were preferred with the most engaging modesty, disinterestedness551, and respect.
“By these never-failing arts, he gradually conquered my indifference, and gained the preference in my esteem from Lord C— and the prince of C—, who were at that time his rivals. But what contributed more than any consideration to his success was his declaring openly, that he would marry me without hesitation, as soon as I could obtain a divorce from my present husband, which, in all probability, might have been easily procured; for, before I left England, Lord — had offered me five thousand pounds if I would consent to such a mutual release, that he might be at liberty to espouse552 one Miss W—, of Kent, to whom he then made love upon honourable terms; but I was fool enough to refuse his proposal, by the advice of S—. And whether or not his lordship, finding it impracticable to wed his new mistress, began to make love upon another footing, I know not; but, certain it is, the mother forbade him the house, a circumstance which he took so heinously553 ill, that he appealed to the world in a public advertisement, beginning with “Whereas, for some time, I have passionately554 loved Miss W—, and, upon my not complying with the mother’s proposals, they have turned me out of doors, this is to justify,” etc.
“This declaration, signed with his name, was actually printed in a number of detached advertisements, which he ordered to be distributed to the public; and afterwards, being convinced by some of his friends that he had done a very silly thing, he recalled them at half a guinea apiece. A copy of one of them was sent to me at Paris, and I believe my father has now one of the originals in his possession. After this wise vindication of his conduct, he made an attempt to carry off the lady from church by force of arms; but she was rescued by the neighbours, headed by her brother, who, being an attorney, had like to have made his lordship smart severely for this exploit.
“Meanwhile my new admirer had made some progress in my heart; and, my finances being exhausted, I was reduced to the alternative of returning to Lord — again, or accepting Earl B—‘s love. When my affairs were brought to an issue, I made no hesitation in my choice, putting myself under the protection of a man of honour whom I esteemed, rather than suffer every sort of mortification from a person who was the object of my abhorrence555 and contempt. From a mistaken pride, I chose to live in Lord B—‘s house, rather than be maintained at his expense in another place. We spent several months agreeably in balls and other diversions, visited Lord B—, who lived at the distance of a few leagues from Paris, and stayed some days at his house, where the entertainment was, in all respects, delightful, elegant, and refined. Their habitation was the rendezvous of the best company in France; and Lady B— maintained the same superiority in her own sex, for which her lord is so justly distinguished556 among the men.
“About Christmas we set out for England, accompanied by a little North Briton, who lived with Lord B— as his companion, and did not at all approve of our correspondence; whether out of real friendship for his patron, or apprehension that in time I might supersede557 his own influence with my lord, I shall not pretend to determine. Be that as it will, the frost was so severe, that we were detained ten days at Calais before we could get out of the harbour; and, during that time, I reflected seriously on what my new lover proposed. As he was very young, and unacquainted with the world, I thought my story might have escaped him; and therefore determined to give him a faithful detail of the whole, that he might not have anything to reproach me with in the sequel; besides, I did not think it honest to engage him to do more for me than he might afterwards perhaps think I was worth. Accordingly, I communicated to him every particular of my life; and the narration558, far from altering his sentiments, rather confirmed his good opinion, by exhibiting an undoubted proof of my frankness and sincerity. In short, he behaved with such generosity559, as made an absolute conquest of my heart. But my love was of a different kind from that which had formerly reigned within my breast, being founded upon the warmest gratitude560 and esteem, exclusive of any other consideration, though his person was very agreeable, and his address engaging.
“When we arrived in England, I went directly to his country seat, about twelve miles from London, where he soon joined me, and we lived some time in perfect retirement. His relations being greatly alarmed with the apprehension that Lord — would bring an action against him, though he himself desired nothing more, and lived so easy under that expectation, that they soon laid aside their fears on his account.
“We were visited by Mr. H. B—, a relation of my lord, and one Mr. R—, of the Guards, who, with the little Scotchman and my lover, made an agreeable set, among whom I enjoyed hunting, and all manner of country diversions. As to Mr. H. B—, if ever there was perfection in one man, it centred in him; or, at least, he, of all the men I ever knew, approached the nearest to that idea which I had conceived of a perfect character. He was both good and great, possessed an uncommon genius, and the best of hearts. Mr. R— was a very sociable561 man, had a good person, and cultivated understanding; and my lord was excessively good-humoured; so that, with such companions, no place could be dull or insipid562. For my own part, I conducted the family; and, as I endeavoured to please and make everybody happy, I had the good fortune to succeed. Mr. B— told me, that before he saw me, he heard I was a fool; but finding, as he was pleased to say, that I had been egregiously563 misrepresented, he courted my friendship, and a correspondence commenced between us. Indeed, it was impossible for any person to know him, without entertaining the utmost esteem and veneration564 for his virtue.
“After I had lived some time in this agreeable retreat, my husband began to make a bustle565. He sent a message, demanding me from Lord B—; then came in person, with his nightcap in his pocket, intending to have stayed all night, had he been asked, and attended by a relation, whom he assured that I was very fond of him, and detained by force from his arms. Finding himself disappointed in his expectations, he commenced a law-suit against Lord B—, though not for a divorce, as we desired, but with a view to reclaim566 me as his lawful142 wife. His lawyers, however, attempted to prove criminal conversation, in hopes of extorting567 money from my lover. But their endeavours were altogether fruitless; for no servant of Lord B—‘s or mine could with justice say we were ever seen to trespass against modesty and decorum; so that the plaintiff was nonsuited. While this cause was depending, all my lover’s friends expressed fear and concern for the issue, while he himself behaved with the utmost resolution, and gave me such convincing proofs of a strong and steady affection, as augmented my gratitude, and riveted568 the ties of my love, which was unblemished, faithful, and sincere.
“Soon after this event, I was seized with a violent fit of illness, in which I was visited by my father, and attended by two physicians, one of whom despaired of my life, and took his leave accordingly; but Dr. S—, who was the other, persisted in his attendance, and, in all human appearance, saved my life; a circumstance by which he acquired a great share of reputation. Yet, notwithstanding all his assistance, I was confined to my bed for ten weeks; during which Lord B—‘s grief was immoderate, his care and generosity unlimited569. While I lay in this extremity, Mr. S—, penetrated570 by my melancholy condition, which revived his tenderness, begged leave to be admitted to my presence; and Lord B— would have complied with his request, had I not been judged too weak to bear the shock of such an interview. My constitution, however, agreeably disappointed my fears; and the fever had no sooner left me, than I was removed to a hunting seat belonging to my lover, from whence, after I had recovered my strength, we went to B— castle, where we kept open house. And, while we remained at this place, Lord B— received a letter from Lord —, dated in November, challenging him to single combat in May, upon the frontiers of France and Flanders. This defiance571 was sent in consequence of what had passed between them long before my indisposition, at a meeting in a certain tavern, where they quarrelled, and in the fray572, my lover threw his antagonist under the table. I counselled him to take no notice of this rhodomontade, which I knew was void of all intention of performance; and he was wise enough to follow my advice, resolved, however, should the message be repeated, to take the challenger at his word.
“Having resided some time at this place, we returned to the other country house which he had left, where Lord B— addicted himself so much to hunting, and other male diversions, that I began to think he neglected me, and apprised him of my suspicion, assuring him, at the same time, that I would leave him as soon as my opinion should be confirmed. This declaration had no effect upon his behaviour, which became so remarkably cold, that even Mr. R—, who lived with us, imagined that his affection was palpably diminished. When I went to town, I was usually attended by his cousin, or this gentleman, or both, but seldom favoured with his company; nay, when I repaired to Bath, for the re-establishment of my health, he permitted me to go alone; so that I was quite persuaded of his indifference; and yet I was mistaken in my opinion. But I had been spoiled by the behaviour of my first husband, and Mr. S—, who never quitted me for the sake of any amusement, and often resisted the calls of the most urgent business, rather than part from me, though but for a few hours. I thought every man who loved me truly would act in the same manner; and, whether I am right or wrong in my conjectures, I leave wiser casuists to judge. Certain it is, such sacrifice and devotion is the most pleasing proof of an admirer’s passion; and, Voyez-moi plus souvent, et ne me donnez rien, is one of my favourite maxims. A man may give money, because he is profuse573; he may be violently fond, because he is of a sanguine constitution. But, if he gives me his time, he gives me an unquestionable proof of my being in full possession of his heart.
“My appearance at Bath, without the company of Lord B—, occasioned a general surprise, and encouraged the men to pester574 me with addresses, every new admirer endeavouring to advance his suit by demonstrating the unkind and disrespectful behaviour of his lordship. Indeed, this was the most effectual string they could touch. My pride and resentment were alarmed, I was weak enough to listen to one man, who had like to have insinuated576 himself into my inclinations. He was tall and large-boned, with white hair, inclining to what is called sandy, and had the reputation of being handsome, though I think he scarce deserved that epithet577. He possessed a large fortune, loved mischief, and stuck at nothing for the accomplishment of his designs, one of his chief pleasures being that of setting any two lovers at variance578. He employed his address upon me with great assiduity, and knew so well how to manage my resentment, that I was pleased with his manner, heard his vows without disgust, and, in a word, promised to deliberate with myself upon his proposals, and give him an account of my determination in writing.
“Thus resolved, I went to Lord B—, in Wiltshire, whither I was followed by this pretender to my heart, who visited us on the footing of an acquaintance; but when I reflected on what I had done, I condemned my own conduct as indiscreet, though nothing decisive had passed between us, and began to hate him in proportion to the self-conviction I felt, perceiving that I had involved myself in a difficulty from which I should not be easily disengaged. For the present, however, I found means to postpone579 my declaration. He admitted my excuse, and I returned to London with Lord B—, who was again summoned to the field by his former challenger.
“H— d — n, governor, counsellor, and steward to this little hero, came to Lord B— with a verbal message, importing that his lordship had changed his mind about going to Flanders, but expected to meet him, on such a day and hour, in the burying-ground near Red Lion-square. Lord B— accepted the challenge, and gave me an account of what had passed; but he had been anticipated by the messenger, who had already tried to alarm my fears from the consideration of the consequence, that I might take some measures to prevent their meeting. I perceived his drift, and told him plainly, that Lord — had no intention to risk his person, though he endeavoured with all his might to persuade me, that his principal was desperate and determined. I knew my little husband too well to think he would bring matters to any dangerous issue, and was apprehensive580 of nothing but foul581 play, from the villainy of H— d — n, with which I was equally well acquainted. Indeed, I signified my doubts on that score to Mr. B—, who would have attended his kinsman582 to the field, had he not thought he might be liable to censure, if anything should happen to Lord B—, because he himself was heir at law: for that reason he judiciously584 declined being personally concerned; and we pitched upon the earl of A—, his lordship’s uncle, who willingly undertook the office.
“At the appointed time they went to the house of rendezvous, where they had not waited long when the challenger appeared, in a new pink satin waistcoat, which he had put on for the occasion, with his sword under his arm. and his steward by him, leaving, in a hackney-coach at some distance, a surgeon whom he had provided for the care of his person. Thus equipped he advanced to his antagonist, and desired him to choose his ground; upon which Lord B— told him, that if he must fall, it was not material which grave he should tumble over.
“Our little hero, finding him so jocose585 and determined, turned to Lord A—, and desired to speak with him, that he might disburden his conscience before they should begin the work of death. They accordingly went aside; and he gave him to understand, that his motive296 for fighting, was Lord B—‘s detaining his wife from him by compulsion. The earl of A— assured him, he was egregiously mistaken in his conjecture; that his nephew used no force or undue586 influence to keep me in his house; but it could not be expected that he would turn me out of doors.
“This explanation was altogether satisfactory to Lord —, who said he was far from being so unreasonable as to expect Lord B— would commit such a breach587 of hospitality; and all he desired was, that his wife should be left to her own inclinations. Upon these articles, peace was concluded, and they parted without bloodshed. At least these are the particulars of the story, as they were related by Lord A—, with whom I laughed heartily at the adventure, for I never doubted that the challenger would find some expedient to prevent the duel588, though I wondered how he mustered589 up resolution enough to carry it so far.
“That he might not, however, give us any more trouble, we resolved to go and enjoy ourselves in France. whither I went by myself, in hopes of being soon joined by my lover, who was obliged to stay some time longer in England, to settle his affairs. He was so much affected at our parting, though but for a few weeks, that he was almost distracted. And this affliction renewed my tenderness for him, because it was an undoubted proof of his love. I wrote to him every post from France; and, as I had no secrets, desired him to take care of all the letters that should come to his house, directed to me, after my departure from England.
“This was an unfortunate office for him, in the execution of which he chanced to open a letter from Sir T— A—, with whom, as I have already observed, I had some correspondence at Bath. I had according to my promise, given this gentleman a decisive answer, importing that I was determined to remain in my present situation; but as Lord B— was ignorant of my sentiments in that particular, and perceived from the letter that something extraordinary had passed between us, and that I was earnestly solicited to leave him, he was seized with the utmost consternation and concern; and, having previously obtained the king’s leave to go abroad, set out that very night for France, leaving his affairs in the greatest confusion.
“Sir T— A— hearing I was gone, without understanding the cause of my departure, took the same route, and both arrived at Dover next day. They heard of each other’s motions. Each bribed590 the master of a packet-boat to transport him with expedition; but that depending upon the wind, both reached Calais at the same time, though in different vessels591. Sir T— sent his valet-de-chambre post, with a letter, entreating me to accompany him into Italy, where he would make me mistress of his whole fortune, and to set out directly for that country, that he might not lose me by the arrival of Lord B—, promising to join me on the road, if I would consent to make him happy. I sent his messenger back with an answer, wherein I expressed surprise at his proposals, after having signified my resolution to him before I left England. He was scarce dismissed, when I received another letter from Lord B—, beseeching592 me to meet him at Clermont, upon the road from Calais; and conjuring593 me to avoid the sight of his rival, should he get the start of him in travelling. This, however, was not likely to be the case, as Lord B— rode post, and the other was, by his corpulence, obliged to travel in a chaise; yet, that I might not increase his anxiety, I left Paris immediately on the receipt of his message, and met him at the appointed place, where he received me with all the agitation of joy and fear, and asked if I had ever encouraged Sir T— A— in his addresses. I very candidly594 told him the whole transaction, at which he was incensed; but his indignation was soon appeased596, when I professed my penitence597, and assured him that I had totally rejected his rival. Not that I approved of my behaviour to Sir T—, who, I own, was ill-used in this affair; but surely it was more excusable to halt here, than proceed farther in my indiscretion.
“My lover being satisfied with my declaration, we went together to Paris, being attended by the Scotchman, whom I have already mentioned, though I believe he was not over and above well pleased to see matters thus amicably compromised. The furious knight followed us to the capital; insisted on seeing me in person; told this North Briton, that I was actually engaged to him; wrote every hour, and railed at my perfidious598 conduct. I took no notice of these delirious transports, which were also disregarded by Lord B—, till, one night, he was exasperated599 by the insinuations of Mr. C—, who, I believe, inflamed600 his jealousy, by hinting a suspicion that I was really in love with his rival. What passed betwixt them I know not, but he sent for me from the opera, by a physician of Paris, who was a sort of go-between among us all, and who told me, that, if I did not come home in the instant, a duel would be fought on my account.
“I was very much shocked at this information; but, by being used to alarms from the behaviour of Lord —, I had acquired a pretty good share of resolution, and with great composure entered the room where Lord B— was, with his companion, whom I immediately ordered to withdraw. I then gave his lordship to understand, that I was informed of what had passed, and thought myself so much injured by the person who had just quitted the apartment, that I would no longer live under the same roof with him. Lord B— raved601 like a bedlamite, taxing me with want of candour and affection; but I easily justified my own integrity, and gave him such assurances of my love, that his jealousy subsided602, and his spirits were recomposed. Nevertheless, I insisted upon his dismissing Mr. C—, on pain of my leaving the house, as I could not help thinking he had used his endeavours to prejudice me in the opinion of my lord. If his conduct was the result of friendship for his patron, he certainly acted the part of an honest and trusty adherent603. But I could not easily forgive him, because, a few weeks before, he had, by my interest, obtained a considerable addition to his allowance; and even after the steps he had taken to disoblige me, I was not so much his enemy but that I prevailed upon Lord B— to double his salary, that his leaving the family might be no detriment to his fortune. His lordship having complied with my demand, this gentleman, after having stayed three days in the house, to prepare for his departure, during which I would not suffer him to be admitted into my presence, made his retreat with a fine young girl, who was my companion; and I have never seen him since that time.
“Sir T— still continued furious, and would not take a denial, except from my own mouth, upon which, with the approbation of Lord B—, I indulged him with an interview. He entered the apartment with a stern countenance, and told me I had used him ill. I pleaded guilty to the charge, and begged his pardon accordingly. I attempted to reason the case with him, but he would hear no arguments except his own, and even tried to intimidate604 me with threats; which provoked me to such a degree, that I defied his vengeance605. I told him, that I feared nothing but the report of my own conscience; that, though I had acted a simple part, he durst not say there was anything criminal in my conduct, and that, from his present frantic and unjust behaviour, I thought myself happy in having escaped him. He swore I was the most inflexible606 of all creatures; asked if nothing would move me; and when I answered, “Nothing,” took his leave, and never after persecuted me with his addresses; though I have heard he was vain and false enough to boast of favours, which, upon my honour, he never received, as he himself, at one time, owned to Dr. Cantwell, at Paris.
“While he underwent all this frenzy607 and distraction upon my account, he was loved with the same violence of passion by a certain Scotch lady of quality, who, when he followed me to France, pursued him thither with the same eagerness and expedition. Far from being jealous of me as a rival, she used to come to my house, implore83 my good offices with the object of her love, and, laying herself on the floor at full length before the fire, weep and cry like a person bereft of her senses. She bitterly complained that he had never obliged her but once; and begged, with the most earnest supplications, that I would give her an opportunity of seeing him at my house. But I thought proper to avoid her company, as soon as I perceived her intention.
“We continued at Paris for some time, during which I contracted an acquaintance with the sister of Madame de la T—. She was the supposed mistress of the prince of C—, endowed with a great share of understanding, and loved pleasure to excess, though she maintained her reputation on a respectable footing, by living with her husband and mother. This lady, perceiving that I had inspired her lover with a passion, which gave me uneasiness on her account, actually practised all her eloquence and art in persuading me to listen to his love; for it was a maxim with her to please him at any rate. I was shocked at her indelicate complaisance, and rejected the proposal as repugnant to my present engagement, which I held as sacred as any nuptial tie, and much more binding than a forced or unnatural608 marriage.
“Upon our return to England, we lived in great harmony and peace, and nothing was wanting to my happiness, but the one thing to me the most needful; I mean the enchanting tenderness and delightful enthusiasm of love. Lord B—‘s heart, I believe, felt the soft impressions; and, for my own part, I loved him with the most faithful affection. It is not enough to say I wished him well; I had the most delicate, the most genuine esteem for his virtue; I had an intimate regard and anxiety for his interest; and felt for him as if he had been my own son. But still there was a vacancy609 in my heart; there was not that fervour, that transport, that ecstasy of passion which I had formerly known; my bosom610 was not filled with the little deity611; I could not help recalling to my remembrance the fond, the ravishing moments I had passed with S—. Had I understood the conditions of life, those pleasures were happily exchanged for my present situation, because, if I was now deprived of those rapturous enjoyments, I was also exempted612 from the cares and anxiety that attended them; but I was generally extravagant613 in my notions of happiness, and therefore construed my present tranquility into an insipid languor614 and stagnation615 of life.
“While I remained in this inactivity of sentiment, Lord —, having received a very considerable addition to his fortune, sent a message to me, promising, that if I would leave Lord B—, he would make me a present of a house and furniture, where I should live at my case, without being exposed to his visits, except when I should be disposed to receive them. This proposal he made in consequence of what I had always declared, namely, that if he had not reduced me to the necessity of putting myself under the protection of some person or other, by depriving me of any other means of subsistence, I should never have given the world the least cause to scandalize my reputation; and that I would withdraw myself from my present dependence550, as soon as he should enable me to live by myself. I was therefore resolved to be as good as my word, and accepted his offer, on condition that I should be wholly at my own disposal, and that he should never enter my door but as a visitant or common friend.
“These articles being ratified616 by his word and honour, the value of which I did not then know, a house was furnished according to my directions; and I signified my intention to Lord B—, who consented to my removal, with this proviso, that I should continue to see him. I wrote also to his relation, Mr. B—, who, in his answer, observed, that it was too late to advise, when I was actually determined. All my friends and acquaintance approved of the scheme, though it was one of the most unjustifiable steps I had ever taken, being a real act of ingratitude617 to my benefactor618; which I soon did, and always shall regret and condemn451. So little is the world qualified619 to judge of private affairs!
“When the time of our parting drew near, Lord B— became gloomy and discontented, and even entreated me to postpone my resolution; but I told him, that now everything was prepared for my reception, I could not retract620 without incurring the imputation of folly and extravagance. On the very day of my departure, Mr. B— endeavoured, with all the arguments he could suggest, to dissuade542 me from my purpose; and I made use of the same answer which had satisfied his friend. Finding me determined on removing, he burst out into a flood of tears, exclaiming, “By God! if Lord B— can bear it, I can’t.” I was thunderstruck at this expression; for though I had been told that Mr. B— was in love with me, I gave no credit to the report, because he had never declared his passion, and this was the first hint of it that ever escaped him in my hearing. I was therefore so much amazed at the circumstance of this abrupt621 explanation, that I could make no answer; but having taken my leave, went away, ruminating622 on the unexpected declaration.
“Lord B—, as I was informed, spoke117 not a word that whole night, and took my leaving him so much to heart, that two years elapsed before he got the better of his grief. This intelligence I afterwards received from his own mouth, and asked his forgiveness for my unkind retreat, though I shall never be able to obtain my own. As for Mr. B—, he was overwhelmed with sorrow, and made such efforts to suppress his concern, as had well nigh cost him his life. Dr. S— was called to him in the middle of the night, and found him almost suffocated623. He soon guessed the cause, when he understood that I had left the house. So that I myself was the only person concerned, who was utterly ignorant of his affection; for I solemnly declare he never gave me the least reason to suspect it while I lived with his relation, because he had too much honour to entertain a thought of supplanting624 his friend, and too good an opinion of me to believe he should have succeeded in the attempt. Though my love for Lord B— was not so tender and interesting as the passion I had felt for S—, my fidelity was inviolable, and I never harboured the most distant thought of any other person, till after I had resolved to leave him, when, I own, I afforded some small encouragement to the addresses of a new admirer by telling him, that I should, in a little time, be my own mistress, though I was not now at my own disposal.
“I enjoyed my new house as a little paradise. It was accommodated with all sorts of conveniences; everything was new, and therefore pleasing, and the whole absolutely at my command. I had the company of a relation, a very good woman, with whom I lived in the most amicable625 manner; was visited by the best people in town — I mean those of the male sex, the ladies having long ago forsaken626 me; I frequented all reputable places of public entertainment, and had a concert at home once a week; so that my days rolled on in happiness and quiet, till all my sweets were embittered627 by the vexatious behaviour of my husband, who began to importune628 me again to live with him; and by the increasing anxiety of Lord B—, who, though I still admitted his visits, plainly perceived that I wanted to relinquish his correspondence. This discovery raised such tempests of jealousy and despair within his breast, that he kept me in continual alarm. He sent messages to me every hour, signed his letters with his own blood, raved like a man in ecstasy of madness, railed at my ingratitude, and praised my conduct by turns. He offered to sacrifice everything for my love, to leave the kingdom forthwith, and live with me for ever in any part of the world where I should choose to reside.
“These were generous and tempting629 proposals; but I was beset630 with counsellors who were not totally disinterested, and who dissuaded me from embracing the proffers631 of my lover, on pretence that Lord — would be highly injured by my compliance. I listened to their advice, and hardened my heart against Lord B—‘s sorrow and solicitations. My behaviour on this occasion is altogether unaccountable; this was the only time that ever I was a slave to admonition. The condition of Lord B— would have melted any heart but mine, and yet mine was one of the most sensible. He employed his cousin as an advocate with me, till that gentleman actually refused the office, telling him candidly, that his own inclinations were too much engaged to permit him to perform the task with fidelity and truth. He accordingly resolved to avoid my presence, until my lord and I should come to some final determination, which was greatly retarded632 by the perseverance of his lordship, who would not resign his hopes, even when I pretended that another man had engaged my heart, but said, that in time my affection might return.
