Preface

       The "secret" of success is not very hard to figureout. The better you are at connecting with otherpeople, the better the quality of your life.

I first discovered the secrets of getting along withpeople during my career as a fashion and advertisingphotographer. Whether it was working with a singlemodel for a page in Vogue or 400 people aboard a ship topromote a Norwegian cruise line, it was obvious that forme photography was more about clicking with peoplethan about clicking with a camera. What's more, it didn'tmatter if the shoot was taking place in the lobby of theRitz Hotel in San Francisco or a ramshackle hut on theside of a mountain in Africa: the principles for establishingrapport were universal.

For as long as I can remember, I have found it easy toget along with people. Could it be a gift? Is there such athing as a natural talent for getting along with people, oris it something we learn along the way? And if it can belearned, can it be taught? I decided to find out.

I knew from 25 years of shooting still photographsfor magazines all over the world that attitude and bodylanguage are paramount to creating a strong visualimpression—magazine ads have less than two seconds tocapture the reader's attention. I was also aware that therexiiiwas a way of using body language and voice tone to makeperfect strangers feel comfortable and cooperative. Mythird realization was that a few well-chosen words couldevoke expression, mood and action in almost any subject.

With these insights under my belt, I decided to look a littledeeper.

Why is it easier to get on with some people than withothers? Why can I have an interesting conversation witha person I've just met, while someone else might dismissthat same person as boring or threatening? Clearly,something must be happening on a level beyond ourconscious awareness, but what is it?

It was at this point in my quest that I came across theearly work of Drs. Richard Bandler and John Grinder atUCLA in a subject with the unwieldy name of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP for short. Many of thethings I had been doing intuitively as a photographer,these two men and their colleagues had documentedand analyzed as "the art and science of personal excellence."Among a fountain of new insights, they revealedthat everyone has a "favorite sense." Find this sense andyou have the key to unlock a person's heart and mind.

As my new path became clearer, I set aside my camerasand resolved to focus on how people work on theinside as well as how they look on the outside. Over thenext few years, I studied with Dr. Bandler in London andNew York and earned a license as a Master Practitionerxivof NLP. I studied Irresistible Language Patterns in theUnited States, Canada and England, and delved intoeverything to do with the brain's part in human connectivity.

I worked with actors, comedians and drama teachersin America and storytellers in Africa to adaptimprovisational drills into exercises that enhance conversationalskills.

Since then I have gone on to give seminars and talksall over the world, working with all kinds of groups andindividuals from sales teams to teachers, from leadersof organizations who thought they knew it all to childrenso shy that people thought they were dim-witted. Andone thing became very clear: making people like you in90 seconds or less is a skill that can be taught to anyonein a natural, easy way.

Over and over I have been told, "Nick, this is amazing.

Why don't you write it down?" Well, I listened, and Ihave. And here it is.

—N.B.