Agricultural Distress. A Pastoral Report.

One Sunday morning — service done —

‘Mongst tombstones shining in the sun,

A knot of bumpkins stood to chat

Of that and this, and this and that;

What people said of Polly Hatch —

Which side had won the-cricket match;

And who was cotch’d, and who was bowl’d; —

How barley¹, beans, and ‘taters sold —

What men could swallow at a meal —

When Bumpstead Youths would ring a peal² —

And who was taken off to jail —

And where they brew’d the strongest ale —

At last this question they address,

“What’s Agricultural Distress³?”
Hodge.

“For my peart, it’s a thought o’ mine,

It be the fancy farming line,

Like yonder gemman — him I mean,

As took the Willa nigh the Green —

And turn’d his cattle in the wheat;

And gave his porkers hay to eat;

And sent his footman up to town,

To ax the Lonnon gentry⁴ down,

To be so kind as make his hay,

Exactly on St. Swithin’s day; —

With consequences you may guess —

That’s Hagricultural Distress.”
Dickon.

“Last Monday morning, Master Blogg

Com’d for to stick our bacon-hog⁵;

But th’ hog he cock’d a knowing eye,

As if he twigg’d the reason why,

And dodg’d and dodg’d ’un such a dance,

He didn’t give the noose⁶ a chance;

So Master Blogg at last lays off,

And shams⁷ a rattle⁸ at the trough,

When swish! in bolts our bacon-hog

Atwixt the legs o’ Master Blogg,

And flops⁹ him down in all the muck,

As hadn’t been swept up by luck —

Now that, accordin’ to my guess,

Be Hagricultural Distress.”
Giles.

“No, that arn’t it, I tell ‘ee flat;

I’ze bring a worser case nor that!”

“Last Friday week, I takes a start

To Reading, with our horse and cart;

Well, when I’ze set the ‘taters down,

I meets a crony at the Crown;

And what betwixt the ale and Tom,

It’s dark afore I starts for home;

So whipping hard, by long and late,

At last we reaches nigh the gate,

And, sure enough, there Master stand,

A lantern flaring¹⁰ in his hand —

‘Why, Giles,’ says he, ‘what’s that ’un thear?

Yond’ chestnut¹¹ horse bean’t my bay mear!

He bean’t not worth a leg o’ Bess!’

There’s Hagricultural Distress!”
Hob.

“That’s nothin yet, to Tom’s mishap¹²!

A-gooing through the yard, poor chap,

Only to fetch his milking-pails,

When up he shies like head or tails;

Nor would the Bull let Tom a-be,

Till he had toss’d the best o’ three; —

And there lies Tom with broken bones,

A surgeon’s job for Doctor Jones;

Well, Doctor Jones lays down the law,

‘There’s two crackt ribs¹³, besides a jaw¹⁴ —

Eat well,’ says he, ‘stuff out your case,

For that will keep the ribs in place;’

But how was Tom, poor chap, to chaw,

Seeing as how he’d broke his jaw?

That’s summut to the pint¹⁵ — yes, yes,

That’s Hagricultural Distress!”
Simon.

“Well, turn and turn about is fair:

Tom’s bad enough, and so’s the mare¹⁶;

But nothing to my load of hay —

You see, ’twas hard on quarter-day,

And cash was wanted for the rent;

So up to Lonnon I was sent,

To sell as prime a load of hay,

As ever dried on summer’s day.

“Well, standing¹⁷ in Whitechapel Road,

A chap comes up to buy my load,

And looks, and looks about the cart,

Pretending to be ‘cute and smart;

But no great judge, as people say,

‘Cause why? he never smelt¹⁸ the hay.

Thinks I, as he’s a simple chap,

He’ll give a simple price mayhap,

Such buyers comes but now and then,

So slap I axes nine pun’ ten.

‘That’s dear,’ says he, and pretty quick

He taps his leathers with his stick.

‘Suppose,’ says he, ‘we wet our clay,

Just while we bargin ‘bout the hay.

So in we goes, my chap and me;

He drinks to I, and I to he;

At last, says I, a little gay,

‘It’s time to talk about that hay,’

‘Nine pund,’ says he, ‘and I’m your man,

Live, and let live — for that’s my plan.’

‘That’s true,’ says I, ‘but still I say,

It’s nine pun’ ten for that ’ere hay,’

And so we chaffers for a bit,

At long and last the odds¹⁹ we split;

And off he sets to show the way,

Where up a yard I leaves the hay.

Then, from the pocket of his coat,

He pulls a book, and picks a note.

‘That’s Ten,’ says he —‘I hope to pay

Tens upon tens for loads of hay.’