“Our correspondence, however, gradually wore off; upon which Mr. B— renewed his visits, and many agreeable and happy hours we passed together. Not that he, or any other person whom I now saw, succeeded to the privilege of a fortunate lover; I knew he loved me to madness; but I would not gratify his passion any other way than by the most profound esteem and veneration for his virtues633, which were altogether amiable and sublime634; and I would here draw his character minutely, but it would take up too much time to set forth his merit; the only, man living of my acquaintance who resembles him, is Lord F—, of whom I shall speak in the sequel.
“About this time I underwent a very interesting change in the situation of my heart. I had sent a message to my old lover S—, desiring he would allow my picture, which was in his possession, to be copied; and he now transmitted it to me by my lawyer, whom he directed to ask, if I intended to be at the next masquerade. This curiosity had a strange effect upon my spirits; my heart fluttered at the question, and my imagination glowed with a thousand fond presages635. I answered in the affirmative; and we met by accident at the ball. I could nut behold him without emotion: when he accosted me, his well-known voice made my heart vibrate, like a musical chord, when its unison636 is struck. All the ideas of our past love, which the lapse56 of time and absence had enfeebled and lulled637 to sleep, now awoke, and were reinspired by his appearance; so that his artful excuses were easily admitted: I forgave him all that I had suffered on his account, because he was the natural lord of my affection; and our former correspondence was renewed.
“I thought myself in a new world of bliss in consequence of this reconciliation, the rapture of which continued unimpaired for the space of four months, during which time he was fonder of me, if possible, than before; repeated his promise of marriage, if we should ever have it in our power; assured me he had never been happy since he left me: that he believed no woman loved like me. And indeed, to have a notion of my passion for that man, you must first have loved as I did. But, through a strange caprice, I broke off the correspondence, out of apprehension that he would forsake me again. From his past conduct I dreaded what might happen; and the remembrance of what I had undergone by his inconstancy, filled my imagination with such horror, that I could not endure the shocking prospect, and prematurely638 plunged myself into the danger, rather than endure the terrors of expectation. I remembered that his former attachment began in the season of my prosperity, when my fortune was in the zenith, and my youth in its prime; and that he had forsaken me in the day of trouble when my life became embarrassed, and my circumstances were on the decline. I foresaw nothing but continual persecution from my husband, and feared, that, once the keener transports of our reconciliation should be over, his affection would sink under the severity of its trial. In consequence of this desertion, I received a letter from him, acknowledging that he was rightly served, but that my retreat gave him inexpressible concern.
“Meanwhile Lord — continued to act in the character of a fiend, tormenting me with his nauseous importunities. He prevailed upon the duke of L— to employ his influence in persuading me to live with him; assuring his grace, that I had actually promised to give him that proof of my obedience639, and that I would come home the sooner for being pressed to compliance by a person of his rank and character. Induced by these representations, the duke honoured me with a visit; and, in the course of his exhortations640, I understood how he had been thus misinformed. Upon which I sent for Lord —, and, in his presence, convicted him of the falsehood, by communicating to his grace the articles of our last agreement, which he did not think proper to deny; and the duke, being undeceived, declared, that he would not have given me the trouble of vindicating641 myself, had he not been misled by the insincerity of my lord.
“Baffled in this attempt, he engaged Mr. H— V—, and afterwards my own father, in the same task; and though I still adhered to my first resolution, persisted with such obstinacy642 in his endeavours to make me unhappy, that I determined to leave the kingdom. Accordingly, after I had spent the evening with him at Ranelagh, I went away about two o’clock in the morning, leaving my companion, with directions to restore to my lord his house, furniture, plate, and everything he had given me since our last accommodation; so far was I, upon this occasion, or at any other time of my life, from embezzling643 any part of his fortune. My friend followed my instructions most punctually: and his lordship knows and will acknowledge the truth of this assertion.
“Thus have I explained the true cause of my first expedition to Flanders, whither the world was good-natured enough to say, I followed Mr. B— and the whole army, which happened to be sent abroad that summer. Before my departure, I likewise transmitted to Lord B— the dressing644 plate, china, and a very considerable settlement, of which he had been generous enough to make me a present. This was an instance of my integrity, which I thought due to a man who had laid me under great obligations; and though I lived to be refused a small sum both by him and S—, I do not repent of my disinterested behaviour; all the revenge I harbour against the last of these lovers, is the desire of having it in my power to do him good.
“I now found myself adrift in the world again, and very richly deserved the hardships of my condition, for my indiscretion in leaving Lord B—, and in trusting to the word of Lord — without some further security; but I have dearly paid for my imprudence. The more I saw into the character of this man, whom destiny hath appointed my scourge645, the more was I determined to avoid his fellowship and communication; for he and I are, in point of disposition, as opposite as any two principles in nature. In the first place, he is one of the most unsocial beings that ever existed; when I was pleased and happy, he was always out of temper; but if he could find means to overcast646 and cloud my mirth, though never so innocent, he then discovered signs of uncommon satisfaction and content, because, by this disagreeable temper, he banished647 all company from his house. He is extremely weak of understanding, though he possesses a good share of low cunning, which has so egregiously imposed upon some people, that they have actually believed him a good-natured easy creature, and blamed me because I did not manage him to better purpose; but, upon further acquaintance, they have always found him obstinate as a mule648, and capricious as a monkey. Not that he is utterly void of all commendable qualities. He is punctual in paying his debts, liberal when in good humour, and would be well-bred, were he not subject to fits of absence, during which he is altogether unconversable; but he is proud, naturally suspicious, jealous, equally with and without cause, never made a friend, and is an utter stranger to the joys of intimacy; in short, he hangs like a damp upon society, and may be properly called Kill-joy, an epithet which he has justly acquired. He honoured me with constant professions of love; but his conduct is so opposite to my sentiments of that passion, as to have been the prime source of all my misfortunes and affliction; and I have often wished myself the object of his hate, in hopes of profiting by a change in his behaviour.
“Indeed, he has not been able to make me more unhappy than I believe he is in his own mind; for he is literally649 a self-tormentor650, who never enjoyed one gleam of satisfaction except at the expense of another’s quiet; and yet with this, I had almost called it diabolical651 quality, he expects that I should cherish him with all the tenderness of affection. After he has been at pains to incur my aversion, he punishes my disgust, by contriving schemes to mortify200 and perplex me, which have often succeeded so effectually, as to endanger my life and constitution; for I have been fretted652 and frighted into sundry fits of illness, and then I own I have experienced his care and concern.
“Over and above the oddities I have mentioned, he is so unsteady in his economy, that he is always new-modelling his affairs, and exhausting his fortune, by laying out ten pounds, in order to save a shilling. He inquires into the character of a servant, after he has lived two years in his family, and is so ridiculously stocked with vanity and self-conceit, that, notwithstanding my assurance before, and the whole series of my conduct since our marriage, which ought to have convinced him of my dislike, he is still persuaded, that, at bottom, I must admire and be enamoured of his agreeable person and accomplishments, and that I would not fail to manifest my love, were I not spirited against him by his own relations. Perhaps it might be their interest to foment654 the misunderstanding betwixt us; but really they give themselves no trouble about our affairs; and, so far as I know them, are a very good sort of people. On the whole, I think I may with justice pronounce my precious yoke-fellow a trifling, teasing, insufferable, inconsistent creature.
“With the little money which remained of what I had received from his lordship for house-keeping, I transported myself to Flanders, and arrived in Ghent a few days after our troops were quartered in that city, which was so much crowded with these new visitants, that I should have found it impracticable to procure a lodging, had I not been accommodated by Lord B—, the duke of A—‘s youngest brother, who very politely gave me up his own. Here I saw my friend Mr. B—, who was overjoyed at my arrival, though jealous of every man of his acquaintance; for he loved me with all the ardour of passion, and I regarded him with all the perfection of friendship, which, had he lived, in time might have produced love; though that was a fruit which it never brought forth. Notwithstanding his earnest solicitations to the contrary, I stayed but a week in Ghent, from whence I proceeded to Brussels, and fixed my abode in the Hotel de Flandre, among an agreeable set of gentlemen and ladies, with whom I spent my time very cheerfully. There was a sort of court in this city, frequented by all the officers who could obtain permission to go thither; and the place in general was gay and agreeable. I was introduced to the best families, and very happy in my acquaintance; for the ladies were polite, good-tempered, and obliging, and treated me with the utmost hospitality and respect. Among others, I contracted a friendship with Madame la comtesse de C— and her two daughters, who were very amiable young ladies; and became intimate with the Princess C— and Countess W—, lady of the bedchamber to the queen of Hungary, and a great favourite of the governor, Monsieur d’H—, in whose house she lived with his wife, who was also a lady of a very engaging disposition.
“Soon after I had fixed my habitation in Brussels, the company at our hotel was increased by three officers, who professed themselves my admirers, and came from Ghent, with a view of soliciting655 my love. This triumvirate consisted of the Scotch earl of —, Lord R-M—, and another young officer. The first was a man of a very genteel figure and amorous complexion, danced well, and had a great deal of good-humour, with a mixture of vanity and self-conceit. The second had a good face, though a clumsy person, and a very sweet disposition, very much adapted for the sentimental656 passion of love. And the third, Mr. W— by name, was tall, thin, and well-bred, with a great stock of good-nature and vivacity. These adventurers began their addresses in general acts of gallantry, that comprehended several of my female friends, with whom we used to engage in parties of pleasure, both in the city and the environs, which are extremely agreeable. When they thought they had taken the preliminary steps of securing themselves in my good opinion and esteem, they agreed to go on without further delay, and that Lord — should make the first attack upon my heart
“He accordingly laid siege to me, with such warmth and assiduity, that I believe he deceived himself, and began to think he was actually in love; though, at bottom, he felt no impulse that deserved the sacred name. Though I discouraged him in the beginning, he persecuted me with his addresses; he always sat by me at dinner, and imparted a thousand trifles in continual whispers, which attracted the notice of the company so much, that I began to fear his behaviour would give rise to some report to my prejudice, and therefore avoided him with the utmost caution. Notwithstanding all my care, however, he found means one night, while my maid, who lay in my room, went downstairs, to get into my chamber after I was abed. Upon which, I started up, and told him, that, if he should approach me, I would alarm the house; for I never wanted courage and resolution. Perceiving my displeasure, he kneeled by the bedside, begged I would have pity on his sufferings, and swore I should have carte blanche to the utmost extent of his fortune. To these proposals I made no other reply, but that of protesting I would never speak to him again, if he did not quit my apartment that moment; upon which he thought proper to withdraw; and I never afterwards gave him an opportunity of speaking to me on the same subject. So that, in a few weeks, he separated himself from our society; though the ladies of Brussels considered him as my lover, because, of all the other officers, he was their greatest favourite.
“His lordship being thus repulsed, Mr. W— took the field, and assailed my heart in a very different manner. He said he knew not how to make love, but was a man of honour, and would keep the secret, and so forth. To this cavalier address I answered, that I was not angry as I otherwise should have been, at his blunt declaration, because I found by his own confession, he did not know what was due to the sex; and my unhappy situation in some shape excused him for a liberty which he would not have dreamed of taking, had not my misfortunes encouraged his presumption657. But I would deal with him in his own way; and, far from assuming the prude, frankly assured him, that he was not at all to my taste, hoping he would consider my dislike as a sufficient reason to reject his love.
“Lord R— began to feel the symptoms of a genuine passion, which he carefully cherished in silence, being naturally diffident and bashful; but, by the very means he used to conceal it from my observation, I plainly discerned the situation of his heart, and was not at all displeased at the progress I had made in his inclinations. Meanwhile he cultivated my acquaintance with great assiduity and respect, attended me in all my excursions, and particularly in an expedition to Antwerp, with two other gentlemen, where, in downright gaiete de coeur, we sat for our pictures, which were drawn in one piece, one of the party being represented in the dress of a hussar, and another in that of a running footman. This incident I mention, because the performance, which is now in my possession, gave birth to a thousand groundless reports circulated in England at our expense.
“It was immediately after this jaunt658 that Lord R— began to disclose his passion; though he, at the same time, started such objections as seemed to extinguish his hopes, lamenting659 that, even if he should have the happiness to engage my affections, his fortune was too inconsiderable to support us against the efforts of Lord —, should he attempt to interrupt our felicity, and that he himself was obliged to follow the motions of the army. In short, he seemed to consider my felicity more than his own, and behaved with such delicacy, as gradually made an impression on my heart. so that, when we parted, we agreed to renew our correspondence in England.
“In the midst of these agreeable amusements, which I enjoyed in almost all the different towns of Flanders, I happened to be at Ghent one day, sitting among a good deal of company, in one of their hotels, when a post-chaise stopped at the gate; upon which we went to the windows to satisfy our curiosity, when who should step out of the convenience, but my little insignificant660 lord! I no sooner announced him to the company, than all the gentlemen asked whether they should stay and protect me, or withdraw; and when I assured them that their protection was not necessary, one and all of them retired; though Lord R— M— went no farther than the parlour below, being determined to screen me against all violence and compulsion. I sent a message to my lord, desiring him to walk up into my apartment; but although his sole errand was to see and carry me off, he would not venture to accept of my invitation, till he had demanded me in form from the governor of the place. That gentleman, being altogether a stranger to his person and character, referred him to the commanding officer of the English troops, who was a man of honour, and, upon his lordship’s application, pretended to doubt his identity; observing, that he had always heard Lord — represented as a jolly, corpulent man. He gave him to understand, however, that even granting him to be the person, I was by no means subject to military law, unless he could prove that I had ever listed in his Majesty’s service.
“Thus disappointed in his endeavours, he returned to the inn, and, with much persuasion661, trusted himself in my dining-room, after having stationed his attendants at the door, in case of accidents. When I asked what had procured me the honour of this visit, he told me, his business and intention were to carry me home. This declaration produced a conference, in which I argued the case with him; and matters were accommodated for the present, by my promising to be in England some time in September, on condition that he would permit me to live by myself, as before, and immediately order the arrears662 of my pin-money to be paid. He assented to everything I proposed, returned in peace to his own country, and the deficiencies of my allowance were made good; while I returned to Brussels, where I stayed until my departure for England, which I regulated in such a manner as was consistent with my engagement.
“I took lodgings in Pall-mall, and, sending for my lord, convinced him of my punctuality, and put him in mind of his promise, when, to my utter astonishment and confusion, he owned, that his promise was no more than a decoy to bring me over, and that I must lay my account with living in his house like a dutiful and obedient wife. I heard him with the indignation such treatment deserved, upbraiding him with his perfidious dealing663, which I told him would have determined me against cohabitation with him had I not been already resolved; and, being destitute664 of all resource, repaired to Bath, where I afterwards met with Mr. D— and Mr. R—, two gentlemen who had been my fellow-passengers in the yacht from Flanders, and treated me with great friendship and politeness, without either talking or thinking of love.
“With these gentlemen, who were as idle as myself, I went to the jubilee665 at Preston, which was no other than a great number of people assembled in a small town, extremely ill-accommodated, to partake of diversions that were bad imitations of plays, concerts, and masquerades. If the world should place to the account of my indiscretion my travelling in this manner with gentlemen to whom I had no particular attachment, let it also be considered, as an alleviation666, that I always lived in terror of my lord, and consequently was often obliged to shift my quarters; so that, my finances being extremely slender, I stood the more in need of assistance and protection. I was, besides, young, inconsiderate, and so simple, as to suppose the figure of an ugly man would always secure me from censure on his account; neither did I ever dream of any man’s addresses, until he made an actual declaration of his love.
“Upon my return to Bath, I was again harassed667 by Lord —, who came thither accompanied by my father, whom I was very glad to see, though he importuned668 me to comply with my husband’s desire, and for the future keep measures with the world. This remonstrance112 about living with my lord, which he constantly repeated, was the only instance of his unkindness which I ever felt. But all his admonitions were not of force sufficient to shake my resolution in that particular; though the debate continued so late, that I told his lordship, it was high time to retire, for I could not accommodate him with a bed. He then gave me to understand, that he would stay where he was; upon which my father took his leave, on pretence of looking out for a lodging for himself. The little gentleman being now left with me, began to discover some signs of apprehension in his looks; but, mustering669 up all his resolution, he went to the door, called up three of his servants, whom he placed as sentinels upon the stairs, and flounced into my elbow-chair, where he resigned himself to rest. Intending to go to bed, I thought it was but just and decent that I should screen myself from the intrusion of his footmen, and with that view bolted the door. Lord —, hearing himself locked in, started up in the utmost terror and consternation, kicked the door with his heel, and screamed aloud, as if he had been in the hands of an assassin. My father, who had not yet quitted the house, hearing these outcries, ran upstairs again, and, coming through my bedchamber into the dining-room where we were, found me almost suffocated with laughter, and his heroic son-in-law staring like one who had lost his wits, with his hair standing on end.
“When my father asked the meaning of his exclamations, he told him, with all the symptoms of dismay, that I had locked him in, and he did not understand such usage. But I explained the whole mystery, by saying, I had bolted the door because I did not like the company of his servants, and could not imagine the cause of his panic, unless he thought I designed to ravish him; an insult than which nothing was farther from my intention. My father himself could scarce refrain from laughing at his ridiculous fear; but, seeing him in great confusion, took pity on his condition, and carried him off to his own lodgings, after I had given my word that I would not attempt to escape, but give him audience next morning. I accordingly kept my promise, and found means to persuade them to leave me at my own discretion. Next day I was rallied upon the stratagem I had contrived to frighten Lord —; and a thousand idle stories were told about this adventure, which happened literally as I have related it.
“From Bath I betook myself to a small house near Lincoln, which I had hired of the d — of A—, because a country life suited best with my income, which was no more than four hundred pounds a year, and that not well paid. I continued some months in this retirement, and saw no company, except Lord R— M—, who lived in the neighbourhood, and visited me twice; till, finding myself indisposed, I was obliged to remove to London, and took lodgings in Maddox-street, where my garrison670 was taken by storm by my Lord — and his steward, reinforced by Mr. L— V— (who, as my lord told me, had a subsidy671 of five-and-twenty pounds before he would take the field) and a couple of hardy672 footmen. This formidable band rushed into my apartment, laid violent hands upon me, dragged me down-stairs without gloves or a cloak, and, thrusting me into a coach that stood at the door, conveyed me to my lord’s lodgings in Gloucester-street. Upon this occasion, his lordship courageously673 drew his sword upon my woman, who attempted to defend me from his insults, and, in all probability, would have intimidated674 him from proceeding; for he looked pale and aghast, his knees knocked together, and he breathed thick and hard, with his nostrils675 dilated676, as if he had seen a ghost; but he was encouraged by his mercenary associate, who, for the five-and-twenty pounds, stood by him in the day of trouble, and spirited him on to this gallant enterprise.
“In consequence of this exploit, I was cooped up in a paltry apartment in Gloucester-street, where I was close beset by his lordship and his worthy steward Mr. H—, with a set of servants that were the creatures of this fellow, of whom my lord himself stood in awe472, so that I could not help thinking myself in Newgate, among thieves and ruffians. To such a degree did my terror avail, that I actually believed I was in danger of being poisoned, and would not receive any sustenance677, except from the hands of one harmless-looking fellow, a foreigner, who, was my lord’s valet-de-chambre. I will not pretend to say my fears were just; but such was my opinion of H—, that I never doubted he would put me out of the way, if he thought my life interfered679 with his interest. On the second day of my imprisonment680, I was visited by the duke of L—, a friend of my lord, who found me sitting upon a trunk, in a poor little diningroom filled with lumber681, and lighted with two bits of tallow candle, which had been left overnight. He perceived in my face a mixture of rage, indignation, terror, and despair. He compassionated682 my sufferings, though he could not alleviate683 my distress any other way than by interceding684 with my tyrant685 to mitigate my oppression. Nevertheless, I remained eleven days in this uncomfortable situation: I was watched like a criminal all day, and one of the servants walked from one room to another all night, in the nature of a patrol; while my lord, who lay in the chamber above me, got out of bed and tripped to the window at the sound of every coach that chanced to pass through the street. H—, who was consummate in the arts of a sycophant686, began to court my favour, by condoling687 my affliction, and assuring me, that the only method by which I could regain688 my liberty was a cheerful compliance with the humour of my lord. I was fully convinced of the truth of this observation; and, though my temper is altogether averse689 to dissimulation, attempted to affect an air of serenity690 and resignation. But this disguise, I found, would not answer my purpose; and therefore I had recourse to the assistance of my maid, who was permitted to attend me in my confinement691. With her I frequently consulted about the means of accomplishing my escape. In consequence of our deliberations, she directed a coach and six to be ready at a certain part of the town, and to wait for me three days in the same place, in case I could not come before the expiration of that term.
“This previous measure being taken according to my instructions, the next necessary step was to elude the vigilance of my guard: and in this manner did I effectuate my purpose. Being by this time indulged in the liberty of going out in the coach for the benefit of the air, attended by two footmen, who had orders to watch all my motions, I made use of this privilege one forenoon, when Lord — expected some company to dinner, and bade the coachman drive to the lodgings of a man who wrote with his mouth, intending to give my spies the slip, on pretence of seeing this curiosity; but they were too alert in their duty to be thus outwitted, and followed me up-stairs into the very apartment.
“Disappointed in this hope, I resolved another scheme, which was attended with success. I bought some olives at an oil-shop; and, telling the servants I would proceed to St. James’s-gate, and take a turn in the park, broke one of the bottles by the way, complained of the misfortune when I was set down, and desired my coach might be cleaned before my return. While my attendants were employed in this office, I tripped across the Parade to the Horse Guards, and chanced to meet with an acquaintance in the park, who said, he saw by my countenance that I was upon some expedition. I owned his suspicion was just, but, as I had not time to relate particulars, I quickened my pace, and took possession of a hackney-coach, in which I proceeded to the vehicle I had appointed to be in waiting.
“While I thus compassed my escape, there was nothing but perplexity and confusion at home; dinner was delayed till six o’clock; my lord ran half the town over in quest of his equipage, which at last returned, with an account of my elopement. My maid was brought to the question, and grievously threatened; but, like all the women I ever had, remained unshaken in her fidelity. In the meantime, I travelled night and day towards my retreat in Lincolnshire, of which his lordship had not, as yet, got the least intelligence; and as my coachman was but an inexperienced driver, I was obliged to make use of my own skill in that exercise, and direct his endeavours the whole way, without venturing to go to bed, or take the least repose, until I reached my own habitation. There I lived in peace and tranquility for the space of six weeks, when I was alarmed by one of my lord’s myrmidons, who came into the neighbourhood, blustering692 and swearing that he would carry me off either dead or alive.
“It is not to be supposed that I was perfectly easy when I was made acquainted with his purpose and declaration, as my whole family consisted of no more than a couple of women and one footman. However, I summoned up my courage, which had been often tried, and never forsook me in the day of danger; and sent him word, that, if ever he should presume to approach my house, I would order him to be shot without ceremony. The fellow did not choose to put me to the trial, and returned to town without his errand: but as the place of my abode was now discovered, I laid my account with having a visit from his employer; I therefore planted spies upon the road, with a promise of reward to him who should bring me the first intelligence of his lordship’s approach.
