My Grandfather makes his Will — our second Visit — he Dies — his Will is read in Presence of all his living Descendants — the Disappointment of my female Cousins — my Uncle’s Behaviour
A few weeks after our first visit, we were informed that the old judge, at the end of a fit of thoughtfulness, which lasted three days, had sent for a notary1 and made his will; that the distemper had mounted from his legs to his stomach, and, being conscious of his approaching end, be had desired to see all his descendants without exception. In obedience2 to this summons, my uncle set out with me a second time, to receive the last benediction3 of my grandfather: often repeating by the road, “Ey, ey, we have brought up the old hulk at last. You shall see — you shall see the effect of my admonition,” When we entered his chamber4, which was crowded with his relations, we advanced to the bedside, where we found him in his last agonies, supported by two of his granddaughters, who sat on each side of him, sobbing5 most piteously, and wiping away the froth and slaver as it gathered on his lips, which they frequently kissed with a show of great anguish6 and affection. My uncle approached him with these words, “What! he’s not a-weigh. How fare ye? how fare ye, old gentleman? Lord have mercy upon your poor sinful soul!” Upon which, the dying man turned his languid eyes towards us, and Mr. Bowling7 went on — “Here’s poor Roy come to see you before you die, and to receive your blessing8. What, man! don’t despair, you have been a great sinner, ’tis true, — what then? There’s a righteous judge above, an’t there? He minds me no more than a porpoise9. Yes, yes, he’s a-going; the land crabs10 will have him, I see that! his anchor’s a-peak, i’faith.” This homely11 consolation12 scandalised the company so much, and especially the parson, who probably thought his province invaded, that we were obliged to retire into another room, where, in a few minutes, we were convinced of my grandfather’s decease, by a dismal13 yell uttered by the young ladies in his apartment; whither we immediately hastened, and found his heir, who had retired14 a little before into a closet, under pretence15 of giving vent16 to his sorrow, asking, with a countenance17 beslubbered with tears, if his grandpapa was certainly dead? “Dead!” (says my uncle, looking, at the body) “ay, ay, I’ll warrant him as dead as a herring. Odd’s fish! now my dream is out for all the world. I thought I stood upon the forecastle, and saw a parcel of carrion18 crows foul19 of a dead shark: that floated alongside, and the devil perching upon our spritsail yard, in the likeness20 of a blue bear — who, d’ye see jumped overboard upon the carcass and carried it to the bottom in his claws.” “Out upon thee, reprobate” cries the parson “out upon thee, blasphemous21 wretch22! Dost thou think his honour’s soul is in the possession of Satan?” The clamour immediately arose, and my poor uncle, being, shouldered from one corner of the room to the other, was obliged to lug23 out in his own defence, and swear he would turn out for no man, till such time as he knew who had the title to send him adrift. “None of your tricks upon travellers,” said he; “mayhap old Bluff24 has left my kinsman25 here his heir: if he has, it will be the better for his miserable26 soul. Odds27 bob! I’d desire no better news. I’d soon make him a clear shin, I warrant you.” To avoid any further disturbance28, one of my grandfather’s executors, who was present, assured Mr. Bowling, that his nephew should have all manner of justice; that a day should be appointed after the funeral for examining the papers of the deceased, in presence of all his relations; till which time every desk and cabinet in the house should remain close sealed; and that he was very welcome to be witness to this ceremony, which was immediately performed to his satisfaction. In the meantime, orders were given to provide mourning for all the relations, in which number I was included; but my uncle would not suffer me to accept of it, until I should be assured whether or no I had reason to honour his memory so far. During this interval29, the conjectures30 of people, with regard to the old gentleman’s will, were various: as it was well known, he had, besides his landed estate, which was worth ￡700 per annum, six or seven thousand pounds at interest, some imagined that the whole real estate (which he had greatly improved) would go to the young man whom he always entertained as his heir; and that the money would be equally divided between my female cousins (five in number) and me. Others were of opinion, that, as the rest of the children had been already provided for, he would only bequeath two or three hundred pounds to each of his granddaughters, and leave the bulk of the sum to me, to atone31 for his unnatural32 usage of my father. At length the important hour arrived, and the will was produced in the midst of the expectants, whose looks and gestures formed a group that would have been very entertaining to an unconcerned spectator. But, the reader can scarce conceive the astonishment33 and mortification34 that appeared, when an attorney pronounced aloud, the young squire35 sole heir of all his grandfather’s estate, personal and real. My uncle, who had listened with great attention, sucking the head of his cudgel all the while, accompanied these words of the attorney with a stare, and whew, that alarmed the whole assembly. The eldest36 and pertest of my female competitors, who had been always very officious about my grandfather’s person, inquired, with a faltering37 accent and visage as yellow as an orange, “if there were no legacies38?” and was answered, “None at all.” Upon which she fainted away. The rest, whose expectations, perhaps, were not so sanguine39, supported their disappointment with more resolution, though not without giving evident marks of indignation, and grief at least as genuine as that which appeared in them at the old gentleman’s death. My conductor, after having kicked with his heel for some time against the wainscot, began: “So there’s no legacy40, friend, ha! — here’s an old succubus; but somebody’s soul howls for it, d — n me!” The parson of the parish, who was one of the executors, and had acted as ghostly director to the old man, no sooner heard this exclamation41 than he cried out, “Avaunt, unchristian reviler42! avaunt! wilt43 thou not allow the soul of his honour to rest in peace?” But this zealous44 pastor45 did not find himself so warmly seconded, as formerly46, by the young ladies, who now joined my uncle against him, and accused him of having acted the part of a busybody with their grandpapa whose ears he had certainly abused by false stories to their prejudice, or else he would not have neglected them in such an unnatural manner. The young squire was much diverted with this scene, and whispered to my uncle, that if he had not murdered his dogs, he would have shown him glorious fun, by hunting a black badger47 (so he termed the clergyman). The surly lieutenant48, who was not in a humour to relish49 this amusement, replied, “You and your dogs may be damn’d. I suppose you’ll find them with your old dad, in the latitude50 of hell. Come, Rory, — about ship, my lad, we must steer51 another course, I think.” And away we went.
