A Singular Exhibition at Somerset House.

“Our Crummie is a dainty cow.”—Scotch Song.

On that first Saturday in May,

When Lords and Ladies, great and grand,

Repair to see what each R.A.

Has done since last they sought the Strand¹,

In red, brown, yellow, green, or blue,

In short, what’s called the private view —

Amongst the guests — the deuce knows how

She got in there without a row —

There came a large and vulgar dame²,

With arms deep red, and face the same,

Showing in temper not a Saint;

No one could guess for why she came,

Unless perchance to “scour the Paint.”

From wall to wall she forced her way,

Elbowed Lord Durham — poked³ Lord Grey —

Stamped Stafford’s toes to make him move,

And Devonshire’s Duke received a shove;

The great Lord Chancellor⁴ felt her nudge,

She made the Vice⁵, his Honor, budge⁶,

And gave a pinch to Park, the judge.

As for the ladies in this stir,

The highest rank gave way to her.

From number one and number two,

She searched the pictures through and through,

On benches stood, to inspect the high ones,

And squatted⁷ down to see the shy ones.

And as she went from part to part,

A deeper red each cheek became,

Her very eyes lit up in flame,

That made each looker-on exclaim,

“Really an ardent⁸ love of art!”

Alas⁹! amidst her inquisition,

Fate brought her to a sad condition;

She might have run against Lord Milton,

And still have stared at deeds in oil.

But ah! her picture-joy to spoil,

She came full butt¹⁰ on Mr. Hilton.

The Keeper mute, with staring eyes,

Like a lay-figure for surprise,

At last this stammered¹¹ out, “How now?

Woman — where, woman, is your ticket,

That ought to have let you through our wicket?”

Says woman, “Where is David’s Cow?”

Said Mr. H—— with expedition,

“There’s no Cow in the Exhibition.”

“No Cow!”— but here her tongue in verity¹²,

Set off with steam and rail celerity —

“No Cow! there ain’t no Cow, then the more’s the shame and pity,

Hang you, and the R.A.‘s, and all the Hanging Committee!

No Cow — but hold your tongue — for you needn’t talk to me —

You can’t talk up the Cow, you can’t, to where it ought to be —

I haven’t seen a picture high or low, or anyhow,

Or in any of the rooms, to be compared with David’s Cow!

You may talk of your Landseers, and of your Coopers and your Wards¹³,

Why, hanging is too good for them, and yet here they are on cords!

They’re only fit for window frames, and shutters¹⁴ and street doors,

David will paint ’em any day at Red Lions or Blue Boars —

Why, Morland was a fool to him — at a little pig or sow —

It’s really hard it ain’t hung up — I could cry about the Cow!

But I know well what it is, and why — they’re jealous of David’s fame,

But to vent¹⁵ it on the Cow, poor thing, is a cruelty and a shame —

Do you think it might hang by and by, if you cannot hang it now?

David has made a party up, to come and see his Cow

If it only hung three days a week, for an example to the learners —

Why can’t it hang up, turn about, with that picture of Mr. Turner’s?

Or do you think from Mr. Etty you need apprehend¹⁶ a row,

If now and then you cut him down to hang up David’s Cow!

I can’t think where their tastes have been, to not have such a creature,

Although I say, that should not say, it was prettier than nature!

It must be hung — and shall be hung — for, Mr. H— — I vow¹⁷

I daren’t take home the catalogue, unless it’s got the Cow!

As we only want it to be seen, I should not so much care,

If it was only round the stone man’s neck, a coming up the stair.

Or down there in the marble room where all the figures stand,

Where one of them three Graces might just hold it in her hand —

Or maybe Baily’s Charity the favor would allow,

It would really be a charity to hang up David’s Cow.

We haven’t nowhere else to go if you don’t hang it here,

The Water Color place allows no oilman to appear —

And the British Gallery sticks to Dutch, Teniers and Gerard Douw,

And the Suffolk Gallery will not do — it’s not a Suffolk Cow:

I wish you’d seen him painting her, he hardly took his meals

Till she was painted on the board, correct from head to heels:

His heart and soul was in his Cow, and almost made him shabby,

He hardly whipped the boys at all — or helped to nurse the babby,

And when he had her all complete and painted over red,

He got so grand, I really thought him going off his head.

Now hang it, Mr. Hilton, do just hang it anyhow,

Poor David, he will hang himself, unless you hang his Cow.

And if it’s inconvenient¹⁸ and drawn¹⁹ too big by half —

David shan’t send next year except a very little calf²⁰!”