“Accordingly, I was one morning apprised of his coming, and, mounting horse immediately, with my woman and valet, away we rode, in defiance of winter. In two days I traversed the wilds of Lincolnshire and hundreds of Essex, crossed the river at Tilbury, breakfasted at Chatham, by the help of a guide and moonlight arrived at Dover the same evening, embarked for Calais, in which place I found myself next day at two o’clock in the afternoon; and being heartily tired with my journey, betook myself to rest. My maid, who was not able to travel with such expedition, followed me at an easier pace; and the footman was so astonished at my perseverance, that he could not help asking me upon the road, if ever I was weary in my life. Certain it is, my spirits and resolution have enabled me to undergo fatigues693 that are almost incredible. From Calais I went to Brussels, where I again set up my rest in private lodgings; was again perfectly well received by the fashionable people of that place; and, by the interest of my friends, obtained the queen of Hungary’s protection against the persecution of my husband, while I should reside in the Austrian Netherlands. Thus secured, I lived uncensured, conversing694 with the English company, with which this city was crowded; but spent the most agreeable part of my time with the countess of Calemberg, in whose house I generally dined and supped. And I also contracted an intimacy with the princess of Chemay, who was a great favourite with Madame d’Harrach, the governor’s lady.
“I had not been long in this happy situation, when I was disturbed by the arrival of Lord —, who demanded me of the governor; but finding me sheltered from his power, he set out for Vienna; and, in consequence of his representations, strengthened with the duke of N—‘s name, my protection was withdrawn695. But, before this application, he had gone to the camp, and addressed himself to my Lord Stair, who was my particular friend and ally by my first marriage, desiring he would compel me to return to his house. His lordship told him, that I was in no shape subject to his command; but invited him to dinner, with a view of diverting himself and company at the expense of his guest. In the evening, he was plied with so many bumpers696 to my health, that he became intoxicated697, and extremely obstreperous698, insisted upon seeing Lord Stair after he was retired to rest, and quarrelled with Lord D—, who being a tall, large, raw-boned Scotchman, could have swallowed him at one mouthful; but he thought he might venture to challenge him, in hopes of being put under arrest by the general. Though he reckoned without his host; Lord Stair knew his disposition, and, in order to punish his presumption, winked699 at the affair. The challenger, finding himself mistaken in his conjecture, got up early in the morning, and went off post for Vienna. And Lord Stair desired a certain man of quality to make me a visit, and give me an account of his behaviour.
“Being now deprived of my protection and pin-money, which my generous husband would no longer pay, I was reduced to great difficulty and distress. The duchess d’Aremberg, Lord G—, and many other persons of distinction, interceded700 in my behalf with his Majesty, who was then abroad; but he refused to interpose between man and wife. The countess of Calemberg wrote a letter to my father, in which she represented my uncomfortable situation, and undertook to answer for my conduct, in case he would allow me a small annuity701, on which I could live independent of Lord —, who, by all accounts, was a wretch with whom I could never enjoy the least happiness or quiet, otherwise she would be the first to advise me to an accommodation. She gave him to understand, that her character was neither doubtful nor obscure; and that, if my conduct there had not been irreproachable, she should not have taken me under her protection. That, as I proposed to board in a convent, a small sum would answer my occasions; but, if that should be denied, I would actually go to service, or take some other desperate step, to avoid the man who was my bane and aversion.
“To this kind remonstrance my father answered that his fortune would not allow him to assist me; he had now a young family; and that I ought, at all events, to return to my husband. By this time, such was the extremity of my circumstances, that I was forced to pawn702 my clothes, and every trifling trinket in my possession, and even to descend58 so far as to solicit373 Mr. S— for a loan of fifty pounds, which he refused. Thus was I deserted703 in my distress by two persons, to whom, in the season of my affluence, my purse had been always open. Nothing so effectually subdues704 a spirit unused to supplicate705, as want. Repulsed in this manner, I had recourse to Lord B—, who was also, it seems, unable to relieve my necessities. This mortification I deserved at his hands, though he had once put it in my power to be above all such paltry applications; and I should not have been compelled to the disagreeable task of troubling my friends, had not I voluntarily resigned what he formerly gave me. As to the other gentleman to whom I addressed myself on this occasion, I think he might have shown more regard to my situation, not only for the reasons already mentioned, but because he knew me too well to be ignorant of what I must have suffered in condescending706 to make such a request.
“Several officers, who guessed my adversity, generously offered to supply me with money; but I could not bring myself to make use of their friendship, or even to own my distress, except to one person, of whom I borrowed a small sum. To crown my misfortunes, I was taken very ill, at a time when there was no other way of avoiding the clutches of my persecutor707 but by a precipitate flight. In this emergency, I applied708 to a worthy gentleman of Brussels, a very good friend of mine, but no lover. I say no lover, because every man is supposed to act in that capacity who befriends a young woman in distress. This generous Fleming set out with me in the night from Brussels, and conducted me to the frontier of France. Being very much indisposed both in mind and body when I was obliged to undertake this expedition, I should in all probability have sunk under the fatigue of travelling, had not my spirits been kept up by the conversation of my companion, who was a man of business and consequence, and undertook to manage my affairs in such a manner as would enable me to re-establish my residence in the place I had left. He was young and active, attended me with the utmost care and assiduity, and left nothing undone709 which he thought would contribute to my ease and satisfaction. I believe his friendship for me was a little tinctured with another passion; but he was married, and lived very well with his wife, who was also my friend; so that he knew I would never think of him in the light of a lover.
“Upon our arrival at Valenciennes, he accommodated me with a little money, for a little was all I would take, and returned to his own city, after we had settled a correspondence by letters. I was detained a day or two in this place by my indisposition, which increased; but, nevertheless, proceeded to Paris, to make interest for a protection from the king of France, which that monarch710 graciously accorded me, in three days after my first application, and his minister sent orders to all the governors and intendants of the province towns, to protect me against the efforts of Lord —, in whatever place I should choose to reside.
“Having returned my thanks at Versailles for this favour, and tarried a few days at Paris, which was a place altogether unsuitable to the low ebb711 of my fortune, I repaired to Lisle, where I intended to fix my habitation; and there my disorder recurred with such violence, that I was obliged to send for a physician, who seemed to have been a disciple712 of Sangrado; for he scarce left a drop of blood in my body, and yet I found myself never a whit34 the better. Indeed, I was so much exhausted by these evacuations, and my constitution so much impaired532 by fatigue and perturbation of mind, that I had no other hope of recovering but that of reaching England, and putting myself under the direction of a physician on whose ability I could depend.
“With this doubtful prospect, therefore, I determined to attempt a return to my native air, and actually departed from Lisle, in such a melancholy, enfeebled condition, that I had almost fainted when I was put into the coach. But before I resolved upon this journey, I was reduced to the utmost exigence of fortune, so that I could scarce afford to buy provisions, had it been in my power to eat, and should not have been able to defray my travelling expenses, had I not been generously befriended by Lord R— H—, who, I am sure, would have done anything for my case and accommodation, though he has unjustly incurred the imputation of being parsimonious713, and I had no reason to expect any such favour at his hands.
“In this deplorable state of health I was conveyed to Calais, being all the way, as it were, in the arms of death, without having swallowed the least sustenance on the road. So much was my indisposition augmented by the fatigue of the journey, that I swooned when I was brought into the inn, and had almost expired before I could receive the least assistance or advice. However, my spirits were a little revived by some bread and wine, which I took at the persuasion of a French surgeon, who, chancing to pass by the door, was called up to my relief. Having sent my servant to Brussels, to take care of my clothes, I embarked in the packet-boat, and by the time we arrived at Dover was almost in extremity.
“Here I found a return coach, in which I was carried to London, and was put to bed at the house we put up at, more dead than alive. The people of the inn sent for an apothecary714, who administered some cordial that recalled me to life; and, when I recovered the use of speech, I told him who I was, and desired him to wait upon Dr. S—, and inform him of my situation. A young girl, who was niece to the landlord’s wife, seeing me unattended, made a tender of her service to me, and I accepted the offer, as well as of a lodging in the apothecary’s house, to which I was conveyed as soon as my strength would admit of my removal. There I was visited by my physician, who was shocked to find me in such a dangerous condition. However, having considered my case, he perceived that my indisposition proceeded from the calamities715 I had undergone, and encouraged me with the hope of a speedy cure, provided I could be kept easy and undisturbed. I was accordingly attended with all imaginable care; my lord’s name being never mentioned in my hearing, because I considered him as the fatal source of all my misfortunes; and in a month I recovered my health, by the great skill and tenderness of my doctor, who now finding me strong enough to encounter fresh troubles, endeavoured to persuade me, that it would be my wisest step to return to my husband, whom at that time he had often occasion to see. But I rejected his proposal, commencing a new lawsuit716 for separation, and took a small house in St. James’s-square.
“About this time my woman returned from Brussels, but without my clothes, which were detained on account of the money I owed in that place; and, asking her dismission from my service, set up shop for herself. I had not lived many weeks in my new habitation, when my persecutor renewed his attempts to make himself master of my person; but I had learned from experience to redouble my vigilance, and he was frustrated in all his endeavours. I was again happy in the conversation of my former acquaintance, and visited by a great number of gentlemen, mostly persons of probity717 and sense, who cultivated my friendship, without any other motive of attachment. Not that I was unsolicited on the article of love. That was a theme on which I never wanted orators718; and could I have prevailed upon myself to profit by the advances that were made, I might have managed my opportunities so as to have set fortune at defiance for the future. But I was none of these economists719 who can sacrifice their hearts to interested considerations.
“One evening, while I was conversing with three or four of my friends, my lawyer came in, and told me he had something of consequence to impart; upon which all the gentlemen but one went away. Then he gave me to understand, that my suit would immediately come to trial; and, though he hoped the best, the issue was uncertain. That, if it should be given against me, the decision would inspire my lord with fresh spirits to disturb my peace, and, therefore, it would be convenient for me to retire, until the affair should be brought to a determination.
“I was very much disconcerted at this intelligence; and the gentleman who stayed, perceiving my concern, asked what I intended to do, or if he could serve me in any shape, and desired to know whither I proposed to retreat. I affected to laugh, and answered, “To a garret, I believe.” To this overstrained reasoning he replied, that if I should, his friendship and regard would find the way to my apartment; and I had no reason to doubt the sincerity of his declaration. We consulted about the measures I should take, and I determined to remove into the country, where I was soon favoured with a letter from him, wherein he expressed the infinite pleasure he had in being able to assure me that my suit had been successful, and that I might appear again with great safety.
“Accordingly, I returned to town in his coach and six, which he had sent for my convenience, and the same evening went with him to the masquerade, where we passed the night very agreeably, his spirits, as well as mine, being elevated to a joyous pitch by the happy event of my process. This gentleman was a person of great honour, worth, and good-nature; he loved me extremely, but did not care that I should know the extent of his passion. On the contrary, he endeavoured to persuade me, he had laid it down as a maxim, that no woman should ever have power enough over his heart to give him the least pain or disquiet. In short, he had made a progress in my affection, and to his generosity was I indebted for my subsistence two whole years; during which, he was continually professing720 this philosophic721 indifference, while, at the same time, he was giving me daily assurances of his friendship and esteem, and treated me with incessant722 marks of the most passionate love; so that I concluded his intention was cold, though his temper was warm. Considering myself as an encumbrance723 upon his fortune, I redoubled my endeavours to obtain a separate maintenance from my lord, and removed from St. James’s-square to lodgings at Kensington, where I had not long enjoyed myself in tranquility, before I was interrupted by a very unexpected visit.
“While I was busy one day dressing in my dining-room, I found his lordship at my elbow before I was aware of his approach, although his coach was at the door, and the house already in the possession of his servants. He accosted me in the usual style, as if we had parted the night before; and I answered him with an appearance of the same careless familiarity, desiring him to sit down, while I retreated to my chamber, locked the door, and fairly went to bed; being perhaps the first woman who went thither for protection from the insults of a man. Here, then. I immured724 myself with my faithful Abigail. My lord finding me secured, knocked at the door, and through the keyhole begged to be admitted, assuring me that all he wanted was a conference. I desired to be excused, though I believed his assurance; but I had no inclination to converse207 with him, because I knew from experience the nature of his conversation, which was so disagreeable and tormenting, that I would have exchanged it at any time for a good beating, and thought myself a gainer by the bargain. However, he persisted in his importunities to such a degree, that I assented to his proposal, on condition that the duke of L— should be present at the interview: and he immediately sent a message for his grace, while I, in peace, ate my breakfast, conveyed in a basket, which was hoisted725 up to the window of my bedchamber.
“The duke was so kind as to come at my lord’s request, and, before I would open the door, gave me his word, that I should be protected from all violence and compulsion. Thus assured, they were permitted to enter. My little gentleman, sitting down by my bedside, began to repeat the old hackneyed arguments he had formerly used, with a view of inducing me to live with him; and I, on my side, repeated my former objections, or pretended to listen to his representations, while my imagination was employed in contriving the means of effecting an escape, as the duke easily perceived by my countenance.
“Finding all his remonstrances ineffectual, he quitted the chamber, and left his cause to the eloquence of his grace, who sat with me a whole half-hour, without exerting himself much in behalf of his client, because he knew I was altogether obstinate and determined on that score; but joked upon the behaviour of his lordship, who, though jealous of most people, had left him alone with me in my bedchamber, observing, that he must neither have great confidence in his virtue, or a very bad opinion of him otherwise. In short, I found means to defer the categorical answer till next day, and invited the duke and his lordship to dine with me to-morrow. My wise yoke-fellow seemed to doubt the sincerity of this invitation, and was very much disposed to keep possession of my house. But, by the persuasion of his grace, and the advice of H—, who was his chief counsellor and back, he was prevailed upon to take my word, and for the present left me.
“They were no sooner retired, than I rose with great expedition, packed up my clothes, and took shelter in Essex for the first time. Next day, my lord and his noble friend came to dinner, according to appointment; and being informed of my escape by my woman, whom I left in the house, his lordship discovered some signs of discontent, and insisted upon seeing my papers; upon which my maid produced a parcel of bills which I owed to different people. Notwithstanding this disappointment, he sat down to what was provided for dinner, and with great deliberation ate up a leg of lamb, the best part of a fowl726, and something else, which I do not now remember; and then very peaceably went away, giving my maid an opportunity of following me to the place of my retreat.
“My intention was to have sought refuge, as formerly, in another country; but I was prevented from putting my design in execution by a fit of illness, during which I was visited by my physician and some of my own relations, particularly a distant cousin of mine, whom my lord had engaged in his interests, by promising to recompense her amply, if she could persuade me to comply with his desire. In this office she was assisted by the doctor, who was my friend, and a man of sense, for whom I have the most perfect esteem, though he and I have often differed in point of opinion. In a word, I was exposed to the incessant importunities of all my acquaintance, which, added to the desperate circumstances of my fortune, compelled me to embrace the terms that were offered, and I again returned to the domestic duties of a wife.
“I was conducted to my lord’s house by an old friend of mine, a gentleman turned of fifty, of admirable parts and understanding; he was a pleasing companion, cheerful and humane727, and had acquired a great share of my esteem and respect. In a word, his advice had great weight in my deliberations, because it seemed to be the result of experience and disinterested friendship. Without all doubt, he had an unfeigned concern for my welfare; but, being an admirable politician, his scheme was to make my interest coincide with his own inclinations; for I had, unwittingly, made an innovation upon his heart; and as he thought I should hardly favour his passion while I was at liberty to converse with the rest of my admirers, he counselled me to surrender that freedom, well knowing that my lord would be easily persuaded to banish all his rivals from the house; in which case, he did not doubt of his being able to insinuate575 himself into my affections; because he laid it down as an eternal truth, that, if any two persons of different sexes were obliged to live together in a desert, where they would be excluded from all other human intercourse, they would naturally and inevitably728 contract an inclination for each other.
“How just this hypothesis might be, I leave to the determination of the curious; though, if I may be allowed to judge from my own disposition, a couple so situated729 would be apt to imbibe730 mutual disgusts from the nature and necessity of their union, unless their association was at first the effect of reciprocal affection and esteem. Be this as it will, I honour the gentleman for his plan, which was ingeniously contrived, and artfully conducted; but I happened to have too much address for him in the sequel, cunning as he was, though at first I did not perceive his drift; and his lordship was much less likely to comprehend his meaning.
“Immediately after this new accommodation, I was carried to a country house belonging to my lord, and was simple enough to venture myself, unattended by any servant on whose integrity I could depend, in the hands of his lordship, and H—, whose villainy I always dreaded; though, at this time, my apprehensions were considerably731 increased by recollecting732, that it was not his interest to let me live in the house, lest his conduct should be inquired into; and by remembering that the very house to which we were going had been twice burnt down in a very short space of time, not without suspicion of his having been the incendiary, on account of some box of writings which was lost in the conflagration733. True it is, this imputation was never made good; and, perhaps, he was altogether innocent of the charge, which nevertheless affected my spirits in such a manner, as rendered me the most miserable of all mortals. In this terror did I remain, till my consternation was awakened734 by the arrival of Mr. B—, a good-natured worthy man, whom my lord had invited to his house, and I thought would not see me ill-used. In a few weeks we were joined by Dr. S— and his lady, who visited us according to their promise; and it was resolved that we should set out for Tunbridge, on a party of pleasure, and at our return examine H—‘s accounts.
“This last part of our scheme was not at all relished by our worthy steward, who therefore determined to overturn our whole plan, and succeeded accordingly. My lord, all of a sudden, declared himself against the jaunt we had projected, and insisted upon my staying at home, without assigning any reason for this peremptory735 behaviour; his countenance being cloudy, and, for the space of three days, he did not open his mouth. At last, he one night entered my bedchamber, to which he now had free access, with his sword under his arm, and, if I remember aright, it was ready drawn. I could not help taking notice of this alarming circumstance, which shocked me the more, as it happened immediately after a gloomy fit of discontent. However, I seemed to overlook the incident, and, dismissing my maid, went to bed; because I was ashamed to acknowledge, even to my own heart, any dread146 of a person whom I despised so much. However, the strength of my constitution was not equal to the fortitude of my mind. I was taken ill, and the servants were obliged to be called up; while my lord himself, terrified at my situation, ran upstairs to Mrs. S—, who was in bed, told her, with evident perturbation of spirits, that I was very much indisposed, and said, he believed I was frightened by his entering my chamber with his sword in hand.
“This lady was so startled at his information, that she ran into my apartment half naked, and as she went down-stairs, asked what reason could induce him to have carried his sword with him. Upon which he gave her to understand, that his intention was to kill the bats. I believe and hope he had no other design than that of intimidating736 me; but when the affair happened, I was of a different opinion. Mrs. S—, having put on her clothes, sat up all night by my bedside, and was so good as to assure me that she would not leave me until I should be safely delivered from the apprehensions that surrounded me in this house, to which she and the doctor had been the principal cause of my coming; for my lord had haunted and importuned them incessantly737 on this subject, protesting that he loved me with the most inviolable affection; and all he desired was, that I would sit at his table, manage his family, and share his fortune. By these professions, uttered with an air of honesty and good-nature, he had imposed himself upon them for the best tempered creature upon earth; and they used all their influence with me to take him into favour. This has been the case with a great many people, who had but a superficial knowledge of his disposition; but, in the course of their acquaintance, they have never failed to discern and acknowledge their mistake.
“The doctor, on his return from Tunbridge, to which place he had made a trip by himself, found me ill abed, and the whole family in confusion. Surprised and concerned at this disorder, he entered into expostulation with my lord, who owned, that the cause of his displeasure and disquiet was no other than jealousy. He had informed him, that I had been seen to walk out with Mr. Bal — in a morning; and that our correspondence had been observed, with many additional circumstances, which were absolutely false and groundless. This imputation was no sooner understood, than it was resolved that the accuser should be examined in presence of us all. He accordingly appeared, exceedingly drunk, though it was morning, and repeated the articles of the charge, as an information he had received from a man who came from town to hang the bells, and was long ago returned to London.
“This was an instance of his cunning and address, which did not forsake him even in his hours of intoxication738. Had he fixed the calumny739 on any one of the servants, he would have been confronted and detected in his falsehood. Nevertheless, though he could not be legally convicted, it plainly appeared that he was the author of this defamation740, which incensed Mr. Bal — to such a degree, that he could scarce be withheld741 from punishing him on the spot, by manual chastisement742. However, he was prevailed upon to abstain743 from such immediate vengeance, as a step unworthy of his character; and the affair was brought to this issue, that his lordship should either part with me or Mr. H—; for I was fully determined against living under the same roof with such an incendiary.
“This alternative being proposed, my lord dismissed his steward, and we returned to town with the doctor and Mrs. S—; for I had imbibed744 such horror and aversion for this country seat, though one of the pleasantest in England, that I could not bear to live in it. We therefore removed to a house in Bond-street, where, according to the advice of my friends, I exerted my whole power and complaisance in endeavours to keep my husband in good-humour, but was so unsuccessful in my attempts, that, if ever he was worse tempered, more capricious, or intolerable, at one time than at another, this was the season in which his ill-humour predominated in the most rancorous degree. I was scarce ever permitted to stir abroad, saw nobody at home, but my old male friend, whom I have mentioned above; and the doctor, with his lady, from whose conversation, also, I was at last excluded.
“Nevertheless, I contrived to steal a meeting now and then with my late benefactor, for whom I entertained a great share of affection, exclusive of that gratitude that was due to his generosity. It was not his fault that I compromised matters with my lord; for he was as free of his purse as I was unwilling to use it. It would, therefore, have been unfriendly, unkind, and ungrateful in me, now that I was in affluence, to avoid all intercourse with a man who had supported me in adversity. I think people cannot be too shy and scrupulous in receiving favours; but once they are conferred, they ought never to forget the obligation. And I was never more concerned at any incident of my life, than at hearing that this gentleman did not receive a letter, in which I acknowledged the last proof of his friendship and liberality which I had occasion to use, because I have since learned that he suspected me of neglect.
“But to return to my situation in Bond-street. I bore it as well as I could for the space of three months, during which I lived in the midst of spies, who were employed to watch my conduct, and underwent every mortification that malice745, power, and folly could inflict219. Nay, so ridiculous, so unreasonable was my tyrant in his spleen, that he declared he would even be jealous of Heydigger, if there was no other man to incur his suspicion: he expected that I should spend my whole time with him tete-a-tete; when I sacrificed my enjoyment to these comfortable parties, he never failed to lay hold on some innocent expression of mine, which he made the foundation of a quarrel; and, when I strove to avoid these disagreeable misinterpretations by reading or writing, he incessantly teased and tormented me with the imputation of being peevish746, sullen, and reserved.
“Harassed by this insufferable behaviour, I communicated my case to Dr. S— and his lady, intimating that I neither could nor would expose myself any longer to such usage. The doctor exhorted747 me to bear my fate with patience; and Mrs. S— was silent on the subject; so that I still hesitated between staying and going, when the doctor, being one night at supper, happened to have some words with my lord, who was so violently transported with passion, that I was actually afraid of going to bed with him; and next morning, when he awakened, there was such an expression of frantic wildness in his countenance, that I imagined he was actually distracted.
“This alarming circumstance confirmed me in my resolution of decamping; and I accordingly moved my quarters to a house in Sackville-street, where I had lodged when I was a widow. From thence I sent a message to the duke of L—, desiring he would make my lord acquainted with the place of my abode, my reasons for removing, and my intention to defend myself against all his attempts. The first night of this separation I went to bed by myself with as much pleasure as a man would feel in going to bed to his mistress whom he had long solicited in vain, so rejoiced was I to be delivered from my obnoxious748 bedfellow!
“From these lodgings I soon moved to Brook-street, where I had not long enjoyed the sweets of my escape, when I was importuned to return, by a new steward whom my lord had engaged in the room of H—. This gentleman, who bore a very fair character, made such judicious583 representations, and behaved so candidly in the discharge of his function, that I agreed he should act as umpire in the difference betwixt us, and once more a reconciliation was effected, though his lordship began to be dissatisfied even before the execution of our agreement; in consequence of which he attended me to Bath, whither I went for the benefit of my health, which was not a little impaired.
“This accommodation had a surprising effect upon my lover, who, notwithstanding his repeated declarations, that no woman should ever gain such an ascendancy749 over his heart as to be able to give him pain, suffered all the agonies of disappointed love, when he now found himself deprived of the opportunities of seeing me, and behaved very differently from what he had imagined he should. His words and actions were desperate: one of his expressions to me was, “It is like twisting my heart-strings, and tearing it out of my body.” Indeed, I never should have acted this part had I foreseen what he would have suffered; but I protest I believed him, when he said otherwise, so much, that his declaration on that subject was the occasion of my giving him up; and it was now too late to retract.