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1
notary
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| n.公证人，公证员 | |
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obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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benediction
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| n.祝福；恩赐 | |
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chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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bowling
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| n.保龄球运动 | |
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blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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9
porpoise
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| n.鼠海豚 | |
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crabs
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| n.蟹( crab的名词复数 )；阴虱寄生病；蟹肉v.捕蟹( crab的第三人称单数 ) | |
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homely
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| adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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dismal
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| adj.阴沉的，凄凉的，令人忧郁的，差劲的 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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pretence
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| n.假装，作假；借口，口实；虚伪；虚饰 | |
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vent
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| n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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carrion
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| n.腐肉 | |
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foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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blasphemous
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| adj.亵渎神明的，不敬神的 | |
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wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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23
lug
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| n.柄，突出部，螺帽；(英）耳朵；（俚）笨蛋；vt.拖，拉，用力拖动 | |
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bluff
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| v.虚张声势，用假象骗人；n.虚张声势，欺骗 | |
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kinsman
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| n.男亲属 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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odds
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| n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别 | |
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disturbance
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| n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调 | |
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interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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conjectures
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| 推测，猜想( conjecture的名词复数 ) | |
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atone
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| v.赎罪，补偿 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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mortification
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| n.耻辱，屈辱 | |
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squire
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| n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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faltering
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| 犹豫的，支吾的，蹒跚的 | |
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legacies
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| n.遗产( legacy的名词复数 )；遗留之物；遗留问题；后遗症 | |
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sanguine
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| adj.充满希望的，乐观的，血红色的 | |
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legacy
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| n.遗产，遗赠；先人(或过去)留下的东西 | |
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exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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42
reviler
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| n.谩骂者；辱骂者，谩骂者 | |
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43
wilt
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| v.(使)植物凋谢或枯萎；(指人)疲倦，衰弱 | |
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zealous
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| adj.狂热的，热心的 | |
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pastor
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| n.牧师，牧人 | |
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46
formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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47
badger
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| v.一再烦扰，一再要求，纠缠 | |
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48
lieutenant
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| n.陆军中尉，海军上尉；代理官员，副职官员 | |
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relish
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| n.滋味，享受，爱好，调味品；vt.加调味料，享受，品味；vi.有滋味 | |
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50
latitude
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| n.纬度，行动或言论的自由(范围)，(pl.)地区 | |
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51
steer
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| vt.驾驶，为…操舵；引导；vi.驾驶 | |
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