Chapter 34

And I put on my uniform for the first time, and went down to Sirilund. My heart was beating.

I remembered everything from the day when Edwarda had come hurrying to me and embraced me before them all. Now she had thrown me hither and thither¹ for many months, and made my hair turn grey. My own fault? Yes, my star had led me astray. I thought: How she would chuckle² if I were to throw myself at her feet and tell her the secret of my heart to-day! She would offer me a chair and have wine brought in, and just as she was raising the glass to her lips to drink with me, she would say: “Lieutenant³, I thank you for the time we have been together. I shall never forget it!” But when I grew glad and felt a little hope, she’d pretend to drink, and set down the glass untouched. And she wouldn’t hide from me that she’d only been pretending to drink; she’d be careful to let me see it. That was her way.

Good — it was nearing the last hour now.

And as I walked down the road I thought further: My uniform will impress her; the trappings are new and handsome. The sword will rattle⁴ against the floor. A nervous joy thrilled me, and I whispered to myself: Who knows what may happen yet? I raised my head and threw out a hand. No more humility⁵ now — a man’s honour and pride! Whatever came of it, I would make no more advances now. Pardon me, my fair one, for not asking your hand . . .

Herr Mack met me in the courtyard, greyer still, more hollow-eyed.

“Going away? So? I suppose you’ve not been very comfortable lately, eh? Your hut burned down . . . ” And Herr Mack smiled.

In a moment it seemed as if the wisest man in the world stood before my eyes.

“Go indoors, Lieutenant; Edwarda is there. Well, I will say good-bye. See you on the quay⁶, I suppose, when the vessel⁷ sails.” He walked off, with head bowed in thought, whistling.

Edwarda was sitting indoors, reading. At the instant of my entering, she started at my uniform; she looked at me sideways like a bird, and even blushed. She opened her mouth.

“I have come to say good-bye,” I managed to get out at last.

She rose quickly to her feet, and I saw that my words had had some effect.

“Glahn, are you going away? Now?”

“As soon as the boat comes.” I grasped her hand — both her hands — a senseless delight took possession of me — I burst out, “Edwarda!” and stared at her.

And in a moment she was cold — cold and defiant⁸. Her whole being resisted me; she drew herself up. I found myself standing⁹ like a beggar before her. I loosed her hand and let her go. I remember that from that moment I stood repeating mechanically: “Edwarda, Edwarda!” again and again without thinking, and when she asked: “Yes? What were you going to say?” I explained nothing.

“To think you are going already,” she said again. “Who will come next year, I wonder?”

“Another,” I answered. “The hut will be built up again, no doubt.”

Pause. She was already reaching for her book.

“I am sorry my father is not in,” she said. “But I will tell him you were here.”

I made no answer to this. I stepped forward, took her hand once more, and said:

“Farvel, Edwarda.”

“Farvel,” she answered.

I opened the door as if to go. Already she was sitting with the book in her hand, reading — actually reading and turning the page. Nothing affected¹⁰, not the least in the world affected by my saying good-bye.

I coughed.

She turned and said in surprise:

“Oh, are you not gone? I thought you were.”

Heaven alone knows, but it struck me that her surprise was too great; that she was not careful, that she overdid¹¹ it. And it came into my head that perhaps she had known all the time that I was standing behind her.

“I am going now,” I said.

Then she rose and came over to me.

“I should like to have something to remember you by when you go,” she said. “I thought of asking you for something, but perhaps it is too much. Will you give me ?sop¹²?”

I did not hesitate. I answered “Yes.”

“Then, perhaps, you would come and bring him to-morrow,” she said.

I went.

I looked up at the window. No one there.

It was all over now . . .

* * * * *

The last night in the hut. I sat in thought, I counted the hours; when the morning came I made ready my last meal. It was a cold day.

Why had she asked me to come myself and bring the dog? Would she tell me something, speak to me, for the last time? I had nothing more to hope for. And how would she treat ?sop? ?sop, ?sop, she will torture you! For my sake she will whip you, caress¹³ you too, perhaps, but certainly whip you, with and without reason; ruin you altogether . . .