“In our expedition to Bath, I was accompanied by a very agreeable young lady, with whom I passed my time very happily, amid the diversions of the place, which screened me, in a good measure, from the vexatious society of my hopeful partner. From this place we repaired to his seat in the country, where we spent a few months, and thence returned again to our house in Bond-street. Here, while I was confined to my bed by illness, it was supposed my indisposition was no other than a private lying-in, though I was under the roof with my lord, and attended by his servants.
“While the distemper continued, my lord, to do him justice, behaved with all imaginable tenderness and care; and his concern on these occasions I have already mentioned as a strange inconsistency in his disposition. If his actions were at all accountable, I should think he took pains to fret653 me into a fever first, in order to manifest his love and humanity afterwards. When I recovered my strength and spirits, I went abroad, saw company, and should have been easy, had he been contented; but as my satisfaction increased, his good-humour decayed, and he banished from his house, one by one, all the people whose conversation could have made my life agreeable.
“I often expostulated with him on his malignant750 behaviour, protesting my desire of living peaceably with him, and begging he would not lay me under the necessity of changing my measures. He was deaf to all my remonstrances, though I warned him more than once of the event, persisted in his maxims of persecution; and, after repeated quarrels, I again left his house fully determined to suffer all sorts of extremity, rather than subject myself to the tyranny of his disposition.
“This year was productive of one fatal event, which I felt with the utmost sensibility of sorrow, and I shall always remember with regret:— I mean the death of Mr. B—, with whom I had constantly maintained an intimate correspondence since the first commencement of our acquaintance. He was one of the most valuable men, and promised to be one of the brightest ornaments751 that this or any other age had produced. I enjoyed his friendship without reserve; and such was the confidence he reposed752 in my integrity, from long experience of my truth, that he often said he would believe my bare assertion, even though it should contradict the evidence of his own senses. These being the terms upon which we lived, it is not to be supposed that I bore the loss of him without repining. Indeed, my grief was unspeakable; and, though the edge of it be now smoothed by the lenient753 hand of time, I shall never cease to cherish his memory with the most tender remembrance.
“During the last period of my living with my lord, I had agreed to the expediency754 of obtaining an act of parliament, which would enable him to pay his debts; on which occasion there was a necessity of cancelling a deed that subsisted between us, relating to a separate maintenance, to which, on certain provisions, I was entitled; and this was to be set aside, so far as it interfered with the above-mentioned scheme, while the rest of it should remain in force. When this affair was about to be transacted755, my lord very generously insisted upon my concurrence in annulling756 the whole settlement; and, when I refused to comply with this demand, because this was the sole resource I had against his ill-usage, he would not proceed in the execution of his plan, though, by dropping it, he hurt nobody but himself; and he accused me of having receded757 from my word, after I had drawn him into considerable expense.
“This imputation of breaking my word, which I defy the whole world to prove I ever did, incensed me the more, as I myself had proposed the scheme for his service, although I knew the accomplishment of it would endanger the validity of my own settlement; and my indignation was still more augmented by the behaviour of Mr. G—, who had always professed a regard for my interest, and upon my last accommodation with my lord, undertaken to effect a reconciliation between my father and me; but, when he was questioned about the particulars of this difference, and desired to declare whether his lordship or I was to blame, he declined the office of arbitrator, refused to be explicit758 upon the subject, and by certain shrewd hums and ha’s, signified his disapprobation of my conduct. Yet this very man, when I imparted to him, in confidence, my intention of making another retreat, and frankly asked his opinion of my design, seemed to acquiesce in the justice of it in these remarkable words: “Madam, if I thought or had hopes of my lord growing better, I would down on my knees to desire you to stay; but, as I have not, I say nothing.”
“If he connived759 at my conduct in this particular, why should he disapprove85 of it when all I asked was but common justice? But he was a dependant760; and therefore I excuse his phlegmatic761, not to call it unfriendly, behaviour. Indeed, he could not be too cautious of giving offence to his lordship, who sometimes made him feel the effects of that wrath762 which other people had kindled763; particularly in consequence of a small adventure which happened about this very period of time.
“A very agreeable, sprightly, good-natured young man, a near relation of my lord, happening to be at our house one evening, when there was a fire in the neighbourhood, we agreed to go and sup at the tavern en famille; and, having spent the evening with great mirth and good-humour, this young gentleman, who was naturally facetious764, in taking his leave, saluted765 us all round. My lord, who had before entertained some jealousy of his kinsman, was very much provoked by this trifling incident, but very prudently766 suppressed his displeasure till he returned to his own house, where his rage co-operating with the champagne767 he had drunk, inflamed him to such a degree of resolution, that he sprang upon the innocent G—, and collared him with great fury, though he was altogether unconcerned in the cause of his indignation.
“This extravagant and frantic behaviour, added to other grievances768 under which I laboured, hastened my resolution of leaving him; and he, to this day, blames his relation as the immediate cause of my escape, whereas he ought to place it to the account of his own madness and indiscretion. When I retired to Park-street, he cautioned all my tradesmen, not even excepting my baker769, against giving me credit, assuring them that he would not pay any debts I should contract; and the difficulties to which I was reduced, in consequence of this charitable declaration, together with the reflection of what I had suffered, and might undergo, from the caprice and barbarity of his disposition, affected my health so much, that I was again taken ill, and my life thought in danger.
“My constitution, however, got the better of my distemper, and I was ordered into the country by my physicians, for the benefit of the air; so that I found myself under the necessity of keeping two houses, when I was little able to support one, and set up my chariot, because I could not defray the expense of a hackney-coach; for I had as much credit given me as I asked for, notwithstanding my lord’s orders to the contrary.
“Having recruited my spirits in the country, I returned to town, and was visited by my friends, who never forsook me in adversity, and in the summer removed to a house in Essex, where I lived a few months in great tranquility, unmolested by my tyrant, who sometimes gave me a whole year’s respite. Here I used to ride and drive by turns, as my humour dictated770, with horses which were lent me; and I had the company of my lover, and another gentleman, who was a very agreeable companion, and of singular service to me in the sequel.
“At last, my lord having received intelligence of the place of my abode, and his tormenting humour recurring771, he set out for my habitation, and in the morning appeared in his coach and six, attended by Mr. G— and another person, whom he had engaged for the purpose, with several domestics armed. I immediately shut up my doors at his approach, and refused him admittance, which he endeavoured to obtain by a succession of prayers and threats; but I was deaf to both, and resolved to hold out to the last. Seeing me determined, he began his attack, and his servants actually forced their way into the house; upon which I retreated up-stairs, and fortified772 myself in my apartment, which the assailants stormed with such fury, that the door began to give way, and I retired into another room.
“Whilst I remained in this post, Mr. G— demanded a parley773, in which he begged I would favour my lord with an interview, otherwise he knew not what might be the consequence. To this remonstrance I replied, that I was not disposed to comply with his request; and though their design should be murder, I was not at all afraid of death. Upon this declaration they renewed their attacks, which they carried on with indifferent success till the afternoon, when my lord, as if he had been at play, sent a formal message to me, desiring that all hostilities774 should cease, till after both parties should have dined. At the same time, my own servants came for instructions; and I ordered them to let him have everything which he should call for, as far as the house would afford.
“He did not fail to make use of this permission; but sitting down with his companions, ate up my dinner without hesitation, after he had paid me the compliment of desiring to know what he should send up to my apartment. Far from having any stomach to partake of his meal, I sat solitary upon my bed, in a state of melancholy expectation, having fastened the door of the outward room for my security, while I kept my chamber open for the convenience of air, the weather being excessively hot. His lordship, having indulged his appetite, resumed his attempt, and all of a sudden I heard a noise in the next room; upon which I started up, and perceiving that he had got into my ante-chamber, by the help of a bench that stood under the window, I flung to the door of my room, which I locked with great expedition, and opening another that communicated with the staircase, ran out of the house, through a crowd of more than a hundred people, whom this fray had gathered together.
“Being universally beloved in the neighbourhood, and respected by my lord’s servants, I passed among them untouched, and took refuge in a neighbouring cottage; while his lordship bawled775 and roared for assistance, being afraid to come out as he had gone in. Without waiting for his deliberations, I changed clothes with the poor woman who had given me shelter, and in her blue apron and straw hat sallied out into the fields, intending to seek protection in the house of a gentleman not far off, though I was utterly ignorant of the road that led me to it. However, it was my good fortune to meet with a farmer, who undertook to conduct me to the place; otherwise I should have missed my way, and in all probability lain in the fields; for by this time it was eight o’clock at night.
“Under the direction of this guide, I traversed hedges and ditches; for I would not venture to travel in the highway, lest I should fall into the hands of my pursuer, and after I had actually tumbled into the mire14, and walked six or seven long miles by the help of a good spirit, which never failed me on such occasions, I arrived at the place, and rung the bell at the garden gate for admittance. Seeing my figure, which was very uncouth776, together with my draggled condition, they denied me entrance; but, when they understood who I was, immediately opened the door, and I was hospitably777 entertained, after having been the subject of mirth, on account of my dress and adventure.
“Next day I returned and took possession of my house again, where I resumed my former amusements, which I enjoyed in quiet for the space of a whole month, waiting with resignation for the issue of my lawsuit; when, one afternoon, I was apprised of his lordship’s approach by one of my spies, whom I always employed to reconnoitre the road; and so fortunate was I in the choice of these scouts778, that I never was betrayed by one of them, though they were often bribed for that purpose. I no sooner received this intelligence, than I ordered my horse to be saddled, and, mounting, rode out of sight immediately, directing my course a different way from the London road. I had not long proceeded in this track, when my career was all of a sudden stopped by a five-bar gate, which, after some hesitation, I resolved to leap (my horse being an old hunter), if I should find myself pursued. However, with much difficulty I made a shift to open it, and arrived in safety at the house of my very good friend Mr. G—, who, being a justice of the peace, had promised me his protection, if it should be wanted.
“Thus secured for the present, I sent out spies to bring information of his lordship’s proceedings779, and understood that he had taken possession of my house, turned my servants adrift, and made himself master of all my movables, clothes, and papers. As for the papers, they were of no consequence, but of clothes I had a good stock; and, when I had reason to believe that he did not intend to relinquish his conquest, I thought it was high time for me to remove to a greater distance from his quarters. Accordingly, two days after my escape, I set out at eleven o’clock at night, in a chariot and four, which I borrowed of my friend, attended by a footman, who was a stout780 fellow, and well armed, I myself being provided with a brace232 of good pistols, which I was fully determined to use against any person who should presume to lay violent hands upon me, except my lord, for whom a less mortal weapon would have sufficed, such as a bodkin or a tinder-box. Nothing could be farther from my intention than the desire of hurting any living creature, much less my husband: my design was only to defend myself from cruelty and oppression, which I knew, by fatal experience, would infallibly be my lot, should he get me into his power. And I thought I had as good a right to preserve my happiness, as that which every individual has to preserve his life, especially against a set of ruffians, who were engaged to rob me of it for a little dirty lucre781.
“In the midst of our journey, the footman came up, and told me I was dogged; upon which I looked out, and, seeing a man riding by the chariot side, presented one of my pistols out of my window, and preserved that posture782 of defence, until he thought proper to retreat, and rid me of the fears that attended his company. I arrived in town, and, changing my equipage, hired an open chaise, in which, though I was almost starved with cold, I travelled to Reading, which I reached by ten next morning; and from thence proceeded farther in the country, with a view of taking refuge with Mrs. C—, who was my particular friend. Here I should have found shelter, though my lord had been beforehand with me, and endeavoured to prepossess her against my conduct, had not the house been crowded with company, among whom I could not possibly have been concealed, especially from her brother, who was an intimate friend of my persecutor.
“Things being thus situated, I enjoyed but a very short interview with her, in which her sorrow and perplexity on my account appeared with great expression in her countenance; and, though it was not in her power to afford me the relief I expected, she, in the most genteel manner, sent after me a small sum of money, thinking that, considering the hurry in which I left my house, I might have occasion for it on the road. I was, by this time, benumbed with cold, fatigued783 with travelling, and almost fretted to death by my disappointment. However, this was no time to indulge despondence; since nobody could or would assist me, I stood the more in need of my own resolution and presence of mind. After some deliberation, I steered784 my course back to London; and, being unwilling to return by the same road in which I came, as well as impatient to be at the end of my journey, I chose the Bagshot way, and ventured to cross the heath by moonlight.
“Here I was attacked by a footpad armed with a broad-sword, who came up and demanded my money. My stock amounted to twelve guineas; and I foresaw that should I be stripped of the whole sum, I could not travel without discovering who I was, and consequently running the risk of being detected by my pursuer. On these considerations, I gave the fellow three guineas and some silver; with which he was so far from being satisfied, that he threatened to search me for more: but I ordered the coachman to proceed, and by good fortune escaped that ceremony, though I was under some apprehension of being overtaken with a pistol bullet in my flight, and therefore held down my head in the chaise, in imitation of some great men, who are said to have ducked in the same manner in the day of battle. My fears happened to be disappointed: I lay at an inn upon the road, and next day arrived in town, in the utmost difficulty and distress; for I knew not where to fix my habitation, and was destitute of all means of support. In this dilemma, I applied to my lawyer, who recommended me to the house of a tradesman in Westminster, where I lodged and boarded upon credit, with my faithful Abigail (whom I shall distinguish by the name of Mrs. S—), for the space of ten weeks, during which I saw nobody, and never once stirred abroad.
“While I was thus harassed out of all enjoyment of life, and reduced to the utmost indigence, by the cruelty of my persecutor, who had even stripped me of my wearing apparel, I made a conquest of Lord D—, a nobleman who is now dead, and therefore I shall say little of his character, which is perfectly well known: this only will I observe, that, next to my own tyrant, he was the person of whom I had the greatest abhorrence. Nevertheless, when these two came in competition, I preferred the offers of this new lover, which were very considerable; and as an asylum785 was the chief thing I wanted, agreed to follow him to his country seat, whither I actually sent my clothes, which I had purchased upon credit.
“However, upon mature deliberation, I changed my mind, and signified my resolution in a letter, desiring at the same time that my baggage might be sent back. In consequence of this message, I expected a visit from him, in all the rage of indignation and disappointment, and gave orders that he should not be admitted into my house yet, notwithstanding this precaution, he found means to procure entrance; and one of the first objects that I saw, next morning, in my bedchamber, was my lover, armed with a horsewhip, against which, from the knowledge of the man, I did not think myself altogether secure; though I was not much alarmed, because I believed myself superior to him in point of bravery, should the worst come to the worst. But, contrary to my expectation, and his usual behaviour to our sex, he accosted me very politely, and began to expostulate on the contents of my letter. I freely told him, that I had rashly assented to his proposal, for my own convenience only; that, when I reflected on what I had done, I thought it ungenerous in me to live with him upon these terms; and that, as I did not like him, and could not dissemble, such a correspondence could never tend to the satisfaction of either. He allowed the inference was just, though he was very much chagrined at my previous proceeding. He relinquished his claim, restored my clothes, and never afterwards upbraided me with my conduct in this affair; though he at one time owned, that he still loved me, and ever should, because I had used him ill; a declaration that strongly marks the peculiarity786 of his character. As for my own part, I own that my behaviour on this occasion is no other way excusable, than on account of the miserable perplexity of my circumstances, which were often so calamitous787, that I wonder I have not been compelled to take such steps as would have rendered my conduct much more exceptionable than it really is.
“At last all my hopes were blasted by the issue of my suit, which was determined in favour of my lord. Even then I refused to yield: on the contrary, coming out of retirement, I took lodgings in Suffolk-street, and set my tyrant at defiance. But, being unwilling to trust my doors to the care of other people, I hired a house in Conduit-street; and no sooner appeared in the world again, than I was surrounded by divers and sundry sorts of admirers. I believe I received the incense and addresses of all kinds under the sun, except that sort which was most to my liking, a man capable of contracting and inspiring a mutual attachment; but such a one is equally rare and inestimable; not but that I own myself greatly obliged to all those who cultivated my good graces, though they were very little beholden to me; for where I did not really love, I could never profess205 that passion; that sort of dissimulation is a slavery that no honest nature will undergo. Except one worthy young man whom I sometimes saw, they were a strange medley788 of insignificant beings: one was insipid, another ridiculously affected, a third void of all education, a fourth altogether inconsistent; and, in short, I found as many trifling characters among the men, as ever I observed in my own sex. Some of them I endeavoured to bring over to my maxims, while they attempted to make a proselyte of me; but, finding the task impracticable on both sides, we very wisely dropped each other.
“At length, however, I was blessed with the acquaintance of one nobleman, who is, perhaps, the first character in England, in point of honour, integrity, wit, sense, and benevolence; when I have thus distinguished him, I need scarce mention Lord —. This great, this good man, possesses every accomplishment requisite789 to inspire admiration, love, and esteem. With infinitely790 more merit than almost ever fell to one man’s share, he manifests such diffidence of his own qualifications, as cannot fail to prepossess every company in his favour. He seems to observe nothing, yet sees everything; his manner of telling a story, and making trifles elegant, is peculiar to himself; and, though he has a thousand oddities, they serve only to make him more agreeable. After what I have said, it may be supposed that I was enamoured of his person; but this was not the case; love is altogether capricious and fanciful; yet I admire, honour, and esteem him to the highest degree, and when I observe that his character resembled that of my dear departed friend Mr. B—; or rather, that Mr. B—, had he lived, would have resembled Lord —, I pay the highest compliment I can conceive both to the living and to the dead.
“In this nobleman’s friendship and conversation I thought myself happy; though I was, as usual, exposed to the indefatigable efforts of my lord, who, one day, while I was favoured with the company of this generous friend, appeared at my door in his coach, attended by another gentleman, who demanded entrance with an air of authority. A very honest footman, who had been long in my service, ran upstairs in the utmost consternation, and gave me an account of what had happened below. Upon which I told him he had nothing to answer for, and ordered him to keep the door fast shut against all opposition; though I was so much affected with this unexpected assault, that Lord — said he was never more surprised and shocked in his life, than at the horror which appeared in my countenance, when I saw the coach stop at my door.
“My little hero being refused admittance, went away, threatening to return speedily with a reinforcement; and during this interval791, I provided myself with a soldier, whom I placed sentinel at the door, within side, to guard me from the danger of such assaults for the future. My lord, true to his promise, marched back with his auxiliaries792, reinforced with a constable, and repeated his demand of being admitted; and my soldier opening the sash, in order to answer him, according to my directions, he no sooner perceived the red coat, than he was seized with such a panic, that he instantly fled with great precipitation; and, when he recounted the adventure, like Falstaff in the play, multiplied my guard into a whole file of musqueteers. He also made a shift to discover the gentleman who had been so kind as to lend me one of his company, and complained of him to the duke of N—, in hopes of seeing him broke for his misdemeanour; but in that expectation he was luckily disappointed.
“Perceiving that in England I should never enjoy peace, but be continually subject to those alarms and disquiets793 which had already impaired my health and spirits, I resolved to repair again to France, my best refuge and sure retreat from the persecution of my tyrant. Yet, before I took this step, I endeavoured, by the advice of my friends, to conceal myself near Windsor; but was in a little time discovered by my lord, and hunted out of my lurking-place accordingly. I then removed to Chelsea, where I suffered inconceivable uneasiness and agitation of mind, from the nature of my situation, my tranquility being thus incessantly invaded by a man who could not be satisfied with me, and yet could not live without me. So that, though I was very much indisposed, I set out for France, by way of the Hague, as the war had shut up all other communication, having no other attendant but my woman S—, who, though she dreaded the sea, and was upon the brink of matrimony, would not quit me in such a calamitous condition, until I was joined by my footman and another maid, whom I ordered to follow me with the baggage. But, before my departure, I sent a message to Lord —, demanding my clothes, which he had seized in Essex; and, he refusing to deliver them, I was obliged to equip myself anew, upon credit.
“I was supplied with money for my journey by my good friend L—; and, after a short and pleasant passage, arrived at the Hague, where I stayed two months, and parted with S—, on whom I settled an annuity of five-and-twenty pounds, payable794 out of the provision which I had or might obtain from my husband. The same allowance had I prevailed upon Lord B— to grant to another maid, who attended me while I lived in his house.
“I did not much relish the people in Holland, because they seemed entirely devoted to self-interest, without any taste for pleasure or politeness; a species of disposition that could not be very agreeable to me, who always despised money, had an unbounded benevolence of heart, and loved pleasure beyond every other consideration. When I say pleasure, I would not be understood to mean sensuality, which constitutes the supreme795 happiness of those only who are void of sentiment and imagination. Nevertheless, I received some civilities in this place, and, among the rest, the reputation of having for my lover the king of P—‘s minister, who was young and airy, and visited me often; circumstances that were sufficient to lay me under the imputation of an amour, which I frequently incurred without having given the least cause of suspicion.
“Having taken leave of my Dutch friends, I departed from the Hague, in company with an English woman, whom I had chosen for that purpose, and arrived at Antwerp with much difficulty and danger, the highway being infested796 with robbers. After having reposed myself a few days in this city, I hired a coach for myself, and set out with my companion for Brussels; but, before we reached Mechlin, our vehicle was attacked by two hussars, who, with their sabres drawn, obliged the coachman to drive into a wood near the road. I at first imagined that they wanted to examine our passports, but was soon too well convinced of their design; and, though very much shocked at the discovery, found resolution enough to suppress my concern, so that it should not aggravate252 the terrors of the young woman, who had almost died with apprehension. I even encouraged her to hope for the best; and, addressing myself to the robbers in French, begged, in the most suppliant797 manner, that they would spare our lives; upon which one of them, who was a little fellow, assured me, in the same language, that we had nothing to fear for our persons.
“When we were conveyed in a state of dreadful suspense about three-quarters of a mile into the wood, the ruffians came into the coach, and, taking my keys, which I kept ready in my hand for them, opened three large trunks that contained my baggage, and emptying them of everything but my hoops798 and a few books, packed up their booty in a cloth; then robbed me of my money and jewels, even to my shoe-buckles799 and sleeve-buttons, took my footman’s laced hat, and gave it, by way of gratification, to a peasant, who came from behind the bushes, and assisted them in packing.
“This affair being despatched, they ordered us to return to the road by a different way from that in which we were carried into the wood; and mounting their horses, rode off with the plunder800, though not before the little fellow, who was the least ferocious801 of the two, had come and shaken me by the hand, wishing us a good journey; a compliment which I heartily returned, being extremely well pleased with the retreat of two such companions, who had detained us a whole half-hour; during which, notwithstanding the assurance I had received, I was in continual apprehension of seeing their operation concluded with the murder of us all; for I supposed they were of that gang who had some time before murdered a French officer, and used a lady extremely ill, after having rifled her of all she had.
“Having thus undergone pillage802, and being reduced to the extremity of indigence in a foreign land, it is not to be supposed that my reflections were very comfortable; and yet, though I sustained the whole damage, I was the only person in the company who bore the accident with any resolution and presence of mind. My coachman and valet seemed quite petrified803 with fear; and it was not till I had repeated my directions that the former drove farther into the wood, and took the first turning to the right, in order to regain the road, according to the command of the robbers, which I did not choose to disobey.
“This misfortune I suffered by the misinformation I received at Antwerp, where I would have provided myself with an escort, had not I been assured that there was not the least occasion to put myself to such extraordinary expense. And, indeed, the robbers took the only half-hour in which they could have had an opportunity of plundering804 us; for we no sooner returned into the highway, than we met with the French artillery coming from Brussels, which was a security to us during the rest of our journey. We were afterwards informed at a small village, that there was actually a large gang of deserters, who harboured in that wood, from which they made excursions in the neighbourhood, and kept the peasants in continual alarms.