‘With all my heart, and soon,’ says I,

And feeling for the change thereby²⁰;

But all my shillings com’d to five —

Says he, ‘No matter, man alive!

There’s something in your honest phiz

I’d trust, if twice the sum it is; —

You’ll pay next time you come to town.’

‘As sure,’ says I, ‘as corn is brown.’

‘All right,’ says he. — Thinks I ‘huzza!

He’s got no bargain of the hay!’

“Well, home I goes, with empty cart,

Whipping the horses pretty smart,

And whistling ev’ry yard o’ way,

To think how well I’d sold the hay —

And just cotch’d Master at his greens

And bacon, or it might be beans,

Which didn’t taste the worse surely,

To hear his hay had gone so high.

But lord! when I laid down the note,

It stuck the victuals²¹ in his throat,

And chok’d him till his face all grew

Like pickling-cabbage, red and blue;

With such big goggle²² eyes, Ods nails!

They seem’d a-coming out like snails²³!

‘A note,’ says he, half mad with passion,

‘Why, thou dom’d fool! thou’st took a flash ’un!’

Now, wasn’t that a pretty mess?

That’s Hagricultural Distress.”
Colin.

“Phoo! phoo! You’re nothing near the thing!

You only argy in a ring;

‘Cause why? You never cares to look,

Like me, in any larned book;

But schollards know the wrong and right

Of every thing in black and white.

“Well, Farming, that’s its common name,

And Agriculture be the same:

So put your Farming first, and next

Distress, and there you have your text.

But here the question comes to press,

What farming be, and what’s distress?

Why, farming is to plough and sow,

Weed, harrow, harvest, reap, and mow²⁴,

Thrash, winnow²⁵, sell — and buy and breed

The proper stock to fat and feed.

Distress is want, and pain, and grief,

And sickness — things as wants relief;

Thirst, hunger, age, and cold severe;

In short, ax any overseer —

Well, now, the logic²⁶ for to chop,

Where’s the distress about a crop?”

“There’s no distress in keeping sheep,

I likes to see ’em frisk and leap;

There’s no distress in seeing swine

Grow up to pork and bacon fine;

There’s no distress in growing wheat

And grass for men or beasts to eat;

And making of lean cattle fat,

There’s no distress, of course, in that.

Then what remains²⁷? — But one thing more,

And that’s the Farming of the Poor!”
Hodge, Dickon, Giles, Hob, and Simon.

“Yea! — aye! — surely! — for sartin! — yes! —

That’s Hagricultural Distress!”

1 barley   

n.大麦，大麦粒

参考例句：

• They looked out across the fields of waving barley.他们朝田里望去,只见大麦随风摇摆。
• He cropped several acres with barley.他种了几英亩大麦。

2 peal   

n.钟声；v.鸣响

参考例句：

• The bells of the cathedral rang out their loud peal.大教堂响起了响亮的钟声。
• A sudden peal of thunder leaves no time to cover the ears.迅雷不及掩耳。

3 distress   

n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛

参考例句：

• Nothing could alleviate his distress.什么都不能减轻他的痛苦。
• Please don't distress yourself.请你不要忧愁了。

4 gentry   

n.绅士阶级，上层阶级

参考例句：

• Landed income was the true measure of the gentry.来自土地的收入是衡量是否士绅阶层的真正标准。
• Better be the head of the yeomanry than the tail of the gentry.宁做自由民之首，不居贵族之末。

5 hog   

n.猪；馋嘴贪吃的人；vt.把…占为己有，独占

参考例句：

• He is greedy like a hog.他像猪一样贪婪。
• Drivers who hog the road leave no room for other cars.那些占着路面的驾驶员一点余地都不留给其他车辆。

6 noose   

n.绳套，绞索（刑）；v.用套索捉；使落入圈套；处以绞刑

参考例句：

• They tied a noose round her neck.他们在她脖子上系了一个活扣。
• A hangman's noose had already been placed around his neck.一个绞刑的绳圈已经套在他的脖子上。

7 shams   

假象( sham的名词复数 )； 假货； 虚假的行为（或感情、言语等）； 假装…的人

参考例句：

• Are those real diamonds or only shams? 那些是真钻石还是赝品？
• Tear away their veil of shams! 撕开他们的假面具吧！

8 rattle   

v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓

参考例句：

• The baby only shook the rattle and laughed and crowed.孩子只是摇着拨浪鼓，笑着叫着。
• She could hear the rattle of the teacups.她听见茶具叮当响。

9 flops   

n.失败( flop的名词复数 )v.（指书、戏剧等）彻底失败( flop的第三人称单数 )；（因疲惫而）猛然坐下；（笨拙地、不由自主地或松弛地）移动或落下；砸锅