I called ?sop to me, patted him, put our two heads together, and picked up my gun. He was already whining¹⁴ with pleasure, thinking we were going out after game. I put our heads together once more; I laid the muzzle¹⁵ of the gun against ?sop’s neck and fired . . .

I hired a man to carry ?sop’s body to Edwarda.

1 thither   

adv.向那里；adj.在那边的，对岸的

参考例句：

• He wandered hither and thither looking for a playmate.他逛来逛去找玩伴。
• He tramped hither and thither.他到处流浪。

2 chuckle   

vi.／n.轻声笑，咯咯笑

参考例句：

• He shook his head with a soft chuckle.他轻轻地笑着摇了摇头。
• I couldn't suppress a soft chuckle at the thought of it.想到这个，我忍不住轻轻地笑起来。

3 lieutenant   

n.陆军中尉，海军上尉；代理官员，副职官员

参考例句：

• He was promoted to be a lieutenant in the army.他被提升为陆军中尉。
• He prevailed on the lieutenant to send in a short note.他说动那个副官，递上了一张简短的便条进去。

4 rattle   

v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓

参考例句：

• The baby only shook the rattle and laughed and crowed.孩子只是摇着拨浪鼓，笑着叫着。
• She could hear the rattle of the teacups.她听见茶具叮当响。

5 humility   

n.谦逊，谦恭

参考例句：

• Humility often gains more than pride.谦逊往往比骄傲收益更多。
• His voice was still soft and filled with specious humility.他的声音还是那么温和，甚至有点谦卑。

6 quay   

n.码头，靠岸处

参考例句：

• There are all kinds of ships in a quay.码头停泊各式各样的船。
• The side of the boat hit the quay with a grinding jar.船舷撞到码头发出刺耳的声音。

7 vessel   

n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管

参考例句：

• The vessel is fully loaded with cargo for Shanghai.这艘船满载货物驶往上海。
• You should put the water into a vessel.你应该把水装入容器中。

8 defiant   

adj.无礼的，挑战的

参考例句：

• With a last defiant gesture,they sang a revolutionary song as they were led away to prison.他们被带走投入监狱时，仍以最后的反抗姿态唱起了一支革命歌曲。
• He assumed a defiant attitude toward his employer.他对雇主采取挑衅的态度。

9 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

10 affected   

adj.不自然的，假装的

参考例句：

• She showed an affected interest in our subject.她假装对我们的课题感到兴趣。
• His manners are affected.他的态度不自然。

11 overdid   

v.做得过分( overdo的过去式 )；太夸张；把…煮得太久；（工作等）过度

参考例句：

• We overdid the meat and it didn't taste good. 我们把肉煮得太久，结果味道不好了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He overdid and became extremely tired. 他用力过猛，感到筋疲力尽。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

12 sop   

n.湿透的东西，懦夫；v.浸，泡，浸湿

参考例句：

• I used a mop to sop up the spilled water.我用拖把把泼出的水擦干。
• The playground was a mere sop.操场很湿。

13 caress   

vt./n.爱抚，抚摸

参考例句：

• She gave the child a loving caress.她疼爱地抚摸着孩子。
• She feasted on the caress of the hot spring.她尽情享受着温泉的抚爱。

14 whining   

n. 抱怨，牢骚 v. 哭诉，发牢骚

参考例句：

• That's the way with you whining, puny, pitiful players. 你们这种又爱哭、又软弱、又可怜的赌棍就是这样。
• The dog sat outside the door whining (to be let in). 那条狗坐在门外狺狺叫着（要进来）。

15 muzzle   

n.鼻口部；口套；枪(炮)口；vt.使缄默

参考例句：

• He placed the muzzle of the pistol between his teeth.他把手枪的枪口放在牙齿中间。
• The President wanted to muzzle the press.总统企图遏制新闻自由。