“Having proceeded a little way, we were stopped by the artillery crossing a bridge; and, as the train was very long, must have been detained till night, had not a soldier informed me, that, if I would take the trouble to come out of my coach, and apply to the commandant, he would order them to halt, and allow me to pass. I took the man’s advice, and was by him conducted, with much difficulty, through the crowd, to some officers, who seemed scarce to deserve the name; for, when I signified my request, they neither rose up, nor desired me to sit down; but, lolling in their chairs, with one leg stretched out, asked, with an air of disrespectful raillery. where I was going; and when I answered, “To Paris,” desired to know what I would do there.
“I, who am naturally civil where I am civilly used, and saucy805 enough where I think myself treated with disregard, was very much piqued806 at their insolent807 and unmannerly behaviour, and began to reply to the impertinent questions very abruptly808; so that a very tart521 dialogue would have ensued, had not the conversation been interrupted by a tall, thin, genteel young French nobleman, an officer in the army, who, chancing to come in, asked with great politeness, what I would please to have. I then repeated my desire, and produced my passports, by which he learned who I was. He immediately gave orders that my coach should pass; and afterwards visited me at Paris, having obtained my permission, and taken my address at parting; while the others, understanding my name and quality, asked pardon for their impolite carriage, which they told me was owing to the representation of the soldier, who gave them to understand that I was a strolling actress.
“I could not help laughing heartily at this mistake, which might have proceeded from the circumstances of my appearance, my footman having been obliged to change hats with the peasant, and myself being without buckles on my shoes and buttons on my riding-skirt, while my countenance still retained marks of the fear and confusion I had undergone. After all, perhaps the fellow was a droll809, and wanted to entertain himself at my expense. The day was so far consumed in these adventures, that I was obliged to take up my lodgings at Mechlin, where I addressed myself to the intendant, giving him an account of the disaster I had met with, and desiring I might have credit at the inn, as our whole company could not raise the value of a sixpence. This gentleman, though a provincial810, was polite in his way, and not only granted my request, but invited me to lodge at his own house. I accordingly gave him my company at supper, but did not choose to sleep at his quarters, because he appeared to be what the French call un vieux debauche.
“Next day, he sent a trumpet to the general, with a detail of my misfortune, in hopes of retrieving811 what I had lost; but, notwithstanding all possible search, I was fain to put up with my damage, which, in linen, laces, clothes, and baubles812, amounted to upwards813 of seven hundred pounds, a loss which never deprived me of one moment’s rest; for, though I lodged at a miserable inn, and lay in a paltry bed, I slept as sound as if nothing extraordinary had happened, after I had written to London and Paris, directing that the payment of my bills of credit might be stopped. Indeed, I know of but two misfortunes in life capable of depressing my spirits, namely, the loss of health and friends; all others may be prevented or endured. The articles of that calamity814 which I chiefly regretted, were a picture of Lord W—, and some inimitable letters from Mr. B—.
“From Mechlin I proceeded to Brussels, where, being known, I got credit for some necessaries, and borrowed twenty guineas to defray the expense of my journey to Paris. Having consulted with my friends about the safest method of travelling through Flanders, I was persuaded to take places in the public voiture; and accordingly departed, not without fears of finding one part of the country as much infested with robbers as another. Nor were these apprehensions assuaged815 by the conversation of my fellow-travellers, who, being of the lower sort of people, that delight in exaggerating dangers, entertained me all the way with an account of all the robberies and murders which had been committed on that road, with many additional circumstances of their own invention. After having been two days exposed to this comfortable conversation, among very disagreeable company, which is certainly one of the most disagreeable situations in life, I arrived at Lisle, where, thinking the dangerous part of the journey was now past, I hired a post-chaise, and in two days more reached Paris without any further molestation816.
“Upon my arrival in the capital, I was immediately visited by my old acquaintances, who, hearing my disaster, offered me their clothes, and insisted upon my wearing them, until I could be otherwise provided. They likewise engaged me in parties, with a view of amusing my imagination, that I might not grow melancholy in reflecting upon my loss; and desired me to repeat the particulars of my story forty times over, expressing great surprise at our not being murdered, or ravished at least. As for this last species of outrage817, the fear of it never once entered my head, otherwise I should have been more shocked and alarmed than I really was. But it seems this was the chief circumstance of my companion’s apprehension; and I cannot help observing, that a homely woman is always more apt to entertain those fears, than one whose person exposes her to much more imminent danger. However, I now learned, that the risk I ran was much greater than I imagined it to be, those ruffians being familiarized to rape818 as well as murder.
“Soon after my appearance at Paris, I was favoured with the addresses of several French lovers; but I never had any taste for foreigners, or indeed for any amusement of that kind, except such as were likely to be lasting819, and settled upon a more agreeable footing than that of common gallantry. When I deviated820 from this principle, my conduct was the effect of compulsion, and therefore I was never easy under it, having been reduced to the alternative of two evils, the least of which I was obliged to choose, as a man leaps into the sea, in order to escape from a ship that is on fire.
“Though I rejected their love, I did not refuse their company and conversation; and, though my health was considerably impaired by the shock I received in my last adventure, which was considerably greater than I at first imagined, and affected my companion so much, that she did not recover her spirits till she returned to England, I say, though I was for some time a valetudinarian821, I enjoyed myself in great tranquility for the space of ten months, during which I was visited by English, Scotch, and French, of all parties and persuasions822; for pleasure is of no faction113, and that was the chief object of my pursuit; neither was I so ambitious of being a politician, as to employ my time and thoughts upon subjects which I did not understand. I had admirers of all sides, and should have spent my time very much to my liking, had not I felt my funds sensibly diminish, without any prospect of their being repaired; for I had been obliged to lay out a great part of the sum allotted823 for my subsistence, in supplying my companion, my servant, and myself with necessaries, in lieu of those which we had lost.
“Having before my eyes the uncomfortable prospect of wanting money in a strange place, I found myself under the necessity of returning to England, where I had more resources than I could possibly have among foreigners; and with that view wrote to Lord —‘s agents, desiring that I might be enabled to discharge my obligations at Paris, by the payment of my pin-money. Thus a negotiation824 commenced, and his lordship promised to remit270 money for the clearance825 of my Paris debts, which amounted to four hundred pounds: but he would not advance one farthing more, though I gave him to understand, that, while he protracted826 the agreement, I must inevitably be adding to my encumbrances827, and that I should be as effectually detained by a debt of twenty pounds, as if I owed a thousand. Notwithstanding all my representations, he would not part with one shilling over the net sum which I at first stipulated828; so that all my measures were rendered abortive829, and I found it altogether impracticable to execute those resolutions I had formed in his favour.
“Thus did he for a mere trifle embarrass the woman for whom he professed the most unlimited love, and whose principles he pretended to hold in the utmost veneration. Indeed, his confidence in my integrity was not without foundation; for many wives, with one half of my provocation830, would have ruined him to all intents and purposes; whereas, notwithstanding all the extraordinary expenses to which I had been exposed by his continual persecution, he never paid a shilling on my account except one thousand pounds, exclusive of the small allowance which was my due. In a word, so much time elapsed before my lord could prevail upon himself to advance the bare four hundred, that I was involved in fresh difficulties, from which I found it impossible to extricate831 myself; and though I had occasion to write a letter to my benefactor Lord —, in which I expressed my acknowledgment of past favours, I could not venture to solicit more, even when I was encouraged by a very obliging answer, wherein he declared, that the good qualities of my mind and heart would bind156 him to me in friendship for ever.
“While I ruminated on my uncomfortable situation, which would neither permit me to return to England, nor to stay much longer where I was, a young Englishman of immense fortune took Paris in his way from Italy, accompanied by a most agreeable Scotchman of very good sense and great vivacity. It was my good or ill fortune to become acquainted with these gentlemen, who, having seen me at the opera, expressed a desire of being known to me, and accordingly favoured me with a visit one afternoon, when the brisk North Briton engrossed the whole conversation, while the other seemed fearful and diffident even to a degree of bashfulness, through which, however, I could discern a delicate sensibility and uncommon understanding. There was in his person, which was very agreeable, as well as in his behaviour, a certain naivete that was very pleasing; and, at this first interview, we relished each other’s company so well, that a sort of intimacy immediately commenced, and was carried on in a succession of parties of pleasure, in the course of which I found him fraught with all the tenderness and sentiment that render the heart susceptible of the most refined love; a disposition that immediately made me partial to him, while it subjected his own heart to all the violent impressions of a passion, which I little imagined our correspondence would have produced.
“Nevertheless, I was far from being displeased with my conquest, because his person and qualifications, as well as his manner of address, were very much to my liking, and recommended him in a particular manner to my affection. Indeed, he made greater progress in my heart than I myself suspected; for there was something congenial in our souls, which, from our first meeting, I believe, had attracted us, unknown to ourselves, under the notions of friendship and regard, and now disclosed itself in the most passionate love.
“I listened to his addresses, and we were truly happy. His attachment was the quintessence of tenderness and sincerity, while his generosity knew no bounds. Not contented with having paid twelve hundred pounds on my account, in the space of one fortnight, he would have loaded me with present after present, had I not absolutely refused to accept such expensive marks of his munificence832. I was even mortified at those instances of his liberality, which my situation compelled me to receive, lest, being but little acquainted with my disposition, he should suspect me of being interested in my love, and judge my conduct by the malicious reports of common fame, which, he afterwards owned, had at first obtained such credit with him, that he believed our mutual attachment would not be of long duration. But, in this particular, he was soon undeceived. His heart, though naturally adapted for the melting passion, had hitherto escaped untouched by all the ladies of Italy and France; and, therefore, the first impressions were the more deeply fixed. As he was unpractised in the ways of common gallantry and deceit, the striking simplicity833 in his character was the more likely to engage the heart of one who knew the perfidy834 of the world, and despised all the farce835 and bombast836 of fashionable profession, which I had always considered as the phrase of vanity and ostentation837, rather than the genuine language of love. Besides, gratitude had a considerable share in augmenting my affection, which manifested itself in such a warm, cordial, artless manner, as increased his esteem, and riveted his attachment; for he could easily perceive, from the whole tenor838 of my conduct, that my breast was an utter stranger to craft and dissimulation; yet I was at first fearful of contracting any engagement with him, because, being younger than me, he might be more apt to change, and the world might be malicious enough to suppose I had practised upon his inexperience; but, conscious of my own integrity, I set slander839 at defiance, trusting to my own behaviour, and his natural probity, for the continuance of his love. Though we did not live together in the same house, the greatest part of our time was spent in each other’s company; we dined and supped at the same table, frequented public places, went upon parties to the country, and never parted, but for a few hours in the night, which we passed in the utmost impatience to meet again.
“In this agreeable manner did the days roll on, when my felicity was interrupted by a fit of jealousy with which I happened to be seized. I had contracted an acquaintance with a young married lady, who, though her personal attractions were but slender, was upon the whole an agreeable, cheerful, good-natured companion, with a little dash of the coquette in her composition. This woman being in very indigent840 circumstances, occasioned by some losses her husband had sustained, no sooner had an opportunity of seeing and conversing with my lover, than she formed the design of making a conquest of him. I should have forgiven her for this scheme, whatever pangs it might have cost me, had I believed it the effect of real passion; but I knew her too well to suppose her heart was susceptible of love, and accordingly resented it. In the execution of her plan, she neglected nothing which she thought capable of engaging his attention. She took all opportunities of sitting near him at table, ogled841 him in the most palpable manner, directed her whole discourse to him, trod upon his toes; nay, I believe, squeezed his hand. My blood boiled at her, though my pride, for some time, enabled me to conceal my uneasiness; till at length her behaviour became so arrogant and gross, that I could no longer suppress my indignation, and one day told my lover that I would immediately renounce394 his correspondence.
“He was greatly alarmed at this unexpected declaration; and, when he understood the cause of it, assured me, that, for the future, he would never exchange one word with her. Satisfied with this mark of his sincerity and regard, I released him from his promise, which he could not possibly keep, while she and I lived upon any terms; and we continued to visit each other as usual, though she still persisted in her endeavours to rival me in his affection, and contracted an intimacy with his companion, who seemed to entertain a passion for her, that she might have the more frequent opportunities of being among us; for she had no objection against favouring the addresses of both. One evening, I remember, we set out in my coach for the opera; and, in the way, this inamorata was so busy with her feet, that I was incensed at her behaviour; and, when we arrived at the place, refused to alight; but, setting them down, declared my intention of returning home immediately. She was so much pleased with this intimation, that she could not conceal the joy she felt at the thoughts of conversing with him, uninterrupted by my presence; an opportunity with which I had never favoured her before. This open exultation842 increased my anger and anxiety. I went home; but, being still tortured with the reflection of having left them together, adjusted myself in the glass, though I was too angry to take notice of my own figure, and without further delay returned to the opera.
“Having inquired for the box in which they sat, I took possession of one that fronted them, and, reconnoitring them, without being perceived, had the satisfaction of seeing him removed to as great a distance from her as the place would permit, and his head turned another way. Composed by this examination, I joined them without further scruple349, when my young gentleman expressed great joy at my appearance, and told me he was determined to have left the entertainment, and come in quest of me, had I not returned at that instant.
“In our way homewards, my rival repeated her usual hints, and with her large hoop almost overshadowed my lover from my view; upon which my jealousy and wrath recurred with such violence, that I pulled the string as a signal for the coachman to stop, with a view of getting out, and going home afoot; a step which would have afforded a new spectacle to the people of Paris. But I reflected in a moment upon the folly of such a resolution, and soon recollected843 myself, by calling my pride to my assistance. I determined, however, that she should act no more scenes of this kind in my presence, and that same night insisted upon my lover’s dropping all intercourse and connection with this tormentor. He very cheerfully complied with my desire, and was even glad of an occasion to break off his acquaintance with a person about whom I had plagued him so much.
“Thus was I freed from the persecution of one of those creatures, who, though of little consequence in themselves, are yet the pests of society, and find means to destroy that harmony which reigns between two lovers, by the intrusion of a loose appetite, void of all sensibility and discretion; having no feelings themselves, they cannot sympathize with those of other people; and do mischief out of mere wantonness.
“My lover being obliged to go to England, had settled me in a genteel house in Paris, with a view of returning when his affairs should be adjusted; but, when the time of his departure approached, he began to be uneasy at the prospect of separation, and, in order to alleviate his anxiety, desired me to accompany him to Calais, where we stayed together three or four days, during which the dread of parting became more and more intense; so that we determined upon my following him into England at the first opportunity, where I should live altogether incog. that I might be concealed from the inquiries and attempts of my lord. Even after this resolution was fixed, we parted with all the agonies of lovers who despair of ever meeting again; and the wind blowing very high after he had embarked, increased my fears. But, by the return of the packet-boat I was blessed with the report of his being safe arrived in England, and had the satisfaction of perusing844 his letters by every post.
“My admirer being thus detached from me, my thoughts were entirely employed in concerting some private method of conveying myself to him. As I would not trust myself in the common packet, for fear of being discovered, after having revolved divers schemes, I determined to transport myself in one of the Dutch fishing-boats, though I knew the passage would be hazardous845; but, in a case of such interesting concern, I overlooked all danger and inconvenience. Before I put this resolution in practice, I was so fortunate as to hear of a small English vessel, that arrived in Calais with a prisoner of war, in which I embarked, with my companion and another lady, who lived with me for some time afterwards; and, when we came on board, discovered that the ship was no other than a light collier, and that her whole company amounted to no more than three men. Nevertheless, though the sea was so rough, and the weather so unpromising, that no other boat would venture to put to sea, we set sail, and, between two storms, in about three hours arrived in safety in Dover.
“From hence my first companion went to her friends in the stage-coach, while the other lady and I hired an open post-chaise, though it snowed very hard, and, without any accident, performed our journey to London, where I met with my lover, who flew to my arms in all the transports of impatient joy; and, doubtless, I deserved his affection for the hardships, perils846, and difficulties I had undergone to be with him; for I never scrupled847 to undertake anything practicable, in order to demonstrate the sincerity of what I professed. In consequence of our plan, I assumed a fictitious name, and never appeared in public, being fully satisfied and happy in the company and conversation of the man I loved; and, when he went into the country, contented myself with his correspondence, which he punctually maintained, in a series of letters, equally sensible, sincere, and affectionate.
“Upon his return to town for the remainder of the season, he devoted the greatest part of his time to our mutual enjoyment; left me with reluctance, when he was called away by indispensable business, and the civility which was due to his acquaintance, and very seldom went to any place of public entertainment, because I could not accompany and share with him in the diversion; nay, so much did I engross his attention, that one evening, after he had been teased into an agreement of meeting some friends at a play, he went thither precisely848 at the appointed hour, and, as they did not arrive punctually at the very minute, he returned to me immediately, as much rejoiced at his escape as if he had met with some signal deliverance. Nor was his constancy inferior to the ardour of his love. We went once together to a ball in the Haymarket, where, in the midst of a thousand fine women, whose charms were enhanced by the peculiarity of the dresses they wore, he remained unshaken, unseduced, preserving his attachment for me in spite of all temptation.
“In the summer, he provided me with a house in the neighbourhood of his own; but the accommodations being bad, and that country affording no other place fit for my residence, he brought me home to his own seat, and, by that step, raised such a universal clamour; though I saw no company, and led such a solitary life, that nothing but excessive love could have supported my spirits. Not but that he gave me as much of his time as he could possibly spare from the necessary duties of paying and receiving visits, together with the avocations of hunting, and other country amusements, which I could not partake. Formerly, indeed, I used to hunt and shoot, but I had left off both, so that I was now reduced to the alternative of reading and walking by myself; but love made up for all deficiencies to me, who think nothing else worth the living for. Had I been blessed with a partner for life, who could have loved sincerely, and inspired me with a mutual flame, I would have asked no more of fate. Interest and ambition have no share in my composition; love, which is pleasure, or pleasure, which is love, makes up the whole. A heart so disposed cannot be devoid849 of other good qualities; it must be subject to the impressions of humanity and benevolence, and enemy to nothing but itself. This you will give me leave to affirm, in justice to myself, as I have frankly owned my failings and misconduct.
“Towards the end of summer, my heart was a little alarmed by a report that prevailed, of my lover’s being actually engaged in a treaty of marriage; however, I gave little credit to this rumour850 till I was obliged to go to town about business, and there I heard the same information confidently affirmed. Though I still considered it as a vague surmise851, I wrote to him an account of what I had heard; and, in his answer, which is still in my possession, he assured me, with repeated vows and protestations, that the report was altogether false. Satisfied with this declaration, I returned to his house; and, though the tale was incessantly thundered in my ears, still believed it void of all foundation, till my suspicion was awakened by a very inconsiderable circumstance.
“One day, on his return from hunting, I perceived he had a very fine pair of Dresden ruffles852 on his shirt, which I could not suppose he would wear at such a rustic853 exercise; and, therefore, my fears took the alarm. When I questioned him about this particular of his dress, his colour changed; and though he attempted to elude my suspicion, by imputing854 it to a mistake of his servant, I could not rest satisfied with this account of the matter, but inquired into the truth with such eagerness and penetration, that he could not deny he had been to make a visit. By degrees, I even extorted from him a confession, that he had engaged himself further than he ought to have proceeded, without making me acquainted with his design, though he endeavoured to excuse his conduct, and pacify855 my displeasure, by saying, that the affair would not be brought to bear for a great while, and, perhaps, might never come to a determination but he was in great confusion, and, indeed, hardly knew what he said.
“I would have quitted his house that moment, had not he beforehand obtained a promise that I would take no rash resolution of that kind, and put it out of my power to procure any method of conveyance856 by which I could make my retreat. I gave no vent61 to reproaches, but only upbraided him with his having permitted me to return, in ignorance, to the country, after I was once fairly gone; upon which he swore that he could not bear the thoughts of parting with me. This declaration was a mystery at that time, but I have been since so fully satisfied of his reasons for his conduct, that I heartily acquit231 him of all injustice857 to me. And, indeed, it is my sincere opinion, that, if ever young man deserved to be happy, he is certainly entitled to that privilege; and, if I may be allowed to judge, has a heart susceptible of the most refined enjoyment.
“The violence of the grief and consternation which I suffered from this stroke having a little subsided, I deliberated with myself about the measures I should take, and determined to leave his house some day when he should be abroad. I was encouraged in this resolution by the advice of our Scotch friend, who came about this time from London, on a visit to his fellow-traveller. We thought such an abrupt departure would be less shocking than to stay and take a formal leave of my lover, whose heart was of such a delicate frame, that, after I told him I should one day withdraw myself in his absence, he never came home from the chase, or any other avocation236, without trembling with apprehension that I had escaped.
“After he had been some time accustomed to these fears by my previous intimation, I at length decamped in good earnest, though my heart ached upon the occasion, because I left him loving and beloved; for his affection was evident, notwithstanding the step he had taken by the advice and importunity of all his relations, who laid a disagreeable restraint upon his inclinations, while they consulted his interest in every other particular.
“While I halted in the next great town, until I could be supplied with fresh horses, I was visited by a gentleman who had been formerly intimate with my lover; but a breach had happened in their friendship, and he now came to complain of the treatment he had received. Perceiving that I was not in a humour to listen to his story, he shifted the conversation to my own, and observed, that I had been extremely ill-used. I told him that I was of a different opinion; that it was not only just, but expedient, that a young man of Mr. —‘s fortune should think of making some alliance to strengthen and support the interest of his family; and that I had nothing to accuse him of but his letting me remain so long in ignorance of his intention. He then gave me to understand, that I was still ignorant of a great part of the ill-usage I had received; affirming, that, while I lived in his house, he had amused himself with all the common women in that town, to some of whom this gentleman had personally introduced him.
“At first, I could not believe this imputation; but he supported his assertion with so many convincing circumstances, that I could no longer doubt the truth of them; and I felt so much resentment, that my love vanished immediately into air. Instead of proceeding on my journey to London, I went back a considerable way, and sent a message desiring to see him in a little house, about midway between his own habitation and the town from whence I came. He obeyed my summons, and appeared at the place appointed, where I reproached him with great bitterness. He pleaded guilty to the charge, so far as acknowledging that he had corresponded with other women lately, in order to get the better of his affection for me, but the experiment had failed, and he found that he should be for ever miserable.
“I did not look upon this candid595 confession as a sufficient atonement for his past dissimulation, and, in the sharpness of my revenge, demanded a settlement, which he peremptorily858 refused; so that for the present we held each other in the utmost contempt. Indeed, I afterwards despised myself for my condescension, which was owing to the advice of my companion, supported and inflamed by the spirit of resentment. Nevertheless, he begged that I would return to his house, or stay all night where I was; but I was deaf to his entreaties859, and, after a great deal of ironical860 civility on my side, I took my leave, and went away; yet, before I set out, I looked back, and saw him on horseback, with such an air of simplicity and truth, as called up a profound sigh, notwithstanding all that had passed in our conversation.
“Upon my arrival in London, I took lodgings in Leicester-fields, and answered a letter which I had some months before received from my lord, telling him that I would go home to him, without stipulating861 for any terms, to try what effect my confidence would have upon his generosity. He readily embraced the offer, and took a house in St. James’s-street, where I proposed to comply with his humour in everything that was consistent with my own peace and tranquility.
“Meanwhile, my lover passed his time very disagreeably in the country, with his friend, of whom, it seems, he had conceived some jealousy, which was increased by a letter I wrote to that gentleman, till he was made acquainted with the contents, which he read over forty times; and then his passion breaking out with more violence than ever, he not only expressed his feeling, in an epistle which I immediately received, but when he came to town suffered such agonies of despair as I had never seen before, except in Lord B—. It was then in my power to have taken ample revenge upon him, as well as upon my insolent rival, who had insisted upon my leaving his house in a very abrupt manner, though he absolutely refused to gratify her malice, for he was now disposed to do anything for my satisfaction. But I knew his worth, and had too much regard for his reputation to advise him to act inconsistent with his honour.
“About this time, many tender feelings and sorrowful partings happened between us, till the marriage knot was tied, when he sent me a bank-note for a thousand pounds, by way of specimen862, as he called it, of his friendship, and of what he would do for me, should I ever want his assistance. This mark of his generosity I received in a most tender billet, which I shall never part with, together with his picture set in diamonds.