参考例句：

• a pair of flip-flops 一双人字拖鞋
• HPC environments are often measured in terms of FLoating point Operations Per Second (FLOPS) . HPC环境通常以每秒浮点运算次数(FLOPS)加以度量。 来自互联网

10 flaring   

a.火焰摇曳的，过份艳丽的

参考例句：

• A vulgar flaring paper adorned the walls. 墙壁上装饰着廉价的花纸。
• Goebbels was flaring up at me. 戈塔尔当时已对我面呈愠色。

11 chestnut   

n.栗树，栗子

参考例句：

• We have a chestnut tree in the bottom of our garden.我们的花园尽头有一棵栗树。
• In summer we had tea outdoors,under the chestnut tree.夏天我们在室外栗树下喝茶。

12 mishap   

n.不幸的事，不幸；灾祸

参考例句：

• I'm afraid your son had a slight mishap in the playground.不好了，你儿子在操场上出了点小意外。
• We reached home without mishap.我们平安地回到了家。

13 ribs   

n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 )；（船或屋顶等的）肋拱；肋骨状的东西；（织物的）凸条花纹

参考例句：

• He suffered cracked ribs and bruising. 他断了肋骨还有挫伤。
• Make a small incision below the ribs. 在肋骨下方切开一个小口。

14 jaw   

n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训

参考例句：

• He delivered a right hook to his opponent's jaw.他给了对方下巴一记右钩拳。
• A strong square jaw is a sign of firm character.强健的方下巴是刚毅性格的标志。

15 pint   

n.品脱

参考例句：

• I'll have a pint of beer and a packet of crisps, please.我要一品脱啤酒和一袋炸马铃薯片。
• In the old days you could get a pint of beer for a shilling.从前，花一先令就可以买到一品脱啤酒。

16 mare   

n.母马，母驴

参考例句：

• The mare has just thrown a foal in the stable.那匹母马刚刚在马厩里产下了一只小马驹。
• The mare foundered under the heavy load and collapsed in the road.那母马因负载过重而倒在路上。

17 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

18 smelt   

v.熔解，熔炼；n.银白鱼，胡瓜鱼

参考例句：

• Tin is a comparatively easy metal to smelt.锡是比较容易熔化的金属。
• Darby was looking for a way to improve iron when he hit upon the idea of smelting it with coke instead of charcoal.达比一直在寻找改善铁质的方法，他猛然想到可以不用木炭熔炼，而改用焦炭。

19 odds   

n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别

参考例句：

• The odds are 5 to 1 that she will win.她获胜的机会是五比一。
• Do you know the odds of winning the lottery once?你知道赢得一次彩票的几率多大吗？

20 thereby   

adv.因此，从而

参考例句：

• I have never been to that city,,ereby I don't know much about it.我从未去过那座城市，因此对它不怎么熟悉。
• He became a British citizen,thereby gaining the right to vote.他成了英国公民，因而得到了投票权。

21 victuals   

n.食物；食品

参考例句：

• A plateful of coarse broken victuals was set before him.一盘粗劣的剩余饭食放到了他的面前。
• There are no more victuals for the pig.猪没有吃的啦。

22 goggle   

n.瞪眼，转动眼珠，护目镜；v.瞪眼看，转眼珠

参考例句：

• His insincerity is revealed by the quick goggle of his eyes.他眼睛的快速转动泄露了他的不诚实。
• His eyes seemed to goggle larger than usual behind the heavy lenses.在厚厚的镜片后面，眼睛瞪得比平时大得多。

23 snails   

n.蜗牛；迟钝的人；蜗牛( snail的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• I think I'll try the snails for lunch—I'm feeling adventurous today. 我想我午餐要尝一下蜗牛——我今天很想冒险。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Most snails have shells on their backs. 大多数蜗牛背上有壳。 来自《简明英汉词典》

24 mow   

v.割（草、麦等），扫射，皱眉；n.草堆，谷物堆

参考例句：

• He hired a man to mow the lawn.他雇人割草。
• We shall have to mow down the tall grass in the big field.我们得把大田里的高草割掉。

25 winnow   

v．把（谷物）的杂质吹掉，扬去

参考例句：

• You should winnow out the inaccuracies of this paper this afternoon.你今天下午把这篇文章中不精确的内容删掉。
• We should winnow out the errors in logic.我们应该排除逻辑中的错误。

26 logic   

n.逻辑(学)；逻辑性

参考例句：

• What sort of logic is that?这是什么逻辑？
• I don't follow the logic of your argument.我不明白你的论点逻辑性何在。

27 remains   

n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹

参考例句：

• He ate the remains of food hungrily.他狼吞虎咽地吃剩余的食物。
• The remains of the meal were fed to the dog.残羹剩饭喂狗了。