1 strand   

vt.使（船）搁浅，使（某人）困于（某地）

参考例句：

• She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears.她把一缕散发夹到了耳后。
• The climbers had been stranded by a storm.登山者被暴风雨困住了。

2 dame   

n.女士

参考例句：

• The dame tell of her experience as a wife and mother.这位年长妇女讲了她作妻子和母亲的经验。
• If you stick around,you'll have to marry that dame.如果再逗留多一会，你就要跟那个夫人结婚。

3 poked   

v.伸出( poke的过去式和过去分词 )；戳出；拨弄；与（某人）性交

参考例句：

• She poked him in the ribs with her elbow. 她用胳膊肘顶他的肋部。
• His elbow poked out through his torn shirt sleeve. 他的胳膊从衬衫的破袖子中露了出来。 来自《简明英汉词典》

4 chancellor   

n.(英)大臣；法官；(德、奥)总理；大学校长

参考例句：

• They submitted their reports to the Chancellor yesterday.他们昨天向财政大臣递交了报告。
• He was regarded as the most successful Chancellor of modern times.他被认为是现代最成功的财政大臣。

5 vice   

n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的

参考例句：

• He guarded himself against vice.他避免染上坏习惯。
• They are sunk in the depth of vice.他们堕入了罪恶的深渊。

6 budge   

v.移动一点儿；改变立场

参考例句：

• We tried to lift the rock but it wouldn't budge.我们试图把大石头抬起来，但它连动都没动一下。
• She wouldn't budge on the issue.她在这个问题上不肯让步。

7 squatted   

v.像动物一样蹲下( squat的过去式和过去分词 )；非法擅自占用（土地或房屋）；为获得其所有权；而占用某片公共用地。

参考例句：

• He squatted down beside the footprints and examined them closely. 他蹲在脚印旁仔细地观察。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He squatted in the grass discussing with someone. 他蹲在草地上与一个人谈话。 来自《简明英汉词典》

8 ardent   

adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的

参考例句：

• He's an ardent supporter of the local football team.他是本地足球队的热情支持者。
• Ardent expectations were held by his parents for his college career.他父母对他的大学学习抱着殷切的期望。

9 alas   

int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等)

参考例句：

• Alas!The window is broken!哎呀！窗子破了！
• Alas,the truth is less romantic.然而，真理很少带有浪漫色彩。

10 butt   

n.笑柄；烟蒂；枪托；臀部；v.用头撞或顶

参考例句：

• The water butt catches the overflow from this pipe.大水桶盛接管子里流出的东西。
• He was the butt of their jokes.他是他们的笑柄。

11 stammered   

v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He stammered most when he was nervous. 他一紧张往往口吃。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• Barsad leaned back in his chair, and stammered, \"What do you mean?\" 巴萨往椅背上一靠，结结巴巴地说，“你是什么意思？” 来自英汉文学 - 双城记

12 verity   

n.真实性

参考例句：

• Human's mission lies in exploring verity bravely.人的天职在勇于探索真理。
• How to guarantee the verity of the financial information disclosed by listed companies? 如何保证上市公司财务信息披露真实性?

13 wards   

区( ward的名词复数 )； 病房； 受监护的未成年者； 被人照顾或控制的状态

参考例句：

• This hospital has 20 medical [surgical] wards. 这所医院有 20 个内科[外科]病房。
• It was a big constituency divided into three wards. 这是一个大选区，下设三个分区。

14 shutters   

百叶窗( shutter的名词复数 )； （照相机的）快门

参考例句：

• The shop-front is fitted with rolling shutters. 那商店的店门装有卷门。
• The shutters thumped the wall in the wind. 在风中百叶窗砰砰地碰在墙上。

15 vent   

n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄

参考例句：

• He gave vent to his anger by swearing loudly.他高声咒骂以发泄他的愤怒。
• When the vent became plugged,the engine would stop.当通风口被堵塞时，发动机就会停转。

16 apprehend   

vt.理解，领悟，逮捕，拘捕，忧虑

参考例句：

• I apprehend no worsening of the situation.我不担心局势会恶化。
• Police have not apprehended her killer.警察还未抓获谋杀她的凶手。

17 vow   

n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓

参考例句：

• My parents are under a vow to go to church every Sunday.我父母许愿，每星期日都去做礼拜。
• I am under a vow to drink no wine.我已立誓戒酒。

18 inconvenient   

adj.不方便的，令人感到麻烦的

参考例句：

• You have come at a very inconvenient time.你来得最不适时。
• Will it be inconvenient for him to attend that meeting?他参加那次会议会不方便吗？

19 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

20 calf   

n.小牛，犊，幼仔，小牛皮

参考例句：

• The cow slinked its calf.那头母牛早产了一头小牛犊。
• The calf blared for its mother.牛犊哞哞地高声叫喊找妈妈。