“I now employed my thoughts in keeping measures with my lord; we lay in the same apartment, and for the first four or five months I neither dined nor supped abroad above twice; and then he knew where I was, and approved of my company. But all this complacency and circumspection had no effect upon his temper, which remained as capricious and dissatisfied as ever. Nay, to such a provoking degree did this unhappy humour prevail, that one day, in the presence of his lawyer, he harangued863 upon my misconduct since our last reunion; and very freely affirmed, that every step I had taken was diametrically opposite to his will.
“Conscious of the pains I had been at to please him, I was so incensed at these unjust invectives, that, starting up, I told him he was a little dirty fellow; and would have left the house immediately, had not his lawyer, and others, who were in the room, interposed, and by dint of argument and importunity diverted me from my purpose. By the bye, I have been informed by a person of rank, that my lord discovered exactly the same disposition in his father’s lifetime, and only changed the subject of his complaint from the word father to that of wife. Indeed, he takes all opportunities of plaguing my dear parent, as he has just sagacity enough to know, that this is the most effectual way he can take to distress me.
“After repeated trials, I have given up all hopes of making him happy, or of finding myself easy in my situation, and live with him at present to avoid a greater inconvenience. Not that his ill-nature is all the grievance of which I complain; exclusive of the personal disgust I entertain for him, his folly is of that species which disobliges rather than diverts, and his vanity and affectation altogether intolerable; for he actually believes himself, or at least would impose himself upon mankind, as a pattern of gallantry and taste; and, in point of business. a person of infinite sagacity and penetration. But the most ridiculous part of his character is his pretended talent for politics, in which he so deeply concerns himself, that he has dismissed many a good servant, because he suspected him of having wrong connections; a theme upon which he has often quarrelled with me, even almost to parting, accusing me with holding correspondence with the earls of B— and C—, and Mr. H— V—, though I never had the least acquaintance with any of these gentlemen, except the earl of C—, to whom I have not spoken these ten years past.
“In short, I have often been at a loss to know, whether he was more mad and malicious in those fits of enthusiasm, wherein he seemed transported with zeal864 for the commonwealth865, and tormented me with his admonitions out of all temper and patience. At length, however, I contrived an expedient which freed me from these troublesome expostulations, and silenced him effectually on the score of politics. This was no other than an open avowal866 of being connected with all those people whom I have named. Indeed, I knew him too well to believe there was anything solid in his intention or professions, even when he carried himself so far as to demand a private audience of the k —, in order to communicate a scheme for suppressing the rebellion; and that being denied, solicited the duke of D—‘s interest, for permission to raise and head a regiment867 of Kentish smugglers. Nay, to such a pitch did his loyalty868 soar, that he purchased a firelock of particular mechanism869, calculated for the safety of the bearer, in case he had been placed sentinel at his Majesty’s door, and kept his horses ready caparisoned, with a view of attending his sovereign to the field. Notwithstanding all these pompous870 preparations, had he been put to the proof, he would have infallibly crept out of his engagements, through some sneaking871 evasion872, his imagination being very fertile in such saving pretences873. Yet he will talk sometimes so fervently874, and even sensibly, on the subject, that a stranger would mistake him for a man of understanding, and determined zeal for the good of his country.
“Since my last return to his house, that act of parliament passed, by which he was enabled to pay his debts, and, among the rest, a thousand pounds of my contracting, the only burden of that kind I ever entailed upon him, exclusive of my pin-money, which was never regularly paid; nor would he have been subject to this, had he not, by his persecution and pursuit, exposed me to an extraordinary expense. I have also had it in my power to reward some of my faithful Abigails; in particular, to relieve from extreme distress that maid to whom, as I have already observed, Lord B— granted an annuity, which she had sold: so that she was reduced to the most abject875 poverty; and I found her in a dismal hole, with two infants perishing for want; a spectacle which drew tears from my eyes, and indeed could not but make deep impression upon a heart like mine, which the misery of my fellow-creatures never failed to melt.
“Nor did I upon this occasion forget the attachment and fidelity of my other woman Mrs. S—, who, hearing I was robbed in my passage through Flanders, had generously relinquished the allowance I had settled upon her at parting. The exercise of such acts of humanity and benevolence, and the pleasure of seeing my dear and tender parent often, in some measure alleviate the chagrin to which I am subject from the disagreeable disposition of my lord, who, consistent with his former inconsistency, upon our last reconciliation, cheerfully agreed to a proposal I made of having concerts in the house, and even approved of the scheme with marks of particular satisfaction. But, before one half of the winter was expired, he found means to banish all the company, beginning with Lord R— B—, who, as he walked up-stairs one evening, was stopped by a footman, who plainly told him he had orders to say to him in particular, that his lordship was not at home; yet the very next day, perceiving that nobleman and me walking together in the park, he joins us with an air of alacrity876, as if no such thing had happened, and even behaved to Lord R— with the most fawning877 complaisance. His deportment was equally absurd and impertinent to the rest of his friends, who forsook us gradually, being tired of maintaining any friendly communication with such a disagreeable composition of ignorance and arrogance878. For my own part, I look upon him as utterly incorrigible879; and, as fate has subjected me to his power, endeavour to make the bitter draught514 go down, by detaching myself as much as possible from the supposition that there is any such existence upon earth. Indeed, if I had not fatal experience to the contrary, I should be apt to believe that such a character is not to be found among the sons of men; because his conduct is altogether unaccountable by the known rules and maxims of life, and falls entirely under the poet’s observation, when he says,
“’Tis true, no meaning puzzles more than wit.”
Her ladyship having thus concluded her story, to the entertainment of the company, and the admiration of Peregrine, who expressed his astonishment at the variety of adventures she had undergone, which was such as he thought sufficient to destroy the most hardy and robust880 constitution, and therefore infinitely more than enough to overwhelm one of her delicate frame; one of the gentlemen present roundly taxed her with want of candour, in suppressing some circumstances of her life, which he thought essential in the consideration of her character.
She reddened at this peremptory charge, which had an evident effect upon the countenances881 of the whole audience, when the accuser proceeded to explain his imputation, by observing, that, in the course of her narration, she had omitted to mention a thousand acts of uncommon charity, of which he himself knew her to be guilty; and that she had concealed a great many advantageous proposals of marriage, which she might have accepted before she was engaged.
The company were agreeably undeceived by this explanation; which her ladyship acknowledged in very polite terms, as a compliment equally genteel and unexpected. And our hero, after having testified the sense he had of her complaisance and condescension, in regaling him with a mark of her confidence and esteem, took his leave, and went home in a state of confusion and perplexity; for, from the circumstances of the tale he had heard, he plainly perceived, that her ladyship’s heart was too delicate to receive such incense as he, in the capacity of an admirer, could at present pay; because, though he had in some measure abridged882 the empire of Emilia in his own breast, it was not in his own power to restrain it so effectually, but that it would interfere678 with any other sovereign whom his thoughts should adopt; and unless Lady — could engross his whole love, time, and attention, he foresaw that it would be impossible for him to support the passion which he might have the good fortune to inspire. He was, moreover, deterred883 from declaring his love, by the fate of her former admirers, who seemed to have been wound up to a degree of enthusiasm, that looked more like the effect of enchantment884, than the inspiration of human attractions; an ecstasy of passion which he durst not venture to undergo. He, therefore, resolved to combat with the impressions he had already received, and, if possible, cultivate her friendship without soliciting her affection. But, before he could fix upon this determination, he desired to know the footing on which he stood in her opinion; and, by the intelligence of Crabtree, obtained in the usual manner, understood that her sentiments of him were very favourable, though without the least tincture of love. He would have been transported with joy, had her thoughts of him been of a more tender texture885; though his reason was better pleased with the information he received; in consequence of which he mustered up the ideas of his first passion, and set them in opposition to those of this new and dangerous attachment; by which means he kept the balance in equilibrio, and his bosom tolerably quiet.
点击收听单词发音
1 memoirs | |
n.回忆录;回忆录传( mem,自oir的名词复数) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
2 discretion | |
n.谨慎;随意处理 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
3 erred | |
犯错误,做错事( err的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
4 infancy | |
n.婴儿期;幼年期;初期 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
5 paternal | |
adj.父亲的,像父亲的,父系的,父方的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
6 divers | |
adj.不同的;种种的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
7 addicted | |
adj.沉溺于....的,对...上瘾的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
8 disinterested | |
adj.不关心的,不感兴趣的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
9 obstinately | |
ad.固执地,顽固地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
10 obstinate | |
adj.顽固的,倔强的,不易屈服的,较难治愈的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
11 brook | |
n.小河,溪;v.忍受,容让 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
12 disposition | |
n.性情,性格;意向,倾向;排列,部署 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
13 remarkably | |
ad.不同寻常地,相当地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
14 mire | |
n.泥沼,泥泞;v.使...陷于泥泞,使...陷入困境 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
15 joyous | |
adj.充满快乐的;令人高兴的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
16 dissimulation | |
n.掩饰,虚伪,装糊涂 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
17 imp | |
n.顽童 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
18 impudent | |
adj.鲁莽的,卑鄙的,厚颜无耻的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
19 scotch | |
n.伤口,刻痕;苏格兰威士忌酒;v.粉碎,消灭,阻止;adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
20 flirting | |
v.调情,打情骂俏( flirt的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
21 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
22 incense | |
v.激怒;n.香,焚香时的烟,香气 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
23 lame | |
adj.跛的,(辩解、论据等)无说服力的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
24 pointed | |
adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
25 amorous | |
adj.多情的;有关爱情的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
26 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
27 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
28 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
29 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
30 pretensions | |
自称( pretension的名词复数 ); 自命不凡; 要求; 权力 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
31 baron | |
n.男爵;(商业界等)巨头,大王 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
32 wed | |
v.娶,嫁,与…结婚 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
33 admiration | |
n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
34 whit | |
n.一点,丝毫 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
35 embroidered | |
adj.绣花的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
36 garnished | |
v.给(上餐桌的食物)加装饰( garnish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
37 graceful | |
adj.优美的,优雅的;得体的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
38 majestic | |
adj.雄伟的,壮丽的,庄严的,威严的,崇高的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
39 vivacity | |
n.快活,活泼,精神充沛 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
40 pouting | |
v.撅(嘴)( pout的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
41 complexion | |
n.肤色;情况,局面;气质,性格 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
42 gallant | |
adj.英勇的,豪侠的;(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
43 vouch | |
v.担保;断定;n.被担保者 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
44 engross | |
v.使全神贯注 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
45 engrossed | |
adj.全神贯注的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
46 approbation | |
n.称赞;认可 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
47 probation | |
n.缓刑(期),(以观后效的)察看;试用(期) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
48 amiable | |
adj.和蔼可亲的,友善的,亲切的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
49 discourse | |
n.论文,演说;谈话;话语;vi.讲述,著述 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
50 abounded | |
v.大量存在,充满,富于( abound的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
51 throbbed | |
抽痛( throb的过去式和过去分词 ); (心脏、脉搏等)跳动 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
52 inclination | |
n.倾斜;点头;弯腰;斜坡;倾度;倾向;爱好 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
53 sundry | |
adj.各式各样的,种种的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
54 favourable | |
adj.赞成的,称赞的,有利的,良好的,顺利的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
55 suspense | |
n.(对可能发生的事)紧张感,担心,挂虑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
56 lapse | |
n.过失,流逝,失效,抛弃信仰,间隔;vi.堕落,停止,失效,流逝;vt.使失效 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
57 condescended | |
屈尊,俯就( condescend的过去式和过去分词 ); 故意表示和蔼可亲 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
58 descend | |
vt./vi.传下来,下来,下降 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
59 persuasive | |
adj.有说服力的,能说得使人相信的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
60 dictate | |
v.口授;(使)听写;指令,指示,命令 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
61 vent | |
n.通风口,排放口;开衩;vt.表达,发泄 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
62 plied | |
v.使用(工具)( ply的过去式和过去分词 );经常供应(食物、饮料);固定往来;经营生意 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
63 repose | |
v.(使)休息;n.安息 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
64 animated | |
adj.生气勃勃的,活跃的,愉快的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
65 animate | |
v.赋于生命,鼓励;adj.有生命的,有生气的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
66 modesty | |
n.谦逊,虚心,端庄,稳重,羞怯,朴素 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
67 irresistible | |
adj.非常诱人的,无法拒绝的,无法抗拒的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
68 eloquence | |
n.雄辩;口才,修辞 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
69 hesitation | |
n.犹豫,踌躇 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
70 precipitate | |
adj.突如其来的;vt.使突然发生;n.沉淀物 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
71 decency | |
n.体面,得体,合宜,正派,庄重 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
72 premature | |
adj.比预期时间早的;不成熟的,仓促的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
73 endearments | |
n.表示爱慕的话语,亲热的表示( endearment的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
74 innocence | |
n.无罪;天真;无害 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
75 fraught | |
adj.充满…的,伴有(危险等)的;忧虑的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
76 sincerity | |
n.真诚,诚意;真实 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
77 intercourse | |
n.性交;交流,交往,交际 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
78 intimacy | |
n.熟悉,亲密,密切关系,亲昵的言行 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
79 nay | |
adv.不;n.反对票,投反对票者 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
80 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
81 testimony | |
n.证词;见证,证明 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
82 implored | |
恳求或乞求(某人)( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
83 implore | |
vt.乞求,恳求,哀求 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
84 apprised | |
v.告知,通知( apprise的过去式和过去分词 );评价 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
85 disapprove | |
v.不赞成,不同意,不批准 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
86 disapproved | |
v.不赞成( disapprove的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
87 remarkable | |
adj.显著的,异常的,非凡的,值得注意的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
88 pretence | |
n.假装,作假;借口,口实;虚伪;虚饰 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
89 gushed | |
v.喷,涌( gush的过去式和过去分词 );滔滔不绝地说话 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
90 privy | |
adj.私用的;隐密的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
91 frankly | |
adv.坦白地,直率地;坦率地说 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
92 defer | |
vt.推迟,拖延;vi.(to)遵从,听从,服从 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
93 nuptial | |
adj.婚姻的,婚礼的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
94 nuptials | |
n.婚礼;婚礼( nuptial的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
95 apprehensions | |
疑惧 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
96 apprehension | |
n.理解,领悟;逮捕,拘捕;忧虑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
97 immediate | |
adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
98 expedient | |
adj.有用的,有利的;n.紧急的办法,权宜之计 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
99 procure | |
vt.获得,取得,促成;vi.拉皮条 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
100 conjured | |
用魔术变出( conjure的过去式和过去分词 ); 祈求,恳求; 变戏法; (变魔术般地) 使…出现 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
101 melancholy | |
n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
102 supplication | |
n.恳求,祈愿,哀求 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
103 lodging | |
n.寄宿,住所;(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
104 lodgings | |
n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
105 faculties | |
n.能力( faculty的名词复数 );全体教职员;技巧;院 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
106 opposition | |
n.反对,敌对 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
107 sequestering | |
v.使隔绝,使隔离( sequester的现在分词 );扣押 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
108 recollect | |
v.回忆,想起,记起,忆起,记得 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
109 resentment | |
n.怨愤,忿恨 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
110 elude | |
v.躲避,困惑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
111 remonstrances | |
n.抱怨,抗议( remonstrance的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
112 remonstrance | |
n抗议,抱怨 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
113 faction | |
n.宗派,小集团;派别;派系斗争 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
114 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
115 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
116 bespoke | |
adj.(产品)订做的;专做订货的v.预定( bespeak的过去式 );订(货);证明;预先请求 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
117 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
118 huddled | |
挤在一起(huddle的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
119 chamber | |
n.房间,寝室;会议厅;议院;会所 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
120 despatch | |
n./v.(dispatch)派遣;发送;n.急件;新闻报道 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
121 disorder | |
n.紊乱,混乱;骚动,骚乱;疾病,失调 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
122 mortification | |
n.耻辱,屈辱 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
123 peregrination | |
n.游历,旅行 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
124 undoubtedly | |
adv.确实地,无疑地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
125 peculiar | |
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
126 hoop | |
n.(篮球)篮圈,篮 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
127 apron | |
n.围裙;工作裙 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
128 dilemma | |
n.困境,进退两难的局面 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
129 honourable | |
adj.可敬的;荣誉的,光荣的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
130 entreated | |
恳求,乞求( entreat的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
131 promising | |
adj.有希望的,有前途的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
132 dire | |
adj.可怕的,悲惨的,阴惨的,极端的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
133 consternation | |
n.大为吃惊,惊骇 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
134 wretch | |
n.可怜的人,不幸的人;卑鄙的人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
135 wretches | |
n.不幸的人( wretch的名词复数 );可怜的人;恶棍;坏蛋 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
136 bribe | |
n.贿赂;v.向…行贿,买通 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
137 thither | |
adv.向那里;adj.在那边的,对岸的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
138 backwards | |
adv.往回地,向原处,倒,相反,前后倒置地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
139 stratagem | |
n.诡计,计谋 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
140 trepidation | |
n.惊恐,惶恐 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
141 bestow | |
v.把…赠与,把…授予;花费 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
142 lawful | |
adj.法律许可的,守法的,合法的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
143 lawfully | |
adv.守法地,合法地;合理地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
144 recurred | |
再发生,复发( recur的过去式和过去分词 ); 治愈 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
145 aggravation | |
n.烦恼,恼火 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
146 dread | |
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
147 dreaded | |
adj.令人畏惧的;害怕的v.害怕,恐惧,担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
148 piety | |
n.虔诚,虔敬 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
149 distress | |
n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
150 reigns | |
n.君主的统治( reign的名词复数 );君主统治时期;任期;当政期 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
151 surmounts | |
战胜( surmount的第三人称单数 ); 克服(困难); 居于…之上; 在…顶上 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
152 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
153 dame | |
n.女士 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
154 hood | |
n.头巾,兜帽,覆盖;v.罩上,以头巾覆盖 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
155 binding | |
有约束力的,有效的,应遵守的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
156 bind | |
vt.捆,包扎;装订;约束;使凝固;vi.变硬 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
157 respite | |
n.休息,中止,暂缓 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
158 imputation | |
n.归罪,责难 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
159 refractory | |
adj.倔强的,难驾驭的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
160 stipulation | |
n.契约,规定,条文;条款说明 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
161 conceal | |
v.隐藏,隐瞒,隐蔽 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
162 concealed | |
a.隐藏的,隐蔽的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
163 adoration | |
n.爱慕,崇拜 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
164 paltry | |
adj.无价值的,微不足道的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
165 mutual | |
adj.相互的,彼此的;共同的,共有的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
166 bliss | |
n.狂喜,福佑,天赐的福 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
167 agitations | |
(液体等的)摇动( agitation的名词复数 ); 鼓动; 激烈争论; (情绪等的)纷乱 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
168 agitation | |
n.搅动;搅拌;鼓动,煽动 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
169 rapture | |
n.狂喜;全神贯注;着迷;v.使狂喜 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
170 twilight | |
n.暮光,黄昏;暮年,晚期,衰落时期 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
171 presage | |
n.预感,不祥感;v.预示 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
172 appellation | |
n.名称,称呼 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
173 expunged | |
v.擦掉( expunge的过去式和过去分词 );除去;删去;消除 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
174 retrieve | |
vt.重新得到,收回;挽回,补救;检索 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
175 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
176 spacious | |
adj.广阔的,宽敞的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
177 frustrated | |
adj.挫败的,失意的,泄气的v.使不成功( frustrate的过去式和过去分词 );挫败;使受挫折;令人沮丧 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
178 frustrate | |
v.使失望;使沮丧;使厌烦 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
179 opulence | |
n.财富,富裕 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
180 haughty | |
adj.傲慢的,高傲的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
181 impairs | |
v.损害,削弱( impair的第三人称单数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
182 submission | |
n.服从,投降;温顺,谦虚;提出 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
183 behold | |
v.看,注视,看到 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
184 mingled | |
混合,混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 ); 混进,与…交往[联系] | |
参考例句: |
|
|
185 susceptible | |
adj.过敏的,敏感的;易动感情的,易受感动的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
186 embarked | |
乘船( embark的过去式和过去分词 ); 装载; 从事 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
187 distraction | |
n.精神涣散,精神不集中,消遣,娱乐 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
188 havoc | |
n.大破坏,浩劫,大混乱,大杂乱 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
189 lavish | |
adj.无节制的;浪费的;vt.慷慨地给予,挥霍 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
190 complaisance | |
n.彬彬有礼,殷勤,柔顺 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
191 dedicated | |
adj.一心一意的;献身的;热诚的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
192 majesty | |
n.雄伟,壮丽,庄严,威严;最高权威,王权 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
193 homely | |
adj.家常的,简朴的;不漂亮的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
194 subsisted | |
v.(靠很少的钱或食物)维持生活,生存下去( subsist的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
195 subsist | |
vi.生存,存在,供养 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
196 contrived | |
adj.不自然的,做作的;虚构的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
197 trifling | |
adj.微不足道的;没什么价值的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
198 barge | |
n.平底载货船,驳船 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
199 insufficient | |
adj.(for,of)不足的,不够的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
200 mortify | |
v.克制,禁欲,使受辱 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
201 mortifying | |
adj.抑制的,苦修的v.使受辱( mortify的现在分词 );伤害(人的感情);克制;抑制(肉体、情感等) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
202 chagrin | |
n.懊恼;气愤;委屈 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
203 doomed | |
命定的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
204 professed | |
公开声称的,伪称的,已立誓信教的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
205 profess | |
v.声称,冒称,以...为业,正式接受入教,表明信仰 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
206 umbrage | |
n.不快;树荫 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
207 converse | |
vi.谈话,谈天,闲聊;adv.相反的,相反 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
208 conversed | |
v.交谈,谈话( converse的过去式 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
209 formerly | |
adv.从前,以前 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
210 plunged | |
v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 );暴跌;骤降;突降 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
211 deign | |
v. 屈尊, 惠允 ( 做某事) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
212 darted | |
v.投掷,投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 );向前冲,飞奔 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
213 Augmented | |
adj.增音的 动词augment的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
214 trespass | |
n./v.侵犯,闯入私人领地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
215 entailed | |
使…成为必要( entail的过去式和过去分词 ); 需要; 限定继承; 使必需 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
216 thereby | |
adv.因此,从而 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
217 incensed | |
盛怒的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
218 affected | |
adj.不自然的,假装的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
219 inflict | |
vt.(on)把…强加给,使遭受,使承担 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
220 inflicted | |
把…强加给,使承受,遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
221 salute | |
vi.行礼,致意,问候,放礼炮;vt.向…致意,迎接,赞扬;n.招呼,敬礼,礼炮 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
222 kindly | |
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
223 indifference | |
n.不感兴趣,不关心,冷淡,不在乎 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
224 swelled | |
增强( swell的过去式和过去分词 ); 肿胀; (使)凸出; 充满(激情) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
225 sullen | |
adj.愠怒的,闷闷不乐的,(天气等)阴沉的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
226 aggrieved | |
adj.愤愤不平的,受委屈的;悲痛的;(在合法权利方面)受侵害的v.令委屈,令苦恼,侵害( aggrieve的过去式);令委屈,令苦恼,侵害( aggrieve的过去式和过去分词) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
227 unreasonable | |
adj.不讲道理的,不合情理的,过度的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
228 chid | |
v.责骂,责备( chide的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
229 jealousy | |
n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
230 vindication | |
n.洗冤,证实 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
231 acquit | |
vt.宣判无罪;(oneself)使(自己)表现出 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
232 brace | |
n. 支柱,曲柄,大括号; v. 绷紧,顶住,(为困难或坏事)做准备 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
233 reconciliation | |
n.和解,和谐,一致 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
234 cloyed | |
v.发腻,倒胃口( cloy的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
235 raptures | |
极度欢喜( rapture的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
236 avocation | |
n.副业,业余爱好 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
237 avocations | |
n.业余爱好,嗜好( avocation的名词复数 );职业 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
238 benevolence | |
n.慈悲,捐助 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
239 ineffable | |
adj.无法表达的,不可言喻的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
240 guilt | |
n.犯罪;内疚;过失,罪责 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
241 eldest | |
adj.最年长的,最年老的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
242 ridicule | |
v.讥讽,挖苦;n.嘲弄 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
243 condescension | |
n.自以为高人一等,贬低(别人) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
244 reluctance | |
n.厌恶,讨厌,勉强,不情愿 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
245 celebrated | |
adj.有名的,声誉卓著的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
246 perusal | |
n.细读,熟读;目测 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
247 contented | |
adj.满意的,安心的,知足的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
248 complacent | |
adj.自满的;自鸣得意的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
249 homage | |
n.尊敬,敬意,崇敬 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
250 sanguine | |
adj.充满希望的,乐观的,血红色的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
251 aggravated | |
使恶化( aggravate的过去式和过去分词 ); 使更严重; 激怒; 使恼火 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
252 aggravate | |
vt.加重(剧),使恶化;激怒,使恼火 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
253 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
254 fatigue | |
n.疲劳,劳累 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
255 ferment | |
vt.使发酵;n./vt.(使)激动,(使)动乱 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
256 alas | |
int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
257 dismal | |
adj.阴沉的,凄凉的,令人忧郁的,差劲的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
258 pall | |
v.覆盖,使平淡无味;n.柩衣,棺罩;棺材;帷幕 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
259 malady | |
n.病,疾病(通常做比喻) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
260 delirium | |
n. 神智昏迷,说胡话;极度兴奋 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
261 exclamation | |
n.感叹号,惊呼,惊叹词 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
262 exclamations | |
n.呼喊( exclamation的名词复数 );感叹;感叹语;感叹词 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
263 savage | |
adj.野蛮的;凶恶的,残暴的;n.未开化的人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
264 woe | |
n.悲哀,苦痛,不幸,困难;int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
265 bereft | |
adj.被剥夺的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
266 relinquished | |
交出,让给( relinquish的过去式和过去分词 ); 放弃 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
267 relinquish | |
v.放弃,撤回,让与,放手 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
268 fortitude | |
n.坚忍不拔;刚毅 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
269 extremity | |
n.末端,尽头;尽力;终极;极度 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
270 remit | |
v.汇款,汇寄;豁免(债务),免除(处罚等) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
271 ecstasy | |
n.狂喜,心醉神怡,入迷 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
272 emphatic | |
adj.强调的,着重的;无可置疑的,明显的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
273 disturbance | |
n.动乱,骚动;打扰,干扰;(身心)失调 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
274 solitary | |
adj.孤独的,独立的,荒凉的;n.隐士 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
275 replete | |
adj.饱满的,塞满的;n.贮蜜蚁 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
276 anguish | |
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
277 compassion | |
n.同情,怜悯 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
278 erased | |
v.擦掉( erase的过去式和过去分词 );抹去;清除 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
279 languishing | |
a. 衰弱下去的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
280 compliance | |
n.顺从;服从;附和;屈从 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
281 prescription | |
n.处方,开药;指示,规定 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
282 persecution | |
n. 迫害,烦扰 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
283 lament | |
n.悲叹,悔恨,恸哭;v.哀悼,悔恨,悲叹 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
284 lamented | |
adj.被哀悼的,令人遗憾的v.(为…)哀悼,痛哭,悲伤( lament的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
285 overtures | |
n.主动的表示,提议;(向某人做出的)友好表示、姿态或提议( overture的名词复数 );(歌剧、芭蕾舞、音乐剧等的)序曲,前奏曲 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
286 sufficiently | |
adv.足够地,充分地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
287 rummaging | |
翻找,搜寻( rummage的现在分词 ); 海关检查 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
288 stature | |
n.(高度)水平,(高度)境界,身高,身材 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
289 smallpox | |
n.天花 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
290 frieze | |
n.(墙上的)横饰带,雕带 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
291 monstrous | |
adj.巨大的;恐怖的;可耻的,丢脸的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
292 Oxford | |
n.牛津(英国城市) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
293 expiration | |
n.终结,期满,呼气,呼出物 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
294 advantageous | |
adj.有利的;有帮助的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
295 relish | |
n.滋味,享受,爱好,调味品;vt.加调味料,享受,品味;vi.有滋味 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
296 motive | |
n.动机,目的;adv.发动的,运动的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
297 motives | |
n.动机,目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
298 importunity | |
n.硬要,强求 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
299 prospect | |
n.前景,前途;景色,视野 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
300 heartily | |
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
301 esteem | |
n.尊敬,尊重;vt.尊重,敬重;把…看作 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
302 chapel | |
n.小教堂,殡仪馆 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
303 bishop | |
n.主教,(国际象棋)象 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
304 refreshment | |
n.恢复,精神爽快,提神之事物;(复数)refreshments:点心,茶点 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
305 plentiful | |
adj.富裕的,丰富的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
306 liking | |
n.爱好;嗜好;喜欢 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
307 manly | |
adj.有男子气概的;adv.男子般地,果断地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
308 pusillanimous | |
adj.懦弱的,胆怯的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
309 phantom | |
n.幻影,虚位,幽灵;adj.错觉的,幻影的,幽灵的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
310 antipathy | |
n.憎恶;反感,引起反感的人或事物 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
311 torment | |
n.折磨;令人痛苦的东西(人);vt.折磨;纠缠 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
312 tantalized | |
v.逗弄,引诱,折磨( tantalize的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
313 spouse | |
n.配偶(指夫或妻) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
314 profusion | |
n.挥霍;丰富 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
315 unpaid | |
adj.未付款的,无报酬的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
316 uncommon | |
adj.罕见的,非凡的,不平常的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
317 resentments | |
(因受虐待而)愤恨,不满,怨恨( resentment的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
318 maxim | |
n.格言,箴言 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
319 withholds | |
v.扣留( withhold的第三人称单数 );拒绝给予;抑制(某事物);制止 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
320 barges | |
驳船( barge的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
321 delightful | |
adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
322 displeased | |
a.不快的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
323 inviting | |
adj.诱人的,引人注目的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
324 tormenting | |
使痛苦的,使苦恼的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
325 sordid | |
adj.肮脏的,不干净的,卑鄙的,暗淡的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
326 enjoyment | |
n.乐趣;享有;享用 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
327 artillery | |
n.(军)火炮,大炮;炮兵(部队) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
328 utterly | |
adv.完全地,绝对地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
329 prevailing | |
adj.盛行的;占优势的;主要的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
330 seducing | |
诱奸( seduce的现在分词 ); 勾引; 诱使堕落; 使入迷 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
331 virtue | |
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
332 insinuating | |
adj.曲意巴结的,暗示的v.暗示( insinuate的现在分词 );巧妙或迂回地潜入;(使)缓慢进入;慢慢伸入 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
333 insidious | |
adj.阴险的,隐匿的,暗中为害的,(疾病)不知不觉之间加剧 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
334 perseverance | |
n.坚持不懈,不屈不挠 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
335 eloquent | |
adj.雄辩的,口才流利的;明白显示出的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
336 delicacy | |
n.精致,细微,微妙,精良;美味,佳肴 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
337 accomplishments | |
n.造诣;完成( accomplishment的名词复数 );技能;成绩;成就 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
338 accomplishment | |
n.完成,成就,(pl.)造诣,技能 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
339 consummate | |
adj.完美的;v.成婚;使完美 [反]baffle | |
参考例句: |
|
|
340 conjugal | |
adj.婚姻的,婚姻性的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
341 dint | |
n.由于,靠;凹坑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
342 justified | |
a.正当的,有理的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
343 contriving | |
(不顾困难地)促成某事( contrive的现在分词 ); 巧妙地策划,精巧地制造(如机器); 设法做到 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
344 penetration | |
n.穿透,穿人,渗透 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
345 vows | |
誓言( vow的名词复数 ); 郑重宣布,许愿 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
346 inclinations | |
倾向( inclination的名词复数 ); 倾斜; 爱好; 斜坡 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
347 avowing | |
v.公开声明,承认( avow的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
348 nominal | |
adj.名义上的;(金额、租金)微不足道的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
349 scruple | |
n./v.顾忌,迟疑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
350 scruples | |
n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 );顾虑,顾忌v.感到于心不安,有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
351 irreproachable | |
adj.不可指责的,无过失的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
352 grievance | |
n.怨愤,气恼,委屈 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
353 besieged | |
包围,围困,围攻( besiege的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
354 extorted | |
v.敲诈( extort的过去式和过去分词 );曲解 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
355 confession | |
n.自白,供认,承认 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
356 platonic | |
adj.精神的;柏拉图(哲学)的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
357 chimerical | |
adj.荒诞不经的,梦幻的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
358 acquiesce | |
vi.默许,顺从,同意 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
359 specious | |
adj.似是而非的;adv.似是而非地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
360 pretext | |
n.借口,托词 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
361 concealment | |
n.隐藏, 掩盖,隐瞒 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
362 conspicuous | |
adj.明眼的,惹人注目的;炫耀的,摆阔气的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
363 discreet | |
adj.(言行)谨慎的;慎重的;有判断力的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
364 prudent | |
adj.谨慎的,有远见的,精打细算的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
365 intentionally | |
ad.故意地,有意地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
366 tormented | |
饱受折磨的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
367 ruminated | |
v.沉思( ruminate的过去式和过去分词 );反复考虑;反刍;倒嚼 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
368 disquiet | |
n.担心,焦虑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
369 banish | |
vt.放逐,驱逐;消除,排除 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
370 commendable | |
adj.值得称赞的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
371 pangs | |
突然的剧痛( pang的名词复数 ); 悲痛 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
372 sinister | |
adj.不吉利的,凶恶的,左边的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
373 solicit | |
vi.勾引;乞求;vt.请求,乞求;招揽(生意) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
374 complaisant | |
adj.顺从的,讨好的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
375 assailed | |
v.攻击( assail的过去式和过去分词 );困扰;质问;毅然应对 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
376 stifle | |
vt.使窒息;闷死;扼杀;抑止,阻止 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
377 reigned | |
vi.当政,统治(reign的过去式形式) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
378 evade | |
vt.逃避,回避;避开,躲避 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
379 upbraided | |
v.责备,申斥,谴责( upbraid的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
380 levity | |
n.轻率,轻浮,不稳定,多变 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
381 solicited | |
v.恳求( solicit的过去式和过去分词 );(指娼妇)拉客;索求;征求 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
382 virtuous | |
adj.有品德的,善良的,贞洁的,有效力的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
383 forfeit | |
vt.丧失;n.罚金,罚款,没收物 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
384 remorse | |
n.痛恨,悔恨,自责 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
385 censure | |
v./n.责备;非难;责难 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
386 venial | |
adj.可宽恕的;轻微的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
387 absolved | |
宣告…无罪,赦免…的罪行,宽恕…的罪行( absolve的过去式和过去分词 ); 不受责难,免除责任 [义务] ,开脱(罪责) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
388 insignificance | |
n.不重要;无价值;无意义 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
389 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
390 nonentity | |
n.无足轻重的人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
391 scrupulous | |
adj.审慎的,小心翼翼的,完全的,纯粹的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
392 fidelity | |
n.忠诚,忠实;精确 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
393 renounced | |
v.声明放弃( renounce的过去式和过去分词 );宣布放弃;宣布与…决裂;宣布摒弃 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
394 renounce | |
v.放弃;拒绝承认,宣布与…断绝关系 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
395 detriment | |
n.损害;损害物,造成损害的根源 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
396 incurred | |
[医]招致的,遭受的; incur的过去式 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
397 incur | |
vt.招致,蒙受,遭遇 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
398 folly | |
n.愚笨,愚蠢,蠢事,蠢行,傻话 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
399 primitive | |
adj.原始的;简单的;n.原(始)人,原始事物 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
400 joyful | |
adj.欢乐的,令人欢欣的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
401 impatience | |
n.不耐烦,急躁 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
402 devoted | |
adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
403 engrossing | |
adj.使人全神贯注的,引人入胜的v.使全神贯注( engross的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
404 appeasing | |
安抚,抚慰( appease的现在分词 ); 绥靖(满足另一国的要求以避免战争) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
405 ardency | |
n.热心,热烈 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
406 indefatigable | |
adj.不知疲倦的,不屈不挠的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
407 mischief | |
n.损害,伤害,危害;恶作剧,捣蛋,胡闹 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
408 unwilling | |
adj.不情愿的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
409 relished | |
v.欣赏( relish的过去式和过去分词 );从…获得乐趣;渴望 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
410 grandeur | |
n.伟大,崇高,宏伟,庄严,豪华 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
411 retirement | |
n.退休,退职 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
412 molested | |
v.骚扰( molest的过去式和过去分词 );干扰;调戏;猥亵 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
413 exhausted | |
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
414 persecuted | |
(尤指宗教或政治信仰的)迫害(~sb. for sth.)( persecute的过去式和过去分词 ); 烦扰,困扰或骚扰某人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
415 infringing | |
v.违反(规章等)( infringe的现在分词 );侵犯(某人的权利);侵害(某人的自由、权益等) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
416 chateau | |
n.城堡,别墅 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
417 mortified | |
v.使受辱( mortify的过去式和过去分词 );伤害(人的感情);克制;抑制(肉体、情感等) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
418 enchanted | |
adj. 被施魔法的,陶醉的,入迷的 动词enchant的过去式和过去分词 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
419 rouge | |
n.胭脂,口红唇膏;v.(在…上)擦口红 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
420 conspired | |
密谋( conspire的过去式和过去分词 ); 搞阴谋; (事件等)巧合; 共同导致 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
421 affluence | |
n.充裕,富足 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
422 groves | |
树丛,小树林( grove的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
423 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
424 adorned | |
[计]被修饰的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
425 enchanting | |
a.讨人喜欢的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
426 lodged | |
v.存放( lodge的过去式和过去分词 );暂住;埋入;(权利、权威等)归属 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
427 lodge | |
v.临时住宿,寄宿,寄存,容纳;n.传达室,小旅馆 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
428 sprightly | |
adj.愉快的,活泼的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
429 dens | |
n.牙齿,齿状部分;兽窝( den的名词复数 );窝点;休息室;书斋 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
430 doctrines | |
n.教条( doctrine的名词复数 );教义;学说;(政府政策的)正式声明 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
431 Christian | |
adj.基督教徒的;n.基督教徒 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
432 maxims | |
n.格言,座右铭( maxim的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
433 tempted | |
v.怂恿(某人)干不正当的事;冒…的险(tempt的过去分词) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
434 wrangling | |
v.争吵,争论,口角( wrangle的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
435 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
436 muffled | |
adj.(声音)被隔的;听不太清的;(衣服)裹严的;蒙住的v.压抑,捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 );用厚厚的衣帽包着(自己) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
437 procured | |
v.(努力)取得, (设法)获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 );拉皮条 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
438 linen | |
n.亚麻布,亚麻线,亚麻制品;adj.亚麻布制的,亚麻的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
439 scent | |
n.气味,香味,香水,线索,嗅觉;v.嗅,发觉 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
440 apprehended | |
逮捕,拘押( apprehend的过去式和过去分词 ); 理解 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
441 incurring | |
遭受,招致,引起( incur的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
442 flannel | |
n.法兰绒;法兰绒衣服 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
443 dreary | |
adj.令人沮丧的,沉闷的,单调乏味的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
444 indigence | |
n.贫穷 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
445 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
446 assassination | |
n.暗杀;暗杀事件 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
447 confiding | |
adj.相信人的,易于相信的v.吐露(秘密,心事等)( confide的现在分词 );(向某人)吐露(隐私、秘密等) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
448 proceeding | |
n.行动,进行,(pl.)会议录,学报 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
449 vessel | |
n.船舶;容器,器皿;管,导管,血管 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
450 fictitious | |
adj.虚构的,假设的;空头的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
451 condemn | |
vt.谴责,指责;宣判(罪犯),判刑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
452 condemned | |
adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
453 repent | |
v.悔悟,悔改,忏悔,后悔 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
454 tiresome | |
adj.令人疲劳的,令人厌倦的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
455 perverse | |
adj.刚愎的;坚持错误的,行为反常的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
456 chagrined | |
adj.懊恼的,苦恼的v.使懊恼,使懊丧,使悔恨( chagrin的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
457 preposterous | |
adj.荒谬的,可笑的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
458 passionate | |
adj.热情的,热烈的,激昂的,易动情的,易怒的,性情暴躁的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
459 vicissitudes | |
n.变迁,世事变化;变迁兴衰( vicissitude的名词复数 );盛衰兴废 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
460 trumpet | |
n.喇叭,喇叭声;v.吹喇叭,吹嘘 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
461 enjoyments | |
愉快( enjoyment的名词复数 ); 令人愉快的事物; 享有; 享受 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
462 circumspection | |
n.细心,慎重 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
463 repulse | |
n.击退,拒绝;vt.逐退,击退,拒绝 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
464 constable | |
n.(英国)警察,警官 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
465 upbraiding | |
adj.& n.谴责(的)v.责备,申斥,谴责( upbraid的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
466 strictly | |
adv.严厉地,严格地;严密地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
467 antagonist | |
n.敌人,对抗者,对手 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
468 deferred | |
adj.延期的,缓召的v.拖延,延缓,推迟( defer的过去式和过去分词 );服从某人的意愿,遵从 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
469 arrogant | |
adj.傲慢的,自大的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
470 tavern | |
n.小旅馆,客栈;小酒店 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
471 astonishment | |
n.惊奇,惊异 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
472 awe | |
n.敬畏,惊惧;vt.使敬畏,使惊惧 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
473 deliberately | |
adv.审慎地;蓄意地;故意地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
474 hearty | |
adj.热情友好的;衷心的;尽情的,纵情的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
475 enraged | |
使暴怒( enrage的过去式和过去分词 ); 歜; 激愤 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
476 inquiries | |
n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 );疑问;探究;打听 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
477 attachment | |
n.附属物,附件;依恋;依附 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
478 constrained | |
adj.束缚的,节制的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
479 severely | |
adv.严格地;严厉地;非常恶劣地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
480 parental | |
adj.父母的;父的;母的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
481 tranquil | |
adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
482 imminent | |
adj.即将发生的,临近的,逼近的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
483 smelt | |
v.熔解,熔炼;n.银白鱼,胡瓜鱼 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
484 catching | |
adj.易传染的,有魅力的,迷人的,接住 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
485 providence | |
n.深谋远虑,天道,天意;远见;节约;上帝 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
486 conjectures | |
推测,猜想( conjecture的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
487 conjecture | |
n./v.推测,猜测 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
488 compartment | |
n.卧车包房,隔间;分隔的空间 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
489 entreating | |
恳求,乞求( entreat的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
490 prosecution | |
n.起诉,告发,检举,执行,经营 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
491 repulsed | |
v.击退( repulse的过去式和过去分词 );驳斥;拒绝 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
492 abode | |
n.住处,住所 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
493 worthy | |
adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
494 knight | |
n.骑士,武士;爵士 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
495 concurrence | |
n.同意;并发 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
496 billiards | |
n.台球 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
497 legitimate | |
adj.合法的,合理的,合乎逻辑的;v.使合法 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
498 assented | |
同意,赞成( assent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
499 alienation | |
n.疏远;离间;异化 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
500 scrupulously | |
adv.一丝不苟地;小心翼翼地,多顾虑地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
501 augmenting | |
使扩张 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
502 abatement | |
n.减(免)税,打折扣,冲销 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
503 alloy | |
n.合金,(金属的)成色 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
504 rendezvous | |
n.约会,约会地点,汇合点;vi.汇合,集合;vt.使汇合,使在汇合地点相遇 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
505 steward | |
n.乘务员,服务员;看管人;膳食管理员 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
506 acquiesced | |
v.默认,默许( acquiesce的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
507 immutable | |
adj.不可改变的,永恒的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
508 previously | |
adv.以前,先前(地) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
509 perused | |
v.读(某篇文字)( peruse的过去式和过去分词 );(尤指)细阅;审阅;匆匆读或心不在焉地浏览(某篇文字) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
510 killing | |
n.巨额利润;突然赚大钱,发大财 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
511 forsook | |
forsake的过去式 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
512 torrent | |
n.激流,洪流;爆发,(话语等的)连发 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
513 draughts | |
n. <英>国际跳棋 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
514 draught | |
n.拉,牵引,拖;一网(饮,吸,阵);顿服药量,通风;v.起草,设计 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
515 amazement | |
n.惊奇,惊讶 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
516 rascal | |
n.流氓;不诚实的人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
517 revolved | |
v.(使)旋转( revolve的过去式和过去分词 );细想 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
518 malicious | |
adj.有恶意的,心怀恶意的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
519 justifying | |
证明…有理( justify的现在分词 ); 为…辩护; 对…作出解释; 为…辩解(或辩护) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
520 confirmation | |
n.证实,确认,批准 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
521 tart | |
adj.酸的;尖酸的,刻薄的;n.果馅饼;淫妇 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
522 brink | |
n.(悬崖、河流等的)边缘,边沿 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
523 forfeiting | |
(因违反协议、犯规、受罚等)丧失,失去( forfeit的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
524 retrieved | |
v.取回( retrieve的过去式和过去分词 );恢复;寻回;检索(储存的信息) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
525 trickled | |
v.滴( trickle的过去式和过去分词 );淌;使)慢慢走;缓慢移动 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
526 efface | |
v.擦掉,抹去 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
527 delirious | |
adj.不省人事的,神智昏迷的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
528 frantic | |
adj.狂乱的,错乱的,激昂的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
529 amicably | |
adv.友善地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
530 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
531 forsake | |
vt.遗弃,抛弃;舍弃,放弃 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
532 impaired | |
adj.受损的;出毛病的;有(身体或智力)缺陷的v.损害,削弱( impair的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
533 indefatigably | |
adv.不厌倦地,不屈不挠地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
534 alleviating | |
减轻,缓解,缓和( alleviate的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
535 construed | |
v.解释(陈述、行为等)( construe的过去式和过去分词 );翻译,作句法分析 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
536 mitigate | |
vt.(使)减轻,(使)缓和 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
537 preyed | |
v.掠食( prey的过去式和过去分词 );掠食;折磨;(人)靠欺诈为生 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
538 prodigiously | |
adv.异常地,惊人地,巨大地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
539 accosted | |
v.走过去跟…讲话( accost的过去式和过去分词 );跟…搭讪;(乞丐等)上前向…乞讨;(妓女等)勾搭 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
540 eclat | |
n.显赫之成功,荣誉 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
541 victuals | |
n.食物;食品 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
542 dissuade | |
v.劝阻,阻止 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
543 dissuaded | |
劝(某人)勿做某事,劝阻( dissuade的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
544 lodger | |
n.寄宿人,房客 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
545 frugal | |
adj.节俭的,节约的,少量的,微量的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
546 esteemed | |
adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 );敬重;认为;以为 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
547 disdain | |
n.鄙视,轻视;v.轻视,鄙视,不屑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
548 forfeited | |
(因违反协议、犯规、受罚等)丧失,失去( forfeit的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
549 deficient | |
adj.不足的,不充份的,有缺陷的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
550 dependence | |
n.依靠,依赖;信任,信赖;隶属 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
551 disinterestedness | |
参考例句: |
|
|
552 espouse | |
v.支持,赞成,嫁娶 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
553 heinously | |
adv.可憎地,极恶地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
554 passionately | |
ad.热烈地,激烈地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
555 abhorrence | |
n.憎恶;可憎恶的事 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
556 distinguished | |
adj.卓越的,杰出的,著名的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
557 supersede | |
v.替代;充任 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
558 narration | |
n.讲述,叙述;故事;记叙体 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
559 generosity | |
n.大度,慷慨,慷慨的行为 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
560 gratitude | |
adj.感激,感谢 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
561 sociable | |
adj.好交际的,友好的,合群的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
562 insipid | |
adj.无味的,枯燥乏味的,单调的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
563 egregiously | |
adv.过份地,卓越地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
564 veneration | |
n.尊敬,崇拜 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
565 bustle | |
v.喧扰地忙乱,匆忙,奔忙;n.忙碌;喧闹 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
566 reclaim | |
v.要求归还,收回;开垦 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
567 extorting | |
v.敲诈( extort的现在分词 );曲解 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
568 riveted | |
铆接( rivet的过去式和过去分词 ); 把…固定住; 吸引; 引起某人的注意 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
569 unlimited | |
adj.无限的,不受控制的,无条件的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
570 penetrated | |
adj. 击穿的,鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
571 defiance | |
n.挑战,挑衅,蔑视,违抗 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
572 fray | |
v.争吵;打斗;磨损,磨破;n.吵架;打斗 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
573 profuse | |
adj.很多的,大量的,极其丰富的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
574 pester | |
v.纠缠,强求 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
575 insinuate | |
vt.含沙射影地说,暗示 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
576 insinuated | |
v.暗示( insinuate的过去式和过去分词 );巧妙或迂回地潜入;(使)缓慢进入;慢慢伸入 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
577 epithet | |
n.(用于褒贬人物等的)表述形容词,修饰语 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
578 variance | |
n.矛盾,不同 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
579 postpone | |
v.延期,推迟 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
580 apprehensive | |
adj.担心的,恐惧的,善于领会的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
581 foul | |
adj.污秽的;邪恶的;v.弄脏;妨害;犯规;n.犯规 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
582 kinsman | |
n.男亲属 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
583 judicious | |
adj.明智的,明断的,能作出明智决定的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
584 judiciously | |
adv.明断地,明智而审慎地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
585 jocose | |
adj.开玩笑的,滑稽的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
586 undue | |
adj.过分的;不适当的;未到期的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
587 breach | |
n.违反,不履行;破裂;vt.冲破,攻破 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
588 duel | |
n./v.决斗;(双方的)斗争 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
589 mustered | |
v.集合,召集,集结(尤指部队)( muster的过去式和过去分词 );(自他人处)搜集某事物;聚集;激发 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
590 bribed | |
v.贿赂( bribe的过去式和过去分词 );向(某人)行贿,贿赂 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
591 vessels | |
n.血管( vessel的名词复数 );船;容器;(具有特殊品质或接受特殊品质的)人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
592 beseeching | |
adj.恳求似的v.恳求,乞求(某事物)( beseech的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
593 conjuring | |
n.魔术 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
594 candidly | |
adv.坦率地,直率而诚恳地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
595 candid | |
adj.公正的,正直的;坦率的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
596 appeased | |
安抚,抚慰( appease的过去式和过去分词 ); 绥靖(满足另一国的要求以避免战争) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
597 penitence | |
n.忏悔,赎罪;悔过 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
598 perfidious | |
adj.不忠的,背信弃义的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
599 exasperated | |
adj.恼怒的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
600 inflamed | |
adj.发炎的,红肿的v.(使)变红,发怒,过热( inflame的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
601 raved | |
v.胡言乱语( rave的过去式和过去分词 );愤怒地说;咆哮;痴心地说 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
602 subsided | |
v.(土地)下陷(因在地下采矿)( subside的过去式和过去分词 );减弱;下降至较低或正常水平;一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
603 adherent | |
n.信徒,追随者,拥护者 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
604 intimidate | |
vt.恐吓,威胁 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
605 vengeance | |
n.报复,报仇,复仇 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
606 inflexible | |
adj.不可改变的,不受影响的,不屈服的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
607 frenzy | |
n.疯狂,狂热,极度的激动 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
608 unnatural | |
adj.不自然的;反常的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
609 vacancy | |
n.(旅馆的)空位,空房,(职务的)空缺 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
610 bosom | |
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
611 deity | |
n.神,神性;被奉若神明的人(或物) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
612 exempted | |
使免除[豁免]( exempt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
613 extravagant | |
adj.奢侈的;过分的;(言行等)放肆的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
614 languor | |
n.无精力,倦怠 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
615 stagnation | |
n. 停滞 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
616 ratified | |
v.批准,签认(合约等)( ratify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
617 ingratitude | |
n.忘恩负义 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
618 benefactor | |
n. 恩人,行善的人,捐助人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
619 qualified | |
adj.合格的,有资格的,胜任的,有限制的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
620 retract | |
vt.缩回,撤回收回,取消 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
621 abrupt | |
adj.突然的,意外的;唐突的,鲁莽的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
622 ruminating | |
v.沉思( ruminate的现在分词 );反复考虑;反刍;倒嚼 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
623 suffocated | |
(使某人)窒息而死( suffocate的过去式和过去分词 ); (将某人)闷死; 让人感觉闷热; 憋气 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
624 supplanting | |
把…排挤掉,取代( supplant的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
625 amicable | |
adj.和平的,友好的;友善的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
626 Forsaken | |
adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
627 embittered | |
v.使怨恨,激怒( embitter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
628 importune | |
v.强求;不断请求 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
629 tempting | |
a.诱人的, 吸引人的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
630 beset | |
v.镶嵌;困扰,包围 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
631 proffers | |
v.提供,贡献,提出( proffer的第三人称单数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
632 retarded | |
a.智力迟钝的,智力发育迟缓的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
633 virtues | |
美德( virtue的名词复数 ); 德行; 优点; 长处 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
634 sublime | |
adj.崇高的,伟大的;极度的,不顾后果的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
635 presages | |
v.预示,预兆( presage的第三人称单数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
636 unison | |
n.步调一致,行动一致 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
637 lulled | |
vt.使镇静,使安静(lull的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
638 prematurely | |
adv.过早地,贸然地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
639 obedience | |
n.服从,顺从 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
640 exhortations | |
n.敦促( exhortation的名词复数 );极力推荐;(正式的)演讲;(宗教仪式中的)劝诫 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
641 vindicating | |
v.澄清(某人/某事物)受到的责难或嫌疑( vindicate的现在分词 );表明或证明(所争辩的事物)属实、正当、有效等;维护 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
642 obstinacy | |
n.顽固;(病痛等)难治 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
643 embezzling | |
v.贪污,盗用(公款)( embezzle的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
644 dressing | |
n.(食物)调料;包扎伤口的用品,敷料 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
645 scourge | |
n.灾难,祸害;v.蹂躏 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
646 overcast | |
adj.阴天的,阴暗的,愁闷的;v.遮盖,(使)变暗,包边缝;n.覆盖,阴天 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
647 banished | |
v.放逐,驱逐( banish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
648 mule | |
n.骡子,杂种,执拗的人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
649 literally | |
adv.照字面意义,逐字地;确实 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
650 tormentor | |
n. 使苦痛之人, 使苦恼之物, 侧幕 =tormenter | |
参考例句: |
|
|
651 diabolical | |
adj.恶魔似的,凶暴的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
652 fretted | |
焦躁的,附有弦马的,腐蚀的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
653 fret | |
v.(使)烦恼;(使)焦急;(使)腐蚀,(使)磨损 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
654 foment | |
v.煽动,助长 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
655 soliciting | |
v.恳求( solicit的现在分词 );(指娼妇)拉客;索求;征求 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
656 sentimental | |
adj.多愁善感的,感伤的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
657 presumption | |
n.推测,可能性,冒昧,放肆,[法律]推定 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
658 jaunt | |
v.短程旅游;n.游览 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
659 lamenting | |
adj.悲伤的,悲哀的v.(为…)哀悼,痛哭,悲伤( lament的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
660 insignificant | |
adj.无关紧要的,可忽略的,无意义的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
661 persuasion | |
n.劝说;说服;持有某种信仰的宗派 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
662 arrears | |
n.到期未付之债,拖欠的款项;待做的工作 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
663 dealing | |
n.经商方法,待人态度 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
664 destitute | |
adj.缺乏的;穷困的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
665 jubilee | |
n.周年纪念;欢乐 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
666 alleviation | |
n. 减轻,缓和,解痛物 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
667 harassed | |
adj. 疲倦的,厌烦的 动词harass的过去式和过去分词 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
668 importuned | |
v.纠缠,向(某人)不断要求( importune的过去式和过去分词 );(妓女)拉(客) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
669 mustering | |
v.集合,召集,集结(尤指部队)( muster的现在分词 );(自他人处)搜集某事物;聚集;激发 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
670 garrison | |
n.卫戍部队;驻地,卫戍区;vt.派(兵)驻防 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
671 subsidy | |
n.补助金,津贴 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
672 hardy | |
adj.勇敢的,果断的,吃苦的;耐寒的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
673 courageously | |
ad.勇敢地,无畏地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
674 intimidated | |
v.恐吓;威胁adj.害怕的;受到威胁的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
675 nostrils | |
鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
676 dilated | |
adj.加宽的,扩大的v.(使某物)扩大,膨胀,张大( dilate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
677 sustenance | |
n.食物,粮食;生活资料;生计 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
678 interfere | |
v.(in)干涉,干预;(with)妨碍,打扰 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
679 interfered | |
v.干预( interfere的过去式和过去分词 );调停;妨碍;干涉 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
680 imprisonment | |
n.关押,监禁,坐牢 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
681 lumber | |
n.木材,木料;v.以破旧东西堆满;伐木;笨重移动 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
682 compassionated | |
v.同情(compassionate的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
683 alleviate | |
v.减轻,缓和,缓解(痛苦等) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
684 interceding | |
v.斡旋,调解( intercede的现在分词 );说情 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
685 tyrant | |
n.暴君,专制的君主,残暴的人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
686 sycophant | |
n.马屁精 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
687 condoling | |
v.表示同情,吊唁( condole的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
688 regain | |
vt.重新获得,收复,恢复 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
689 averse | |
adj.厌恶的;反对的,不乐意的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
690 serenity | |
n.宁静,沉着,晴朗 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
691 confinement | |
n.幽禁,拘留,监禁;分娩;限制,局限 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
692 blustering | |
adj.狂风大作的,狂暴的v.外强中干的威吓( bluster的现在分词 );咆哮;(风)呼啸;狂吹 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
693 fatigues | |
n.疲劳( fatigue的名词复数 );杂役;厌倦;(士兵穿的)工作服 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
694 conversing | |
v.交谈,谈话( converse的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
695 withdrawn | |
vt.收回;使退出;vi.撤退,退出 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
696 bumpers | |
(汽车上的)保险杠,缓冲器( bumper的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
697 intoxicated | |
喝醉的,极其兴奋的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
698 obstreperous | |
adj.喧闹的,不守秩序的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
699 winked | |
v.使眼色( wink的过去式和过去分词 );递眼色(表示友好或高兴等);(指光)闪烁;闪亮 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
700 interceded | |
v.斡旋,调解( intercede的过去式和过去分词 );说情 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
701 annuity | |
n.年金;养老金 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
702 pawn | |
n.典当,抵押,小人物,走卒;v.典当,抵押 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
703 deserted | |
adj.荒芜的,荒废的,无人的,被遗弃的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
704 subdues | |
征服( subdue的第三人称单数 ); 克制; 制服 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
705 supplicate | |
v.恳求;adv.祈求地,哀求地,恳求地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
706 condescending | |
adj.谦逊的,故意屈尊的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
707 persecutor | |
n. 迫害者 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
708 applied | |
adj.应用的;v.应用,适用 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
709 undone | |
a.未做完的,未完成的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
710 monarch | |
n.帝王,君主,最高统治者 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
711 ebb | |
vi.衰退,减退;n.处于低潮,处于衰退状态 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
712 disciple | |
n.信徒,门徒,追随者 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
713 parsimonious | |
adj.吝啬的,质量低劣的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
714 apothecary | |
n.药剂师 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
715 calamities | |
n.灾祸,灾难( calamity的名词复数 );不幸之事 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
716 lawsuit | |
n.诉讼,控诉 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
717 probity | |
n.刚直;廉洁,正直 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
718 orators | |
n.演说者,演讲家( orator的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
719 economists | |
n.经济学家,经济专家( economist的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
720 professing | |
声称( profess的现在分词 ); 宣称; 公开表明; 信奉 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
721 philosophic | |
adj.哲学的,贤明的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
722 incessant | |
adj.不停的,连续的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
723 encumbrance | |
n.妨碍物,累赘 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
724 immured | |
v.禁闭,监禁( immure的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
725 hoisted | |
把…吊起,升起( hoist的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
726 fowl | |
n.家禽,鸡,禽肉 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
727 humane | |
adj.人道的,富有同情心的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
728 inevitably | |
adv.不可避免地;必然发生地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
729 situated | |
adj.坐落在...的,处于某种境地的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
730 imbibe | |
v.喝,饮;吸入,吸收 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
731 considerably | |
adv.极大地;相当大地;在很大程度上 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
732 recollecting | |
v.记起,想起( recollect的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
733 conflagration | |
n.建筑物或森林大火 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
734 awakened | |
v.(使)醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 );(使)觉醒;弄醒;(使)意识到 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
735 peremptory | |
adj.紧急的,专横的,断然的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
736 intimidating | |
vt.恐吓,威胁( intimidate的现在分词) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
737 incessantly | |
ad.不停地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
738 intoxication | |
n.wild excitement;drunkenness;poisoning | |
参考例句: |
|
|
739 calumny | |
n.诽谤,污蔑,中伤 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
740 defamation | |
n.诽谤;中伤 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
741 withheld | |
withhold过去式及过去分词 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
742 chastisement | |
n.惩罚 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
743 abstain | |
v.自制,戒绝,弃权,避免 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
744 imbibed | |
v.吸收( imbibe的过去式和过去分词 );喝;吸取;吸气 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
745 malice | |
n.恶意,怨恨,蓄意;[律]预谋 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
746 peevish | |
adj.易怒的,坏脾气的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
747 exhorted | |
v.劝告,劝说( exhort的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
748 obnoxious | |
adj.极恼人的,讨人厌的,可憎的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
749 ascendancy | |
n.统治权,支配力量 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
750 malignant | |
adj.恶性的,致命的;恶意的,恶毒的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
751 ornaments | |
n.装饰( ornament的名词复数 );点缀;装饰品;首饰v.装饰,点缀,美化( ornament的第三人称单数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
752 reposed | |
v.将(手臂等)靠在某人(某物)上( repose的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
753 lenient | |
adj.宽大的,仁慈的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
754 expediency | |
n.适宜;方便;合算;利己 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
755 transacted | |
v.办理(业务等)( transact的过去式和过去分词 );交易,谈判 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
756 annulling | |
v.宣告无效( annul的现在分词 );取消;使消失;抹去 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
757 receded | |
v.逐渐远离( recede的过去式和过去分词 );向后倾斜;自原处后退或避开别人的注视;尤指问题 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
758 explicit | |
adj.详述的,明确的;坦率的;显然的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
759 connived | |
v.密谋 ( connive的过去式和过去分词 );搞阴谋;默许;纵容 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
760 dependant | |
n.依靠的,依赖的,依赖他人生活者 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
761 phlegmatic | |
adj.冷静的,冷淡的,冷漠的,无活力的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
762 wrath | |
n.愤怒,愤慨,暴怒 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
763 kindled | |
(使某物)燃烧,着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 ); 激起(感情等); 发亮,放光 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
764 facetious | |
adj.轻浮的,好开玩笑的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
765 saluted | |
v.欢迎,致敬( salute的过去式和过去分词 );赞扬,赞颂 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
766 prudently | |
adv. 谨慎地,慎重地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
767 champagne | |
n.香槟酒;微黄色 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
768 grievances | |
n.委屈( grievance的名词复数 );苦衷;不满;牢骚 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
769 baker | |
n.面包师 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
770 dictated | |
v.大声讲或读( dictate的过去式和过去分词 );口授;支配;摆布 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
771 recurring | |
adj.往复的,再次发生的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
772 fortified | |
adj. 加强的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
773 parley | |
n.谈判 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
774 hostilities | |
n.战争;敌意(hostility的复数);敌对状态;战事 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
775 bawled | |
v.大叫,大喊( bawl的过去式和过去分词 );放声大哭;大声叫出;叫卖(货物) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
776 uncouth | |
adj.无教养的,粗鲁的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
777 hospitably | |
亲切地,招待周到地,善于款待地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
778 scouts | |
侦察员[机,舰]( scout的名词复数 ); 童子军; 搜索; 童子军成员 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
779 proceedings | |
n.进程,过程,议程;诉讼(程序);公报 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
781 lucre | |
n.金钱,财富 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
782 posture | |
n.姿势,姿态,心态,态度;v.作出某种姿势 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
783 fatigued | |
adj. 疲乏的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
784 steered | |
v.驾驶( steer的过去式和过去分词 );操纵;控制;引导 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
785 asylum | |
n.避难所,庇护所,避难 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
786 peculiarity | |
n.独特性,特色;特殊的东西;怪癖 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
787 calamitous | |
adj.灾难的,悲惨的;多灾多难;惨重 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
788 medley | |
n.混合 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
789 requisite | |
adj.需要的,必不可少的;n.必需品 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
790 infinitely | |
adv.无限地,无穷地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
791 interval | |
n.间隔,间距;幕间休息,中场休息 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
792 auxiliaries | |
n.助动词 ( auxiliary的名词复数 );辅助工,辅助人员 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
793 disquiets | |
n.忧虑( disquiet的名词复数 );不安;内心不平静;烦恼v.使不安,使忧虑,使烦恼( disquiet的第三人称单数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
794 payable | |
adj.可付的,应付的,有利益的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
795 supreme | |
adj.极度的,最重要的;至高的,最高的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
796 infested | |
adj.为患的,大批滋生的(常与with搭配)v.害虫、野兽大批出没于( infest的过去式和过去分词 );遍布于 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
797 suppliant | |
adj.哀恳的;n.恳求者,哀求者 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
798 hoops | |
n.箍( hoop的名词复数 );(篮球)篮圈;(旧时儿童玩的)大环子;(两端埋在地里的)小铁弓 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
799 buckles | |
搭扣,扣环( buckle的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
800 plunder | |
vt.劫掠财物,掠夺;n.劫掠物,赃物;劫掠 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
801 ferocious | |
adj.凶猛的,残暴的,极度的,十分强烈的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
802 pillage | |
v.抢劫;掠夺;n.抢劫,掠夺;掠夺物 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
803 petrified | |
adj.惊呆的;目瞪口呆的v.使吓呆,使惊呆;变僵硬;使石化(petrify的过去式和过去分词) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
804 plundering | |
掠夺,抢劫( plunder的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
805 saucy | |
adj.无礼的;俊俏的;活泼的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
806 piqued | |
v.伤害…的自尊心( pique的过去式和过去分词 );激起(好奇心) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
807 insolent | |
adj.傲慢的,无理的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
808 abruptly | |
adv.突然地,出其不意地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
809 droll | |
adj.古怪的,好笑的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
810 provincial | |
adj.省的,地方的;n.外省人,乡下人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
811 retrieving | |
n.检索(过程),取还v.取回( retrieve的现在分词 );恢复;寻回;检索(储存的信息) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
812 baubles | |
n.小玩意( bauble的名词复数 );华而不实的小件装饰品;无价值的东西;丑角的手杖 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
813 upwards | |
adv.向上,在更高处...以上 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
814 calamity | |
n.灾害,祸患,不幸事件 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
815 assuaged | |
v.减轻( assuage的过去式和过去分词 );缓和;平息;使安静 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
816 molestation | |
n.骚扰,干扰,调戏;折磨 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
817 outrage | |
n.暴行,侮辱,愤怒;vt.凌辱,激怒 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
818 rape | |
n.抢夺,掠夺,强奸;vt.掠夺,抢夺,强奸 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
819 lasting | |
adj.永久的,永恒的;vbl.持续,维持 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
820 deviated | |
v.偏离,越轨( deviate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
821 valetudinarian | |
n.病人;健康不佳者 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
822 persuasions | |
n.劝说,说服(力)( persuasion的名词复数 );信仰 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
823 allotted | |
分配,拨给,摊派( allot的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
824 negotiation | |
n.谈判,协商 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
825 clearance | |
n.净空;许可(证);清算;清除,清理 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
826 protracted | |
adj.拖延的;延长的v.拖延“protract”的过去式和过去分词 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
827 encumbrances | |
n.负担( encumbrance的名词复数 );累赘;妨碍;阻碍 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
828 stipulated | |
vt.& vi.规定;约定adj.[法]合同规定的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
829 abortive | |
adj.不成功的,发育不全的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
830 provocation | |
n.激怒,刺激,挑拨,挑衅的事物,激怒的原因 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
831 extricate | |
v.拯救,救出;解脱 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
832 munificence | |
n.宽宏大量,慷慨给与 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
833 simplicity | |
n.简单,简易;朴素;直率,单纯 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
834 perfidy | |
n.背信弃义,不忠贞 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
835 farce | |
n.闹剧,笑剧,滑稽戏;胡闹 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
836 bombast | |
n.高调,夸大之辞 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
837 ostentation | |
n.夸耀,卖弄 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
838 tenor | |
n.男高音(歌手),次中音(乐器),要旨,大意 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
839 slander | |
n./v.诽谤,污蔑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
840 indigent | |
adj.贫穷的,贫困的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
841 ogled | |
v.(向…)抛媚眼,送秋波( ogle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
842 exultation | |
n.狂喜,得意 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
843 recollected | |
adj.冷静的;镇定的;被回忆起的;沉思默想的v.记起,想起( recollect的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
844 perusing | |
v.读(某篇文字)( peruse的现在分词 );(尤指)细阅;审阅;匆匆读或心不在焉地浏览(某篇文字) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
845 hazardous | |
adj.(有)危险的,冒险的;碰运气的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
846 perils | |
极大危险( peril的名词复数 ); 危险的事(或环境) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
847 scrupled | |
v.感到于心不安,有顾忌( scruple的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
848 precisely | |
adv.恰好,正好,精确地,细致地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
849 devoid | |
adj.全无的,缺乏的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
850 rumour | |
n.谣言,谣传,传闻 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
851 surmise | |
v./n.猜想,推测 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
852 ruffles | |
褶裥花边( ruffle的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
853 rustic | |
adj.乡村的,有乡村特色的;n.乡下人,乡巴佬 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
854 imputing | |
v.把(错误等)归咎于( impute的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
855 pacify | |
vt.使(某人)平静(或息怒);抚慰 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
856 conveyance | |
n.(不动产等的)转让,让与;转让证书;传送;运送;表达;(正)运输工具 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
857 injustice | |
n.非正义,不公正,不公平,侵犯(别人的)权利 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
858 peremptorily | |
adv.紧急地,不容分说地,专横地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
859 entreaties | |
n.恳求,乞求( entreaty的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
860 ironical | |
adj.讽刺的,冷嘲的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
861 stipulating | |
v.(尤指在协议或建议中)规定,约定,讲明(条件等)( stipulate的现在分词 );规定,明确要求 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
862 specimen | |
n.样本,标本 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
863 harangued | |
v.高谈阔论( harangue的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
864 zeal | |
n.热心,热情,热忱 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
865 commonwealth | |
n.共和国,联邦,共同体 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
866 avowal | |
n.公开宣称,坦白承认 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
867 regiment | |
n.团,多数,管理;v.组织,编成团,统制 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
868 loyalty | |
n.忠诚,忠心 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
869 mechanism | |
n.机械装置;机构,结构 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
870 pompous | |
adj.傲慢的,自大的;夸大的;豪华的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
871 sneaking | |
a.秘密的,不公开的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
872 evasion | |
n.逃避,偷漏(税) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
873 pretences | |
n.假装( pretence的名词复数 );作假;自命;自称 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
874 fervently | |
adv.热烈地,热情地,强烈地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
875 abject | |
adj.极可怜的,卑屈的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
876 alacrity | |
n.敏捷,轻快,乐意 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
877 fawning | |
adj.乞怜的,奉承的v.(尤指狗等)跳过来往人身上蹭以示亲热( fawn的现在分词 );巴结;讨好 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
878 arrogance | |
n.傲慢,自大 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
879 incorrigible | |
adj.难以纠正的,屡教不改的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
880 robust | |
adj.强壮的,强健的,粗野的,需要体力的,浓的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
881 countenances | |
n.面容( countenance的名词复数 );表情;镇静;道义支持 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
882 abridged | |
削减的,删节的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
883 deterred | |
v.阻止,制止( deter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
884 enchantment | |
n.迷惑,妖术,魅力 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
885 texture | |
n.(织物)质地;(材料)构造;结构;肌理 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
欢迎访问英文小说网 |